Don't Ever Let Yourself Feel Desperate

Seriously whatever the original problem is, it is just going to be made much worse if you allow yourself to feel desperate. People get into all kinds of horrible situations because they feel desperate. You are not thinking straight or being at all logical when you are feeling desperate. So of course your emotions will always get you in trouble without being just a bit logical enough at least to have some common sense.

There is a good quote by a veteran homicide cop on television and he says something to the effect that what makes human beings so dangerous is their emotions. That is one end of the spectrum on what leads to senseless violence 100 times a day. People do not think even to the extent that they may consider if it would be worth it to go to prison for life just to prove some stupid point. Because their emotions are at work rather than their brain, not to even mention having a conscience which most criminuts don't have.

Then the other end of the spectrum, all the way to romantic emotions. If you are desperate for someone to love, then you appear needy and that is not at all attractive to anyone normal. There is nothing wrong with being honest that you would like to be in a meaningful relationship; but if you act like you are going to die if you don't find someone - anyone - it's not much of a compliment. You have to be very careful what you ask for in this kind of situation.

'By the same token if you are able to fool someone into having a relationship with you and you try to control every moment of someone's life because of your needy insecurities, you are nothing but a loser. You are going to do nothing but drive that person away. Did you know many stalkers have this control problem? When they can't control or they are rejected they can't stand it and they sometimes become extremely dangerous, even murderous.

You are not born a loser and no matter what unfortunate situations your life may have had, there is never an excuse to be a loser. There is never a reason to feel so desperate that you lose your common sense. So from whatever perspective you want to look at desperation it just doesn't need to be a part of anyone's life for any reason.

Always stay proud of your accomplishments no matter how small you believe them to be. It is an important enough issue that even if you have to be proud of something really insignificant like you didn't burn the toast, then just do it. Conjure up something to make you feel good about yourself and so you will realize there is always a chance that things will improve. "God didn't make no junk".

http://ezinearticles.com/?Dont-Ever-Let-Yourself-Feel-Desperate&id=9420625

Why We Can't Stop Listening to Sad Songs

Plus: A Top 5 of melancholy hits.

A few weeks ago, British pop sensation Adele debuted her new music video for her latest song, "Hello." The track is quintessentially Adele, which means it has collectively brought the Twitterverse (and even Kate Hudson) to uncontrollable tears. Her voice is simultaneously haunting and heartbreaking. If you haven't heard it yet, here it is:

Adele's musical career is built on broken-hearted ballads. But no one actually enjoys being sad and miserable. So why do we love songs about sadness and misery? Look at the musical hits of the last several decades: There's no shortage of songs about breakups, heartache, loneliness, and regret. Do melancholy melodies bring out the masochist in all of us?

Maybe there is a scientific explanation for this behavior.

In a recent study at Tokyo University of the Arts

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, researchers asked 44 volunteers (musicians and non-musicians) to listen to both sad

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 and happy

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 music and then “rate their perception toward the music and their own emotional state.”

Source: Nickolai Kashirin/ Flickr Creative Coommons

The results suggested that sad music elicited “contradictory emotions” because participants found the sad music “to be more tragic, less romantic and less blithe than they felt themselves while listening to it.”

In other words, the sad music they listened to was sadder than their own lives, which in turn made participants feel not so sad about their own state.

It's not dissimilar to how we may feel pangs of guilt and gratitude when we see people less fortunate than us on TV or on the street. Inevitably, I think to myself, I have so much more than so many people; why am I complaining about runny eggs?

Moreover, even though participants found sad music to be less romantic, the researchers found:

“Music that is perceived as sad actually induces romantic emotion as well as sad emotion. And people, regardless of their musical training, experience this ambivalent emotion to listen to the sad music.”

This reasoning makes sense. After all, would we really continue to listen to sad music if it only made us feel terrible? On some level, it must make us feel good, too.

Researchers also said that sadness experienced through music or art can be pleasant, possibly because it “does not pose an actual threat to our safety”—unlike in real life, where emotions can and often do directly shake us (both physically and emotionally).

In fact, the researchers added, “If we suffer from unpleasant emotion evoked through daily life, sad music might be helpful to alleviate negative emotion.”

Want to stop being sad right now? Listen to my five favorite sad songs below:

5. Adele, "Someone Like You"

There's something about Adele's music that cuts like a blade into the heart. Could it be her weighty, mezzo soprano voice? Her painful, and often autobiographical lyrics that are just so easy to relate to? It's probably both. 

4. Sigur Rós, "Starálfur"

I find myself tearing up nearly every time I hear this song, even though I don't understand one word of the lyrics. 

3. Tobias Jesso Jr., "How Could You, Babe"

It probably doesn't come as a surprise that one of Adele's favorite new artists (and co-songwriters) is Tobias Jesso Jr. The piano-playing crooner debuted his first album,Goon, earlier this year, and "How Could You, Babe," if you can't tell by the title, is about the dissolution of a relationship. (To be honest, all of Jesso's songs could be on this list. They are all haunting, beautiful—and very, very melancholy.)

2. Travis, "Why Does it Always Rain on Me?"

As someone who has never enjoyed rainy days, this song has been my sad anthem for the better part of a decade. 

1. Jeff Buckley, "Hallelujah"

"Hallelujah" is included in many "saddest song" lists

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, including mine. This bittersweet melody is played at both weddings and funerals—an anomaly for the majority of sad songs.

Songwriter Leonard Cohen describes his masterpiece

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:

"This world is full of conflicts and full of things that cannot be reconciled.  But there are moments when we can...reconcile and embrace the whole mess, and that's what I mean by 'Hallelujah.'"

What are your favorite sad songs?

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/valley-girl-brain/201510/why-we-cant-stop-listening-sad-songs