No Matter What, Keep Growing (By Esther R. Kane)

On a sunny spring day recently, I was lost in sea of dark thoughts and feeling stuck emotionally and thought that a nice walk around my neighbourhood would help shift things. As soon as I got out my front door, I was met with the magnificent sight of cherry blossoms from all the gorgeous blooming trees. The petals were gently falling to the ground, creating the effect of a sweet smelling pink snow all around me. Then came the flowers. Since it's my first spring living in Victoria, I cannot possibly describe in words how magnificent the flowers here are. Suffice it to say, it's like living in a children's wonderland full of bright, happy colours sprinkled all over the place smiling at everyone who passes by. I was struck by the fact that perennial flowers continue to grow, spring after spring, year after year, regardless of how tough the winter which proceeded them happened to be. And then...

I saw this single word painted on a flower box -GROW- reminding all of us- flowers, trees, animals and humans- to GROW. I knew in that moment that I had the fodder for an article to share with you, my lovely readers. This bright and uplifting flower box so graciously shared with passers-by reminded me to remind you of this one important thing:

REGARDLESS OF WHAT HAPPENS AROUND US, TO THOSE WE CARE ABOUT, AND TO OURSELVES, WE ALWAYS HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP GROWING AND MOVING FORWARD.

In my therapy practice, I'm blessed and honoured to witness many women's stories; many of them filled with extreme pain and suffering. Many come to therapy because they want to grow from their suffering and view their challenging circumstances as a very difficult, yet important, growth opportunity. The best way of describing this process I've ever found is in Elizabeth Lesser's book, Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow. I wrote an in-depth article about this fabulous book a few years ago.

Resisting the Urge To Bolt

One of my favourite quotes of all time is from the brilliant Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron who tells us:

Never underestimate the urge to bolt.

I have read this sentiment in a number of her books, my personal favourite being, The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness In Difficult Times. One of the greatest messages of this book is to not shut down when the going gets tough- to make a conscious and courageous choice when you feel like bolting (i.e., running away) from the pain/challenge/difficulty before you to STAY. This particular piece of wisdom also applies to working through anxiety and is the foundation of specific therapeutic modalities designed to help people rid themselves of various fears and phobias. It also happens to be the most difficult choice you can make. However, like most difficult tasks, it can also be one of the most rewarding and life changing.

I will illustrate what this looks like by giving you an example...

One of my clients (let's call her Liz), in her early thirties, really wanted a solid, long-term relationship, which included having children. She had been in multiple relationships over the years, never making it past the two-year mark. She told me that in the past three relationships, they all lasted just roughly under two years and that in each case, the man she was dating wanted to marry her. She sat in the seat across from me in tears as she told me that each of these men was decent, kind, and loving and would have made a great husband and father. In retrospect, she was certain that she would have had a really good life with any of the three. The problem was that in every relationship, when things started to get really serious and the man worked up the guts to ask her to marry him, she completely panicked and ended the relationship immediately. She felt awful for breaking three different men's hearts, while also ending up completely confused by her reaction in each case. When the crying subsided a bit, she looked me in the eye and asked:

Esther, why do I push what I really want away every time it comes to me? I really do want to be married and have children with a good man. I've had three separate chances at having that and I've blown each one. I'm not a stupid person so why would I do something that is the complete opposite of what I really want?

I responded with:

The choices you made in each of these situations has nothing to do with how intelligent you are. When you go into fight or flight mode (i.e., the urge to bolt), it's your primitive brain at work. Your nervous system senses some impending danger and reacts in that moment in an attempt to keep you safe. For some reason, when a man asks you to marry him and have a family together, your primitive brain registers this as dangerous...

This discussion led us to investigating the theme of marriage and family life in her family-of-origin and the leftover 'unfinished emotional business' she was carrying around as a result. When viewed at from this particular lens, her urge to bolt from the whole prospect made a lot of sense. In short, her father was a violent alcoholic who abused her mother and was an absent parent, leaving her mother on her own to raise four children. Her mother ended up in a deep depression when the kids were young and was in and out of the psych ward for years after. Liz was the eldest and became the 'mini mom' when their mother was unavailable due to her mental health issues and ended up missing out on a lot of a carefree childhood as a result.

The warrior-level work Liz then embarked upon focused on facing her childhood squarely, without blinders on and sitting with the emotions it brought up. This proved incredibly challenging for her because she considered herself a happy-go-lucky person who had 'nothing to complain about' when she saw people around her who had been through 'much worse things'. As it is with most of us, we're very good at showing compassion towards others who are suffering, but have a very difficult time doing the same for ourselves. I gently but firmly guided Liz to practice sitting with her inner little girl who was feeling really sad and scared and felt she had nowhere to turn with the pain she was experiencing.

She showed immense courage and even though it was extremely difficult, she sat in my office, week after week and practiced staying with that little girl even when she desperately wanted to run away. After a while, she got in touch with her pain and I gave her some tools to comfort herself when it came up and to remind herself that she was an adult now and that she was safe and had lots of places and people to turn to in times of great anguish.

She wrote a series of letters to her father (all unsent- read here for how to do this), expressing her anger towards how he treated her mother and her frustration at his addiction to alcohol. She wrote about what he had taught her about men and marriage and raising children and how this had become an impediment to her getting married and raising a family. She told him that she had learned to 'keep herself safe' from getting into the same situation as her mother by pushing any man away who wanted to marry her. She wrote it all out, felt many different feelings, all with courageous honesty. Then she let things sit for a while.

A couple of years later, she sent me an email to let me know that she had learned to stay and not bolt with good men and that she had recently got married to a fantastic guy and was pregnant with her first child. She was still fearful, but at the same time, optimistic about the possibility of having the partner and family she had always wanted.

http://ezinearticles.com/?No-Matter-What,-Keep-Growing&id=9730452

Don't Waste Your Pain - Use It To Grow

No one can avoid pain whether emotional or physical. Sooner or later we are all disappointed or hurt by others and experience some type of physical pain. Trust me - if you haven't yet - It's coming - you can count on it. No one is immune to life's desire and attempts to teach us, help us learn or yes, even punish us for our misdeeds, stupid decisions or dumb behaviors.

It's interesting how sometimes emotional pain can be worse than physical pain - I guess it just depends on the cause or source. So, let me just focus on some of the common issues, consequences, and actions we can take when it comes to the emotional stuff. As far as the physical stuff, make an appointment with your Doctor,

I'm not in that business however, it's been proven that a great deal of physical pain can be directly attributed to emotional issues - but that's for another time.

There are only two basic emotions - love and fear and all emotional pain comes from or is driven by the fear side, things like; anger, blame, regret, disappointment, anxiety, frustration, jealousy, hatred, suspicion, etc. So, the first question is - could there be or is there a common denominator in emotional pain regardless of the cause or source? Interesting question, let's take a brief look at this before we move on.

First, what is emotional pain?

"Some psychology researchers have described two types of pain. The first type is considered existential pain, or what one researcher calls "clean pain," which is the normal pain that comes with living an ordinary life. This pain comes from such common, but nevertheless painful, human experiences as losing a loved one; being diagnosed with a serious illness; experiencing abuse, humiliation, or degradation; or perceiving that we have failed at something we hoped would succeed. All humans experience this type of pain to some extent.

The second type of pain is considered neurotic, unnecessary, or "dirty pain." Neurotic pain is considered unnecessary or "dirty pain." This pain is pathological, unhealthy, and damaging, and stems from what we tell ourselves about the existential pain we experience. It can also be caused by unrealistic appraisals of ourselves, harsh judgments from others or the world and a consistently negative view of the world that is unaffected by any positive feedback or events. For people with depression, it is often this unnecessary pain that causes the most suffering. "

For the sake of saving time, I'm going to put most (but not all) emotional pain (that is self-inflicted and often unnecessary) in the dirty pain section.

Another way to look at this is to think of pain like a traffic or roadside sign helping you to reach your destination as quickly, safely and easily as possible. If the sign ahead said one way - I'll bet you wouldn't head in the wrong direction and why, well DUH - you would probably have an accident.

Emotional pain can do the same - help you avoid life mistakes, wrong direction and even associating with the wrong people or organizations but only if we choose to pay attention to the signals and then abide by them, honor them or just do what our inner voice is telling us to do or nor to do.

What are some of these signals and what could the outcomes be if they are ignored? Well first, what are they?

Stress is one of the common ones as stress is not the cause of the pain but the outcome of it when the signals we are given by the pain are ignored. Ever had a panic or anxiety attack? I have and it ain't pretty. It's like having a heart attack. Sweat, nervousness, loss of bearings, feeling totally out of control etc.

A few of the common emotional signals (that can take physical form) we can get are things like - trouble sleeping, loss of attention or control, little things distract you, itching, stomach issues, soreness, heartburn, indecision, headaches, migraines, fears of all kinds and for no apparent reason. So, let me repeat, these emotional signals can be both physical and mental in nature.

Let me give you a quick personal example.

Many years ago, I was offered a full time very high position by a client. It was lucrative, filled with great potential and I was more than qualified. At the same time, as a full-time speaker for several years I was still struggling to get my career into high gear. During a period of several weeks I kept weighing the options - pro and con - to taking it. Here's the kicker. Every time I was moving emotionally toward accepting it my stomach began to feel queasy and almost painful. When I let go of this tendency to accept it and focused on staying the course in my current career and business these symptoms quickly went away.

Let me ask you, regardless of the choice, decision or option - ever had a similar situation? Feeling it now due to a choice, opportunity or consequence that is facing you?

Is there an answer to emotional pain regardless if it was from a loss of a position or job, the loss of a loved one, having an important (from your perspective) email ignored or getting dumped after a few dates?

Here are a few things to consider in no order.

Ask yourself - what am I supposed to or can I learn from this?

Ask yourself - what is this trying to teach me.

Accept the fact that God (if you are a non-believer this one will have no meaning or benefit for you) doesn't punish us with stuff but allows stuff to help us learn. My first reaction to everything I don't like or want and even stuff I do is - OK, God - what are you up to with this?

Keep in mind that all of life's experiences are teachers trying to teach us about ourselves and not necessarily the situation or other people. (I was given three children for them to teach me not for me to teach them.)

Ask yourself - is this the first time this lesson has come to me or is it repeating because I have failed to learn from previous situations and if so - why?

Spend more time in prayer, meditation, quiet introspection and/or, nature.

Turn off technology and the outside world and just listen to yourself.

See the potential humor in everything.

Spend time listening to your favorite music.

There are numerous other tasks and/or activities you can do that can help you through the weeds of negative life circumstances that can cause pain but the most important one is the decision not to let outside circumstances or people take control of you.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Dont-Waste-Your-Pain---Use-It-To-Grow&id=9724632

The Secret to Achieving Any Personal Growth Goal!

We all have unfulfilled desires-aspects of our lives we want to change or grow. And we all know - from experience - that having a desire, an intention, or even a plan is not enough. How many times have you wished, intended, and planned to lose weight, start meditating, write that novel, get a new job, or change a relationship pattern-only to find yourself repeating the same old habits that give you the same old results?

There is one tested and proven secret to attract and create what you desire. This secret has been used by the leaders in every field to achieve every kind of goal. It's not natural talent, perfect timing, or good fortune. It's something we all can do, no matter who we are or what we've been through.

That secret is Daily Practice - taking one action every day to engage in what you desire.

Daily Practice is the way you take life into your own hands-and invite Providence to assist you. It insures that you live your priorities and shows the Universe what's important to you. It insures that what is most important isn't pushed aside.

To create a powerful and sustainable Daily Practice - one that is both doable and effective, simply ask yourself the following 12 questions. You don't have to take a lot of time with this or give it a lot of thought-though you can, if you want. Simply ask yourself each question and see what comes to mind. Then, go on to the next question.

Are you ready?

Here we go!

QUESTION #1: What is your number one personal growth goal?

What is most important to you right now? What's your dream? Choose one thing you want to practice, no matter how big or small.

QUESTION #2: Why do you want to practice this?

What's your purpose? What do you hope to experience, gain, or contribute?

If you don't know why you are doing something, it will fall by the wayside. When you don't feel like doing it or when something else comes up, you will let it go. Knowing your "why" keeps you going strong!

QUESTION #3: What exactly will you do?

Define the actions you will take.

For instance saying "I'm going to eat healthier" and "I'm going to start exercising" are good intentions, but poorly defined practices. Instead, it would be better to say that "I'm going to stop eating fried foods and I will eat at least one cup of fresh fruit or vegetables three times a day" or "I will take a brisk walk for twenty minutes every morning." Be specific.

QUESTION #4: How often will you practice?

The recommended answer here is "daily." Daily practice establishes your practice as a part of your circadian rhythm, your 24-hour life cycle. Actions repeated daily become "grooved" faster, run deeper, and have greater effect. So, do at least one thing, every day that moves your practice forward.

QUESTION #5: When will you practice?

Set a time. Then, put it on your schedule.

If you don't schedule it, inevitably, other things will come up. Before you know it, you'll be at the end of the day. It's likely that you will feel too tired at that point. Then, you'll put it off until tomorrow. My friend, Matt Clarkson, passed along a great illustration about "tomorrow." He tells me there's a pub in England with a sign that says, "Free Beer Tomorrow."

QUESTION #6: How long will you practice?

Commit to a specific minimum. If anything, under-commit, so you'll say, "Oh that's nothing, I can do that." If you commit to too much, you're more likely to skip it or see it as "too much effort." Once you get started, you're likely to do more because you're "into it." So, start small and expand from there.

QUESTION #7: Where will you practice?

It's important to choose a place that's conducive to what you're doing. For instance, if you are starting to meditate and you try to do it in a busy or noisy place, it's not likely to work well.

To support your practice, decorate your space with appropriate pictures, quotes, or décor that signifies what you are doing and why it's important to you.

QUESTION #8: Do you need any special equipment, supplies, or support for your practice?

Some examples include: having the right food in your house for your nutrition or weight loss practice, having the right tools and materials for your creative project, setting appointments with a personal trainer for your workouts, or downloading a guided meditation to support your meditation practice.

What will help you succeed?

QUESTION #9: How will you track your practice?

Especially when starting something new, it's a great idea to keep a journal in which you define what you're doing and why, list your goals, and make notes on your experiences.

Logging your efforts makes your practice more concrete, substantial, and real. It records the work you've put in. You are more likely to stick with something that you've put a lot into it.

Making notes on your practice also enables you to review what you've done.

QUESTION #10: How often will you review and modify your program?

Check in with yourself and see what's working, what isn't, and what changes you'd like to make so your practice is more enjoyable and effective.

At first, you might want to review and modify on a weekly basis. It's likely you'll go through some trial and error. Rather than being discouraged when things don't go well, use that as information to alter your routine to make it even better.

QUESTION #11: How will you keep your practice fresh and inspiring?

The same activity will be different every day, if you stay alert, purposeful, and present with the fine details of what you are doing-rather than mindlessly going through the motions.

Become a life-long student of your practice. Read what others are doing. Experiment. If things are getting stale, mix it up. Practice in a new location, adjust your technique, or practice with someone else. Use variety to keep your mind fresh and awake.

Remember "why" your practice is important. What do you want to achieve? What are you afraid might happen if you let this go?

QUESTION #12: How will you remind yourself to practice?

Put your practice in your schedule. Post a note on your alarm, your bathroom mirror, your refrigerator, or the dashboard of your car.

Now, you're ready to go! If you've answered these 12 questions, you've set yourself up for success. Now, it's time to take action.

Remember, Daily Practice is THE PATH to achieve any personal growth goal. It's the way to engage in and live your dreams every day.

So, what will you grow in your life?

Enjoy your practice!

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Secret-to-Achieving-Any-Personal-Growth-Goal!&id=9412659

Mentoring Can Help You Grow

Mentoring can help you grow in more ways than one and that is something that can bring a lot of growth for you as well. Mentoring is crucial for you if you want to experience many elements to boost your personal development.

Remember that mentoring can help you connect with elements that can make you achieve the things that you planned for in your life. When you learn many things from different people and when you discover helpful tips from those that have the skills and expertise, you can attain those things that you aimed for. When mentors surround you, it can make your life take on a positive note. The word "mentor" originated from the Odyssey. Odysseus entrusted the care of his son, Telemachus, to Mentor when he set out to fight the Trojan War.

If you want to grow, you need mentors to help you learn and grow through sharing their knowledge and wisdom with you. In this manner, you can benefit from their experience without having to suffer the consequences of learning it first hand. Mentoring is a new way for you to see things in a different perspective. Learning from others is not that difficult if you are willing to grow and gain knowledge. When you gain knowledge, you can have a more positive foresight on what to do with your life and how to deal with the challenges that might come your way in the coming days and years.

When you want to undergo mentoring, it can shape everything in your life. It can help you see things in a different perspective and at the same time accelerate growth. When you learn from others, you can become more competent to overcome life's challenges. Another thing that can help you out while undergoing learning from others it the development of new connections and building rapports with others that can help you soar above levels of mediocrities.

Mentoring can be a positive experience for you if you grasp its whole setup. Moreover, when you learn from others you are cultivating your best skills and strengthening your weakness. It can overcome your shortcomings in more ways than one and usher in growth and progress for you. Do not elude the things the things that can benefit you the most but rather grab hold of the things that can make your life easier and less complex. Learn the essence that can be attained when you allow yourself to be mentored and gain the positive aspects of it.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Mentoring-Can-Help-You-Grow&id=9410393

Dabble! You Have To Start Somewhere

"If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced." - Vincent Van Gogh

Content can take many forms. Of course it can be written, but now it can also be on video, podcasts, teleclasses, webinars, blabs, periscopes, the list goes on and on.

New platforms and new ways of creating content can be intimidating.

Saying "I can't... " is a surefire way to guarantee that you won't create something, that you won't grow, that you won't make a difference.

Even Van Gogh wasn't born being a professional painter. He had to start somewhere.

Dabble!

As adults, we often stop ourselves from trying new things because we think we won't be good at them immediately. We have high expectations right from the beginning. And that often means we never give ourselves the chance to try and to learn and to improve.

To dabble in something has a different feeling.

When we dabble, we lower our expectations. We give ourselves some space to just give it a shot.

Painting Bars

There is a great bar in Milwaukee that serves up canvases with their drinks. (They do sessions led by artists, and other cool things too).

One night, I was there with my husband during "Gallery Night." It was a public event in the area, so lots of people were out and about checking out places in the neighborhood. A couple of guys walked into this bar and ordered a beer.

One of them looked skeptically at the people who were painting, including me, and asked what was going on.

The bar tender explained how it worked and offered him a canvas and some paint. But he declined with a half smile that looked simultaneously embarrassed and "too cool."

But he kept watching other people painting. His friend encouraged him to give it a try. And finally he said, "Okay, why not?"

It was such a treat to watch him (and eventually my husband too!) dabble in the world of painting, something they had zero experience with.

And the result?

It turned out to be a lot more fun than they thought, and the end product was far better than they ever expected.

That's the magic!

Now, those men may never paint another picture again. But they can no longer say that they "can't" do it.

New Possibilities

This painting bar has grown a successful day-time business of hosting corporate groups for team-building and leadership events. It's hugely popular because when people are made to dabble in something outside their norm, new possibilities open up.

They become more vulnerable. They support each other differently. They take risks in ways they otherwise might not.

Many years ago, I thought that when I started my own business, it would be one of those "Paint Your Own Pottery" shops because I love encouraging and witnessing people dabble in new forms of creativity.

Now I do that in a different way, working with entrepreneurs on creating content. The similarities are striking.

Rather than stepping up to a blank canvas, you are stepping up to a blank computer screen or a video camera or a smart phone. In any of these cases you must be willing to put something on it and see what happens.

When you start by dabbling, you open the way toward improvement, new creations, and growth.

What is the thing you've been wanting to try for a while but haven't done it? How can you dabble in it? Get started!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Dabble!-You-Have-To-Start-Somewhere&id=9295791

2 Tips to Help You Tell It Like It Is

He didn’t have to tell me everything. But he did. He told his story and he didn’t leave anything out. He admitted his mistakes and he owned his actions. He held nothing back, even though it would have been easier, even though it would have been expected. But he was honest with himself and he was honest with me. He was candid. It was refreshing and I felt relieved to talk to someone so forthright.

In Creativity, Inc., Ed Catmull brought back the need for candor: “Seek out people who are willing to level with you, and when you find them, hold them close.” Even though he was referring to it in the business setting, he could have as easily been referring to all people in our lives.

When I reflect on the best relationships I have, personal and professional, the ones I value most are the real ones, the candid ones. Because, if you have feedback, I want to hear it. I want you to agree with me, to tell me that my presentation failed to connect, that my writing completely missed the point, and yes, that that dress is not flattering.

But rarely do we get that feedback—because we are afraid to give it. We fear sounding crass and disrespectful. And we were taught that if we didn’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

When we hold back from saying the things we want to say, we do so with the belief that we are being nice. We don’t tell the people we are close to our honest opinion or offer all the facts. We shy away from exposing the complete truth as if silence protects our relationships. And by not telling others what they should hear, we are also protecting ourselves because it gives others no reason to provide us critical feedback in return.

When we choose to stay quiet, it affects growth—ours and those around us. When we hold back information, how can we improve or benefit when the response to "How was it?" is “Fine”?

Being candid is a skill, and it’s one you can get better at:

1. Candor is providing actionable feedback. It is not criticizing.

I’ve found that one of the best ways to do this is using a sequence I learned in a coaching course. It’s made up of two statements: "What worked well?" followed by "It could have been even better if..."

Recently I completed this with a coaching colleague. We agreed what she did well was ask the client clear questions, and by the end of the session she was able to steer the client to actionable steps. Then we agreed that it could have been even better if she allowed the conversation to lead itself instead of mentally prepping the next question while the client was still answering the previous one—and even better if she would have taken a longer pause between topics to ensure the client’s thought process was complete.

By providing feedback in this sequence, we find a way of complimenting the other person (or ourselves) for what they have been able to accomplish, and we are able to comment in a format that is specific and actionable. Make sure to avoid vagueness—the person receiving the evaluation needs to know exactly what they could improve on.

2. Be proactive.

Admit your own flaws—when you are running 30 minutes late, don’t sugarcoat it as just “a few minutes.” Own up to your mistakes—call your customer and say you personally forgot to place their order right away and missed the next-day delivery cutoff time. Tell the truth—tell your colleague you recognize how hard public speaking is and that their speech would be even better if they recorded their practice sessions to become more aware of the number of times they say uhhh.

When you are the person who tells it like it is, the right way, people will respect you for your honesty. They’ll recognize your character as one that helps other people grow, improve, succeed—something very valuable in relationships, personal and professional.

http://www.success.com/blog/2-tips-to-help-you-tell-it-like-it-is

Are Your Goals Tough Enough? Or Too Tough?

How to find the sweet spot of difficulty

Aim high. It’s not as cliché as it sounds, says leadership expert Mark Murphy, author of Hard Goals:

The Secret to Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be. When you’re aiming

to achieve extraordinary things, hitting the farthest target—and missing—can be more

valuable than hitting the closest target and succeeding.

Undersetting goals—say, your target is to reach $5 million in sales over the next 12 months

when you’re already at $4.9 million—allows you to slack off and still hit your objective.

Oversetting goals—for instance, you want to surpass Facebook in users by 2016—can

leave you feeling so defeated that you’ll abandon your efforts.

When you set a goal, you should ask yourself two things:

• What new skills will I acquire by pursuing this goal?

• How will I grow as a person as a result of this goal?

“An appropriately difficult goal is going to require you to learn,” Murphy says. “It’s going

to stretch your brain, excite some neurons, amp you up and awaken your senses.”

Murphy suggests reflecting on what you consider your greatest accomplishments

(developing an innovative product, competing in a triathlon, earning your master’s degree in

business administration, nursing a parent through a difficult illness) and assessing how

much you needed to learn and change for those achievements. Or think about it this way: If

a goal is sufficiently demanding, you’re going to have two to four significant new learning

experiences along the way to reaching it.

Murphy offers another test to assess whether a goal is tough enough but not too tough. Ask

yourself, To what extent is this goal within my comfort zone? Possible answers:

1. Totally within my comfort zone. (“I could do it with my eyes closed.”)

2. Pretty much within my comfort zone. (“My eyes are open, but I’m not excited.”)

3. A little outside my comfort zone. (“I’m feeling a twinge of nervousness.”)

4. Outside my comfort zone. (“I’m on pins and needles.”)

5. Way outside my comfort zone. (“I’m so anxiety-ridden that I can’t even respond.” )

You should aim for No. 4, a goal that takes you into uncharted territory but doesn’t leave you

feeling hopelessly lost.

http://www.success.com/article/are-your-goals-tough-enough-or-too-tough