The First Step, In My Journey of Childhood Recovery (By Cynthia Farsadi)

Tony A's 12 steps for Adult Children of Alcoholism, are a little different from the original 12 steps. I do no relate to steps 3-10 in the original 12 steps. I have not lied and cheated or stolen from others, I do not have children that I have harmed and hurt by being abandoning or neglectful or shaming. I Never felt comfortable and couldn't "relate" in a original 12 step group. I wasn't a narcissist who didn't care about anyone but myself. But I came from a family of severe dysfunction. I say severe because I think there are many levels of dysfunction, it's not just one kind. But yes, I know that dysfunction is prevalant in many families and across many cultures, backgrounds, ethnicities. So when I finally found ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics or other dysfunction) and started attending meetings all this stuff, my STUFF started coming up! I knew that this was the program for me. I could relate to everyone in the group, on some level they were speaking my truth, they could understand what it was like living with a Mom that was suicidal, or a father that raged and was absent a lot. And family members constantly crossing boundaries with each other.

Immediately I wanted to attend a meeting a day. But I realized you can't rush your process, in fact that's another trait of someone from an alcoholic or dysfunctional family, is to RUSH the process, and try to move through all the steps too quickly.

Step 1 in Tony's A's Original 12 steps starts out like this:

"We admitted we were powerless over the effects of living with alcoholism, (dysfunction), and that our lives had become unmanageable."

For the longest time I wanted to deny this process! I wanted to say to the world and to myself that there's nothing wrong with me, it was 'them' that were sick! I'm so glad I got those people out of my life, and now I know all I need to do is keep sick people (addicts, abusers, manipulators, liars, cheaters, sociopath's etc.) out of my life and I will be set! Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. I ended up alienating myself even more and drowning in my work, another trait of an adult child. Now adult child doesn't mean we act like a kid as adults, it means when we were children we needed to be the "adults" because our immediate guardians or parents were too dysfunctional to take care of us. I know it's a sick cycle but this is how it goes.

Now what I am learning is that first step, to take the program one day at a time. To go to the meetings, to talk to people, to find a sponsor and to really begin a deeper level of healing. This is the first step in my own childhood emotional recovery.

https://ezinearticles.com/?The-First-Step,-In-My-Journey-of-Childhood-Recovery&id=9846529

4 Life Lessons I Learned From My Alcoholic Father

I grew up with an alcoholic father, and when I say alcoholic, he wasn't the beer-drinking, slurring kind — he was the obligatory-police-visits, hospital-visits, missing-persons-reports, suicidal-threats and the eroding-of-the-spirit alcoholic.

And while my childhood was often filled with anxiety and tension, there were nevertheless some beautiful times with my father. Looking back, what I can be most thankful for are the lessons I've carried with me:

1. The true tragedy of life is unrealized potential and extinguished talent.

We all come into this world with potential. However, somewhere along the line, we forget that anything is possible. Our experiences, and the meaning we give to them, start to create walls that, over time, block our creative visions.

Why is it so tragic when a young child dies? Because their possibilities have been cut short. We all acknowledge this as a tragedy in others, but we are indifferent to the wasting of our own talents.

My father was a genius: he got his pilot's license at age 21, he graduated with honours in architecture, he designed and built our family home, and his IQ was in the top 2 percentile range.

Sometime around age 40, his potential started to fade and idleness and apathy crept in. By then, he'd stopped seeing possibility and only saw problems.

As alcoholism took him further down the road of health ailments and mental illness, I saw that the second worst thing (after unrealized potential) is the extinguishing of talent. I saw fabulous skills and gifts erode until they were hardly recognizable.

The true tragedy of life is when we resign ourselves to the notion that this is all there is and all you’ll ever be. I ask you, since anything is possible, what is possible for you? And what talents have you been letting slip through your fingers?

2. Finding your purpose is paramount.

I watched my dad throw himself (compulsively, I may add) into many passions. Once, he started building a light aircraft in our basement (I can still smell the resin). Another time he bought an ex-racing yacht and, with meticulous precision, repaired the hull to the point that it became unsinkable.

What I often saw was his inability to transform those passions into a measurable result. The plane was never built and the yacht is still an ex-racing boat (and, unfortunately, still unsinkable).

What I started to witness in my father’s life, and what I also saw so clearly in my own, was an inability to get the distinction between a passion and a purpose. Passion implies compelling emotions; feelings drive passion. But I have compelling emotions (good AND bad) about many things in my life. What I often failed to see was my purpose. The why behind the what.

Had my dad given more time to his purpose — why he did what he did, why he wanted what he wanted — his passions may have resulted in a desired outcome. There was something he was always looking for, but because he'd never asked himself what that was, and why he wanted it, he wasn’t able to recognize it when it showed up.

Passion is expressed best with a purpose. What is the purpose behind your passions?

3. Sometimes you have to accept that you can never accept what is. And that leads to peace.

The time in my life I got clear on what I wouldn't accept, and what I was going to stand for, was when my life started to become peaceful. Like a line being drawn in the sand, a boundary can emerge that may have been invisible while you were so desperately, and profoundly, trying to accept the situation at hand.

I spent years trying to accept irrational and inappropriate behavior from my father. Along the way, I lost my values because I believed the “enlightened” and “right” thing to do was to accept it all.

Often a good sign that you don’t accept something is when you are finding it difficult trying to. That's when you need to ask yourself:

• Do I stand for this?
• Do I consent to this?
• Do I approve and agree to this?

If you can’t, then don’t force yourself to accept that situation, instead accept that you don’t accept it.

4. Don’t wait to hit your rock bottom — it may never happen.

It’s a universal fallacy to believe that we'll all change when life gets really bad. For many of us, our lives never get bad enough to warrant change. Why? Because we learn to tolerate. Like the proverbial frog in boiling water, you tolerate that soul-sucking job and lousy pay, the toxic relationships and your expanding waistline.

I was told many times that “Your father has to want to do it for himself. When he hits rock bottom, he'll make changes.”

What I wasn’t told was that many never do hit rock bottom. I’ll give it to humans because we are a resilient bunch. But while resilience is admirable, it can be the cause of a missing of aha moment, and prevent us from redirecting our lives.

My father used to tell me to take notice of the “older” couple in the corner of the restaurant getting though two bottles of wine during their meal. He’d so cynically (and ironically) point out that 15 years ago, they would have only gotten through half a bottle together. “That’s what tolerance is,” he’d say … and he was right; over time they’d leaned to tolerate more.

I ask you: where in your life are you tolerating? In what area of your life are you the frog in the pot? See where you can take action today, because you'll never know if you’ll be lucky enough to hit rock bottom.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14211/4-life-lessons-i-learned-from-my-alcoholic-father.html

Quitting Booze For A Month Has Some Awesome Benefits

This is crunch time. Are you really going to commit to that resolution or have you already thrown in the towel after just six days? Well, if it has to do with cutting back on the booze, power through. You're not alone. Many people are participating in what's called "Dry January" or "Drynuary," which means giving up alcoholic beverages for a month. And apparently, it's worth it.

The staff at the magazine New Scientist decided to find out if such a short-term period of alcohol abstinence could actually have health benefits, using themselves as the lab rats. The findings of their small experiment suggest the answer is yes.

In late 2013, 14 members of the magazine's staff — all of whom consider themselves to be "normal" drinkers — went to a hospital in London and answered questionnaires about their health and drinking habits, then underwent ultrasounds and gave blood samples. Then, 10 of them gave up alcohol for five weeks, while four of them continued drinking normally. After, they returned to the hospital to repeat the tests.

"Normal" drinking for this group ranged from 10 units of alcohol per week — which is about eight bottles of beer — to 80 units, or 64 beers, per week. This may seem high, but keep in mind that drinking is a national pastime in England, and the doctor told them that none of them were "problem drinkers."

Now, listen to these findings. You'll want to put your wine glass down so you don't spill anything.

Dr. Rajiv Jalan, a liver specialist at the Institute for Liver and Digestive Health at University College London, analyzed the results. He said that that among the abstainers, liver fat — a preface to liver damage — fell by at least 15%. For some, it fell almost 20%.

Surprisingly, those who quit drinking also saw their blood glucose levels — a key factor in determining diabetes risk — drop by an average of 16%.

"I was staggered," said Kevin Moore, consultant in liver health services at UCLMS. "I don't think anyone has ever observed that before."

The only negative was that people reported less social contact.

However, the findings cannot predict how this abstinence would work in the long-run. Blowing off booze for the month of January surely makes for a healthier entrance into February, but we don't know if the benefits would persist come March, April, and so on.

Just because you stop for a month doesn't mean you can just go on a crazy binge for the 11 other months. Do that, and you'll likely just drive your liver fat and blood glucose levels right back up. What's so exciting about this study is that it shows how quickly the benefits were evident, so we can only imagine the effects of prolonged abstinence (or even just cutting back).

And if these British journalists who are accustomed to drinking 64 beers a week can do it, why can't you? Try it out and let us know how you feel at the end of #Drynuary!

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-16932/quitting-booze-for-a-month-has-some-awesome-benefits.html