Stop Living By the Rules of Other People

At one point or another many of us have either cared about what other people thought about us, have been a people pleaser, or have allowed naysayers to block the path to us moving forward. I totally get it. But what I don't get is why some people continue that way of living to the point that they are not even living the life they desire to live, because they are living the life that others desire for them to live. There is nothing wrong with taking some advice from others, especially when it is done out of love and concern, but don't allow people to put you in a box. Who has time for that? Life is so precious and so sacred, and at the same time so short that we can't afford to waste any of it living within the framework of the opinions of others. Guess what? People are always going to have something to say. So if they are going to talk you might as well be living a life that makes you happy, right?

Too many times people allow the fire for their dreams to get snuffed out because someone doubted them, or because someone told them that their dream was too difficult to achieve, or because someone didn't support them. But we can't allow what other people think or say to keep us chained to a life of settling. There has to be a mindset shift that occurs. We have to get to that point where we think and believe in a way that is in alignment with what we want to see manifest in our life. Does that mean that things will be easy when we are working toward a goal? No it doesn't. But what it does mean is that we are not going to kill our dreams before they even get birthed, and we are not going to allow anyone else to do it either.

What is the point of walking around with a dream stuck in your heart? Who is that helping? It isn't helping anyone. If some people make you feel like your dream is too big then that's okay. When God places a dream in your heart it should be big, right? He is a big God so why would He give you a small dream? And just because your dream is too big for others to conceive doesn't mean that it is too big for you to achieve.

And never ever shrink down your dream to fit the small thinking of others. That is only going to make you feel discouraged and frustrated. And it can also cause you to be stuck in neutral, instead of moving forward. It is time for you to unleash the confidence to not only follow your dreams but to achieve them. And don't let anything stop you. You are amazing, you are driven, and you are powerful. And you've got this!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Stop-Living-By-the-Rules-of-Other-People&id=9921770

I'm a People Pleaser and I Can't Stand It Anymore (By Kathleen Dwyer Blair)

Help! How do I stop this lifelong pattern of putting everyone's feelings and needs before my own? It feels like it's killing me emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Yet, I don't know how to stop. Is it even possible? Is it just too selfish to even consider it? I'm exhausted. Depressed. Anxious. Downright disgusted. I am consistently praised by those I love and society for being so selfless and caring. Yet, I am stressed out and sometimes I feel like I'm dying inside. I feel like I'm drowning. If this sounds like you, then you may be a people pleaser.

What is a People Pleaser? 

A person who is a people pleaser is someone who feels that they must please others, or put others before themselves regardless of the emotional or physical price. Often this pattern comes from a place of feeling that if we don't do this then someone will be angry, disappointed, or may reject or abandon us. The thought of this may feel unbearable, so the pattern of people pleasing continues.

Is This What Life is All About? 

Some of us are in denial about being a people pleaser. Explaining to ourselves that, "I'm just a caring, compassionate human being and I really like it. I love doing things for the people that I love and it doesn't really matter how it affects me. I'm good with it."

For others of us we do not feel that we have been people pleasing for so long that it's just hopeless to even imagine changing it. We've always been the one to say yes despite the exhaustion of over-committing ourselves. "Is this what I am destined to do forever? Please others and not myself?"

The Effects of The Need to Please 

It is simply exhausting to be a people pleaser and always trying to figure out what the other person wants and needs. Especially when each person in our life wants and needs something different. Therefore, people pleasing depletes our energy-physically, emotionally and spiritually. We may neglect ourselves and our own needs and we might often become resentful. Yet we still don't stop. Often this is where a psychotherapist can help us explore and work through these patterns.

How Did This Pattern Start? 

For many of us, our people pleasing behavior was born and nurtured during our childhood. This behavior may have been a result of being raised in an alcoholic, or otherwise dysfunctional, family. Or becoming a people pleaser may have been because of being a middle child who may have felt invisible. Doing things for others may have been one of the only ways of receiving positive attention. We were the straight A student, or the child who always asked mom or dad "Can I help you?" thus, the son or daughter everyone wanted. Then the positive attention may have been reinforced by our parents, siblings, extended family and teachers.

My wish for you is that you can take the time today to make yourself a priority and do something that brings you happiness and joy.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Im-a-People-Pleaser-and-I-Cant-Stand-It-Anymore&id=9739821

How to Prevent Anxiety From Ruining Your Business

As an entrepreneur, you battle uncertainty daily. Will you make enough money? Will you lose clients? Will the market suddenly shift and cause a change in your business plan? While studies have shown some stress can be helpful and even fuel your success, when stress turns into anxiety, it can be detrimental both to your mental health and to the health of your business.

Los Angeles-based psychotherapist John Tsilimparis, author of Retrain Your Anxious Brain, says anxiety happens when the body tries to protect itself from external threats. “All living things, throughout evolution, have stayed alive because this anxiety function protects them,” he says. When the brain scans its environment and finds things that are threatening, it engages the fight, flight or freeze response system.

While early in human evolution, this system was engaged when humans felt threatened by a wild bear or some other predator, today this system can be triggered by fear of disappointing somebody, being late for a meeting, not making enough money or fear of being fired. These fears can serve as healthy motivators, causing entrepreneurs to be more ambitious, to seek out clients and set their watch five minutes ahead. “We need to always have something to be afraid of otherwise we become complacent; we don’t create, we don’t move forward,” says Tsilimparis.

But where stress crosses the line from being helpful to harmful is when it begins to impair your ability to enjoy life and function at work. 

So, how do you prevent stress from crossing the line from provoking success to fueling anxiety?  Tsilimparis has four suggestions:

1. Balance your need for perfection.

The old adage “in every failure there’s success and in every success there is failure” certainly holds true, but individuals who suffer from anxiety often hold the belief that everything has to be done right. “They succeed at 100 percent, but fail at 97 percent,” says Tsilimparis.

While there’s nothing wrong with aiming high, perfectionism causes you to look at the world in all-or-nothing, black-or-white terms. This kind of thinking results in exacerbated stress levels and can be debilitating in our working lives. Imagine if you expect your product to be absolutely perfect. It may never make it to market.

2. Stop being a people pleaser.

Others, too, can feed your anxiety. Seeking to impress everyone you meet and being devastated if you feel you’ve disappointed someone means that your self-worth is defined by others’ opinions of you. This type of thinking can be debilitating, especially for entrepreneurs. Tsilimparis says individuals who suffer from low self-esteem frequently doubt themselves and have difficulty making decisions because they’re too afraid of the consequences and what others may think of them.

3. Give up the illusion of control.

Of course, we know rationally that it’s impossible to have control over everything that happens to us in our lives, but individuals who suffer from anxiety often have an incessant need to for control. The problem is the search for a guarantee that things will turn out the way they envision will only serve to make them feel out of control and fuel their anxiety.   

4. Practice relaxation techniques.

Tsilimparis recommends deep breathing (breathing from the diaphragm to send a boost of oxygen to the brain) and progressive muscle relaxation (slowly tensing then relaxing muscle groups) to calm the body’s stress response and help prevent an anxiety attack.

http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/239726