The secret to Anna Wintour’s success isn’t “bitchiness”

Anna Wintour, the Vogue editor-in-chief and Condé Nast artistic director, should be known for many qualities: fierce intelligence, indomitable leadership, and political power, among them. But perhaps because The Devil Wears Prada was such a memorable movie—or perhaps because she is a woman—Wintour is best known as, well, a bitch.

It’s a shame, and not just because it’s sexist and irrelevant. Whether we are underlings in the workplace, fast-rising managers, aspiring leaders, or just observing from the sidelines, we could all learn a lot from one of the world’s most successful women.

Wintour gives few revealing interviews—her conversation with New York Magazine’s Amy Larocca in May was an exception well worth reading—but she did share a bit about her management style in the debut episode of Vogue’s new podcast.

Perhaps not surprisingly, the quality to which Wintour attributed her success has, probably, in large part contributed to her icy reputation, a Catch-22 that’s well-known to female leaders: She’s decisive.

It’s a winning trait in a leader, and to some, a fearsome quality in a woman.

In the podcast, Wintour told Vogue contributing editor Andre Leon Talley that she learned it from watching her father, the late London Evening Standard editor Charles Wintour.

I was brought up in a family of journalists, and a mother who was deeply committed to human rights, so I think that the mix of those two huge influences have been very, very important to me. And I was able to see my father for many, many years—he was an editor for as long as I have been [an editor]. I learned what it was to be an editor, I think. And I learned how important it is to lead and be decisive, and to, in a way, empower other people to do their best. And I think that’s really what I’m proud of in [the September] issue, is that a lot of freedom was given to a lot of people, and they all came back trumps…

…Is there any one thing that you regret about being at Vogue? Is there anything you regret?

Well no, I don’t have regrets. Certainly we have made mistakes, but you try and learn from your mistakes. And the most important thing is always to move forward, and, I think empower people to do their best, and to lead. I think people respect that, and work better under those circumstances.

I was just discussing a similar situation at lunch yesterday, about what makes a great political candidate. And I feel it’s energy, it’s vitality, and the sense that you’re going to lead people in a direction that maybe they haven’t been before, and didn’t know that they could achieve. And in a very, very, small way, that’s what one tries to do here at Condé Nast.

Trust your instincts, empower your employees to do the same, learn from your mistakes, and move on.

The rest of the podcast episode was mostly just a redux of the magazine’s September issue, but the possibility of hearing Anna Wintour’s ongoing professional advice just made me a subscriber.

http://qz.com/506345/the-secret-to-anna-wintours-success-isnt-bitchiness

3 Reasons We Can't Make Up Our Minds

Whether it's marriage or lunch, decisions can flummox you. Time to step up

Amy and Jack have been living together for three years. They seem to be doing well together, but Amy is getting impatient. She wants to get married and start having kids, but Jack hesitates. Their situation typifies your classic case of commitment phobia, right?

Maybe, but there’s something else at work here. You see, it turns out that Jack doesn’t just waffle around marriage, he can waffle about anything—taking a new job, buying a new shirt, whether to go for the special at Arby’s, or what to bring to the company picnic. The problem is that Jack is indecisive overall, not just about Amy or marriage.

Why is Jack so afraid to just be bold and jump in?

Here are 3 possible reasons for his hesitation (and maybe yours)—and their solutions:

1. Making a big mistake. Jack’s head may live in "The World of Right." He worries that marriage or job will lead to regret and "The Land of Woes." In his mind:

• The shirt might not fit after it is washed
• The Arby's special will taste awful and he’ll regret his stupidity and recklessness for the next two days
• He’ll bring the exact same dish to the picnic as three other people, and his will be untouched.

While none of this is likely to happen, he worries that it might, and over the emotional consequences of making a "mistake." He gets immobilized.

Solution: Jack thinks that he needs to anticipate all these possibilities, ad infinitum, and have a solution to each of them, before he can act. For him, every decision is just as important as every other. What he needs to do is to take the risk of being decisive. He needs to train his brain to see that the everyday issues that may arise on the job or marriage are simply new problems, not reminders of his bad choices. The shirt, picnic, the Arby's order—all of these may be good learning experiences, teaching him to move up a size on the shirt, skip Arby's, or keep it simple and just bring a six-pack to the picnic. 

2. Others may be hurt or upset. Maybe it's not really fear of making a big mistake. Maybe Jack is dithering about marriage because he feels that sex (and overall affection, for that matter) with Amy has never been that great. He doesn’t verbalize these concerns, though, because he fears hurting her feelings. And the staff picnic? Well, he'd rather skip the whole thing, but he's worried that his colleagues will think he is standoffish. Again, paralyzed. Trapped by a problem and an emotion.

Solution: Amy will likely be hurt by Jack's criticism of their sex life. But later she may appreciate that his honesty is preferable to holding it in. She may realize (as hopefully Jack will, too) that this is part of testing and forming a strong relationship—that each person can weather the other's honesty and solve problems together.

As with the big mistake, Jack needs to try thinking that Part 1 of his approach is speaking up; Part 2 is helping Amy deal with her hurt—a new problem. Ditto with his colleagues: He can take the risk of saying that he is bowing out of the picnic, and then gauge the reaction. If they give him a hard time, then he can plan how to tackle this as a new problem.

3. He’s conflicted. In this model, Jack clearly has a mix of feelings, they all are jumbled up, and he can’t sort them out. Marriage, potato salad, blue shirt vs. white shirt—it doesn’t matter. Being "right" or worrying about others' reactions may contribute to his paralysis, but Jack may simply be overwhelmed and unclear what to do with so many options and emotions. He’s in that murky state of ambivalence. He’s likely thinking about this way too much; he has a hard time separating the important from the less important.

Solution: The antidote to ambivalence is action. He needs to pick…something. Set a date for the marriage and see what happens. Commit to the potato salad and realize that at worst he’ll have it for lunch the next day. Buy the blue shirt, don’t wash it, hang it up and stare it for a few days, and gauge how his feelings change.

Source: walkingtheshoreline.com

This is all about getting out the mental fog. Through action you get closer to how you really feel. If that the action itself is too overwhelming, Jack can still ramp it up by setting a date to act. For example, he could give the relationship another six months and use that has a drop-dead time for making a clear decision.

Of course, there’s a parallel process and story going on here: Amy’s own indecisiveness. Where Jack seems hesitant to jump in, Amy may be hesitant to jump out. Ambivalence can be contagious. Maybe it's time for her to be decisive?

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fixing-families/201507/3-reasons-we-cant-make-our-minds

9 Signs You're A Highly Sensitive Person

Has anyone ever told you to calm down, stop being so sensitive, or not take things so seriously? I can say yes, yes, and yes without a blink of an eye. I was the sensitive one in my family, and I guess I still am. We all laugh about it now, because I can easily be brought to tears by so many different things.

I don't question what may be wrong with me any more, because when you live with people who don't show their emotions like you do, you think something's wrong with you. Age, along with the knowledge that 15-20% of the population is highly sensitive, helped me embrace my personality.

Since discovering that HSPs are such a large group of people, I've learned more about what it really means to be a highly sensitive person. There's much more to this trait than just crying easily.

Below are some common characteristics that people with HSP share; if you recognize these signs in yourself, you may be one too. I can personally relate to each and every one.

1. You're hyper aware of subtleties in their environment.

HSPs usually notice things that other people miss. Maybe it's a new haircut or furniture that's been rearranged. Sounds can startle them easily, and they're more sensitive to certain smells and fabrics.

2. You're easily affected by others' moods.

Everyone is affected by the moods of others, both positive and negative, but the effect is heightened in highly sensitive people. It's great if you're around positive people, but not so great when you're around people with heavy energy.

3. You become overwhelmed quickly.

If you ask an HSP to do too many things at once, she becomes overloaded and rattled. HSPs don't do well in chaotic or stressful situations. Many times highly sensitive people will arrange their lives to avoid overwhelming situations. If they end up in a chaotic environment, they'll probably find a quiet place to down-regulate their overly stimulated brain.

4. You take criticism to heart.

Criticism is part of life. But because highly sensitive people feel things more deeply, they'll hold onto criticism longer than someone not so sensitive. As a result, they tend to be people-pleasers, removing room for criticism. It's important to note that while they hold onto criticism, a compliment will go a long way.

5. You make compassionate friends.

Highly sensitive people are also very intuitive and feel deeply. They're able to empathize with people, to a point where you almost feel like they're going through what you're going through.

6. You're conscientious.

HSP's are very considerate with above-average manners. They're the first to notice when someone is rude or inconsiderate. They'll give up their seat on a bus or move out of the way on the sidewalk without even really thinking about it. It comes naturally to them.

7. You tend to avoid violent movies and TV shows.

Since HSP's rank high on the empathy scale, they tend to stay away from shows with violence or horror in them. They know negative news or violence will upset them, so they do what they can to avoid it.

8. You have a deep appreciation of art, music and nature.

Highly sensitive people are often deeply moved by the arts and nature. The natural beauty of nature is healing and calming to them. Oceans, rivers, and lakes give them a sense of comfort.

9. You don't feel very decisive.

Highly sensitive people think with their emotions. This, coupled with being acutely aware of subtleties and details, makes it harder for them to come to a decision. They can easily get upset if they make the wrong decision or poor choice.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-16215/9-signs-youre-a-highly-sensitive-person.html