Message From the Universe: Living Like Royalty!

"It's kind of like you're now working as the caretaker of the most fabulous estate imaginable, with opulence, beauty, and perfection that truly boggles the mind. And you work for some lofty, often whispered about, mysterious royal heir who none have ever met, yet for whom legends abound.

An owner renowned for a brilliant sense of adventure, ingenious creativity, and outrageous self-imposed challenges.

And you're so mesmerized by the winding paths, the immaculate gardens, coffered rock jetties, and shimmering waterways that it just hasn't dawned on you yet that this... has been your greatest challenge of all. Your Highness.

You didn't hear it from me,

The Universe"

Your feelings of greatness can come to reality. It all starts with ONE thought. A thought so real, so palpable that pushes you to move forward, towards your ultimate destination. There is NO reason why others made it and not you. It is important to never compare yourself to what or how others made it, as we all have different journeys in life. It is important to get inspired by the accomplishments of others, but do not let it deter you from your ultimate goal. It is not because he made 1 billion dollars that you are left with 1 billion less. There is so much abundance out there that there is enough for everyone to get their share. Focus on what you personally want out of life, and go for it. I am sure that you will get discouraged at times, but no one ever said that the path to success will be an easy one. There will be ups and many downs as well. You will be experiencing hardship, lots of failures, anger, sadness, depression, and a lot more worst attributes that you can even fathom. However, when the good times do emerge, you will look back and say: "it wasn't that bad after all". It might be easier said than done, but how about just allowing to experience this feeling and go reach the summit. I know you want it as bad as any other ones who succeeded, so give it time and always stay on your track to success. Embrace the challenges that comes into your life and to alleviate these challenges, always ask yourself: "What's the worst that can happen"? and start looking for a solution from that point on. By finding it, you will resolve the fear that originated from that challenge.

This is what you need to expect from life and it is crucial that you keep yourself open minded for everything that you will encounter. There is never any optimal solution to every problem you will face, but try looking for something that will allow you to move forward, regardless of the issues. You do not want to allow anything bringing your down and keeping you there permanently. You want to pull yourself up and start climbing the ladder. You may fall at times, but it is crucial to get back up. It will certainly hurt, but once you reach the top, you will certainly feel like a new person, someone that has no limits or no fear. You want to tap yourself on the back (if you can, of course) and ask yourself: "OK, that wasn't too bad. What's next?"

http://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-Living-Like-Royalty!&id=9467372

Let's Talk About It: A Model of Communication

It is All Around Us

We, unfortunately, live in a world where conflict is all too frequent. It is in our workplaces, our schools, our neighborhoods, and our homes. The subject matter for this conflict are many. However, every conflict has some common threads. They all involve two, or more, people and they typically involve some form of communication.

In this article we discuss a typical model of communication. We want to highlight those areas most susceptible to giving way for conflict.

The Three Cs

We believe some definitions are important. All communication includes what I call the three Cs. There is content (C1) which includes the words, signs, or symbols that we use to convey a message to others.

There is context (C2), which includes the circumstances that form the background of a message to another. This includes the event that gives rise to the communication as well as one's perspectives and beliefs surrounding the event.

Then there is the construct (C3) of communication. This includes the phrasing, tone, pitch, and volume of the message.

All of these elements combine to form a complete communication. Moreover, any element that is not congruent is sufficient to affect the overall communication.

A wise communicator, or just a person trying to avoid, or reduce, conflict should be aware of how this model works. So let us look at the model.

A Model of Communication

In this model A & B are persons engaged in communication. For these purposes, A is originator of the communication and B is the receiver. A has a message to send so A contemplates the best mode (V) and means (C3) to send this communication. The V is to be understood as the vehicle used, whether it be a writing or audio message. The mean encompasses (C3), the tone, phrasing, pitch and volume of the message. The correct V is important because if A chooses the wrong V the message can be lost. The same applies to the correct C3. If a wrong C3 is sent the message can be misinterpreted or misread.

As the V is sent the first barrier it encounters is the N1, or noise. N1 is the ancillary noise that gets attached to the message on the sender's end. Noise can be in the form of static if the message is audio. Alternatively, if written, it can be poor grammar, prose, or awkward structure.

The V flows along until it confronts N2. This is the noise on the receiver's end. The message can also be intercepted and that brings its own N2.

Once the message is received by B, the message is decoded for C1, C2 and C3 and a response is fashioned. Then the process begins again from B to A. This is why we say the process is recursive. It loops back and forth until the parties disengage.

The Effects of the Three Cs

The first C we discuss is context (C2). If communication takes on improper forms, or mismatches the background event, an improper message will be sent. For instance, if an argumentative message, where no argument was suggested, is sent there will be conflict. If the background does not support or encourage a sent message conflict will result. The converse is also true.

When the message is congruent with the C2 it has a greater chance of being properly received. More, a properly constructed message can change the background (C2). For instance, a kind and gentle message will reduce a hostile angry environment.

The question becomes how do we construct the proper message. I would submit when we construct messages with inflammatory language we can trust we will receive a similar message. On the contrary, if we use conceding or neutral words we most likely will receive a similar message in response.

If we use attributing language, like "You this" or "You That" you will have conflict. If you use accepting language such as "I this" or "I that" you will be much better received. This is understanding the power of the C1.

Finally, our last C is construct or C3. This is very important. If you use wrong construct your C1 can be irreparably changed. For instance, if you say "I love you" in a hostile, loud tone and volume will your receiver feel loved?

The three Cs are vital elements in successful communication.

Noise, It Is All Around Us

Now we have to understand the roles of N1 and N2. When you form your message ask yourself what are your feelings? What is your attitude? What are you trying to convey? Please understand these are all reflected in the N1. Worse, they send a sub conscious message often in disparity with your three Cs. So you need to get your noise right before you send any message. Sometimes this means not being so quick to communicate. Sometimes just take a breather, get yourself together. It is OK not to communicate right away or until you are ready to do so without conflicting noise.

The same applies to the receiver with their N2. Sometimes you do not need to receive a message until you have your noise right. Put it down. It will still be there. Do not read it or hear it until you are ready. Do not allow the noise of the sender to determine the noise of the receiver. This is your message, own it, control it.

Now here is a really difficult part of communication. You have to think about how the receiver's N2. The question is how will they receive this message. You have to anticipate their N2 and insure it does not frustrate your message. That is difficult yet very necessary.

If you do not care, go for it. However, that is not communication. If you perceive the receivers N2 will be a block you may need to give more attention to your three Cs. The goal in communication is to be understood.

Conclusion

This is a very simplistic explanation of the communication process. However, it clearly makes the point of how communication works. More, how one employs these concepts will determine largely how they manage conflict.

We can, and will, explore these ideas in greater depth. However, hopefully this article does raise your awareness.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Lets-Talk-About-It:-A-Model-of-Communication&id=9388898

Your Feelings Are Important Too!

Many individual mindsets are programmed to sympathize with others suffering unless it is in the extreme by which they may become empathetic.

How many times have you heard the clichéd quote "Do not complain as someone else is living off worse than you" or "Well I have been through worse so you will be fine" or "Find some gratitude as many go without in Africa" etc.

When I hear this approach it breaks my heart because without realizing, that person has completely disregarded the individual's feelings. Naturally our default mode tends to criticise, judge, condemn and worry about the past, the present, the future and events that are not even personally connected to us. By disregarding the individual's feelings this then fuels their default thinking process. It becomes an implanted sentence by which they attack themselves with and lowering what self esteem they have left.

Everyone handles emotions, pains and sees things in different ways, meaning their reaction will differ person to person. Just because you believe you have experienced in your words "darker moments" or "had a harder life" it does not mean that they are not struggling with what they are facing. Again THEY, not you!

We need to stop and listen intently to the sufferer. Not to say dutifully that "it will be fine" as this does not help the sufferer in the present. Saying "its okay" is also not being empathetic but sympathetic. Try to remember your darkest moments. Look for the similarities in the painful emotions triggered and remember the words you wanted to hear.

This is the moment to give love, comfort and give them your time. The moment to share similar experiences so they do not feel alone and even if you do not know say so openly but assure them that you are there for them to lean on.

So today let us focus on being emphatic and stopping the automatic disregard response we do whether intentional or not. Let us offer an open ear, our time and comforting words that you are there by their side. Let them see that what they are feeling and their reaction is completely understandable and they have every right to. From this they can build self love, acceptance and healing.

When we receive sympathetic support we end up disregarding our emotions and instead turn on to ourselves as the enemy and not the sufferer.

Xo Love and Light oX

http://ezinearticles.com/?Your-Feelings-Are-Important-Too!&id=9349398

Is It Selfish to Love Myself?

Is it Selfish to Love Myself?

This question has been confusing for me for a long time, until I finally figured out the answer a few months ago. I felt a great relief and excitement to try out different ways to love myself and enjoy the benefits. My relationship with others has magically improved ever since. So, I'd like to share my findings with you and hopefully this may bring you some value.

The fundamental difference between these two is that being selfish is a result of lacking something internally and not being aware of that. It could be a lack of love, confidence, security or real happiness. People who are selfish have likely not yet accepted what they lack and instead of working on these areas, they unconsciously try to get other people to meet these needs for them. The intention is always on others. Whether it's about what they can get from others, defending themselves from others or demanding things from others... Even though it may not be pleasant to come across such a situation, but knowing that these people are just trying to get their internal needs met, may provide us with more options to how better react to it.

Self-love happens when someone is AWARE about themselves and FULLY embracing themselves as the way they are. People who love themselves take responsibility and full ownership of their own needs and wants. They know that they are in charge of their needs and they are able to meet these needs by themselves. They set healthy personal boundaries and express what they want and need in a kind manner. The intention is not to "take" from others, but to respect and meet their own needs.

Knowing that, we always need to put on our own oxygen mask first, and then help others. Why is that? Imagine if you feel very tired and need to catch up with sleep, but you've made an appointment with your partner for dinner and a movie tonight. What would you do? If you proceed anyway without expressing your tired feeling and the need to sleep, you may not be able to be present during the dinner and movie. You may react emotionally to your partner because you unconsciously sacrificed yourself. Even if nothing goes wrong, would you really enjoy the whole experience? As a result, would you be happy? Would your partner be happy? Now, let's go back to the oxygen mask question, the reason is when we have met our own needs, it allows us to better help others to meet their needs. Similarly, when we love ourselves, it allows us to better love people around us.

At this point, you may still not be 100% clear on the difference between "love yourself" and "being selfish". It's OK. We can try to go deeper and let's take the last paragraph's example. You may worry that expressing your feelings and needs may upset your partner, may cause an argument or being judged as selfish. I agree that there are different ways of communicating and with different people it works differently. But keep in mind expressing your feelings and needs doesn't mean imposing your wants on your partner. It's about expressing your true-self and seeking for understanding and mutual agreement. It's important to allow your partner to choose what they want to do to best get their own needs met. In this case, they may choose to just have a simple dinner and postpone the movie. They may choose to let you rest and go to dinner and movie with someone else. They may also choose to postpone the whole plan. Being able to express yourself truly and respect your partner's choice creates real intimacy for the relationship which can allow you both to better love each other in the future. This does not only apply to loving relationship, but to any kind of relationship. Can you notice how it's different from being selfish? If your partner is not able to provide understanding and support your primary needs, allow yourself to be with a different partner. This is another topic which we can look into next time.

If you feel you struggle with loving yourself, you can actually find plenty of recourses on the internet, books, videos, podcasts, etc. In fact, self-love is the ultimate goal for all kind of self-development and spiritual works. It's a well developed area. Here I would like to just introduce two little tips which have helped me in the past.

1, Write a list of things you are good at and things you really appreciate yourself for. It can be as small as "I cook yummy chicken soup." Or "I draw well." If you really struggle with this, you can ask your friends to help. Ask them to write down "What do you benefit from being friends with me?" Add the answer to your list. Every day, review the list when you wake up and before you sleep, allow yourself to feel the joy of reading it through.

2, Whenever you don't know what to do or which decision to make, ask yourself "What would someone who loves themselves do?" accept the answer and act on it. When you ask yourself this question, your intuition will automatically give you the answer, it doesn't matter how small the decision is. It could be "Should I have an apple or a banana?" Your intuition knows at that particular moment, an apple or a banana would be better for your body.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Is-It-Selfish-to-Love-Myself?&id=9388274

Managing The Heartbreak of Not Being Seen or Heard

Take a few minutes right now and think back to your childhood. Do you remember a time when you felt deeply unseen, unheard, misunderstood?

How did you feel at that time? You likely felt crushed, shattered, heartbroken, lonely and helpless over your parent, caregiver, teacher, sibling or friend. But these are very big feelings - way too big for a child. What did you do? Did you shut down and numb your feelings in some way, or did you cry, get angry, seek revenge or go into resistance?

Do you remember a different time, when you felt deeply seen, heard and understood? Did you ever feel this, or do you have no memory of ever being fully received? Was there no one you could turn to for help, comfort and understanding?

Too many children grow up never being fully received - never feeling fully seen, valued, heard and understood - never feeling grokked. ('Grok' is a term coined by Robert Heinlein in his wonderful book "Stranger In a Strange Land." We feel 'grokked' when we are deeply seen, heard and understood.)

When we didn't feel grokked, we needed to protect ourselves from feeling the shattering pain of this, so we developed our many protections to avoid our feelings and attempt to have control over others seeing and hearing us. But the conundrum of this is that we will never be grokked when we are protecting ourselves with our various addictive controlling behaviors.

The challenge for all of us as adults is to learn to manage the intense heartbreak of not being seen or heard. Learning to manage the shattering feeling of heartbreak in our body can be very hard - especially if we experienced trauma from abuse.

Learning to Manage Heartbreak and Helplessness over Others

The very first skill you need to develop is learning to be kind to yourself and hopefully learn to feel compassion for yourself. Kindness and compassion for yourself lets your inner child know that YOU are seeing, hearing and understanding yourself - that you grok yourself. When you judge yourself for your painful feelings, you are letting your inner child know that you are not seeing and valuing yourself. This rejection of yourself causes even more pain.

Even if you can't yet tolerate the feelings of heartbreak, loneliness and helplessness from not being seen and valued, and even if you can't yet feel self-compassion, practice being very kind to all your feelings - even if you feel numb.

Compassion is not a feeling we generate in our own being. It's a feeling we open to and invite in. It is a gift of Spirit, and when you open to learning about loving yourself with your higher self, you can consciously invite compassion into your heart.

If you know that you were traumatized and perhaps suffer from PTSD, it's vitally important to receive trauma therapy. You can learn the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and the Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) online, and you can work with a facilitator with Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Somatic Experiencing (SE), or other very helpful and healing trauma therapies. The important thing is to heal your body enough so that you can tolerate feeling the heartbreak of not being grokked, and learn to manage it rather than avoid it.

Without being able to feel your feelings, you won't be able to see and hear yourself. You will continue to reject and abandon yourself as you were rejected and abandoned.

Deep healing comes when you learn to grok yourself - to see, hear and deeply value who you are and all that you feel. Often, this means that you first need to feel deeply seen and valued by another, which is what occurs in good therapy or facilitation.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Managing-The-Heartbreak-of-Not-Being-Seen-or-Heard&id=9403040

Anger: Let It Go

When we fully feel, experience and are present with an emotion, it only lasts for short periods of time (minutes to hours).

But what about the person who always seems to be angry, depressed, grumpy or in a bad mood? They have turned what is an emotion into a state. A state is created by the mind when you replay things over and over again.

When we watch a bad movie, do we watch it again and again? Of course not! So why would you replay a 'bad' event in your life over and over again in your head? All it serves to do is to reinforce the emotion over and over again.

Here are some strategies my patients and I have found helpful in letting go of bad states:

• Write and journal your feelings. If it was a person who angered you, write them a letter. Once you've gotten everything out on paper. Burn it or throw it away.

• If you are feeling the need to move or hit something, try a punching bag or a pillow. That way, you get exercise at the same time. It's also a positive way to release stored up energy.

• Try meditation to calm your mind. There are great app's like Headspace that teach beginners how to meditate.

• Try something new. Take up a new hobby, sport, etc. Channel your emotions into something positive and creative.

• Focus on things that you have control over. You are in charge of the way you feel, how you react and your perspective on a situation. You can't control how someone else reacts. Recognize where you can make changes and work in those areas.

• Find a friend and ask for 5 minutes to rant. After 5 minutes, your time is up and you move on.

• Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Perhaps they were having a bad day before they met you, maybe there's too much on their plate or they are overworked and stressed. How often have you acted out in times of stress?

• Forgive. Picture them in your mind and say to them "I forgive you".

• Identify the lesson. In each situation, you can learn something about yourself or life. Ask yourself, what is the lesson here? If it was someone else that triggered your anger, ask yourself, what buttons exist within you that were pushed? Do you have a need to be right? An expectation of being perfect? Did you get upset because one of your expectations were not met?

• If you are still having trouble letting go or something traumatic has happened to you, please come in for a consult or seek further help.

Physical, emotional and mental tension that is not resolved gets stored in your body. Over time, you run out of 'storage space' and secondary conditions such as pain, can occur. Learn to optimize your nervous system by letting go.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Anger:-Let-It-Go&id=9478994