How To Break-Free From People Pleasing

Have you ever truly felt "Approved"? I won't be surprised if you answered "No" to that question. Because most of us don't feel "Approved" enough to cause us to believe it. And as a result we go through life feeling "wrong", "insecure" and "rejected" thereby losing our self-confidence and developing low self-esteem. In fact, not feeling approved can leave us so empty and hungry inside that we may eventually seek to satisfy ourselves by doing things we think will cause others to like us, affirm us and approve us, thus becoming an "Approval Addict"!

I am sure you would agree that trying to impress others is exhausting! It minimizes your own importance and individuality, which could be very damaging to you in the long run. The good news is that you no longer have to continue to find worth, validation or value in other people's approval. You don't need to suffer any longer with insecurity or rejection. You don't have to strive to please others while feeling miserable yourself. There is a cure for the approval addiction. Here are a few quick and easy steps to get you started!

Give your opinion freely. Give your opinion, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Start with smaller things like what you'd like to eat or which movie you'd like to see or how you'd like to spend your time.

Avoid judging others. Check if you are constantly judging others in a variety of situations? Notice your thoughts. If you are overly critical of others, it's only natural that you assume others are the same towards you. By avoiding this type of behavior in yourself, you will drop the assumption that everyone else is judging you. Just allow others to be as they are. It makes life more interesting. Sit back and enjoy the differences.

Be aware that disapproval could be a manipulation tool. Knowing this can free you from seeking the approval of others. In many cases, they are just in the game for themselves.

"If you are an approval addict, your behavior is as easy to control as that of any other junkie. All a manipulator needs do is a simple two-step process: Give you what you crave, and then threaten to take it away. Every drug dealer in the world plays this game."- Harriet B. Braiker

Many people use disapproval as a means of getting what they want and trying to control others. They may disapprove of your opinion, clothing, hairstyle, or anything else to enjoy the fruits of your submission. If someone disapproves you, ask him or her to explain. Remember that most negative people are looking for a victim, not a fight. When you stand up for yourself, many of the bullies disappear.

Don't be bothered by what someone thinks of you. We seem to be born with an intense desire to "fit in". But just because someone does not approve of you it doesn't mean that you are undesirable. It could actually be more about them than about you. It is true that you might suffer from a little bit of anxiety when feeling unaccepted but if you just hold your ground that too shall pass.

"You will never gain anyone's approval by begging for it. When you stand confident in your own worth, respect follows." - Mandy Hale

Fill your life with things that are important. Spend quality times on things you enjoy to do or that are meaningful to you. This is sure going to make you very happy and content. You are going to absolutely love that freedom of being yourself!

Being overly concerned about the opinions of others is damaging to your self-esteem. Each time you seek approval, you are diminishing your own importance. You are causing yourself pain. Your opinion matters! You matter! Allow your individuality to be seen and experienced by others.

"A balanced inner calmness radiates from a peaceful center. It neither craves others' approval nor rejects others' presence. It neither pulls towards nor pushes away. It has a reverent attitude towards life and all its inhabitants." - Donna Goddard

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How to Conquer Your Sales Fears

The expression, "He could sell ice to an Eskimo," acknowledges that certain people are born salespeople.

For most small-business owners, however, the selling process is anything but easy. In fact, when it comes to pitching their product or service, many entrepreneurs struggle with any number of issues, including lack of confidence in themselves or their product, fear of failure and fear of closing the deal. The good news: Experts say these fears can be overcome with the proper attitude, training and practice.

Here are five of the most common fears about selling and how they can be conquered.

Fear No. 1: You will make a negative first impression. We all know how important a first impression is, and the fear that you will not make a good one can be intense. It may even make you avoid meeting ideal prospects.

How to overcome it: Show credibility through your appearance and non-verbal behavior, says Larina Kase, author of Clients, Clients and More Clients: Create an Endless Stream of New Business with the Power of Psychology (McGraw-Hill, 2011). Research shows that people are attracted to others who dress like them, she says, adding, "If your audience is school-aged girls, you may wear hot pink or purple, or if your audience is conservative business suit types, you may wear a suit with a bright shirt or tie, something that also shows your personal style." Focus on non-verbal behaviors like smiling (though not a "perma-smile"), eye contact and open posture, and be sure not to fidget and play with keys or other objects.

Fear No. 2: You will be rejected. Experienced salespeople know they aren't going to be successful 100 percent of the time, but newcomers may regard failure as the end of the world. Joe Stewart, owner and general manager of Danco Transmission in Fairfield, Ohio, remembers attempting his first sale at age 21. "I almost turned white with fear from what might happen if they said that awful two-letter word we all despise as salespeople, 'No,'" he recalls.

How to overcome it: Professionals not only know rejection happens, they look forward to it, says Peter Shallard, a Sydney, Australia-based business psychology expert and blogger. Understanding the reasons behind a rejection can help you refine your product and presentation. Stewart, now 43, reflects on that first experience, saying, "For me, the only way to beat that fear was to confront it. The more I did it the better I became at it, and less fear was the result."

Fear No. 3: You'll come across as pushy. We've all had at least one negative experience with a salesperson who kept pushing and pressuring and wouldn't let us leave or hang up the phone. Many business owners worry they'll make prospects feel that way.

How to overcome it: Kase suggests focusing more on having a conversation with someone than simply selling. Learn the prospect's needs and ask yourself if what you're offering is of real value to that person. When you care about your prospective customer and develop a sense of trust, you're more likely to make the sale. "My first customer let me know that at first they felt uncomfortable due to the horror stories they had heard about other auto repair places," Danco's Stewart says. "But that quickly subsided after speaking with me because I made them feel as though they were family."

Fear No. 4: You won't deliver. Even when you do get a yes, you may fear you won't be able to fulfill all of the person's expectations. You may even suffer from the "Impostor Syndrome," which means you're starting to question the value of your own products.

How to overcome it: Kase suggests gathering feedback from customers and taking note of all the ways you have delivered. That approach helped Christine Buffaloe, who started Serenity Virtual Assistant Services, an online business management service, in 2005, and feared people would think she wasn't worth what she was charging. Buffaloe says she gained confidence from reading the testimonials on her own website. "Continuously look for ways to improve your services so you are sure you're providing optimal value," she adds, "and you will always be confident in your abilities."

Fear No. 5: You don't know if you're doing it right. Going into sales without any training can be terrifying. How do you know you're using the right tactics and offering people what they need?

How to overcome it: Debra Condren, president and CEO of Manhattan Business Coaching and author of Ambition is Not A Dirty Word(Broadway, 2008), recommends learning sales techniques by attending a training program. When Tanner Shepard co-founded Austin, Texas-based Ranch Road Creative Solutions, a marketing services provider, in 2005, he was thrust into a sales role and gained confidence only after an intensive weekly sales course. "I had to challenge myself out of my comfort zone," he says. 

http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/220691