Just Me (By Gina DeNicola)

If you know me, you know I have major body image issues. I've never been confident with my body and never believed people when they would tell me I was pretty. I have never been comfortable with just me.

Almost every day my husband would tell me that I looked pretty or that I was beautiful, and I would always respond with "no I'm not." Then a few months ago I realized I hadn't heard those precious little words from my husband. So I had the conversation, and I asked him why he didn't tell me I was pretty anymore. His response was "you always say, 'No I'm not' so I figured I would stop saying it, even though I believe them to be the truest words I have ever spoken." That broke my heart, and I sat down on the bench behind me and started to cry. I cried because my perception of myself forced a man who would walk through fire for me, to not feel comfortable with calling me beautiful anymore.

I begged him not to stop, and I would answer differently next time. I thought to myself, how hard could that be, just respond differently? Not a day later I walked out of our bedroom dressed to go somewhere and there it was coming out of his mouth "you look beautiful". When the final word flew out of his mouth, I looked at him, seriously, and almost said: "no I don't." It would have been so easy to say "no I don't" after all those words were hitting the back of my teeth demanding to be let out. I swallowed hard and squeaked out a faint "thank you", so faint that if you weren't watching my lips move, you would be certain I hadn't said a thing. My sweet husband, knowing what a big step that was for me just opened his arms and swallowed me whole.

I have been trying to be kind to myself every day since then and thankfully my husband has not given up on me. I can now force out a thank you even if I only half the time believe it myself. I am slowly reprogramming those 40 years, and I have started to see myself as my husband sees me, as my children see me. Believe me, that is not to say I don't have my moments, come on, I'm human so of course I still have my moments, but then today happened.

Today was the first time that I looked at a picture of myself and I felt pretty, honestly pretty.

It is not a professional photo; it is just a picture I took by myself on my phone to show my sister my new haircut. When I got ready to send it, I couldn't stop looking at it, for the first time in my life I felt beautiful. I love the natural color of my hair. I have my reading glasses on and no makeup. That picture is 100% genuine me, and I loved it. I couldn't stop staring at it mostly because it is at an angle that I have in the past, despised and yet I was in love.

I was at a loss trying to understand why I loved it so much, and I sat and thought about it for a good hour. And then I came to the conclusion that the picture reflected a woman who was finally comfortable in her skin. A woman who is kind and good and it reflects on her face. A woman who comfortable with where she was in her life. A woman who is comfortable with herself like she has never been before.

Being gentle with myself has paid off. Having a gentle husband has paid off. The result is that picture, a picture of a woman who has fallen in love with herself. Please be gentle with yourself, you are beautiful, you are kind, and you are good.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Just-Me&id=9476972

Thank You (By Janet Zaretsky)

Very simple words. Two words. Sometimes they are said as a matter of routine, like when someone says "Bless you" when you sneeze or a waiter brings you a glass of water. It has been ingrained since childhood to thank, appreciate, others. And mostly, there is not a lot of emotion or care when saying something that has been ingrained, taught and done as a matter of routine.

Contrast that to the times when those two words were meant to convey your sincerest appreciation and acknowledgement for something someone did or said that truly contributed to you. At times, those two words cannot possibly capture all the expression of your appreciation.

When you are on the receiving end of a "thank you", do you pay attention? Do you allow the acknowledgement and appreciation to get to you? Do you allow yourself to experience the gratitude of another person and allow yourself to experience how great you are, for contributing to that person?

My experience is that mostly we, you and I, do not allow ourselves to appreciate who we are. We don't get how great we are. We don't allow the sincere acknowledgement of another to sink in, to wash over us and allow ourselves to truly get it. If we did, we would be moved to tears. We would stop saying things like, "it is no big deal" or "no problem". Or even an automatic but not truly felt, "you are welcome". We would allow ourselves to soak it in and say whatever there was to actually say when we allowed ourselves to get how extraordinary we really are.

I recently attended an event that was a thank you, an acknowledgement, of myself and several other people who had contributed to a friend in a very challenging time. We had fun. She had handwritten notes of appreciation and acknowledgement and we toasted her. I was moved to my core. I was so moved by the opportunity of contributing to her and the privilege it was that she allowed it. I was moved by who I am that I would do that. I was moved by the other people that were there in who they are, in contributing to her. It was such a demonstration of those two words; thank you.

I work with people all the time who thank me. I contribute for a living. In my entire career, first as a registered nurse for 21 years and then for the last 20 years as a business success coach, my thinking, my writing, my designing of programs and my coaching is all about contributing to someone else's success. People succeed wildly around me. They appreciate me. Rarely do I let it in, really. I decided, after this event, I am going to let myself really let in their thank yous. And I will do whatever I need to so that other people truly get my appreciation for them.

To you, who took the time to read this, thank you. It is with such joy that I get to write and contribute to you, your success and your quality of life.

Who can you thank today? Who can you allow to truly thank you?

http://ezinearticles.com/?Thank-You&id=9408194

Grateful Living Practice

          The naturalness and simplicity of this practice 
                           are great advantages.

    

Gratefulness is a practice.  It is so simple and so common – so universal, really – to be grateful that we think, “That can’t be a practice like Zen or Yoga.”  But when you look carefully and when you make it your practice, it can be really on the same level as these great traditional practices.  And in a sense, it is a traditional practice.  If you just think of your mother, of your grandmother – maybe you even knew your great-grandmother, as I was lucky to know two of them – they were grateful people, and they taught you gratefulness.  So it comes to you in a less formal setting, but it really is a traditional practice that comes to you. 

The naturalness and simplicity of this practice are great advantages.  If you think of all the pain that you have to go through when you pretzel yourself in hatha yoga, being grateful is a lot easier!   Every other practice takes so long, and gratefulness doesn’t take very long at all.  If you make up your mind – “Okay, from now on it will be my practice” – and you start right now, this very moment,you will be a lot more joyful.  You can check it and find that it does something for you quite immediately.

You will find that what is essential for gratefulness remains the same in Zen, Yoga, any Christian practice, or any other practice.  The essence of being grateful is accepting what is.  Obviously we are not just talking about saying “Thank you” – we are talking about that inner gesture, that inner attitude from which saying “thank you” springs when it is genuine. 

That, of course, implies being in the now.   “What is, is always now,” as T.S. Eliot says so beautifully in The Four Quartets.  “The all is always now.”  That seems obvious, but it is very important to remind ourselves that All Is Always Now.  If it isn’t now, it isnot.  It was or will be, but it is not.  Whatever is, is now.  So accepting what is means being in the now, and being in the now means dissolving the illusion of our little ego.  And that’s the goal of all practices!  When you’re in the now, this little “me” dissolves, because it feeds on past and future. 

The little “me”, if you look at it, is made up of your past:  of all the things that you have done or that you pride yourself in, or all these groups that you belong to.  If somebody asks “Who are you?”  you will describe yourself as being Austrian or American or Hungarian:   That’s something in the past, where you come from.  Or that you will say that you have such-and-such a name and that means you belong to such-and-such a family.  Or you will mention all the things that you have suffered!  That little “me” has suffered so much and prides itself on always having suffered more than anybody else.  If you can’t be better than anybody else, you can at least be much worse than everybody else!  That’s also something of the past.

Sometimes it is difficult to track this little “me” down.  It’s quite evasive, because we identify with it.  One way of tracking it down is catching it when it complains.  It has a habit of complaining.

So that is how the ego shows itself in reference to the past.  And then there is the future:  the things that you expect and pin your hopes on, things that you will still accomplish.  “I will still accomplish enlightenment!”  That’s something for the future.  Well, that’s not the way it works.  If it isn’t now, don’t expect it coming later.  But this now is just what this little self is so afraid of, because if you are in the now, it vanishes.  The ego has no foothold in the now. 

So those are the three essential aspects of being grateful.  The first one is obvious:  accepting what is now.  Accepting what is.  The second:  Any given thing must be in the now, because if it is, it is in the now.   The third:  If you are grateful in the now – and where else can you be grateful? – your little self dissolves.  And that’s the goal of all practices.  So if you start being grateful, that’s what you’re in for. 

http://www.gratefulness.org/readings/dsr_grateful_practice.htm