You Are Not Broken Nor Do You Need Fixing, Just More Self Love And Acceptance

Undergoing A Process Of Renewal

You are not broken and don't need fixing.

What you need is self-love and self-acceptance to heal your fractured parts, so they are made whole again.

What you're experiencing is an opportunity to grow which may appear as being broken. In fact, you're shedding your old self to make room for the real you to emerge.

You don't need more articles like this to convince you of your worthiness. Whilst they offer reassurance, they are only a guide because your true essence will emerge when you discard your former self.

Author and speaker Mike Dooley writes: "You do not need fixing or self-help so much as you need self-love and acceptance. When you show yourself unconditional love and compassion, old unhelpful patterns of thought and behaviour naturally begin to fade away."

The heartache, pain and disappointment you experienced served a purpose; to awaken you to your greatest self. Regrettably, many people perceive this as being broken, when it is life leaving the door ajar so as to light the way for your transformation.

"Everything in your life-especially your challenges-is tailor-made to help you see your stories of struggle. Whatever is in the way is the way!" writes Mary O'Malley in: What's in the Way Is the Way: A Practical Guide for Waking Up to Life.

You might think: why do I need to be transformed if I am not broken?

This is so you can experience the completeness of your being, which includes: awakening to your greater potential, giving and receiving love and discovering the essence of your true self.

You were never broken to begin with, but undergoing a process of renewal. Sometimes, it may look as though the pieces have fallen apart because you are yet to see the entire picture. It is akin to looking at the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, oblivious to how it will come together.

You have unrealised potential waiting to emerge. You need only take the next step and trust you are being guided to merge with your greater self.

Be Compassionate With Yourself

Don't be discouraged if life appears chaotic at times. This happens when you shift your attention to the fragmented parts instead of seeing how they will come together to form the whole.

You are comprised of light and dark, for each compliments the other in a sea of duality.

If you focus on the unintegrated parts, you are likely to perceive yourself as broken. Yet, when light and dark merge, they become one like the Yin Yang symbol, representing contrary forces that are complementary and interconnected.

Matt Kahn explains in Whatever Arises, Love That: A Love Revolution That Begins with You: "By loving what arises, you unearth the deepest understanding of the Universe in the most heart-centred way. As your heart opens, you are able to see how every circumstance and detail of life has been created only to help you grow on a spiritual level."

Similarly, it was the French philosopher Pierre Teilhard de Chardin who said: "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience."

You are likely to make mistakes, some of which you will regret. However, I invite you not to dwell upon your regrets but to be compassionate with yourself, so you continue to grow and evolve.

The human spirit seeks to evolve, otherwise you remain stuck and stagnant. This is what many experience around midlife when they lose their identity.

Some people spend a lifetime trying to fix themselves to become perfect to appeal to others. Yet, if they are not received in the manner they expect, they believe there's something wrong with them.

I liken it to scrubbing rust off metal hoping it will reveal the beautiful chrome finish beneath. However, in scrubbing you realise the rust is a natural part of the metal. By embracing it, you come to appreciate it as a unique feature instead of something to be polished away.

"Some of us can accept others right where they are a lot more easily than we can accept ourselves. We feel that compassion is reserved for someone else, and it never occurs to us to feel it for ourselves," states the Buddhist nun Pema Chodron in: When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times.

You are not broken but breaking through your shell to reveal your best self.

By accepting yourself as you are, you let go of the self-hatred and disempowering thoughts that obscure your true essence.

As a writer and speaker, I have noted the same themes come up in my writing and speaking over the past decade. That is: suffering results when you resist what is.

This idea is nothing new but something the Buddha touched on centuries ago. When we let go of resistance and accept the conditions of our life, what remains is peace and harmony.

Mary O'Malley says: "It is important to understand that you turn your pain into suffering when you resist it."

Struggle Precedes Pain And Suffering

Allow me to highlight this idea of releasing resistance through an example that occurred recently.

We experienced a terrible flu season in Australia this year, with many people falling ill, some requiring hospitalisation and sadly several people passed away. My family members and I succumbed to the flu, yet they took longer to recover because they resisted their symptoms.

I, on the other hand surrendered completely and remained in bed for three days without medication. I slept through the entire ordeal and allowed my body to sweat the fever. Within three days, I had regained my strength and was feeling considerably better.

I recall my naturopath saying at the time that illness helps the immune system practice its resistance to bacteria and virus. In doing so, it kills off weaker cells that atrophy and are purged from the body. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

The lesson here is: resistance leads to struggle.

Struggle always precedes pain and suffering.

To allow the energy of life to flow through you, let go of your resistance and accept the conditions of life.

You are not broken, so love yourself exactly as you are, allowing the next chapter of your life to unfold.

Psychotherapist David Richo outlines in The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them: "Our limits on self-acceptance are equal to the limits on our power to activate ourselves. The more we believe in our competence to reconstitute our broken state, the less we feel the fear that keeps us that way. Any event held in both hands combines reality with hope for renewal. That is what handling something means."

Every new encounter is a catalyst for growth. The past is there for a reason and should not be carried into the present moment, because it discolours your present moment experience.

Surrender and trust that life has a plan for you, akin to the natural flow of water which finds its own level. Eventually, your personal growth will guide you to a wonderful place if you follow the current upstream instead of resisting it.

The key is to have faith in the process because the universe will not desert you. Sometimes it may look that way when you're absorbed in pain and suffering. However, this is temporary and will eventually recede.

Allow life to heal your fragmented parts without dwelling on them more than you need to.

When the healing and transformation has occurred, you will have merged into the person that was there all along; your authentic self.

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Be Your BEST Self

It is said that the expression one wears on one's face is far more important than the clothes one wears on one's back. Being your best self is the best way to begin to own your life.

Here are 12 ways that will help you.

1. Have conversations with people you meet in everyday life. Be interested in them. People are far more interested in talking about themselves than they are in anything else. If you can get them talking about themselves they already like you and you can bet you met another friend.

2. Take time to tell people in your life how much you appreciate them. The #1 human need is to feel appreciated.

3. Get back to people right away. Even with texting. I know we all like to pretend that we have so much going on and were so busy. People will respect you more if you get back to them right away.

4. Be a good listener. Not only do we learn more by listening, people will be drawn to you more because it shows that you care.

5. Get up early and do your best to get your least favourite task done first. This will make the rest of your day a lot more fun.

6. Smile more. It is said that the expression one wears on ones face is far more important than the clothes one wears on ones back. People are drawn towards happy people.

7. Do something everyday that scares you. This includes things that you don't think that your capable of. When we challenge ourselves everyday we continue to grow and surprise ourselves. This will raise your self-confidence as well as your self-worth.

8. Try not to always be right. When we tell people they are wrong it's a confidence and arouses resentment. Even if you know your 100% right never say it. Always suggest another way of looking at things. this will avoid any type of argument and make the other person much more open to listening to you.

9. Right down the things that you are thankful for everyday in a journal. This will help keep you in a state of gratitude and the universe will give you more to be grateful for.

10. Find ways to help other people get what they want. Zig Ziglar said "we can have everything in life that we want if we will just help enough people get what they want." After hearing this I started to live my life this way. It's helped me build a very successful business of my own that's helped hundreds of people better their lives.

11. Don't make excuses and try your best not to complain. It's very easy to come up with excuses to justify why we won't do the things that we know we should. At the end of the day you can make money or you can make excuses but you can't make both.

12. Watch less t.v. and read more. If you read 10 pages a day you can read a 300 page book in a month. The best way to have a better life is by educating yourself. Knowledge is king. 

Were these helpful? There are others out there that could use this advice, feel free to share around and drop me a comment if you found this helpful!

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Create Your Best Self

Tell me if this scenario sounds familiar. One day, the morning after a party or in the evening after a few glasses of Champagne with your friends, you get this super motivated feeling. It hits you and you know that this time you're going to stick to your guns. This time, you are ready to hit the gym, eat healthy, stop drinking and put in the work to be that person... your ideal vision of you that you see when you close your eyes.

And you do, for a week or even a month. But slowly you lose your motivation and you're not as gung-ho about the ideal you. And then one evening you are pouring yourself a glass of wine and think, "why did I want to hit the gym and get healthy again"? There's that familiar feeling of guilt that you feel. You were so excited, so ready. What happened?

Life happened. Habits happened. You have a million and one things running through your head and meandering through your life: your friend is sick, your significant other pissed you off, your mom is in town.

Life will always happen. But that doesn't mean that your ideal vision of you can't ever exist. In fact, all the more reason that person should exist. You might be thinking Julia, I'm "X" years old, I've tried this over and over and it's not going to work. And I'm going to tell you that if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten.

You deserve to be your ideal vision of you, your Best Self. Stay motivated. Here's how.

What's Your WHY?

What's your Why? Think about your Why as your Personal Mission Statement. When you close your eyes and see your ideal self, your happiest self, what is that person doing? Who is that person? What about that person is so ideal to you? These are super personal questions. Your answers won't be the same as any other persons in the world. They won't be the same as your best friends, or your brothers, or your twins. Ask yourself what drives you to get out of bed in the morning. What motivates you to go out in to the world and be?

It's not often that we're asked to sit down and write out who our best self is. It feels a bit selfish. It's hard to put it in to words. It's as if we're embarrassed to admit that we want to BE something, something more than what we are today. I'm not saying that who you are today is not enough. But every person I've ever known has wanted to grow and be more and do more and learn more. I'm willing to bet you want that too.

Discover What Makes Your Ideal-Self Ideal

Try this exercise. Get a piece of paper and a pen. Remember when you were in 8th grade and your Literature teacher told you to just start to write? I remember writing my name abut 20 times before words actually did come pouring out of me. Start there. Write your name over and over. Drive home that this is about you. When you write your name, what do you want it to be associated with?

Write your name and then write 10-15 words that have personal value to you. If you have to write your name in between, that's fine. But find words that move you. Strength, balance, spirituality, wealth... whatever it is. Write it.

From that list, highlight 3-4 words that seem to jump out at you. Pick the 3 that resonate with you the loudest. Maybe they all revolve around one aspect of life. Maybe health is important to your ideal self, or relationships, or what kind of energy is around you. Maybe it's a mish-mash of a few different things.

Got it?

Now, take those highlighted words and create a statement about your best self, your ideal self. Navigate your thoughts away from HOW you will get there, but rather towards where THERE is.

It might help to think about what your ideal self would be without those 3 words. As soon as you pull them away, you'll recognize why they are so important.

Write It Down.

You've formulated your Why statement. Now, Write. It. Down. Not on Google Calendar, not in a notebook, not in Word. Write your statement, your WHY, on a piece of paper.

Put that piece of paper somewhere that you are guaranteed to see it twice a day (okay, you might need to write it down twice). Stick one to the tea kettle and stick one on the book you are reading that you keep on your night stand.

Focus on That Statement Twice a Day, Every Day.

Focus is the absolute key word here. Every day, read your Why statement once in the morning when you make tea, and once in the evening when you read your book. But don't just read it and pass over it. FOCUS on it. Take ten seconds to reaffirm what it means to you. Ten seconds. That's about as long as it takes to fill the tea kettle. It takes very, very little time to do. But the consequences are enormous.

When you read your Why statement in the morning, you are starting your day by filling your head with a vision of your best-self. Your brain hasn't yet been bombarded by everything that it will be presented with throughout the day. It's fresh. By reading your affirmation first thing in the morning, you are setting the tone of your day. Think about Christmas morning. Think about how the morning, the joy of it, infuses warmth and happiness through out the rest of the day. The tone is set. You have the power to do that every day.

When you go to sleep at night, does your mind race with a thousand thoughts? What if you could realign your thoughts so that they raced around your Why statement? What if the most meaningful thing, your Why, was the thing you fell asleep to, the last thought before you start dreaming?

You are putting your Why at the very forefront of your mind. That's the place where the Why starts to take over.

Live As If You Are Your Best Self, And You Make That Reality.

You create your own reality.

That's a big thought, but let me give you an example. Jane, a busy woman with a life-long love of fast food, wants to be a healthy eater. The 3 words/phrases that she highlighted as most meaningful were long-life, feeling alive, and confidence. Jane knows that to be a person with confidence, who feels alive and who can look forward to a long-life, she must be healthy. So Jane cuts out fast-food, she starts to walk 30 minutes a day, and she eats fresh food through out the day for energy. Jane is now a healthy eater. Jane created her own reality.

The moment that you choose to live the life that your Best Self will lead, you are your Best Self.

This is a learning process. Ah, life. Your Why statement might not be perfect the first time around. Your Why statement will morph as you accomplish the things that you want to accomplish. As I mentioned before, every person I've ever known wants to grow, wants to be more. That doesn't change even if you've created your Best Self reality. There is always more. There is always drive.

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3 Healthy Habits to Build a Better You

It takes about 4-5 weeks of repetitive action for most things to become a habit. That means that if you put conscious effort in to forming 3 fitness habits every 4-5 weeks, by the end of the year you'll have 30-40 new healthy habits. That's A LOT of healthy habits banked towards becoming your best self!

I'm not talking all encompassing, change-the-world-in-one-day healthy habits. I'm talking small, super doable habits that won't take too much out of your day. By themselves they seem small. But together, they amount to a whole new, beautiful and healthy you.

Healthy Habit 1: Go for a 20 minute walk after I have my morning coffee but before I have breakfast.

Why this habit? Starting your day off with light exercise gets your blood flowing, boosts your heart rate and helps to put a healthy spin on the rest of your day.

How many times do you come home at the end of the day thinking "holy crap, finally I get a moment to myself"? It's good to give yourself a few minutes in the morning to clear your head and enjoy some quiet time that revolves around you. You have work, responsibilities, a daily routine that requires attention and energy. Take 20 minutes to get outside, breath in the fresh air and move your muscles. It's only 20 minutes, but it's YOUR 20 minutes.

Why sandwich it between by coffee and breakfast? Schedule your walk for after your cup of coffee (or while you sip your cup of coffee), but before breakfast.

Your coffee is your cue to take a walk. It's something you do every morning because you enjoy it, not because you have to. So link your new habit to one that you already have and that you take pleasure in. Post a note on the coffee pot to remind yourself.

Your breakfast is your pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. You eat breakfast every morning, and you enjoy it. Use it as the end point of your healthy morning ritual.

Before you know it, your walk will become linked to the same feeling of enjoyment that you get from your coffee and your breakfast. Before long, it will feel weird to eat breakfast without taking a walk first.

Healthy Habit 2: Drink an 8-oz glasses of water when I wake up, before each meal/snack, and before I go to bed.

Why this habit? Water makes the world go 'round. The natural world and the world that is your body. Did you know that with just a 2% loss in water, you lose focus, you feel tired, you are more prone to headaches and have decreased mental performance? Staying hydrated keeps you focused, keeps you healthy, keeps you fuller longer and helps dietary nutrients get to where they need to be.

Why drink at these times? You've heard that you should drink at least 64 ounces of water a day, but somehow that seems intimidating. Less intimidating is one 8 ounce glass of water multiple times per day.

Link drinking water to things you already do. You sleep, you eat. When you wake up, that is a cue to drink water. When you sit to eat, the food in front of you is your cue to drink water. Before you settle in for the night, getting ready for bed is your cue to drink water.

Let's say you eat 3 meals and 2 snacks a day. If you have a glass of water at each meal, plus water when you wake up and go to sleep... that leaves you with only 1 more glass of water to get in through out the day.

Healthy Habit 3: Fill half your plate with fruits and veggies first.

Why this habit? The daily recommendation of fruits and vegetables is 10 servings. 10 servings! Be honest with yourself, do you eat any where NEAR 10 servings? Fruits and vegetables give us an array of vitamins, minerals, antioxidants and phytonutrients that are essential to a healthy body. They make our immune system happy, our digestive system happy, our brains happy, our muscles happy. And we don't eat enough of them. Beyond the nutrients they provide, fruits and veggies are less calorie-packed than most other foods. So you'll be saving yourself some extra calories.

Why first? You eat. It's a habit you've been perfecting since you were born. It's essential to survival.

Now, the moment you pick up a plate to fill it with food, fill half of your plate with vegetables and fruits FIRST. Do this before you put anything else on your plate. Picking up your plate is your cue.

Focus on veggies primarily, but don't skimp on fruit either. Filling your plate with produce first is easy to remember and eventually it will seem awkward to put anything else on the plate before your greens.

Picking up these healthy habits are simple. They don't require you to flip your life upside down, they don't require you to spend hours at the gym. These habits are designed to let you SUCCEED.

Once you've mastered them, (aka once you don't have to think about filling your plate with veggies or drinking water before you sleep), think about a few more healthy habits that you want to fit in to your day. Think about how much of a difference you can make in just a few weeks.

http://ezinearticles.com/?3-Healthy-Habits-to-Build-a-Better-You&id=9415020

Dealing with Difficult Times in Life

              

1. Set Small, Simple Daily Goals.
When times are difficult, it’s easy to feel we’ve lost all personal power. So, a simple way to insert agency and progress in our lives is to set three small goals every day and work to achieve them. These can be as simple as taking a shower, going for a walk, or calling a friend. It’s not about taking over the world, it’s about directing just a tiny bit of our day until we can find our footing again.

2. Keep Perspective.
Draw some strength from the truth that there have been positive, good, happy times in life and that those moments and memories can return and are with you. And remember that part of keeping perspective is realizing you are not on an island alone - there are people out there who can help you through this. Finally, remember, you are the miracle - the fact that you can choose your attention and breath and choices each day is a profound blessing. Not all is lost or negative - there is always hope and you can make new choices. 

3. Ask, “What should I be learning here?”
When times are tough, we often feel that we can’t understand or handle things, that we lack competence or capability. So, to shore up those feelings, be strategic and ask, “What could I learn here?” or “What could I learn now to better handle this stage of my life?” Develop a learning curriculum for yourself and start studying things that can help or advance your life.

4. Be Your Best Self Despite the Difficulties.
When I had a brain injury, I couldn’t control my emotions and actions for a while. I felt out of control. All I could do is set the intention to be my best. I forced myself to ask, “How would my best self interact with this situation? How would I view this, go through this, support others, and grow despite it all?” Sometimes, a simple and positive intention can expand our consciousness and connection with life (and ourselves).

5. Keep Gratitude Alive. This is the time to get grateful for the choices and blessings you do have, for the people you have supporting you, for who you are and who you can become. The surest route from suffering begins at the path of gratitude.

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