Forgiveness - What? How? And Most Of All - Why?

Forgiveness - What? How? And Most Of All - Why?

Holidays are a tough time for many people because most of us have family issues. People are depressed either because they don't have a family, or they're depressed because they do and it's a mess. That makes the holidays an opportune time to talk about the subject of Forgiveness - what it is, how to go about doing it and most of all why.

What Is Forgiveness?

Hurt and anger are natural and normal responses when a wrong has been done to us. In fact, it is healthier to acknowledge that we were hurt than to pretend that everything is fine. It's not about whining, it's about honesty. Denial will turn into resentments that fester in dark places. We cannot heal until we are honest with ourselves.

But there is such a thing as 'too much honesty'; once we have felt our anger, perhaps stewed and grieved for a time we need to let it go or it will turn against us. Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. We're the only ones getting hurt. It becomes a necessity to take our foot off the neck of the offender.

We cannot wait until the injury is healed. It is not like taking off a bandage after the wound has healed. In this case the wound cannot really heal unless the bandage comes off first. Forgiveness is not something we do for the offender; it is necessary to do it for ourselves in order to heal.

How To Forgive

So everyone tells us to do it but nobody tells us how. The reason there aren't any instructions for forgiveness is because it is not really a thing in itself.

Forgiveness is not a process one can follow step by step; rather it is an awareness we gain. As long as we are caught up in tunnel vision all we can see is the injury and the wrong that has been done. In order for Forgiveness to occur we must step back and see the bigger picture. In order to see the big picture we must turn to Truth.

The Blame Game

It seems that almost everyone has taken a certain amount of damage from his or her childhood. It seems that way but that's not really true. Truth is that we did not enter this incarnation with a blank slate. We already had a certain energetic frequency level; the same level at which we left the last lifetime. We picked our parents accordingly, based on a frequency that matched our own; otherwise we could not have attracted them.

Our parents were people who consciously or unconsciously made themselves available to bring us into this physical world. They lent us their DNA out of which our bodies were formed. Without them we could not be here. Regardless of their level of parenting skills we owe them a karmic debt of gratitude for this.

The Iceberg Principles teach us that in this Universe our life experiences are reflections of our own beliefs and perceptions. Although our family's criticisms, lack of support, and abuse were real it could not have happened unless there was a match to our own beliefs and perceptions about what we deserved. The level of esteem at which we held ourselves became reflected in our parent's treatment of us. Since most of labored under the belief that we are much less than perfect, our childhood experiences reflected this.

What this means for us today is that we can stop playing the blame game. We can stop assigning culpability for our experiences to our parents. If they had given us anything different we would not have been able to perceive it. It would not have been a match to us. We can stop meting out punishment; our parent's behavior was simply a reflection of our highest level of awareness for us at the time. Their treatment of us was the best we could imagine for ourselves then.

The Best We Can Do

We do not come from our parents; we come through them. We share their physical DNA and we share a similar energetic frequency. This is the reason we appear so similarities to them. Bear in mind that the thing you most hate about your parents must also be in you, otherwise you could not see it.

My point is that you parents are people just like you. Just like you they did not come with a manual on how to act. Just like you they made mistakes. Just like you they can only ever do the best they can.

In some instances it might have appeared as if they were being intentionally mean. This might be true, however their actions were nevertheless rooted in ignorance. Nobody can hurt anybody else without first and finally hurting himself or herself first. If they had knows what they were doing to themselves, on an energetic, karmic level, they would not have done so. As it stood they were operating at their highest level of awareness. They may have fallen far short of proper conduct but it is still they best of which they are capable. Nobody can know more than they know.

Breaking The Cycle

Nobody can jump over his or her own shadow. The only way to break the cycle of hurt is to give them a break. Sometimes the very thought of giving a break to someone who has hurt us deeply is offensive but it is the only way to stop the pain that we are feeling.

The key to finding forgiveness is the recognition that everyone is always operating at his or her highest level of awareness. The moment we give somebody else a break we give ourselves a break, too. The moment we let them off the hook we can feel something inside of us let go. Our feeling for the other person may be less than loving but if we continue to hold them in condemnation we are the ones who continue to get hurt. As long as we hold on to our 'righteous anger' it is ourselves we hold imprisoned.

The Huge Pay-Off

Our family members reflect all of us. They reflect our worst in us but they also reflect our very best. As long as we remain focused on the bad we never get to the good. What we focus on always looms largest. As long as we remain focused on our family's mistakes we miss the good parts in them, and therefore we miss the good parts in ourselves as well.

Nobody's childhood was all-bad. No matter how horrible things might have been, there were happy moments that should be treasured but these moments remain locked away from memory as long as we only focus on the bad stuff. Unless we choose to end the cycle we can never experience the good again. Now however it is no longer on the offender; now it is us who is keeping the offense alive. We become the guilty party.

When we forgive the beautiful moments come back to us. This focus in the good is ultimately this is the only way in which we can finally; permanently heal the wounds of our childhood.

The True Spirit Of The Holidays

As you stop the cycle of anger towards your family - whether alive or dead - you break your own karmic cycle of ignorance and clear away the karmic misconceptions, which created the circumstances of your birth. You clean the slate. Your energetic frequency increases and you become ever more aware of your true nature, which is love.

As you become more loving it not only reflects in your own experience but also in the world around you. When you give yourself permission to forgive you literally make the world a better place and isn't that after all what the holidays are really all about?

https://ezinearticles.com/?Forgiveness---What?-How?-And-Most-Of-All---Why?&id=8159760

How To Deal With Resentments

Some people can spend hours dwelling on the wrongs done to them; the injustices, the slights, the snubs, and the accusations or from just bad treatment. They can think of a particular instance and up comes the same feeling the original event, and they get angry all over again. To resent something or someone is once again feeling the fear, the anger, the hurt, the humiliation and the pain of the original experience - real or imagined.

When resentments are held onto and not healed, they go on to form harmful beliefs and patterns of behaviour, where blaming and judgement now justify those behaviours. Sadly, this then inhibits any emotional trauma resulting from the original event having an avenue through which it can be released. The effect of holding onto the emotional trauma as well as the resentment, creates further pain and dysfunction in the physical body, so our health is also affected.

Resentment stifles internal growth.

Resentment stifles inner growth, which in turn adversely affects our personal outer world and how we reflect upon the world at large. When resentment takes hold it drags us down. The heavy load packed full of blame and judgement keeps us bounded in fear; the fear of letting go. The idea of no longer being supported by the thoughts and energy that we are right to be judgemental further increases our need to hold on to the resentment. The idea of dismantling the scaffolding that has held us up, kept us strong, and others at bay, and keeping our heart firmly closed is not an option when resentment rules our thoughts and our feelings. Resentment eats away at self-esteem and peace of mind. Our internal health crumbles away where feelings of hope are swallowed up by bitterness and blame.

Of course, we can't always have control over what happened to us, especially if we were children, but as adults we do have choice. And it's when we exercise that special gift we can free our selves from the most strangling of thoughts and behaviours. The greatest gift that choice offers each one of us, is that we can take ownership of our feelings and behaviours and so determine the outcome of our life and the path that we tread. A life filled with resentments binds us tight and cripples any chance of creating a life that is happy and joyful where we can express our true self that is loving, kind and compassionate. The light that emanates from our true nature shines a path that is blessed, rewarding and incredibly fulfilling.

Any time resentment takes up emotional space, it indicates there's an issue that has not yet been resolved. So take a look inside, see where it is coming from and more importantly why. Take time to explore, as sometimes holding onto resentment is a way of avoiding pain. As you delve inside and unlock that door the pain too has a chance to heal. You also give your self the opportunity to relook at the event or situation that gave rise to the resentment in the first place, and where a clearer understanding can come into view.

How to deal with old resentments.

Write them down; talk about them, not in a blaming way, but with a willingness to see all aspects of the issue. Look also, for the wisdom being presented; the golden nugget of wisdom that will bring clarity, offering you the chance to determine of what can be let go of and what requires more work. You may begin to see where love and understanding can create a deep sense of wholeness and inner peace.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Deal-With-Resentments&id=9661461

The Simple Gesture That Can Change Your Life

At the start of 2014, I bumped into an old colleague friend of mine named Tasha. It had been two years since I'd seen her, but we had an illuminating conversation during our chance encounter.

As long as I had known her, Tasha was in a terrible marriage; her husband was a serial cheater who left evidence of his indiscretions everywhere, including on the family camera.

Tasha was an open wound: she told everyone within earshot how she had been wronged. In the context of her marriage and the family dynamic, she saw herself as a victim. Tasha and her husband had two children, who sadly had to bear witness to the constant stream of emotional abuse between their parents (as if the cheating alone wasn't bad enough).

But in 2014, two years had passed since I had last seen Tasha. She had lost 40 previously unwanted pounds. She was smiling, her skin was bright — she radiated happiness. For lack of a better word, she was glowing. So I asked her, "What changed?"

"Everything," she replied.

For the last two years, Tasha had made the decision to walk to and from work, every day. She walked over the Brooklyn Bridge to her job in lower Manhattan, which took about an hour each way. She walked on bright sunny days. She walked through snowstorms. She walked in torrential downpours. She put one foot in front of the other. Day in. Day out.

Her walks became her daily meditation. She cried. She burned in rage. She examined her own behavior. She noticed the beauty around her. But ultimately, she healed.

By the time of this chance encounter, Tasha was in the midst of divorcing her husband. (He was already engaged to one of the women with whom he had been having an affair.) Stunningly, Tasha bore no ill-will toward her husband or his new fiancée. In fact, she welcomed them as an important part of her children's lives.

But the most pivotal decision she made along her journey, the decision that completely transported her to this new, positive place, was to forgive. Taking space and time for her healing, Tasha found it in herself to forgive her husband and, in the process, forgive herself.

Although difficult, the process of forgiveness — of letting go (of hurt, anger, and blame) — allows us to live life with an open and joyful heart. When we radiate peace, we invite better relationships into our life.

In 2015, I challenge you to forgive ...

1. Believe that you have the capacity to let go.

Make a mental decision to remain open-hearted and loving. Work diligently toward compassion. Forsake bitterness, unkind words, retribution, and revenge. Part of forgiveness is getting over that first mental hump — the one that tells you that you still should hold onto anger. After all, to forgive is to show vulnerability on some level. But that vulnerability is empowering, and liberating.

2. Give yourself time and space to heal.

Forgiveness (and grief) has its own timeline. And this timeline differs from person to person.

So be willing to explore a slew of complicated emotions: anger, betrayal, loss, self-hate, and sadness. Let go of expectations and give your body and mind the space to process everything, so that you may heal.

3. Find a physical practice.

Bodies are meant to move. Pick an activity you enjoy and practice it as a regularly. Take notice of the physical, emotional and mental changes that occur from the ongoing effort. Moving your body can function as a kind of meditation, allowing you to have a deliberate time to take space from negative emotions and be in the present with yourself.

4. Meditate or pray.

Give yourself space to breath daily. Go inward. Get quiet. If you meditate and pray on forgiveness diligently, love, compassion and empathy grow in those very places where contempt, judgment and hurt previously had left your heart barren.

5. Let go of what was supposed to be. Embrace what is.

We all crave the picture-perfect lives we see on television. But, once we let go of "idyllic lives," we are free to live authentic lives. We are able to speak truthfully in a way that connects us to other people. We become spiritual leaders, not followers.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-16730/the-simple-gesture-that-can-change-your-life.html