Change Occurs Through Your Efforts

Our attitudes define who we are. They are subject to change by social influences, as well as by the individual's motivation to maintain cognitive consistency when two attitudes or attitude and behavior conflict.

Real change occurs from the bottom up. It occurs from person to person, and in small groups and locales and then bubbles up and aggregates to larger vectors of change. It happens when a person exerts an effort every single day of his life. If you want a change to happen in your life. Change your attitude.

We embrace change, yet something in our nature fiercely resists it. We structure social movements, political campaigns and business strategies around the need for change, yet we hardly understand how it works.

When it comes to a change in behavior based on consequences, such as an individual's hopes to gain rewards or avoid punishment from another group or person, it is called compliance. It doesn't mean that there is a change in beliefs or attitude but rather is influenced by the social outcomes of adopting a change in behavior.

The individual adopts the new attitude, not due to the specific content of the attitude object, but because it is associated with the desired relationship. Often, children's attitudes on race or their political party affiliations are adopted from their parents' attitudes and beliefs.

On the other hand, personality is not a perfect predictor of behavior. People tend to become more responsible and emotionally stable as they age. These changes generally unfold over many years and seem to reflect a natural developmental process.

There are things about yourself that you don't like. So you change them. It's more likely that you keep on doing them, even though you say you'd like to change them. you can't just snap your fingers and stop the well-established patterns of behavior, even when those patterns result in bad consequences.

Change is a process that begins with being aware of yourself. If you're used to blaming everyone else for your problems, then you're not aware of the consequence of your actions. If you're living your life in a daze, blaming bad luck, then you're in denial because you based your good fortune on fate. You can be fully aware of your bad habits and still not change because you lack the sense of commitment.

You need to have self-discipline, perseverance, and hard work. Know the reason for your change of behavior and what you want to be. Your actions need to adhere to your beliefs. You know it makes no sense claiming you want to change but then doing nothing about it. You are just disappointing yourself. You're fed up with feeling frustrated.

Adopting new ways rarely comes comfortably at first. You may feel a lot of resistance to change but when you realize that change is needed as an opportunity to grow, not as an unwanted burden, amazing things can happen.

Even small changes can reap meaningful benefits especially when it is in a positive direction, it will not only expand your confidence but also enrich your relationships, enhance your career, and empower your well-being.

People do change if not for the better then some change for the worst. If you modify your behavior, then that's changing for the better.

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Life's Three Critical Choices

You might think life has more than just three choices and you would be right, but the three I want to share are simply some of the biggest ones we will ever make. They are - change it, accept it or leave. Let me explain.

Whether it's a career position, a business, a client, a boss, a relationship or circumstances often we tolerate people or circumstances longer than we should or are even necessary. There are numerous reasons why we put up with these kinds of situations or people, but in the end the price we pay for staying too long can have a negative impact on our attitudes, self-esteem, life outlook and future opportunities.

Let's say you have a supervisor who invalidates you, doesn't respect you and is always criticizing you unnecessarily - got the picture? You have three choices when it comes to this person - change them, accept their behavior or leave.

Now I'm not suggesting that you throw in the towel quickly or easily but in the end is staying in this situation longer than necessary hoping they will change or improve or would your future and life be better served to just accept that they are who they are and you will just have to deal with them.

However, if you can't change them and you can't bring yourself to accept their behavior as it is wearing you down and having a negative impact on other areas of your life or relationships - well the only other option is to leave.

Personally I have put up with bad bosses on a few occasions in my life and just decided I would rather go broke working for myself than get wealthy working for someone else. Again I am by no means suggesting that you should do the same as I have done as each of us has our tolerance levels for other's poor behavior but when you are staying longer than you know you should for the wrong reasons - you know it in your heart.

How about a personal relationship? Let's say you have been dating or married to someone for several years and you just can't deal with their pessimism, intolerance, nagging - whatever - and it's starting to affect other relationships at work, with friends or even total strangers - so you have a choice - you can try and change them - good luck. But, if you can't and putting up with their issues is wearing you down emotionally, spiritually or even physically then your next option is to just accept who they are and how they behave knowing that they will not improve or change. But, if accepting them or it is beyond your level of values, tolerance, compassion or understanding all you have left - you got it - leave. Again, I'm not suggesting that as soon as someone behaves badly or upsets you that you should walk away from the table however you have to decide the consequences of staying too long or leaving.

I might add that the biggest times of stress in your life are when you can't change something or someone but you refuse to accept them or when you can't accept them and you won't leave.

So, there you have it - change it or them or accept it or them and if you can't do either your choice is deal with it without complaining and whining or leave.

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