Exploding Our Pre-Conceptions - Transforming Difference & Tensions Into Their Creative Potential

Our difference is our potential waiting to happen! But the way through has to be experienced first-hand for it to really affect the change we want.

Arnold Weinstein grew up as an identical twin, which affected his perception of his identity. Most people could not tell him apart from his twin brother which meant he started life with a "blurrier" sense of his edges. It gave him a fairly unique take on the world right from the start.

Unlike most of us, he did not grow up with a "normal", fixed sense of self because he was so physically similar to someone else - his twin brother. People confused him with his brother so in some ways they thought he was someone else. He has grown consequently with a conviction that the outward forms we see may not be what they seem. For him it became natural to swim between what most people see as something fixed (identity), because his way of looking and understanding had become unfixed from life's experiences. It was therefore full of possibility and diversity. Life was a fluid interchange of possibility.

He experienced first hand the wealth we can harvest in our lives and work from this place and he highlights how the artist in us knows and experiences this, often unnoticed every day. Our left brained and logical self is celebrated daily, in the outer world in the ways we organise and strategise, but how much space do we leave for our right brain, our creative eye, the eye that perceives so much further afield from that which we can see?

I am a twin, although not identical, so I can't claim such an intense early experience as Arnold W. But I am an artist born from two cultures, and I can also relate to living in, what I now call "the space in-between", or the water that runs between landmasses; a hugely creative place. Let me explain.

We were recently visually facilitating at the Summit on Diversity in India and collaborating with Being at Full Potential. Participants, (myself included when I wasn't drawing) literally stepped into this "space in-between" during exercises and experienced it first hand.

In my case I found myself telling a story from my past of when my Spanish mother-in-law and I found ourselves in a rather passionate interaction about how we view life. We had somehow found ourselves outside of our comfort zones and swimming in this "space in-between" each of us. Here we were trying to express how we perceive life (and perhaps discovering words for that at the same time) to someone who we discovered then, might as well have been from Mars. What I unearthed in that interplay, helped me understand where we were both coming from; it literally bridged the gap between us. I could only have done that by listening to her from an unfixed place within me; from a place where nothing is necessarily as it appears. This is a very malleable place where I was able to listen more and be in the shoes of another thereby making the connection.

That conversation broke through so many cultural and personal barriers. I now see that she sees life much as a photographic scene that is fixed and unmoving, and I see it a bit like those desert mirages forming and un-forming depending on where you stand. No cultural norms here, or racial or societal difference, or blame or finger-pointing, just a sharing of different understanding from human perception.

The point here is, that two very different people were able to come together in their difference and sit and look at it together, as if comparing and contrasting brush strokes and colour usage as inevitably as artists will do.

Experiencing "Diversity" first-hand as illustrated in the story above and at the Summit in India, was transformative. Without having a personal taste of difference by bringing it "home" which made it intrinsically impactful and meaningful to me, "Diversity" would have remained a meaningless word instead of having the power to bring us together like musicians tuning their instruments to create a beautiful, new melody.

Then we left the Summit, got on planes to different parts of the planet and took ourselves and our learnings back home. We have each stepped back into the same homes, and work and relationships on our returns, yet have we each noticed profound changes. I have noticed the differences firstly in myself and then in the responses from others. My personal relationships, some of them historically quite challenging, seem more malleable and less rigid, with more possibility for creating something different between us. That water that seems to run in the spaces between us is richer, gentler, and more colourful, with a sense of far more possibility. What I thought wasn't working in my relationships has suddenly opened up to connection and engagement. I feel now that we are starting anew.

This personal experiencing has shifted us and given us such deeply powerful insights on something we thought we understood - "diversity". It has changed each of us and directly affected the ways we interact with others.

We have dived deeper than a surface interpretation of the word "diversity" might suggest - multi-cultural get-togethers for example. We have discovered new approaches to old patterns in ourselves and in our relationships with others and with our work and professional encounters. Seemingly unworkable differences between us have transformed into invaluable and enriching encounters, and brought new understanding and responses to our apparent differences.

I believe this new take on Diversity can work for the benefit of organisations; this quality of "in-betweenness" can support what we so often experience as struggle and separation to the enormous benefit of us all, not to even mention the bottom line!

Might we all dare to look beyond what we think we are and the labels we give to what we see, and delve a little more deeply passed the visible and into what lies just below the surface - our creative potential - in order to bridge the gaps and transform our professional and personal lives? I think it's worth a try!

This new space is the creative eye in action that reaps an infinitely rich harvest for us all.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Exploding-Our-Pre-Conceptions---Transforming-Difference-and-Tensions-Into-Their-Creative-Potential&id=9350469

Message From the Universe: When Anger Shouldn't Be a Part of the Equation!

"Anger is a fabulous reminder that there are still a few things being misunderstood.

In all cases,

The Universe"

I guess the Universe is looking down on planet Earth and seeing all humans dealing with anger management issues. There are specialists working on a daily basis to treat their patients with these kind of problems. They even made a sit-com with Charlie Sheen about anger management therapy. WE all know that anger is based on emotions that get out of control, especially when that person may misunderstand the message that was delivered by the other party in question. WE all get angry at times, and it is perfectly normal. I must agree that ALL PARENTS out there share their feelings of anger when dealing with their kids. However, managing this anger is what can make a big difference in your life. Not letting your emotions take control of your behavior is what's crucial, especially when dealing with moment of stress and anxiety. When it comes to personal relationships, especially with your significant other, you would want to keep peace at all cost. If one of you deals with anger, go out and seek counseling. Anger can be destructive, not just for your significant other, but also to yourself and everyone else dealing with you. You must NOT allow these feelings of anger dictate who you are and work harder in controlling this beast from within to get out in the open. There is ONLY one chance to make the right impression, so if someone rubs you the wrong way, in-deliberately, they probably have no clue of their actions, but would you want to show your bad side to them the first time around? You need to keep things under control and make sure to act professionally. Signs of anger can be intimidating to some as they will refrain from working with you at all cost. If you feel anger exiting your subconscious mind, excuse yourself immediately, go out for a breath of fresh air, calm your nerves down, breath heavily, in and out, keeping the oxygen in for at least 5 seconds, and release with a 4 seconds tempo. Once you have done that a few thousands times (depending on your level of anger), you can go back into the room and deal with the issues accordingly.

The feeling of anger comes when your conscious mind feels suffocated by external factors that are out of your control. As a defense mechanism, you feel like you need to create more space around you, to allow yourself to breath. Claustrophobic feelings can also trigger anger bouts when people feel like they can' really breath and need space. It is a common behavioral approach when being in this state of panic. Anger is primarily based on misunderstanding the other person with the message they are trying to deliver to you. Now, is this misunderstanding based on the other person lacking capabilities of delivering the right message or you not understanding what they are talking about. It is always important to clearly repeat what they said, just to confirm what they are trying to convey. For example: "So, If I understand correctly what you said, you want me to do this or that or whatever". The other person might have to clarify some points of your reiteration and explain themselves better. Whatever which way it works for you, some few words may need to be repeated so you can understand the scope of their request. As mentioned, responding aggressively without taking the time to really understand might be construed as you being a very mean and angry person, which NO one likes to deal with that on a daily basis. Keeping calm and collected is the KEY to every business transactions. If you feel cheated, talk calmly and be clear about your next step from this point forward. Keeping calm is what will concern them the most. So take control of the situation and learn to work on yourself. This is the best thing you can do from this point on.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-When-Anger-Shouldnt-Be-a-Part-of-the-Equation!&id=9463643

Finding Your Attitude Indicator

In flight dynamics an important concept is taught called "Attitude Indicator." Also known by other names like Gyro Indicator, Attitude Director Indicator to name a few, this instrument is used to tell the pilot of the orientation of the aircraft with reference to the ground among other things. The pilot keeps a constant check on the Attitude Indicator during take-off, landing and throughout the flight. Obviously, I've over simplified the explanation and the science behind it. But my goal is to help you understand how there is an "Attitude Indicator" that we all have within us, which we all use or could use while we navigate through the journey of personal relationships, professional careers, and social lives.

Right from our childhood, our behavior with our friends, relatives, and everywhere we go is under constant scrutiny by our parents. Bad attitude is brought to our attention right away and we're told to correct it. Good attitude is (generally) rewarded with praise among other things.

By adolescence most of us are capable of distinguishing between good and bad attitude. In school and college we pay close attention to our attitude as well as the attitude of others. By now we know how to distinguish between people with good and bad attitude. We tend to be friends with the ones who fall in our good attitude classification and often stay away from the one's who we see to have a bad attitude. Later, we use our Attitude Indicator with most people in our professions, personal relationships, our friends and acquaintances.

So what is your Attitude Indicator? What does it look like? Obviously, it's not like a physical gauge with numbers and needles like the one used in flight dynamics. The indicator you carry within you is intangible. Your Attitude Indicator is the feelings you experience. A good attitude indicates the feeling of positivity. You experience this when you or someone you're in the presence of possesses good attitude. Whereas, a clear indicator of a bad attitude is the feeling of negativity.

Whether you choose to have a good or bad attitude in any domain of your life, it is not something that you decide based on the events that transpire in your life or the people that you're around. Your choice is independent of the external circumstances. Without a doubt, your attitude is your choice and not something governed by your environment.

You and I all use our Attitude Indicator to learn, monitor and even transform our attitude as well as understand the attitude of others. Watch this in-depth video about attitude from the author.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Finding-Your-Attitude-Indicator&id=9895030

What's the Most Attractive Quality a Person Can Have?

Self confidence is the most attractive quality a person can have. How can anyone see how breathtaking we are if we can't see it ourselves? Confidence is an asset that shines through personal relationships, even in the workplace. Everyone respects a person with confidence.

If we do not believe in ourselves, we cannot expect people to support us unconditionally. If we are secure as a person, we can move forward in life with ease. Instead of concerning ourselves with the opinions of others, we must live our life for ourselves. Do things that make us happy and that interest us. If an opportunity arises that we wish to explore, we don't need to think, we just dive right in because that is the only way we are going to learn how to strive and to succeed on our own.

If we are confident in our views and convictions, we can expect others to listen to what we have to say. If we don't believe what we are selling, no one else will either. People aren't fools and will know when we are just pretending. If we want people to listen to what we have to say, we must exude confidence and engage them in whatever it is we are trying to say.

Confident people tend to think on the positive side because they are secure in themselves and aren't easily thrown off track. They take what life throws at them as it comes and react accordingly. They do not allow these obstacles to distract them from the task at hand, rather they calmly and rationally manage whatever the situation is and move on with whatever it is they are doing. No matter how many times these people fall, they always find ways to get back in track. They are undefeatable because they are survivors.

There is no way to even trust someone's ability to lead if that person isn't confident in his or her own motives. Leaders must have confidence so that the people looking up to them feel secure, motivated and driven. If someone is attacking your character and you are a confident individual, their harsh words will not even leave a mark.

Having self-esteem and confidence protects you from critics because there are always negative individuals who appear jealous and try to bring you down. These people resort to insults because they believe that they are the quickest means to bring someone down. However, these people failed to realize that it means they lack confidence in their own lives and are trying to bring you down to their level. But you know better because, at the end of the day, it's not what others think about you, it's what you think about yourself.

Confidence creates an atmosphere that draws people in since there are many people who lack high self-esteems, so, they are fascinated by people who have high levels of confidence. They want to learn how these people live their lives.

Although, CONFIDENCE is sometimes hard to achieve but it is definitely WORTH it in the LONG RUN.

This is an article about the best trait that a person can have aside from material wealth. The most attractive attribute that someone must be proud of is her/his self-confidence.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Whats-the-Most-Attractive-Quality-a-Person-Can-Have?&id=9553135

Message From the Universe: Finding the Right Support

"Haven't you noticed?

The right people always find each other at the right time.

Relax,

The Universe"

This is definitely THE most accurate statement I have ever came across. That goes for everything in life. It is also true that you will come across the wrong people who might take advantage of you, abused you, cheated you and probably did unspeakable acts of selfishness. However, instead of lingering and feeling bad about these experiences, you need to look as to why all this happened. All this allowed you to open your eyes, be more conscious to what is going on around you and not be so naive. These bad people came into your life for you to appreciate the right one. The same goes for personal relationships. You will come across many people that you will decide to give it a chance in the romantic level. You spend days, weeks and months together to built a strong foundation. A few months down the line, you realize a lot of things about that person that you dislike a lot. You come to see that they lie often, untrustworthy, unreliable, probably even cheating on you at times. Let's say they do not cheat but abuse you emotionally, make you think that you are worthless and you can't do better than them. They ignore your effort to wanting to make this relationship work. You put in 95% and they barely put in 5%. You eventually end up feeling like all your effort aren't worthwhile and see a dead-end in your relationship.

You decide to take your life in your own hands and leave the relationship/marriage. You lose hope that there might be anyone out there that you pray to God NOT being like your previous relationship. You find that person. You look and appreciate their qualities. You see they are NOT like any other person you ever dated in your life. You appreciate them and they appreciate you. You see qualities in them that you think never existed in the opposite sex. You know that this person is the RIGHT one for you. You have that gut feeling that there is NO one like them. You know deep inside that you have found your soul mate. Patience is always required when it is matters of the heart so be thankful that you had to date distasteful people to finally have the opportunity to find the gem.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-Finding-the-Right-Support&id=9642876

Message From the Universe: Insecurity Is Not That Scary of a Word

"The need to clarify, explain, or justify oneself in personal relationships is always self-serving.

What's important is knowing the truth about why you felt the need, because it often points to insecurities that could be dealt with in more effective ways.

Hi-Ho! 

The Universe"

Every actions are sometimes followed by justifications. Anything you do in life, especially if the results rendered is not quite what you expected will require you to justify your actions to other parties involved as to why you chose this specific path. When working for employers, we sometimes hesitate to take action because of the later need to justify the reasons as to why we made these decisions. For many, it can be a burden so end up never taking any initiative at work when it comes to moving forward in their careers. Hence, the reasons why many are miserable at their jobs because of no opportunities are ever presented to them. Taking higher risk will render bigger rewards, so as long as none of your actions are malicious in nature, you will always learn and get better in what you do.

The same goes with personal relationships. We often feel the need to explain or justify our actions to our significant other in the fear of them feeling left out or insecure. However, mirroring the probable outcome as to how the other will react to our justification makes us feel insecure about the reasons why we acted a certain way. We do not feel insecure personally, we fear the insecurities of the other. We hesitate to act certain ways because we are not sure how the other will react, regardless of their level of security in the relationship. We are now accountable for our behaviors since we are committed to this relationship. Being single allows you NOT to care since you do not owe anything to anyone. You do what makes you happy and couldn't care less of anybody else. This is the reason why being in a long term relationship requires you to keep in mind that your decision making process might have positive or negative repercussion in both your lives. He or she is now a part of the equation. So how do you manage someone's insecurities? By understanding the root of what makes them feel this way, you can counter attack the problem by first making them feel like they are the center of your universe, make them feel loved, even though they might throw you some insecure remarks such as:" Why are you with me, I am fat and ugly", or "they are smarter people out there, why don't you go with them" or "I am short and you are tall" or whatever else comes out of their mouth. I have conducted many therapy sessions with couples and have heard it all. Despite all these remarks that can drive anyone crazy, you need to throw a lot of "Whatevers" to these remarks and counter attack with a lot of love you's and all that good stuff. Hopefully these insecurities are just temporary until they feel more confident in the relationship. You might need to play the offense-defense approach at the same time but as we all know, life is a game and it all depends on what side you are playing.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-Insecurity-Is-Not-That-Scary-of-a-Word&id=9599160

The Underrated Power of a Grateful Heart

Appreciating each other more, research shows, leads to, well, more appreciation.

We don't often enough reflect on the things we are grateful for. So perhaps it's time to focus some attention on the importance of gratitude—specifically, feelings of gratitude in our close, personal relationships.

We typically define gratitude as a positive emotional state we experience when someone else intentionally provides us with some benefit or positive outcome (McCullough, 2001, as cited in Algoe & Zhaoyang, 2015). This could happen when someone does us a favor, says something nice, or simply offers a random act of kindness. Gratitude is, generally put, the swell of warmth and positivity we feel toward that person.

Historically, researchers believe that the evolutionary function of gratitude—the reason it’s something we feel—to be about repayment. We feel gratitude so that, in the future, we will help the person who helped us, thus helping society at large to function smoothly (McCullough, 2001, as cited in Algoe & Zhaoyang, 2015).

However, recent research has determined that gratitude toward our close relationship partners serves the additional purpose of helping to strengthen those bonds (Algoe, 2012). Specifically, gratitude serves to help us notice and attend to the positive, responsive behaviors that our loved ones enact toward us. It could be a time when your romantic partner made dinner because he or she knew you were stressed, or when your sister called to see how you were doing, or a friend sent you a small gift...just because. Any behavior that we perceive as responsive to our needs, which a close other has enacted purposefully, can promote feelings of gratitude (e.g., Algoe, 2012; Algoe, Haidt, & Gable, 2008).

These feeling, in turn, promote the well-being of our relationships. For example, new sorority members (or "Little Sisters") who felt more gratitude toward older sorority mentors' ("Big Sisters") kind actions toward them during an event known as Big Sister Week (i.e., giving small gifts) felt more connected with those mentors both during the event and a month later (Algoe et al., 2008).

In romantic contexts, feelings of gratitude toward a partner predicted individuals feeling more connection and satisfaction in their relationship the next day (Algoe, Gable, & Maisel, 2010). So it seems that an attitude of gratitude (sorry, I couldn’t resist) not only feels good to us individually but may also benefit our relationships.

However, before we run off and start designing interventions to promote gratitude in relationships, we need to better understand how feeling grateful promotes relationship health. What is the mechanism by which this association functions? Further, we need to better understand if promoting gratitude is always associated with positive outcomes—the relationship may be more complex than we realize.

Specifically, a recent, month-long study randomly assigned romantic couples either to actively try to express gratitude for their partner’s actions every day for a month, or not. The researchers found that, in the gratitude group, participants whose partners had been highly responsive to their needs during an intake session showed greater personal and relational well-being at the end of the study, compared to those in the control group. However, participants whose partners had been low in responsiveness during the intake session did not show this benefit (Algoe & Zhaoyang, 2015). Thus, perhaps asking individuals to focus on reasons they are grateful for their partner only confers benefits when their partner is responsive—thus giving them reasons to be grateful.

In sum, as we all deal with our hectic lives, it may do us some good to reflect on those things for which we feel gratitude. If those aspects are also important people in our lives, this reflection may benefit our relationships—as long as those important people have been responsive enough to our needs to deserve our gratitude.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/me-you-us/201512/the-underrated-power-grateful-heart