The Stress Puzzle - Why Are We Stressed?

Why is modern society defined by ever rising levels of stress?

Back in the sixties and seventies, people dreamt of a time when they could kick back and relax more because modern technology was finally there to help with tiresome tasks like cleaning the house. People dreamed of wonderful inventions that made life easier and essentially, happier.

Fast forward to the era of the eBay, iPhones and TV sets that could connect to the Internet in a heartbeat.

The present generation has experienced more advanced technology than all of the previous decades combined. Thanks to globalized trade and endless technological innovations, we can now enjoy the Internet 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Any ordinary laptop or PC that was assembled around the year 2012 would be at least 1,000,000 times more efficient at calculations than the computer that launched the Apollo rocket to the moon.

We are literally living the dream.

So the big question now is: why are we still stressed? Or more importantly: why are we even more stressed than our predecessors?

Sociologists, psychologists and even modern day economists have all tried to determine at which juncture our era has become completely and almost inextricably associated with stress.

The studies that tackle the "stress puzzle" are complex in their entirety. However, I have taken the liberty of summarizing the most important findings for everyone's benefit.

The Roots of Stress

Less Leisure Time - Many people often associate stress with having to deal with childcare and taking care of the household.

However, if we were to compare the amount of time that people spend taking care of their homes and families now, with the amount of time spent doing the same things back in the 1910's, we would arrive at the same average number of hours per week: 52 hours.

The reason for this is that we are now spending more time on additional activities such as grocery shopping and people don't usually find these activities leisurely.

So even if we have plenty of modern appliances to lessen the time needed to complete different tasks, the time that we could spend for leisure is now being consumed by additional, unavoidable activities and chores.

Stressors Abound - In an ideal world, a person who continually feels stressed at work would be able to unwind and de-stress when he/she comes home.

I'm sure there are some people who have managed to accomplish this feat and I am also certain that they are extremely happy that they "cracked the code."

However, for 60% of adult Americans, the scenario isn't as bright and stress free. The present reality is that more than 50% of all adults in America experience the same level of stress at home and at work. That means that an ordinary working adult no longer experiences a reprieve from stress because both environments are deemed stressful.

Harmful Societal Standards - It is no secret that modern society is still ruled by double standards, especially in the workplace.

Despite significant breakthroughs in the field of gender equality, many people still subscribe to the idea that a woman who is too independent and forward-thinking is undesirable.

On the flipside, a man who doesn't show the same set of skills is also considered a failure in terms of his professional character.

These double standards are actually toxic in the workplace because it encourages aggressive competition in males but fails to reward females who show drive and initiative. This can make the workplace an extremely frustrating and stressful place for both males and females.

Chronic Overwork - More than 25% of all adult working Americans complain of not having enough time in a day to finish everything they have to do. 

To compensate for the scarcity of time, many adults resort to overworking, which usually leads to a "burnout" phase. It can be difficult to recover from burnout if nothing is actively done to reduce a person's stress levels at home and at work.

Fragmentation - The present divorce rate in the United States is a staggering 50%. This means that a significant percentage of the entire American population is comprised of single-parent families with only one main earner.

This reality is forcing many single parents (mostly females) to work twice or thrice as hard, just to keep up with the daily expenses of their families.

Obviously this situation is extremely stressful because leisure time is almost nonexistent and all other free time from work is diverted to taking care of the children and household.

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Stress-Puzzle---Why-Are-We-Stressed?&id=9363954

3 Common but Toxic Beliefs (and Their Antidotes)

There's something better than perfection.

It’s amazing how many smart, forward-thinking people subscribe to ideas and worldviews that subvert their happiness—and the well-being of their friends and families. If you cling to any of the following ideas, you might be surprised to know they may secretly be major obstacles in the path of your happiness:

1. "It’s healthy to blow off steam.”

Just as suppressing feelings is unhealthy, so is expressing them with excessive aggression or hostility. In fact, because of simple reinforcement contingencies, screaming, yelling, pounding pillows, or slamming things only intensifies anger in the long run. The antidote for this toxic belief is understanding that “blowing off steam” is self-defeating, can damage relationships, and usually leads to more eruptive anger. (It’s a vicious circle.) Alternately, expressing anger assertively is healthy and usually leads to win-win outcomes in relationships. 

2. "Total honesty is always the best policy."

The fault in this idea is the “total,” not the “honesty.” Of course honesty is a virtue that can cement trust in relationships. Yet like anything, it can go too far. Few relationships can tolerate a degree of sharing in which one partner (or both) expresses every truth and withholds virtually nothing. What’s more, blunt honesty that hurts people needlessly is certainly not virtuous. Most relationships benefit from displays of tact and diplomacy that require some things to remain unsaid and some truths to be downplayed. While in some cases telling the blunt or naked truth might be appropriate, in most cases it will have a corrosive effect on relationships.

For example, imagine you’re visiting a terminally ill friend who looks like hell, and he or she remarks “I look awful, don’t I?" Is stating the unvarnished truth necessary, or is understating his or her haggard appearance a better choice?

Obviously, the antidote for this toxic belief is not indiscriminate dishonesty. Rather, it’s understanding that it's not total honesty that is the best policy—it's love and kindness.  

3. "Perfection should be your goal."

Few things—and no people—are perfect. Expecting perfection—measuring yourself against an impossible standard—usually results in a downward spiral of negative thinking, self-criticism, resentment, and emotional distress. This, in turn, can foster a "why bother" attitude and massive procrastination—or, worse, obsessive-compulsive behavior. (I am not stating that perfectionism causes OCD, per se—but, interestingly, most people with OCD do score very high on measures of perfectionism.) Other perils of perfectionism include unhealthy competition, severe stress, burnout, and unethical behavior—cheating on exams, taking credit for others' work, falsely claiming job qualifications, etc.

The antidote to perfectionism is to first acknowledge and accept your human imperfections, fallibility, and limitations. Then "lower the bar" of your expectations, for yourself and all others in your life who are also imperfect human beings. Finally, strive to be competent, gradually improve your performance, and then aim for excellence. Free from the pressure to be perfect, you'll likely enjoy your work more, and the result will be good and maybe even excellent. The bottom line: Strive for excellence (which is attainable), not perfection (which is impossible).

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/think-well/201602/3-common-toxic-beliefs-and-their-antidotes