Success: What Do You Have To Sacrifice In Order To Get It? (By Dr. Noelle Nelson)

Recently I came across the Dalai Lama's "18 Rules of Living," which he shared with the world at the beginning of the new millennium. Here, 18 years later, it seemed relevant to revisit them.

In particular, I was struck by his rule: "Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it." At first I thought, "What?" As women, for example, many of us had been told umpteen times that we couldn't have both a thriving family life and a successful career. Fortunately, that has been changing (although I still wonder why men were exempt from that contradiction!). Surely the Dalai Lama, that fount of compassion and love, didn't mean that we should judge our professional/job success by the family life we short-changed? Or vice-versa. Or that we should judge our success in either domain by the abuse, negativity or other unpleasantness that we stoically put up with in order to make it all happen?

That just didn't square with what I know of the Dalai Lama's philosophy. So I meditated on his rule, let it float around in my consciousness, until it hit me. I know exactly what I had to give up in order to succeed! My belief in impossibility, my doubting of my own talents, my fear of failing.

I remember vividly the first time an attorney asked me some 30-odd years ago, in my capacity as a trial consultant, if I could conduct a focus group for him. I'd only been a trial consultant for a couple of years, my experience was primarily with preparing witnesses for trial, and I'd never even heard of a focus group. But I needed to put bread on the table and keep a roof over my head, so I vaulted right past my insecurity and fear and said, "Sure!" I promptly scurried around gathering as much information about this mysterious thing called a "focus group" as possible, which was a very different challenge back then given the non-existence of the Internet. It worked. Conducting focus groups became one of the cornerstones of my trial consulting career.

And then of course, there's when I went back to ballet at 65. I looked with longing and envy at the younger students practicing their splits on the floor thinking, "I could never do that." I had to give up my "It's impossible" and "Never gonna happen" to even get down on the floor and try. Now, I can finally do the splits with my right leg forward, almost there with the left. Give me a little more time and I'll have both down!

What do you have to give up in order to succeed? What fear, insecurity, impossibility ruins your chances of the dream you so desire? Not enough time, not enough money, not enough talent, not enough resources, not enough support, not enough whatever! It's those beliefs in limitation that we must give up in order to succeed.

There are endless examples online of people who've had to give up those beliefs to achieve their dreams. To take just one, Jake Olson, a blind football player, with two years of high school football and two years of college football behind him. He snapped the ball last fall for the final extra point that gave the USC Trojans their 49-31 home victory over Western Michigan. Imagine the limiting beliefs Jake must have "sacrificed" in order to snap that ball. A blind football player? Come on! And as his coach said, his wasn't a "charity case," but that Jake was the player best suited to make that play.

Time for you to make your play. Give up whatever limiting beliefs you find that stand in your way, and enjoy your new-found success.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Success:-What-Do-You-Have-To-Sacrifice-In-Order-To-Get-It?&id=9896248

The Mentality of a Successful Career

Success is all in your head. If you want to control your ability to have a lucrative, fulfilling career, it’s imperative to control the way you think.

Those who can’t control their emotions and inner monologue never reach their full potential.

The long-term solution to sub-par success, lack, and limitation lies in our ability to turn our inner potential to reality. Among other things, this means not allowing outer circumstances to control our emotions. It means understanding that no amount of money or physical objects creates happiness or cultivates success.

Rather, our recruitment experts have seen that a better career begins with self-improvement; self-improvement starts with a healthy thought process that promotes creativity and spurs action.

Below, you’ll find three strategies to cultivate a mentality conducive to you achieving your goals, thus allowing you to cultivate a career based on leveraging the skills you possess and learning the ones you don’t.

1. Our mental conditions make us who we are.

The more time you waste worrying, fretting and complaining, the worse off you will be.

Just the minute you are aware of thinking a negative thought, immediately change it to a positive. If you start to think of failure, change that thinking to success.

Often, people fail to live up to their potential because their failures are met with despair and they expect their rewards to come to them instead of actively pursuing those goals.

2. Focus on cultivating the right habits.

Nobody but yourself is responsible for your habits. Throughout our career, you’ll develop both productive and destructive practices.

The problem with destructive habits is that they are easy to form yet are hard to live with. Understand that as we become older, habits become more ingrained with whom we are as individuals and, thus more difficult to overcome.

But regardless of our age, our methods and approaches can be altered. In order to overcome undesirable habits, it’s imperative to step back and analyze all of your actions from a neutral perspective.

Determine which ones are preventing you from achieving your goals. After you define those goals, try to understand why you do them.

Finally, make a commitment to overcome these efforts. Every time you don’t give into the temptation to repeat a destructive habit, you strengthen your resolve.

3. If you want to cultivate a mentality of success, it’s important to gain a basic understanding of who you are.

Our self-image, which is the picture of ourselves that we hold in our minds, becomes the key to our lives.

However, many times our beliefs and the way in which we see ourselves are entirely false. Our egos will often trick us into thinking and, thus acting in a way that is not in our best interest.

For instance, if our thought patterns say, “I cannot achieve getting the promotion I want,” we subconsciously create conditions that correspond to these ideas.

We begin to stop negative thought and behavioral patterns when we begin to accept and learn from the past rather than use it as a basis to negatively judge ourselves. The past should serve as a source of learning not self-judgement.

In the End

No one limits us but ourselves. In order to become a success, it’s imperative to avoid becoming the victim of negative ideas. Strive more to please yourself and worry less about pleasing others.

By assuming our own identity, we are bound to make others angry or jealous, but most importantly we make ourselves happier and set up the circumstances conducive to a successful career.

http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/240222

Why Narcissists, Manipulators & Psychopaths Get Power

               
Do you work with someone who is toxic, but who nevertheless seems to rise through the ranks faster than everyone else? To the point that you doubt that the world is a fair place that rewards good instead of bad?

Is this person:

• Narcissistic: charming, and would do just about anything to look good in order advance themselves?
• Manipulative: skilled at getting people to do what they want, sometimes by lying or forming alliances?
• Anti-social: lacking empathy for others or remorse for their actions?

If so, you're not alone. In a recent report in the Journal of Organizational Behavior, researchers found that people who have the “Dark Triad” of personality traits — narcissism, manipulation, and psychopathy — may advance their careers more quickly than those who do not.

If you think about it, this makes a lot of sense. Someone who is narcissistic believes that they are great, and will put their own needs and desires above all else. Someone who is manipulative knows how to get what they want. And someone who is a psychopath isn’t weighed down by regret or consideration of others.

So, at first blush, it would make sense that people with the Dark Triad could relentlessly climb up the corporate ladder.

The good news is that the same traits that got these people to the top may be their very undoing. At some point, Dark Triad leaders need to build strong relationships in order to get things done, and they simply cannot.

For example, I coached a Dark Triad CEO who started his company based on a great idea and good connections. However, now that the company is up and running, his employees fear him and feel demoralized. He can’t retain top talent, and his company is faltering.

The fact that a Dark Triad leader is eventually headed for demise is likely a small consolation, however, if you currently work with one of these people on a daily basis.

Aside from working with HR to get the person removed, which may not always be possible, here are some ways you can deal with Dark Triad leaders so that their toxicity impacts you as minimally as possible.

1. Stay true to your values.

At some point, your Dark Triad coworker might try to convince you to ally with them. They might be charming, flattering, and know all of the best ways to convince you. Before working with them, take a moment to remind yourself of what you stand for. What do you value? How do you want to be "known" in the workplace? Does this new proposition align with that? If it doesn’t, then stay away.

2. Play the long game.

Dark Triad leaders are great at short-term gains, but as we all know, life is long. Instead of getting stung by the immediate drama around that person, think about what you need to build in the long run in order to have a successful career: keen expertise, strong relationships, and a reputation for being a kind, trustworthy, honest person. Your Dark Triad coworker may make your life miserable in the short term, but you will be the one standing when they eventually implode.

3. Pay attention to their past.

Sometimes it’s hard to determine if someone is a Dark Triad coworker or not. After all, they are charming and manipulative, so they can be quite appealing at times. Even if you can’t see their negative traits for yourself, look at their past.

• Do they have multiple burnt bridges?
• Do they have a list of “bad people” who they disdain?
• Do they never acknowledge their role in failures from the past?
• Do people from their past not speak highly of them, and never come back for coffee?

If the answer to many of these questions is “yes,” then you should be suspicious.

4. Speak and act as if everyone were watching.

One of the tactics that Dark Triad leaders employ is to use gossip, back-stabbing, and shifting alliances to get what they want. Don’t get caught in their games, because anything you say or do may be eventually used against you. If you speak and act as if everyone could hear, then you'll stay above any eventual frays.

5. Document everything.

Save every toxic email, and make note of occasions when the Dark Triad person says or does something that crosses the line of what is professional. Get as much as you can in writing. Put it all in a folder somewhere, and then let it go. This serves two purposes: (1) you will have evidence if it’s ever needed for HR or legal reasons, and (2) you can symbolically cleanse yourself of the person by putting their words and deeds far away from you.

6. Don’t take it personally.

It can sting to be manipulated, used, or disregarded. But don’t take it personally. Dogs bite, bees sting, and Dark Triad people poison. It's just what they do.

7. Be inspired by them.

Yes, you heard me right. What I have found is that these Dark Triad traits, when taken in small doses, can be positive. Manipulation can be a great skill for navigating complex situations to achieve goals. Narcissism can rally people to believe in a vision. Lacking guilt means that you aren’t weighed down by regret or remorse, so you can pick yourself up quickly after failures and charge forward. These are all good things if they are done to benefit yourself AND others.

Do you have a Dark Triad coworker in your life? Which of these strategies will you use to deal with them? Write me a note and share!

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-15440/why-narcissists-manipulators-psychopaths-get-power.html

3 Subjects Every School Should Teach to Change the World!

As a former teacher who spent 7 years in the system, one of the things that really bugs me about today’s schools is the undercurrent of fear and control-based social conditioning that they subject our children to. Yes, our children do learn valuable skills and information, but often at the cost of their overall health and prosperity. Our schools, while they do indeed try, ultimately fail to fully harness the power of today’s young minds because they emphasize routine, discipline and testing over exploration, compassion and innovation.

Another problem today in education is that we simply aren’t teaching kids what they really need to know to be successful in life. While it is important to learn basic math, science, and reading to survive in today’s world, it is also important to teach kids how to thrive.

With some slight adjustments, we could quickly start to improve education by adding a few new subjects aimed at helping kids become healthy and successful adults. By teaching students information that will truly benefit them, we could start to transform education (and the world!) in a positive way.

1. Schools Could Teach Meditation:

Meditation is a fantastic practice that many people do not have any instruction on whatsoever. Meditation clears out the clutter of anxious thoughts, helps people focus, and increases mental (and physical) health. The positive effects of meditation are well-documented.

How wonderful would it be if each morning students had 10 minutes of mindful meditation before beginning their school day? They’d start their morning centered and peaceful rather than rushed and scattered. I would imagine this would have tremendous effects on learning gains as well as behavior.

Beyond that, 10 minutes of meditation would be easy to implement! Most teachers need a few minutes at the beginning of class to take attendance, so many of them already give silent work to get students settled and ready for the day at the start of class. Replacing these “bell ringer” activities with meditation could be a quick and seamless way to start improving education.

2. Schools Could Teach (Proper) Nutrition:

Particularly in the United States, we are failing to educate our kids on the importance of nutrient-rich, organic, and non-GMO foods. The genetically modified food packed with chemicals that stocks our shelves and feeds our schoolchildren is very likely responsible for sky-rocketing obesity and cancer rates. Especially in a time when health hazards like these are on the rise, wouldn’t it be wise to teach our children how to make sound nutritional decisions?

Sadly, I’ve seen first hand what “lunch” (I use the quotation marks with much exaggeration) looks like in a school cafeteria. The choices our schools make in regards to nutrition leave much to be desired, and that’s putting it mildly.

I think the education system would be wise to honestly address this issue and take measures to educate today’s youth on the importance of TRUE nutrition. No more BS about how fruit cocktail is a “fruit” or how chicken nuggets are a good source of protein (claims that I’ve seen with my own two eyes on the school lunch menus sent home in my daughter’s backpack).

The thing is that kids already learn about nutrition in school, so we don’t have to completely overhaul the system to fit in new courses on nutrition. We just need to start being honest with them about what’s really going on with our food. Let’s be serious: 20 years from now, proper nutritional education (or the lack thereof) will have a much more profound impact on the lives of young people than Algebra 2 will.

3. Schools Could Teach the Law of Attraction:

From a very young age, we have had it beaten into us that there are rules we must follow and a very specific path we must walk down if we want to be successful.

Many of us buy into the idea that we must go to college (usually by taking on massive loans), and get an acceptable job (like being a doctor, accountant or a lawyer) if we want to be successful in life. This rigid thinking sways many young people away from exploring their true passions.

If we could teach our young people that anyone can use the Law of Attraction to create a successful career out of their passion, we could improve the world dramatically. New career options would emerge, and innovation would go off the charts. More importantly, people would be happier because they would be doing what they really wanted to do, rather than wasting their lives away doing work that didn’t inspire them.

Teaching students about the Law of Attraction from an early age would give kids the tools they need to go after their big dreams and live fulfilling lives.

To be fair, I do believe that education does serve a valuable purpose, and we are fortunate that most people today learn literacy, mathematics skills, social studies and science (amongst other subjects). However, this is a very narrow scope of what we could be teaching the students in our schools, and I believe it misses the mark on what our children really need to know in order to be happy and successful in adulthood.

By teaching kids how to meditate, proper nutrition and the Law of Attraction, we would give students the tools they need to not only be knowledgeable, but to flourish. We would improve our nation’s health (both physically and mentally), and our economy would expand as more people would have and create innovative and passionate careers for themselves. With happier, healthier and more prosperous citizens, we’d also very likely reduce violence and crime.

It’s something to think about. At the end of the day, I just couldn't hack it as a teacher any more because I couldn’t be a part of a system that I felt was hurting more than it was helping. As a mother and as a human being, I want a better future for our children, and I think that many people out there probably feel the same way.

We have the ability to be the generation that improves the world through education and I hope we can say one day that we were the ones who finally did it!

http://expandedconsciousness.com/2015/02/25/3-subjects-schools-teach-improve-world/