Nothing Great Was Ever Achieved Until Someone Like You Achieved It

"Everything is hard at first before it becomes easy." - Goethe.

There are truths and lessons in that little quote. And so learning is a process, life long. Day in and day out. Whether you consciously go about it. Or haphazardly on the hop.

And maybe one day you realize, you learn to learn more anyway. It is also true for writing. That is what writing is, communicating thoughts ideas instructions and many other things. So as to be understood clearly and conveniently.

"It's not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves." - Hillary.

When it came to fleshing out a new website with content, I slid off the mountain... And there I sat at the bottom battered and bruised.

Progress however painfully slow is still progress. And how easy it is to march through a book or course without doing the exercises. But Oh how painful the atrophy of ground gained is by not putting in the effort.

So, with a bright idea in mind, I headed out to learn to become a copy writer. I had a plan.

But leaning over my shoulder was that big dark workhorse waiting to be hitched. Without the practice, the experience is not gained and the profit lost.

Having an idea, a plan is the starting point. A purpose gives direction. I also discovered it wasn't easy even with a plan.

It was Henry Royce of Rolls/Royce fame who said, "We are here to make it better, and then better and then better again."

This is where that big dark workhorse comes into the game. He's part of it, and without him, there is no game. The hard work still has to be done. Do you remember this, 'no pain no gain'.

But with a little practice along the way, the going gets easier. And keeping in mind very rarely is anything done perfectly the first time. Taking comfort in that allows you to keep trying, and getting better each time. And being able to push aside failure.

Failure is giving up. Not getting up again.

Wisdom is looking at what you've done, and looking to see how it can be done better. The same goes for writing this article. Back and forth, adding a word, deleting a word. Changing the order.

It is the same for something you are putting off because you haven't any experience. What is the worst that can happen? It might just turn out a little how you intended it to. And then, you can make it better.

Which is far better than having done nothing at all.

How many dreams, goals, desires have you let slip by. Or continue to keep in the back of your mind? Let yourself go, go after what you want.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Nothing-Great-Was-Ever-Achieved-Until-Someone-Like-You-Achieved-It&id=9778320

Four Ways to Deal With Gossip

Here's the ugly truth. Gossiping tells more about the person gossiping, than it does about the person being talked about. Not only is it extremely hurtful to the person being spoken about, but it also shows that the person who is gossiping talks badly about other people and that they can't be trusted with personal and confidential information. People who gossip to you will also gossip about you. ~ Spanish Proverb.

So why do people do it? One reason we share things about others is to hot-wire a connection with a friend. The closeness in that friendship is built on talking bad about other people. Famous vulnerability researcher, Brene Brown, spoke about this on the Oprah Winfrey Show commenting that these types of friendships aren't true friendships because the intimacy that surrounds the relationship is built on hating the same people and this is counterfeit trust, not real trust. She instead referred to this as "common enemy intimacy".

We also find it easier to highlight other's problems to distract us from facing our own. It makes us feel better about ourselves because we get to revel in the fact that other people have problems too. This is especially gratifying when their problems are seen as more severe than our own.

Four Ways to Deal With Gossip:

1. Appreciate the difference between "helpful" and "gossip." There are times in life when it is genuinely helpful for you to know the personal background or personal details of a friend's life. But if someone begins sharing intimate details of another's life and you are in no position to help (or have no intention to help), it is not helpful speech. It is gossip. And will only lead to disaster.

2. Stop it before it starts. If your conversation begins to turn toward gossip, take the high road and end it. A simple sentence that goes like this, "I'm not sure I'm in a good position to be having this conversation," quickly shifts the focus to yourself while communicating your point to your partner.

3. Engage in meaningful conversations about the people around you. There is a 100% chance that you have not fully explored the deepest places of the heart and life sitting right in front of you. Rather than engaging in conversation about someone else, choose to ask deeper questions about the hopes, dreams, and fears of the people who are present.

4. Stay positive with your speech. Use positive words as much as possible - even when talking about another. Speaking positively about a person who is not present rarely leads to gossip and almost always leads to a closer ally. This positive speech will also encourage the people around you to do the same.

Have you given up gossip? If so, what happened as a result and how has your life changed?

What is it that makes you give in to gossip?

Have you ever been the victim of gossip? How did that affect you?

http://ezinearticles.com/?Four-Ways-to-Deal-With-Gossip&id=9471193

How Do You Better Understand People?

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You may not get people the first time you meet them. Nevertheless understanding them could help you find a great friend in them. What more, they could be influential people as well and you could use their help in your endeavors. So what are the tricks to understand people better? Read on to find out.

Here are some tips:

1) Most people want to be heard. They have great stories inside them which they want to express. They are willing to share their woes and accomplishments. Give them an attentive ear and listen to them with enthusiasm. It can help you to understand their line of interests and what they think about the most and how they get along with life. Cheer with them for their accomplishments and be sympathetic about their woes. Say a few words of encouragement and soothe them down.

2) It may seem weird to you while communicating with people why they chose a certain path in their life when they could have gone better ways. Try to be in their shoes and look from their point of view and decide if under the same circumstances you would have taken similar actions as they did. Most likely, this way you get to understand them better, how their mind works and how they make life choices.

3) Some people won't talk much during a conversation. Open them up by asking relevant questions. Show eagerness for their answers and encourage them to talk and help them reveal what they want to about their lives. That way too you get to understand quiet and non-talkative people because the answers they give help you to read their minds.

4) You won't understand everything about people on the first time round. If you really liked some of them and would like to continue communication with them, get their contact numbers and addresses, meet them and spend quality time with them. You will gradually begin to understand what they really like or dislike about anything for example, weather, clothes, food, politics, movies, novels, places and the list goes on.

5) While you continue to communicate with the people you have decided, understand if you share common interests and are like-minded. Because like attracts like. You may find a great friend in them which you have never imagined before. In case you don't find much in common with them, gradually cut them off from your life.

Summing up, those are some of the ways you get to understand people better and as I mentioned before they could not only be great friends but also influential people, helping you in your endeavors.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-Do-You-Better-Understand-People?&id=9707172

Four Ways to Deal With Gossip

Here's the ugly truth. Gossiping tells more about the person gossiping, than it does about the person being talked about. Not only is it extremely hurtful to the person being spoken about, but it also shows that the person who is gossiping talks badly about other people and that they can't be trusted with personal and confidential information. People who gossip to you will also gossip about you. ~ Spanish Proverb.

So why do people do it? One reason we share things about others is to hot-wire a connection with a friend. The closeness in that friendship is built on talking bad about other people. Famous vulnerability researcher, Brene Brown, spoke about this on the Oprah Winfrey Show commenting that these types of friendships aren't true friendships because the intimacy that surrounds the relationship is built on hating the same people and this is counterfeit trust, not real trust. She instead referred to this as "common enemy intimacy".

We also find it easier to highlight other's problems to distract us from facing our own. It makes us feel better about ourselves because we get to revel in the fact that other people have problems too. This is especially gratifying when their problems are seen as more severe than our own.

Four Ways to Deal With Gossip:

1. Appreciate the difference between "helpful" and "gossip." There are times in life when it is genuinely helpful for you to know the personal background or personal details of a friend's life. But if someone begins sharing intimate details of another's life and you are in no position to help (or have no intention to help), it is not helpful speech. It is gossip. And will only lead to disaster.

2. Stop it before it starts. If your conversation begins to turn toward gossip, take the high road and end it. A simple sentence that goes like this, "I'm not sure I'm in a good position to be having this conversation," quickly shifts the focus to yourself while communicating your point to your partner.

3. Engage in meaningful conversations about the people around you. There is a 100% chance that you have not fully explored the deepest places of the heart and life sitting right in front of you. Rather than engaging in conversation about someone else, choose to ask deeper questions about the hopes, dreams, and fears of the people who are present.

4. Stay positive with your speech. Use positive words as much as possible - even when talking about another. Speaking positively about a person who is not present rarely leads to gossip and almost always leads to a closer ally. This positive speech will also encourage the people around you to do the same.

Have you given up gossip? If so, what happened as a result and how has your life changed?

What is it that makes you give in to gossip?

Have you ever been the victim of gossip? How did that affect you?

Love,

http://ezinearticles.com/?Four-Ways-to-Deal-With-Gossip&id=9471193

Body Language Secret - Your Eyes!

Body language is important because you are SHOWING the world what you are feeling and thinking. Your body is "talking" (communicating) without you saying one single word. Yikes!

For today, my number one tip for body language is your eyes! There are two important tips to remember.

Eye Contact - Body Language

When talking with someone, look that person in the eyes! Not in a creepy way, but with interest!

Creepy: Creepy is when you don't blink, you stare, or concentrate on another part of their face! Don't do creepy!

Interviewing: For any type of interview (job, pageant, etc.), do NOT look away when someone asks a question. I've seen this so many times and not sure WHY someone thinks that looking away is "the thing" to do. The answer to the question being asked is NOT on the ceiling or in the other room. Look at the person! I believe that we have seen people of influence look away when answering a question and we think it's what we are "supposed" to do. It's NOT!

A Skill: Looking at someone in the eye is not a "natural" skill. In fact, I've had to teach my daughters to greet people while looking them in the eye. It's not something that everyone learns from a parent or picks up by watching others. Therefore, do NOT hesitate to help someone with this important and very basic communication skill. Without this skill of looking people in the eye, you may not get the job or get noticed by that special someone!

Talk With Your Eyes The Eyes Have It!

When communicating, your eyes are a big part of what you are saying. Your eyes can show interest, boredom, excitement, sympathy, panic, wonder or happiness! Yes - your eyes say so much about what you are thinking and feeling!

Tips for talking with your eyes:

First: make certain you follow the tips above! No creepy eyes, don't look away when answering a question and eye contact is a skill that can be learned!

Second: talking with your eyes includes your eyebrows and forehead. Yep - think about it. When you open your eyes in wonderment, you lift your eyebrows and your forehead! 

Third: Stop, look in the mirror. Look straight, then lift your eyebrows. When you lift your eyebrows, something happens to your eyes! You are talking with your eyes when you lift your eyebrows. Lifting your eyebrows may not seem natural at first, but continue to practice in the mirror. Then, practice with a friend. Before you know it, your eyes will be communicating along with what you are saying!

In conclusion, your eyes are important because you are SHOWING the world what you are feeling and thinking. Your body is "talking" (communicating) without you saying one single word. Yikes!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Body-Language-Secret---Your-Eyes!&id=9356337

How to Safeguard Your Intelligence

Everyone has intelligence because we are born with it. It's how you apply it that makes the difference. Parents help in this regard as they can easily direct a young child with chances to learn and be ahead of the pack. In this age we see young kids reading and writing before they even start school. Some are so smart they can do amazing things like Mozart, for example, who played music in concert halls in Europe at the age of 6, although he was an exception.

Intelligence is not just being smart it's about solving problems. Every animal can do that in regards to their safety, requirements, and reproduction. Some animals are much smarter than their counterparts and they become teachers for their pack. That is how they adapt to new things and even new environments.

Improving your brain power is not always the result of education. Some people can't even read and write but they know how to survive and even how to run a business. In recent years we have seen people who could not complete high school invent systems that are now household items, such as the Internet.

Reading is a big part of modern learning and it is an escape route for many who get absorbed into books that take them on mental journeys into the unknown. An appreciation of books starts when young and through an interest generated when they are read out.

Adults, however, have set minds and that means it is harder to take on new tasks and succeed, but it can be done. It has nothing to do with your intelligence but a lot to do with control and will power. Old folk are learning computer skills, for instance, and enjoying the thrills of communicating with the world at the click of a mouse.

Looking after the brain is important and something I was aware of from a very young age. It is damaged through knocks, accidents, alcohol, drugs, and other forms of abuse. Overloading it with horror stories and fiction can result in nightmares caused when it tries to expel things that it cannot relate to. Those who are addicted to television programs of that type or to movies may find they are slipping backwards on the intelligence scale.

The brain is an organ that controls and protects the entire body. If it is fed with the right food it will result in improved skills and awareness. If it is abused and impacted with non-intellectual stuff then it will not perform well. One of my favourite adages is: "what you eat today walks and talks tomorrow."

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Safeguard-Your-Intelligence&id=9439954

5 Most Common Distractions Many People Are Challenged With Every Single Day

We live in a world where almost everyone is in a rush - whether it's getting to a meeting venue on time, submitting work notes on schedule, beating traffic so as not be late to work or school - these are just some of the common scenarios that mirror how hectic our schedule have become. With so many things to do in 24 - hours, we seldom get the chance of getting everything done. When did things get so complicated???

Sometimes you have to sit back and ask yourself honestly: When was the last time you felt good because you were able to clear out your to do list? Can't remember? That's not surprising at all.

Now, if we've been spending hours rushing to get from one meeting to another or working from one project to the next, why is it that we never ever get to finish something up? This is because there are so many distractions in our world now and we are constantly multi tasking. Ultra productive people know that in order to accomplish a massive amount and, importantly, to feel great about their accomplishment & balanced, you have to be single minded in your approach. Eliminate distractions so we can focus on completing the things which really matter.

Here are what I know to be some of the most common distractions many people are challenged with every single day.

#1 Unnecessary Meetings

You know there is a problem in our working culture when there are books out now called 'Death By Meeting'. This is a book by Patrick Lencioni and it is awesome. Have you ever wondered how much time you have wasted being in meetings where your attendance seemed pointless or a waste of time? Where it just seems to be a meeting for the sake of a meeting which goes on for ages made up of mostly dribble and then at the end no real actionable items coming out of it?

Shoot me now. Here are some tips to make meetings effective:

Make sure there is a point and a clear desired outcome that must be reached before you go into the meeting

Try having stand up meetings

Set a time limit, where as soon as that time is up, everyone gets up and leaves - there is nothing like a bit of pressure to get a result

Ask: do I really need to be involved in this meeting?

Ask for the agenda prior to the meeting and that the pre-read materials be sent to you

#2 Email

We are in a culture now where people expect instant responses. Someone sends an email and if you don't respond within 10 minutes they are wondering if you are OK? This is a productivity killer. How many times a day do you check your email, honestly? 10 times a day, 20? Is it open all the time, just desperately waiting for that next earth shattering email to arrive? Seriously, most emails are a waste of time and don't get me started on the need for people to cc the entire world in on emails.

Top tips:

Set specific times each day where it is only then that you check email. For me it is 11am in the morning and 3pm in the afternoon and I check it for about 30 minutes at a time.

Condition others not to expect instantaneous responses from you (unless this is your job of course). If you don't condition others, they will expect you to live by their conditions

Set up rules and filters

Get someone else to check them for you. I have a virtual assistant who manages my email for me and sorts them into one of four boxes: Action, review, Archive, delete. I have given her a clear set of rules to follow and it clears the clutter. (Stay tuned for a later blog on how to do this effectively)

Finally, turn off that bloody pop up you've got mail or the 'ding' or the little envelope. As soon as it is there, you know you can't help but check it. Curiosity will get the better of you

#3 Social Media Sites

Can't resist looking at your phone or logging in to your pc to check your Facebook, Twitter, or YouTube? Social media is fun but it can be a huge time-waster especially when you begin to lose track of how much time you spend updating people with your status posts, reading your timeline or tweeting people back.

You can help minimize the time you spend with social media by designating a set amount of time each day for online social sites.

In 15-20 minutes, you can update your status or send a few tweets and once the time is over, log-out so you don't get distracted by social media notifications and start working.

It will take a lot of self-control to accomplish this, you know it will, but you will thank yourself for practicing restraint especially after you plough through one project to another.

#4 Office Chit-Chat and Random Distractions

Ever noticed how a 5 minute small-talk with a co-worker can stretch into 30 minutes, even a full hour? There is nothing wrong with socializing but when it begins to eat up your time and affect your productivity, then you have to do something about it. Minimize office chit-chat by communicating to colleagues your need for focus time. Hang a sign/symbol on your doorknob or outside your cubicle to discourage people from chatting with you and to send a signal that this isn't a good time to interrupt your work and learn this phrase:

"Bill, I would love to talk to you, but I have an urgent deadline right now, can we chat later?"

People will tend to leave you alone when you say you have something urgent to complete with a deadline. We are conditioned to respond to urgency in this day and age.

#5 Multi Tasking

I should really have this at the top. How big is your to-do list? Massive I bet, if you are like most people. Now I actually don't like to do-lists, they are ineffective and can be very overwhelming, there are much better systems based on outcomes, values and priorities, but this is for another time. Still, even this is better than nothing for most people who just let all of the things they have to get done rattle around endlessly in their heads and live in this constant state of reaction and drama.

I am only going to give you one tip here. There are many more I can add but I reckon that this is so vital that if you did it, it could completely change your life. It is one question:

"What is the one thing I could do right now, that if I did it and made major progress would do more to advance me in my life and career than anything else? "

Now, do that one thing.

Then, you guessed it, ask the same question again, and do that one thing.

Then ask again 

You get the point right????

If you let them, these distractions will suck away a major portion of your life and can hold you back from reaching your potential in work and in life.

Here are the 3 real themes to practice in your life:

Focus on simplicity and taking strategic action on one thing at a time.

Set up your environment around you and systems to eliminate distractions and ensure you stay on track.

Remember, that you are not playing life like most people are, you are extraordinary and are not going to follow like a sheep what everyone else does. So condition the people around you to your way of working. If you don't, they will expect you to conform to their way and society's norms which are totally ineffective.

One of the greatest things I learned when I first started out on my growth journey at a young age was to become ultra productive and it is a skill set and habit which has taken me a long, long way and allowed me to outperform the majority of others around me. Any successful person loves time management. Do yourself a favour and become a time master.

http://ezinearticles.com/?5-Most-Common-Distractions-Many-People-Are-Challenged-With-Every-Single-Day&id=8961581

The Importance of Words in Your Energized Life

A friend recently commented that the word "just" should be eradicated from one's vocabulary. Initially that made sense to me and I was amused at how often I used it, and in how many different ways. I even wrote the last article without using the word, though it would naturally (for me) fit in so many places!

You've heard, I'm sure, that the word "should" isn't part of a healthy mindset - or vocabulary either.

Words are important. Intention is important. Inflection is important too. Body language is also important.

But, whose rules are we communicating by, anyway? Words, in and of themselves, aren't bad. So, why do we need to cut some words from our vocabulary?

I've chosen to cut "hate" from my vocabulary because I think it's a powerful word that's too easy to misuse. In my experience there are more precise words to use. I want to find gentler ways of communicating, so cutting that word from my vocabulary works for me. Your experience may differ.

It's up to each one of us to decide what words mean to us and how to use them in our communications, so that we convey to others what we are truly intending.

Through the years there have been interesting lessons about word usage. Let me share some of them.

Many women in the women's lib movement have decried the use of what they decided were gender specific words, like chairman or mailman. They feel "man" should be dropped and we should say chair person or chair, and mail person or mail carrier. My teasing counter to that is "son" is a gender specific word so we should drop that from words like person, and use perpeople instead. And what do we do with the word "woman"? Do we talk about a "woperpeople" or a "wo" instead? Too cumbersome, in my humble opinion. I get that language shapes our attitudes about situations and people, and being grounded in our communications will go a long way in helping shape sound conversations and education on these kinds of topics.

I was told by people in a sales group I belonged to that "fine" wasn't a good word to use to describe my state of being because I should say that I'm great, top of the world, or fantastic! As they showed me how "fine" wasn't a good word they mimed a sad, tired, or dejected person. When used that way, fantastic could be misconstrued too. My response was, and is, that "fine" is a wonderful word. We talk about our fine china and crystal, bakers use fine sugar in their delicate pastries because it makes for a better product, and many a person of high standards and moral character has been described as a fine person. It's all in the intention, energy used, and intonation of the word that makes the word a "fine" one to use, or not.

The Apartheid and Black movement talked about the importance of words. Steven Biko talked about how black was a derogatory word: black magic, black sheep, etc. His impassioned speech, depicted in the movie Cry for Freedom, to a South African court moved me, and taught me how powerful language is. What's challenging is that, sticking with the term "black", is that it comes in and out of vogue. Here in the US it's been variously appropriate and inappropriate to call people black, Negro, and African American. Morgan Freeman is credited with saying that we should quit talking about race; he'll quit calling you a white man if you'll quit calling him a black man. Biko's message is clear to me, but I'm not sure the word "black" is the problem. After all, people like their coffee black, their businesses to run in the black, and expert skiers thrill on black diamond runs. I think the attitude of the people he was talking to in the '60s and '70s was the real issue.

Words have the power to lift us and to put us down - if we let them. To me, the bottom line is, are you working to lift yourself up and keep yourself lifted? The words you use and the words of others you accept support your efforts to be strong, confident, and worthy, or undermine those goals.

When I'm on a medical call as an EMT and someone asks me for a decision, if it's outside my scope of practice my answer can be something like "I'm just an EMT-B" without putting myself down. Yes, it would be more precise to say "I'm an EMT-B and that's outside my scope", but in the efficiency of language and conservation of time, that takes longer and expends more energy. And you know I'm all about conserving energy! I'm proud of my designation as an EMT-B. If the person I'm talking to takes exception and thinks I'm putting myself down, that's their problem, not mine. If I was ashamed of my designation or jealous of someone's more advanced designation, then "just" would indicate a problem, though the word is still a good word.

Here's the message I'd like you to get from this discussion. Let your word usage be a guide to areas of your life that need attention. If you are weak in an area, focus on that area to fix the problem and change your attitude about the situation. You may decide the word doesn't serve you well, but if it points to an area where you can improve, then I'd argue that it has served you very well.

Be attentive to your language. Be attentive to your inflection and body language as you talk. You can learn a lot about yourself through your choice of words, your vocal variety, and your posture - if you pay attention. You can energize yourself by choosing supportive words, using uplifting inflection, and using strong posture.

You "should" quit using specific words "just" when you think they aren't serving you and are no longer "fine".

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Importance-of-Words-in-Your-Energized-Life&id=9379028

Change the Metaphors You Use and Change Your Life

Do we really use the gift of language as well as it could be used? I have been reading about our use of metaphors and how we adopt them and use them without thinking about their effect. How often have you thought "life is a battle when struggling with something, or perhaps somebody as "a pain in the neck". Try next time to find a more uplifting metaphor: how about "an opportunity".

Try changing your choice of metaphors in all areas of your life; how you think of, or speak of your children, your work colleagues, your other half or your partner etc. and see the effect it has on both your outlook and your response from others.

Sometimes it is as if we are half asleep, we say things without thinking of the consequences or the effect the words make. Words are a means of communicating make sure they are actually creating the intended message, not perhaps just your anger or frustration.

I read a story about a little boy whose friend had fallen from some apparatus and died. He was naturally distraught until his father suggested he was like a caterpillar in a cocoon, that would soon be a butterfly and soar into the sky.

Change your thinking and change your life. Make your life story as exciting as you like. Learn a language, take up painting, or writing; or start a business in your spare-time and earn some extra cash, I'm sure you will enjoy spending it! You are capable of so much more, make every hour count. Change your metaphors, learn to enjoy what you do, and enjoy your life. Life is an adventure where will your life take you?

I am building an online business, attempting to learn Spanish, getting fitter and hopefully losing a few pounds. What will your challenges be?

If you too would like an online business the easiest way to start is affiliate marketing with a coach, this makes it much simpler, products are provided in a range to excite your customers into making repeat orders; professionally written sales pages and marketing advice so that you can start to earn whilst you are still learning. Affiliate marketing is great fun and in the future your business can be grown to the size that suits you.

Change the metaphors you use daily and create a new adventure for yourself and your family.

The book I am reading is "Awaken the giant Within", by Anthony Robbins. If you want to learn more about metaphors, life planning, and achieving what you really want, you might like to read it too!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Change-the-Metaphors-You-Use-and-Change-Your-Life&id=9422317

Communicating With Family - How to Let a Family Member Know They Hurt You

Anyone can hurt us, that is inevitable. But getting hurt by our own family member, whom we completely trust, doubles the pain. It's not only the unpleasant action or the mistake committed that causes us to despair, but prevalently, the thought that we never expected someone of our own blood can hurt us. Nevertheless, we need to forgive because, despite it all, we are in one family. We can choose our friends, we can choose our partners, but we can never choose our family. As cliche as it is, blood will always be thicker than water.

But, how do we forgive, forget, and move on from a hurtful situation?

Unless until the feeling will be revealed, and all the bitterness will be poured out, we will always keep the grudge inside us that could soon break our good relationship toward each other. Proper communication is the key to getting things back to the way they used to be.

It is definitely hard to properly get our message across when we are filled with emotions and are deeply hurting. But there is no easy way to fix the broken things. If we want to find peace and live in love with each other again, we have to face each dispute with mindfulness and boldness of heart. We need to expose the wound so it can be treated.

If we have practiced open communication within the family, this wouldn't be too hard to do. Opening up can be a breeze by way of voicing out the grievances right where and when it happens. It may flare up an argument but the honesty and bluntness of words can solve whatever misunderstandings right there and then. It shortens the time of feeling the pain and eliminates the growth of hate.

But there are simply instances when the wound is too deep and we find it hard to speak and let our grievances be known. Sometimes, it needs a little more courage and effort to confront. Pouring out our raging emotions through writing is the best way to deal with it. By writing our thoughts first, we can assess our words and weigh down heavy outpourings so as not to cause too much havoc. We need to keep in mind that the purpose for airing out our affliction is to ease the pain and cure the wound not to amplify the dispute.

Open communication is very important in a family to keep the relationship healthy and strong. It doesn't matter whether the plight is small or extensive, if it's hurting us, we need to let each other know. Keeping a few grudges in ourselves is like letting a few vermin live in our house. They can multiply, and we will only notice it when they've already caused great devastation into our homes.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Communicating-With-Family---How-to-Let-a-Family-Member-Know-They-Hurt-You&id=9436111

5 Remarkably Powerful Phrases That Will Help You Get What You Want

Sometimes the wording you choose makes all the difference.

Would you like to be better at getting what you want from your employees, co-workers, customers, bosses, kids, and partner or spouse? Sometimes a change in wording is all you need.

That advice comes from best-selling author and executive coach Wendy Capland. Over the years, she’s learned that certain words and phrases minimize what you have to say, making your requests ineffective. Others have surprising power to influence your listeners. “They increase our effectiveness in communicating clearly and up our ability to get what we want,” she says.

Here are some phrases Capland says are particularly helpful at getting the desired response. Next time you want something from someone, try one of them out, and see if it doesn’t make a difference:

1. What I heard you say is …

This powerful little phrase is one of the first that counselors learn, Capland says. “It’s clarifying,” she explains. “It’s a technique for how you listen to people as they’re describing a problem or situation. You’re repeating it back to them.”

This has two purposes. First, you’re checking for accuracy, making sure that you properly understood what the other person was trying to tell you. If you’ve never done this, you’ll be surprised at how often what you heard is actually not what the person intended to say. I know--because when I’ve neglected to do this, I’ve gotten into stupid arguments time and again when I misunderstood what someone was trying to tell me, or vice versa.

The second purpose is to validate what others have said, and let them know that you have heard them, and value their feelings and thoughts. People are dramatically more likely to listen to what you say if they feel they themselves have been listened to.

2. Help me understand …

“I love this phrase, because it takes the edge off a ‘You idiot!’ statement,” Capland says. “You’re accusing someone of doing something wrong, and everybody knows it. If you use a ‘You idiot!’ statement, the person will become defensive or upset.”

That’s not a good interaction to get into, but you can largely defuse it by saying something like, “Help me understand how you made that decision.” First, this reinforces the idea that you and the listener are collaborators, working together to solve a problem. Second, there may indeed be circumstances or considerations you don’t know about or haven’t thought of that made the seemingly wrong decision not so wrong after all. Rather than jumping to the conclusion that someone screwed up, you’re wisely pausing to get all the facts.

3. Would you be open to the possibility …

This is a powerful phrase to use when making a pitch. “I just sent an email to an executive because I want him to send five of his top or emerging female leaders to my women’s leadership retreat,” Capland says. “Instead of saying it quite that way, I wrote, ‘Would you be open to the possibility of learning more about this event and of sending some of your female executives to it?’”

This is powerful because it softens the request and allows the listener to take the next step or learn more about what you’re offering without making a decision yet, she explains. Most of us are open to learning more about something most of the time, so long as we don’t have to commit to more than that. So your odds of getting a yes answer are good--and now the person has invited you to send along your most compelling information about whatever it is you’re pitching.

4. My request is …

“Most of us do not know how to ask for what we want,” Capland says. Making an effective request is a skill you need to develop, and this simple phrase is a good place to start because it offers multiple advantages. First off, it makes it crystal clear that you’re making a request, something a person doesn't always manage to convey very well.

Second, it can take the sting out of something that could be an order or even a complaint: “My request is that you clean up your room this afternoon” or “My request is that you turn in your report by 5 p.m.,” for example. Most important, it encourages you to be specific when making requests, and the more specific you are about what you want and when, the likelier you are to get it. One of Capland’s clients was affected by a corporate reorganization that added a boss above her. Top brass sat down with her to discuss her options: She could stay where she was, move to a different department, or leave and receive a severance package. She responded, “My request is a year’s severance,” and she got it.

5. I’m not sure, but let me get back to you in …

What do you do when someone asks you a question and you don’t know the answer, either because you need more information or because it involves a decision that you haven’t made yet? Just saying, “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure” makes you appear weak, Capland says. “Let me get back to you” is better, but still vague and open-ended. Saying specifically what you will do and when you will answer makes you seem authoritative and, more important, gives people an answer they can rely on. “I’ll check my figures over the weekend and give you a definite answer on Monday” is much better than “I don’t know. Let me think about it.”

You’ve made a commitment, which you will follow up on. And being clear about both your commitments and your desires is a big step toward getting those desires fulfilled.

http://www.inc.com/minda-zetlin/5-remarkably-powerful-phrases-that-will-help-you-get-what-you-want.html

5 Strategies for Communicating When You Don't Even Like to Talk

The stereotypical entrepreneur talks to everyone easily, but introverts need not be discouraged. Reticence does not doom you to failure.

Social science finds at least a third, and maybe half, the population is introverted. Successful entrepreneurs who are introverts make their personalities work for them. With less interest in the spotlight than accomplishing goals, introverts are inclined to let talented employees run with their ideas. Here are five strategies for making introversion an asset.

1. Learn to work with your personality. Even if it makes your palms sweat, as an entrepreneur you need to communicate with people. That does not mean you need to do it in situations that are terminally uncomfortable. If speaking in front of a large crowd is too much, one-on-one meetings are often just enough. When  you must talk to a group, prepare a script. Identify your strengths and weaknesses and adjust accordingly. Successful introverted entrepreneurs own their introversion, know their strengths and compensate for their weaknesses.

2. Discover your strengths. People tend to underestimate the introvert but the introvert surprises those who listen. Research reveals introverts are more concrete when describing things, and concrete descriptions are known to make a better impression. In comparison to extroverts, who may skim the surface, introverts study the big picture. Research shows introverts have more neuronal activity in brain regions linked to vigilance control and motor control, and they process external stimuli faster than extroverts. Introvert entrepreneurs naturally talk less and strategize more.

3. Prepare for working outside your comfort zone. Introverted entrepreneurs enjoy spending time alone but no entrepreneur can build a business completely on their own. Cultivating good social skills to connect with others is essential to hiring a team, persuading investors and selling your ideas. You can be an introvert most of the time, but there are times when even an introvert needs to be sociable.

4. Be aware of your energy. Occasionally you will need an extroverted front to accomplish a task. Make reasonable adjustments. For instance, if you must make calls during your shift, do so when you’re ready and prepared. Do things that don’t drain your energy too fast and leave the extroverted activities for times when you’re more energized.

5. Technology is never shy. The information age offers introverts a safe haven at the click of a button. As an introverted entrepreneur, you can use this to your advantage. Since introverts are good with details, creating and managing systems is a great way to interact with people without actually interacting. Let your software talk for you.  If approaching someone in person is daunting, use social media. Outsourcing can grow your business and reduce how often you need to talk face-to-face.

Ultimately, technology doesn’t solve all problems and personality is not destiny. Keep a level head and build a support system. Good advice for extroverts, too.

http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/233663

How to Live a Better Story, from Best-Selling Author Donald Miller

Advice on keeping your passion new and fresh and original and beautiful and meaningful

You probably know Donald Miller from his New York Times best-selling books Blue Like Jazz (which was also developed into a major motion picture), A Million Miles in a Thousand Years and most recently, Scary Close.

I became a Donald Miller fan when I first read Blue Like Jazz in college, so I grew nervous as I approached his office in Franklin, Tennessee. I was greeted by Miller’s COO, Tim Schurrer, the ex-Apple chief of staff, who was as cool as you’d expect a chief of staff poached from Apple to be. My heart beat a little faster as I studied the ultra-hip converted loft space for the best interview spot.

The space had been Miller’s home base as he transitioned from author to entrepreneur, founding Storyline and Story Brand—Storyline a website and conference company that helps people “live a better story,” and Story Brand a consulting firm that helps brands like Pantene, Lincoln and Chick-fil-A refine their message and grow their businesses.

My anxiety subsided, though, when Miller walked in. He is as warm and gracious in person as you would think from reading his books. We chatted and laughed as he was fitted with a mic, just like a pro who’d done it hundreds of times.

So, how did a humble memoir writer become the CEO of a branding firm that consults Procter & Gamble brands? That’s what we sat down to talk about, and as we did, I realized just how much we can learn about success from Donald Miller.

Are you an aspiring author, or maybe a hopeful entrepreneur? Here are a few things he’s learned along the way that can help you in your pursuit:

1. Get clear on your message.

That was the first step that took Miller’s struggling company to a major branding firm. “A friend of mine kind of pulled me aside and said, ‘Don, you’ve got 350 people coming to your conference and you’ve sold millions of books. Why are there so few people coming to your conference?’” Miller recalls. “I thought, This is my fault. I’m really great at communicating things in 300 pages, but I’m not very good at summarizing things.”

So Miller took his company through his seven-step story-writing process. “I filtered our communication through that process, and we went from 350 people to selling out a theater of 970. Then we went from 970 to 1,700, from 1,700 to 1,800. All of these were sellouts. In 2016 we hope to go to 7,100.”

2. Balance creativity and strategy.

Creators who find success, says Miller, have to balance sentimentality and creativity with selling and strategy. “The publishing company that is publishing your book is in business. And what that means is they have hundreds of employees that they have to pay, and when your book is late, doesn’t deliver or doesn’t sell, these wonderful people get laid off.”

He applies this combination to both his books and his business. “When you’re thinking about business, you’re waking up every day saying, Where am I losing money? Where am I making money? What do I need to focus on? When you wake up writing a book, you think, What needs to be in this chapter? What’s the point of this chapter? How can I get rid of the clutter in this chapter so people don’t get confused?”

3. Fight insecurities with results.

We all feel like rookies at the beginning of a new endeavor or when transitioning from one space to another as Miller did. I asked how he dealt with the intimidation when his first branding client was Pantene, and I loved his answer. “There’s one way to fight through that, and it’s very, very important: What you’re offering has to work. It just has to work. When it starts working and you see it working and the results are verified, that’s when you gain confidence.”

4. Give up control to grow.

First, Miller recommends you hire out your liabilities, hire people smarter than you and try to only hire revenue-producing positions at the beginning. Then let the people you hire run with it. “My strengths were that I was a visionary. I was very passionate. I was very driven. But I was not terribly interested in details and not going to be around because I’m traveling so much,” he says. “So, I hired Tim to run my company. That was really scary because I looked at Tim’s salary, what we were going to pay him, and we hardly had it in our account. I was counting on Tim bringing in more money. Within a short period of time, he was bringing in way more than his salary, and that was fantastic.”

5. Keep yourself motivated.

Anyone building a small business or a passion project, according to Miller, “knows the frustration of having to get up every day and push that cart up the hill.” But it’s up to you, he continues. “The thing just is not going to happen without your drive and your passion, and keeping that up is the hardest part. Keeping something new and fresh and original and beautiful and meaningful on the table at all times is the pressure.” He quickly follows this up, assuring me that he truly loves what he does, saying “Again, there’s such an upside to this that it’s hard to even call that a downside.”

His love for his work—telling his stories while helping others tell their stories—probably explains why he’s become so successful. “The best part, and I think it’s what every writer wants, is that I get to be heard…. It’s a twofold blessing. One, I got to be heard. Two, as I got older and matured, I got to give other people a voice so they could be heard. That’s the daily thing I get to wake up and feel super-satisfied about.”

http://www.success.com/article/how-to-live-a-better-story-from-best-selling-author-donald-miller

How to Stay Cool Under Pressure

How to keep cool under pressure: Handling anger, nervousness, fear & indecision

Most of us experience some level of stress in life. How we handle stressful situations can make the difference between being assertive versus reactive, and poised versus frazzled. When under pressure, the most important thing to keep in mind is to keep your cool. Here are some quick tips:

1. If you feel angry and upset with someone

, before you say something you might later regret, take a deep breath and count slowly to ten. In most circumstances, by the time you reach ten, you would have figured out a better way of communicating the issue, so that you can reduce, instead of escalate the problem. If you're still upset after counting to ten, take a time out if possible, and revisit the issue after you calm down.

2. If you feel nervous and anxious, put cold water on your face, which triggers the mammalian diving reflex and immediately slows the heart rate between ten to twenty-five percent. It's also helpful to get fresh air and take deep breaths from the diaphragm. Avoid caffeinated beverages which can stimulate your nervousness (1)(2)(3).

3. If you feel fearful, depressed, or discouraged, try intense aerobic exercises. Energize yourself. The way we use our body affects greatly the way we feel. As the saying goes - motion dictates emotion. As you experience the vitality of your body, your confidence will also grow (3)(4).

For more in-depth information on reducing or eliminating over fifteen types of negative attitudes and feelings, see my book (click on title): "How to Let Go of Negative Thoughts and Emotions.”

4. If you feel overwhelmed, confused, stuck, or uninspired, go outdoors and clear your head.

Go into nature and surround yourself in colors of green and blue, which have a calming effect (5)(6)(7). Find a panoramic view and look out into the distance. Walk. Take deep breaths. Empty your mind. Come back with a fresh perspective.

5. If you feel uncertain or indecisive, do a cost-benefit analysis. For example, if you’re having trouble deciding between staying at your current job or leaving, put each choice on a piece of paper with a line down the middle. With each option, list all the pros on one side, and the cons on the other side. If you like, score on a scale of 1 to 5 each pro and con item on the lists to weigh their relative importance. As you do so, the most logical decision will often emerge.

However, if you still feel uneasy after making a logical choice, put the analysis away and sit with the decision for a while. Go for a walk as recommended in tip #4 above. A good decision, especially an important one, should allow you to feel more at peace. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201308/how-stay-cool-under-pressure