In the Pursuit of Happiness

Happiness is like the elusive butterfly that we all chase; the more we chase it, the more it flits away.

This truth is based on a quote attributed to Henry David Thoreau.

However, a growing number of psychologists are of the opinion that today people can 'chase after the elusive butterfly and make it sit on their shoulder'. This metaphorical statement implies that by monitoring the workings of the mind, anything can be made possible. David T.Lykken, author of the book "Happiness: Its nature and nurture says that happiness is determined by our genes to a large extent. Every person has a 'happiness set point' and there are only slight deviations.

But extensive research is now showing that happiness can be pursued; in fact the key to happiness is knowing where to look for it. A University of Texas professor who has done considerable research on the subject concludes that even intelligent and successful people don't always make life choices that bring happiness. There are five key areas that he has identified which directly affect our wellbeing and all these are within our control.

1. Not running after happiness - obsessing about feeling happy is best avoided; instead, increasing the odds of feeling happy in any situation without sacrificing it for other things is crucial. Recognizing what makes us happy and prioritizing to find the right balance is a must.

2. Taking responsibility - the ability and power to control our feeling and thoughts is in our hands and blaming others for unhappy outcomes leads to unhappiness.

3. Comparisons bring misery - doing the catch-up game with colleagues, friends, relatives and others in relating happiness to feeling a sense of superiority over others can only make us keep running all the time. Less comparison with other people brings more happiness.

4. Following the flow - Goals and aspirations keep changing constantly and happiness may remain elusive forever. 'Being in the moment' makes us realize how much happiness we can gain.

5. Trusting people more, even strangers - the perception of trust makes people happier. Distrust causes constant irritation and happiness; even a little bit of faith in strangers is a strong indication of a happy mind.

Psychologists who have studied happy people in communities around the world share the reasons why some people are happier than others.

• Choosing to be happy and not worrying - consciously choosing attitudes and behaviors that bring happiness is the right decision 

• Cultivating gratitude - being thankful and grateful moves people away from despair and bitterness 

• Fostering forgiveness - nursing grievances and grudges affects physical and mental health; forgiveness reduces the effects of bad events that create resentment 

• Learning to recognize and counteracting negative feeling and thoughts - promotes serenity and dispels anxiety 

• Understanding that money cannot buy happiness - the more the money, less the happiness. No matter what is achieved in the pursuit of our goals, it will never bring about a lasting state of happiness.

http://ezinearticles.com/?In-the-Pursuit-of-Happiness&id=9545803

Is It Easier to Be Unhappy or Happy?

This was a question that was put before me recently and I thought it an interesting one. For many people the answer is it's easier to be unhappy, because unhappiness, struggle and complaint are their default beliefs and behaviors. For others, happiness seems to come easily. We all know those people who seem just naturally happy, no matter what. They bounce back from setbacks and keep going along their merry way.

So why is that? In her book, "Happy for No Reason", Marci Shimoff states the happiness is about 50% genetic and 50% learned. We all have a "happiness set point" that we come into this world with. Some people really are naturally more happy. Happiness is also a matter of what we absorbed as children from our environment. We picked up beliefs about life from our parents, other family members, teachers, friends, religious leaders and mass consciousness. If you heard that "Life is hard," "It's a jungle out there," "You'll never amount to anything," "You just can't get ahead," "You can't trust anyone" and other similar beliefs, you absorbed those ideas into your subconscious and they affect your outlook on life. Your behaviors will then be influenced by your beliefs, whether you realize you hold them or not, and the results you get in life will be the result of how you act in the world.

So the default for many people is to complain, blame others or situations for what's wrong in their lives, or to feel guilty for not being where or who they think they "should" be in life. It's easy to complain and blame. Remember the saying "misery loves company"? If you believe that and have something to complain about you'll surely find people who are willing to jump right in there with you to commiserate. It feels validating for a short time. You feel part of the group. That's the payoff for staying stuck in unhappiness. The problem is, nothing ever changes.

The good news is, you can raise your happiness set point.

The main thing we all really want in life is to be happy. With awareness of our thoughts and behaviors and the practice of new habits, we can raise our happiness level. It's possible to be happy without our outside circumstances changing. Real happiness is not the result of changed circumstances, but of changed outlook and response to life. In fact, when you're happy first, your life actually flows better as a result. Happy people get better treatment, more opportunities and enjoy better health.

The key word here, is practice. You need to be willing to make the commitment to new ways of thinking and approaching life. Just like learning how to play a musical instrument or learning a new language, learning how to be happy and setting it as your new default response takes consistent practice over time. So the question to ask yourself is, "Am I willing to make the small effort to change into a happy person? Am I willing to do the work to change my life?"

If your answer is yes, here are some happiness habits to get you started:

1. Be solutions focused. Are you looking at the problem or are you looking at how you might solve it? What is going right that you can capitalize on?
2. Question your thoughts. Just because you have a thought, it doesn't make it true. What is a thought that is as true or truer than the one you just had that feels better? Lean into the better feeling thought.
3. Surround yourself with happy people. Happiness is contagious!
4. Look for the lesson and the gift in every situation. Everything is FOR us in some way. What are you learning from challenging situations? How are you growing? Who are you becoming?
5. Practice gratitude. No matter what your situation is, there is always something to be grateful for. Gratitude centers you in your heart and lifts your spirits. If you are reading this, you can see and you know how to read. There's two right there! Practice this every day by either saying your gratitude out loud or writing it down. Lives have been turned around by this practice alone.
6. Get in touch with your purpose. What excites you? What are you passionate about? What do you do really well that you also enjoy? People who are inspired by purpose are happier people

It may be easier to stay stuck in unhappiness, but the rewards of making the decision and commitment to practice happiness are great!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Is-It-Easier-to-Be-Unhappy-or-Happy?&id=9469859

Message From the Universe: Happiness and Unhappiness Dilemma

"No one can be both happy and unhappy at the same time, right?

One blights the other.

So here's what we do: Pick ANY reason to be happy, and unhappiness gets locked out.

And we do it forever.

Yeah, "OMG!" 

The Universe"

Pretty simple technique right? When you feel down, when you feel sad or depressed, instead of talking about it with others and crave empathy along the way, the ONLY thing you do is continue feeling sad and depressed and feeding these negative emotions that will continue to haunt you for weeks or months. Let's say you just ended a relationship or a marriage. It is obvious that a feeling of depression and extreme sadness will kick in and make you feel like crap for the next few weeks, months or even years, depending on how much it hurts. You will seek family and friends assistance to go through this ordeal and hopefully take the time to heal and move on with your life. It will not be an easy path at all and you will need to invest time on yourself to cope with this sadness and depression. Time will heal all wounds, and once you've given the time to do so, you need to move on. the best revenge to the one who pained you is a fresh new start and moving forward. the culprit always wishes that the victim continues to feel like crap for the rest of their life, thinking that they have such a great impact in your life. Do not give them that pleasure. Get up, go out with friends, start fresh, go on dates with someone better looking and enjoy being single. Never let anyone control how you live your life from this point forward. No one deserve this power.

There is no space for unhappiness in your life. You should focus on doing things that make you happy. Sometimes, forgetting or denying events that hurts you is a good start for forgiveness. I am not saying that you should remain in that denial state of mind, but it can help you trigger moving on with your life, especially during the first few weeks after break up. Just remember that if it didn't work out with that person, that means that someone better is just around the corner. You need to be open to accepting someone else in your life. Being close minded will not help you moving on and keeping on talking about your resentment and anger towards the person who broke your heart will not enable you to take that leap forward. You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs and by you meeting people, going on dates, entering into relationship, learning from your previous lessons and putting the effort on making yourself a better person will make the next relationship closer to ultimate success. If you don't try, you will never succeed. It is by failing that you get better at things, and that goes the same for business, personal and spiritual. Eliminate fear from your mind and focus on tackling whatever comes your way. This is what life should be about.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-Happiness-and-Unhappiness-Dilemma&id=9659523

The Key to Happiness You Wish You Never Had

Most people would argue that being happy is much more important than being unhappy.

Is that really the case?

You won't find books with titles such as 10 Easy Steps Towards Less Joy in Your Life, or More Unhappiness: A Practical Guide Towards a Sadder You. If you happen to find books like these, I'd bet good money they're not selling that well!

When you Google the word "happy" there is an astounding 2,7 billion results. Searching for "unhappiness" only yields around 80 million results.

Society clearly has much more interest in happiness than in unhappiness, but does that make unhappiness any less important?

No, it doesn't. They are equally important because happiness simply cannot exist without unhappiness. There can be no happiness without unhappiness.

Confused? Let me explain.

It's All Relative

Close your eyes and imagine... actually don't close them, otherwise you can't read any further, so just imagine then, that every place on earth has the exact same temperature. In this world, the words hot and cold have no meaning, because after all, everything has the exact same temperature.

Suppose then the temperature in the Arctic decreases while remaining the same everywhere else. Now, and only now, can we refer to the Arctic as being cold. Why is this? Because now, and only now, is the rest of the globe relatively warmer than the Arctic.

The temperature imbalance was required to give meaning to the words hot and cold. Cold, being the one extreme, only found meaning once the other extreme of warmth found its meaning. The one extreme can't exist without the other.

Happiness and unhappiness is certainly no different. Happiness after all is an extreme emotion, with unhappiness being the other extreme. Happiness only exists because unhappiness exists. It's therefore essential to be unhappy at times so we can be happy during other times.

Still not convinced?

We're all 55 Years Old

Suppose that every single person on earth is 55 years old. In this make-believe world, people are neither young, nor old because everyone has the exact same age. The words young and old have absolutely no meaning in this world because every single person is 55 years old.

The arrival of a 15-year old alien will bring about the change. As soon as he lands on earth, an imbalance is created, giving meaning to the words young and old. Now, and only now, that someone (or is that something) younger than everyone else exists, can the words young and old have their meaning.

The people who are 55 were never old. Only after the arrival of the 15-year old extreme can they be referred to as being old. The arrival of the 15-year old has given meaning to the words young and old. The one extreme exists, only because the other extreme exists.

Similarly, unhappiness has to exist for happiness to exist.

The Poor Makes The Rich (Or is it the Other Way Round?)

Why are people rich? Sure, they work hard or got a lucky break, but the word rich is a relative concept. A rich person may be someone who is worth $100 million, $10 million or someone who is worth only $1 million.

In some developing countries, a person who is worth only $10 000 could be considered rich. Why is this? People are deemed rich because they have more money compared to those around them, and not because of the actual sum of money that they have.

Rich people therefore exist only because poor people exist around them. The one extreme can only exist because the other exists.

It is crucial for us to experience unhappiness in establishing benchmarks against which we can compare our current-day emotions. If unhappiness did not appear in our past, we will have a skewed benchmark against which to compare the emotions we experience today. It's all relative and unhappiness is essential in making this relative comparison possible.

Happy Meal

A person, who has had enough to eat throughout his life, will not be struck with happiness when presented with a plate of food, simply because he has never experienced the unhappiness associated with being hungry. To him it will be just another meal.

A person who has faced starvation on the other hand, has experienced unhappiness associated with lack of food. When this person is presented with the same plate of food, he will be overjoyed. His happiness results from the unhappiness of not having had enough to eat in his past.

Unhappiness plays a vital role in life. In fact, it is absolutely essential for us to know unhappiness, if we ever want to know happiness. Without unhappiness, there will not be happiness; only a dull and monotonous journey through a life filled with mediocrity.

Whenever you experience unhappiness again, be consoled by the thought that you're simply experiencing an emotion essential to your happiness.

The key to happiness is a regular dose of unhappiness.

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Key-to-Happiness-You-Wish-You-Never-Had&id=9538405

The Only 3 Choices To Make When You Want To Be Happy

She looked at me and said, "It doesn't matter what I do; I can't change it." This wasn't the first time I'd heard words like this leave a friend's mouth, but it was the first time since I had experienced some awakenings of my own.

The true cause of our unhappiness is the belief that we have no control.

I used to feel, as my friend did, that my life was happening to me. The belief that we don't get to chart the course of our lives was deeply ingrained in our subconsciouses, which makes us feel totally powerless, leading to frustration and unhappiness.

But recently in my own life, I'd realized the truth. While we can't control what happens to us, we are the only people who can control how we react to those situations.

We can react from a place of victimhood, throw our hands up in the air and say, "It doesn't matter what I do." But this makes us feel trapped — like there's a wall between what we want and where we are, with no escape in sight. Victimhood contributes to bitterness and sadness.

Sometimes we flail and scream, and sometimes we resign ourselves limply to the inevitable, but at no time do we take transformative action in our lives, take back the reins, or assert that we are the captains of our own ships.

What some people never realize is that the true cause of our unhappiness is the belief that we have no control.

Breaking free of that belief is a prerequisite to happiness. Here are seven things happy people believe:

1. We choose our responses to every situation.

2. We are the authors of our stories.

3. We always have a choice.

4. Life's trials are the most crucial periods in which to affirm your autonomy over your life. Hold on tight to that.

5. Welcoming hardship comes from the belief that struggles are not happening to us, but for us.

6. Those struggles are the most efficient conduit by which we learn and grow.

7. In any undesirable circumstance, there are three — and only three — happiness-promoting responses:

1. Accept and embrace the situation for what it is.

If we're in a job that we aren't happy with and we choose to embrace it, we no longer complain, commiserate with friends, bemoan our situation, or find ways to rebel. We actively make the best of it, every day.

2. Change the situation.

If we stick with the job example, changing the situation can look like having a conversation with the boss, implementing new ideas for a more satisfying work experience, etc. It means making the decision to stay in the situation while working to make it better.

3. Leave the situation.

If we choose to leave the situation, we quit the job and move to another one. Make this decision not out of frustration or desperation but after calm, measured consideration about what will make you happiest in the long term.

All of these options, each as much as the others, has you in the driver's seat. No, we can't control what life throws at us. But we get to decide how we'll react to it. This is your ship! You get to steer. So start charting your course.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-22772/the-only-3-choices-to-make-when-you-want-to-be-happy.html

Chronically Unhappy People Are As Toxic As The Plague: Are You One?

We all have bad days, but chronic unhappiness is toxic. Not only to those around you but to yourself especially. Nobody wants to live an unhappy life, so why not change? University of California researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky claims, "40 percent of our capacity for happiness is within our power to change." This means there's hope for us all.

So what creates unhappiness? Your beliefs, attitude, behavior choices, and the way you view the world. Sure, we all have moments of unhappiness but there are certain traits and habits that chronically unhappy people do on a daily basis.

So how do you know if you're one of these unhappy people? We've listed 10 traits and habits that might help you identify whether or not you are one of them.

1. They live a pessimistic life. Unhappy people view their glass as half empty rather than half full. Everything they do and everything they say is typically negative. They are less likely to find amusement in life's challenges and are definitely not one to laugh at their mistakes.

2. They are judgmental. Those who are unhappy judge other people and place even harsher judgment on themselves. If they make a mistake they beat themselves up inside instead of accepting the fact that everyone has flaws and are human.

3. They worry constantly. People who are unhappy always assume something bad is going to happen to them so they live a life of constant worry and fear. Instead of thinking what might go right, they continuously think about what could go wrong.

4. They avoid whatever frightens them. Anything that is challenging or out of their comfort zone will be avoided at all costs. Unhappy people aren't up to the challenge to take any risks. This means no counseling, no self-help books, and no self-improvement.

5. They hold onto grudges. If someone, somewhere violated them, you can bet an unhappy person will maintain that hatred for life. Forgiveness and forget are not words commonly used in their vocabulary.

6. They fill their conversations with gossip and complaints. The unhappy live in the past. Life's hardships are their conversation of choice. They gossip about other people to make themselves feel better.

7. They believe most people can't be trusted. Unhappy people think everyone is out to get them, even their loved ones. They assume strangers can't be trusted as well. This behavior closes the door on all potential new connections and limits the chances of them making any new friends.

8. They try to control every outcome of their life. Sure, it's okay to try and achieve your goals but in the end there's very little control over what life hands us on a daily basis. Unhappy people try to control every outcome and throw a dramatic tantrum when their plans get changed.

9. They are jealous and compare themselves to others. Those who are unhappy believe there is not enough goodness go around in the world. This leads to resentment of others. Instead of praising other people for their unique talents, they look at them with envy.

10. They are victims. You know when a person is unhappy because they will constantly be complaining that life is hard and the universe hates them. The unhappy tend to see themselves as victims in life. They are always complaining about tough situations rather than finding a solution.

If you think you may be a chronically unhappy person, the good news is you can change. With a positive attitude and guidance from a coach you can begin to live a happier life.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Chronically-Unhappy-People-Are-As-Toxic-As-The-Plague:-Are-You-One?&id=9277371

Stress Management Tips for Managing Stress

Stress consumes your time and energy and weakens your immune system. It causes restlessness, unhappiness, impatience and anger. It can harm your life, ambitions, relationships and health. There is no doubt that it would be much better to live without it.

There are various methods to reduce, control and manage stress. Some stress management techniques may suit some people, and other techniques may suit other people.

In my opinion, one of the best methods for stress management is meditation. It exerts a calming effect on the body, nerves and blood pressure, reduces restlessness, and brings peace of mind, detachment and equanimity.

In order to experience the benefits of meditation, you have to meditate everyday. The problem is that not everyone has the discipline, willpower and desire to meditate, even when realizing the benefits of meditation.

Since this is a short article, I don't intend to analyze the reasons for stress, neither describe the technics for stress management. I only want to suggest a few simple tips to help you reduce stress.

It is not always possible to eliminate the reasons for the stress, but it is possible to act and behave in certain ways that can reduce it. You cannot always control the conditions of your life and circumstances, but you can learn to choose not to be influenced by them too much.

The following tips for stress management serve as first aid against stress. They will not prevent it altogether, but they can reduce or alleviate it.

Tips for stress management:

1. When you feel stress is building up within you, if possible, stop what you are doing and take a short walk.
2. When stressed, drink some water or sweet juice.
3. When under stress, take a few slow deep breaths.
4. Eat some food you like, because food calms down restlessness and nervousness.
5. Listen to melodious, relaxing music or songs.
6. Do something that you like doing.
7. Watch a funny movie or program.
8. Repeat relaxing affirmations (positive statements) for a few minutes, aloud or silently, such as:
   "My mind is getting calm."
   "I am relaxed and happy."
   "I can meet any situation with calmness and inner strength."
   "Everything is going to turn out great."
   "I feel how my body, feelings and mind are getting calmer.
9. Think, and persuade yourself about the futility of stress, and how much it is better to live without it.
10. Do not to allow other people's opinions, words and actions affect you. You can do so, if you keep trying. You can develop this ability by learning emotional detachment.
11. Exercise your body regularly in any kind of sport.

You can manage stress if you put your mind to it.

This requires some effort and time on your part, but the rewards are great.

Follow the tips, and remember that the more peaceful your mind becomes, the less stress you experience. The more inner peace you possess, the less anxiety, stress and fear you experience. Browse through the website, and you will find how to take the first steps to inner peace and stress-free life.

http://www.successconsciousness.com/stress_management_tips.htm

What is Anger and How to Overcome It

Anger comes out as a response to feelings of dissatisfaction, frustration and unhappiness, which usually arise, when we dislike a person, an object or a situation.

It usually appears when we are unable to fulfill our wishes and desires, or when we are forced to do something we dislike doing or we would rather avoid. In such situations, the mind reacts by feeling unhappy and stressed, which leads to anger.

Day-to-day life confronts us with many situations, which can produce anger:

• Your partner, children or friends, often, say or do things that you don't like.
• You want to make yourself a cup of coffee, but discover that you run out of coffee.
• You arrive late to the station, and find that the bus or train has already left.
• You might need to talk to someone, whom you don't like.
• Your plans might not turn out as you wish they would.

All these, and other similar situations, can cause anger. The question is, do you have to react automatically or can you change your reaction and avoid anger? The truth is that you can learn to react differently

Anger is a most negative reaction, and should be avoided as much as possible, if you wish to progress on the path of self improvement. You cannot avoid all the situations that cause anger, however, with some training, you can learn to change your reactions and attitude. You can teach yourself not to get angry.

You need to be aware of the situations that could lead to anger, and be alert enough when you experience them.

You can overcome anger, but this requires some inner work. You don't have to react automatically, you can learn to act consciously and control your reactions.

8 Simple Tips to Overcome Anger

1. When you feel uncomfortable and unhappy, stop what you are doing and visualize some pleasant mental scene from the past. Think of something that made you happy.
2. When you feel that you are getting angry, breathe a few deep breaths. This will delay the anger and calm you down.
3. Count slowly from one to ten. This will delay your angry reaction and weaken it.
4. During your spare time, think about what anger leads to, and how worthwhile it is to avoid it.
5. When feeling angry, drink some water. This has a calming effect on the body, emotions and the mind.
6. Strive to be patient in your day-to-day life. As you become more patient, you will be slower to anger
7. One of the best remedies to anger is emotional detachment. When you are emotionally detached you cannot get angry.
8. Another way to avoid anger is to develop the habit of peace of mind. This orequires some training, but is most worthwhile skill.

http://www.successconsciousness.com/overcoming_anger.htm

The 5 Blocks to Happiness (and How to Overcome Them)

Happiness is such a subjective term. It means so many different things to different people. But there are common blocks that apply to us all, and they may not be what you think. Let me explain.

Most of us think that the blocks to our happiness involve things like not having enough money or being in a bad relationship. Whatever the case may be, we often blame our unhappiness on things and people external to us. But in doing so, we’re completely missing the mark, which is why no matter what we try we stay stuck in our unhappiness. But there’s another solution.

Whenever we are unhappy is can be attributed to one or more of the reasons below. And these are the real blocks to your happiness. But the good news is, because they are within your control to change, your happiness is within your control to improve as well. Let’s take a look at these real blocks to happiness and what you can do about them.

1) Lack of self-worth and self-acceptance: When you lack self-respect and self-love and acceptance what ends up happening is you give your power away to others. You allow others to disrespect you and this causes you to feel frustrated and unhappy. Now, while it may appear like others are treating you badly, the truth is that their behaviour is simply mirroring your own beliefs about yourself. So instead of blaming others for your unhappiness, take responsibility for how you allow others to treat you, and most importantly, how you treat yourself.

Main lesson 1: Take responsibility for your own life. That’s the only way anything will change. See where you are giving your power away and stop. Start talking to yourself, and about yourself, in loving terms and you will see the people and circumstances in your life change for the better too.

Main lesson 2: Set healthy boundaries of what you will and will not accept from others, and then uphold them. When you show others how to respect you, they will respect you. Then make choices about who you want in your life. What are the relationships that matter to you? Which ones are toxic? Know that you have to love the soul but you don’t have to love the behaviour. So make your decisions with love and compassion and know that this doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat. It benefits all when we stand up for ourselves in a healthy way.

2) Lack of confidence; seeking approval. 

When you seek others’ approval to live your life by your own terms you end up chasing after something you may not even want. You allow others to dictate how happy you are based on whether or not they approve of who you are and what you’re doing. In all likelihood, there will always be someone who disagrees with you or doesn’t understand your choices, and if you live your life trying to get everyone to approve of you, you will be wasting a lot of your personal energy. This then depletes your happiness reserve as well. Find your inner confidence, the one where your self-worth doesn’t depend on anyone else’s opinion. Then live your life as you feel is best without apology and without having to defend or justify it to anyone else. Those who really matter in your life will support you either way because they love you either way.

Main lesson 1: Find your inner confidence. While sometimes this seems easier said than done, it is possible if you decide it’s what you want to do. The first step to confidence is acceptance. So accept yourself as you are right now and even where you are right now. You are exactly where you need to be for your personal journey. You were made exactly as you needed to be for your personal purpose. So don’t discount your worth and don’t compare yourself to others. We each have our own path in life, sometimes they intersect, and sometimes they don’t, but either way, we each are valuable just as we are.

Main lesson 2: Own your choices. Know your motivations and do your best to ensure your choices are proactive and loving and aligned with your truest desires (rather than your ego’s desires). Then you will always have the confidence to follow through on those choices and you will no longer fear making mistakes because you will realize that when your choices are rooted in love, there are no such things as mistakes; only learning opportunities. So stop questioning yourself and start taking action towards your best life now.

3) Lack of authentic direction; following the whims of your ego that are inspired by competition and a lack mentality. When you are thinking in terms of what you think you don’t have that others do, you are aligning yourself with lack of happiness and lack in general. When you chase after dreams that are based on filling a perceived void with things external to you, like material things or even relationships, then you are looking for happiness in the wrong places. It’s not the things or the people that are the issue; it’s always the motivation and intentions behind your drive that matter most. Find your inner happiness center and all those externals will become compliments to your life rather than what you depend on for your joy.

Main lesson 1: Know what you want and why. Decipher between your authentic and inauthentic desires. To do this you simply need to pay attention to how you are feeling about your desires. Are you feeling a lack that you feel you need to fill, a desperation of sorts? Or are you feeling peaceful and excited to manifest what you already know is yours and within your capabilities to do, be, and have? Your motives and intentions are what determine the tone of your life experiences. If you can figure out the “what” and then the “why,” you will be ahead of the curve in living the life of your dreams. And the best part is that you will be doing so from a place of joy and inner confidence rather than a place of stress and uncertainty.

Main lesson 2: Often unhappiness stems from feelings of “not enough.” When you feel lack in your life it causes you to feel depressed and lonely. But you can change that by adopting an attitude of abundance. Now this doesn’t mean pretending to be something or someone you’re not. All it means is becoming more appreciative and observant of what you already have in your life right now. When you are appreciating, that means you are not depreciating. So no matter how small you think it is, find something to be grateful for right now, and build on that feeling by seeing the world as your oyster.

4) Lack of higher purpose and grander goals and visions. When you lack purpose you lack direction and it’s much easier to get swept up in the ways of the ego that cause your unhappiness. That’s why it’s so important to figure out what drives you, what you are passionate about, and what purpose you’re driven towards. Figuring out your purpose and who you are at your core is extremely important to your level of happiness.

Main lesson 1: In order to find your purpose, which will ultimately bring you immense joy and satisfaction, simply ask yourself a series of questions like, “What do I feel called to do in my life? What am I passionate about? What qualities do I have that can be valued and shared with the world? What am I exceptionally good at? What kind of person do I want to be? What do I want my legacy to be?”

Main lesson 2: But remember that your purpose is something you infuse into everything you do and everything you are. It’s not just about your vocation. It’s about what fuels you in every area of your life. Look to your passions and truest desires and there you will find your purpose.

5) Lack of priorities; misguided and scattered energy. You need to define what happiness means to you personally and then prioritize those things, people, and activities that mean the most to you. Then make time for it all. It’s about balance and delegation where necessary. It’s about finding your inner Zen, which gives you the energy and strength for everything you need to accomplish in life.

Main lesson 1: What’s important to you? If you strip away all the distractions in your life for one moment, what are you left with? Why are you doing all of this in the first place? Figure out what’s most important to you and then make sure you make it a priority in your life.

Main lesson 2: Understand that being balanced in your life is extremely important to your overall happiness and well-being. That doesn’t mean that sometimes certain things won’t grab at your attention more than others. It simply means that if you look at each year or even each month of your life, for instance, that you’ll be able to say that you gave every area of your life its fair dues. It means that you realize that life is not a dress rehearsal and that you get out of it what you put into it. So learn to prioritize and you will no longer feel the pains of regret for days gone by where you didn’t do what you really wanted to do. Make this life and every moment count and you’ll be happier for it.

So these are the 5 blocks to your happiness. They may not be the most obvious blocks, but guaranteed, they are key factors in how happy your life will be. So figure out which of these blocks apply to you and then choose to do something about it. Know that patchwork never works in the long run and so if you want to truly be happy from the inside-out, you’re going to have to address these issues in one way or another. But it’s always your choice and that’s the most empowering part!

http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/the-5-blocks-to-happiness-and-how-to-overcome-them/

The One Thing You Need to Do to Find Real Happiness

 Discover an underrated key to contentment.

Our minds create many thoughts that can lead to our being unhappy, the key phrase being, our minds create. The thoughts and beliefs that we hold affect everything about us. in most of the developed world, people are consumed by consumerism. So much of our unhappiness comes from wishing that things were different, wishing that we had something else instead of what we do have.
I remember meeting a woman once who had a beautiful daughter. She was very happy with her daughter, but she really wanted another child. Even though her husband and daughter loved her, she was utterly unhappy because she didn't have a second child. All of her mental energy, all of her mental commentary, went toward that focus and because of that, she suffered greatly. Those of us not in her situation may think that’s funny, or odd, but her story is a lesson I hope can encourage all of us to spend some time, maybe even at this very moment, to reflect upon the question, “In my own life, what am I focused on that I don’t have?

I can guarantee that if we focus on what we don’t have, we’re going to be unhappy, and we’re going to suffer. Our unhappiness can stem from anything that we’re focusing on. Maybe we think we’ll be happy when we lose those extra 50 pounds. Maybe happiness will come when we reach a certain financial level. Maybe when we get that promotion. Maybe we’ll finally be happy when we meet our soul mate and begin a new life together. Or maybe, when we have a child, then we’ll finally be happy. The list can become endless because the moment we fulfill one of our desires, a new one takes its place, and we just continue to suffer. We may want to be healthy, we may want to get a better grade at school, we may want our first car—the list can be endless.
In many ways, our lives are like that of the mythological king Sisyphus, sentenced to the eternal punishment of rolling a large boulder up a hill. But every time he reached the top, the boulder would roll back down, and he would have to start all over again; it never ended. I think sometimes our minds are like that—they just don’t stop. No matter what we desire or wish for, at any age, something else will come along and we’ll say, “Now I want that.” It’s almost shocking if you think about it, and it can continue throughout our lives.
Young children, for example, can’t wait to get presents on their birthday or Christmas morning. But often, and shockingly fast, they tire of their new toys and move on to something else. Does this really ever change? As we get older, our new toys become bigger and grander—a car, a home, a spouse—and yet we can still tire of them and move on. We want something different, something more.
We’re unhappy with what we have, and we’re always yearning after something different.
How do we get off this continuous and debilitating treadmill? Is there any freedom from our Sisyphean task? Yes—and it’s actually shockingly simple. All we have to do is be happy with what we have.
Again: All we have to do is be happy and be focused on what we have right here, right now.
But how do we do this in our daily life, when our minds so quickly tend to want to focus again on what we don’t have? A lot of it has to do with realizing that this type of thinking is not going to help us. We have to really believe that focusing on what we don’t have is going to cause us suffering. We have to believe that focusing on what we do have right now, what we’re blessed with, is going to put a smile on our face. In many ways, this is as powerful as E=MC², and just as beautiful and simple. All we have to do is focus on what we have and not focus on what we don’t have. We have to be happy with what we have and not think about what we don’t have.
It’s that simple, that elegant, and that beautiful.
We have to realize that this changed philosophy isn't going to make the marketers and advertisers of the world very happy. They spend billions of dollars trying to get us to be unhappy with how things are now, so that we’ll want something different, so that we’ll feel “less than." Otherwise, we’re not going to spend money to buy what they’re selling. I don’t want to blame it only on the marketers, though. We’re just as guilty because we do the same thing to ourselves: We think about what other people have—success, possessions, love, whatever it may be. And because we’re thinking about what they have and what we don’t, we become unhappy. What if, instead, we focused on all the beautiful things that we have in our lives? Some of us may have less than others, but we can all still have a beautiful life.
If you don’t know this about me already, I really love to spend time at monasteries. When you choose to live a monastic life, you give up just about everything. Yet the people who live these simple lives are often the happiest people I have ever met in my entire life. They can have virtually nothing, as we know it, and still focus on what they do have. They may not have material possessions, but they have a love of life, right here, right now—and they’re very happy.
Why can’t we do the same? Why can’t we focus on what we do have? Maybe we have a beautiful family, even though we might not have the nicest house in the neighbourhood. Maybe we don’t feel very well physically sometimes, but we are free and able to go for walks in nature and can enjoy being outside. Maybe we haven’t yet found the love of our life, but we have friends who care about us whom we get to spend time with. The list of things we do have can go on for a long time if we start focusing on them and celebrating them. Again, it doesn't have to be much: Just going for a walk in the early morning, when everything is peaceful and still, can bring us happiness beyond our wildest imagination. Just connecting with friends can be more valuable than staying at the world's grandest hotel. The list of what we do have and what we can focus on can go on and on. By realizing what we have instead of focusing on what we don’t, we discover one of the key secrets of happiness.
Once we do this, then we can live a beautiful, happy, fulfilled life
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meditation-modern-life/201407/the-one-thing-you-need-do-find-real-happiness