Who's In Charge In Your Life? (by Jessica J Lockhart)

Whatever we chose to do in life, we chose it because we expect to gain something in exchange. If I snap at my daughter when she does something wrong, I do it because I expect her to change her behavior. When I let others tell me what to do, I accept it because I expect them to guide me better than I would. When I drink too much it is because I want to forget or have fun. We all do it. We do things because we expect rewards: good ones or bad ones, pleasure or pain. We do things to obtain pleasure. We do things to avoid pain. We provoke situations that will hopefully yield what we think we want or need. A baby cries when asking for something. An adult insults, teases or praises others because he or she wants something, too.

Most of us are not aware of our doing this when pain is involved. We don't realize that we're doing things to avoid an even greater pain. Let me illustrate it. Some people put up with a job they hate or an abusive boss because the pain of being rejected somewhere else would be too big. Or because the pain of being unemployed would hurt too much. They'd rather put up with the pain of their nasty days than risk suffering even more.

In that sense, we're all in charge of our own lives and decisions. We all choose what we have.

When the choosing is consciously done, we are in charge. When we are not aware that we are choosing, we become victims. We blame others. We think the world is doing that to us.

In the example I mentioned above, staying at that job out of fear without realizing that we are choosing to do so turns us into victims. We feel sorry for ourselves. We let others decide for us. And resent them for it. We feel powerless. But there always is a choice. Always. Even in the worst circumstances. Even in the most abusive ones. And whenever we do the choosing, we stop being victims and take control of our lives.

Another example I'd like to give you has to do with me. Quite a few years ago I had some car accidents (yes, in the plural) that really damaged my back and kept me in me acute, chronic pain on both legs and my back for seven whole years, every single day. I could barely walk and my doctors told me that a wheelchair was unavoidable. One could argue that I was the victim because the accidents hadn't been provoked by me. I'd say that my victimization started the moment I didn't accept my situation and decided to suffer from it.

But as soon as I chose to control my life even under those circumstances, I stopped being the victim. I couldn't walk everyday, true, but I could do tons of things still. And I did. I also found new doctors and let go of my old way of life.

Today I am still disabled and enjoy a magnificent, very fulfilling life. Yes, there are days when I'm in physical pain and can't walk or do walk with a sever limp. But I am alive and happy.

Some people say that I resign myself to my new life style. I disagree. Resignation would be accepting my reality and nothing else. But I'm proactively improving it. That's the key, the difference. I choose to improve my life every day, to enjoy it every minute, even when in pain. That is my choice. That is why I'm not a victim but in control.

I refuse to be a victim of my circumstances again. I am not my circumstances. And circumstances can always be changed. I choose pleasure, not pain. Even if the pain looks familiar.

What do you choose?

Enjoy life... ALL of it,

http://ezinearticles.com/?Whos-In-Charge-In-Your-Life?&id=9966665

Does Your Past Hold You Back? What Keeps You Trapped?

Your expectations may be flawed

When you have experienced a serious setback or life-changing event, it is natural to feel vulnerable, fearful, angry and hurt. You may be thinking, Why has this happened to me? Why did he do this to me? I did not deserve this. It should not have happened. A loving God would not have allowed it.

Hidden within such questions are expectations that are not necessarily realistic. For example, that life and people are always fair, that anybody is exempt from hardship and strife, that there is always an obvious reason for why things happen. And as for God... who knows what he/she would or wouldn't do?

Poisoned by blame

Seeking someone or something to blame is a common response to difficult events. But blame keeps you focused on the past. It keeps you in a state of helpless anger. It may also serve as justification for not getting on with life. Even if your hardships were due to other people's faults, meanness or carelessness, don't let it trap you into hate and thoughts of revenge. Hard as it may be, the past has to be accepted as a fact. This does not excuse or minimise what happened but only by taking responsibility for yourself from now on, do you have a chance of becoming free.

Stuck in analysis paralysis

The question 'why' is so seductive that we often get stuck searching for an explanation. But sometimes it is simply not possible to find one. Many events are so random that it defies explanation. You may have been born into difficult circumstances. Perhaps you were at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people? If you can't find a satisfactory explanation for past events, accept the uncertainty, let the past be the past and turn to the future.

Tripped up by hindsight

I should have known better... I should have seen it coming... Speculating about what you should or could have done in the past is a form of self-sabotage. Clairvoyants may have the ability to look into the future and foresee other people's actions. But usually people do the best they can with what they've got at the time. Speculative hindsight only keeps you focused on the problem rather than looking for solutions to your predicament.

Stinkin' thinkin'

Anticipating a terrible future, catastrophising, black-and-white thinking, 'shoulda, woulda, coulda', are very convincing thoughts and seem so true. However, most of the time they are unrealistic, over-dramatic, fear-based or simply wrong. They also close you off from seeing new options and stepping forward. Replace stinkin' thinkin' with thoughts that are realistic, life-affirming and helping you find a way forward.

Resisting or denying your pain

When pain gets too overwhelming, it's common to seek relief and avoid feeling it: Ignoring or numbing it with alcohol, drugs (legal and illegal), sex, workaholism, excessive use of technology etc. However, until you honestly look at your pain, it will hold you in its grip. The only way to resolve painful feelings is to feel and acknowledge them, understand their context and accept them as a wound from the past that no longer needs to hold you back. Then you can take positive steps to heal.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Does-Your-Past-Hold-You-Back?-What-Keeps-You-Trapped?&id=9718974

Message From the Universe: Treasuring Your Life Today

"It's all so precious, and hopelessly romantic...

I mean, just look around you right now. In your office, your neighborhood, down the street. There are people, right? Friends or maybe complete strangers. 7 billion people in all.

And every single one of them have forks in the road of life, just up ahead, that even now swiftly approach. Adventures and choices that will take them, at least temporarily, out of sight, beyond reach, and eventually closer to "home." Yet until then, they're so incredibly near, you have so much in common, and there are still stories to tell.

Treasure every beautiful second.

Love, love - 

The Universe"

We have all experienced loss in our lives, such as a loss of a friend, or family member and even pets. The pain can be unbearable and sometimes last a while. They go live a better life where we are left behind mourning our loved ones. Prior to their moment of death, they are probably asking themselves a few questions, such as: "Did I fully live my life? Did I do everything I wanted to do? Did I spend enough time with my loved ones? Did I failed them? Should have I put more energy in spending time with them? How can I get back that lost time?". Their last moment on earth was about regrets not doing the things that were really important. Unfortunately, there is no turning back time as you can't really fix what was already done. If you feel something is odd with your life, it is OK to change the things you do not like. It is never too late.

Learn from the ones who feels regret for not living their live to the fullest. Everyone will tell you not to hold off to the things you want to do because you do not have enough of this or that or anything else. You want to take advantage of every single moment you have on earth so you do not feel any regret in the future. Avoid using the terms "would have or should have or whatever else" as they represent regrets. If you want to start your business, then go ahead. If you want to go back to school to enhance your education, go for it. If you want to get married tomorrow, well, make sure you know him or her very well first. Nevertheless, you need to just do what you feel will make you happy. Don't wait for that perfect moment, or the perfect timing or anything of that sort. These moments tend to never show up, so don't waste your life waiting on them. Life is too short for that.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-Treasuring-Your-Life-Today&id=9763926

No Matter What, Keep Growing (By Esther R. Kane)

On a sunny spring day recently, I was lost in sea of dark thoughts and feeling stuck emotionally and thought that a nice walk around my neighbourhood would help shift things. As soon as I got out my front door, I was met with the magnificent sight of cherry blossoms from all the gorgeous blooming trees. The petals were gently falling to the ground, creating the effect of a sweet smelling pink snow all around me. Then came the flowers. Since it's my first spring living in Victoria, I cannot possibly describe in words how magnificent the flowers here are. Suffice it to say, it's like living in a children's wonderland full of bright, happy colours sprinkled all over the place smiling at everyone who passes by. I was struck by the fact that perennial flowers continue to grow, spring after spring, year after year, regardless of how tough the winter which proceeded them happened to be. And then...

I saw this single word painted on a flower box -GROW- reminding all of us- flowers, trees, animals and humans- to GROW. I knew in that moment that I had the fodder for an article to share with you, my lovely readers. This bright and uplifting flower box so graciously shared with passers-by reminded me to remind you of this one important thing:

REGARDLESS OF WHAT HAPPENS AROUND US, TO THOSE WE CARE ABOUT, AND TO OURSELVES, WE ALWAYS HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP GROWING AND MOVING FORWARD.

In my therapy practice, I'm blessed and honoured to witness many women's stories; many of them filled with extreme pain and suffering. Many come to therapy because they want to grow from their suffering and view their challenging circumstances as a very difficult, yet important, growth opportunity. The best way of describing this process I've ever found is in Elizabeth Lesser's book, Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow. I wrote an in-depth article about this fabulous book a few years ago.

Resisting the Urge To Bolt

One of my favourite quotes of all time is from the brilliant Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron who tells us:

Never underestimate the urge to bolt.

I have read this sentiment in a number of her books, my personal favourite being, The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness In Difficult Times. One of the greatest messages of this book is to not shut down when the going gets tough- to make a conscious and courageous choice when you feel like bolting (i.e., running away) from the pain/challenge/difficulty before you to STAY. This particular piece of wisdom also applies to working through anxiety and is the foundation of specific therapeutic modalities designed to help people rid themselves of various fears and phobias. It also happens to be the most difficult choice you can make. However, like most difficult tasks, it can also be one of the most rewarding and life changing.

I will illustrate what this looks like by giving you an example...

One of my clients (let's call her Liz), in her early thirties, really wanted a solid, long-term relationship, which included having children. She had been in multiple relationships over the years, never making it past the two-year mark. She told me that in the past three relationships, they all lasted just roughly under two years and that in each case, the man she was dating wanted to marry her. She sat in the seat across from me in tears as she told me that each of these men was decent, kind, and loving and would have made a great husband and father. In retrospect, she was certain that she would have had a really good life with any of the three. The problem was that in every relationship, when things started to get really serious and the man worked up the guts to ask her to marry him, she completely panicked and ended the relationship immediately. She felt awful for breaking three different men's hearts, while also ending up completely confused by her reaction in each case. When the crying subsided a bit, she looked me in the eye and asked:

Esther, why do I push what I really want away every time it comes to me? I really do want to be married and have children with a good man. I've had three separate chances at having that and I've blown each one. I'm not a stupid person so why would I do something that is the complete opposite of what I really want?

I responded with:

The choices you made in each of these situations has nothing to do with how intelligent you are. When you go into fight or flight mode (i.e., the urge to bolt), it's your primitive brain at work. Your nervous system senses some impending danger and reacts in that moment in an attempt to keep you safe. For some reason, when a man asks you to marry him and have a family together, your primitive brain registers this as dangerous...

This discussion led us to investigating the theme of marriage and family life in her family-of-origin and the leftover 'unfinished emotional business' she was carrying around as a result. When viewed at from this particular lens, her urge to bolt from the whole prospect made a lot of sense. In short, her father was a violent alcoholic who abused her mother and was an absent parent, leaving her mother on her own to raise four children. Her mother ended up in a deep depression when the kids were young and was in and out of the psych ward for years after. Liz was the eldest and became the 'mini mom' when their mother was unavailable due to her mental health issues and ended up missing out on a lot of a carefree childhood as a result.

The warrior-level work Liz then embarked upon focused on facing her childhood squarely, without blinders on and sitting with the emotions it brought up. This proved incredibly challenging for her because she considered herself a happy-go-lucky person who had 'nothing to complain about' when she saw people around her who had been through 'much worse things'. As it is with most of us, we're very good at showing compassion towards others who are suffering, but have a very difficult time doing the same for ourselves. I gently but firmly guided Liz to practice sitting with her inner little girl who was feeling really sad and scared and felt she had nowhere to turn with the pain she was experiencing.

She showed immense courage and even though it was extremely difficult, she sat in my office, week after week and practiced staying with that little girl even when she desperately wanted to run away. After a while, she got in touch with her pain and I gave her some tools to comfort herself when it came up and to remind herself that she was an adult now and that she was safe and had lots of places and people to turn to in times of great anguish.

She wrote a series of letters to her father (all unsent- read here for how to do this), expressing her anger towards how he treated her mother and her frustration at his addiction to alcohol. She wrote about what he had taught her about men and marriage and raising children and how this had become an impediment to her getting married and raising a family. She told him that she had learned to 'keep herself safe' from getting into the same situation as her mother by pushing any man away who wanted to marry her. She wrote it all out, felt many different feelings, all with courageous honesty. Then she let things sit for a while.

A couple of years later, she sent me an email to let me know that she had learned to stay and not bolt with good men and that she had recently got married to a fantastic guy and was pregnant with her first child. She was still fearful, but at the same time, optimistic about the possibility of having the partner and family she had always wanted.

http://ezinearticles.com/?No-Matter-What,-Keep-Growing&id=9730452

Fear Doesn't Get to Win, and Pain Is Only Temporary (By Julie Martino)

Let me start by saying I've been called psycho or crazy for my radical beliefs all my life. So, if you feel you need to join the ranks of those who say such things, good for you - but they aren't going to upset or affect me. My words are for those who understand and need to hear what I'm saying.

I've lived through basically everything. In one form or another, I've experienced it all. I've been the misfit in the back of the room hoping no one notices me. I've been the popular leader feeling the pressure of everyone counting on me. I've led teams, and I've been the laborer.

I've endure abuse, verbal and emotional strain, loss, rejection, despair, depression, hope and fear.

I've experienced the loss of a child, through a still birth. Divorce through a broken alcoholic filled marriage. And raising numerous children through less than stellar circumstances.

I've known financial windfalls and deep down falls. I've carried my own house, paid for private schools, and also known the welfare line and food pantries.

And I'm here to tell you - it's ALL survivable!

Whatever you are going through today. Whatever wall seems to be looming in front of you. Whatever 'impossible' thing you feel you are enduring - you'll make it through!

Television, newspapers, people, politicians, every day people focus on fear and how hard things are - there's no way - it's impossible - it's gonna hurt - it's gonna be hard.

Yeah, it will be. And you'll sweat. And you'll cry. And you'll hurt.

But you WILL survive!!

And you will be STRONGER!

And you will LEARN!

You'll get past this and discover a strength in yourself you never knew you had, but better than that - you'll LEARN about yourself and life and choices so that you can do better from here on out.

This really will pass - and you will triumph in life! Keep going! Don't EVER give up on YOU!!!

Told you I was radical. But it's what you needed to hear. In the midst of all the daily stress and pressures of life, someone needs to be the voice in the crowd crying out - It'll be OK!

And that's me. Your personal cheerleader. I know you hurt. I know it feels too heavy. I know you've been here before and you hate it and you wish it would all just stop. You're gonna make it. You can do this. I BELIEVE IN YOU!! You're tougher than you think you are and you can endure.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Fear-Doesnt-Get-to-Win,-and-Pain-Is-Only-Temporary&id=8408040

An Ounce Of Help Is Better Than A Pound Of Preaching

It's very difficult to console someone who is down. Criticism won't help but a listening heart can. Feeling what someone else is going through is already a comfort. Understanding and empathy is better than a pound of preaching because of a mistake. Blaming won't help either. Though, it's easier to find fault with other people but it's different when your compassion is what they needed.

Acknowledge that you understand the person's feelings. Sometimes people want to seek advice or a solution to their problem. But as seen, they usually want to vent their feelings. This is especially true for women. So, just listen. Let that the other person to talk, so that they can sort their feelings themselves; they may not even be able to articulate why they're feeling down, unless you draw it out of them.

Never minimize their pain or try to cheer them up. When faced with tears, sometimes we insist that whatever they're upset about is no big deal. Don't trivialize their experience, but walk through it with them. Put yourself on their shoes so that you can easily understand what they've been through. Words may not be that trivial but the way you respond to a situation matters.

Sometimes people don't want to talk and just want to be held in silence. They also just want to feel that they are not alone. So, your presence is already enough to comfort them. Even if you won't offer consoling words, the mere fact that you stay with them is already a relief.

In such circumstance, the person typically feels better after having shared the burden in their heart, and the pain fades eventually. Having someone who is willing to listen and will never judge you despite your flaws is a gift. How on earth I survive life's struggle if I don't have a friend whom I can lean on especially when I am so down and depressed.

Money is nothing compared to a friend who can help you without extending any monetary budget to you. If a problem is not resolve yet, she can offer you a solution to improve the situation without pressuring you to do it. She always listens. Even if she also has problems of her own.

With someone who's sad not because of an isolated event, but because they suffer from disappointments, just talk to her and listen. Excess rumination is not only ineffective in alleviating depressed feelings, it can also worsen them.

Scolding and preaching won't help a person who is in pain. Just let the person know that you understand what they're going through, that you're sorry they're going through it, and that your shoulder is always available for them to cry one and that's enough.

http://ezinearticles.com/?An-Ounce-Of-Help-Is-Better-Than-A-Pound-Of-Preaching&id=9774780

To Be Successful, Be Prepared To Be Doubted

In truth, to be successful, we have to be prepared to be doubted and often lose before even truly win. Success is a lifelong journey to walk on and ascent. While most of us begin our journey on what seems a smooth road, it quickly changes, bringing us uninvited turns, and unknown ups and downs.

So, how do you keep going? How can you deal with the pain, doubt, and criticism? In what way could you ever cope with failure? Is it worth all the trouble?

Well, if you want to succeed you must be prepared for any eventuality and have the resilience to face the inevitable. To be successful, you always have to take risks, change, adjust and self-develop. It is a pathway of personal growth that teaches you to deal with pain, doubt, and failure. You learn that you have to get up each time and push forward.

In any case, when you want to be successful, just be prepared because you will be doubted and tested beyond reason. An important advice is once you begin following your path, you want to fail as fast as you can because if you do not, those failures may become more costly later on.

But success can be achieved! There are countless of diverse possibilities, and where there is a will, there is a way. The world's most successful people often speak about their journeys. They even share their thoughts on how to realize it, and on how to reach it.

"Learning from the worst of times will prepare you for the best of times." - Billy Cox

The First Lesson to Be Successful

Ask any successful person, and they will tell you that for any significant accomplishment they have made, they had to undergo countless of failures. Failures are a way to know how to progress. They are lessons that lead us to be successful, but many do not always see failure in that way.

Often than not, failing is an undesirable vibe. Yet, failure is indeed essential to be successful at something. Most people never experience such feelings because they fear failure like a disease. But you should embrace failure. Yes, no one says it is easy, but it shows that you at least had the balls to try.

Therefore, when you want something, you must be willing to sacrifice and fail to acquire it. It is not an option you can avoid. When failure happens over and over, it can be very discouraging, but it is also the reason why most accomplished people are mentally strong. They never underestimate failures but rather know that they are the laying groundwork to win later.

Be Prepared to Feel Pain

To be successful, you must travel through a painful journey. You need to agree to take suffering as your traveling companion, because resisting it is futile and generate more difficulties. Feeling pain is an unconditional part if you want to pursue success. Just know that every painful story has the probability of reaching a fruitful conclusion.

Doubt and pressure are inevitable. Both stimulate you to make changes, this way teaching you what you need to reach success. At times, stress can drive you in the right direction. So, see each day as a blessing with brand-new odds and opportunities to continue forward.

Be Prepared to Be Doubted

Now, when you want to be successful, you should always keep your dreams close to you because when you share or talk about them, cynics and critics begin to appear. The reason being is that those people are too scared to pursue their own dreams, so they try to crush yours.

It is the way most human beings are when one is trying to be successful. So, avoid those negative thoughts as they are extremely contagious. A lot of closed-minded people will doubt you, try to scare you and even discourage you from going after your dreams.

Therefore, you need to be immune to these impacts when you are on your quest for to be successful. Work in silence and let your success speak. Just prove these naysayers wrong. You may not succeed the first time around, and it also may not happen for the first five times but do not stop until you do.

"The successful warrior is the average man, with laser-like focus." -Bruce Lee

To Be Successful Is a Choice

To be successful is a choice, and of course, it is all yours to make. Let me remind you that while you walk on your journey to success, you will at times find yourself in a floating or random direction. You then will experience powerful instants of feeling lost and desperate. And it is in these times that you must hold tight and get control of your willpower.

You need to be prepared to battle that tiny voice inside your head when you have to push yourself to keep doing what you do not feel like doing. When things look grim, you may feel like quitting, but it is the fastest way to ruin your chances. When you are on the front lines or in awkward moments, keep at it, rather than quitting. So, when wanting to be successful, you must persevere and rise.

"Don't limit yourself. Many people limit themselves to what they think they can do. You can go as far as your mind lets you. What you believe, you can achieve." -Mary Kay Ash

Be Ready to Doubt Yourself

As you begin on the road to success, you find that you have feelings of being entirely paralyzed at times. The reason is that you doubt yourself. Every so often, you doubt your abilities, knowledge, or choices you have already made. You may even doubt your intuition.

Doubt creates a conflict within you over what choice you have to make to move forward. You should not delay because of thinking you might carry out the wrong decisions. To be successful, you have to push through any doubt you have and not allow it to distract you.

Know that the only wrong choice is not making one. You have the option not to doubt yourself so that you can grow and achieve. Doubts are an unavoidable part of being successful. The crucial part is that you act despite your fears.

"If you really look closely, most overnight successes took a long time." -Steve Jobs

Be Prepared to Lose Relationships

On your path to success, you should realize that some friends, relatives or loved ones will not be willing to support you. Wanting to be successful takes an incredible amount of energy, effort, and sacrifice. So be prepared as most of your relationships will not tolerate it, because they might feel like you owe them more of your time and effort.

All accomplished individuals make tremendous sacrifices to get to where they want to be. They trust that their friends, relatives, and loved ones will be beside while on their journey and support the sacrifices which they have to make.

You have to be prepared to lose relationships with the people who do not avidly share in your dreams. As you go along the road to success, your path will narrow down, and a handful of relations will fall off of it.

Be Willing to Be Hated for No Reason

The truth is that most people do not like successful people. Ordinary people hate the ones who have or do everything they cannot. Envy and jealousy always play along when standing out of the crowd and humbly chasing your dreams.

So, if you want to be successful, be willing to be hated for no reason. Strange as it is, no matter who you are or what you do, there will always be a certain amount of people who will not like you. But success is your biggest revenge. Therefore, learn to let your haters make you even greater.

To Be Successful Is Worth All the Trouble

To achieve anything and be successful, you have to believe in what you are doing. You have to know beyond doubt that you can and will succeed, and you have to trust the process. Anything can be accomplished when the right thoughts and actions are united. Success is worth all the trouble!

"Define success on your own terms, achieve it by your own rules, and build a life you're proud to live." -Anne Sweeney

So, the lesson here is that you need to become stronger from your failures, not weaker. Analyze why you failed. See what is wrong and what is right. Make an evaluation of your skills in the areas needed for you to be successful. Adjust your sails and keep moving forward.

Obstacles, walls, and failures are nothing but other necessary elements for your success. It all starts with you. While you see that to be successful, you have to make sacrifices, keep the focus on your vision and trust in the process; it still all worth it in the end anyway. Tomorrow may never come; so start today.

http://ezinearticles.com/?To-Be-Successful,-Be-Prepared-To-Be-Doubted&id=9789321

Don't Live a Leftover Life

After a big family meal there are always plenty of leftovers which are wonderful for the next day. All these delicious foods keep you from having to cook for a day or two. BUT a life that is left over from all the emotions, pain, worry of the past is not something that we enjoy. Although we don't like our leftover lives, we continue on with them because of habit.

Our thoughts are habits, our beliefs and the expectations around our beliefs are habit too. We've been living this way for so long we don't even realize how we are limiting ourselves to experience the same type of life we've always had. In order to change up the daily life experience we must start fresh. Like cooking a new meal includes new ingredients, so must you have new ingredients for a new life.

What are these new ingredients? Are you aware of what you think all day long, each and every day? Pay attention to what is going on in your head. Stop numerous times each day and tune in, listen to the conversation going on between your ears. Are you surprised? If you are totally honest with yourself about what you are thinking throughout the day you will be shocked. Recently I read a report that discovered that we are "conscious", aware of what we are actually thinking, believing and doing, only about 5% of the time. It went on to state that 95% of our beliefs are subconscious, meaning we are not even noticing them or aware of their power in our lives. It further stated that 70% of these beliefs do NOT support the changes we want in our lives, rather, they sabotage our dreams!

Here is where creating a new life begins, in your head, between your ears. Without weeding out the old beliefs and planting new ideas there that actually support the life you want, you will continue with a left over life. New ideas are plentiful so look around for one that actually represents what you want.

If you are struggling with prosperity don't simply think you want more money. Imagine wealth. What does it look like, feel like? How do you enjoy being wealthy? If you are struggling with body size don't just wish to weigh less. Replace those beliefs about how food makes you fat with ideas of being slimmer and eating food that delights you and fuels your body with perfect health.

Within your right now is all the power you need to create the life you dream of. Go within and add all the ingredients that will result in a fantastic adventure.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Dont-Live-a-Leftover-Life&id=9621873

Hide Not From Pain

I think we are lied to growing up. I remember being fully aware that happiness is the ultimate goal in life, and that anything that hurts, anything that may momentarily bring us pain or discomfort, gets in the way. It feels as though happiness is painted as some end goal, some treasure that we can reach through years and years of seeking. Unfortunately, not only is this fundamentally false at every angle, but it is this sole belief, that happiness is something we can achieve, and that pain is in its way, that actually prevents us from feeling happy.

Happiness is a feeling, just like anger, hunger, and everything else we experience between our ears. The notion that happiness can be found, like some sort of Indiana Jones's quest is glamorizing and heartwarming to hold onto as truth, but it is erroneous in its claims. The 9 year sitcom, One Tree Hill, explains this when a character named Julian states that, "Happiness is not a destination. It is a mood, it is not permanent. It comes and goes and if people thought that way then maybe people would find happiness more often."

A common belief that I hear way too often from people my age is that money, a family, a home, or (insert material object here) is the key to happiness, and that they won't be happy until that achieve that. This, as unfortunately I have learned, and they will too, is also an error in thinking. Time magazine states that, there is an median amount of money that produces happiness in terms of an ease of mind and lack of financial stress, but anything above this amount does not directly correlate to more happiness.

Another factor in this is the Adaptation Theory. The Adaptation Theory, at a basic level, essentially states that we are constantly evolving in response to changes in our environment. We adapt, it is an essential human trait, but it has a flip side. We don't feel the same way about our partners as we did in the beginning (relationships grow and evolve, which is another topic for another time), the object we bought does not excite us as it once did, or the home we have has become regular as days have passed. This is why we don't see a higher amount of happiness among the rich than we do amount the middle class, because we adapt to our situations. This means that the end result of achieving some feat that we have set our minds in does not give us life long happiness, but momentary happiness (which is also a good thing).

The great author Ryan Holiday shares this idea when he states, "When we are young and ambitious we are susceptible to what psychologists would call the belief in "conditional happiness." That if we get this, earn that, win this, get promoted to that, marry this or sleep with that, we will suddenly be happy. That we will suddenly feel good about ourselves if we get this good thing. It's only with time and the good fortune required to get those things that we begin to understand that this is a seductive and unreachable mirage. As soon as we get those things, we want other things-or they turn out to be disappointing or complicated. We expect that they will be free of our current problems but they aren't because we bring our problems to them (and create new problems along with them)."

On the flip side, pain, and situations that seemingly inhibit our happiness are not as bad as they have been stated to be. In fact, it is as a result of this pain, that we become better, happier, and more competent human beings. Pain in our society can be seen in many forms. It is physical, as we all know, but it is also emotional or mental, such as discomfort, and it is even situational, such as something, "bad" happening to you.

Unfortunately, we have structured our society around complete avoidance of pain. We have climate controlled environments in every structure we spend time in, we have pain reducing medication on hand at every corner, we even have fancy shoes and clothing to prevent any discomfort. This is a falsity, this idea that we can live without pain or discomfort, that we can create a world that fits on demands. As The Tools co-author Barry Michels states in an interview about how discomfort is what forces us to exit our comfort zones, "Life is painful, life is uncertain, and life requires ceaseless effort."

Social psychologist Brock Bastian states that this avoidance of pain is the reason that we have began raising our children differently as time has passed. To summarize a point he made in his Ted Talk "Why we need pain to feel happiness", Bastian states that we have, over time, raised our average grades handed out in schools from B's and C's, to A's. This is not due to smarter youth, but to a system created to attempt to alleviate any discomfort from their lives. He goes on to state that this protection of youth from discomfort is the sole reason we so so many young adults are struggling when they reach independence, why their is a rise in narcissistic personality traits, and a rise in anxiety and depression-related illnesses. By protecting our loved ones from pain, we are preventing them from building "physiological immunity".

It has long been understood that having tough times makes us better individuals. Epictetus, the ancient Greek Philosopher, stated, "Difficulties are things that show what men are." His Stoic counterpart, Seneca, had his own quote about difficulties, where he said, "Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body." I used to curse the sky that I was born into the life I led. I allowed envy to soak into my veins that other children had happy families, that other children didn't suffer with weight issues, that other children were "normal". Now, as I reflect on who I am, it is exactly those times that have shaped me. I would not be who I am if I didn't develop mental fortitude by watching my parents live the way they did, by living at the bottom of the food chain in school, by having my heart broken as a young adult, or by any other event that I perceived as negative, any event that in the moment, I wished would cease.

We hear so often people say that they would not change a thing about their pasts, because it has shaped who they were. When we look closely, what has shaped them? It has not been the easy times where they coasted through days, no it has been the ground shaking, earth shattering moments where they just had to focus on surviving until the next day. This pain, that we so actively avoid now, in any extent, is the pain that allows us to grow. These unforeseen circumstances that we perceive as bad, such as a divorce, a breakup, an accident, etc, most of the time turn out to be some of the best moments in our lives. Zeno who was a Greek merchant before he was a philosopher, was bound to embark on a journey via ship. Unfortunately (as perceived in the moment), the ship wrecked, and Zeno ended up in Athens, without any of his belongings. It was there, where he began his voyage in philosophy. He later states, "Now that I've suffered shipwreck, I'm on a good journey."

This does not mean to go actively seek out pain, but do not fear it. If slightly physical pain presents itself, allow your body to live in it, instead of dousing it with medication. If you feel yourself avoiding a conversation, meeting, or person because of the discomfort that arises inside of you, lean into it. If you find yourself in a situation where you're certain that what is occurring is negative and will not help you at all, take a step back and attempt to see the positive outcomes from the situation, because I promise you, there are always positive outcomes.

To close, let's look at an experiment that Brock Bastian lays out for us in his TED Talk. People were asked to indicate the measure of their lifetime adversity that have overcome. Once indicated, people who asked to hold their hands in an ice bucket. The results are not shocking to those who understand the benefits of pain. Those who suffered a median amount of lifetime adversity held their hands in the water longer, and experienced less pain than those who did not experience adversity in their lives. On the flip side, the scientists changed the experiment to a survey on happiness and well-being in life. The group with the median lifetime adversity came out on top again. The ones with moderate measures of lifetime adversity were able to experience more pain in the moment, but also had more feelings of happiness in their lives overall. This pain that they felt in their pasts helped them become resilient.

As we move forward, hide not from pain, but embrace it. Fear not having your loved ones suffer, or your children fail in school. Pain will not ruin them, it will not ruin you. Pain will not inhibit you from feeling happiness, but to the contrary, it is this pain that will strengthen you, that will allow you to understand positive emotions in life.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Hide-Not-From-Pain&id=9801138

Monsters and Molehills

'Molehills in life are bumps in the road; they become monsters when we accept them as powerful truth, allowing them to become monsters chasing us through life. Molehills like the teacher who could not find anything redeeming in the student and carelessly flung demeaning insults, leaving behind a child who believed every word they said and became what they believed. The molehill became a monster that chased the child relentlessly through life, one failure after another.

Molehills are the path of destruction left after something uninvited digs its way through our sub conscious mind leaving a tunnel of doubt and a path of fear that somewhere in that dark tunnel lies the truth about who we will become. What we believe may be the most important block in our foundation. Even the greatest of blessings cannot be delivered if we cannot believe; we must believe to receive. Harboring the fear that we do not deserve or cannot achieve something that is important to us will ensure that we cannot.

Damage that begins in childhood plants deeper roots in our subconscious; it has a long time to grow and dig in. A child is born believing in goodness, it simply knows no other way. Trust has brought the child to this new beginning with a fragile defense system in place. In the absence of steady and positive reinforcement of encouraging truth and what can be, it is far easier for a child to believe what they see and hear, to begin to grow from those ideas. Sadly this is frequently the beginning of a long and difficult road filled with doubt, self-recriminations and fear of rejection that keeps the best in life at bay. The good things were never unattainable; they just became a mirage that could not be touched.

Sometimes there is no one to provide the kind of direction and reinforcement we need to escape from the monsters. How can we defeat something we believe is more powerful than us? Only by standing still and objectively looking at the monster, without any emotion. Emotion colors what we see and creates a binding force that ties us to the monster. Pain creates trauma; trauma is one of the strongest emotional bonds. It is necessary to tear the wound back open and stop pretending that we don't really care about things that matter a lot.

This leaves us vulnerable; vulnerable to the same pain, the same wrong ideas and yes, vulnerable to receiving the best that we can believe in. It is this that makes it worth the effort of tearing it open and re-examining without emotion what really happened. When we can do this, we can believe in ourselves and the best that life can provide for us, leaving the monster powerless. Like a shape-shifter it fades back into the molehill it always was, just a bump in the road. This is all that is necessary to be free to receive the best we can believe in.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Monsters-and-Molehills&id=9609774

Does Your Life Feel Alive And Meaningful? (By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.)

Vera sought out counseling with me because her doctor advised her to discover the emotional causes of her chronic fatigue. Vera, a successful stockbroker, was in a loving 18-year marriage. On the surface, everything in her life was fine. She had enough money, friends and a good relationship with her husband. Yet Vera awoke each morning battling fatigue and depression. She didn't want to get out of bed because nothing felt meaningful to her.

David sought my help because of chronic feelings of inner emptiness. David is very successful in his manufacturing business, has a good marriage and two adult children. Like Vera, everything seemed fine. Yet the feelings of inner emptiness drove David to overeat, overspend and indulge in porn on the Internet. Like Vera, nothing felt meaningful to him.

While both Vera and David were successful in their careers, neither loved their work. They worked to make money, but their work held little meaning for them. Yet when they looked inside, neither could discover what was meaningful for them. Both reported that they had never experienced a sense of meaningfulness in their adult lives, and that the emptiness and depression had been with them since adolescence.

As I worked with each of them, it became evident that they had made a decision early in their lives to shut down their feelings to avoid the deep pain of unbearable loneliness and heartbreak. Vera shut down because she was unable to tolerate the loneliness of her mother's behavior toward her. Her mother would say she loved Vera, but Vera never felt her love. Instead, she felt her mother energetically pulling at her, trying to suck the life out of her. As a very sensitive child, Vera could not tolerate this confusing experience, so she put her feelings in a box and decided to live from her head instead of her heart.

David, also a very sensitive child, shut down because he was unable to tolerate the loneliness of being with two emotionally unavailable empty parents, and the heartbreak of rejection from peers.

As adults, both Vera and David were still shut down to their feelings. They were still afraid of feeling the pain of loneliness and heartbreak - feelings that are actually everyday facts of life. Loneliness is present when your heart is closed or another's heart is closed, or when there is no one with whom to share love. Loneliness is the primary feeling when we want to connect with another and the other is unavailable. Heartbreak can occur when others who are important to you are unloving to you. If you were completely open to your feelings, you would likely feel moments of loneliness and heartbreak or heartache throughout the day. However, many people shut themselves off from these feelings, completely unaware of them. Instead, the moment there is a twinge of emotional pain, they turn to various addictions and addictive behaviors, such as substances, activities, rumination, shame and blame. The problem with this is that when we shut out pain, we also shut out joy and a passionate sense of meaning and purpose.

Pain and joy are in the same place in the heart. Neither Vera nor David could discover what had meaning for them and what would bring them joy while keeping a lid on their feelings. The very act of keeping their hearts closed to their feelings was creating their depression and inner emptiness.

Imagine that your feelings are like a child within you. If you ignore this child - by ignoring your feelings - he or she feels abandoned. Our refusal to be in Step One of our inner work process - to feel and take responsibility for our own pain - is an inner abandonment and results in anxiety, depression and inner emptiness.

It is your child within - your feeling self - that has the blueprint for what has meaning for you, for your passion and purpose. Each of us comes to this life with a deep purpose to express, and when we don't express it, we end up feeling empty and depressed. Yet we cannot discover our purpose when we keep a lid on our feelings.

Learning to manage the pain of loneliness and heartbreak is essential to discovering your passion and purpose.

There is no way of managing loneliness and heartbreak without a deep and personal connection to a spiritual source of love and wisdom. We cannot manage these feelings from our mind alone.

You will find deep meaning in your life when you decide to practice our healing process - opening to and learning from your feelings of loneliness and heartbreak, rather than continuing to shut them down. And you will open to these feelings only when you do not feel alone inside - when you begin experiencing the love and wisdom of your spiritual Guidance. Opening to Divine Love and opening to your feelings will bring you the fullness, joy, passion and purpose that are the yearnings of your soul.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Does-Your-Life-Feel-Alive-And-Meaningful?&id=9448386

How to Stay Sober (By Sherry Daniel)

I've spent the last decade battling alcohol. Sometimes, I even felt like I won. But, it always came back. Every time I got weak, there was my 'friendly bottle' to ease my suffering. Addiction always starts with pain. Always.

Every time I relapsed, alcohol opened the gates of hell and pulled me in. It is only by the grace of God that I am even here to share my story. One serious episode was a five-day bender that almost poisoned me. It was close. For more than a week, my body suffered the effects of so much alcohol.

Hiding this disease and all the lies that comes with that broke down the fabric of who I was. Today, I can tell the truth and feel some pride in knowing my word has value. Bless those who never gave up on me and I pray for wisdom and compassion for those who chose to judge.

One time, I revived my battle with the bottle thinking I would take a brief respite from the physical pain of some oral surgery combined with the emotional shock of another sudden death in my family. I couldn't even attend the funeral as I was still so toxic from the relapse.

For those who don't believe in a dark side, trust me when I testify that it's so real that I've tasted it. An innocent looking bottle of wine opened the door to Pandora's box that almost marked the end of me. It was close and I was weak in the fight. I've never prayed harder.

Good and evil exist. Christ can lead the way to freedom with His light but you have to ask Him in. With His power and protection, one can be pulled from the presence of evil that actually waits for the door to open. The darkness beckons with temporary peace, freedom and ease of pain until you relax into it and then the trap springs shut and all three disappear.

Alcohol leads one into a dark hole where the spirit of darkness lives-void of all five senses except the utter chill of misery. In that darkness, a choice starts to form like a flicker of thought until the answer burns brightly. That is the point one meets God and the story turns.

Full addiction is a complete takeover. Once the chemical hooks are triggered, there is no negotiating away with thought. It takes an intervention-sometimes chemical to weaken those bonds.

The battle with alcoholism doesn't end. It goes into remission. Addiction is a spiritual malady that turns mental and finally manifests physically. It is time to defeat this 'fatal, progressive disease.'

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Stay-Sober&id=9816255

How to Use Pain & Pleasure To Ignite Your Motivation

Many people think that motivation is external.

They think that motivation is getting hyped up by some passionate speakers who yell quotes at you. They think that motivation happens when you are scolded by the basketball coach and get punished by the daredevil trainer. They think that motivation is an elusive magical phenomenon that happens automatically to them.

While motivation can come from the outside, a much stronger form of motivation comes when it's generated from within.

One of the most effective ways to be self-motivated is to utilize the power of pain & pleasure.

Nearly everything we do in our lives is driven by our fundamental need to avoid pain and our desire to gain pleasure.

If we try to touch the boiling kettle, we will get burned and the pain will teach us not to touch it again. On the other hand, if we get good academic results and earn recognition from our parents, teachers and friends, we will feel awesome and want that experience again.

However, these controlling forces are not created equal.

We humans have a loss aversion bias where we have twice as much tendency to avoid losses than to acquire gains. This is why most people prefer to settle for an average mediocre life instead of proactively creating a wonderful life.

They'd rather stay in a painful, unhealthy, unfulfilling relationship than to break up with someone and seek a new partner.

They'd rather not lose $100 they already have than to take calculated risks to gain an additional $100.

They'd rather continue to be overweight for the rest of their lives rather than "losing" their excess fat that's killing their health.

Knowing this interesting psychological phenomenon, how should you motivate yourself to overcome painful challenges?

#1 Realize What's Stopping You

Whenever you procrastinate, you are associating that the pain of taking action is greater than the pain of doing nothing.

So go figure out what's the short-term pain you're trying to avoid?

Is it the pain of boredom? Is it the pain of having to research how to do certain things? Is it the pain of mundane repetitive work you don't like?

On the other hand, figure out what's the short-term pleasure you're gaining when you procrastinate.

Is it the dopamine spike when you watch funny YouTube videos? Is it the validation you gain when you reply WhatsApp messages? Is it the colorful sweet strawberry cheesecake ice-cream that gives you a sugar high?

#2 Flip The Motivational Switch

Wherever your focus goes, energy flows. Your reality is based on where you put your focus on.

Thus, if you want that motivation to take action again, you must focus your attention on:

• How not taking action will be more painful than taking action in the long-term AND
• How taking action will bring you more, bigger, greater pleasure in the long-term

If you take action to do the work right now, how much more money, control and freedom can you enjoy to do whatever you want?

If you take action and say hi to that woman right now, how much more likely you're not going to spend another lonely, boring, isolated Friday night watching Netflix?

If you take action and just pick up your sneakers and go for a 20 mins walk, how much more likely you're going to lose that belly fat that's killing every organ in your body?

Controlling your attention is one of the fundamentals of gaining control of your life. To change your behaviors, you must learn how to use pain and pleasure to your advantage.

Next time you need to summon your motivation, start linking taking action with the long-term pleasure while amplifying the long-term pain with inaction.

Master this skill and start dominating your day!

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Use-Pain-and-Pleasure-To-Ignite-Your-Motivation&id=9489074

7 Helpful Tips To Sustain Your Motivation

When it pertains to getting things done, motivation can be hard to come by. Yet, that is precisely what is required. A small amount of motivation is needed to do little, simple things, like brushing your teeth. Larger jobs require more motivation to complete.

But how do you find motivation when you have none?

Discover how to really motivate yourself and you'll achieve more:

1. Use pain. If you cannot complete a specific job, what are the consequences? It may simply be the inconvenience of having more to do the following day. Or it could be the possibility of someone stopping by and seeing how dirty your home is.

Create several good reasons why failing to do complete a task would be painful to you.

2. Use satisfaction. Saving back $25 today might not be too exciting, but the vacation getaway you'll be taking next year is pretty terrific. Remind yourself of all the advantages you'll receive. Make a long list that will help to keep the fire burning inside to effectively handle those undesirable or dull tasks.

Envision the future you expect to enjoy from getting your jobs completed. Rehearse your successes in your mind over and over. Produce an image that motivates you take the next action enthusiastically.

3. Set short-term objectives. It's hard to stay motivated on a goal for more than 8-10 weeks. So, if you have a goal that will require a year to achieve, you'll run out of gas before you achieve success.

Break objectives that take a prolonged amount of time into smaller sized goals that can be achieved within 2 months.

To paraphrase Henry Ford, "If you take a large job, and break it into small parts, you'll make it easy."

4. Make the job more satisfying. Raking the leaves might seem like a terrible way to spend the afternoon, but what if you listened to your favorite music while you raked? You could even invite a few friends over for a cookout and ask them each to bring a rake, for a "barbecue raking" party!

Ask yourself, "How can I make this task as pleasurable as possible?" then listen to the responses you get.

5. Give yourself a reward. You would not go to work daily if you didn't earn money. The benefit you get suffices to keep you returning every day. Apply the very same idea to keep your motivation high enough to get things done. Think about a couple of things you truly take pleasure in and utilize them as motivation.

Just feeling pleased with your achievements can be a type of reward. Those that struggle with motivation are often hard on themselves. Enjoy your accomplishments and you can be sure to enjoy more progress in the future.

6. Take a deep breath. Few things will drain your motivation faster than an over-stimulated mind. Stay clear on what you're attempting to achieve and concentrate on the most direct path to obtain it. Deal with one task before moving on to another.

Keep your brain focused on your current job. Meditation is an effective tool for learning how to focus better.

7. Include another person. Going to the fitness center daily can be difficult. However if you know your exercise partner is awaiting you, it's harder to stay home. The presence of others can increase your level of commitment. Reach out to a friend.

Without motivation, willpower is the only option, and willpower is far more difficult to sustain than motivation. Learning how to control your motivation comes with learning how to manage yourself. There's little that can't be accomplished when you find out how to manipulate your level of motivation. Even the most difficult jobs end up being manageable.

http://ezinearticles.com/?7-Helpful-Tips-To-Sustain-Your-Motivation&id=9522870

How Do I Get Motivation to Be Successful?

So to get yourself motivated to be successful, you need to firstly decide what it is you really want, then work out which is stronger - gaining pleasure or avoiding pain. What will make you work harder? For example my goal is to fully work from home so I get to spend as much time as possible with my babies (2nd one due in 7 weeks!!) and earn good enough money for us to live comfortably and have a holiday every year. So the pleasure of seeing my children lots, being able to take them to and from school eventually and attend every assembly and sports day is great motivation for me.

But sometimes avoiding pain is actually a stronger motivator, for example if you have a job you cannot stand and work with people you don't get on with, or have to see your child upset every time you leave them at nursery, these feelings can push you to work so hard that you can end these painful circumstances.

Relating this technique to losing weight for example could offer the following statements - if I lose weight I'll fit in to my old size 10 dress (gaining pleasure) or if I don't lose weight I could end up having a heart attack (avoiding pain). So you have to decide which feels the stronger sensation to give you that motivation to succeed.

Think about your motivating factors and write down answers to the following questions:

What is/are your goal(s)? 

What are the things that will give you pleasure to attain these goals? 

What are the things that will cause you pain if you don't attain these goals? 

So find out which is stronger, avoiding pain or gaining pleasure and keep those thoughts in mind, or even write them somewhere so you can see them regularly to remind you!

So for example, with your home based business, your little ones are in bed and you could get on with some online training or do some income producing activity, but your favourite programme is on the TV, and you just need to do the washing up, then sort the washing, then tidy the lounge floor covered by toys and so on... STOP AND THINK about your motivating factors! You might say, by procrastinating like this I'm going to have to stay in a job I hate (avoiding pain) or if I stop procrastinating I'll get to spend more quality time with my children (gaining pleasure).

So you see what I mean, really focus on what will give you motivation! I wish you luck and all the best in your endeavours. Stay strong and get the motivation and keep consistent! Please do feel free to comment and let me know your goals and motivating factors as it's always great to share ideas.

Thank you for reading my article and I wish you all the success in the world!

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-Do-I-Get-Motivation-to-Be-Successful?&id=9535546

Life Will Kick You Until You Are Down, But That's When The Growth Occurs

How do we change our circumstances when lying face down in the gutter?

Can a person recover from despair and overcome their pain and suffering?

Pain is a menacing threat that grows in intensity and never leaves you. There are moments of respite, although it never leaves. Not in the way you want.

That's what sadness is like - despair interwoven with glimpses of elation.

How do we transcend the pain?

Are we meant to overcome or endure it?

Does the person who endures the most in the end prevail?

So many questions, yet answers are few.

Life is a one way conversation with a universe that speaks but doesn't listen. She yells in such a bellowing roar that I drown it out and retreat into the sanctuary of my mind.

Struggle is an oppressive adversary, like a boa constrictor enveloping you, pausing momentarily - and then smothering you again.

Can you relate to this feeling?

I don't want to be defined by my suffering, that's not who I am, nor whom I intend to be.

I recall a time when struggle and pain meant grazing my knee at soccer practice. The wounds eventually healed, and I was left with a faint scare to mark my fall.

Nowadays, pain lasts longer than a grazed knee. It is like being chased in a terrifying dream that never ends, stuck in an endless loop.

We are defined by our struggle and assume the identity of the wounded victim. We have no choice because life thwarts us every time we try to rise.

Garret Kramer writes in The Path of No Resistance: "All of us have experienced struggles that appeared to be the result of a certain situation, only to later ask ourselves: This situation isn't so complicated. What in the world was troubling me?"

But here's what I found to be the antidote to suffering: I am pushed to grow in the moments, days and weeks that follow the despair. For some, it might be years, dare I say decades for growth to be realised.

I wish I could mend your pain like my mother taking care of my grazed knee. But sometimes we must go it alone. For it was Winston Churchill who once said: "If you're going through hell, keep going."

He knew pain and suffering ultimately recedes to give way to inner growth.

Wishing away the pain does nothing to cultivate grit and strength of character. The gentlest souls are those who have endured the greatest hardships and gained a humility for life.

"Let us never look hardship in the face and run. To do so is to tear ourselves from this world and this time, and to relinquish our growth and contributions in life."

"Let us always remember that in addressing our pain and fear, we gain mastery over them," writes Brendon Burchard in The Motivation Manifesto.

We are but a small cog in a wheel forever expanding and contracting.

I'm reminded of a quote by the Buddha who said: "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

So, are you allowing life's pain and struggle to define you or using it to grow and expand? Remember, the universe favours expansion.

Everything taking place in your life right now is leading to the unfolding of your life's narrative.

You can recoil from it or lean into it.

Suffering is the seed life plants in you to reveal your greatest potential, so you may come to know your authentic self.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Life-Will-Kick-You-Until-You-Are-Down,-But-Thats-When-The-Growth-Occurs&id=9745473

This Is How To Let Go Of Being Attached To Situations In Life

"I have no idea of what tomorrow will bring, so I wish to prepare for it."

"You fear tomorrow - not realizing that yesterday is just as dangerous."

The delightful short tale by Anthony de Mello underscores the fact that our attachments to the past can be equally harmful.

We must release our hold of yesterday's concerns and bring our awareness to the present moment, if we desire to seek contentment.

It's a given that most people want to experience happiness and joy. There are many ways to achieve it and while some attain it, others don't. However, it is no less a central desire to seek fulfillment in our everyday life.

We want happiness to fill the cup when pain overflows. Yet the irony is we experience more pain and suffering than joy allows.

We attach our desires to people and situations, holding on tighter than we should. We stress about matters that impose upon our happiness and become discouraged.

Things don't always go as planned. People let us down. The road ahead gets bumpy.

Buddhist author Lama Surya Das writes in The Big Questions: How to Find Your Own Answers to Life's Essential Mysteries: "As Mark Twain said, 'It's not what we don't know that gets us in trouble, but what we are sure we know'. We attach to one or more particular ways of seeing ourselves that, neither accurate nor helpful, entrap us in mind-forged manacles, self-limiting beliefs, and unfulfilling, misdirected behavior patterns and desires. We fall into living as we are not and lose who and what we actually are."

The Art of Detachment

Detachment means to disassociate yourself from intended outcomes. It requires letting go of fixed ideas how life should be.

If you commit yourself to getting what you want, you set yourself up for pain.

For example, if you base your day on your partner's mood or getting the next promotion at work, you allow outward conditions to dictate your feelings. You are trying to control your world instead of trusting the process of life.

"Normally we think we see reality, but what we see is our own subjective perceptions, filtered through all of our associations and desires, as well as through language and conditioning," states author Ezra Bayda in The Authentic Life: Zen Wisdom for Living Free from Complacency and Fear.

Let Go of Attachments

This requires practice, though it is possible to let go of attachments that no longer serve you.

You might ruminate on the past and hold on to things that don't matter anymore. What if you were to enjoy the richness of the present moment instead?

Make it a point to let go of anything that's not for your highest good, especially expectations.

Do you often worry about the future?

Do you base your feelings on whether you are moving forward in life?

Either way, make it a priority to let go of attachments by cherishing the depth of each moment. Move beyond your negative thoughts and allow life to be exactly as it is.

Letting go is grounded in the wakefulness of the present moment being perfect as it is. Whilst you expect things to be a certain way, detachment means to let go of these thoughts.

"When we see through our attachments by fully experiencing them, the result is freedom. When we can see and experience life without the filters of our judgments and demands, the result is appreciation and the quiet joy of being. When we see through our fears, the result is love," states Ezra Bayda.

Let Go of Expectations

Expectations set you up for disappointment. Whilst it's normal to receive respect and love from others, sometimes people don't return the respect or love you deserve. Happiness means acknowledging this, so you avoid hanging your hopes on people fulfilling your emotional needs.

If we are attached to life being a particular way, we are assured of being hurt when things do not follow as expected.

The solution, you ask?

Let go.

Consider psychotherapist David Richo's view in The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them: "We cannot take refuge in feeling good, because that cannot be sustained. What is sustained and sustaining is a yes to what is, 'taking the good with the bad'. This can only happen when we have no attachment to how things should be."

Let Go of Outcomes

Do you want to work toward your goals and dreams while letting go of outcomes?

Focus on pursuing what is meaningful and give it your undivided attention. People pursue what they consider will make them happy, yet remain miserable now.

To work towards a prosperous future, flow with the currents of life instead of being on a roller coaster ride of ups and downs.

Steady is the way.

Author Jan Frazier offers the following wisdom in The Freedom of Being: At Ease with What Is: "When you are free, you no longer experience attachment - to the roles you play, to possessions, to ideas, to the outcome of action, to the people you love. You are free of ferocious desire, of the driving 'need' to get (and keep) what you want."

Fulfillment Comes From Within

As much as we want to believe that success and happiness happen 'out there' - it simply isn't true.

Happiness and fulfillment emerge from within.

Ask those who are content what their secret is and many will tell you, they learned to simplify life and let go of attachments.

They loosened their grip and allowed life to serve them. They are grateful for the pleasant and unpleasant moments because both experiences contain the seeds of opportunity for growth.

They are unattached to how life should develop and trust every experience serves their highest good.

Think back to a time you released your attachments to something.

Maybe it was resentment or holding on to a particular point of view. As you let go, you no doubt felt relief and moved on.

That is the significance of letting go. You let go to move forward, instead of dragging the past behind with you.

"When you are unattached, you have inner freedom. You have no investment in a particular outcome, and so you do what is necessary in the moment. You explore every option and are receptive to all new information. You do all that you know to do, and then trust, because you have no attachment to either the result or how the result is produced," affirms authors Charlene Belitz and Meg Lundstrom in The Power of Flow: Practical Ways to Transform Your Life with Meaningful Coincidence.

So, release your hold on tomorrow. Do not blemish the present moment with your attachments of how it should be.

If you are anxious about a particular matter, simply let it go. Drop it as though I were handing you a hot piece of coal.

Keep letting go until you get to a place of nothingness and have released all attachments and suffering.

Only then will you know true peace and joy in its entirety.

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