Don't Hold On To Your Anger

Growing up I heard different recipes for a life lived well, and while I received some stellar advice I rarely if ever- saw it being put to practice. While I was inspired to be free, courageous, truthful, loving and compassionate, I saw people around me riddled and haunted by fear, jealousy, dependency and despise. I am grateful for these people being there, for watching their lives and stories helped me learn and choose my path at a very young age. But while it was easy to choose love over hatred and compassion over fear, the choice that has been the hardest to master so far is the choice between anger and forgiveness.

How do you simply forget and forgive, and simply move on? How do you choose to not be enraged by the actions or words of another, especially when they unleash such an onslaught on one's mind, heart and spirit? How indeed does one tame anger?

To start with why does one need to tame anger or let go of it to begin with? Anger is really like a fire which must destruct in order to purify. This force has its place, such as when used to fuel a rebellion against injustice or when protecting our beloved; but how well we use and employ this force is deeply connected with how well we have mastered this force. For far too often instead of purifying and healing with it, we end up levelling the landscapes of our life with our own anger; instead of solving issues we end up merely destructing things. Further, just like fire- anger is pretty hard and resource intensive to keep contained. Like a constantly burning fire, any anger we hold on to is tricky to contain and is constantly consuming us or an aspect of our life. At the very least thus, holding on to anger is unhealthy, exhausting and dangerous.

Also we must recognize that anger is a response- there is always a deeper emotion at play which the anger masks. Holding on to anger therefore often keeps us from really getting to the heart of the matter. For example, if the comments of a friend anger you, it is because somewhere they were harsh and may have upset you; your anger is a response to your pain, sadness and disappointment. What is really needed is for you to express and communicate this pain to your friend in order to impress the real impact of her actions; however burning in anger it may be hard for you to expose your feelings and vulnerability, and you may just end up with a pointless argument that leads nowhere fruitful.

But no matter how dangerous or destructive anger is, it is not a disease or a shortcoming. Instead like every other potent aspect of human nature, it is a power and force waiting to be mastered. And here is where the most important reason for letting go of anger lies- we must no hold on to anger if we ever want to master this force. Fire- all fire- must be channeled in order to prevent it from consuming us, and thus it is with anger. Expression and forgiveness help channel this fire, and help us master this force- all in the interest of our own peace, personal development and wellness, as well as of those around us.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Dont-Hold-On-To-Your-Anger&id=9141274

Virtue - Is It Achievable?

"All the gold which is under or upon the earth is not enough to give in exchange for virtue." (Plato, philosopher)

The idea of virtue can feel a little scary. Surely no-one can be such a worthy human being as to do no wrong, show courage at all times, and be full of generosity and kindness with everybody? To do good all the time doesn't feel like the real me. I suspect few people feel they are born like this and I certainly don't. And what is virtue anyway? Do we have to be so extremely good in order to show virtue? Is this not an excessive expectation?

Virtue in contemporary spirituality

Modern spiritual writers are interested in universal ideas common to different traditions. For example Roger Walsh encourages the reader to recognise and cultivate higher values. Examples are justice, altruism, beauty, the sacred and understanding truth.

Walsh contrasts these with lower values such as money, possessions, bodily pleasure, power, and fame. He finds virtue in the higher values. In contrast, he says neglecting spiritual principles and focusing on lower values can result in a lack of well-being. You are more likely to suffer from boredom, craving, cynicism, alienation, stress, and lack of meaning in your life when you prioritise lower values unrelated to virtue.

Virtue as understood in ancient Greece

The way the ancient Greeks thought about virtue is of relevance. Plato thought that virtue is associated with being wise.

Similarly, Aristotle wrote that virtue is excellence at being human and thus involves understanding what is right for the situation.

"At the right times, about the right things, towards the right people, for the right end, and in the right way, is the intermediate and best condition, and this is proper to virtue." (Aristotle, philosopher)

In other words virtue is taking into account rational considerations when being courageous, generous, or kind according to the circumstances. I think Aristotle is saying doing what is worthy and good doesn't necessarily mean behaving in an excessive way.

"Exactness and neatness in moderation is a virtue, but carried to extremes narrows the mind." (Francois Fenelon)

Virtue could thus be said to be acting in between two extremes in a rational light.

For example courage is a virtue that lies between cowardice and foolhardiness. You can foolishly throw away your life by thoughtlessly doing something beyond your ability.

Generosity is between miserliness and being recklessly profligate with one's money. You can imprudently neglect your own needs, and the needs of your own family, by being overgenerous.

I see kindness as between indifference and doing too much. Fixing things by solving problems doesn't enable children to learn things for themselves. Doing too much for the elderly can foster unnecessary dependence.

There is no virtue in taking things too far by mindlessly not considering consequences for what you do.

Virtue in tradition of Western World and Middle East

The ten commandments are less well known these days and are often regarded as old hat. Some of them are however the basis for our criminal law. We might want to bring our understanding of them up to date. If we look for a spirit of virtue within them, do these rules also require wisdom for their practice?

Arguably, the command 'Do not kill' is saying don't become hateful or violent. Perhaps the spirit behind this is urging us to enhance life by nurturing, protecting, showing kindness and being useful. However, is it going too far to never get angry even when such a response is justified?

The command about not bearing false witness is about not telling lies. A deeper understanding of this might be being honest with others and with oneself. Also keeping promises and living with integrity. But could one unwisely take this command to its extreme? For example, by being too honest, tactlessly pointing negative things out to others at the wrong time, or ruminating on one's own trivial mistakes.

There is a command about not committing adultery. Isn't the spirit of this law to do with nurturing the family bond by being loyal to one's partner and not acting seductively with others? Taken to extremes, one condemns and avoids all expressions of sexuality in the arts or in normal leisure contexts.

One command 'Do not steal' in effect tells us to respect the property and ideas of others, and give credit for them. More extreme than this would be to maintain upright respectability with false modesty about one's own law-abiding citizenship.

"Hypocrisy is the tribute that vice pays to virtue." (Grover Norquist)

In other words, what is good in these rules can be distorted because of a lack of wisdom in their application.

Wisdom and virtue

One can point to a distinction between what is naturally and spiritually good. With the former there is no truth of wisdom.

"People... whose good is merely natural can be carried away by falsity as easily as by truth, provided that in outward appearance the falsity looks like truth. They can also be led as easily by evil as by good, provided that the evil is presented as good. They are like feathers in the wind." (Emanuel Swedenborg, spiritual philosopher)

In other words, true virtue is a developed quality of character rather than the impulse of one's natural disposition. It is a rock in the face of the winds of life.

We may not naturally have much in the way of virtue - forgiveness, kindness, courage, humour, generosity, humility, contentment, or honesty. However, I conclude that doing good in an enlightened manner leads to a sense of well-being and feeling energised by life. I would say, virtue is achievable, as long as you seek the wisdom of rational thought needed to make use of good inclinations.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Virtue---Is-It-Achievable?&id=9809781

Decide Now

DECIDE NOW AND STOP PROCRASTINATING

When I was at primary school one thing I was not able to do was to make decisions and not alter them. That haunted me for a couple of years I think for 4 or so years. I do not know what actually happened to change that because I was a kid back then. From that moment onwards I was able to make decisions and stick to that. My life changed for the better, friends began to come to me seeking for answers. That is the "power of decision."

Every time when you are confronted with a challenge or difficulty, the best way to overcome that challenge is to make a decision and stick to it. You should know inside you what you want and what you have to do, do not wait for tomorrow. The unfortunate thing is tomorrow might never come. It can be an opportunity that has arisen, be able to make a decision and be slow to reverse that decision. Yes, do not quickly reverse your decision.

Sometimes you have to go against the odds and be your own, stop listening to rumours and gossips that can make you decide basing on opinions. I tell you in that process of listening to opinions in a newspaper or from friends and family, you will make yourself a person of no value.Your value comes when you are able to make bold decisions in a matter of death or life situations. Your decision has to be a courageous one. You will lose your confidence when you grow a habit of listening to other people's opinions before making a decision.

If it was not for Henry Ford's decision to come up with a V8 engine, we would not be enjoying 8 cylinder vehicles now, if it was not for Thomas Edison who decided to create a bulb we would not be having bulbs now. It is not a matter of looking for someone to make a decision, the opposite of decision is procrastination. Procrastination in itself is the thief of time.

Do not be a procrastinator in all you do, the moment you procrastinate you already have lost time. Time lost is never gained. So be firm and bold to make decisions, it is your DECISION that can change your current situation. It is your decision that can change the situation of your nation or community.

"The choices we make lead up to actual experiences. It is one thing to decide to climb a mountain. It is quite another to be on top of it."~ Herbert A. Simon

"Procrastination is the bad habit of putting of until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday."~ Napoleon Hill

One more thing, when you make your decision, the best that you can do is to shut your mouth and pursue your goals. Open your eyes and ears, but your mouth should not open unless it is something pertaining to your goal. Why shut your mouth? Because deeds and not words are what counts most.

Even to decide to be a decision maker you have to do it now, if you had lagged behind or you had been procrastinating throw away procrastination. Your decision means a lot to your family, friends, community, country and even the world. "What you decide now can make a huge impact to the world."

http://ezinearticles.com/?Decide-Now&id=9731259

Message From the Universe: Courage Over Common Sense

"It's no accident that your courage often overrides your common sense.

You wanted to be programmed that way.

You also wanted it all.

Proud of you, 

The Universe"

Common sense is great when it comes to daily activities. We all need common sense to move through life without doing major stupidities and not realizing it. Throwing yourself off a bridge will end your life, in most cases, and if not, will leave you crippled for life. It is common sense to everyone that it can happen. So why do it right? If we apply this theory to embarking into the unknown, trying something new, something different and risky and you might hear everyone say that IT can't be done or NEVER have been done before and no one is smart enough to go through the upcoming challenges of this new and risky venture. By moving forward, you might lose everything you have gained throughout your life but if you do succeed, you can end up being the richest and most popular individual on planet Earth. Normal common sense will let you know that it is not worth the risk, but your courage will, HOPEFULLY, overrule your fear and take that risk that NO one is considering this option. At the end, if NO one was able to do it, and you succeeded, then you can be proud to say that YOU are the most courageous, smartest, richest mofo on planet Earth. Some might read this and say: "All this is great, but what if I fail? What if everyone was right and no one was able to succeed in this venture, what do I do then?" Like anything in life, you pick up the pieces and move forward. You might not be the richest, but people will remember you as being the most courageous of us all. Courage beats wealth in every occasion. Remember that!

I take risk everyday in my business, making and losing money. Jumping in projects in the hope they will succeed, multitask a lot and determine what project needs most of my attention. When I start noticing a trend on a successful venture, I put most of my attention on it and focus on its growth. I work day and night and focus on making it succeed. No matter what happens at the end, or obstacles that I am facing because of that venture, I continue and work harder to overcome these challenges. There will be NOTHING stopping me to reach my goals. This is a promise I give myself every morning when I wake up. I first say: "Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for giving me life and allowing me to live another day", and then I go"what challenges will I face today and how will I work around them to tackle all problems and come out a winner?". Depending on my mood in the morning, I often have to ask myself that last question a few times until I can get myself motivated enough to find logical answers to my question. Once done, I get up and hit the gym by 540am and that allows me to relax my mind and focus on the existing problem from the day before. Once you built your own routine, I can promise you that you will start finding solutions quickly and efficiently to all challenges you will face ahead.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-Courage-Over-Common-Sense&id=9622032

Your Glass Is Half-Full

Recently it has been so easy to focus our attention on the negative actions of others and perhaps even feel cynical about people in general as opposed to seeking out the positive in the situation.

There is no doubt that there are mean spirited people in this world and those who don't seem to care about anyone other than themselves. Yet, in my experience, there are so many really good people who truly care about others and go out of their way to be kind-if you choose to look for them.

We're not talking about the extreme sort such as terrorists who kill people or someone who is clearly courageous and heroic like Rahman Perkins from the Hoboken train accident a couple of weeks ago. We're talking about the everyday people who cross our paths.

Don't Overlook the Goodness in People

So often I hear people say things like "People suck" or "I like animals much better than people".

We tend to remember:

• The people who cut us off on the road as opposed to those who allow us in the lane.

• The people who slam the door in our face as opposed to those who open the door for us.

It is human to remember the experiences that bother us and trigger a negative emotional response yet we would be better emotionally served to pay more attention to the simple acts of kindness of everyday people.

I personally see the goodness in others and I tend to come across such people in my day to day travels through life. It's not that I am deluding myself regarding some of the darkness that does exist in our world yet I truly believe in my heart in the goodness of others.

Is it no wonder then that I am so often a recipient of kindness? My friends and people that I know often ask me this question: "How come people are so nice to you?"

It is not because I am so special, it just may mean that I love people and know that most are intrinsically good and kind. Thus, I see this wherever I go. I feel blessed each day to be the receiver of kindness.

It's the Law of Attraction

What we put out into the world, we receive back. Also though, it's important to recognize where we choose to focus our attention. Perhaps kindness has always been right in front of us and we've yet to notice.

Are we certain that the cup is half empty? Or have we realized the cup is half full? If we're putting our attention on people who are ignoring us or people who are frowning-we tend to see this negatively.

If I smile or say hello to someone, they're bound to say hello back. If I'm frowning or looking at the ground, people are reticent and not comfortable in initiating a kind gesture.

My wish for you today is that you discover the little wonders in your day, and the people surrounding you, to enable you to view the kindness in the world.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Your-Glass-Is-Half-Full&id=9558302

How to Work Through the Pain to Get to the Pleasure

Some, not all of us realize that we need to work through our experiences in a conscious fashion rather than analyze, over and over again in our minds what happened and tell ourselves, in our head, that we're okay and we're ready to move on. We tell ourselves such stories! Such tales of garbage.

The Ego is strong and wants to keep you petty and immature. The truth hurts sometimes, yes, it does free you from the constraints of your past history and allow you to see a different way to behave. This opportunity to see through a different lens rather than our own limiting view are the times when we access important information about ourselves and life that was always there but hidden. The learning process may not be easy, but it's full of lessons that bring us wisdom we can't find any other way.

The desire to press fast-forward leads to escapism, contradiction, and denial, all three of which prolong our difficulties and in some cases make them worse. Our willingness to be direct, clear, and courageous in the face of our circumstances gives us the tools to finding peace, understanding and love again, allowing us to move through the situation with resolutions not seen or available to us before.

Yes! I said resolutions! More than one. Armed with this understanding, you may begin to realize that trying to find the fast-forward button is probably not the best option, perhaps it's about pressing the pause button. When you truly grasp, deep down inside that the only way out of any situation in which you find yourself, whether it's easy or difficult is to go through it, you stop looking for ways to escape and start paying close attention to what is happening, in the moment.

This is the first step to shifting your current perspective and putting on a different lens. You, now present in this moment, realize that you are exactly where you need to be. You can now choose a course of action instead of doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. With this new found awareness comes something you didn't know before and will now help you make a better choice.

The process of awareness can be easy, gentle and kind or a hard hitting crack between the eyes, either way it depends on how willing you are to give up being right, making someone else wrong or dominating another and choose love, peace, or compassion instead.

Choose to see all perspectives. Get clear on what you would love in your life, is it getting along better with your spouse now that the kids are gone? Is it peace in your work relationships? Understanding yourself?

Love, passion, affinity, contentment, courage, all these feelings are available to you so are hate, annoyed, tense, fearful, guilt, shame. Positive thinking alone will not shift your perspective, but balanced thinking, which opens the heart to gratitude and love will. In the moment you might be ready to fire and employee but with perspective, balanced thinking, you'll see there's more going on than you thought.

When you feel the urge to press the fast-forward button, remember that you are not alone; we all instinctively avoid pain. But in doing so, we often prolong our pain and delay important opportunities to learn. As you choose to move forward in real time and see all sides of the circumstance, obstacle or challenge, ask yourself how does what I think stifle me or serve me?

This balanced thinking will lower your stress and increase your vitality, comprehension and enthusiasm.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Work-Through-the-Pain-to-Get-to-the-Pleasure&id=9390065

Conquering Your Fears One Day at a Time

Fear is very powerful. It affects everyone from time to time. Doesn't matter who you are or where you come from, even if you are the most successful person on this planet.

Fear can be both good and bad.

It can be good in the sense that sometimes it allows us to escape from harm.

On the other hand, fear can be bad for us in the sense that it may prevent us from pursuing what we truly desire in life.

Some examples of this include: talking to an attractive woman for the first time, starting a new business, climbing a mountain, and so on and so forth.

Getting over our fears is necessary in order to pursue the things we want to accomplish in our lives.

The way a person engages fear determines how successful that person can be throughout their life.

If a person let's fear take over when he wants to pursue a beneficial opportunity, he will be unable to even start his pursuit.

However, if a person faces her fear and pushes through it, this fear will start to become less and less powerful.

She will be considered a courageous person and will naturally increase the amount of self-confidence and success in her life.

Fear of failure is the one of the most common fears we face from day to day, but exercising courage can help us to break down this fear.

Lesson of the day:

Find something you truly want to accomplish in your life right now, something that you are afraid to do, but if you are successful, will be able to reap many personal and maybe even financial rewards.

Pursue this opportunity, despite the fear you feel and put it in the back of your mind that you don't care about being successful in the short term, because you are just gaining experience in this field.

This will take off a lot of pressure from your mind and will allow you to enjoy the experience, while building your skill set, increasing your chances of becoming successful in the future.

Also, if whatever you want to pursue requires financial stability and/or more preparation, then by all means take care of that first.

Otherwise, you will have a bad start and might even be worse off than before. Strike a balance between preparation and pursuing the opportunity in order to become successful later down the road.

I hope you all enjoyed today's post and hope you will join me on the journey to self-confidence mastery!

Cheers!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Conquering-Your-Fears-One-Day-at-a-Time&id=9503464

Message From the Universe: Your Difficult Journey in Life!

"Courageous is the soul who adventures into time and space to learn of their divinity. For while they cannot lose, they can think they have, and the loss will seem intolerable. And while they cannot fail, they can think they have, and the pain will seem unbearable. And while they cannot ever be less than they truly are - powerful, eternal, and loved - they can think they are, and all hope will seem lost.

And therein lies their test. A test of perceptions: of what to focus on, of what to believe in, in spite of appearances.

YOU are divine - 

The Universe"

Even though the Universe is preparing what can be the biggest change in your life, it will ONLY do it on his own schedule, which, in most cases, never coincides with yours. You feel like all hope is lost, and whatever effort you put in today goes in vain. Even though the path you are taking isn't so clear, the Universe knows exactly where you are headed. Everything seems to be blurry at times, and that is because of the fear that you implement in your mind on a daily basis. As you are going for your dreams, you have no clear direction that will guarantee you from making any mistakes. They are inevitable so wrap your mind around the high probability of falling hard and it hurting badly. You will get a lot of cuts and bruises throughout your journey to success, but it will be all worth it. As long as this journey doesn't kill you, it will ONLY make you stronger. I can't be giving you any promises that your path to success will be all nice and calm, and I would lie to you if I did. Expect turbulence, just like flying on a very windy day. Imagine the empty pockets of air that the plane flies through and pushes it downward, losing altitude, or going side to side while navigating the treacherous weather at 35 000 feet altitude. There will be times where you feel like the plane will crash. These feelings are similar when working towards your dreams. You feel like everything will fall and crash, taking your dreams down the abyss of hell and disappointment. Will these fears stop you from pushing forward? Not knowing with accuracy what will happen following failure, is it worth it to just stop everything and abandon what you worked so hard for? How much tolerance do you have? How many more failures will you accept before calling it quits?

No one is you to make a decision of that sort. When working towards your dreams, expect naysayers to be the first ones to share their negativity with you, trying to stop you on your track and not allow you to pursue your dreams. They will do everything in their power to aggravate the results of failures and make you feel embarrassed even before it happens. The "I told you so" will be said numerous amount of time because of how it makes them feel of being right if you DO fail. But what is right or wrong here? Did you fail because they said you would or did you fail because you didn't put the required time and effort to make this work? Was their negativity so destructive that it made you believe that you can ONLY fail throughout your journey because you lost all belief in yourself? No one can really predict what will happen but what I can suggest is to eliminate these naysayers by not divulging ANYTHING at ANYONE at ANYTIME. Remove the negative elements from the equation by NOT sharing anything. Work on yourself and find the motivation from within yourself to pursue your dreams. You are an entrepreneur, you are self-motivated, so you DON'T need anyone to approve of your actions and goals. You feed your own ego with what is needed to move forward and be the biggest success of the 21st century.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-Your-Difficult-Journey-in-Life!&id=9473752

Believe In Your Heart

I've always allowed my heart to make my final decisions for me. Because, while these decisions may not have seemed to make much "sense" at the time, the head is not the center of me; my heart is. But the heart doesn't know to be logical or to be reasonable; without fail it simply points towards more love, love without any guarantees. And while in the moment it seems folly to let the blind heart lead, it is like a compass that doesn't need sight to find true north. It is like a homing pigeon that flies straight to the unseen miracle. Heart decisions are scary decisions because they often defy reason. But as I look back over my life, the risk to love is the only redeeming thing; the richest choice I ever made. The heart is blind, true; but she saves the day every time.

I've noticed that my voice as a writer has gotten stronger with each passing year until now I'm not ashamed to shout my truth. Curiously, my real voice has softened over time as I realized that gentle and subtle are more attractive anyway. When I was young, I was speaking from a place of knowledge alone. While knowledge educates, it can't pen a book that will move you to tears; it can't be the hand of compassion that reaches for another, it can't be... fully human. Only a heart can do that. It is the countless, sleepless nights facing life alone that has forged my story into gold. This was the real change agent; facing myself. It has gifted me with a stronger and more relatable voice with which to gather others to me. Courageous writing is heart writing, and you must face your own heart squarely to hear its whispers. If you want a strong message, if you want to reach more people then ever before, reach inside and pull up your heart, holding it up for others to see. It may be uncomfortable at times, it may even be painful, but your heart's voice is the only authentic voice you've been given, and to ignore it is to unwittingly allow someone else's hand to dictate your history.

It's what you say to yourself when you're staring at the ceiling late at night that other people can relate to, and are hoping you'll have the courage to say. This is because when one person steps out in a vulnerable way, that heroic action goes out like a gentle but mighty wave, seducing and melting the feigned strength and misunderstandings all around. As if by magic, other hearts begin unlocking, and the dull air becomes lighter and brighter. Everyone is chuckling through the tears now, mainly at themselves: at the door they kept shut so tightly. Standing on the other side of it, it's easy to see the door was more like a window, and it was meant to stay open. The fresh air feels right and reminds them that everyone is a beautiful mess inside. The thoughts that were haunting them, the unspoken mysteries inside-especially the longings that kept them awake at night were really weaving a song, and to not sing that song would be like stealing a songbird's voice.

Go inside, because most people only go on the outside. The softest part of the fruit is at the center. Go inward and find your own shaky, fumbling, uncertain voice. Your center has something to say. It has a message-it always has. While you may have forgotten it or dropped it along the way, if your heart's still beating, there's still plenty of time. Believing your heart isn't really the hard part; the hard part is fighting it. That will wear you out faster than anything. If your heart's tired of fighting, it's not because it wasn't meant to. The heart was designed for courage; the courage of a lion... just look what you've come through! Your heart's always fighting for something, isn't it? At the center of you is a fighter who keeps being resurrected time and again. If your heart's tired, it's been fighting in the wrong direction. It's been arguing with the mind, having to answer to its ridiculous rules again. The minute you give way to the roll of the ocean wave it will flood in, washing away the doubt and mistrust, and you'll see clearly again: the door that slammed shut was really a window all along. The fighter in the center of you would rather fight for the only thing worth fighting for: love... sweet love.

Listening to your heart isn't dangerous; not listening to the voice beating inside is the only danger you'll ever face. Your mind will always have its strong opinions; it will go on proclaiming its rightness; that you can count on. Yet only the heart knows the way. It knows the way out of doubt and confusion. It knows the way out of mistrust and cynicism. It knows the way out of stagnation and boredom. It knows the way out of the basement of your soul; it knows which way is up, and it knows where the light hides. Your heart is a compass, and when you train yourself to see without having to see, all that was unsolved in your heart will unravel before your disbelieving mind. Let it marvel! Let it call you kooky, or any other label or name it wants to give you because it doesn't understand. Let them all marvel-because believing in your heart only leads to one place: your freedom. All your heart wants is for you to be free; free of the tyrannical mind. Most of all, believe in your heart because it will always tell you the truth.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Believe-In-Your-Heart&id=9459703

Living In the Dulcetly Stark Tones of Grief

"Most days I feel like I'm living someone else's life. Like this really can't be happening right now..."

"I'd rather have it this way cause I really don't want to be living this life."

- Heather Miller

These are the words of a recently bereaved mother of a two-month-old baby girl. There's something very stark and all-too-real in these words; something tantalisingly hellish like, "This cannot be my life I'm living; this, what dominates my mind, and cavorts with my heart, and has taken over my life, is worse than I could have imagined life could ever become."

This sort of experience of life - the death of a life that was - is an antecedent to new life in this same person. But how are they to know? They hold on in faith - that there is meaning in this - and even if that sounds insulting, that they can hang on in hope that this pain won't be an utter and meaningless waste.

***

Living in shock of grief - which is waking up knowing the nightmare has recommenced - stretches your understanding for goodness. Suddenly your world is stormed by terrorists who attack from within; mind, heart and sinew are cocooned in grief.

Living in the shock of grief is a rare place to be, and its timing is often irrelevant, because with calamitous grief there's generally the sense of total devastation to connection to life. The world continues to turn, but our shades are drawn and no light nor life can enter in.

The grief of losing an infant, and in this case an infant with complications, leaves us with a grief that's most difficult to reconcile. A pregnancy long sought for, and in some cases a decade or more, and what comes at the end of it is inextricable loss. How can such things be? Even as I communicate with this bereaved mother I have no words of comfort without sounding brash, cliché or false. All I can offer are my prayers and kindness (which are enough, by the way). All I can say is, "You inspire me... you're so courageous to keep stepping through this." Yet that is enough to say.

***

An imminent grief is a grief all too real. It leaves us feeling we're living a life that's estranged to our own. We may feel all the goodness in our own life has died. Waking from our slumber is about as bad as it can get at times, for at least unconsciousness is a brief reprieve from torrential thoughts and feelings of loss.

Although such grief appears to be rare in its occurrence, suffering like this is around, and probably within our social orbit somewhere. Remind the person that their experience is real, and that, even though you can't know the depth of their anguish, that it is real, and that you admire their courage. It may not seem like much of an encouragement, but to someone grieving, to be called courageous is a great encouragement.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Living-In-the-Dulcetly-Stark-Tones-of-Grief&id=9305103

I Successfully Manage Challenges in Life

As some of you may have found out already, life can be tough and at times it is hard to go on. It might just last for a short period of time, or seemingly forever. Do we quit? Do we give up? Definitely not! If you have a strong purpose in life, a big WHY you do what you do, you will never be defeated! Don't forget, and keep in mind, you are not the first person to face a challenge, and it also won't be the last time you will be challenged. Hope will carry you through, and hope will never let you give up. With hope in your heart you will see better days ahead, and look at the hardships you are facing, as a means to elevate yourself to a higher plateau. Look at a person enjoying a great mountaintop view, they did not fall up the mountain. They went through the challenges of climbing up the mountain, finally reaching the summit.

As we go through life, discouragements and nasty storms may hit us so hard, that we consider throwing in the towel. Life is never easy, and you may not know how courageous you really are, until you are in a situation, where the only thing that will save you is your courage. Your inner strength not only has the ability to persist through hardship, but also the ability to wait out the storm. Learn from a palm tree, when the winds are blowing hard it will just bend, and after the storm passes, it stands tall once again. As with the palm tree, nothing can get you down, if you build on your inner strength, and take charge of your thoughts.

Never let the negative winds from well-meaning friends turn into a storm by feeding on their input. Remember, garbage in - garbage out! Feed your mind with positive things. Surround yourself with positive people, who support you when life gets rough. Keep in mind, as a man thinkest in his heart and mind, so is he. With a positive mindset, and a positive support system, you can overcome any challenge in life. It all depends on you. You can turn any obstacle you face, into a testimonial of your courage. Life's challenges are the gateway to greater possibilities!

It all starts with a goal

Setting Goals to Keep Yourself Motivated.

Some of us look at the achievements of successful people in awe, and think that you have to be some kind of a god to elevate yourself to such high standards, but the truth behind their success is that they take all of the emotions that come their way, whether good or bad, and direct them towards achieving their goals. We are all human, and as humans we are prone to ups and downs. You will undoubtedly find setbacks along the way. This is just the way life is. What keeps successful people going, is that they react to these setbacks by picking themselves up, and keeping their minds focused.

Making Your Mind Work for You

Successful people always have "success" on their minds. This is why, wherever they are, or whatever they do, the one thing on their minds is how best to achieve the goals that they have set

When you understand how your brain works, it becomes easier to achieve the goals you set out for yourself. The first step is, of course, setting goals. Next you want to visualize yourself having achieved these goals, and how great you will feel about yourself once you have achieved them, and how much you will enjoy the process of getting there.

http://ezinearticles.com/?I-Successfully-Manage-Challenges-in-Life&id=9312608

7 Ways 'Fearless' People Conquer Fear

5. They overprepare but they don't overreact.

You may believe that brave and courageous people have no fear. Wrong. Courageous people are as afraid as anyone else. It is actually their fear that makes them courageous, not the lack of it. But they manage their fear differently. It’s not a stretch to say that people who truly have no fear are either sociopaths or have severe brain damage. For the rest of us, being "fearless" means knowing how to leverage fear. How do fearless people do that? How do they become fearless without being thoughtless?

1. They respect fear.

Fearless people are not afraid to be afraid. They are comfortable acknowledging their fear. They know fear is hardwired into our nervous system and therefore impossible to shut down. They understand that the role of fear is to warn and protect, not to scare and prevent. For them fear is not an enemy. It is an ally that guides them through high-stakes situations and ensures goal achievement.

2. They understand the mechanics of fear.

Fearless people recognize that fear is a complex experience made up of interactive physical, emotional, and mental components. They know that fear goes beyond feelings of worry and dread, and that their own thoughts can exacerbate their fears by making things seem scarier than they really are. They understand that their own actions can determine the degree of impact fear will have on their lives. 

3. They explore the origin of their fear.

When fear arises, fearless people don’t let it linger. They want to know what is causing it. Fearless people realize that fear is not so much about what scares you but about why it scares you. And there are 3 main reasons why something scares you:

• Biology: You are designed to be scared of it. There are a number of things that we are genetically predisposed to be afraid of—snakes, for example.
   
• Past experience: It (or something very similar) scared you a lot in the past. Fear can be learned and conditioned. If you have been in a bad car accident, you may become afraid of driving.
   
• Forecasting: You worry about the future. Fear emerges when you expect that your predicament or your actions could have serious and harmful consequences for your life, your health, your freedom, your relationships, or your self-esteem.

4. They focus on building confidence.

There is no better antidote to fear than self-confidence. The more confident you are about your ability to handle what scares you, the more secure you will feel. Building confidence is a result of acquiring knowledge, mastering a skill, and gaining experience. Getting the facts lessens the intensity of fear by making things seem less scary and more preventable. Mastering a skill, whether public speaking or job interviewing, shifts your focus from fear of failing to active coping. Finally, the more experience, direct or vicarious, you gain, the less of a barrier to success fear becomes.

5. They over-prepare without overreacting.

Fearless people don’t spend time worrying about the worst-case scenario—they prepare for it. They make a plan, and they have a backup plan. They over-prepare without overreacting, obsessing, or ruminating. In Chapman University survey, more than 50% of respondents stated that they were very afraid they would experience a natural or man-made disaster in their lifetime, and 86% believed that preparing ahead of time (e.g., putting together an emergency kit) would increase their odds of survival significantly. Yet, only one in four had actually made any efforts to prepare for such an event. Imagine how much more scared those three out of four people will be when the Weather Channel outlines the path of a powerful hurricane.

6. They take action despite their fear, not because of it.

Ultimately, what determines the outcomes you achieve in life are the actions you do or do not take. And fear will interfere. Fear-engineered actions range from tackling what scares you head on to working through it despite your fear. Fearless people strategize. They plan and evaluate their actions. They know when to push forward and when to pull back. They know what risks are worth taking and which ones they should avoid. And when things get out of hand. . .

7. They are not afraid to ask for help.

Despite its incredible evolutionary value, fear is not a fun feeling. It is an inherently unpleasant experience that causes physical discomfort, emotional distress, and mental turmoil. When a person doesn't deal with fear properly, it can become pathological. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, almost one out of five adults will suffer from an anxiety disorder in a given year. The psychiatric literature reports over 100 phobias, disorders which manifest in a persistent and irrational fear of objects or situations. Fearless people know when to seek help. When a worry becomes excessive and anxiety interferes with daily life, it is time to consult a professional.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/smashing-the-brainblocks/201512/7-ways-fearless-people-conquer-fear

John C. Maxwell: The If Factor

From boll weevils to market collapses, your resolve can overcome any adversity.

Once there was a young woman who complained to her father about her life and how hard things were for her. Adversity was overwhelming her, and she wanted to give up.

As he listened, her father filled three pots with water and brought them to a boil. Into the first he put carrots, into the second he put eggs, and into the third he put ground coffee beans. He let them simmer and cool, then asked her to feel the now-squishy carrots and examine the hardened eggs. Then he told her to taste the rich drink made from coffee beans and plain water.

“When you face adversity, how do you respond?” he asked. “Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?”

Life is filled with adversity. We can be squashed by it. We can allow it to make us hard. Or we can make the best of it. I detail these outcomes in my latest book, Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn, from which this lesson is adapted.

We generally can’t choose our hardships, but we can choose how we respond to them. If we respond positively to difficulties, the outcome potentially will be positive. If we respond negatively to our difficulties, the outcome probably will be negative. That’s why I call our response “The If Factor.” Here’s what I mean:

1. Adversity introduces us to ourselves, if we want to know ourselves.

If we are courageous, difficult times can create an opportunity for self-examination and self-discovery. Unfortunately, many people choose to hide. They build walls, close their eyes, run away, medicate themselves and find other ways of escaping reality. If that is your response to adversity, you will never understand the situation or  yourself.

I love a story speaker Tony Robbins tells about two victims of chance—one who wins the lottery and another who is paralyzed in an accident. Three years later, why is the paralyzed person the happier of the two? The lottery winner had looked outside himself to make changes in his life. The paralyzed person, in contrast, is introduced to his potential self through adversity. He rises to challenges he never knew he could face. And he comes to appreciate the good things in his life as he never did before.

2. Adversity is a better teacher than success, if we want to learn from it.

You’ve probably heard the saying, “When the pupil is ready, the teacher will come.” That’s not necessarily true. With adversity, the teacher will come whether the pupil is ready or not.

Philosopher and author Emmet Fox said, “It is the law that any difficulties that can come to you at any time, no matter what they are, must be exactly what you need most at the moment, to enable you to take the next step forward by overcoming them. The only real misfortune, the only real tragedy, comes when we suffer without learning the lesson.”

It requires the right mindset and a deliberate intention to find the lesson in a loss. If we don’t embrace those things, all we end up with are the scars.

3. Adversity opens doors for new opportunities, if we want to learn from it.

“Most of us are taught, beginning in kindergarten, that mistakes are bad,” noted Kim Kiyosaki, co-founder of the Rich Dad Co. “How often did you hear, ‘Don’t make a mistake!’ In reality, the way we learn is by making mistakes. A mistake simply shows you something you didn’t know.”

One of my favorite examples of this comes from a legend dating to the 1870s. As the story goes, a worker at Procter & Gamble forgot to turn off a machine that was mixing soap. He packaged the “ruined” soap anyway, and hoped for the best. The company was soon flooded with letters asking for more soap bars that floated. A manufacturing mistake led to an opportunity, the creation of Ivory soap. Learn to take advantage of the opportunities adversity presents.

4. Adversity can signal a coming positive transition, if we respond correctly.

In 1915 the people of Coffee County, Ala., were devastated after boll weevils destroyed their cotton crop—their economic lifeblood. What would they do?

Grow peanuts, suggested scientist George Washington Carver, who also found that the versatile legume could be used to make soap, ink, plastics and cosmetics, opening the local economy to a brighter future. Carver viewed the crop failure not as a disaster but as an opportunity for transition. Like Carver, we can use adversity as a catalyst for change.

5. Adversity brings profit as well as pain, if we expect it and plan for it.

In the movie Black Hawk Down, a vehicle filled with wounded American soldiers lurches to a stop amid a hail of Somali bullets. An officer orders a soldier to get in and drive.

“But I’m shot, colonel,” says the soldier.

“Everybody’s shot,” responds the officer. “Get in and drive!”

We should all expect pain. But I think what distinguishes successful people is that they plan for it, and by doing so, benefit from it. I once heard FedEx founder Fred Smith recount an interview between Olympic gold medalist pole-vaulter Bob Richards and some younger Olympians. Richards asked, “What did you do when you began to hurt?” None of these athletes were surprised by the question. They expected pain and had a strategy for dealing with it. As Richards summarized, “You never win the gold without hurting.”

6. Adversity writes our story, and if our response is right, the story will be good.

Consider the tales of golfers Jack Nicklaus and Tony Jacklin. Nicklaus narrowly lost the U.S. Open in 1982, and pundits thought the legend was too old to win another major tournament, but he went on to a victory in The Masters four years later, at age 46.

Contrast that with Jacklin, who melted under pressure near the end of the 1972 British Open. “I had the heart ripped out of me,” Jacklin later said. “I was never the same.”

What story will you write? Adversity without triumph is not inspiring; it’s depressing. Adversity without growth is not encouraging; it’s discouraging. Adversity can create a story of hope and success. I hope that is the tale you write.

http://www.success.com/article/john-c-maxwell-the-if-factor

Learning how to fall is a big part of Success

Would you agree with this?

The most important thing in life… is learning how to fall.
~Jeannette Walls

Most of us know that, on our road to Success, we’ve failed more often than we have succeeded. We’ve had to face a lot of pain, but we’ve put up with it for the eventual gain.

When we were learning to walk, we took so many falls that it became natural to us. Babies and toddlers think nothing of falling. But as we grow older, we begin to fear falls, both physical and metaphorical.

From the school yard to the Board Room or in the wide arena of life, failure has a stigma attached to it. But it should not be that way. Anyone who has become an expert at anything, achieved great things, done great deeds or become famous in their professional sphere knows failure is part of success. It is an essential part of success.

It is dangerous to shun failure or to never have experienced it

In fact, it is dangerous to shun failure or to never have experienced it. Children and young people who have everything going for them, and have yet to experience setbacks or failures are referred to as ‘fragile thoroughbreds’. This is because failures early in life make children more resilient. They learn to easily pick up and carry on after setbacks. But facing major setbacks after an ‘easy’ life lacking challenges can make young people fragile.

Knowing how to handle failure, and having a positive mindset about it it also important for success.

Those with a fixed mindset, who believe they have to “be good” as they are, rather than in their own potential for improvement,  are the ones who take failures most to heart. And as a result, minor setbacks make them stop trying. And that is bad. It prevents them from reaching their full potential.

Whether they are 8, 18 or 80, people with a fixed mindset are prone to limit themselves to only activities and efforts that have a high degree of success. How limiting can that be, whether in sports, arts, in a profession or vocation?

Great success comes from failures

It is no secret that great success comes from failures. Those who can learn from failures, those who believe we can improve with effort are the real winners in life. Ability to overcome fear of failure is a key component of success.

He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.

In sports, in academics, in business, in any sphere of life or business you wish to consider, the real winners are those who have tasted bitter failure, not just once, but many times over.

A growth mindset is necessary for success

This is especially so where continuous effort is necessary to keep winning. Anyone can be a winner once in a while. But you need a good attitude towards success to be a ‘real’ winner.

Let us look at a few examples of those who have what psychologist Carol Dweck calls a growth mindset.

Not only do they believe in “becoming better”–as opposed to “being good”–they actually welcome failures and setbacks because they know there is much to learn from such experiences.

Michael Jordan

I’ve failed over and over and over again. That is why I succeed.

Nelson Mandela

Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.

J.K. Rowling

J.K. Rowling knows about failure and rejection. Twelve publishers rejected her manuscript. One year later, one publisher gave her a chance but told her to get a day job since she had little change of making money in children’s books.

It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all–in which case, you fail by default.

Thomas Alva Edison

And we cannot forget the classic quote on failure and success from the inventor of the light bulb about his invention  process.

I have not failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.

Bill Gates

It’s fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.

The lesson is clear: Try to learn from failures

We, in America, are obsessed with success stories. But in the words of Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam:

Don’t read success stories, you will only get a message.

Read failure stories, you will get some ideas to get success.

In other words…

Most great people have attained their greatest success just one step beyond their greatest failure.~Napoleon Hill

Find ways to overcome failure and the fear of failure.

If fear paralyzes you, you will not try anything.

https://robertcullen3s.wordpress.com/2015/12/11/learning-how-to-fall-is-a-big-part-of-success/