Be Kind to Yourself

We have always been taught to be kind to others right from our childhood, but more often than not, we forget about being kind to ourselves. Sometimes, we can be really bitter self-critics and bring ourselves down. Many of us neglect taking care of ourselves emotionally. Life is tough in itself, and there really is no reason to make it harder than it has to be. Just think about it for a moment, the energy we spend worrying about our future, dwelling in our past, comparing ourselves to others, and judging ourselves, never having to spend any of that energy on such trivial things.

Do not associate being kind to yourself as being selfish. We need to realize that it is okay to care for ourselves, and start believing that we deserve to be happy too. Start being kind to yourself and your confidence will improve. It is very important to be kind to yourself in order to have a healthy self-esteem. In the beginning, it may feel awkward to do so, saying things that making you feel better, because we seldom do it. Doing it in small amounts everyday can really boost your mood and self-esteem. If we are able to be kind and gentle towards others, we should be able to treat ourselves the same way as well.

You can begin by quashing all self-doubt about yourself. Cheer yourself up. Be your own biggest motivator. Start thinking about all the good things you have done out of selflessness and rejoice in those memories. Be kind to your mind and do things that make you feel positive. Stop holding grudges as they are an unnecessary burden. Mistakes are a part of life and it's absolutely okay to do mistakes. It is what makes us human. Grudges take a toll on us both physically and emotionally, so just learn from them and set yourself free.

Take a moment to give yourself credit for all the things you have done. We move through so fast through our days, we often forget to give ourselves credit which makes us unhappy. Do kind things for your mind. Take some time in the morning or evening to read a book or listen to some music or to do something that really brings you joy. If you are enjoying it, take more time. Always remember to be kind to yourself. Always ask yourself, "Have I been kind to myself today?"

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How to Develop a Heart As Big As a House

The Hawaiian word "Ho"omaika'I", means to have a spirit of gratitude and thankfulness. "He'opu halau" means to have a heart as big as a house. This is said of a person who is kind, gracious and hospitable. This quality of loving kindness in encouraged in the Hawaiian culture as a way of expressing aloha or love. During this month of November when we celebrate Thanksgiving, let us remember that thankfulness, kindness and generosity are qualities that are learned, and take patience and practice to develop.

We learn to be grateful as kids when the adults around us talk about thankfulness and why it is important. They may also teach us to write "mahalo" or thank you cards and to express thanks with smiles, hugs and offerings of food. But, we may not have grown up in families that taught us to value developing an attitude of gratitude. The good news is that it is never too late to acquire this skill. We can even learn how to appreciate and express thankfulness when situations seem especially challenging. 

These times of pain that life bring, are often the greatest opportunities for spiritual growth in our lives and in the lives of those we love. Yet, rarely do you hear a person say "Thank you for this loss" or "Thanks for this pain in my life". It is easy to give thanks for the simple things like the sky, ocean, family, friends, having a place to live, and health, but giving thanks for the unexpected hardships that life brings takes a mature soul's perspective.

This response can be learned as an individual nurtures the awakening of their higher self in their life. The shift from being a victim to life circumstances to being a conscious participant in life's drama, is a huge quantum leap in consciousness. To become gratitude for painful soul growth experiences is to recognize that true aliveness comes from embracing all of life, not just the good and easy times. Some of my most profound thankfulness has come, after being shaken awake by the death of a friend. Suddenly just the gift of life is a miracle to be cherished and honored. Anything that I take for granted, becomes valuable when it is lost. To learn to be a true spiritual master upon this plane of suffering and strife is to cultivate an attitude of gratitude regardless of the situation. There is always somebody worse off than you and this perspective can indeed bring humility and grace. Each hardship is an opportunity to grow in faith and love in a divine plan.

With a crisis, there often comes the acceptance that we need to allow or invite help or support from another. Crisis is also an opportunity to become more sensitive to the feelings of others and develop empathy and compassion. We become closer to others through adversities if we are willing to gratefully reach out rather than withdraw when times get tough 

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I can now say that I am grateful for both the good times and the bad times in life. I have learned that the easy flowing periods of life, comfort me when the challenges come. Rather than letting the hurdles stop me from being grateful and trusting in life, I can now say "Thank you". Thank you infinite universe for this opportunity to stretch beyond my known way of being, into a larger perspective. This is the nature of life: to humble and teach us to trust that no matter how things appear there is a lot to be grateful for. 

May your heart be as big as a house, and may you have a very Happy Thanksgiving.

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The Story of My Kind Friend

My friend and I were about to board a bus home but as a rule, we were supposed to wait for all alighting from the bus to get off before we boarded. With an anxious look on almost all faces, people were patient to wait for their turn to alight or board the bus. We patiently waited as those who had reached their destination gave room for each other to alight. In the midst of the hustle, one particular man caught my attention and my friend's. He was elderly probably in his 70s, had a walking stick on his right hand, stooped posture directed to one side and involuntary movements. He obviously needed help in a lighting from the bus since he had reached his destination,but you know, lending a helping hand could be refused. Nevertheless, my friend extended her hand and reached for his. He held it and climbed down safely. He returned the gesture with a 'thank you' and a smile that warmed my heart. My friend smiled back to him and the moment that will forever be registered in my mind was over.

Then I pondered, how many people have I denied help just because I fear the rejection of hearing 'no', 'It's OK', 'never mind', 'I'm fine', 'I can handle this' and so many similar expressions. Well if I were to count, I'm sure it will be too numerous to put a definite number on it. Nevertheless, should that be an excuse to be less kind? I feel it should not. We all need a shoulder to lean on at some point in our lives.

So, the new normal is, show some love to others, honor them and show some kindness in any little way you can. It could be a smile, it could be a kind word, it could be meeting their most pressing need at that time, it could be as simple as a pat or a hug, it could be a listening ear, it could be a piece of advice, it could be carrying stuffs for them or running an errand. Yet it could be lending a helping hand just as my friend did. Be it small or be it large, just show someone some love, you don't know the last time they received some, show someone some kindness. Don't wait till tomorrow to help when you can actually be of help today. You don't know whose day you will make with just a little act of kindness.

Be intentional about it.

Simply put, be intentionally kind.

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All Done by Kindness

Advit, a 6 year old boy, went to school with his father every day. On his way he saw an old man in tattered clothes, sitting in a corner, half asleep. One day he asked his father, "Dad, Who is he? Why doesn't he go to his home"?

His father replied, "Son, he is a man who does not have enough money to buy good clothes, or live in his own house. So, he lives there". Son replied "But daddy, that is a pedestrian path".

Next day, while passing from there, he got down the car and went to the old man. "Daddu" said Advit and opened his lunch box. The old man looked up with his eyes swollen and wet. For the first time someone had called the old man Daddu. Tears of happiness rolled down Daddu's wrinkled face.

Advit smiled, hugged Daddu and gave him the rose he had.

The old man brimmed with emotions. Advit's affectionate gesture brought cheerfulness and positivity to the many that stood there. Such is the power of kindness.

Kindness is when you treat people gently with love, affection, and care. It is something that comes from within. It is not a thing to be mastered but if you are kind, if you have the benevolence within, the feeling is striking.

An act of kindness cannot be defined; an act of kindness is shown!

A sneak peek into a few kind gestures:

1. Say good morning to the person standing next to you in the elevator. 

2. Give surprises - It's a Mother's day or a father's day, gift them something. Nothing can make you happier than an unexpected gift or a gesture. 

3. Do some Charity - there are kids, old people, youngsters battling with some serious illnesses, going through tough times- help them. Donate your stuff. 

4. Give compliments- somebody has done his task tremendously well. Congratulate him. Give him a pat. Praise him. 

5. Say 'awesome!' - She dressed up nicely to go out with you. You say "you look good". No! Say awesome instead. Give them cards, hug them, buy gifts for them, and send some flowers. 

6. Always say Please, Sorry and Thank You - be polite while talking. When you say sorry, mean it. Don't order anyone. If you want someone's help, always request. Thank people for helping, how so ever minor the help be. 

7. Listen, don't interrupt- do not underestimate the power of listening. People do not always need a solution. At times they just need you to listen to them. Let them do the talking. Listen patiently. 

8. Salute the brave - that little kid saved you from a cockroach, acknowledge it. Salute him for his bravery. 

9. Stop for the pedestrian to cross the road. 

10. Give way to ambulance. 

11. Help the old lady carrying groceries. Hold the bag for her. Help her climb the stairs. 

12. Express - Say I love you to someone you love. Say that you care. 

13. Offer your seat to the needy. 

14. Take pains- don't buy a card for your friend's birthday, make one yourself instead. It might be the cheapest gift but it'll be the most treasured one. 

15. Teach the underprivileged - a lot many people do not have access to education. Spread the knowledge, teach them for free. 

16. Aid the wounded animal. Take him to a vet. 

17. Smile at a stranger or say hello. May be he is having a bad day and your smile can be a healer.Yes, smile a lot, it costs nothing. 

18. Spread positivity- help the person stay positive by motivating and encouraging him. Tell him how you failed and then pulled back stories. 

19. Help the differently able.

And it's a never ending list.

We barely notice the smaller things in life. Make people feel loved, be kind to them, help them and take pleasure in a healthier living. Your little gestures can make someone's day. Your smile can set all their problems to rest. Remember, at the end of the day pen down things you have done to make others happy. Keep a track of your good deeds. This will make you merrier.

There is a popular saying "What goes around comes around". Be kind to people, spread kindness, it'll definitely come back to you.

"Kindness is the language which even a deaf can hear and the blind can see".

What can be more powerful then? Let kindness do the talking! Be known for your kindness.

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A Better You? Don't Forget the Self-Compassion Ingredient

Our modern culture encourages self-criticism because it believes that it actually motivates us to be successful and without fail, frowns on any individual who believes in extending compassion to themselves. What the society is not aware of, is that self-criticism is actually self-destructive motivator; is like giving a child a hand-grenade to play with - it will eventually blow them up. Self-criticism plants the feeling of unhappiness and lack of self-esteem in its victim and that feeling stays with them even if they become successful later in life.

Self-criticism becomes a ball of chain that holds its prey down in the long run.

Society needs to preach self-compassion. Self-compassion is the ability of one to not only feel sympathy for others, but also the ability to enclose themselves in that compassion; being kind, taking one's interests and being into consideration during trials and disappointments. People with self-compassion tend to:

• find happiness,
• feel as part of their society,
• be content with who they are in life,
• gain in-depth understanding of the world easily,
• be responsible for themselves and their actions,
• be optimistic; they do not let adversity define them.
• easily rebound from their mistakes with ease because of their emotional resilience.

One of the fatal mistakes that people tend to make is to confuse self-compassion with self-pity; the truth is, the two are just a world apart. A person with the former personality knows how to treat themselves with love and sympathy whilst a person with the latter is usually prone to exaggerating their personal problems and will easily drift into self-absorbed sorrow over their misfortune.

A person who suffers from self-pity has a habit of believing that they are victims of the situation even if evidence says otherwise. People with self-pity are usually prone to invite everyone and anyone who cares enough to listen to them to their misery party and anyone who tries to assist them by trying to shake them from that emotional path is deemed to be an enemy.

Take an example of an example of two people with the same predicament but with different temperament:

Student A and Student B sat for their end of year examinations. Both of the students failed the examination and par the College Board regulations, they are both required to resit for their examinations.

Student A was disappointed with the results; he sat down and went over the things that might have led to him failing. Amongst the list were lack of motivation and poor study habits. He told himself that failure is part of life and should never define a person but what should, is the actions that follow the setback. He decided to step up and be responsible towards his schoolwork and study hard and smart in preparation for his retake.

Student B on the other hand blamed his lecturers for not being good enough, he claimed that he was not given enough time to prepare himself (even though he had a whole year to do so); he also claimed that the exam was leaked to some students but when asked to bring forward evidence or to bring the case to the board he claimed he had no time for that; above all, he argued that the lecturers at his college hate him and that is why they failed him (he wrote the examination online and he got his marks before he left the exam room). He however overlooked the fact that he did not attend most of his classes; he came drunk to the exam room.

The difference between the two students is that Student A owned up to his mistakes first and then extended self-compassion to himself whilst Student B decided to wallop in self-pity and victimised himself.

Self-compassion is having the skill of giving one's best even after going through adversity because of the awareness and acknowledgement that failure and part and parcel of life and as such should not be feared. It the ability to transcend disappointment and seeing one's self as capable but above all is having flexible mind-set rather than a rigid one that will enable them to bounce back.

People who are self-compassionate usually treat themselves kindly and fairly and therefore tend to develop emotional resilience. Simply put, self-compassion is practising the Reverse Golden Rule: treat yourself as you would treat others. It should be noted that Reverse Golden Rule is best practised by an individual who already practice the Golden Rule.

Ways to improve self-compassion:

• Learn to forgive yourself for any mistakes you have committed in the past and take in account that mistakes are part of life and therefore you are bound to make them in the future. Self-judgement does not solve any problem, as matter of fact it makes matters worse as it makes an individual see all their wrongs.

• Give yourself positive talks; express your gratitude to yourself for all the times you have managed to meet your goals or have risen above failure. Avoid down-talking yourself at any cause.

• Treat yourself the same way you will treat someone you care about who is going through difficulties.

• Give yourself an occasional hugs especially whenever going through disappointments. Practice mind and spiritual purification and self-reflection activities such as yoga.

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