Hello Darkness, My Old Friend, I've Come to Talk With You Again. (By Steve Wickham)

Empathy in the individual is a massively important quality. Though it is a felt kind of trait, not strictly related with intelligence quotient, I think it is a cornerstone in the development of intelligence. Here's why. When we have the capacity of feeling for others, we truly connect with our world and the fiasco of self is ended.

At least that is the theory!

But empathy isn't the end of it. It's just the beginning. Once our empathy is acquired it doesn't stay with us statically; it can grow or rescind. We may develop it, but the tricky thing is we can also grow our skill for tapping artificially into it. In other words, we can learn to fake it.

Anyone can appear caring.

We need to be suspicious about those who appear as caring without actually feeling moved.

But the truth is that's me. There's a darkness in me to be able to continue as a pastor and counsellor and not be traumatised. Some would call it a thick skin. I know I'm capable of feeling enormous empathy, but it's moderated hugely now by my mind. Of a sense, I can control it. On one level such control is good. It helps me do my job. But at another level I feel cut off from what I could possibly be feeling. Or, I mourn the fact that I'm not as emotional as I once was or upset by things many other people are. In a weaker moment, I can truly wonder if there is darkness in me to the degree that my conscience is somewhat seared. But I know what I think, and that convinces me - my thinking conveys reprehensibility for the things that would otherwise gut me.

See how there is the entrance into the reality of my darkness. I'm not afraid of finding out how dark my soul could be. It would trouble me where I was to find darkness. And it has. But it only troubles me to the degree that I am impelled to do something about it. Yet this is just one example. I am still vulnerable in areas where I think I'm right, where I could be wrong, where pride can still be the predictable initial response. Pride is never too far away as an immediate response I must be awake to. Pride driven of fear that I'm not, in fact, all that I think I am. Still, there are hidden darknesses that I am yet to be made aware of that elicits the prayer, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'

You may have heard the song The Boxer by Simon and Garfunkel, which says, 'A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.' This is so true to our human nature, that we cannot see what others see, and what others see we disregard, because we can only see our truth, and it forever polarises us in conflict with others who disagree. We are forlorn to war and battle and to decry justice and to fight for 'justice', and the biggest irony of all is the supposed social justice warrior insists they are right, and if only things were turned their way all would be right with the world. Sorry, I don't buy it. Yet, there are those on the Right who cannot bear that they also might be wrong. I see so much at the polarities that is untrustworthy. Both sides manipulate truth to satisfy their need and prop up their position.

Could it be possible that we are all wrong?

If all of us could be wrong, and if only God can truly be right, all the time, what might that convince us to do? The trouble is, especially in the Christian world, we tend to think that God is on our side, when there are other Christians who see the world differently and believe God is on their side. Could it be possible that we are both partially right? If that is true, we are both partially wrong, as well. Where does all this thinking lead us?

Hopefully it leads us to the place of bringing our sinful opinionatedness to the cross, to confess our need of Jesus, and to repent toward the possibility of those truths that we cannot yet see. All we need to do is acknowledge that we cannot see everything.

We can only fix 'us' in Jesus' name.

The 'other' is the Holy Spirit's project.

Imagine this scenario: standing before God's Judgment Seat on the day we finally meet Him.

We hear the record of our lives. Together with our record as it is read out, we hear others' records read out; those whose lives paralleled ours, and especially, as it pertains to this topic, we hear those records of those people we might praise and despise.

Gradually we are enlightened as we listen, and begin to comprehend the facts we never knew, which are the things we always did that we thought were right but that weren't wholly right, and those things that others did that we thought were wrong, that weren't wholly wrong.

We hear the record of this other person we could not forgive, and for the first time in our lives we see how truly lovable they are, because the perception of God is added to us.

We begin to see who they actually are from the experiences that had shaped their lives. And suddenly there is a sense of remorse, because we did not, or chose not to, see what we could have always seen if only we had been openhearted.

In the immediacy of this moment, suddenly God makes us angelic to the point that all our eyes can see is truth, and from that truth is the full portion of grace, because, for the first time in our lives, we understood that grace can only be understood and extended from the perspective of the fullness of truth.

Then, after seemingly a long silence and pause,

God speaks these words gently:

'You seem surprised, My son/daughter.

'Did you not assume that you too had blind spots? Did you not plan for this day? Did you assume all along that you had read me right, whilst thinking all along others who love me read me all wrong? Did you assume that the moment you pledged yourself to Jesus resolved your sin in its entirety? Were you not concerned at all that from the moment you pledged to follow My Son that you did not grow as much as you ought to have? Do you arrive here imagining you are at the top of the hierarchy of mortals in heaven? Did you live your life that way? Of course, you are thinking right now, "You know it all, God, so I really have no defence." Of course, the prosecution rests, for My questions of you are not judgment as you think they are Judgment. Until now you have been geared to think of everything against your view as judgment. I offer these rhetorical questions to you to bring you to the truth that causes repentance, which is an eternal commitment to and commission for the truth.

'My Grace has covered you; you are loved and you are mine, but I would not love you if I did not bring this truth to you. Now, enjoy my heavenly kingdom, knowing you can only now do good and be good to all.'

What if our world was suddenly full of people, every single one of us, who saw immediately where we were wrong, instead of being right all the time? Of course, this is not a picture of earth, it is a picture of heaven on earth, but not of the new heaven and earth where there will be no wrong.

Could it be our opportunity, here as we live our lives, to live with our wrongness at the forefront of our awareness, as the principal modus operandi for living at peace with everyone, so far as it depends on us?

I started this article talking about empathy. If we, ourselves, do not have empathy we have no hope of realising the potential that God stowed in us from the beginning.

Please do not think this is referring to anybody else but yourself. It is so common for each of us to think about how others lack empathy or exude it too much, without facing the question for ourselves.

This is your time. This is your question.

Before the Lord of all the Ages.

This could be your opportunity to truly ask how devoted you are to truly following Jesus. What a golden opportunity it is, before your time, and mine, is up.

It is up to us to tell on our darkness before the darkness tells on us.

It's time to be honest and to ascribe honesty as our covenant of allegiance to Christ.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Hello-Darkness,-My-Old-Friend,-Ive-Come-to-Talk-With-You-Again&id=10003148

Be Thankful

The things I have learned to be thankful for:

If you have a car... be thankful

If you have a roof... be thankful

If you have any money in a savings account... be thankful

If you have more than just condiments in your refrigerator... be thankful

If you have supportive friends... be thankful

If you have an actual bed to sleep on... be thankful

If you have a supportive family... be thankful

If you have a job... be thankful

If you have enough strength to get through your daily REQUIREMENTS... be thankful

If you had enough to eat today... be thankful

If you have electricity... be thankful

If you have a safe neighborhood... be thankful

If you are not in fear of losing your roof... be thankful

If you've ever had enough to be able to bless another... be thankful

If you've never had a Christmas without presents... be thankful

If you've never had a Christmas without a tree... be thankful

If you've never had to pray your child will heal on their own because you couldn't afford a doctor... be thankful

If you have ever been able to take anything you have for granted... be thankful

There are so many more things we could add to this list - every day common things we just skip right past but that really affect people all around us:

If you've never been abused... be thankful

If you have more than dirt floors... be thankful

If you're children didn't have to be sold as slaves... be thankful

If you've never experienced addiction or incarceration... be thankful

If you've never known unexpected job loss or eviction... be thankful

We want to believe that somehow it is because of our own wonderfulness and intelligence and hard work that we've been able to avoid these things. But the truth is - it's by GRACE.

There is no way for us to protect ourselves from the pitfalls and tragedies of life and to think we somehow did and that those 'less fortunate' simply need to be 'more like us' - is presumptuous and rude.

Be thankful - and discover a different level of content and joy. None of us makes it entirely on our own. And recognising all the ways we've been blessed or helped along the way - recognizing how little control we really have, makes us appreciate all that we have just that little bit more.

And it allows us to have more acceptance and generosity towards those around us that are still learning the life lessons we have mastered. For only our assistance will help them reach new levels - not our rejection or judgementalism or declarations of how we got it all figured out.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Be-Thankful&id=8323094

Endurance Is Not Just The Ability To Bear A Hard Thing, But To Turn It Into Glory

Does anybody really think that they didn't get what they had because they didn't have the talent, the strength, the endurance or the commitment? In fact, endurance is patience concentrated. It is the only reason we even exist.

If you can learn to endure pain, you can survive anything. Some people learn to embrace it- to love it. No matter how much falls on us, we keep plowing ahead. That's the only way to keep the roads clear.

Human beings are the only creatures who are allowed to fail. That's how I learn, by falling flat on my face and picking myself up and starting all over again. It is easily mistaken as love for adversity. But no. It is about knowing strength and faith so great that adversity, in all its adverse manifestations, hardly even exists.

Humans shall not be defined by what they have suffered but how they have endured them. Whatever happens, God gives grace to endure and overcome the situation. With perseverance and endurance you can survive any storm. If you can endure, if you can persevere, if you can work and not grow weary, if you're both obsessed and talented, well, you might have a shot.

Life is a race and it will be painful at times. Facing the trials of any situation by persisting to move forward requires endurance. It's the glory of reaching the goal and capturing the prize. Whatever it is we desire or yearn for, say "yes" to it. Soon, you will be living your new direction.

When we love ourselves, we will work hard for ourselves. Without love there is no drive. Love is the fuel for endurance. There is nothing more motivating than wanting to feel better. Love is what gets us through the "isn't this horrible" times and the antidote to despair is action.

To have endurance we need to be in consistent action, especially in the face of adversity. We need to put faith behind our action showing we believe things will be better than before if we keep working hard and moving. It's not as easy to just "be tougher," though.

Keeping strong in the face of adversity is the ability to keep your focus and determination despite the difficulties you encounter. Events in our life rarely go the way we'd like them to, but that doesn't mean you have to let it throw you off your goal. Mental toughness gives you the tenacity to learn from your mistakes without the devastating blow failure can sometimes deal. This resilience and fortitude also gives you the strength to keep emotions in check when something in your life seems overwhelming and you need to be strong.

Essentially, mental toughness and emotional endurance are the voices in the back of your head that tells you to keep going, keep pushing, and keep trying, even when the going gets tough.

Sometimes we feel that it's the end of the world when we encounter a series of problems in life but no, it's not. It's just the beginning of our journey towards our goal. With persistence and endurance, nothing can stop us from reaching our dreams.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Endurance-Is-Not-Just-The-Ability-To-Bear-A-Hard-Thing,-But-To-Turn-It-Into-Glory&id=9665988

I'm Not Here for a Long Time, But I'm Here for a Good Time

As I was jogging this morning my iPod popped on the lyrics: "I'm not here for a long time, but I'm here for a good time" by George Strait. The melody flows gently while also empowering feet and mind to run, and that is not found in just any old tune. Yesterday my dear friend lost her mother. Her mom, lovingly called Mimi, had fallen last winter and broken her arm and while the break had healed, she had not returned to her vibrant self. Pale and worn in appearance, her smile still radiated, but with a little less intensity, and some of her vitality was diminished.

Mimi had served as our city's public librarian for the last 50 years. She was just about ready to retire and a search for her replacement had begun but her official exit papers had not been signed. Because of this latter, her years of paying into the state retirement system apply to naught. Instead of drawing her pension for many years to come, it simply rolls back into the retirement plan. This seems both satisfactory and horrible. Horrible because she worked so long and invested so much but will not reap the rewards; satisfactory because Mimi loved her job, worked hard, and had not been ready to leave it until just a few months ago. So I guess she enjoyed her good time, even though she was not here for a long time, at least not long enough.

Yes, Mimi had had a degree of longevity; I am guessing about 75 years. I base this on her years of employment added to the ages of her children. Mimi's appearance and demeanor belied her age, however, as she wore the most lovely, fashionable clothing in brilliant colors with flowing design and her hair magically rolled into a sort of top-knot with wispy frills decorating all angles. She exuded freshness and friendliness, and of course, there was that beautiful smile. I imagine anyone who visited our library a time or two would know her and remember her professionalism as well as her down-to-earth attitude. She guided and helped while teaching the value of books, research sources, and the contents of "her" library.

Mimi's granddaughter explained to me that Mimi had visited her and her children just two nights before her death, as affable and gracious as ever, sharing fresh peaches from her tree with her two great-grandsons. "When the boys got on her nerves, she headed home," Granddaughter smiled. "I would have never guessed... " and two days later, with symptoms of the flu as her sole indicator, Mimi was gone.

And so while Mimi was not here for a long time, she must have been having a good time. Dedicated to her job and to her family, she did not seem interested in travel or even leaving home for very long. While she had plenty of money, she did not live extravagantly but rather with quiet grace. Her gentleness combined with competence transformed her into a sort of icon of dignity and charm in our community, coupled with kindness and understanding. I will always remember her elegance; I will work to emulate her style and poise. I thank her for her friendship and for adding to the essence of my life.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Im-Not-Here-for-a-Long-Time,-But-Im-Here-for-a-Good-Time&id=9157498

How to Attack Life’s Challenges with Grace

Most of us are suffering from something. We’re suffering something in a relationship somewhere. Some of us are suffering physically. Some of us are suffering emotionally. There’s a lot of suffering in the world and people often ask me, “How do you deal with it?”

I think I have a unique approach, I would say, after having been through a lot in my life. I’ve been through car accidents, brain injuries, and broken nearly every bone, it feels like at this point in my life, from adventures and accidents I’ve had.

Maybe you know my stories. I’ve been through a lot physically and emotionally in my life, from the brain injury that left me in a challenged situation with such a deep concussion that I was struggling everyday to control my emotions, my motivation, and try to figure out how to heal properly and physically from the rest of the things that have happened to me.

I’ve also gone through some emotional suffering like anyone else from losing people, loss of love and of life.

We all go through things, but a lot of people when they say they’re suffering or they’re really challenged or hurt and angry, there’s a lot to it, but what’s the ultimate solution? No matter where we are, how do we break through that and overcome it?

I call it my war and peace model. My war and peace model is if you have a challenge or a problem, including suffering in your life, you have to go to war at it and you have to have peace about it.

Here’s what I mean by that. I had a friend recently who said, “Brendon I’m suffering in my marriage.”

I said, “What do you mean you’re suffering in your marriage?”

He said, “We’re not clicking. We’re not doing well. I don’t know what’s going on.”

I said tell me more about that.

He said, “We started going to counseling.”

I said, “Great, how’s that going?”

He says it’s not working. “We go to counseling and then we go home and we fight some more.”

I said, “What else are you doing?”

He says, “What do you mean?”

"What else are you doing?"

He said, “We’re going to counseling.”

I said, “Yeah I know, but what else are you doing?”

And therein lied his problem. And therein lies a lot of folk’s problem in overcoming things in their life.

They try one thing to solve it and that’s why they fail.

Major challenges, major frustrations and major problems in our lives, demand multiple areas of attack.

It’s like when you go to war, you send in the planes, the ground troops and people from the flank and the front. You go at it from all sides trying to win.

So if you have a major challenge, problem or struggle in your life, you need to attack from all sides.

This guy, I was like,  ”Hey, you know what, you need to go out and start interviewing couples who have been married for a long period of time. What were their secrets? What books are you reading? What are you reading online? Who are you connecting with who can mentor you and coach you through, besides the counselor? What are you doing specifically, activities, real things? How are you being more present? Tell me, what are all the strategies you’re putting into this game to win?”

He was like what?

I know that’s overwhelming to people, but come on. Are you really going to overcome your challenges if you don’t overwhelm them? You’re so overwhelmed with the suffering, the challenge and frustrations, but you need to start overwhelming those things with the number of areas that you’re hitting that baby.

I remember when I went bankrupt, I was like okay, I have this dream to write these books and to become a trainer. I’m going to try everything. I’m going to bust through this thing. I’m going to put every direction I can on this thing to move the needle financially in my life and then when I get one that hits, boom! I’m going to commit to that and work it. If something else isn’t working enough, then I’ll add another element, another strategy and stack all these strategies on until POW! I took that thing out.

I think that’s what we have to do. We have to overwhelm the very obstacles we have in our lives in order to obliterate them.

Now, if that sounds like way too much masculine energy for you that’s okay, because I said the strategy is called war and peace.

We also have to learn to be at peace with the struggles. We have to learn to be patient with them as well. We have to allow the struggle in our life.

I always say to people, honor the struggle, honor the suffering, honor the challenges, honor that deep dark frustration, those emotions that are negative and those things that really freak us out. Honor those things.

If you have struggle in your life, honor it.

Know that thing has been put before you by divine hand, in order to challenge you, in order to make you a better person, in order to make you more loving, in order to make you pay attention, in order to make you to honor and find the zest in life.

And, if you don’t believe in a divine hand, the cosmos or anything, at least look at it and say maybe this thing I could use to appreciate life even better.

If you can never obliterate that thing or fix it, at least be at peace with what it is. It’s like war and peace.

I lost my dad to acute myeloid leukemia in 2009, and from diagnosis to death was just 59 days, so we didn’t have a lot of time. One of the things I remember from that experience that I’m still and always amazed by was the peace that he had in the final weeks about his life going away. He accepted it. He fought what he could. He was a Marine, so believe me, he fought. He accepted as well. He knew he was doing his best. He was putting full play in force to overcome that, went through multiple chemos, multiple challenges, and everything else he could. As he was going through it, he was also at peace with it.

There’s a presence to being a warrior. You’ve heard the Peaceful Warrior concept. It’s like, you can have a presence and a peace to it. While you’re fighting, to know that maybe you can’t change the outcome. But you’re going to work your best towards it, and as you’re working your best towards it, you’re going to be okay with yourself and you’re going to honor that the struggle is okay.

That working through, being frustrated and challenged, scared or overwhelmed or freaked out, as you’re working through something, it’s okay.

Be at peace with it. Look at it and say, “This is the way it’s supposed to be right now. I’m trying to make it better, but as the world is right now I’m okay with it.”

To accept the world as it is, is a higher level of consciousness. Even as we seek to change it.

It doesn’t have to mean we approve of it. I’m not saying we have to approve of it. I’m definitely not saying we have to settle with it. But to accept it as it is, to have no negative attachment or baggage about the way the world is right now. It’s like no, no, it’s cool. Everything is good right now.

You don’t need anything else. Right now wherever you are, struggling through and suffering with things, I get it, it’s okay. Now, what are we going to try to do to improve it?

Asking those types of questions and finding that type of peace, as we work from every angle to improve our lives, that makes us smarter. That makes us more likely to break through. And that’s the journey that I hope we can all take together as we do face those inevitable struggles, those inevitable sufferings and challenges of life.

To meet them with that style of grace and positive attitude, that style of presence and consciousness, what more could we ask from living the charged life?

http://brendonburchard.tumblr.com/post/85326310378/how-to-attack-lifes-challenges-with-grace

5 Questions The World's Most Successful People Ask Themselves

We all want to be happy and healthy, but for many of us that means reaching a certain level of success as well. I have created a list of questions to help gauge your level of success.

If you want to be successful beyond your wildest dreams, ask yourself the questions the world’s most successful people ask themselves.

1. Am I failing enough?

Thomas Edison said it best, “I am not a failure, I just found 1,000 ways electricity will not work.” But with a little more perseverance, electricity was born. Never give up on your dreams — keep going! With each new failure you have a new opportunity to achieve success. If you aren’t failing enough, you aren’t trying hard enough.

2. How much fun am I having?

Successful people gauge their success by the amount of fun they're having. Successful people absolutely love their jobs, so for many it doesn’t feel like they work a day of their life — in fact it's mostly play.

3. Do I use my fear to motivate action?

We all have fears, but the difference between successful people and those who ignore their dreams is fear. Successful people use their fear to motivate them to action instead of letting it take them out of the game and pull them under. Fear can be used as a tool to help guide you to your inspiration.

4. Am I connected to my inspiration?

The world’s most successful people stay inspired and use their inspiration to create new ideas. Inspiration is the catalyst to self-actualization.

5. Am I in a state of flow?

Uber-successful people ride the waves of life with grace and ease, instead of fighting against the current and pushing in directions that are closed. Relax into the natural rhythm of your life and watch your dreams come true.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-13206/5-questions-the-worlds-most-successful-people-ask-themselves.html