Trampled By Holiday Anxiety? How to Psychologically Protect Yourself All-Year Long

The dust has finally settled.

And the holiday stampede is trailing off in the distance. It can bring love, joy, gratitude and deep connection with family... but also shock waves of stress and anxiety along with it.

Here are two common causes of anxiety and stress that run rampant for the Holidays.

(But if you read carefully, you'll notice these two ring true all-year long)

1) Overwhelmed with commitments

For many their schedule is bursting at the seams... spend titanic amounts of time with family... having to go visit this relative... go to this event... go to this party. It's easy to be pulled in all different directions. Sometimes we're not able to make everything happen. Sometimes we even disappoint certain family members in the process.

Plus, unlike other times of the year, it's harder to escape these commitments.

2) Driven to create the perfect holiday

There's staggering pressure for making it the best experience, purchasing the best gifts, preparing the best meals - all while holding it together for loved ones. And while this care for others is admirable it leaves a trail of exhaustion, overwhelm and stress in its wake.

So what's the holiday goer to do?

Just about everyone I've met who struggles with holiday anxiety gets caught up in a vicious cycle of taking care of everyone else... but themselves. And this happens year-round too, doesn't it?

If I can hand you one shiny gift this year it's this:

I challenge you to reignite your focus on taking care of yourself.

You deserve it.

You'll enjoy it.

You'll be more productive.

You'll be happier.

You'll be less stressed.

You'll be stronger.

You'll serve others better.

However, some people believe:

If they take care of themselves, it'll take away from others.

Quite the contrary...

The more you take care of yourself, the more you can take care of others.

In fact, researchers Van Yperen, Buunk, and Schaufeli, published a study in the Journal of Applied Psychology on this connection. They found that health care professionals that were more immune to burnout were those who helped others but also sought out help and support when they needed it.

It's like that safety lecture on a plane. In an emergency when those yellow rubber masks flop down from the ceiling, the instructions are: "Please secure your own mask before those around you"

Same thing here:

If you want to help others, we have to help ourselves.

If you want others to be at their best, we have at to be at our best.

And there are lots of ways to make that happen.

Here's a jump-start though:

What activities energize you?

What hobbies or activities allow you to be at your best?

What activities really make you happy?

What activities used to bring joy to your life?

And then get the ball rolling on those again.

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5 Tips for Learning to Prioritize Yourself (By Moriah Polanco)

I'm currently under the weather. I suspect it's because I've been pushing myself really hard lately. While posting a blog might be more work than I should be doing at the moment, it feels like there's no time like the present to write today's blog post on the importance of rest and self love.

One of the biggest struggles we have is balancing work and rest. We are expected to work 40+ hours a week at a job and then come home and start our home job: taking care of kids, taking care of pets, cooking, cleaning, house repairs, bills, yard work, etc.

Life is a very busy place. It's easy to get caught up in the busyness of life, leaving no time for ourselves. People often only rest when it is forced upon them. It is usually forced on them when illness strikes. Illness is often our body's way of overriding our mind's intense desire to keep working. Once you're sick, you're finally being forced to lie in bed and rest, away from work and other activities.

If we pay attention to our body's signals, we don't have to wait until we are sick to rest. We can rest on our own time. In fact, resting when we are well, is probably a much better experience, than resting when we are sick!

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I am currently a living example. It's easy to overlook your body's signals to slow down when you've gained a lot of momentum towards working. Lately, I've been burning the candle at both ends with daily tasks like those listed above along with my excitement around relaunching ATX Energy. My body made sure I knew it was time to slow down when I suddenly developed a dry, sore throat. I took this as a cue to pull away from work a bit and have some downtime.

It's never easy to pull away from something for fear that when you let go, everything will fall apart or what work you've done will disappear. This is simply not true. In fact, we must pull away in order to maintain good work. When you let go of something, you allow it to bloom and flourish. It is common for people to think it is selfish to take time for yourself. The irony is that it is the least selfish thing you could ever do. When you are well rested and happy, you have more energy for others and the world. Just as the airplane safety message has you put the oxygen mask over yourself first, you must take care of yourself first or there is no possibility of helping others.

Here are five tips to help you prioritize YOU:

1) Set aside time each day or week devoted to "me time." Define what "me time" means to you and let others know what you're doing. Make sure it is something that truly replenishes you and doesn't include other people's desires. It could be a nice bath, going for a walk, getting a manicure, gardening, taking a nap, creating some art, etc.

2) Spend some time reflecting on your life. Do you compromise yourself for others? Do you enjoy your day or do you wake up full of dread? Does your body give you signals to slow down or maybe speed up? Check in with yourself and see how things are flowing for you.

3) Learn to say no. Naturally, we want to be helpful and don't want to let others down, so it is often more comfortable to say yes rather than no. That small bit of comfort is short-lived though, soon replaced with the stress of wearing ourselves too thin. Be conscious of how often you say yes and imagine what it will look like down the road. Always remember that taking care of yourself allows you to take care of others. Don't feel guilty!

4) Don't be afraid to ask for help. It's easy to become unhappy when others don't reciprocate your generous and kind acts or offer a helping hand when needed. Most people are not mind readers, so communicate to them what you need. You'd be surprised how well this works. On a side note, don't do for others with the expectation of having the favor returned, unless this exchange has been openly communicated. You may end up tired and resentful otherwise.

5) Make sure you get enough sleep. This is a simple one, but can be difficult to achieve, yet crucial for mental and physical health. Develop an evening routine where work stops at a specific hour. That also means trying to reduce social media consumption! Avoid stimulating activities like the news, suspenseful and scary TV, or overly engaging conversations. Make a commitment to getting in bed earlier.

Everything in life has an ebb and a flow with peaks and valleys. Some days you have energy to accomplish a great deal. At the opposite end, there are days when you have less energy and need to do less. Life is about balance and accepting yourself as you are, in whatever state you're in. By accepting your reality, there is less of a struggle. When there is less of a struggle, there is less suffering. Sometimes just giving yourself permission to feel bad can make all the difference.

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Why Knowing How And When To Be Mean Will Help You Live a Happy, Successful Life

"Still looking for that one person who can change your life? Take a good look in the mirror." Roman Price

Before we discuss "Being Mean" there's one very important point that we must address:

"Love Thyself." "You must place yourself above anyone and everyone... you must come first."

This is the number one fundamental life precept that you must understand, accept and be totally faithful to, if you're going to be happy and successful.

Selfish? No. Prudent and wise? Very!

It's not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself and to make your happiness a priority. It's a necessity.

You don't actually have to be in love with yourself immediately, but you do have to at least like yourself. "Liking" will work fine in the beginning. Loving yourself will come and when it does, it should be met at the front door with arms wide open.

Right now you need to learn how to sustain yourself and remain mentally vigorous as you move forward towards a happy, successful life. Taking care of yourself with effective nurture and self-encouragement will help establish a secure and fortified cerebral and emotionally insulated virtual outpost for you to function from.

You must obstinately bind yourself to the affirmation that the one person who absolutely, positively must be on your side and in your corner at all times, is none other than "You."

Concentrate on "you" first. Get to know the real "you", flaws and all. Build a mutually beneficial and mutually respectful relationship with "you" first. Worry about the rest of "us'" later.

Why is it so important to cultivate self-love and self-respect?

I'm glad you asked...

1 - In my opinion there's only one genuine honest-to-goodness answer and that's: If not you then who?

How can you expect people to like or respect you if you can't find a reason to like or respect yourself?

The people closest to you in your personal life and in your business life are usually a reflection of how you feel about yourself. Like and respect yourself enough and you'll find yourself surrounded by quality like-minded people who like and respect you as well.

2 - "Liking" yourself and "liking" who you are is the spark that ignites the power that generates indomitable strength and an invincible will to succeed in any of life's endeavors.

"Self-like" acts as a catalyst that sets off a chain-reaction whereby urgent messages and updates are deployed to the deepest recesses of your mind. The vital mission of these messages and updates is to advocate for you and reaffirm that you're ready and able to start, or continue, your success quest, and that you deserve to achieve whatever you want to achieve.

Please Note: We're not talking about the egocentric posture where you only think about yourself and always try to manipulate people for your own selfish reasons.

It's about you "liking" yourself enough that it creates an impressive energy source that's able to generate the strength and willingness you need to share your success and for you to be mentally available to others that might need your support and help.

"Liking" yourself and being kind to yourself is not only beneficial to you but it creates a safe and comfortable place for the people around you to come and visit. Knowing and feeling that you're worthy of love will encourage you to reach out to people and to let people reach out to you.

A respected and "well liked" warrior within is a warrior that is untouchable and indefatigable. Your warrior within will cherish your love and self-respect and reward you with an inexhaustible supply of motivation and an abundant amount of endurance.

Some Advice: Don't try to change everything at once. It won't work and trying to will only wear you down and discourage you. Small steps rock. Focus on making one small change at a time. Changes made in small increments is appropriate and definitely the way to go.

The Success Quest Commences:

I laid out what I recognize as the foundation and infrastructure for a happy, successful life. You understand it and accept it.

You're now feeling good about yourself and you decide that you're not going to stay where you are. You want a happier, more interesting, more fulfilling and a more successful life. At this point you'll set down a strategic plan on how to do that. Your priorities should be to build a success support community and a success support arsenal.

Developing and Mastering "Self- like" and "Self-Respect" will also provide you with the strength and fortitude to confront, rebuff and to cope with obstacles. This also includes humans if they represent interference, conflict and they threaten to hinder or impede your progress.

You'll find that your success and setbacks can all be traced back to an interaction or interactions with " a Human or Humans." That's inevitable and "it is what it is."

Speaking of Humans:

I'd like to introduce you to one of the most compelling, commanding tools in your success support arsenal that most people take for granted and waste it by using it aimlessly, non-strategically and worst of all, dangerously.

Being Mean:

Something to Think About: "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret" Unknown

This tool that's in your success support arsenal will give you the support that you'll need in order to endure, avert or deflect obstacles and in particular, human obstacles.

Why You Gotta Be Mean:

"Sometimes being too nice is dangerous and you have to show your mean side once in a while to avoid getting hurt." Unknown

"Being Mean" is appropriate and applicable when used for the right reasons. Don't feel bad and don't feel guilty. When used accurately and sparingly "Being Mean" is just an effective tool in life's pushing and pulling.

This is a success support tool that's meant to protect you physically and mentally. The degree of "Meanness" that you use will depend on the kind of protection that you need.

What is "Being Mean" and how do you use it?

There are 3 levels of "Being Mean":

Level 1 Mild: At this level you would be firm, brusque, stoic, forward or rude. You would also be unwilling to give or share things: Especially your money, your clothes, your home, your thoughts or your significant other.

Protection Against: This level is to use on the socially stupid and the narcissists who have no respect for borders and boundaries. In addition, this level is appropriate for annoying, irritating, ungrateful wise guys or gals. Moochers or scroungers are easily repelled with "mild meanness."

"Mild Meanness" is also a prudent initiatory strike level to begin a dispute. Starting off "Mildly Mean" and low key is always prudent and always a safe bet. You could always turn up the heat to the next level if you find that the other person is not being affected at this degree of meanness.

Level 2 Medium: At this level you would be nasty, foul in spirit, verbally foul, spiteful, unkind, hardened, unyielding, contemptible, hateful, rotten or unfair.

Protection Against: This level is to be used for the person who not only "doesn't get it" but they don't care about you and your feelings. This person is totally oblivious to the "shot across the bow" that had your signature on it.

You find yourself on this level when your statement or gesture, intended to frighten this person into changing their course of action, went unheeded. If you moved up to this level, then this person obviously does not deserve your respect or your compassion. Give them what they deserve.

Level 3 Hot: At this level you would be Vicious, cruel, depraved, ferocious, fierce, harsh merciless, ruthless, severe or exhibiting extreme aggression in behavior and words.

Protection Against: This is a stressful level. This is the level where you take no prisoners. This level is where you discern imminent danger to you and your loved ones. There's no negotiating or reasoning at this level. You do and say what's needed to avoid and eliminate danger from your personal space.

Personal Note: Other uses for Level #3

1 - I've gone to this level in cases where someone was "threatening" me financially and in some cases when someone tried to hurt my company, or me and my partners by trying to discredit us.

2 - I'm not proud of it but I even went to this level when I was coaching soccer for my son's team many years ago. The coach from the other team was extremely aggressive and threatening and I had to go straight to "hot."

3 - I've used this "Hot" level in situations where I started at "mild," and had to rapidly move to "medium" to no avail. The "Hot" level had to be used.

4 - Another use of "Being Mean" is for the dramatic effect. It could be used in the old good guy/bad guy routine or the bad guy/good gal routine on the kids or in buying a house or in buying a car.

Here you could choose any level. With the children you and your significant other would obviously select level#1.

In business I used Level #3 to provoke an opposing lawyer so badly that he wanted to physically fight with me.

The opposing side walked in with 4 lawyers and folders with notes 4 feet high. That immediately got me crazy and wound up. I calmed down and knew what I had to do to cut him off at the knees and end this charade. The opposing lawyer started his questions. I went to level #1 and by his third question I was on Level #3 and fiercely stirring the pot.

Eventually the opposing lawyer screamed an obscenity directed at my mother and I returned the favor. I turned my head, winked at my partner and my lawyer and told the opposing side to make a deal or I'll reveal information that will have their client end up in jail. Jail? Obviously I left out a few details here. We ended the negotiations in 45 minutes. We saved tens of thousands of dollars in litigation fees and we saved 7 figures in our settlement.

The Best part of it all.. . The opposing side told my partner and my lawyer that they thought that I was crazy.

Some advice for when you first feel any level of "mean" coming on:

A - There's a big difference between using the "Hot" level for imminently dangerous situations and using it on a human where "mild" and "medium" was just not working. Be careful and try to avoid this level if in a non-threatening situation. The results are usually not very pretty here in the "Hot" level.

It's okay to rip someone apart if they deserve it but you must know that the ripple effect conundrum resulting from your actions could present even bigger challenges and more intense conflict in the days ahead and sometimes, in the years ahead.

A quote I recently read: "Don't do something permanently stupid just because you're temporarily upset"

B - Before you get to "Being Mean" try: "Being strong, but not rude; Being kind, but not weak; Being bold, but not a bully; Being humble,but not timid; Being proud, but not arrogant." Jim Rohn

C - Always start out "Being Mean" in the mild level and mentally retreat for a few moments before you turn up the heat to the next level. You can dial it back but it get's very messy real fast.

D - It's OK to rip into someone and bring them to their knees but always try to do it privately where it's possible for them to "save face" and, only if it's safe for you and it's something that you're comfortable with.

E - It's a good idea when it all calms down, and if you were the one who initiated the verbal attack, to step back, take a moment to pull it together and then "pick them up" and make nice. Being the bigger person in a situation takes humility, restraint and is a sign of a strong character. Use that strength to take control.

F - In life, you'll realize that there is a purpose for every human that you meet. Some are there to test you. Some will use you. Some will teach you. And some will bring out the best in you. The point? Give people the benefit of the doubt at first. If you find that they've crossed your "line" then move into a 'Being Mean" mode and insulate and safeguard you and the people that are important to you.

Of course, if you don't care about them or your future together just walk away if you feel that they got the message.

Final Advice: Like yourself and take charge of your life. Be diligent about it. Be flexible about it. Be open minded about it. Be on the lookout for new opportunities for it. Be open to meeting new people for it. Be happy and be successful. It's your life and you're the boss of that life.

The old tried-and-blue is the perfect advice on how to take charge of your life as much as possible:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference."

"Don't settle. Don't finish crappy books. If you don't like the menu, leave the restaurant. If you're not on the right path, get off it." Chris Brogan

Good luck. You'll do fine. Stay safe out there. Never give up. Never ever. You cannot fail if you refuse to give up.

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