The Stockdale Paradox - Coping With Hard Times

What Is The Stockdale Paradox?

The Stockdale Paradox is named after the late James Stockdale, former vice presidential candidate, naval commander and prisoner of war during the American-Vietnam war.

It became well known having been featured in author and business guru Jim Collins' book "Good To Great" following extensive interviews between Collins and Stockdale exploring how Stockdale survived 8 years of imprisonment and torture.

Collins' specific focus was to identify the principles that underpinned Stockdale's survival and emergence at the end of the war as not only unbroken but as source of practical inspiration.

Balancing realism and optimism in a dire situation is a key to survival and success

What the Stockdale Paradox means is that in times of prolonged and seemingly never-ending hardship, set-backs, suffering and distress we need to maintain optimism that we will survive and pull through, and yet, at the same time, balance that with a total realism and practicality about the harsh present realities.

In Stockdale's own words:

"You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end - which you can never afford to lose - with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be."

Paraphrased to its core:

Hope for the best, but acknowledge and prepare for the worst

Such paradoxical thinking is one of the defining philosophies of many who have made it through severe hardship and eventually reached their goals.

BUT, this paradox contradicts the law of attraction and so much of the output of the self-help industry.

Suffering IS an integral part of the human condition. It is as though there is an inbuilt design flaw that ensures that we all suffer at some point, one way or another.

Right now at time of writing we are all suffering in some way as we come to terms with the aftermath of the Covid pandemic.

Coping With The Attrition Factor

Many, maybe most, of us are capable of coping with challenges and difficulties in the short to medium term.

But in my experience once a challenging situation drags on beyond the one year mark we start to flag, and after two years - with no end in sight - it gets really tough.

This is what I call the attrition factor.

It is this point that we need to develop the Stockdale Paradox and take it to the next level.

This means that in addition to maintaining a hope for the future and a pragmatic realism about the present you need to do 3 further things:

(1) Find a way of dealing with the emotional side of your pragmatic realism.

There are times when there is nothing more we can do to alleviate the situation. In these circumstances we have two powerful options: we can resist it or we can accept it.

# The biggest key to all this is to behave and respond in ways that may be completely alien to us by allowing and cultivating a very deep acceptance of what is happening and acknowledging that we are not in control of circumstances and - counter cultural and counter intuitive as this sounds - to go with the flow.

# The more we can surrender to the flow then the more we automatically become aligned to a far greater dimension of our consciousness than we may have ever previously experienced - this really is the key

# It is this alignment with the flow that is the dynamic that will pull us through this difficult situation and it is this alignment that is the source of our self-motivation through and beyond present difficult circumstances

# Whether we realise it or not, whether we accept it or not, there is always a spiritual dynamic at work in these situations

(2) Recognise and understand that you are not your thoughts

Our thoughts can drive us crazy, especially in these difficult situations that drag on, and on...

We don't have complete control over our instinctive emotions, they're largely involuntary and that's part of being human. What we do have, though, is control over how we choose to respond to those feelings.

The key to this lies in understanding that:

What matters is not the content of your thoughts but your relationship with your thoughts.

(3) Transform your "dead time" into "alive time"

In "Alive Time vs Dead Time" - I asked the question:

"When you can't work because you have no work, when you feel stuck and can see no way out of this situation, when you don't even know if there is an end of the tunnel, what do you do with your time?"

In difficult times like these, we can choose to just doss around and feel impatient, resentful, or angry.

Or we can we can exercise control over our use of this time figure a way to solve a problem, reach a goal, or help someone else with these things.

Dead time can be revived and transformed and used to our and others long term benefit. We can use this time to emerge from this overall situation a better and more resourceful person.

"I never lost faith in the end of the story. I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade." (Admiral James Stockton)

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Optimism and Thoughtlessness Are Not Synonyms

Ask people what optimism means and you will get a complete array of answers. From the 'glass half full' to 'seeing life through rose-tinted glasses,' or 'hopefulness about the future.' Optimism is one of those abstract and hard-to-define words that everybody thinks they understand. But what does it really mean?

These last few years, optimism has become a field of growing interest among experts, scientists and professionals. Authors like Professor Seligman and his 'relearned optimism' or the many studies proving the relationship between optimism and better health (like those by Julia Boehm and Laura Kubzansky, for example) indicate the level of interest there is for this topic. Many attempts have been made to clearly define this concept, but still different cultures and different fields of study explain it somehow differently, as culture also shapes the way in which the term is understood and interpreted.

Human beings are born optimists

When babies are born, they are always optimists. They expect the world to feed and care for them and for years wake up in the mornings believing that the new day will bring them happiness, adventure and fun. They face each moment like there is no other and enjoy it completely. A child plays and there's nothing else in the world but that game. The child will play the same game many times, and will not give up on it but persevere in the fun without questioning what comes next. Unless something deeply negative happens to alter that worldview, children remain deeply optimistic for quite a few of their first years, until their adults begin to chastise them for it and demand that they 'be more realistic,' or 'get their heads out of the clouds.'

Those same human beings then gradually start losing part of their optimism as life throws hurdles and problems at them and others recommend a less hopeful view on reality. They will start believing what others tell them and adapting their beliefs to their environment. Little by little, their natural optimism will dwindle and be replaced by a more somber worldview.

Lower levels of optimism result in poorer health and shorter life spans

Many of the studies carried out around the world have consistently proven that optimists live longer, happier and more rewarding lives. They've also been proven to be more resourceful and creative. There is an easy explanation to those results.

When pessimists face obstacles, they already believe that chances are they will fail, that things always go wrong, that they will not succeed. By the time they actually need to make the effort, they are so convinced of their failure that a) their effort is not absolute and b) they subconsciously sabotage themselves. As soon as they fail, then, they immediately tell themselves something like, 'see, I knew it was impossible.' That new failure thus reaffirms them once more.

Optimists, on the other hand, face obstacles believing that there always is a way to overcome them. They try to solve the situation one way. They might fail but that doesn't discourage them. They try another method and then another until they finally manage to overcome the problem and find a solution. They study their obstacles and ponder the different approaches to solving them. In their mind, there is no room for failure because they 'know' that they will succeed. Optimists never give up because they are convinced that there always is a way. By never giving up, then, optimists become more and more creative and start accumulating a great range of resources that make it easier to succeed at each attempt. That faith thus, results in them doing much more than pessimists and logically getting better results at the end.

All human beings are found somewhere between the two ends of this optimism-pessimism spectrum. Realism is just a way of describing those who are more in the middle of it. Realists, thus, have less resources than optimists but also fail less than pessimists.

Optimism is not thoughtlessness

Optimism, as just shown, is not just a matter of hope and expectations, but the conviction that good things will happen through a constant search for solutions. The true optimist is a hard-working, resourceful person who devotes a lot of energy and effort to reaching whatever goals are to be reached. A thoughtless person is not a true optimist because pursuing a goal without a plan barely ever leads to reaching it and optimists never give up. If one of the attempts to reach a goal is somehow thoughtless, it will likely fail, in which case the true optimist will think it over and formulate a new alternative, thus becoming the opposite of thoughtless. Thoughtlessness and optimism are therefore mutually exclusive in the longer run.

Optimism yields better results

As a result of the optimist's natural faith and hard-working habits, optimists become much better assets for companies and in general life. They push and drive, inspire and persevere. By not giving up, optimists become natural leaders and motivators.

Optimists rarely suffer from stress or burnout, either, as they don't worry but act. Stress and burnout stem from worry, from rumination and from fear, three attitudes that optimists naturally avoid by their own lookout on life. Consequently, optimists are less often sick or tense and end up developing a greater capacity to concentrate and focus on the task at hand.

Optimism can be recovered and relearned

As human beings grow up and live, society tries to instil a more sober view of life onto them as children and young people, thus slowly draining optimism from them. Without optimism, energy is low, motivation scarce and drive non-existent. That lack of optimism results in extreme personal and professional costs for families, companies and society as a whole. Fortunately, optimism can be relearned and developed. Like everything else in life, there isn't one formula-fits-all method for every human being. Optimism can be killed many different ways, and should therefore be reacquired by applying the right tools and methods, adapted to each person's needs and personal learning strategies.

Underlying subconscious beliefs can lead certain people to adopting a more pessimistic attitude in life. Fear is another trigger, as are pain, guilt or worry. A lot of professionals offer specific stress and burnout solutions to clients and patients but neglect to tackle the underlying problems that caused the original drain of energy and optimism. Only by solving and changing those will the human being truly recover that natural optimism that we are all born with.

If you wish to recover your drive, your motivation, your energy or if you want to help your team or your family to do the same, remember that each human being might have different reasons to feel the way they do and that specific tools and methods might be needed for each of them. Ask the professional you work with to present you with a detailed, personal plan for each person. If they fail to do that, look for a professional who does. Human beings are not robots and their complexity sometimes requires complex solutions. Those exist and can be used, believe me.

Enjoy life... ALL of it,

https://ezinearticles.com/?Optimism-and-Thoughtlessness-Are-Not-Synonyms&id=10018628

An Explanation of "What Comes Around, Goes Around" Really Means

Are you intrigued by the title? Do you know what it relates? For an understanding in depth, read on.

All emotions like love, smile, laugh, cry and anger carry energy. You are an abundance of one of these energies at a particular moment and you pass on those vibes to others.

Others catch these vibes and immediately depending on the type of vibe, they feel loved, happy, sad or angry. So it's important what vibes you are radiating moment to moment.

These vibes spread from community to community, the whole city, the whole nation and even start trespassing to the rest of the world.

So what comes around to people from you as an individual goes all around the earth. Knowing how badly it affects everyone, wouldn't you care to smile more and be full of optimism no matter what your current situation is. After all you do care about making the world a happier place to live in and surprising enough it all starts with you.

The next time you meet people, pass on good vibes to them, playing and laughing with them. Immediately the happy vibes reach across and spread and everybody automatically feels happier.

You can also show acts of kindness and love to your circle of people and as you guessed they will disseminate all around.

So remind yourself not to get mad, be cruel or harsh on anybody. You may be strict with your values and principles but that's different. It's the emotions that you show that really matter and go around.

Start with your own family. Be empathetic, soft, caring and loving towards your spouse and children. They will be happy and feel loved and spread those vibes on to the people they come across.

That's how you make a difference in a positive way in your world. It all starts small and ends up big. In fact, what comes around, goes around.

Now that you know the emotions you display affect others contagiously and the world at large, wouldn't you care to be affectionate and smile more at others? It not only makes others happy but also you stay happy. When you are at peace with yourself, it is easy and simple to be at peace with others.

So realize it all starts with you. The world simply mirrors back your emotional vibrations. So the next time you come across somebody feeling low in spirits, cheer them up and the happy vibes will be infectious going all around.

https://ezinearticles.com/?An-Explanation-of-What-Comes-Around,-Goes-Around-Really-Means&id=9782595

How Does Positivism Affect Our Lives?

For me at the beginning it was impossible. I realized that 95% of the day I am angry, sad, mad at life and full of negative thoughts.

Secondly I realized how irritation it is every single minute to try to switch. I gave up multiple times until one day I decided to be patient, persistent and really try. It took me two months to reduce the negativity from 95% to 75% and I realized the benefits of being positive. See, there is much more happening in our body, not only our mind, if we keep up with the high (happy) vibration.

So here are some facts that really shocking but in a good way.

Stress and how we better cope with it

Thinking positive thoughts is not always an easy thing and stressful situations will arise no matter how much you try to stay away from them. When you are a positive think, you can cope with these stress factors much better and more effectively compared to the pessimists. While pessimists tend to take problems as something that they cannot change, optimists will more likely come up with an action plan and call for advice and assistance from others for the issue to be resolved.

What I do when I am stressed out? I breathe deeply. I relax and let my brain soak deep into the situation happening at that very same moment. Have you ever regret the things you said or did when you were angry and stressed out? I did? That is why when you step back, sit and wait your brain calms and you feel confident and "sober" again. After anxiety is gone you can think straight and never regret the outcome. After all situations like this makes us stronger.

Strengthen your immune system with optimism

It has been recently discovered that a person's mind can have a powerful impact on one's body. If there is one area which can be greatly influenced by your attitudes and thoughts, that would be your immunity. Based on one study, when negative emotions are activated in the brain, a person's immune response to flu vaccine tends to be weaker. It was discovered that people who are positive about a crucial and particular area of their lives, like how they perform at work, showed a much stronger immune response as compared to the ones who nurse negative thoughts regarding the situation.

A positive mind will not just improve your immunity and ability of coping with stress. At the same time, this will affect your entire well-being. Experts associated several health benefits with optimism, which include less depression, reduced chances of death caused by cardiovascular issues and increased lifespan. Even though it is still unclear how positive thinking can benefit the health of a person, some say that people who nurse positive thoughts are the ones who follow a healthier lifestyle. As they cope better with stress and avoid unhealthy behaviors, they also improve their well being and health.

So, be positive, be healthy, it is that simple.

Flexibility

Being flexible means having the ability of coping with problems in different situations. Flexible people are the ones who can face a trauma or crisis with better resolve and strength.

They do not fall apart when stress comes their way and instead, they carry on, eventually overcoming the adversity. It is no longer surprising that flexibility is greatly affected by positive thinking. As mentioned earlier, optimists look for ways on how to fix an issue when faced with a challenge.

They do not give up hope and instead, they marshal the available resources and never have any qualms of asking for others' help.

Sticking to a positive mindset is very important, because with positive thoughts you will be able to create the path that you want. You won't be afraid of stepping out of your comfort zone and taking risks. You won't be imprison with thoughts of the past or worries about the future. And most of all, you will have faith in yourself. Because you are one talented, incredible, one of a kind human being. You are capable of everything you wish for.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-Does-Positivism-Affect-Our-Lives?&id=9816903

7 Steps Towards a Positive State of Mind

Most of us have heard the saying: The optimist sees the glass half full, while the pessimist sees it half-empty. In its simplest terms, positive thinking is optimism and negative thinking is pessimism. It is an attitude towards life, yourself and particular predicaments and events in life.

Positive thinkers quickly zone in on the positive side of even the darkest moments in their lives, and often see those predicaments as opportunities for growth and learning. Positive thinkers are resilient and able to deal with stressful situations in productive ways.

"Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine."- Anthony J. D'Angelo

Becoming a positive thinker is not necessarily something that will happen overnight. Depending on the severity of the negativity, it can take time to make appropriate changes.

The practice of positive thinking, and making it a character trait rather than a one-time thing, takes effort, patience, and time. If optimism is not natural to you, there are ways to turn it around.

Work towards combating the negativity you identified and maintaining an optimistic nature and use these steps as tools in the process.

7 Steps To A Positive Attitude

1. Say something positive whenever you think something negative. The tricky part about this is catching each negative thought as is happens. As much as possible, stop the negative thought as it happens and say something constructive to yourself, such as "today is going to be great."

Positive affirmations can be recited daily to reprogram the mind of negative thinking. There is a positive opposite for virtually everything negative...

"The weather is too hot." versus "The sun feels good on my skin."

"People at work are annoying." versus "It's great to a have a team to help with the workload."

"I look fat in that dress." versus "I look awesome in that dress."

"I screwed up again." versus "I made a mistake that I will learn from."

"I should be graduating at the top of my class." versus "I am so proud that I am graduating."

"All this snow is a hassle; it makes life harder and creates more work." versus "The snow left my backyard looking like a scene from a postcard."

"My husband cooked dinner for me, but it was only pasta." versus "I so appreciate my husband cooking dinner for me."

"I worked hard all day but did not get nearly enough done." versus "Wow, what a productive day I had at work."

2. Laugh often. Negative thinkers tend to be very uptight, and it's no wonder considering the heavy burden they often carry and the lack of positivity in their life. Allow yourself to laugh and often. Seek out scenarios where you laugh, like hanging out with funny people or visiting comedy clubs. Learn to see the humor in life, even during painful times. Laughter reduces stress, stops you from taking everything too seriously, and yields a more optimistic outlook.

3. Surround yourself with positive people. Negativity breeds more negativity. A positive attitude is contagious, and the best way to adopt such a thought process is to learn first-hand from a master. Having positive people in your life will allow you to view first-hand what it looks like, and positive people will give you uplifting advice, feed a positive outlook and problem solving suggestions, as opposed to negative people who will only want to sink in the muck with you and feed your negativity.

4. View every experience as a learning opportunity. Consider this scenario. A positive thinker finds out that their significant other has cheated. They break off the relationship, evaluate what went wrong, and attempt to learn from the situation, viewing it as a growing experience and a stepping-stone to a brighter future with someone else. Their process is a positive one that will include pain, and anger, but the way the positive thinker deals with it is constructive. The optimist knows that not everyone is a liar or a cheater, and that they can and will meet someone honest.

A negative thinker founds out that their significant other has been unfaithful and thinks thoughts like, "all men/women are liars and cheats;" I hate them all." They will dwell in the misery, and pain, and not view the experience as a learning process. They may become consumed by anger and hatred and generalize the entire opposite sex as evil, and eventually they may fall into a state of depression and experience anxiety and other ill health effects. Their next relationship may inevitably suffer, as their general distrust of the opposite sex will surely affect intimacy.

The positive thinker's resiliency and attitude allows them to grow through the painful experience, come out better for it on the other side, and avoid possible health manifestations that can result from negativity and its stress.

The negative thinker's own attitude will result in them missing an opportunity to grow, and the stress that attitude puts on their emotional and mental health will only harm them in the long run.

5. Adopt practices such as yoga, meditation, aromatherapy, tai chi and deep relaxation. These practices help you to focus your mind, build self-awareness, and obtain a deep peace. They also help you to maintain awareness about your thoughts and feelings, which helps you to control them so that you can build more positive energy in your mind and body.

6. Use positive affirmations. Our own inner dialogue determines our emotions, this means that we must be deliberate and conscious about what we say to ourselves. Speak positive affirmations to yourself every day, as they can help re-program your mind towards the positive mode and control your inner dialog.

Our mind is a garden and our attitudes are the seeds of its life, so plant healthy and weed regularly! Always repeat positive affirmations phrased in the present and personal tense, for example:

"I like myself!"

"I love today!"

"I love my life!"

"I see the positive in everything!"

"I can deal with anything!"

"I am strong!"

"I am optimistic!"

"I enjoy being around positive people!"

"I am aware of my thoughts"

And my favourite of all - "You are stronger than you seem, braver than you believe and far more capable than you think you are."

7. Practice Gratitude. There are multiple methods to transform your negative feelings. One of the fastest and highly effective ways is to harvest feelings of thankfulness and appreciation directed towards:

• Yourself

• Other people in your life

• Material things

• Your life circumstances

• And even strangers

Practice starting your day by focusing on being grateful, and bring to mind several specific things. This will help you move your mind towards positive thinking and positive energy vibrations.

There is nothing stopping you from achieving a more positive state of mind other than yourself. Start by acknowledging your negative thoughts, determining their source, and then transforming them into positivity.

http://ezinearticles.com/?7-Steps-Towards-a-Positive-State-of-Mind&id=9388784

What Psychologists Have to Say About the Science of Positive Thinking

Thinking one's way to success is an art that any individual can practice but only if they knew how. Hear out what psychologists have to say.

1. Richard Boyatzis:

Simple physical and mental exercises are capable of engaging a person's parasympathetic nervous system which is the anatomical part responsible for slowing the heart rate due to relaxation. As a result, a renewed optimism is attained thus leading to a better working relationship. A professor in psychology and cognitive science at the Case Western Reserve University, Boyatzis attests that engaging these parasympathetic systems via regular leisure and physical activities has proven to be recipes for stoking compassion together with creativity.

He proceeds to state that strain together with stress leads an individual to be emotionally, cognitively and ultimately perceptual impairment. He further goes ahead to say that a person who is stressed at their work place will never be capable of thinking outside the box. The reason is clear; they can't see the box in the first place.

Chronic stress is a hindrance for professionals together with those in leadership responsibilities to perform optimally. Prof. Richard argues that stress is an important aspect in our lives and it's the one that makes us to function. However, when the stress ends up being chronic, the body will always make good use of its defensive mechanism and that's to close down thus stopping the mind from functioning well.

2. Sarah Lewis, psychologist of a chartered organizational.

According to a report by Lewis, bad management together with workplace bullying ends up being some of the best recipes for a damaged mental and physical health on both sides of the bullying activities.

This therefore implies that if a person in a leadership position is suffering from chronic stress or is fond of bullying, the entire organization will never think outside the box thus it will fail to achieve its optimum potential. In addition, the effects may be channeled back to the children at home thus killing a whole generation as far as positivity is concerned.

Is it possible for positivity together with happiness to result into success?

There has always been a notion that success has always and will always lead to happiness. This is never true as the inverse is the only true fact about the subject. No matter how successful you are financially, if you don't like what you are doing, you will never be happy. On the contra wise, as long as you are happy in your field of interest, you will always want to do your best to achieve something within this area thus leading you to a success. It is happiness that results in to success but not the vice versa.

http://ezinearticles.com/?What-Psychologists-Have-to-Say-About-the-Science-of-Positive-Thinking&id=9377156

Are You Picking The Right Signal?

      

Do you know the working principle of radio that we use in daily life? I guess you know. Still, let me tell you that each station sends some signals of some specific frequency. And the receiver in your radio receives them. There are signals of all sorts roaming around. The frequency, to which your receiver is tuned, is received by the receiver. I think we all know that.

Now let's imagine all the humans on earth are receivers - that radio. And all the events are those stations - signal. Being a receiver, a variety of signal roams around you. Isn't it? Now, it's up to you to which frequency you tune yourself. Right? And accordingly, you can enjoy all those signals. This may seem a bit hypothetical. But don't you think it's a very practical way of thinking?

Though it seems simple - I mean you are a radio and all the events are stations. That simple... But is it so? Don't you think there's a lot more to this radio-station relationship? Can't we change our life just by tuning to the proper frequency as we do so in the case of real radios? What I'm going to discuss is much crucial to your life.

Each day a lot of things happen to us. You may get promoted in your job, your children may get good grades in school, your spouse may be happy with you, your health may not be that good, your friends may betray you. So on and so forth. Our daily events decide our lifestyle. Sometimes we are happy about them, sometimes sad. But the thing is that you only consider those events which happen to you or to persons close to you. Isn't it? But in a day, within 24 hours, billions of things happen to billions of people around the globe. Do you know about them? If in a day, you have bought a new car, may be that day, someone might have lost their loved ones. Are you concerned about them? No. Right? But still those events happened without your knowledge. You like it or not, but a billion things happen in a minute without your knowledge. It's only that you know about those events which happen to you or to people you know. But you're not concerned about other events. And you needn't be.

In this world a lot of such events, such signals roam around. We all tune in some particular frequencies. And that's why we all receive different frequencies. Everyone's life is different. Some tune into the optimism mode. Those are the guys who only receive signals that are productive. Meaning to say, they only respond to events that are productive for them. And discard other non-productive events. Yet, some people tune into the negative mode. These are the guys who always lament. They can't see positivity behind anything. In reality; both good and bad, positive and negative, productive and worthless events keep happening. Sometimes with you. Sometimes with others. But it's up to you to which frequency you tune your receiver. And it's a matter of experience and inspiration that decide to which frequency you tune into.

Though all good and bad keep happening, it's nothing to worry about, because as I told you, there're billions of events that keep happening that you don't even know. Then why can't you ignore those negative events that happen to you? Can't you tune in to a positive frequency? It may be funnier to consider yourself a radio and the events the stations. But isn't that a powerful way of representing our relation with events of our life? Only when you respond, an event takes its form. You ignore it, it's simply nothing.

Let's say in your workplace, a colleague of yours mocked you for something or your boss is dissatisfied with you. Now if you give importance to that event, it keeps on dominating your mind and with time it'll turn to a scar. May be with time, you feel yourself inferior to your colleagues and may be that your productivity goes down. Now, if instead you ignore those events, you can focus on other productive stuffs and maybe someday those colleagues or your boss appreciates you. Everything depends upon your tuning capacity.

Sharing my personal experience, I had been suffering from a bit of anxiety disorder since my childhood. It was not serious. But still, every time, I'm asked to do something new, I get anxious. One day our science teacher asked us for a lecture presentation in the class. He asked us to prepare a topic and we had to explain that to our classmates. As I just heard him saying that, it gave me a faster heartbeat. I mean I was dead. Still, I decided to do that and prepared a lecture on 'Gravitational Force.' It was a page long. I had to memorize that and explain to my classmates. I couldn't carry that paper. I memorized and next day went to the class. Believe me from the very first class, I got so anxious that I couldn't concentrate well.

And then came the science class. My roll number was in the middle (alphabetical order). So I could relax for some time. As my name was approaching, my heart started throbbing faster. And then he called out my name. I was dead in the water. Still with great hope and confidence I went to the teacher and started... In the middle of my lecture, I got so nervous that my hands started shivering holding the pencil. And then, just in the middle, I stopped and said - 'Thank you' and went to my seat. It was a bad lecture. First, I was not explaining it well and second I stopped in the middle. Now let me tell you the reality. In that class of some 40 students, I had studied astrophysics and cosmology books like no one else. I knew about gravitational force the best. I had even read some academic books on General Relativity. But just because, I was anxious I did terribly bad. That teacher knew me and later suggested me to work on my speaking skills.

But it had nothing to do with my speaking skills. It had to do with my capacity to tune in to positive signals. Even before the lecture presentation, I was so afraid. I had been thinking about all possible bad things that could have happened to me. If you also do that, you can never perform well. That character also made me average in math in the beginning because I was afraid of making mistakes. I was picking all the wrong signals.

Though with time, I improved and today I can boast of my math to a lot extent. I've not given any public speech yet, still I'm confident enough to do so. Things improved just because I started picking the right signals. In any sphere of life, it's very important that you pick the right signal. Only then, you can be successful. There are criticisms, discouragements, trolls, fears in this world. Everyone realizes that. But for you to be audacious, you need to start discarding those signals and instead pick signals that are lifting your life for good.

So again, I'm asking you - 'Are you picking the right signal?'

http://ezinearticles.com/?Are-You-Picking-The-Right-Signal?&id=9750762

How To Dismiss Negative Thoughts & Feelings

Any negativity in thought, feeling or behavior is a separation from your real or higher self. It's a separation from reality itself - which we can term temporary insanity. This is based on the fact that the universe as a whole is an all-positive phenomenon where not a speck of negativity exists. The universe moves in perfect harmony with every person, place and thing within it. - Otherwise life could not exist and flourish within it.

Negativity such as anger, resentment, impatience, fear, guilt, insecurity, boredom, frustration, anxiety, worry, and the like, is usually an expression of denial or refusal. It's anything lacking in constructiveness, helpfulness, usefulness, cooperativeness and optimism. Negativity of any name or nature contradicts this universal harmony, so will result in negative feedback - for what goes around, comes around. What gives, gets. Nothing true, good or positive can possibly come from a negative foundation because the negative is always false or unreal. It's a lie from beginning to end.

Any negativity you experience in your life exists primarily in your mind and is all ego- or self-created. Part of your mind makes it up and another part believes it. You have a free will and, consciously or unconsciously, you - the egotistical or self-centered you, have chosen to indulge or express it in order to make yourself feel better about yourself, to justify yourself. The ego takes everything personally: "How dare my computer run so slowly!" "How dare that idiot driver cut me off!" It's all about you instead of about life itself.

Taking everything personally is your current default position, and is the father of all the negativity in your life. Until you grow out of this self-centeredness you were born with, you're going to have to learn to control your negative emotions rather than not have them at all. You control them by making them dead on arrival by not entertaining, romancing or indulging them for more than a split second. Prevention is key because negativity comes with the self-centered personality. It comes with the flesh.

This is where detached awareness comes into play. You want to stay on top of your thoughts and feelings. Notice their emergence into awareness as soon as possible - then immediately dismiss them. Change the subject. Pause. Walk away. When you witness them from a distance, they disintegrate on their own - as if from lack of fuel.

Your personally-indulgent attention is what gives negative thought and feeling energy, power and a false reality. This is how we "create our own monsters." As you consciously distance yourself from all thought and feeling - both negative and positive, you unite with your real, all-positive self. Separating from your lower self is the gesture that connects you to your higher self. It's amazing!

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Dismiss-Negative-Thoughts-and-Feelings&id=9435565

Metaphors Gone Wild: Granite and Obstacles

"Looking back," talk show host Jack Paar once remarked, "my life so far seems like one long obstacle course, with me as its chief obstacle." The insight has value for those inclined to blame others or to blame life itself for their failure to achieve goals. If you are willing to acknowledge you might share Paar's comedic view of success and failure, you have taken the first step toward achieving your goals for your life.

CLARIFY YOUR GOAL 

It's been said that a problem well-defined is a problem half-solved. In the same way, a goal that has been examined from several perspectives is a goal more likely to be made a reality. Be sure your goal is a realistic one. Put time limits on it. And do periodic progress checks, noting what has been done to move you closer to your stated wish for your life.

ASK FOR FEEDBACK 

President Kennedy would often invite people who had nothing to do with politics to sit in on Cabinet meetings. Why? Because they typically viewed the situation in ways that differed from the political view. Before you make a final decision on the goal you are pursuing, subject it to the scrutiny of those you respect. Include people who have some expertise in the area associated with your goal, as well as people who know you well and can help you avoid pitfalls.

APPLY THE DOUBLE-REVERSE METHOD 

Look at your intended goal from a negative perspective. Ask, "If I wanted this goal-journey to fail, what would I do?" In other words, consider all the things that could go wrong. Once you have your list, then determine what you can do to ensure the items on the list do not become your manifest destiny.

CHIP AWAY AT THE PESSIMISM BLOCKING YOUR SUCCESS 

Optimism, self-confidence, self-reliance--these and other attitudinal elements will go a long way toward removing the obstacles you may have initially thought were holding you back from your dreams. When your spirits start to sag, when the process proves to be taking longer than you had anticipated, talk to an optimist. Or, read about the many trials a famous person had to undergo before he or she could claim success. See a movie in which hope reigns. Do whatever you can, including making notes on your progress so far, to regard obstacles as only temporary impediments.

CARLYLE'S GRANITE METAPHOR 

Thomas Carlyle wisely observed that "the block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak, became a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong." Your personal and professional success may indeed depend on which metaphor you are clinging to. If you regard obstacles as surmountable blocks, you are far more likely to realize the hopes you have established. You can use that metaphoric block of granite as an actual stepping-stone. But, if you succumb to negative views and give up, you will fail to do what you are capable of doing.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Metaphors-Gone-Wild:-Granite-and-Obstacles&id=9870352

Living a Purposeful Retired Life Depends on Your Attitude (By Wendy Fisher)

MY REFLECTIONS on a Purposeful Retired Life, to be used as YOUR OWN AFFIRMATION... if not, rewrite it and use it until your thoughts and attitude changes! Best Wishes!

As a retiree, When I view the world with a positive attitude, good things happen. I see more opportunity everywhere. I am blessed!

My door is half open. Because I see the door as half open, I believe it is opening instead of closing. This is my decision. Many view that door (and life opportunities) as closing, but I choose to see it opening instead.

I see many opportunities in life to help others, becoming purposeful in my retired world. I enjoy helping others, and that gives me purpose to my days.

Optimism is perception.

I begin to view life in this same manner.

• My glass is half full, new friendships are beginning to take form, tasks are being completed, new adventures are just around the corner, and life is good.
• Each day, I move closer to my retirement goals. I enjoy new challenges because obstacles are meant to be overcome. I help others with simple phone calls to find help for my retiree friends. I take the initiative to contact whomever is needed to find solutions to life challenges.

My perception, in turn, affects those around me. Instead of letting the door close, I hold it open for others. I encourage them to view opportunities in a new, positive light.

Every open door is an opportunity, regardless of how much it is open. I choose whether this door is meant for me, or someone else. I have control over my life to make such decisions - while continuing to help those around me.

Challenges are like doors. When I find myself in front of a closed door, I am certain that I can figure out how to open it. If the door is locked, I search for the key. Maybe I have the key. Sometimes, I need to ask others for the key. I do the work necessary to open that door.

Today, I perceive everything with a positive attitude. Each task, opportunity, or challenge is a door half open, and it is up to me to walk through.

As Nancy Sinatra said long ago: "These boots are made for walking... "

Self-Reflection Questions:

1. How do I overcome negative perceptions (both mine and those of others)?
2. Who inspires me to think positive?
3. How can I inspire others to be optimistic?

http://ezinearticles.com/?Living-a-Purposeful-Retired-Life-Depends-on-Your-Attitude&id=9205424

2 Simple Tips on How to Be Happy

Happiness is something that we all are after. Who doesn't want to be happy and at peace? What is this happiness? These are questions that one tends to answer at critical junctures in troublesome times of life.

Happiness is a feeling of fulfilment. When the mindset is positive, hopes and aspirations are achieved; a glowing inward feeling rises and makes you feel smoothing peace. You smile, pain is gone, and pleasure covers your soul. Happiness is a frequency of cool signals, transmitted from person to person. This frequency has amplitude of harmonious mind and heart.

The crest of pain is inverse, and trough of stress is on negative value. Are you confused by this scientific evaluation of "passion"? Science never believes in hypothetical things such as feelings, senses and artistically abstract themes. If someone is happy, we need to observe the state of happiness. Then write the observations onto paper and make a practical. The results of practical will thus be implied with the theory. The theory, practical and the hypothesis must all support each other. In a few years time, a law of happiness will be put forth. This is still not definite and chances of cancellation are there. Science is always strict with feelings, so let's skip it!

A simple study of happiness in terms of normal humans is sufficient enough to derive conclusions.

1. Optimism

Optimism or positive thinking is the most valid reason for happiness. The mind plays a vital role; one should train his or her mind to be positive all the time. If someone is hanging to a falling bridge, death is almost certain and he is thinking positively- this may help to bring some good out of the worst situation. If he is into negative frame of mind, he will die even before the bridge falls or will not be able to respond to any rescue efforts. The optimistic approach is always helpful. It is observed that in any problematic situation, negative thinking becomes bigger than the original problem. 

Be optimistic, have a constructive and positive attitude- you will never be depressed and will always enjoy true happiness.

2. Authentic happiness:

Simply follow your choice and be happy. If you are religious, find happiness in God. If you are liberal, find happiness in liberalism. If you are a poet, be happy by poetry. So, it all comes to a choice you make. The authenticity of pleasure is always in doing what you want to do, and refraining from things you hate. Simple and effective!

Happiness is all one should fight for. If you get it, you will be peaceful forever.

http://ezinearticles.com/?2-Simple-Tips-on-How-to-Be-Happy&id=9811023

What's All the Fuss About Happiness? (By Julie Marsh)

Ever wonder what the fuss about happiness is all about? Ever wonder why the writers of the U.S. Constitution said that the pursuit of happiness is an inalienable right?

Interestingly, happiness studies have exploded over the last few years. It seems like new books on the subject are popping up regularly. The volume of research-based, best-selling books indicates that this is a topic that people are very interested in, though the interest can hardly be thought of as new. Even the Founding Fathers had it in mind!

In The Pursuit of Happyness, Chris Anderson (played by Will Smith) is continually frustrated by his son's daycare, who can't get the word happiness right.

Have you been feeling like you can't get happiness right either? How hard is it to be happy anyway?

There are a number of things that have been shown to make people happy. The ingredients are all pretty simple and it is fairly easy to identify ones that are missing. For instance, not having enough money to take care of your family's basic needs. Having family members in crisis. Lacking specific goals to change outcomes. These are things that make us unhappy.

We Can All Identify Things That Are Contributing to Unhappiness

So why do many people still, at least mostly, feel happy? Why does hope and optimism continue to rise even when many of the basic ingredients are missing?

Is there anything you can do to fan this little spark of happiness into a flame? Does it even matter if you are happy? Current research in the field of positive psychology offers insights into these questions.

Shawn Achor is a former Harvard professor and the current CEO of Good Think Inc., a Cambridge-based consulting firm which conducts research to understand where human potential, success and happiness intersect.

According to Achor, "We're finding it's not necessarily the reality that shapes us, but the lens through which your brain views the world that shapes your reality. And if we can change the lens, not only can we change your happiness, we can change every single educational and business outcome at the same time"

If You Can Change Your Lens, Will You Change Your Life?

Research conducted by Achor indicates that a positive brain is 31% more productive than a negative, neutral or stressed brain. According to Achor, raising your present level of positivity allows your brain to experience what is called a happiness advantage. This simply means that your intelligence, creativity and energy levels increase.

This indicates that not only do you need to change your lens, but you specifically need to make your lens more positive. There's more to this good news. When you are positive, dopamine floods your system, not only making you happier (and counteracting stress hormones), but also turns on all of the learning centers in your brain!

Sign Me Up! What Do I Need to Do?

Happily, Achor gives several ways you can rewire your brain in just a couple minutes per day. You can do one or several. Each will help increase your happiness.

• The first is gratitude. The exercise is to write three new things you are grateful for every day for 21 days (no repeating of things you are grateful for). This retrains your brain to look for positive things instead of negative.

• Second, journal about one positive experience per day.

• Third, teach your brain that behavior matters by exercising.

• Fourth, meditate - which allows your brain to relax and unplug from multitasking.

• Finally, Achor recommends practicing conscious acts of kindness, such as writing one positive email to a friend or relative each day.

Haven't We Always Wanted to Be Happy?

Even the Mayo Clinic has an article about how to be happy. They recommend investing in relationships, practicing gratitude, cultivating optimism, finding your purpose, and living in the moment. Many of the same things that Achor's research has found to be helpful in increasing happiness. There are even (research-based) happiness quizzes so you can see how happy you are. Some even track your happiness level over time!

I hate feeling unhappy, depressed, or anxious. In fact, I try to avoid triggers that are going to make me feel this way, like news reports (which are all pretty much negative). However, when circumstances in my life cause me to experience all three of these emotions, I know I need to take a step back. It is easy to spot a general sense of negativity and gloom because it seems to lodge in the middle of my chest. This definitely affects happiness, or more accurately, unhappiness. The good news is that happiness doesn't have to be tied to circumstances.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Whats-All-the-Fuss-About-Happiness?&id=9453390

10 Behaviors Of The Happiest Individuals

Why are some individuals delighted all the time? The happiest individuals have practices that raise the chances of feeling happy. Unhappy people have practices that lead to less preferable sensations. It can be that basic. If you're not as happy as you'd like, take a look at your habits and practices.

Those that are happy share numerous qualities. Embracing these same qualities will yield positive results.

Practices that lead to joy are enjoyable to carry out:

1. Optimism. Undoubtedly, if you think good things will occur, it's far more likely that you'll be happy. Expecting the worst not does anything to improve your state of mind! Realistically, it's not even crucial to expect a favorable result, only to think that everything will be okay.

Optimism is also a form of belief in yourself. If you think that you can deal with any situation, you can be positive and have the psychological freedom to be happy.

2. Altruism. Doing things for others offers numerous benefits. You can see firsthand that you have a lot to be grateful for. You can feel great about yourself for assisting others. You have a great reason to leave your home. You also feel helpful and useful.

Make a list of a minimum of 3 ways you can assist others that will also suit your schedule.

3. Gratitude. Do you recognize how many fantastic things and individuals you already have in your life? By focusing on the things you don't have, you're making yourself dissatisfied and unhappy. Experiencing gratitude assists in developing sensations of joy.

4. An exciting future. Maximum happiness requires that you have something to eagerly anticipate. It can be finishing college, having a child, retirement, a getaway, or a hot date on Saturday night. Have a couple of goals that give you a reason to be delighted. Have goals and objectives that are both short-term and long-term.

5. Success. Spend some time doing tasks that you're good at. It feels great to do well at something. It does not need to be a competitive event. You can hit baseballs at the batting cage or play the guitar and feel excellent about yourself.

Make a list of the things you are really good at and aim to spend at least a little time each day doing them.

6. Durability. It's difficult to prevent challenging times. Sooner or later, something will happen that threatens your development, success, or happiness.

Durability is the capability to continue forging ahead. Some people have a flair for making challenges seem bigger than they truly are. Others are able to maintain their composure and continue making progress.

7. Realistic expectations. When your expectations are overly optimistic, you'll consistently experience disappointment. When your expectations are regularly low, you will not feel very positive. Neither is a recipe for happiness.

8. Forgiveness. How can you be happy while holding a grudge? Forgiving others quickly and easily makes happiness possible. You might feel that some individuals don't deserve forgiveness, but exactly what is the alternative? Making yourself miserable and unhappy.

9. Authenticity. Spending your time pretending to be something you're not is a challenge to your self-esteem. Joy is allusive if you do not feel comfortable being yourself. Allow your individuality to shine through.

10. Presence. Thinking about the failures of the past can lead to feelings of regret. Thoughts of the unknown future can lead to anxiety. Keep your mind in the present if you want to experience happiness regularly.

There's absolutely nothing complex about happiness. Forgive others, be yourself, offer of yourself, and be grateful for the important things and people you already have. Having a reliable set of habits will lead to feeling more happiness.

http://ezinearticles.com/?10-Behaviors-Of-The-Happiest-Individuals&id=9528291

Happiness: A Way Of Thinking?

The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. In fact, there is only one way to happiness. That is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.

Happiness isn't about what we have, or who we are, or where we are, or what we are doing that makes us happy or unhappy. It is what we think about. It is the art of never holding in our mind the memory of any unpleasant thing that has passed. We can attain this when we cease worrying about the things which are beyond the power of our will.

Happy people plan actions than plan results. Success is not the key to happiness but the other way around because happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always doubt the fact that the present and the future are better than the past. Happiness is not merely in terms of accumulating of money but depends upon in the joy of achievement and in the pleasure of creative effort.

It's been my experience that you can always enjoy things if you make up your mind firmly that you will. It's a matter of positive mindset. Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated. Very little is needed to live a happy life. It depends upon your way of thinking.

The greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions and not upon our circumstances.Happiness is something that comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open. Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn't stop to enjoy it. Just because it didn't last forever, doesn't mean it wasn't worth your while. Everything is worth trying for; the end-result is no longer in our hands. The happiest people in the world are those who feel absolutely terrific about themselves.

In fact, optimism is a happiness magnet. If you stay positive, good things and good people will be drawn to you. Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections. Shallow people failed to enjoy happiness because they prefer to complain rather than to appreciate. Acknowledging everything as blessings even in the worst situations can have a positive effect on people; making them see beyond what is seen.

This article speaks about what makes an individual happy or unhappy. Happiness is a matter of mindset; a choice.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Happiness:-A-Way-Of-Thinking?&id=9626247

Optimism and Ways to Develop It

Whenever someone has a problem, we say automatically to the person to "look on the brighter side" or "see the cup as half full". Such wise advice may lead the person to shed off negativity. When faced with stressful situations, positive thinking helps us calm down and review the situation in a wider perspective, which can prove to be useful in handling it.

To maintain a positive viewpoint in stressful situations is a mental attitude of optimism. Being optimistic is defined as expecting the best possible outcome from any given situation. Like all psychological traits, optimism is heritable but is strongly influenced by environmental factors, including family environment.

A recent meta-analysis of optimism supported past findings that optimism is positively correlated with life satisfaction, happiness, psychological and physical well-being. Generally, optimists choose lifestyles, which make them lead a healthier life.

Many suggest that optimism is a learnable behavior. Moreover, it is positively contagious.

The following are some effective ways to develop optimism -

Associate with positive people - Company one keeps closely influences the person. So, surround yourself with people who have positive outlooks. Their positivity will definitely infect you. There goes a saying that if you want to soar with the eagles, you have to stop hanging out with the ducks.

Expect ups and downs - Having a realistic perspective helps prevent things from being blown out of proportion. By maintaining an attitude that we all have ups and downs in life, we will be able to face every situation positively. The reality is that life isn't always rainbows and butterflies.

Find an opportunity in difficulty - Optimism means understanding that difficult situations will inevitably appear, often temporarily. It also means that one has ability to combat the challenges that one faces. Optimism implies having a sense of hopefulness that a situation whether good or bad has an inherent opportunity for us to learn from. Remember, the most beautiful rainbows come from the sunlight after a thunderstorm.

Keep positive reminders within range of vision - By writing down short statements that inspire optimism and placing them where one can see them everyday - bathroom mirror, inside of locker and on computer monitor - really helps one maintain positivity.

Work on things that can be controlled - Whenever we land in a situation we think we cannot control, instead of becoming its victim, we should acknowledge the fact. This will prevent us from slipping into pessimism. May be, we find a solution at some point in future if we stay positive. Instead, we should concentrate more on what is under our control.

Practice gratitude - We all have so much good in life, for which we should be thankful. But it is a paradox that we think more about what we don't have as compared to others. Always count your blessings as an old adage goes. This will help frame a better attitude and take your mind off of the negatives.

Appreciate all is impermanent - Nothing is permanent in life that includes everything. However, a current good or bad situation will also change. This belief will kindle optimism in a person.

Focus on the present - We are all obsessed with the past and the future. But, as a matter of fact, life is happening right now. Instead of living in the past and worrying about the future, we should practice living in the present moment.

Conclusion -

The trait of optimism is inherently present in all albeit to varying extents. Nonetheless, it is possible for those, who lack the trait, to change their mindset and start thinking more positively. And thus they can reap a whole host of its benefits including improved wellbeing, lowered stress levels, better relationships and improved quality of life.

Optimism is a trait that makes one look at the sunny side of a situation however bad it may be. An optimist is intrinsically happy because of this special trait. Further, an optimist never fails to affect others with one's positiveness. It is significant to know that optimism is a behavior that can be learned by anyone.

                                Download 25 Most Powerful Motivational Quotes

http://ezinearticles.com/?Optimism-and-Ways-to-Develop-It&id=9565696

The Positive Effect of Experiencing Pain

Pain is inevitable. We experience it in every situation that we are in. We have it at work especially when our superiors are too tight. We also have it in our own family especially when we undergo emotional crisis like losing a loved one or breaking up with our husbands or wives.

Whenever confronted with painful experiences, a positive mental attitude is very important because it broadens our perspective of the world and create a lasting emotional resilience. Resilient people are able to experience stiff emotions such as pain, sorrow, frustration, and grief without falling apart. Most of these people are able to look at challenging times with optimism and hope because they know that it will lead to personal growth and better outlook on life.

In the workplace, we experience being scolded even if it is not necessary. Instead of getting upset, we just ignore it and focus with our work. Amazingly, however, that at the end of the day, we are able to have an output better than we expected.

See! It is just a matter of viewing things in a different perspective. It is how we see the brighter side of the world despite the unfairness and injustices that we felt. Trying to forgive and forget makes us better and stronger persons.

At home, we also feel strains and pressures especially in terms of financial constraints. As parents, we need to provide our family with a sense of well-being which includes food, clothing, shelter, mobility, education and the like.

Despite these facts, we are still able to face these circumstances with a calm resolve if we have resilience. As a coping mechanism, we consider them as challenges rather than obstacles that can hinder our progress. In fact, people who experienced a lot of stress and suffering are those people who succeed in life.

Resilient people also experience pain or suffering. They accept them as part of life. The only difference is that they retain a sense of positivity that helps them overcome the negative effects of their situation. Having a positive mental attitude help them become more resilient in the face of crisis or stress.

Being resilient does not mean that a person doesn't experience difficulty or distress. Emotional pain and sadness are common in people who have suffered major adversity or trauma in their lives. In fact, the road to resilience is likely to involve considerable emotional distress.

Not all people are resilient. Resilient people are able to utilize their skills and talents to cope and recover from any setbacks in life. People lacking resilience on the other hand, would easily fall and breakdown whenever they are overwhelmed with problems. They dwell on the face of adversity instead of letting it go.

Thus, the positive effect of a painful experience is to learn from them and then move on in life with optimism.

This is about learning through our experience in order to become better individuals. It also talks about the effect of resilience in the face of the adversity of life.

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Positive-Effect-of-Experiencing-Pain&id=9428473

What Is Luck?

Luck is considered by many to be a force of nature, coming and going as inevitably as the tide.

A study has found that "lucky" individuals usually posses many intersecting qualities, including extroverted personalities, a lack of anxiety, open-mindedness, and optimism. Each of these plays an important role in one's luck production.

The essence of luck is opportunity, so it follows that the more opportunities one encounters and the more receptive one is to those opportunities, the "luckier" one is. It was found that lucky people smile twice as often as others, and engage in more eye contact than unlucky people do. Such outgoing, extroverted behavior exposes a person to more opportunities due to the increased social interaction. Similarly, open-mindedness allows one to encounter a greater number of unique prospects, and makes one more apt to embrace new opportunities.

Born Lucky

Some birthdays are better bets than others. Scientists don't tend to buy into astrology, yet they've established that certain conditions such as schizophrenia, and even personality traits such as novelty seeking, are linked to birth months. It's not the planets at work per se, but rather subtle influences on fetal brain development due to factors including sleep and wake cycles and the prevalence of viruses that differ from season to season.

Across genders and ages, people born between March and August believe themselves to be luckier, on average, than those born in the colder months of September through February. (Relatedly, summer babies grow up to be more open-minded and less neurotic than winter tots.) May is the luckiest month of all.

Think Lucky

The best opportunities arise when you approach life with a flexible mind-set. See how you can get out of the unlucky column:

If you think this way about: Romantic Relationships

"Here's my checklist. He has to be smart, attractive, and financially secure, subscribe to The New York Times, love to cook, and love dogs."

Try this approach instead: "I don't really have a type. I'm open to anyone as long as he's a good person. I'll know it when I see it."

If you think this way about: Work

"I need to finish this project by 11, team meeting at 12, and lunch at 1, finish that report this afternoon, and I'm home free by 6."

Try this approach instead: "I want to try to accomplish two major things today, but in my downtime, I'm going to explore a few other ideas that could help the company or my career."

If you think this way about: Friendships

"I already have a handful of really wonderful friends. I don't need or have time for anymore."

Try this approach instead: "I love to make new friends, even if it never goes farther than a conversation and being friends on Facebook."

If you think this way about: Errands

"I need to hit the dry cleaner, the bank, and the grocery store. I should be home in time for the game."

Try this approach instead: "I have to get these things done, but I'm not going to rush because I don't really know what to expect or whom I'll meet. It will be interesting to see how it works out."

If you think this way about: Business Meetings

"I'm meeting up with this person to do a deal, not thinking of them as a friend or a potential partner."

Try this approach instead: "I'll accept a meeting with anyone, anytime, because you never know where it might lead-even if its five years down the road."

Lucky and Unlucky people- A comparison

Unlucky people often fail to follow their intuition when making a choice, whereas lucky people tend to respect hunches. Lucky people are interested in how they both think and feel about the various options, rather than simply looking at the rational side of the situation. I think this helps them because gut feelings act as an alarm bell - a reason to consider a decision carefully.

Unlucky people tend to be creatures of routine. They tend to take the same route to and from work and talk to the same types of people at parties. In contrast, many lucky people try to introduce variety into their lives. For example, one person described how he thought of a color before arriving at a party and then introduced himself to people wearing that color. This kind of behavior boosts the likelihood of chance opportunities by introducing variety.

Lucky people tend to see the positive side of their ill fortune. They imagine how things could have been worse. In one interview, a lucky volunteer arrived with his leg in a plaster cast and described how he had fallen down a flight of stairs. I asked him whether he still felt lucky and he cheerfully explained that he felt luckier than before. As he pointed out, he could have broken his neck.

Four principles to help one increase their good fortune:

Principle One: Maximize Chance Opportunities Lucky people are skilled at creating, noticing and acting upon chance opportunities. They do this in various ways, including networking, adopting a relaxed attitude to life and by being open to new experiences.

Principle Two: Listening to Lucky Hunches Lucky people make effective decisions by listening to their intuition and gut feelings. In addition, they take steps to actively boost their intuitive abilities by, for example, meditating and clearing their mind of other thoughts.

Principle Three: Expect Good Fortune Lucky people are certain that the future is going to be full of good fortune. These expectations become self-fulfilling prophecies by helping lucky people persist in the face of failure, and shape their interactions with others in a positive way.

Principle Four: Turn Bad Luck to Good Lucky people employ various psychological techniques to cope with, and often even thrive upon, the ill fortune that comes their way. For example, they spontaneously imagine how things could have been worse, do not dwell on the ill fortune, and take control of the situation.

Unsurprisingly, optimism plays a key role in luckiness, since it strongly affects luck production and luck perception. A study shows that a lucky, optimistic person is far more satisfied with all areas of their lives than an unlucky, pessimistic person. An optimist feels lucky for spotting a silver lining, however gray the cloud... yet a pessimist will curse their luck even in the face of good fortune, because they can't see past the green grass on the other side of the fence.

Fortunately, one's mindset is entirely within one's control. An unlucky person who resolves to change their luck can become more social; they can make a conscious effort to be optimistic and make the best of any situation; and they can be more open to new ideas and experiences.

http://ezinearticles.com/?What-Is-Luck?&id=9460234