Creating a Happiness Circle of Friends

There's an old saying that comes to mind when considering this week's topic, and it is this: "When you run with the dogs, you start to smell like them."

You may have heard a slightly different version of this bit of folk wisdom: "When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas." It's the same concept, though an infestation of actual living critters seems more ominous than a simple odor. Or maybe that depends on the odor in question?

These old expressions tend to stick with us best when they have the ring of truth to them, and particularly if that truth is timeless. This is a good example of a timeless truth, and we might reword it this way: The people we spend time with have an influence on us.

The best example of this phenomenon among humans is seen in teenagers. Teens who hang out together often coordinate the outfits they wear; they might share musical tastes and pastimes. They often talk similarly, with similar expressions and inflections.

In primary school, around ages 6-12, students in the U.S. receive quite a bit of education about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. During what's known as Red Ribbon Week, millions upon millions of dollars are spent to teach them about the ways that substances can ruin or end their lives.

When these children become teenagers and enter junior high and high school, they tend to focus more on the habits and attitudes of their friends, and less on the messages schools and families try to convey. Teens are likely to encounter drugs in their lives, and their reactions to them can impact their whole lives. Some may become addicted. Some may die. Some never try drugs. Still others experiment a little with drugs, but then they never do it again.

When we reflect on the decisions teens make, there is a tendency to scoff. Why do they dress like that? How can they listen to that? Why do they experiment with that?

The answer is that teens, more than anyone, emulate the people they hang out with. They want to be like their friends, whether those friends are total prohibitionists or they end up doing drugs many times a day. Friends, after all, are like-minded people, and they are drawn to one another, especially at this early age, because of their shared values.

What's left unstated in the saying I started out with is that we also have an influence on those who encounter and spend time with us. It's not necessary to be a recognized thought leader-say, the most popular kid at school-to change the thinking of those around us. If we're a teen, our good grades may give our friends something to strive for ("If she can do it, maybe I can, too!"). Maybe our fashion decisions spark our friends' creativity so that they want to take our choices even farther. This phenomenon is by no means a bad thing-but it is a thing. We all influence each other, just by our presence or our proximity.

Do we change markedly after our teen years? I'm not so sure we do. To return to the example of substance use, if we don't break the cycle of drugs and alcohol, we might keep doing them past our teens and into our twenties, thirties, forties... and beyond. A lot of that has to do with the company we keep. After all, we tend to surround ourselves with people who do the same sorts of things we do and who share some of the same thought processes. We then would make the decision to continue drinking, and to hang out with people who spend time at bars, rather than meditation centers or churches (though there is sometimes overlap).

As a teen, we often believe that whatever we do, however we think, is how everyone else does it, too, so if we're drinking and doing drugs, we believe that most other teens are doing the same, or that they would like to. Likewise, people who spend their time drinking together at bars might think that everyone else is drinking, too-perhaps quietly at home while being secretive about it.

In my practice, I have worked with men and women who have had affairs, and I have noticed a common thread among them. They usually have a genuine belief that everyone cheats, and if they don't, then they wish they could, because cheating, they think, is natural. They often find themselves in the company of other people who cheat because of this tendency to prefer the company of people who are of like mind.

Again, like finding and preferring the company of like is common. It's what we usually do. At some point, though, we need to ask ourselves whether going with the flow is the best choice for us.

If you are reading this, you are someone who cares about your own happiness. You probably came here to consider ways that you yourself could live a happier life. I would like to suggest that you begin to consider your associations-your friendships-and ask yourself if they are contributing to your happiness and your overall quality of life.

It's difficult to consider friendships in this light-to think of the people we spend time with and wonder whether their influence on us is positive. We might also wonder whether our influence is helpful to them. If we can be a light in someone else's life, shouldn't we?

This is a fair question, but we should consider the fact that the answer might be a decisive no. If we provide positivity to others, that's great, but only if they feed us positivity in return. We shouldn't be expected to be the sole source of light and happiness for others. If they can't fill our tank to the extent that we fill theirs, we could be left broken down by the side of the highway with no one to call for a refill or a jump.

Looking at how our lives work, we tend to be shaped by who we hang out with. If the people we spend time with are doing certain things, there is a likelihood that we are going to influence each other, and this back-and-forth is going to reinforce our tendency to see the world in a certain way. What is important to our friends becomes important to us, and we are going to see the world through these filters.

Our friends are a big influence on us. The people we spend time with are a reflection of who we are and how our lives are going to go, at least in terms of our approach to life. We hang out with people who share our values.

Again, spending time with like-minded people is not a bad thing-far from it. If we meet up with buddies at the gym every day, we are much more likely to get in shape, stay in shape, and live a healthy life. I know that two of my best friends came into my life through healthy practices I had cultivated: one is someone I met in a hiking club, and another is a friend from a meditation group. I've been friends with both of these people throughout my life.

One example of an association that people pursue deliberately to achieve a positive result is Alcoholics Anonymous. In AA, members attend a 12-step group in order to get a handle on their drinking problem, and part of the success of the program can be attributed to the new relationships members form with one another.

Prior to joining AA, many members had social circles that were based in drinking establishments, where drinking, possibly to excess, was normalized. People who have drinking problems can convince themselves that their lifestyle is normal, and nothing about their associations suggests that this is not the case. But there are other lives a person might pursue, and the majority of these have nothing to do with alcohol. What's more, in AA, members form close relationships with sponsors-mentors who can help them to see a better way, a new idea of normal.

Many years ago, I worked with a young man-a teen-who was hanging out with people who really liked to party. However, this person was coming to the understanding that the party life was destroying him. Part of my advice to him was to try to find a different group of people to spend time with.

This young man loved being in nature, and in time, he was able to find other people who loved nature as much as he did. He began to spend time with them as they enjoyed the beauty, majesty, and wonder of the natural world, and of course this was a powerful substitute to his one-time life focus on drinking. He came to enjoy spending time with his new associates as they recognized the physical, spiritual, and mental health benefits of hiking, particularly with other like-minded people.

There are people who want to be positive, encouraging, loving presences in the lives of others, and this young man was fortunate to find some of them. To be happy, we need to seek out and find such people.

Perhaps we feel that we don't know anybody who is consistently positive, but we should put forth the effort to do the things that will bring us joy, and then we can look around and see who else is involved in similar pursuits. If we put ourselves in positive situations, we are much more likely to find positive people there, and these people can become our friends and our encouragers, if we give them the chance.

The poet Emily Dickinson famously wrote, "The Soul selects her own Society- / Then -shuts the Door." It's a poem we're exposed to in school, but it may not be one that we immediately understand, but Dickinson is saying that we find the people, or person, who resonate with us, and then we shut the rest of the world out, whether that includes chariots passing by our gate or an emperor kneeling on our mat. We find our people, and those are the ones we choose to give all of our attention to.

And perhaps Dickinson is correct-we do shut the door on people who are not within the lines of our laser focus. But the good thing about doors is that they are built to open and close. (I recently saw an internet meme that began, "If one door closes... ," but instead of the familiar ending to that saying, "another door opens," it said this: "If one door closes, open it. That's how doors work." Perhaps no one told Emily, but this door does not have to remain closed. We can open it to usher people out or to invite people in. That's how doors work.

There is a phenomenon that happens every summer in Sturgis, South Dakota. This town has a population of just under 7,000, but every August, its numbers swell to more than half a million people-and in a recent year, 700,000 people descended on the quiet Western town.

Who are these hundreds of thousands of visitors? They are people who love motorcycles, and they get together annually to celebrate the freedom of the road. These people are an example of those who enjoy spending time with others who share their interest, and they illustrate our tendency to find people who do as we do. The love of motorcycles brings these people together.

This is not a bad thing. Joining up with like-minded people can be a very positive thing to do. But we need to understand that the people we spend time with reinforce aspects of our lives. They help to direct our thoughts toward our shared interests, and they help to shape our opinions and beliefs. If our friends contribute to habits of body and mind that are bad for us-like recreational drugs-they are not serving our best interests. In fact, they may be causing us serious harm.

Do you know people who bring out the best in you? How does it feel to spend time with them? Do they make you see the world through a positive lens? Do they contribute to your enjoyment of your activities? Do they make you feel good about yourself? And if so, why do you not choose to spend your time with them? Why do you not seek out others like them, so that you can always have that access to a wave of positivity and happiness?

It's possible that we feel we have an obligation to the relationships that pull us down to a place where we don't want to be. This sense of obligation can keep us returning to the same mindsets, the same habits, and the same pervasive situations that lodge us in the gears of our unhappiness.

But happiness is our birthright. It's why we are here, living our lives now, on this planet. We came into our bodies to embrace happiness, and we owe it to ourselves not to let others drag us down to the dark, murky places where they choose to dwell. Maybe the best thing we can do for those we love is to choose a better path and to shine our light from it.

If we are trapped in a cave, a tiny pinprick of light may be enough to help us find an opening to get ourselves out. Living our happiest, most fulsome lives may offer a burning match to help others find their way (though that is not our job-we are all equipped with an inner map and compass to guide us).

Just imagine the glow cast when two people put their matches together-or when a whole host of living, gentle, happy people join forces to illuminate the way. When our match flickers out, there are sources of light all around us, and it is easy to catch that spark and keep the fire going.

***

When our children go off to school, we often spend time modeling ways that they can embrace friendships and show kindness to one another. We may be all grown up now, but it's still valuable to spend some time considering the question: How do we make and be a friend?

· Go to where the friends are. We aren't going to make any friends if we are alone on our couch at home. We should find the potential friends who are doing the things we'd like to be doing, or thinking the way we'd like to be thinking. If we want to work on our physical and spiritual health, maybe a yoga class is a good place to spend our time. If we value creative expression, a gallery opening or a concert is a possibility. Spend enough time doing the things that feed your soul, and you're bound to encounter some friendly people doing the same.

· Jump in. Don't be shy. You have showed up at the place and among the people you believe will feed your happiness. Now is not the time to hang back on the periphery. Edge out onto the dance floor, figurative or otherwise. Try a few moves.

· Be curious. We don't make friends by handing out copies of our curriculum vitae. Rather, we need to ask questions about others-their values, their interests, their opinions. Showing an interest in others is powerful friend-making magic.

· Be kind. Kindness is a magnet for kindness, in that it draws kindness toward it-but it is also a magnet in the sense of that holy grail which is sought by mechanical engineers: the magnetic motor to drive a perpetual motion machine. Kindness is a perpetual motion machine, and I'm convinced it can light up the world.

· Let happiness be your guide. If you are in a good, healthy place among others, you will be open to possibilities. You will feel valued. You will feel reassured. You will more than likely make good decisions. Check how you feel to determine if you're with the people who are right for you, and if you are not, give yourself permission to go find them.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Creating-a-Happiness-Circle-of-Friends&id=10344325

Child Abuse - Why Is Healing Possible?

All types of child abuse often have a devastating emotional component that does long-term psychological damage. This is especially the case if the perpetrator was a person whom the child should have been able to trust. The National Association for People Abused in Childhood (NAPAC) offers excellent guidance for all those adults who as children were neglected, or verbally, physically or sexually abused.

Not all children who have suffered child abuse will experience very negative long-term consequences. It will partly depend on the frequency, duration, and severity of the ill-treatment. Some children are more naturally resilient than others; more robust than fragile. Even for those who are badly psychologically damaged, NAPAC says emotional recovery and even thriving is later possible.

What then are the healing factors? How can the survivor gain the self-esteem and self-confidence needed to form trusting relationships, and lead a psychologically healthy life?

Therapy for child abuse

An important vehicle for healing is the therapy work of people able and wanting to help. Often it is not so much the type of therapy or counselling that is important as the personal connection between the practitioner and the survivor on the healing journey.

One needs a safe place to talk. There has to be a good chance for the development of trust in the therapist. What is talked about will also be out of one's comfort zone, and will very likely be hard work for the therapist as well as the client.

Within a confidential relationship one can hopefully untangle the web of confusion created by the past manipulation and lies of the abuser. Confused questions can be addressed:

• Why did I keep going back to that person if I knew it was wrong?
• My body reacted to the sexual stimulation, so how can I call it abuse?
• I hate them for what they did and yet I still love them...
• Why can't I remember the details? Did I imagine it?

Guilt arising from child abuse

Freedom from experiencing guilt comes from seeing the words and actions of the perpetrator through rational adult eyes rather than through the eyes of a child. This means taking into account that children naturally:

• Trust people older than themselves,
• Love attention and compete for it
• Love sweets, presents, outings and other treats
• Do not know the law
• Are protective towards people and animals they love
• Often believe that what is happening to them is normal
• Do not like getting into trouble

Those adults who are willing to exploit the vulnerable can so easily take advantage of this simple outlook of children. They tell the child lies from the position of authority, combine abuse with giving attention, threaten punishment and so on.

Freedom and rationality

According to many spiritual thinkers, the soul brings to the mind a faculty of inner freedom and rationality. Hence, for the adult who had experienced child abuse, gaining relevant knowledge and ideas offers the possibility of using these faculties to make important choices.

Seeing one's options for personal change more clearly means one feels less hindered in being who one wants to be. For example the option to see oneself not as damaged goods but as a wounded human being; instead of thinking "I hate myself", using the phrase "I am okay with me".

Another choice is whether to stop blaming oneself for the abuse that one experienced when a child. The alternative is to continue to take some responsibility for what someone else did.

Those suffering child abuse learn mistrust. They see the world as an undependable, unpredictable, and possibly a dangerous place. We all require warmth and encouragement but those who did not get sufficient of these during childhood need human affection during subsequent years if they are to ever feel accepted and valued.

A part of the healing process is insight gained into how one's life needs to change if one is to increase the chances of finding lasting quality relationships, love and a sense of emotional security and well-being.

For example the abuse that the now adult experienced as a child could result in:

• Isolation and feeling different from everyone else,
• Mistrust of others or of oneself,
• Being self-destructive or sabotaging anything good in life,
• Emotional insecurity,
• Being easily riled to anger,
• Anxiety,
• Self-pity,
• Rebellion against authority,
• Fear of judgement from other people,
• Guilt or shame,

The individual cannot change the fact that the child abuse happened, but can change the impact it has on him or her today.

Potential personal growth after child abuse

I would like to suggest that hidden within each of us is a hunger for a nourishment that is more profound than food or emotional comfort.

"Spiritual food consists in knowledge, intelligence, and wisdom. These are what quicken and also sustain (those)... who desire them and have an appetite for them as men desire and have an appetite for food when they are very hungry." (Emanuel Swedenborg, spiritual philosopher)

According to the view of Swedenborg, our divine Source implants in us, without our awareness, a desire to know about and understand the deeper side of life. This would include self-insight and appreciation of human virtues and vice, right and wrong, wisdom and foolishness.

You might wonder if such a searching state of mind interested in the truth about life might be destroyed by negative and irrational thinking associated with mistrust, fear, and self-denigration; thoughts and feelings associated with child abuse.

Swedenborg wrote about inner qualities of the mind:

* trusting innocence,

* appetite for spiritual nourishment,

* rationality

* inner freedom.

I would say that bad experiences cover up these qualities until later circumstances in the person's life enable them to emerge and become functional.

In other words, deep within every human soul, there is an uplifting energy which can provide us with potential courage to face up to what is bad in ourselves, to look at what is meaningful with clear understanding, to search for a higher purpose.

There are those who can release this healing force. They are people with whom the individual confides, such as therapists, who have the appropriate personal skills and qualities.

The result can be new confidence, new trust and new hope. With help all suffering individuals, if they wish, can bravely explore the truth about themselves and the opportunities available for living life to the full.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Child-Abuse---Why-Is-Healing-Possible?&id=9831816

How Can I Boost My Brain Power?

The human brain is the boss of the body. Like a mitochondria to the cell, it is the power house of the body because it runs the whole show and controls effective performance of body functions, giving out commands and processing information even while we are asleep. The stamina of the brain therefore says a lot about our state of health.

At over 50, the body is fast aging. This brings changes to the brain size, vasculature, and cognition. The brain shrinks with increasing age and there are changes at all levels from molecules to morphology. Therefore, it is safe to conclude that in older people, the brain power is relatively diminishing. Incidence of stroke, white matter lesions, and dementia also rise with age, as does level of memory impairment.

What Can Be Done? There are protective factors that aid the aging brain as well as boost brain power. A healthy life both physically and mentally may be the best defense against the changes of an aging brain and body as a whole. We will consider the following five factors:

Consider Using Brain Supplements

Experiments and researches have proved that the best new methods to increase brain power involve using very old healing techniques the ones our own bodies already employ. The human body and brain has a well-established mechanism and body structure for regulating and boosting cognitive power. By choosing the right supplements, it's possible to increase mental focus, brain power, boost learning ability, make memories easier to build and retain, and guarantee the long-term health of brain tissue. Check with your doctor before considering to take a supplement.

Healthy Nutrition

It is always said that a healthy body is the distinguished result of a healthy nutrition. Omega-3 fatty acids improve blood circulation, and boost the function of neurotransmitters, which help the brain process and think. Foods high in magnesium are important (such as chickpeas or garbanzo beans) because they help with message transmission in the brain.

Choline, which is present in vegetables like broccoli and cauliflower, has the potential to help with the growth of new brain cells, as well as boosting intelligence longer in older adults. Complex carbohydrates give your brain and body energy over a longer period of time. Try as much as possible to maintain a healthy diet, this is beneficial for middle-aged and older adults.

Get Enough Sleep

Most, if not all of the brain functions such as creativity, thinking, cognitive functioning, problem solving, memory, are linked to getting enough sleep. Sleep is especially necessary for memory functions, so make sure you're getting to the deeper stages of sleep to allow for memory processing. For adults it is best to get at least 8 hours of sleep.

Cut Down On Stress

Long years of accumulated stress can do things like destroy brain cells and damage the hippocampus, which is the part of the brain that helps retrieve old memories and format new ones. Therefore, we must learn to deal effectively with stress. It is incredibly important to learn how to eliminate stress. Find out what kind of stress relief works well with your body and adapt it. Meditation and exercising go a long way in managing stress and in the long run boosting brain power. In addition, breathing deeply helps with reducing or possibly alleviating your anxiety.

Keep Your Body Hydrated

The human brain functions poorly when the body system is dehydrated. You must therefore note that getting enough liquid in your system is super important because the brain is about 80% water. Be sure to keep drinking water all day. You can also drink fruit or vegetable juice because they contain polyphenols. Polyphenols are the antioxidants in fruits and vegetables that help protect brain cells from damage and keep your brain at a high-functioning level.

The human brain has an astonishing ability to adapt and change, even into old age. You can't stop the brain from aging but these factors are helpful to keep it sharp, strong and glowing.

https://ezinearticles.com/?How-Can-I-Boost-My-Brain-Power?&id=9879139

Most Important Requirement of Life

We get so blinded by the ongoing stress and requirements of life, that we almost forget about what is more important than money. Money and time of course are two of the important resources in life, but apart from that, there is something called "Peace of Mind" which we often lose while we are hoarding for making some good money. Balance is the most important ingredient of a happy and healthy life. And most of the time we are unable to achieve that. When you are happy, your life tends to improve on its own.

We need to keep our life sorted and managed. For achieving this, we need to first of all empty our minds. Unless we have a zero thought mind, we would not be able to see clearly what befalls in time approaching us. If we keep the bowl of our mind always full, where would never we enough space for newer things to come. And it is a well accepted fact that too many thoughts running at the same time cause stress. Change is always required to keep our life fresh and happening. We cannot run with a monotony thinking that all is going well. When you think that all is going well with disturbed sleep pattern, failing health, lowered down interests in life and entertaining activities, then it is time to accept that nothing is well indeed and it is time for a newer change.

Yes money is required to live, but then investment of your time upon that money should also be correctly and thoughtfully done. You cannot always all the time be involved with things which cause you immense burden. And what use would that money be of, if you are not spending it on improving your lifestyle? If you are in office, you will eat anywhere without considering the quality of the food being served. If you are tired, all your body joints are paining, you will take a pain-killer without realising that it is a good and relaxing spa that you need, not a pain-killer which would harm you in the times to come. Excess of any pain-killer is injurious to the liver in the long run. That is one warning written on most of the pain killers. So while you are thinking of saving on a few bucks, why now save through the best online deals and discounts?

You need peace of mind, and that can be achieved with betterment in life- something which requires a good planning. And your plan should never be just in your mind. Take out a pen and paper and jot down these few points which would help you to be happy in life and would improve your lifestyle too:

1. Do not ignore your health- Treat yourself with some healthy food and drinks, hit some good well equipped gyms, and before you go for doing any of these things, go and get a full health check-up done. This would not cost you too heavily, rather, you will get the best online deals and discounts at some e-commerce stores which would make your expenses go lesser and service quality to the max.

2. Do not let tiredness take over your productivity- Pull your package of a health filled spa and get relaxing massages in spas which would have well-trained staff to heal and regenerate every cell of your body with their knowledge of massaging. You can pull you best spa deals online.

3. Do not overburden yourself- Work is important, but in that case, you need balance between work and life. Work hard and then play hard as well. That would keep you mentally and physically fit. There are good gaming zones which would help you play your favourite virtual and real games. Don't waste your weekend over a movie, but go out and play some good games of cricket, dart, bowling and your childhood video games taken to an advance level.

4. Travel to relax- Travelling is always fun. But then, do not settle with something too ordinary when it comes to accommodation. Stay in beautiful resorts, cottages and hotels. Yes it is a disturbing thought to spend too much on a room, but then it is not going to be too much with the best online deals and discounts in your smart phones.

So the most important thing in life is to live life, have peace and balance by enjoying with the best online deals and discounts.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Most-Important-Requirement-of-Life&id=9536770

Amazing Self Help Tips For Improved Personal Growth

Many people often ignore the fact that personal growth through a self-help process is something that everyone should always continue to work on. It is a vital part of living a full and healthy life. Goals are a huge part of personal development, and they cause you to focus on improving many areas in your life. This article has many tips for you to try as you enhance personal development.

Learning more about personal growth can steer you away from pitfalls and dead-ends on your own path to success. The copious amounts of books and other materials available on self-help, are valuable resources. If they provide nothing else, they will at least illustrate negative examples and dangerous practices that the committed personal growth enthusiast can learn to avoid, as indicated below.

1 - Assigning blame is a waste of time, in the vast majority of cases. Part of a successful personal growth regimen is learning this fact and giving up the blame game. Focusing on overcoming new problems is more productive and more mature, than trying to find out who is to blame.

2 - Do what you can to stop nagging people if that is a habit that you have. This does nothing but annoy everyone and it makes you appear both unprofessional and someone nobody wants to be around. If you need something done or something is not done correctly, speak nicely to the person and express what needs to happen. They'll appreciate the kindness and will most likely try to fulfill your request because you did not irritate them by nagging.

3 - Research and learn from others. When you are working towards a goal in your life, seek out others who are either working towards or have already achieved your goal. Not only will they be able to provide support and answer questions, they can be used as examples illustrating exactly what you should or should not do to succeed.

4 - Stop thinking so much about yourself. That may seem counter-intuitive, but when you start paying attention to what you can do for others instead of worrying about yourself so much, good things can happen. The appreciation of others when you've done self-less acts is just icing on the cake and you'll improve how you view yourself, too.

5 - Finding a spiritual anchor to devote one-self to is a great self-help idea. During hard times we tend to dwell on what is troubling us and lose sight of the bigger picture. A religious faith helps one focus on that bigger picture while altering the focus from hardship to a higher power.

6 - Be timely and reliable. There is no such thing as being fashionably late. Late is late and no one truly appreciates it. If you are responsible for a certain job be sure you deliver on time. You will gain the reputation of being the one everyone can rely on and the awards could, potentially at least, be great.

7 - Smile and embrace happiness. The mere simple act of smiling will relax the muscles and also instill a feeling of well-being. It is impossible to smile when you are angry and in a bad mood, as your facial muscles especially, will be too tense.

Everyone wants to move forward. Strive for your goals, better yourself, show kindness to others, dream, and put others before yourself. Personal growth through a conscious and concerted self-help process, is all-encompassing, and you should always be striving towards this goal. Follow the advice from this article, and you will certainly find yourself living a life full of happiness, health, wealth and inner prosperity.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Amazing-Self-Help-Tips-For-Improved-Personal-Growth&id=9445095

3 Ways To Avoid Dating People Who Make You Feel Like Sh*t

It’s been said that single people give the best dating advice, but can’t take their own. Despite being the queen of that sentiment, this longtime single lady has learned many things along the way. The most important thing I've learned in my many (many!) years of dating? To live a healthy life, you need to love yourself. And in order to love yourself, you must stop dating people who treat you like crap.

We’ve all had those boyfriends, quick relationships, or last minute Tinder dates that left us feeling hollow inside. These are the individuals who turn confident women into insecure beings and appoint us the title of "crazy." When the need to feel loved gets in the way of a clear head, the ability for someone to take advantage of you becomes effortless.

Don’t let love/lust take away from your own self-love. No matter how attractive or smooth-talking your date is, it's paramount that you continue to embody the confidant, kickass woman you know you truly are.

Here are three rules to maintain your self-respect when the person you’re dating isn’t showing you any.

1. If you're second guessing whether this person likes you, it's time to end it.

The minute you start making excuses for why he hasn't texted. The minute you question whether he likes you. The minute that gross pit of doubt forms in your stomach. That's the minute it's time to move on.

You are strong and smart and beautiful and funny and amazing. You should never have to wonder whether someone likes you, especially at the beginning of a relationship. Those first months (nay, those years) should be totally devoid of doubt when it comes to how you both are feeling.

Questioning whether your partner is into you is a slippery slope. Don't let anyone else determine your self-worth. The longer you hold onto someone you know isn’t into you, the more insecure you'll become.

2. Don't be the giver all the time.

Whether it's traveling to his place or always picking the restaurant, being the partner who makes (or has to make) all of the decisions eventually adds up and can leave you feeling like the relationship is one-sided. When you start to notice a pattern like this, it's time to take a step back and reevaluate.

To avoid playing games, communication is key. Talk to your partner and discuss that you'd like the effort to be reciprocated. See if they're willing to do the work. The person who is right for you will travel to the moon and back to see you for just a few minutes, no matter how busy their schedule.

3. Maintain your identity and friendships.

A confident partner will love that you have a life, friends and interests outside of the two of you. Listen, I get that it's difficult to make time for all of the things in your life you want to give attention to. And whether you've just started dating someone or are in a long-term relationship, independence from each other can sometimes be hard.

You're either head-over-heels in the honeymoon phase and can't stand to be apart, or you've been together for so long that it might feel strange to make plans separately. But maintaining a sense of yourself that isn't connected to your partner is crucial, not only for your own sake, but also for that of the relationship.

If your partner doesn't understand how you could make plans without him or her, can't fathom why you'd want to do something on your own, that's a red flag. If the person is right for you, he or she won’t keep you away from the life you had before, or from new things you take an interest in.

Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you have to share the same exact interests and friends. Discuss your passions and continue to keep them a priority. There's nothing more attractive than a hardworking person who has passion for life and friendships.

Because I am a single woman who has gone through the gamut of awful dates and experiences, I know what not to do now. Nothing good ever comes from continuing contact with someone who doesn’t respect you; it will never end well.

Dig deep and remind yourself that you deserve better. The right person will realize your worth and show you qualities about yourself that you haven’t already seen.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-22823/3-ways-to-avoid-dating-people-who-make-you-feel-like-sht.html