Have a Little Faith in Yourself - Transforming "I Can't" Into "I CAN" (By Maryanne Pope)

"As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live."

- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Have you ever actually heard yourself complaining about how you can't do something?

I have... and it wasn't pretty. But it certainly made for a funny story!

In fact, I created a presentation based on said funny story and delivered it recently at a women's networking event. The talk was well-received (and everybody laughed at the funny part) but I rather surprised myself in the question and answer period afterwards.

My presentation was called, "The Electric Jello Story - Turning I Can't Into I Can... and I Will."

The first part of my talk was a rather sordid tale from my party days about a bachelorette gone awry. I had overindulged in some electric jello shooters and had been sent home from the bar early. But when the girls tried to awaken me from my drunken slumber in the wee hours of the morning (so that I could buzz them up to the apartment) I wanted no part of being woken up, thank you very much.

Nor could I seem to figure out which button to push on the silly intercom to let them in the foyer.

Unfortunately, my repeated wails of "I can't" (in the most whining and pathetic tone imaginable) was recorded on the answering machine. Much to my chagrin, the girls played the tape back to me the next morning.

It was awful. But to this day, I can still hear how dreadful I sounded!

Anyway, in the second part of my presentation, I told the story of the conversation I'd had with my husband the day before he died. I'd said to him: "I am so scared I am going to wake up 20 years from now and still not have finished writing a book."

To which he'd responded: "You're probably right about that... just as long as you know that will have been your choice."

Tough words, yes. But in all fairness, after 12 years of being together, I think the poor guy had run out of patience listening to me whine and complain about not having the time or money to write. For more than a decade, I'd used every excuse in the book as to why I couldn't make my writing a priority.

"I'll show him!" I'd said to myself, after dropping him off at work that night. I promised myself I would wake up early the next morning and do an hour of writing before going into work at my clerical job.

But when the alarm clock went off the next morning, what did I do? I pushed snooze. "I can't get up," I told myself (in a whiny, pathetic voice). "I'm too tired to write."

When I finally hauled my butt out of bed, after pushing the snooze button multiple times, there wasn't any time to write. In fact, there was barely time for me to get to work.

And when I did arrive at work, my whole life changed in an instant. John died that day. And I got the wake-up call of all wake-up calls about the danger of waiting for a tragedy to awaken us to the importance of achieving our dreams.

Two weeks after his death, I started writing what would become my book, A Widow's Awakening. It took me 8 years to get it - and me - where it needed to be. But I did it.

After I finished my presentation at the women's networking event, we had an impromptu Q&A, and the host asked me this question:

"If there was just one word to describe what you think is THE most important thing in terms of transforming "I can't" into "I can," what would it be?"

I thought about this for a moment and then a single word popped into my mind.

"Faith," I heard myself say to the group. "But not faith in the traditional way we often think of faith, as in having faith in some sort of divine guidance or a religious belief."

"I'm talking about faith in one's self." I continued. "I think it is absolutely imperative that we have faith in ourselves and our ability to achieve what it is we really want to achieve. Because if we don't have that, then all the divine help and spiritual guidance in the world can't help us."

Likewise with our mortal supporters.

John believed in my potential as a writer and did everything he could to encourage me to take concrete action towards meeting my goals i.e. get my butt in the chair and WRITE.

But at the end of the day, taking action was my responsibility. That was a very difficult life lesson to learn in the wake of such an immense loss.

If we don't have faith in ourselves that we can - and will - step up to the plate, each and every day, and do the work that needs to be done, then the support and encouragement of our loved ones, as well as any sort of divine guidance we may believe is available to us, won't be of much use.

And for the record, I DO believe there is a tremendous amount of spiritual assistance just waiting in the wings to help guide us... sending us all sorts of signs and signals. We just need to a) pay attention and b) take action. I suspect, however, that those other forces don't require our faith.

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Why The Purpose For Your Life Is To Experience The Fullness Of Who You Really Are

Life Will Not Always Go According To Plan

The purpose for your life is to experience the wholeness of who you really are.

Many people believe their purpose in life is to find happiness. This might be true if you were living in a Utopian society, but I don't believe happiness is the sole purpose for life but one part of it.

If happiness is our primary aim, why are so many people unfulfilled when there are more opportunities than ever?

People are living longer with better access to health services and cleaner food. We are more connected to one another through social media, yet some might argue this is the cause of unhappiness.

Nevertheless, our lives are better and yet unhappiness and disappointment is still apparent because whilst living conditions are better, people's central needs are not being satisfied.

Certainly, I appreciate why people are unhappy; they have financial and family matters and relationship, career, societal and environmental problems. However, if you tie your happiness to having your external needs fulfilled all the time, happiness will elude you.

So, if happiness is not the main aim of life what is?

I contend the purpose of life is to experience the extent of your being. This means life will not always go according to plan and there will be times you will experience heartache, pain and disappointment.

Though it's worth knowing this is not the end of the road, nor does it underscore how the rest of your life will unfold. It is a tiny blip in your entire journey because just around the corner something could change the course of your destiny forever.

Author and psychotherapist David Richo writes in The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them: "In the human realm there is said to be just the right mix of suffering and joy for us to awaken, to become enlightened. In other words, the givens of life help provide us with the perfect, awakening blend of experiences."

Awaken To Your Humanity

If you compare your life as taking a road trip from one state to another, it is natural there will be times when the trip will not go as planned. You may get a flat tyre in the middle of nowhere or develop a mechanical problem that requires immediate repair. This doesn't mean the journey is over, only you must find other arrangements to get to your destination.

Life functions in the same respect insofar as when everything is smooth sailing, you might presume life will continue down the same path. However, when an unpleasant event arises, you are taken aback how things could turn so quickly.

But as you know, life can change at the drop of a hat and this is not a sign your life is not unfolding as it should.

This wonderful experience called life is an amazing journey intended to help you discover who you really are.

I realise not everyone holds a spiritual perspective of life, though many sages and enlightened masters have proposed that the purpose of life is for divinity to experience itself through you.

In other words, the universe cannot experience itself in physical form, so it does so through physical form and matter. Knowing that, you will face a variety of experiences intended to awaken your humanity, some of which may test you while others will inspire you.

This is part of a greater plan for your life and I'm not talking about destiny nor even religious precepts. The choices you make compound over time so you will either experience pain or pleasure.

Consider author Victor J. Strecher's perspective in Life on Purpose: How Living for What Matters Most Changes Everything where he explains the difference between embracing a hedonic or a eudaimonic aspiration: "Those who attained hedonic aspirations, however, reported greater anxiety and physical symptoms of poor health, whereas those attaining eudaimonic aspirations reported greater life satisfaction, self-esteem, and positive feelings."

Experience The Fullness Of Who You Really Are

Some people become enslaved to their emotional pain and are unable to navigate their way out, despite their best effort. Similarly, others are obsessed with pleasure and may lead a hedonistic life which is not sustainable.

Neither are right nor wrong, but doing the best they can with their level of awareness. As you upgrade your level of awareness the more informed choices you make.

Pain and disappointment are not indicators of living an imperfect life. I would argue it denotes spiritual progress as long as the individual continues to grow and evolve from their experiences.

"Everything changes and ends. Things do not always go according to plan. Life is not always fair. Pain is part of life. People are not loving and loyal all the time," explains David Richo.

Life is difficult, and no one has a true idea of their primary motives. I say that in the best possible way. You are making up life as you go along, hoping for the best and trusting the next chapter will unfold according to your choices.

The more informed and conscious you are, the better the outcome of your life.

To experience the fullness of who you really are, embrace every experience and discover the lessons contained within those experiences. Learn and grow from them while you evolve.

When you look back on your life, you will realise that every experience was essential to shape your character into the person you are today.

David Richo says: "The givens of life are gifts because they are the ingredients of character, depth, and compassion." These are the values we must cultivate in our life foremost if we wish to live fully.

Through my studies of ageing populations over the last decade, I've observed those who faced immense difficulties in their life will lead long and robust lives. Perhaps it is because they grow resilient in the face of their struggles or as the adage goes: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

So welcome every experience and see it as the entirety of your growth and development.

When the time comes to reflect on your life, you will realise that every experience was perfectly orchestrated by you so that your evolution is complete.

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This Is The Reason Why Many People Won't Be Successful, Despite Their Best Intentions

Having The Right Intentions To Succeed Is Not Enough

Occasionally an article comes along and ruffles your feathers. I've come across them many times and felt obliged to share my feelings.

However, when I regain my composure, I realise such articles force me to make adjustments to my life leading to positive change.

I trust this is one of those articles.

I don't intend to affront you, but to awaken you. Something tells me you were drawn to this article for a reason. Whether subtle or otherwise, let's share the journey together over the next five minutes and see where it leads.

Motivational speaker Brendon Burchard says: "A warrior's destiny is greater than his wounds."

If this article unsettles you, let me be the first to say, go with the resistance. Many people want to push against pain and miss out on the vital lessons that growth provides.

Why am I justified to deliver this advice?

I have studied human behaviour and success principles for over a decade while coaching thousands of corporate clients. In short, I appreciate the mindset required to perform at any level whether you're a CEO, a musician, an artist or weekend sporting enthusiast.

Many people's best intentions to succeed are not enough because good intentions do not align with progress. Many people hold the best intentions to exercise, to lose weight, to be committed to their marriage, yet fall short of achieving the results they deserve.

I'm not stating something new, because we are dealing with complex mental and emotional factors, not least of which are our beliefs and childhood conditioning.

Humans are complex beings. It is not new to you that what a person says and does, is different.

To highlight why many fail to attain success, consider the following account. There's a story of a successful entrepreneur running a weekend seminar with audience members paying $1,000 each to hear him talk about wealth creation. The auditorium is filled with close to twenty thousand people.

As he settles in to the talk, he puts forward the question: "Who wants to learn about wealth creation and investing?"

Naturally, everyone raises their hand. The next bit is interesting. He states, 10% of the people present will follow through on their intentions and become wealthy. Moreover, 90% of the audience will not follow the strategies laid out and should go home now.

He says, 10% of the audience who are dedicated to following the strategies know who they are and should fill the seats at the front left behind by those leaving.

Consider what runs through a person's mind who is told to leave a seminar, despite paying $1,000 to learn about wealth creation strategies?

While you may disagree with him, on some level he's right because the numbers don't lie.

Behavioural expert, John Assaraf tells a similar story. John is an internationally acclaimed author, speaker and entrepreneur who has amassed a fortune through various business ventures.

                          

He states, out of one hundred people who claim wanting to make $1 million dollars a year, three to four of them will succeed.

Here's his breakdown:

1. 20% of the 100 people will cite an excuse why they failed.

2. Of the remaining eighty people, 16% will pull out due to various reasons.

3. Of the 67 remaining, 32 people will give up within 6 months when obstacles appear.

4. Of the 35 remaining, 90% will give up since they did it their way, instead of the way taught.

Therefore, out of those 100 people, three to four will follow through and achieve financial success.

According to John, 3% of the population will: listen, learn, apply and make things happen.

I find it fascinating not because I endorse John Assaraf or his teachings. I could narrate a story about Tony Robbins or Brian Tracy for that matter. The statistics cited are compelling on why success remains elusive to many, even the intelligent amongst us.

Pursue Success With Determined Resolve

So, do you have what it takes to be successful, whether financially, career or otherwise?

How do you know?

Napoleon Hill writes in Think and Grow Rich: "Every person who wins in any undertaking must be willing to burn his ships and cut all sources of retreat. Only by so doing can one be sure of maintaining that state of mind known as a BURNING DESIRE TO WIN, essential to success."

If you read no further than this point, allow me to impress upon you the main reason many people won't succeed despite their best intentions: they lack a burning desire.

Success requires a deep commitment and a compelling desire to succeed. You must want it more than air and water, not because of what it brings to your life but because of whom you become when you are successful.

Jeff Olson explains in The Slight Edge: "Every day, in every moment, you get to exercise choices that will determine whether or not you will become a great person, living a great life. Greatness is not something predetermined, predestined or carved into your fate by forces beyond your control. Greatness is always in the moment of the decision."

What use is success and wealth if your health suffers, your marriage or relationships are in ruins and your character is damaged? I'm certain at the time of writing this Harvey Weinstein and Co can attest to the damage their indiscretions have brought to their lives and others.

"One of the most common causes of failure is the habit of quitting when one is overtaken by temporary defeat," states Napoleon Hill.

This is the primary reason many won't succeed because they allow their defeats to weaken their commitment to prevail instead of pursuing success with a determined resolve.

Defeat and failure suck.

Ask any entrepreneur or start-up founder. They are soul destroying and can break a person's character. Equally, so is giving up. Nevertheless, if you lack a powerful WHY, failure and setbacks are likely to annoy you until you concede defeat.

Simon Sinek explains in Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action: "Regardless of WHAT we do in our lives, our WHY-our driving purpose, cause or belief-never changes."

Moreover, it was Jim Rohn who said: "We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons."

We mustn't make success nor wealth our primary goal. These are by-products of pursuing excellence and aligning yourself with passion and purpose. If it were, billionaires like Warren Buffett and Bill Gates would hold on to their wealth instead of giving it away.

Sure, I get it, philanthropy is good marketing, but it is also aligned with the pinnacle of achievement where the individual gives back for the good fortune they gained.

Buffett was once quoted saying: "If you're in the luckiest one per cent of humanity, you owe it to the rest of humanity to think about the other 99 per cent." Sadly, not all billionaires share his optimism.

Pursue Something Greater Than Your Capacity To Achieve It

Success accompanies you when you are armed with a strong strength of character, a resolute conviction, and a powerful mind. If you set out to pursue success alone to the detriment of other qualities, you may prosper, but it will come at a price. Many fail to heed this advice and lead sorrowful lives because all they have is money.

There is nothing evil about gaining wealth and it is not the root of all evil. Hoarding and worshiping money while neglecting your character is a crime against the soul because the richest person in the cemetery is there for a reason.

That gives us a clue to what little time you have here must be used wisely and thoughtfully. Yes, be successful and explore your talents, gifts and genius as best you can. Be considerate with your accumulation of wealth, with the intentions to influence other people's lives.

Many people won't succeed because their WHY is not strong enough that when failure and defeat show up, they are likely to retreat. The person with a powerful WHY regards failure and setbacks as obstacles to overcome, not impediments to success. They are narrow minded and focussed on their vision because it is imbued with a greater purpose.

"Until a man selects a definite purpose in life he dissipates his energies and spreads his thoughts over so many subjects and in so many different directions that they lead not to power, but to indecision and weakness," states Napoleon Hill in The Law of Success in Sixteen Lessons.

When you pursue a greater cause, you burn into your subconscious mind a commanding reason to never give up. Your WHY becomes your lifeblood; your air and water. Without a WHY tied to your purpose, it becomes a passion or a hobby, not an enduring truth.

With a substantial WHY, you will succeed assuming it is greater than your ability to capitulate to your failures. Setbacks is life playing the bully to find out whether you have the backbone to play big.

Playing big counts, whether you're a blogger, musician, artist, programmer or entrepreneur. The human spirit has a purpose to soar, and this is why many feel stagnant when they sell themselves short.

So, dare to be great.

Dare to be brilliant.

Dare to show the world that failure, setbacks and obstacles are smaller than your WHY.

Show the world you can overcome any impediment beyond measure.

Only then will you succeed, no matter what I or anyone else has to say, because you will have aligned with your best intentions and delivered on your promise to fulfil your greatness.

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Awaken The Dying Dream

Start, take one step after the other and don't stop till it's accomplished.

Just like everyone else, on more than one occasion you and I have had this wonderful dream; a dream to travel across the world and visit interesting places, to wine and dine with prince and princess, to be a worldwide-known celebrity and spend your time as you please; a dream to one day write a book, publish it and sell it to millions of people across the globe or perhaps to be that celebrity chef. Your dream might even be to be the richest man in the world. Too bogus? Why not? Ever heard of the popular quote 'if you can think it, you can be it'? Trust me, it's no lie. Everything you want to be all starts from the mind, your deliberate actions towards it, your level of discipline, how much dedication you have and your resilience, amongst other things.

Often times than not though, most people whose dream is to become the richest in the world have the origin of their dream from a rather selfish perspective. When I say most, I mean over 95%. The richest men and women in the world certainly didn't start with a dream of being the richest, they set out to serve. To put themselves and all of what they have to offer out there and reach as many people as possible. History has proven over and over again that it handsomely rewards service to humanity. Above all you'll feel a great sense of fulfilment and happiness. Perhaps your dream is to finish University and be the best in your field or to start up a business and grow it to a multinational company. The reality is that the bulk of us are not living this dream, we are not even close and worst of it all we stopped making efforts.

Thinking about it now we may want to ask, what happened? How did that dream die?

We grew older, the economy got worse, lesser money in circulation to go round, we stopped dreaming and we started accepting whatever the society has to offer us rather than demanding what we want. The society sold us the lie that we can't have what we want instead we should settle for what we can get. I strongly disagree! I don't believe in conformity. I believe we can be whatever we want to be.

What then do we do? Here's my approach;

1. Start dreaming again. You definitely can still be what you want to be. Where life exists, hope does too. 

2. Once you lay your hands on that thing which you've dreamt of being, write it down. A written down idea is an idea in traction. Writing is a form of action, thinking and pondering isn't. 

3. To inspire you, find someone (or people) who is successful at that which you dream of being. How did he/she start? What does he/she do as a routine? What are his/her habits in relation to this? The way he/she walks, talks, what he/she reads, how he/she dresses etc When you know this, it will be easier to get started. Modelling something already in existence, gives less for mistakes and also could make things get done at a faster pace. 

4. Within your means, what are the first steps (or step) you could take towards actualizing your dream? The simplest, easiest step you could take. Write it down. 

5. What could be your limiting factor and what resources do you have towards this first step? What skills or resource would you need to acquire? 

6. After steps 1 - 5, start! And don't stop. Take a leap of faith. Put one foot forward. Take one step after the other. 

7. As you progress, keep learning more about that which you want to be. Read books about it. 

8. And finally watch yourself gradually becoming and doing that which you've always had a dream of. More opportunities will surface as you continue on your journey.

I wish you all the best on your journey towards awakening the dying dream.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Awaken-The-Dying-Dream&id=9567955

The New Codependency: The Senseless Attempt To Make Sense Out Of Nonsense (By Suzette Hinton)

His story doesn't add up. His behavior doesn't line up with his words. He won't give her the answer she wants or the closure she needs. It is senseless to try to connect dots that aren't on the page or put together a puzzle with pieces that don't fit. Yet, so many women put their lives on hold or stay in relationships longer than they should, trying to make sense out of nonsense.

A recovering sometimes relapsing codependent myself, I can tell you why. The real question can't be answered with a magnifying glass or demanding answers. The real question has nothing to do with him. The real question is about you. Getting answers is about your own absolution. This is the crux of codependency.

It is no longer limited to drug and alcohol enabling. It has reinvented itself and is garnering a devout following of articulate, successful, attractive and smart women who find themselves floundering around in emotional quicksand. The new codependency is the senseless attempt to make sense out of nonsense.

"I know I'm a good woman," they say loud and proud to high five's and fist bumps and toasts. At first, it feels like they are earning their way out of the nonsense. But when they go home, doubts and fears gnaw at their resolve. You'd think having support would be enough. But not for the codependent. Their quest for absolution can lead them right back to that quicksand and, despite the objections of all around, they jump back in. This is why some women find themselves 10, 20 and 30 years with someone they should have left a long time ago.

Sadly, this kept me stuck even post legal separation and divorce. My inner jury was still out about my worthiness. This is why my ex was able to insinuate himself back into my life. He held the key to my vulnerability and I never changed the lock.

So how do we stop the senselessness?

One of the youngest attendees at an all woman's retreat gave one of the best answers I've ever heard. She said, "When the words don't add up, the truth was never in the equation." Put away your magnifying glass. Put away your tools. Accept that no further assembly is required. In the words of Wendy Williams, tell your hypervigilance to "take several seats!"

Secondly, stop letting his "no" stop you from finding your own "yes." You are responsible for your own happiness and your own closure. No one else. He has to awaken in his own time and of his own accord. When you are tempted to try to figure him out, ask yourself, "How can I give myself what I need to be okay?" This is the only sense that makes sense.

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-New-Codependency:-The-Senseless-Attempt-To-Make-Sense-Out-Of-Nonsense&id=9395819