Why Healing Your Inner Child, Helps You Discover Your True Self

Unconscious To Our Wounds

I'd like you to take a journey into yourself, as you read this article. Hopefully, in that time, you will gain a glimpse of why healing your inner child is not only essential but important to overcoming our problems as adults. Many people grow up in less than optimal family environments. Even if our childhood was ideal, we are likely to inherit trauma from generations before us. That is why alcoholics face an unfair disadvantage, since they inherit the genes of their alcoholic parents. We all have wounds to confront and the journey of becoming an adult involves retracing our childhood and making peace with our early life. Can you identify with this narrative? Did you grow up in a stable family environment or did you experience any childhood trauma?

The journey of becoming our true selves requires revisiting our childhood wounds and seeing them through the lens of compassion and forgiveness. It involves attending to our vulnerable parts that we have neglected. So why is this important for self-transformation and self-improvement? Many of our problems stem from our early development, according to developmental psychologists. Depending on our attachment style, this will figure dominantly in adulthood, if we haven't healed our inner child. This shows up when we are triggered in relationships and recall past hurts. Because we are unconscious to our wounds, we believe the pain is occurring now.

For example, if you are emotionally triggered and cannot control it, it may be a triggered event instead of a reaction to something taking place now. This sentiment is echoed by author Liz Mullinar in her book Heal For Life: How to Heal Yourself from the Pain of Childhood Trauma where she explains: "Remembering that a majority of all emotion comes from childhood, it is a really good idea to check whenever you are angry if it is about what is happening right now or is it reminding you of someone or something from your childhood." For instance, I had a strained relationship with my father growing up, owing to his stern disciplining. As an adult, I experienced anger I couldn't control and traced it back to my childhood. However, I ignored it until it affected my relationships.

Release The Negativity And Hurt From The Past

Have you experienced something similar whether it was anger, anxiety, shame or guilt? Often, we will carry the programming of our parents or caregivers into adulthood, if we haven't healed these aspects of ourselves. The trauma we experience in childhood is being triggered in the present moment. Psychologists believe trauma is located in the right hemisphere of the brain, in the unconscious centre. Therefore, to heal and transform our wounds, requires going to the source instead of using logic and reason. In my case, my childhood wounds were associated with fear, which shaped my anger as an adult. It required attending to my fears and transforming my beliefs as a child such as: "I am unsafe" and "It is not safe to be me." These days, my adult self knows I am safe; however, my inner child was still playing the tapes of fear, guilt and shame.

Most of our difficult emotions stem from our childhood. When we experience these emotions, we must notice whether we are being triggered by a childhood experience or something in the present moment. It is beyond this article to explain how to heal and transform our childhood wounds. Moreover, I invite you to work with a trained therapist or counsellor, if you identify with this message. It may be difficult working through our childhood wounds on our own because we are likely to re-traumatise ourselves and remain stuck in our wounds. The key is to take the journey into ourselves, knowing what we experience may be unpleasant, but in doing so, we release the negativity and hurt from the past. By healing our inner child, we discover our true self hidden behind a facade of the wounded self.

This wounded self masquerades as an archetype in the form of: victim, soldier, hero, etc. We will carry these archetypal wounds throughout life without knowing who we really are, since we have identified with our trauma for so long. It becomes our new identity, and healing can be difficult without a shift in awareness. We must learn to become who we really are and not the characters we play. Are you beginning to get a sense that who you are is an intricate web of personas buried within your unconscious mind? It can take a lifetime to discover our true self and we ought to be kind and compassionate with ourselves throughout the healing journey. If this is something you identify with, I recommend journaling and observing your emotions regularly. Note your predominant mood and the situations that affect you. Consider your difficult emotions, as signposts pointing you to heal your inner child. It is once we undertake the journey into our inner child, that we discover the essence of our true self, beneath the concealed self.

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13 Golden Pearls of Wisdom to Help You Live Better Lives (By Douglas Cobb)

The Secrets to Living a Fantastic Life by Dr. Allen Lycka and Harriet Tinka is a very inspirational and thought-provoking book written by two people who lived through extremely traumatic and trying experiences. The authors learned from those experiences and grew to understand that they did not have to allow what happened to them to influence the rest of their lives negatively. Instead, they both chose to move on and have successful careers and happy lives, and decided to collaborate and write a book to help others also live "fantastic lives."

The Secrets to Living a Fantastic Life is subtitled "Two Survivors Reveal the 13 Golden Pearls They've Discovered." Those "golden pearls," or life lessons, aided them to get past the traumatic events in their lives and to move on. The self-help book that they wrote, detailing what those 13 golden pearls are, is full of revelations that the authors hope will inspire readers of the book. The negative things that everybody experiences in their lives, to one extent or the other, do not have to define who we are as people.

I really liked it that Dr. Allen Lycka and Harriet Tinka opened up in The Secrets to Living a Fantastic Life and revealed the nature of the traumatic experiences they went through. Dr. Lycka was diagnosed as having Lou Gehrig's disease (ALS) and he was told he only had six months to live. Harriet Tinka was a fashion model and a Woman of Distinction who lived through the terror of being kidnapped by someone she knew, stabbed by the man, and left for dead. Dr. Lycka and Harriet Tinka could have let these things embitter them and alter the course of their lives and careers for the worse. Instead, they moved on, grew, and didn't let the negative things they went through define them.

What are the 13 golden pearls that the authors discovered and relate to their readers in The Secrets to Living a Fantastic Life? Being an author myself, I don't want to reveal too many "spoilers." I'd rather that potential readers of the book get the pleasure of checking out what the pearls are on their own, by reading Dr. Lycka and Harriet Tinka's book. They reveal what the pearls are in a captivating and entertaining manner by both telling stories from their own lives and also by utilizing a myriad of quotes from famous authors like Ralph Waldo Emerson and celebrities like Sir Paul McCartney, Christopher Reeve, and Bruce Lee.

I will mention a couple of the pearls that I loved reading about the most, though, and those are the importance of forgiveness and laughter. I will talk more about a few of the other pearls with Dr. Lycka and Harriet Tinka in an interview that they graciously agreed to do with me, which can be read elsewhere at this same site.

The ability to forgive somebody who has hurt and wronged you can be very difficult to do, but doing so is an important step if one wants to live what the authors refer to as "a fantastic life." The authors write about this in the book's seventh chapter, "Forgiveness." They relate a story called "My Uncle" told by a contributor to the book, Lauren Magliaro. Lauren begins the chapter by telling about the reconciliation that took place between her uncle and her father, when her father was in the hospital due to suffering a brain aneurysm. Her uncle was there with Lauren and the rest of her family there at the hospital by their side, supporting them and his brother during a time Harriet describes as "the hardest days of our lives."

After Lauren's dad recovered, whatever the rift was between him and his brother was like a "slate - wiped clean." From then on, both sides of Lauren's family were back together, and she writes that "Family gatherings no longer had a dividing line." Forgiveness is definitely a very powerful pearl we should all treasure in our hearts. Indeed, Lauren describes forgiveness as being "the essence of love."

Laughter is such an important part of our lives that it has been sometimes called "the best medicine." In the eleventh chapter of The Secrets to Living a Fantastic Life, aptly titled "Laughter," Dr. Lycka begins the chapter writing about a run-in he had with an obstinate camel he was trying to ride in Egypt. The camel driver, playing a joke on Dr. Lycka, tells him the camel he's picked out is his "gentlest" one, but the stubborn animal refuses to obey the camel driver's commands and cajoling.

The camel repeatedly attempts to throw Dr. Lycka, who by now regrets his decision to try riding the animal, off his back. It is only after the ordeal is over, and the camel driver buys a Coke for Dr. Lycka, that the author can see the humor in the situation and have a laugh about it. Both authors relate various ways that laughter, including being able to laugh at oneself, is important. Dr. Lycka writes that: "Laughter, especially at oneself, tempers ego, interrupts narcissism and improves your happiness in the moment." It is one of the thirteen pearls the two authors write about that can really make a big difference in our lives, make the problems and worries we all have seem a bit less significant, and help people achieve a "fantastic life."

The Secrets to Living a Fantastic Life is a book I thoroughly enjoyed reading. It is a valuable sand appealing self-help book that will have readers engrossed and entertained while also informing and teaching them about the thirteen secrets, or "pearls," that authors Dr. Allen Lycka and Harriet Tinka discovered. The knowledge about these pearls might not make us have fantastic lives overnight, but when put into practice on a daily basis, the nuggets of wisdom that the authors write about will definitely improve readers' overall outlooks on life and will put them on the road to becoming better versions of themselves. This is a book I highly recommend you check out and add to your reading lists!

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Why Those With A Troubled Past Find A Way To Create An Amazing Future

Understanding The Nature Of Pain

A troubled past is not a sentence for a deprived future. Our wounds can often be used to create a remarkable future if we perceive them through the lens of compassion and forgiveness.

Everybody has experienced pain and troubles in their life, however we mustn't stay mired in our problems but use them as insights to better understand ourselves. Our troubles do not mean we are flawed or lacking as many are led to believe. If we buy into this narrative, we are convinced what transpired is detrimental to our future. Our wounds are pivotal turning points which can reveal a greater depth of our human nature. They are helpful for better understanding pain and suffering so as to integrate them into our being.

I am drawn to Dr. Alex Lickerman's perspective who writes in The Undefeated Mind: On the Science of Constructing an Indestructible Self of the need to change the narrative of the past by witnessing it through the eyes of survivorship instead of victimhood: "Another way we might be able to improve our ability to manage pain is by retelling ourselves stories of previous painful experiences from a different perspective: not with a focus on the intensity of the pain we felt but on the fact we survived it. For if we survived a terrible episode of pain in the past, we can survive a similar episode of it in the present."

You are no more flawed by what took place than an oak tree that has weathered the storm over time. In fact, if you were to get up close you would realise how strong and resilient the tree is despite the forces of nature enacted upon it. Yet, it still stands tall because what doesn't break it allows it to grow in strength. The same principle is as apparent in our lives: what doesn't destroy us, advances us more than we realise. A troubled past can be a blessing that gives us clues to our purpose and destiny. Our scars are our battle wounds and should not be looked upon with shame but with courage knowing we faced our battles and emerged stronger. A troubled past is a gateway to strengthening our resolve and commitment to a better future.

Our Past Needn't Keep Us Stuck

I experienced difficulties in my youth. I rebelled against authority figures like my father, whose parenting style didn't suit me. I channelled my rebellious energy toward creative pursuits like painting murals on walls near train lines, so passengers travelling to work could see them. Thankfully, this phase of my life was short-lived and I grew out of it eventually. Upon reflection, this period served as a time to express my creativity, albeit in a nonconventional way. It was years later I was accepted into a Bachelor of Arts program to study Fashion Design at a prominent design school. Think about the periods of your own life where you may have rebelled. Do you look back and see how it now served you?

From my parent's viewpoint, I was a troubled youth partaking in dangerous and meaningless acts, while I considered it a period of self-expression. Decade's later here I am writing articles and books and helping people awaken their greatest potential because I dared to tap into my creative abilities. Whilst my story pales into insignificance compared to those who endured more troubling times, it shows how our past needn't keep us stuck but help advance us. Our wounds show we have danced with life and emerged victorious. Recall Dr. Lickerman's earlier quote where he invites us to see our troubles through the lens of a survivor instead of a victim? They are a reminder that life is continuously evolving and we mustn't hang our hats on what transpired but use it as a basis for better things to come.

Life can lead you in different directions and as the narrator and director you get to choose which path to follow. Leading on from my earlier question, how have your experiences shaped your present-day circumstances? Do you consider the past with regret and shame? Whilst this may be normal, if we're to appreciate the underlying lessons contained within our experiences, we can rewrite the future with a compelling narrative. We needn't anchor our boats to the past but allow it to sail into the open waters. Just as a boat creates a wake in its trail, it does so behind it not in front, which means our future is open to being written with a clean slate, if we will look upon our wounds with openness and compassion.

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Learning Life's Lessons: When, How, Why

One of the most important life lessons we need to learn is Forgiveness. Conveniently, we are presented with many opportunities to learn that during our lifetime. And stupidly, we almost never learn this lesson soon enough so we can enjoy the rest of life and live happily. We somehow mistakenly think that by forgiving we are doing someone else a favor. In reality, by not forgiving we drink our own poison waiting for someone else to die.

But why? What is wrong with us? Why can't we simply forgive and move on? Why can't we choose happiness over suffering? Quite simply because we want to be right! Effectively, we choose righteousness, any time any day. We'd rather be right than happy.

The thing is, very earlier on we humans develop an ego which sees the world from the perspective of duality. Consequently, the ego becomes a judge. Things are good and bad. They are right and wrong. They are black and white... Now we have a wonderful sense of justice. We dish out judgements left, right and center. This is fair and that isn't. This is appropriate, that isn't... Of course, these are simply subjective opinions based on separation and duality. They are part of the big illusion that our ego supports and bring on huge suffering. But interestingly enough, the ego becomes addicted to this suffering; it starts to indulge the role of the victim. And it does so happily because there is a big pay off in this - the world's injustice and unfairness turns into the biggest and most convenient excuse for everything in life. We are always right, it is never our fault, life and people are just so unfair, hurtful and insensitive. We are the legitimate victim. Granted, we suffer in the process. But oh! It feels so good to be right! It is our right to be right!! And to have an excuse for everything.

Now, you may think that this doesn't apply to you; that you are inclusive, tolerant, patient, compassionate, sweet and forgiving; that you never assert yourself and your right to be right. To test this theory, ask yourself this: Are you experiencing any conflict or stress in your life? Are any of your parents, children, colleagues, friends, exes or current partner pissing you off? Do you get anxious or (passive) aggressive? If you feel conflicted in any way, it is because you feel right and you haven't mastered Forgiveness.

All right, the next question you need to ask yourself is whether you are learning anything while you are feeding the righteous monster inside you. How is this righteousness working out for you? If you are happy, keep doing what you are doing. If you are unhappy and you have had enough of that, time to learn the biggest and most important lesson in life: give up the right to be right (otherwise known as Forgiveness). The sooner you learn this lesson, the happier the rest of your life will be. Conversely, the longer you take to get this, the more "unfair" life circumstances you will encounter so you can learn Forgiveness and move on. The choice is yours. You can suck it up now, forgive and be happy. Or you can continue to feel right and keep increasing your bitterness for as long as you wish. It is actually not a must to learn the lesson of Forgiveness during your life time. You can just as well die bitter and resentful and the Universe has no problem with that (you yourself might, though).

Still not sure? OK, let's look in more detail at the learning curve for the lesson of Forgiveness and its implications. Imagine is a little baby boy. That boy already came with a script, a movie of sorts that he is going to star in during his lifetime and observe at the same time. The movie has already been shot but the boy is yet to extract the morale (the lessons) of the story, the biggest one of which is Forgiveness. To trigger the learning, the script contains scenes of seemingly unjust events: the parents leave the baby alone and he "accidentally" burns a finger on the stove now sporting a scar for life; later on a school teacher accuses him "unfairly" of cheating on an exam and gives him a lower mark than "deserved"; a wife divorces him and "robs" him of most of his possessions... What does our man do? Is he going to be bitter, resentful, play the victim role blaming life's circumstances for his misfortune? Or is he going to be forgiving and live life happily? More importantly, if all of the "unfair" events are on the script, at what point is our man going to learn to forgive and how could that possibly affect the script? We say we are going to attract the same experiences until lessons are learnt. If the boy forgives the teacher for underscoring him, would that prevent the impending unfair divorce?

Actually, learning a lesson doesn't really change the script. It simply alters your experience of it. Hence, the urgency to learn said lesson. All major happenings are already in the movie. For how long they will seem unfair to you (and trigger misery and unhappiness) depends on your observational skills, on your ability to remove yourself from the movie, see things from a neutral point of view and forgive. If you do that in third grace, the rest of the events in your life won't bother you. You won't look at them as something unfair. You won't take life personally. So an "unfair" divorce won't be experienced as a disaster. More likely, you will see an opportunity for growth there pretty quickly - here you are giving most of your possessions to your ex, wow, what a blessing for you to practice detachment and thus initiate happiness from within. Getting rid of what you already have amassed is an excellent opportunity to make room for something new (and better).

However, if you didn't learn forgiveness in third grade, you will have many other opportunities to do so - your movie is full of events that you will continue to observe as unfair until you change your point of view and start seeing them as neutral. The movie is indeed neutral. You are coloring it with your attitude as an observer. Learn to observe neutrally and you will have learnt everything you need to learn.

Importantly, learning is optional and it is up to you to effectuate it. You choose when to snap out of your righteousness. In doing so you won't avoid life's challenging circumstances but you will spare yourself the suffering. Alternatively, you stay the offended observer of your own movie and you sulk until the end. The choice is yours. Things won't change but you certainly can. Remember: pain is inevitable, suffering - optional. You can stop suffering now, all you need to do is forgive.

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Are You Justifying Your Safety and Money Worries or Getting Free From Them?

These days on our planet, two primary worries run rampant-safety and money. You wonder if you can move about safely and get the resources you need and want.

Because of world events in the recent past, you might feel justified in feeling afraid for your safety, security, and well-being. News and politicians tell stories of who is to blame and who can be trusted-and you side with the stories you believe.

Yet what if these stories simply justify your worries rather than offering relief? Politics generally operates as a fear/guilt/blame game-which is an endless circle leading nowhere. You only see facts that support your current viewpoint and vehemently oppose those who see things otherwise. Nothing changes.

What we need is insight into what lies underneath our worries and how to heal them. Applying mindful attention to my own insecurities, I've discovered four helpful insights that create positive change.

1. Acknowledge the part you play in what is happening by the stories you tell

How are you participating in perpetuating the way things are? Do you have worries about safety and money? Because of these worries, how are you assigning guilt and blame? What stories are you participating in?

The stories you participate in hold you captive. They can keep you stuck in fear. To get free, you need to identify the stories that buy into fear as a basic orientation.

For example, do you buy the story that the world is filled with people who want to harm you? Do you buy the story that the economy is rigged for those who have against those who have not?

If you follow the news, it would be easy to buy into those stories. As a society, we are fascinated with trauma and drama-and somehow entertained by it-so, that's what the news provides. However, if you pay attention to your daily interactions, do these stories reflect the majority of your experiences with others?

If those worries were justified, most of the activities you take for granted would not be possible, such as driving safely to work, standing in an orderly line for checkout, and enjoying a night out for dinner or entertainment.

I'm not downplaying the fact that many people suffer horrendous acts of violence. This certainly happens. There are things we can do to work for peace, safety, and opportunity for all. But, supporting a mindset based on fear, guilt, and blame is not one of them.

There are close to seven billion people on the planet. How many are intentionally harming others? Conversely, how many are doing the best they can to live a good life and make a positive contribution?

What does your direct personal experience tell you about the majority of your interactions? Are the stories you habitually tell about the way things are justified when you look at a wider range of facts?

2. Insert a mindful pause and stop feeding fear

You perpetuate your worries by justifying them. When things don't go the way you want them to, out of all the facts available, you will likely choose those that support the stories of fear, guilt, and blame you are in the habit of telling.

What if you choose not to do this? After all, if you keep telling yourself the same stories using the same limited set of worn-out facts, you'll keep reliving the same experiences. What might happen if you pause more frequently before you enter the fear/guilt/blame game and decide not to dive in with your usual opinions?

3. Feel the emotional pain under fear and forgive

When you choose to mindfully pause instead of jumping into fear/guilt/blame, you open space to feel what is underneath your insecurities. Underneath fear is emotional pain.

All of us have a history of hurt we would like to forget. All of us have had moments that made us feel threatened or poor. When in the past have you felt unsafe? When have you not had what you needed and worried about how and if you would get it?

Perhaps your parents or grandparents lived through wars or the Great Depression and passed on stories of danger and poverty?

Perhaps you pick up on the stories you've heard on the news... And, you don't want to be one of those victims you've seen on the news!

When you face emotional pain, are present with it, non-judgmentally-and just feel it-something happens. You realize you can handle it-especially if you stop telling a big story about it. When you stay present with emotional pain, it shifts. It begins to dissipate, resolve, and heal. You gain insight into effective action to move forward.

One of the most effective actions to move forward is forgiveness.

Forgiveness frees you. It frees you from hanging onto the past and letting it determine your present and future. It frees you from repeating the same old stories of fear, guilt, and blame over and over again. It frees you to live in a fresh new moment. It frees you to see life in a whole new light, so you can make new choices.

Who, including yourself, is involved in your stories of pain, fear, guilt, and blame? Is it possible you and they were just doing the best that you could, given what you all knew at the time and what you'd all been through? That's not saying that what happened was O.K., good, right, or that you condone it. Just the opposite. Yet, what if hanging onto that pain perpetuates it?

Are you ready and willing to forgive yourself and others involved in your pain, so you can move forward?

You may or may not be ready to do that now.

When you are ready-and choose to forgive-you open space for different possibilities to emerge.

4. Have compassion for yourself and others

Once you identify stories of fear/guilt/blame, decide not to participate, feel the emotional pain underneath fear, and forgive yourself and others, you may be ready to do something new.

It can begin with simple appreciation for yourself and others in all your diversity of strengths and weaknesses. Once you've mindfully experienced the emotional pain underneath your fears, you are more sensitive to the pains others feel. Being in touch with the pain underneath fear, you naturally feel compassion, rather than fear, guilt, and blame.

You feel a natural desire to appreciate others for who they are and what they've been through. Instead of going through the day looking for reasons to worry, you look for opportunities to love. Love is courageous action. It dares to stare down fear and replace it with compassion.

The more we act from love and compassion instead of fear, guilt, and blame, the more our planet becomes a safe and abundant place to be.

Enjoy your practice!

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Even Though Your Wounds Are Not Your Fault, Your Healing Is Still Your Responsibility

Pain is inevitable throughout life although to carry it unnecessarily fuels suffering. Even though our wounds are not our fault, our healing remains within our control. You're no doubt reading this since you identified with the title, perhaps your own wounds or someone close to you has been hurt? Healing is a difficult and yet liberating journey of self-discovery. Forgiveness teaches us self-resiliency and self-reliance. It awakens us to a greater love and peace that resides within us.

It is why I am drawn to the words of the spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle who wrote on his Instagram account recently: "If you cannot accept what is outside, then accept what is inside. If you cannot accept the external condition, accept the internal condition. This means: Do not resist the pain. Allow it to be there. Surrender to the grief, despair, fear, loneliness, or whatever form the suffering takes. Witness it without labelling it mentally. Embrace it. Then see how the miracle of surrender transmutes deep suffering into deep peace. This is your crucifixion. Let it become your resurrection and ascension." Tolle reminds us not to resist our pain but surrender to it in order to transform our suffering. I realise this advice goes against what people want to hear. I equate it to running towards a lion instead of fleeing for your life. Nevertheless, by facing our fears we allow pain to move through us and realise pain is not who we really are; it is an emotional state we have held on to and kept alive.

Beyond our pain lies an ever expansive love which at its essence is our true nature. Even though our wounds may not be our fault, our healing remains our responsibility. To heal means to accept what happened to us and discover our true selves through the healing process. Let me be very clear: acceptance does not mean we like what took place. It simply means to acknowledge the events and work towards healing ourselves of the pain associated with it. People might say: "I wish the event never occurred because I wouldn't have to deal with the anguish, let alone the long road to recovery." Whilst that may be true, if we believe everything happens for a reason, what if our pain is there to teach us self-compassion and forgiveness? Perhaps the lesson is not so much about the transgression that took place but how we love and nurture ourselves when we are wounded. How do you feel about this? I know it may be difficult to accept especially if your wounds are fresh. Let it sit for a while and try to see your situation through the lens of love and healing.

Dr. Mario Martinez, a clinical neuropsychologist, writes in The Mindbody Code: How To Change The Beliefs That Limit Your Health, Longevity, And Success that "When you're wounded, especially by significant people in your life, your empowerment is challenged, and your worthiness is called into question. The vulnerability your loss of empowerment creates within you allows the wound to damage your worthiness." To reclaim our empowerment and worthiness once more, we must cross the threshold of pain and let go of our hurt and anguish. It's essential you understand, I am not inviting you to forget, but to forgive yourself for being caught up what took place. Through the healing process, we restore any sense of shame, guilt and anger we inherited as a result of our wounds. Dr. Martinez further explains, instead of trying to forgive the perpetrator or minimise the events of the past, we should focus on re-establishing our sense of self which is more important: "Rather than forgiving the perpetrator or minimizing the intensity of the misdeed, you recover the empowerment and self-worthiness you thought had been taken from you."

What are your thoughts by now? Are you willing to take ownership of the past in the way you process it? There is rarely ever a right way to heal our wounds. Though, it requires courage to appreciate that our emotional wounds are not permanent and exist to awaken us to the loving presence within us. This presence can never be taken away or deprived through physical or nonphysical acts because at its essence, this is the foundation of who we are. As a result, we lean into this oneness of love, knowing like a net which supports a trapeze artist should they fall, we will be guided through our healing journey. Our priority is to nurture ourselves foremost through the eyes of kindness and compassion however painful our wounds may be. After all, the love within us is far greater than our wounds because it is the greatest purifier and healer there is.

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You Always Get What You Believe You Deserve

Self-Worth Issues Are Rooted In Our Childhood

I'd like you to reflect on the following questions before you read the rest of this article: What do you believe you deserve in life? Do you have issues around receiving? Do you find it difficult to get what you want because of the obstacles that get in the way? Do you struggle to fill your needs, whether it be via: a relationship, career goals, finances or otherwise? Yes, there are many questions to consider and I invite you to journal your answers after you finish reading. It may be difficult to acknowledge, however we always get what we believe we deserve. Allow me to unpack this further to explain what I mean. If we have self-worth issues embedded in our childhood, we will settle for less and believe it is all we are capable of receiving.

For example, when I was young, my father remarked that I would never amount to anything because I couldn't do the smallest tasks properly. Although I didn't digest the significance of its meaning, it was repeated often enough and became entrenched in my psyche. Like many others, I developed self-esteem issues related to deserving because of this belief. Have you experienced something similar when growing up? It wasn't until I used self-enquiry to heal the limiting beliefs, that I understood that they were formed during my upbringing.

It wasn't only my father's fault because I played a part in co-creating the experience, insofar as I accepted the messages communicated to me. In contrast, my mother was a kind, loving and compassionate woman who constantly nurtured me and my siblings through positive reinforcement. So why did I absorbed my father's criticism and not my mother's positive encouragement? Psychologists say our minds are more alert to negativity, known as a negativity bias which is hard-wired into our DNA. I'm not alone in encountering these childhood experiences. I have coached hundreds of people over the years who experienced similar events, whether through a parent, a teacher, a sporting coach or loved one. Each of them adopted the negative stimuli that undermined their self-esteem.

You Must Believe You Are Deserving

So how do we overcome our childhood wounds to become better receivers? I believe it lies in self-enquiry, to better understand ourselves. For some, it may require working with a trained therapist to explore their childhood traumas. Either way, we must learn to navigate and heal our emotional wounds so we can move forward. How does this sound to you? Can you see how life isn't conspiring against you? Life wants to give you all the riches you deserve. But first you must overcome the impediments that stand in the way of receiving them. There's no point bemoaning your current situation while wanting more when underneath it, you feel unworthy of receiving it.

To receive more, we must believe we are deserving of having more. It requires rewriting our childhood script and seeing it through the eyes of compassion and love, even towards our wrongdoer. I'm not condoning acts of abuse of any kind but inviting you to forgive yourself and those who contributed to your pain. This is the essence of what the clinical neuropsychologist, Dr. Mario Martinez captures in his book The MindBody Code: How to Change the Beliefs that Limit Your Health, Longevity, and Success: "One of the most important lessons is that forgiveness is a liberation from the personal enslavement you construct when a misdeed is perpetrated against you. Rather than forgiving the perpetrator or minimizing the intensity of the misdeed, you recover the empowerment and self-worthiness you thought had been taken from you."

A realisation I experienced in the last decade was that my father's role in my life was purposeful from a greater perspective because he helped me realise my self-worth. Had I not experienced those events, I may not have valued myself to the degree I do now. My emotional wounds helped me discover my true self-worth. I'm not suggesting this is the only aspect holding us back from receiving goodness, since there may be other childhood wounds interwoven throughout our experiences. What I know is: When we remove the fragmented stories of our undeservedness, we clear the runway for our life to soar. I know people who worked hard to heal their childhood wounds and remain stuck in their pain and suffering.

We must trust there is no deadline for our healing and transformation. You might call it a gradual awakening. Whatever the case, it entails stripping back that which is not conducive to a life of peace and joy. We must believe we are deserving of living a rich and abundant life. This doesn't mean we will not encounter pain or suffering. It means, when we make peace with our childhood wounds, they no longer hold us captive. With this in mind, I'd like you to open your diary and journal your answers to the questions at the beginning of the article. Take your time and sit with your thoughts to get a sense of what is holding you back from receiving more. Ultimately, if we believe we deserve more, we must change our relationship to attract what is in alignment with our greater self.

https://ezinearticles.com/?You-Always-Get-What-You-Believe-You-Deserve&id=10194031

Why People Are Going Postal

Have you ever been, or talked to someone who is clearly upset and when asked; "What's wrong?" insists that nothing is wrong?

The more you probe, the more they resist. There is clearly something wrong but they will not open up. You write it off as being emotionally closed and eventually give up. The problem is, you are asking them to open up in a way that they have for generations been bred not to do.

We have been taught that no one likes a grumpy or depressed person so never let your feelings out or people will dislike you. This is quite interesting because it dates back to the old testament. It is written; 'God does not enter a sad and heavy heart.' For 3000 years, we have been taught that we must be happy all the time, so humans as humans will do, ignore or hide the truth.

Unfortunately that does not mean you do not feel negative, but rather you will feel it and keep it inside, which requires you deny your feelings in order to get through the day. If your knee has been injured and you keep playing the sport without rest by ignoring the pain, you are only going to ruin your knee permanently.

Aside from the horrors of violent events in America, many less deadly 'going postal' events happen on a regular basis and I would like to present my opinion of why this is happening. Even if you do not explode in any major way, you may also be effected by the same problem.

The British expression; 'keep a stiff upper lip', means to never show your fear, or emotions (because the upper lip quivers when you are scared and they wanted the front line in battle to not show fear).

The USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and many of the British territories are hereditarily British and Judeo-Christian. There are many other cultures who will also be subject to the topic of this article and emotional containment.

Aside from holding in all your emotions, which is very unnatural and unhealthy, the catalyst behind the emotional explosions is the fast spreading concept that we should open emotionally and express our feelings. We are being told it is good and healthy to express our emotions as we feel them, but our deepest core from generations of cultural conditioning tells us that is absolutely taboo.

Being told that it is OK to open up, yet being bred to keep it all inside, people are exploding internally, holding it in, and eventually, explode externally. Meanwhile, the inner conflict causes immense stress which is resulting in mental as well as physical illness.

There is a Sufi story about a Sultan who insulted a very powerful mystic, who then put a curse on the Sultan that he could not pass gas. After two weeks the pain was growing unbearable and none of the Sultan's physicians could cure the problem. They told the Sultan he may die shortly if he keeps it all inside.

They brought the mystic to the Sultan who begged forgiveness. When asked how much he would give to be cured, the Sultan said; 'half my kingdom.' A deal was made and weeks of pain vented. The mystic told his friends to look upon the kingdom to which he now owned half and said; "All this, I purchased for the price of a fart."

We keep our emotions inside, holding them in fear that if we let out our true feelings we may cause everyone to flee. But on the other hand, we are enduring great pain by going against the natural human need to express our emotions. What would you give to be emotionally free?

A Nepalese friend who spent many years in Germany said that the problem with Westerners is that they keep everything inside. Every little thing that happens builds up until one day a small thing triggers an explosion and they get divorced. On the other hand, he and his wife yell and scream when they get upset, and having let it out at the moment, it instantly passes and they love each other without lingering thoughts. I have written about this problem in a recent article; Is Your Heart Closed Or Simply Preoccupied.

I doubt that every Nepalese is that way, although I am certain I am. This is emotional independence. To be free to express your emotions because you are not concerned with what anyone thinks or says about you. This is true freedom and the only way to have a happy, healthy life. Funny enough, with this freedom to express, anger, feeling insulted, and other negative emotions have become very rare events.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Why-People-Are-Going-Postal&id=7675601

Befriend Your Shadows

So often, especially for sensitive people, our personal shadow side is difficult to acknowledge. It's as if acknowledging the shadow will somehow negate the good we're doing in the world. Or perhaps the sheer presence of a shadow means we haven't done enough 'work' on ourselves. Or that we're not spiritual enough. Or, worse, that there's something permanently wrong with us.

Yes. Our shadows are tough to explore. They're designed to be tough. Tough enough to keep us away from those unwanted parts of ourselves, banished so long ago. Sometimes we don't even know they're there.

The problem with shadows, though, is that they never truly stay hidden. They creep into our behavior, our reactions, our moods, and our personalities. Sometimes they scream at us. And they always push us out of alignment. They will continue to push us out of alignment, until we begin to take notice. Until we embrace them. Simply put, until we befriend our shadows, we will never be able to find true fulfillment.

If you're new to shadow work, here is a brief description of a few common types of shadows.

3 common types of shadows:

Dark Shadows: These include mistakes, wrong-doings, and traumatic events. This is where we harbor shame. We typically spend inordinate amounts of energy trying to hide, deny and avoid these dark shadows. Neglected, they can lead to all sorts of negative, and even harmful, behavior towards ourselves and others.

Unacknowledged Gifts: Here we find our natural strengths and talents which have been pushed into the shadows. This usually happens during youth, as a result of some form of rejection. They can get triggered by someone else's success, along with resentment, anger, or jealousy. These shadows can lead to all sorts of self sabotage from unfulfilling jobs, to procrastination, to overall stagnation.

Light Shadows: These shadows can stem from an inner belief that we're not good, lovable, or valuable enough. Often these shadows include an unresolved need to be loved, or validated. They can lead to overly-friendly, overly-giving, and overly-responsible behaviors.

An effective way of approaching any of our shadows is with forgiveness, compassion, and love. Woven into our shadows are layers of pain and suffering, yearning to be healed. EFT Tapping, meditation, therapy, journaling, prayer, and deep self-care routines, are all helpful methods to assist you as you work with your shadows.

Remember, shadow work takes consistency, patience, compassion, love, and help from others. It's worth it. It's an experience that will truly transform your life.

ezinearticles.com/?Befriend-Your-Shadows&id=10354684

Why It's Never Too Late To Rediscover Your Joy And Fall In Love With Being Alive

We All Have Choices, Irrespective Of Our Conditions

I want to ask you a question so simple you may not have asked it before: Are you happy being alive? Do you feel a sense of joy when you wake up each morning? Do you look forward to the day or is your outlook filled with dread, worry or anxiety? Ponder this over the coming paragraphs as I try to convince you why it's never too late to rediscover your joy and fall in love with being alive.

There's a great deal that takes place beyond our conscious mind which we're unaware of. For this reason, it is important we make time for self-enquiry to see what is going on beneath the surface. I liken it to a pot that simmers before it comes to a boil. By then the temperature has increased, which reflects what takes place in our own lives. If a situation is not given our attention, it will simmer beneath the surface and reach a boiling point. It may be difficult to find our way back to peace and harmony because of the disruption to our lives. Some people believe life is difficult and don't experience joy and happiness, even if it landed in their lap. This is because they are mired in their misery which becomes their default setting and they view any change as unfamiliar.

We all have choices, irrespective of our conditions, our past and present circumstances. We can choose joy and fall in love with being alive because it is one of the most precious gifts we are given. Something happens to a person at a certain point in their life. They come to appreciate the value of life which can be taken away from us in any moment. When we are young, we have the world ahead of us and don't think far into the future. But the future arrives quicker than we realise and soon enough we are middle-aged and time has passed us by. Reflect on your own life, how has the past affected who you are now? Have you experienced challenging moments or turning points that shaped the way you are today?

Remember. Release. Renew

Whilst it's said the past needn't determine where we're headed, we create a prosperous future by referencing the past through a new landscape. We don't need to drag the past along with us like a worn-out ornament, but see it through the eyes of compassion and forgiveness. We ought to take what is valuable from the past to alter our experience of the future. You are not defined by your past any more than what happened to you yesterday. The past has taken place but from this present moment, it is a figment of our imagination. We cannot touch, see, nor experience it but only replay it in our minds. It was the Japanese Buddhist priest Nichiren Daishonin who once said: "If you want to understand the causes that existed in the past, look at the results as they are manifested in the present. And if you want to understand what results will be manifested in the future, look at the causes that exist in the present." It is why forgiveness, kindness and compassion are essential when rewriting a new karmic script for the future.

It is possible to experience exuberant joy and fall in love with being alive, irrespective of what has occurred in our life. The obstacles and challenges we experienced are not the impediments but are in fact the way. Our pain, hurt and misery are the keys to heal what is buried deep within us. As the former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom Winston Churchill once declared: "If you are going through hell, keep going." The way out through pain and heartache is not to run away from it or stow it deep within our mind since that makes it come back stronger. To overcome the wounds of the past requires us to experience them now in the present moment through the eyes of forgiveness and compassion. These higher vibrational states which are bestowed in love are the soul's eyes looking at itself through a canvas of love and equanimity.

To rediscover joy and fall in love with being alive requires we let go of hurt and disappointments while refusing to drag along excess baggage not relevant to our future. I often mention to coaching clients and audience members a three-word mantra to describe this process: Remember. Release. Renew. So we remember the past, however instead of witnessing it through the eyes of pain and suffering, we rewrite a new script through the eyes of forgiveness and compassion. To release means to let go of disempowering thoughts or emotions associated with the past since we cannot create a new future with these negative states following us. Renew invites us to appreciate the lessons imbued in those experiences, so we can see them through a new lens. If we wish to rediscover joy and fall in love with being alive, we must let go of that which impedes upon this way of life. Only then will we discover the fountain of joy that has been living within us all this time.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Why-Its-Never-Too-Late-To-Rediscover-Your-Joy-And-Fall-In-Love-With-Being-Alive&id=9982414

Poetry Therapy, My Outlet in Managing My Anger

Poetry therapy is the intentional use of poetry and other forms of literature for healing and personal growth. The objective is to achieve psychological well-being and healing through the uses of poetry or other spoken or written media.

But in my case, I used poetry as my outlet in managing my anger. I put everything into writing instead of expressing it verbally since anger is a negative emotion. It is a negative feeling that could destroy relationships and personal self-esteem. It should be managed wisely to avoid its ill-effects in our personality.

Even though anger is a natural emotion, but sometimes it can lead to uncomfortable and uncontrollable behavior as if anger is controlling us. But if we let our feelings out by writing about them, we can reread them and be able to laugh about it once our anger subsides.

Writing our anger out is very healing especially in the form of poetry that can bring up ideas, thoughts, and insights we didn't know were there. Surprisingly, we would be amazed with ourselves.

One thing to be aware of, aggravating our anger is not a good idea. What we need is transformation, by learning how to express and understand ourselves from a different perspective. And this time through poetry writing or composition.

Learning to forgive others and learning to forgive ourselves takes time in controlling our anger. Although, forgiveness is a powerful tool but if we allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd our positive feelings, we might find ourselves swallowed up by our own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if we can forgive someone who angered us, we might both learn from the situation.

When we learn how to work with our anger, we are contributing to our own good physical health and the health of our relationships. Anger is not wrong or bad, the bottom line is in learning how we can harness our anger.

So, the key with anger is balance. Having safe and positive ways to express our anger is very important. It is our capability to train ourselves on how to control our temper and to remain calm.

In fact, we can use anger as a motivation to achieve something. To avoid trouble for instance, we can learn how to keep our cool instead of reacting to the cause of our anger. Although, it's normal to feel angry when we've been mistreated, it only becomes a problem when we harm ourselves or others.

So, why not try using poetry to ease you anger now? If I am able to manage mine, why can't you?

This article is another form of coping up mechanisms in which you can use poetry as a therapy to control your negative emotions. By putting into writing all your disappointments and displeasure, you will be able to minimize being angry; thereby making poetry as an outlet of your anger.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Poetry-Therapy,-My-Outlet-in-Managing-My-Anger&id=8761646

Forgiveness - What? How? And Most Of All - Why?

Forgiveness - What? How? And Most Of All - Why?

Holidays are a tough time for many people because most of us have family issues. People are depressed either because they don't have a family, or they're depressed because they do and it's a mess. That makes the holidays an opportune time to talk about the subject of Forgiveness - what it is, how to go about doing it and most of all why.

What Is Forgiveness?

Hurt and anger are natural and normal responses when a wrong has been done to us. In fact, it is healthier to acknowledge that we were hurt than to pretend that everything is fine. It's not about whining, it's about honesty. Denial will turn into resentments that fester in dark places. We cannot heal until we are honest with ourselves.

But there is such a thing as 'too much honesty'; once we have felt our anger, perhaps stewed and grieved for a time we need to let it go or it will turn against us. Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. We're the only ones getting hurt. It becomes a necessity to take our foot off the neck of the offender.

We cannot wait until the injury is healed. It is not like taking off a bandage after the wound has healed. In this case the wound cannot really heal unless the bandage comes off first. Forgiveness is not something we do for the offender; it is necessary to do it for ourselves in order to heal.

How To Forgive

So everyone tells us to do it but nobody tells us how. The reason there aren't any instructions for forgiveness is because it is not really a thing in itself.

Forgiveness is not a process one can follow step by step; rather it is an awareness we gain. As long as we are caught up in tunnel vision all we can see is the injury and the wrong that has been done. In order for Forgiveness to occur we must step back and see the bigger picture. In order to see the big picture we must turn to Truth.

The Blame Game

It seems that almost everyone has taken a certain amount of damage from his or her childhood. It seems that way but that's not really true. Truth is that we did not enter this incarnation with a blank slate. We already had a certain energetic frequency level; the same level at which we left the last lifetime. We picked our parents accordingly, based on a frequency that matched our own; otherwise we could not have attracted them.

Our parents were people who consciously or unconsciously made themselves available to bring us into this physical world. They lent us their DNA out of which our bodies were formed. Without them we could not be here. Regardless of their level of parenting skills we owe them a karmic debt of gratitude for this.

The Iceberg Principles teach us that in this Universe our life experiences are reflections of our own beliefs and perceptions. Although our family's criticisms, lack of support, and abuse were real it could not have happened unless there was a match to our own beliefs and perceptions about what we deserved. The level of esteem at which we held ourselves became reflected in our parent's treatment of us. Since most of labored under the belief that we are much less than perfect, our childhood experiences reflected this.

What this means for us today is that we can stop playing the blame game. We can stop assigning culpability for our experiences to our parents. If they had given us anything different we would not have been able to perceive it. It would not have been a match to us. We can stop meting out punishment; our parent's behavior was simply a reflection of our highest level of awareness for us at the time. Their treatment of us was the best we could imagine for ourselves then.

The Best We Can Do

We do not come from our parents; we come through them. We share their physical DNA and we share a similar energetic frequency. This is the reason we appear so similarities to them. Bear in mind that the thing you most hate about your parents must also be in you, otherwise you could not see it.

My point is that you parents are people just like you. Just like you they did not come with a manual on how to act. Just like you they made mistakes. Just like you they can only ever do the best they can.

In some instances it might have appeared as if they were being intentionally mean. This might be true, however their actions were nevertheless rooted in ignorance. Nobody can hurt anybody else without first and finally hurting himself or herself first. If they had knows what they were doing to themselves, on an energetic, karmic level, they would not have done so. As it stood they were operating at their highest level of awareness. They may have fallen far short of proper conduct but it is still they best of which they are capable. Nobody can know more than they know.

Breaking The Cycle

Nobody can jump over his or her own shadow. The only way to break the cycle of hurt is to give them a break. Sometimes the very thought of giving a break to someone who has hurt us deeply is offensive but it is the only way to stop the pain that we are feeling.

The key to finding forgiveness is the recognition that everyone is always operating at his or her highest level of awareness. The moment we give somebody else a break we give ourselves a break, too. The moment we let them off the hook we can feel something inside of us let go. Our feeling for the other person may be less than loving but if we continue to hold them in condemnation we are the ones who continue to get hurt. As long as we hold on to our 'righteous anger' it is ourselves we hold imprisoned.

The Huge Pay-Off

Our family members reflect all of us. They reflect our worst in us but they also reflect our very best. As long as we remain focused on the bad we never get to the good. What we focus on always looms largest. As long as we remain focused on our family's mistakes we miss the good parts in them, and therefore we miss the good parts in ourselves as well.

Nobody's childhood was all-bad. No matter how horrible things might have been, there were happy moments that should be treasured but these moments remain locked away from memory as long as we only focus on the bad stuff. Unless we choose to end the cycle we can never experience the good again. Now however it is no longer on the offender; now it is us who is keeping the offense alive. We become the guilty party.

When we forgive the beautiful moments come back to us. This focus in the good is ultimately this is the only way in which we can finally; permanently heal the wounds of our childhood.

The True Spirit Of The Holidays

As you stop the cycle of anger towards your family - whether alive or dead - you break your own karmic cycle of ignorance and clear away the karmic misconceptions, which created the circumstances of your birth. You clean the slate. Your energetic frequency increases and you become ever more aware of your true nature, which is love.

As you become more loving it not only reflects in your own experience but also in the world around you. When you give yourself permission to forgive you literally make the world a better place and isn't that after all what the holidays are really all about?

https://ezinearticles.com/?Forgiveness---What?-How?-And-Most-Of-All---Why?&id=8159760

Why Releasing Pain From Your Heart Gives You The Freedom To Be Yourself

Love Must Flow Through You

Emotional pain strikes at the core of our being and can leave us feeling vulnerable in the weakest places.

Whether it's pain accumulated from childhood or an intimate relationship dissolving, there's a tendency to shut down afterwards.

People refer to the deep hurt that consumes them in the wake of a stressful experience. When they're asked where it hurts, they point to their chest.

This is because the heart gives and receives love. So when you experience sadness or disappointment, it is natural to feel your heart is breaking.

The term heartbroken refers to the heart being pulled apart through grief or sadness. The good and bad news is that none of us are immune to it unless you've been living under a rock, which I trust is not the case.

Nevertheless, you cannot hold on to feelings of sadness and disappointment because doing so means to inhibit life flowing through you. It is akin to building a dam from piles of rocks in a flowing river. Eventually, the force of the water will erode the rocks or find its way through it.

Author Davidji writes in Sacred Powers: The Five Secrets to Awakening Transformation: "What has happened in the past can't be changed. We can't unring the bell, but we can move forward... and how you choose to move forward from this moment, is the choice that will determine the fabric of your life."

Whilst pain can destroy your self-esteem, it will naturally recede and open your heart again. Love must flow through you because your core nature is vested in love.

Despite the hatred and evil in the world, love is the most powerful energy. Its healing ability shows that it is a powerful force in our lives.

No doubt if you're reading this, you have been hurt before. Perhaps you are still carrying the pain and refusing to let go because who would you be without the pain?

It is difficult to release pain following a traumatic experience. There's a sense of numbness, and emptiness in places you never knew existed. It's natural to protect yourself by vowing never to be hurt again.

But as you know, the wall you build to protect you is the same wall that prevents love finding its way into your life. Remember my earlier metaphor of the dam built of rocks. Ultimately the wall will must come down if you wish to find the freedom to be yourself again.

"Vulnerability is an essential part of being human, and vulnerabilities are the doorways back into peace, joy, and love," explains author Mary O'Malley in: What's in the Way Is the Way: A Practical Guide for Waking Up to Life.

Heal Your Wounds

I want you to know it is natural to protect yourself.

It is natural to experience hurt when the pain is too much to bear.

It is natural to cry yourself to sleep because nothing else makes sense, other than to identify with your emotional wounds.

I know what it's like because I have experienced deep emotional pain throughout my life. However I assure you, in the months and years that followed, it was the most pivotal point in my life.

I discovered the emotional pain settles and what is left is a most beautiful and expansive energy of love that has always been there.

"It is important to understand that you turn your pain into suffering when you resist it," says Mary O'Malley.

I liken it to moon gazing where the clouds sometimes obscure the moon. Yet, when the clouds pass, a full moon reveals itself hidden briefly beneath the cover of clouds.

The same is true of your pain. You can hold on to the pain or choose forgiveness and self-compassion, so love flows through you once more.

The pain associated with heartbreak is the heart's shell breaking open so love can flow freely.

Mary O'Malley says: "The more open your heart is, the more you have access to your natural state of peace, well-being, and ease, no matter what is happening."

You are the embodiment of love. Pain and disappointment are transitory states unless you attach yourself to them.

Renew The Love In Your Heart

How do you let go of the pain?

First, forgive yourself and others who contributed to your pain. If you need professional guidance, seek a trained counsellor or therapist who can direct your healing.

Forgiveness is the entry fee you pay for the freedom to be yourself once more. If the wall you constructed is your shield of protection, then forgiveness is the doorway through it. It shows you how to find inner peace, knowing you can withstand the torrents of life.

Forgiveness is the key to a better life and the freedom to experience the gentleness of love within your heart.

It is author Matt Kahn who states in Whatever Arises, Love That: A Love Revolution That Begins with You: "Through the welcoming of any feeling, cellular debris is released out of your energy field."

Second, lean in to your pain and experience it at your own pace. Naturally, what you stow away builds energy, so the emotional wounds will consume you. I've spent the past decade coaching clients who experienced physical symptoms as a result of deferring their emotional pain.

In collaboration with trained therapists, I helped the individual to heal their emotional and physical pain so they were able to discover freedom within themselves.

By drawing on mindfulness and self-compassion, your emotional wounds can be transformed.

It was Jill Bolte Taylor, a respected neuroanatomist who suffered a stroke and wrote about it in My Stroke of Insight. She states: "It takes an emotion two-and-a-half minutes to move through your nervous system," even debilitating emotions such as anger, sadness or grief. Yet many people hold on to their emotions for decades, to protect themselves from being hurt again while creating physical illness in their body.

Psychotherapist Linda Graham MFT writes in Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being: "Processing an emotion entails perceiving it, acknowledging it, being with it, taking whatever information is useful from it, and then letting the wave move through the body (as it naturally will if we don't grip it or feed it)."

Finally, make peace with the part of you that feels anger, fear, sadness or grief. Accept these emotions instead of pushing them down. Let go of guilt since it keeps you trapped and does little to transform your pain.

I don't want to justify why bad things happen because I don't have the answers and if I did, I would caution you to run quickly.

However, what I can say is that I've experienced pain and suffering at the deepest level and know there's a reason why I attracted it. You may discover your reason or you may not.

Either way, I urge you not to focus on WHY an experience occurs, but how you can transform and heal the pain. Pay attention to HOW can you heal yourself and reclaim your freedom by renewing the love in your heart.

Only then will you have integrated the experience into the wholeness of your being and allowed the emotional intensity to dissipate through you.

After all, pain is not who you are, but something you experienced and you have the power to revoke anytime you choose.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Why-Releasing-Pain-From-Your-Heart-Gives-You-The-Freedom-To-Be-Yourself&id=9865465

Feeling Guilty? How to Finally Let It Go

If you have ever experienced feeling guilty, then you realize that it can be quite debilitating, burdensome, and stressful.

It's like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and you can't seem to shrug it off and, if you can, it only lasts temporarily and then the heavy thoughts and feelings return.

You may find yourself tossing and turning at night and losing sleep over what troubles you.

Some people feel so remorseful that it last a lifetime.

You may feel that if you let go of the guilt then you aren't taking responsibility for that about which you feel guilty.

Perhaps you don't believe you can forgive yourself or don't know how. You can learn to though, one step at a time.

If what has occurred involves another person, and you want their forgiveness, this may or may not happen. Remember, you need to forgive yourself whether the other person is able to forgive or not forgive you.

Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting; it means moving forward from that which is continuing to hurt you.

On some level you may believe that feeling guilty is your penance for how how you feel or what occurred.

You may find you are angry at yourself; this is quite a common feeling.

"Guilt is anger directed at ourselves - at what we did or did not do. Resentment is anger directed at others - at what they did or did not do." Peter McWilliams

It might feel like you can't seem to lift this weight of guilt off your shoulders, but oh, you can.

When I did body-psychotherapy with clients, and now coaching, the two places most people hold guilt in their bodies is in their necks and shoulders. The heart is often affected as well.

Guilt has a heaviness to it and can be exhausting.

It may feel like it's yours and yours alone to carry. It doesn't have to be that way though.

There are ways you can begin to heal, forgive yourself, and let the guilt go.

You can share with someone why you are feeling guilty. You might be afraid that if you tell a person how you feel they might judge you, or not forgive you. Choose a friend, coach, counsellor, mentor, who you believe is non-judgmental.

Write down how you are feeling. Writing and talking about things are very healing. Instead of keeping everything all bottled up, you are opening up to heal.

Ask yourself, "Why am I holding onto this guilt?"

Ask yourself, "When do I want to let this feeling go?" Today?

Ask yourself, "What do I need to do to let go of this?" Maybe it's writing a letter, talking to someone, meditating upon it, doing a ceremony around it, doing visualization, body-work, etc.

"Ask yourself, "Do I need to forgive myself?" Easier said than done? Sometimes yes. This is an important and necessary step to moving through the guilt, letting it go, and then healing.

Learn from what has occurred. For some people it takes more than one time for them to learn the same lesson. What's key when something occurs where you feel guilty is to learn from it. What if anything could you do differently now?

Some feelings of remorse are easier to let go of than others. What's important is recognizing when you are feeling guilty, then proceeding to do something about it.

Don't allow guilt to weigh you down any longer. Begin to lighten the load by doing something about it.

Today, will you choose to let go of your guilt?

Use these techniques to assist you in letting go of guilt so you can get back to living and enjoying more of life.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Feeling-Guilty?-How-to-Finally-Let-It-Go&id=7780008