Showing posts with label unhappy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label unhappy. Show all posts

Is It Easier to Be Unhappy or Happy?


This was a question that was put before me recently and I thought it an interesting one. For many people the answer is it's easier to be unhappy, because unhappiness, struggle and complaint are their default beliefs and behaviors. For others, happiness seems to come easily. We all know those people who seem just naturally happy, no matter what. They bounce back from setbacks and keep going along their merry way.

So why is that? In her book, "Happy for No Reason", Marci Shimoff states the happiness is about 50% genetic and 50% learned. We all have a "happiness set point" that we come into this world with. Some people really are naturally more happy. Happiness is also a matter of what we absorbed as children from our environment. We picked up beliefs about life from our parents, other family members, teachers, friends, religious leaders and mass consciousness. If you heard that "Life is hard," "It's a jungle out there," "You'll never amount to anything," "You just can't get ahead," "You can't trust anyone" and other similar beliefs, you absorbed those ideas into your subconscious and they affect your outlook on life. Your behaviors will then be influenced by your beliefs, whether you realize you hold them or not, and the results you get in life will be the result of how you act in the world.

So the default for many people is to complain, blame others or situations for what's wrong in their lives, or to feel guilty for not being where or who they think they "should" be in life. It's easy to complain and blame. Remember the saying "misery loves company"? If you believe that and have something to complain about you'll surely find people who are willing to jump right in there with you to commiserate. It feels validating for a short time. You feel part of the group. That's the payoff for staying stuck in unhappiness. The problem is, nothing ever changes.

The good news is, you can raise your happiness set point.

The main thing we all really want in life is to be happy. With awareness of our thoughts and behaviors and the practice of new habits, we can raise our happiness level. It's possible to be happy without our outside circumstances changing. Real happiness is not the result of changed circumstances, but of changed outlook and response to life. In fact, when you're happy first, your life actually flows better as a result. Happy people get better treatment, more opportunities and enjoy better health.

The key word here, is practice. You need to be willing to make the commitment to new ways of thinking and approaching life. Just like learning how to play a musical instrument or learning a new language, learning how to be happy and setting it as your new default response takes consistent practice over time. So the question to ask yourself is, "Am I willing to make the small effort to change into a happy person? Am I willing to do the work to change my life?"

If your answer is yes, here are some happiness habits to get you started:

  1. Be solutions focused. Are you looking at the problem or are you looking at how you might solve it? What is going right that you can capitalize on?
  2. Question your thoughts. Just because you have a thought, it doesn't make it true. What is a thought that is as true or truer than the one you just had that feels better? Lean into the better feeling thought.
  3. Surround yourself with happy people. Happiness is contagious!
  4. Look for the lesson and the gift in every situation. Everything is FOR us in some way. What are you learning from challenging situations? How are you growing? Who are you becoming?
  5. Practice gratitude. No matter what your situation is, there is always something to be grateful for. Gratitude centers you in your heart and lifts your spirits. If you are reading this, you can see and you know how to read. There's two right there! Practice this every day by either saying your gratitude out loud or writing it down. Lives have been turned around by this practice alone.
  6. Get in touch with your purpose. What excites you? What are you passionate about? What do you do really well that you also enjoy? People who are inspired by purpose are happier people

It may be easier to stay stuck in unhappiness, but the rewards of making the decision and commitment to practice happiness are great!


http://ezinearticles.com/?Is-It-Easier-to-Be-Unhappy-or-Happy?&id=9469859

How To Keep Yourself Happy


Think about how dull the world would be without happiness. Without happiness, it would be like donuts without sprinkles and a cup of tea without biscuits. The world needs its equilibrium, a balance like that of Yin and Yang's. Without happiness, imagine what the world would be without the vibrant colors of the flowers and the sounds of the morning birds that flew by.

The world spins around its axis and never stops its mechanical work. With heavy tasks upon its shoulder, never for once it complains or expresses its unhappiness. And yet, us living creatures deal with unhappiness and dissatisfaction every day.

Why Do People Become Unhappy?

People have varying reasons upon why they are unhappy. Unhappiness can come from large issues and serious ones like the increase in unemployment rate. In various parts of the globe, not only it leads to economic crisis, but also affects the quality of living. Sometimes, people can be unhappy with the littlest things- when one loses a notepad or when a pencil accidentally breaks. Being happy is not at all an impossible state; though, it is truly difficult to remain 'happy' at all times. With numerous factors that affect one's feelings, emotions, and thoughts, happiness runs away and dissolves into thin air from time to time.

Do What Makes You Feel Like Being Yourself

In most cases, people feel 'happy' whenever they get to do what they like. Be it sports or music, getting oneself emerged into activities or hobbies can help increase self-confidence and self-value. It is highly important to respect oneself, understand what one likes, and know what can be done to be in a healthy mood. Doing what others do to look good does not meet the requirements of being happy. It is crucial to do enjoyable things that keeps the atmosphere healthy, happy, and cheerful.

Happiness Needs No Accompany

Being sociable does not relate purely to happiness. Although meeting people and having social interactions trigger happiness in most cases, one can be happy without a companion. Alone-time is a completely different concept from isolation. Having some private time or alone-time not only allows one to have some 'quiet' thinking time, but also enables one to ask several questions about the things happening around them. Listening to classical music, planting trees, cooking, reading, and so many other activities are available for one to enjoy the time alone when friends and family members are not around.

The quickest way to happiness is optimism. Be a positive thinker and happiness will definitely come along the way. Whenever there is an obstacle, think of it as a challenge. This way, only the bell of happiness rings.


http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Keep-Yourself-Happy&id=9519620

Get Yourself Out of Emotional Detention


Grayscale Photography of Man Sitting Beside Wall

There may be a few among us who never ever had to go to detention throughout our school years, but most of us experienced what my high school euphemistically - optimistically? - called "study hall," at least once, if not more often. Some kids actually seemed to spend more time in detention than they did in class, but whether you were relegated to those dismal couple of hours after school once or frequently, the experience is the same - prison.

OK, so no bars, no guards, no orange jump suits, but the idea is all too similar. Your precious freedom is cut off, there's a teacher or some other official "watcher" making sure you sit there doing homework (yeah, right), and you aren't allowed to talk, text, eat, or do any of the other things normal kids like to do. Detention is about as effective as prison, in that the recidivism rates are high: some kids are scared straight, others populate "study hall" so often they practically have chairs with their names on them.

How is this relevant to you? Too often, when we've done or said something our better self knows wasn't that swift, we put ourselves in "detention" of a mental or emotional sort. Oh, we don't slump off to a dedicated detention room, true, but we do slump off... into a mental and emotional berating.

A beat-ourselves-up pity party along the lines of, "How could I have been so stupid!" "Why did I say/do that?" "Now I really messed up, he/she will never forgive me," "I can't believe I said/did that, he/she will never want to see me again," "I'll can't get this right, what's the use in trying?" And on and on it goes.

Which does about as much good as detention did in school. Sometimes we scare ourselves into better behavior, but for the most part, all we accomplish is feeling depressed, unhappy, and even more of a jerk or failure.

A school in Baltimore, Robert W. Coleman Elementary, has adopted a novel approach to detention. They don't do it. Instead there's a "Mindful Moment Room," which isn't just a renaming of detention, like my school's "study hall," it's literally an entirely different concept. Misbehaving kids are taught mindfulness, meditation and breathing exercises, along with the opportunity (and encouragement!) to work with counselors.

What's remarkable about the program, is that it works. Since the school started participating in the non-detention after-school program called "Holistic Me" two years ago, they haven't had to issue a single suspension. Things are really going well at Baltimore Elementary.

What if you treated yourself to a "Mindful Moment" approach, rather than your typical "beat-myself-up-bad-person-poor-me" episode? What if you took some deep breaths, allowed your mind to quiet for a few moments. Then, as neutrally as possible, took a look at the bigger picture.

What were you trying to accomplish? As a kid, you generally landed in detention because you were bored or frustrated. What you were trying to accomplish was an end to boredom or frustration, you just went about it in a disruptive way. As an adult, you most definitely were trying to accomplish something positive, trying to turn a situation around. It's rare that any one of us is going about trying to be destructive or disruptive for no reason.

Once you've got a sense of the bigger picture, focus on what you might do going forward that would be more effective. Keep breathing. Meditation can help keep you calm. Meditation can also help you zero in on possible new ways of doing whatever it was you were trying to accomplish.

"Mindful Moments" work, whether you're six, sixteen, thirty-six or older. And they are far better for your overall health and well-being than the "let me see how hard I can beat myself up" approach.


http://ezinearticles.com/?Get-Yourself-Out-of-Emotional-Detention&id=9726300

The Likely Cause of Addiction Has Been Discovered – It’s Not What You Think



It is now one hundred years since drugs were first banned, and all through this long century of waging war on drugs, we have been told a story about addiction by our teachers and by our governments. This story is so deeply ingrained in our minds that we take it for granted. It seems obvious. It seems manifestly true. Until I set off three and a half years ago on a 30,000-mile journey for my new book, Chasing The Scream: The First And Last Days of the War on Drugs, to figure out what is really driving the drug war, I believed it too. But what I learned on the road is that almost everything we have been told about addiction is wrong, and there is a very different story waiting for us, if only we are ready to hear it.
If we truly absorb this new story, we will have to change a lot more than the drug war. We will have to change ourselves.
I learned it from an extraordinary mixture of people I met on my travels. From the surviving friends of Billie Holiday, who helped me to learn how the founder of the war on drugs stalked and helped to kill her. From a Jewish doctor who was smuggled out of the Budapest ghetto as a baby, only to unlock the secrets of addiction as a grown man. From a transsexual crack dealer in Brooklyn who was conceived when his mother, a crack-addict, was raped by his father, an NYPD officer. From a man who was kept at the bottom of a well for two years by a torturing dictatorship, only to emerge to be elected President of Uruguay and to begin the last days of the war on drugs.
I had a quite personal reason to set out for these answers. One of my earliest memories as a kid is trying to wake up one of my relatives, and not being able to. Ever since then, I have been turning over the essential mystery of addiction in my mind — what causes some people to become fixated on a drug or a behavior until they can’t stop? How do we help those people to come back to us? As I got older, another of my close relatives developed a cocaine addiction, and I fell into a relationship with a heroin addict. I guess addiction felt like home to me.
If you had asked me what causes drug addiction at the start, I would have looked at you as if you were an idiot, and said: “Drugs. Duh.” It’s not difficult to grasp. I thought I had seen it in my own life. We can all explain it. Imagine if you and I and the next twenty people to pass us on the street take a really potent drug for twenty days. There are strong chemical hooks in these drugs, so if we stopped on day twenty-one, our bodies would need the chemical. We would have a ferocious craving. We would be addicted. That’s what addiction means.
One of the ways this theory was first established is through rat experiments — ones that were injected into the American psyche in the 1980s, in a famous advert by the Partnership for a Drug-Free America. You may remember it. The experiment is simple. Put a rat in a cage, alone, with two water bottles. One is just water. The other is water laced with heroin or cocaine. Almost every time you run this experiment, the rat will become obsessed with the drugged water, and keep coming back for more and more, until it kills itself.

The advert explains:
“Only one drug is so addictive, nine out of ten laboratory rats will use it. And use it. And use it. Until dead. It’s called cocaine. And it can do the same thing to you.”
But in the 1970s, a professor of Psychology in Vancouver called Bruce Alexander noticed something odd about this experiment. The rat is put in the cage all alone. It has nothing to do but take the drugs. What would happen, he wondered, if we tried this differently? So Professor Alexander built Rat Park. It is a lush cage where the rats would have colored balls and the best rat-food and tunnels to scamper down and plenty of friends: everything a rat about town could want. What, Alexander wanted to know, will happen then?
In Rat Park, all the rats obviously tried both water bottles, because they didn’t know what was in them. But what happened next was startling.
The rats with good lives didn’t like the drugged water. They mostly shunned it, consuming less than a quarter of the drugs the isolated rats used. None of them died. While all the rats who were alone and unhappy became heavy users, none of the rats who had a happy environment did.
At first, I thought this was merely a quirk of rats, until I discovered that there was – at the same time as the Rat Park experiment – a helpful human equivalent taking place. It was called the Vietnam War. Time magazine reported using heroin was “as common as chewing gum” among U.S. soldiers, and there is solid evidence to back this up: some 20 percent of U.S. soldiers had become addicted to heroin there, according to a study published in the Archives of General Psychiatry. Many people were understandably terrified; they believed a huge number of addicts were about to head home when the war ended.
But in fact some 95 percent of the addicted soldiers — according to the same study — simply stopped. Very few had rehab. They shifted from a terrifying cage back to a pleasant one, so didn’t want the drug any more.
Professor Alexander argues this discovery is a profound challenge both to the right-wing view that addiction is a moral failing caused by too much hedonistic partying, and the liberal view that addiction is a disease taking place in a chemically hijacked brain. In fact, he argues, addiction is an adaptation. It’s not you. It’s your cage.
After the first phase of Rat Park, Professor Alexander then took this test further. He reran the early experiments, where the rats were left alone, and became compulsive users of the drug. He let them use for fifty-seven days — if anything can hook you, it’s that. Then he took them out of isolation, and placed them in Rat Park. He wanted to know, if you fall into that state of addiction, is your brain hijacked, so you can’t recover? Do the drugs take you over? What happened is — again — striking. The rats seemed to have a few twitches of withdrawal, but they soon stopped their heavy use, and went back to having a normal life. The good cage saved them. (The full references to all the studies I am discussing are in my book.)
When I first learned about this, I was puzzled. How can this be? This new theory is such a radical assault on what we have been told that it felt like it could not be true. But the more scientists I interviewed, and the more I looked at their studies, the more I discovered things that don’t seem to make sense — unless you take account of this new approach.
Here’s one example of an experiment that is happening all around you, and may well happen to you one day. If you get run over today and you break your hip, you will probably be given diamorphine, the medical name for heroin. In the hospital around you, there will be plenty of people also given heroin for long periods, for pain relief. The heroin you will get from the doctor will have a much higher purity and potency than the heroin being used by street-addicts, who have to buy from criminals who adulterate it. So if the old theory of addiction is right – it’s the drugs that cause it; they make your body need them – then it’s obvious what should happen. Loads of people should leave the hospital and try to score smack on the streets to meet their habit.
But here’s the strange thing: It virtually never happens. As the Canadian doctor Gabor Mate was the first to explain to me, medical users just stop, despite months of use. The same drug, used for the same length of time, turns street-users into desperate addicts and leaves medical patients unaffected.
If you still believe – as I used to – that addiction is caused by chemical hooks, this makes no sense. But if you believe Bruce Alexander’s theory, the picture falls into place. The street-addict is like the rats in the first cage, isolated, alone, with only one source of solace to turn to. The medical patient is like the rats in the second cage. She is going home to a life where she is surrounded by the people she loves. The drug is the same, but the environment is different.
This gives us an insight that goes much deeper than the need to understand addicts. Professor Peter Cohen argues that human beings have a deep need to bond and form connections. It’s how we get our satisfaction. If we can’t connect with each other, we will connect with anything we can find — the whirr of a roulette wheel or the prick of a syringe. He says we should stop talking about ‘addiction’ altogether, and instead call it ‘bonding.’ A heroin addict has bonded with heroin because she couldn’t bond as fully with anything else.


So the opposite of addiction is not sobriety. It is human connection.
When I learned all this, I found it slowly persuading me, but I still couldn’t shake off a nagging doubt. Are these scientists saying chemical hooks make no difference? It was explained to me — you can become addicted to gambling, and nobody thinks you inject a pack of cards into your veins. You can have all the addiction, and none of the chemical hooks. I went to a Gamblers’ Anonymous meeting in Las Vegas (with the permission of everyone present, who knew I was there to observe) and they were as plainly addicted as the cocaine and heroin addicts I have known in my life. Yet there are no chemical hooks on a craps table.
But still, surely, I asked, there is some role for the chemicals? It turns out there is an experiment which gives us the answer to this in quite precise terms, which I learned about in Richard DeGrandpre’s book The Cult of Pharmacology.
Everyone agrees cigarette smoking is one of the most addictive processes around. The chemical hooks in tobacco come from a drug inside it called nicotine. So when nicotine patches were developed in the early 1990s, there was a huge surge of optimism — cigarette smokers could get all of their chemical hooks, without the other filthy (and deadly) effects of cigarette smoking. They would be freed.
But the Office of the Surgeon General has found that just 17.7 percent of cigarette smokers are able to stop using nicotine patches. That’s not nothing. If the chemicals drive 17.7 percent of addiction, as this shows, that’s still millions of lives ruined globally. But what it reveals again is that the story we have been taught about The Cause of Addiction lying with chemical hooks is, in fact, real, but only a minor part of a much bigger picture.
This has huge implications for the one-hundred-year-old war on drugs. This massive war — which, as I saw, kills people from the malls of Mexico to the streets of Liverpool — is based on the claim that we need to physically eradicate a whole array of chemicals because they hijack people’s brains and cause addiction. But if drugs aren’t the driver of addiction — if, in fact, it is disconnection that drives addiction — then this makes no sense.
Ironically, the war on drugs actually increases all those larger drivers of addiction. For example, I went to a prison in Arizona — ‘Tent City’ — where inmates are detained in tiny stone isolation cages (‘The Hole’) for weeks and weeks on end to punish them for drug use. It is as close to a human recreation of the cages that guaranteed deadly addiction in rats as I can imagine. And when those prisoners get out, they will be unemployable because of their criminal record — guaranteeing they with be cut off even more. I watched this playing out in the human stories I met across the world.
There is an alternative. You can build a system that is designed to help drug addicts to reconnect with the world — and so leave behind their addictions.
This isn’t theoretical. It is happening. I have seen it. Nearly fifteen years ago, Portugal had one of the worst drug problems in Europe, with 1 percent of the population addicted to heroin. They had tried a drug war, and the problem just kept getting worse. So they decided to do something radically different. They resolved to decriminalize all drugs, and transfer all the money they used to spend on arresting and jailing drug addicts, and spend it instead on reconnecting them — to their own feelings, and to the wider society. The most crucial step is to get them secure housing, and subsidized jobs so they have a purpose in life, and something to get out of bed for. I watched as they are helped, in warm and welcoming clinics, to learn how to reconnect with their feelings, after years of trauma and stunning them into silence with drugs.
One example I learned about was a group of addicts who were given a loan to set up a removals firm. Suddenly, they were a group, all bonded to each other, and to the society, and responsible for each other’s care.
The results of all this are now in. An independent study by the British Journal of Criminologyfound that since total decriminalization, addiction has fallen, and injecting drug use is down by 50 percent. I’ll repeat that: injecting drug use is down by 50 percent. Decriminalization has been such a manifest success that very few people in Portugal want to go back to the old system. The main campaigner against the decriminalization back in 2000 was Joao Figueira, the country’s top drug cop. He offered all the dire warnings that we would expect from theDaily Mail or Fox News. But when we sat together in Lisbon, he told me that everything he predicted had not come to pass — and he now hopes the whole world will follow Portugal’s example.
This isn’t only relevant to the addicts I love. It is relevant to all of us, because it forces us to think differently about ourselves. Human beings are bonding animals. We need to connect and love. The wisest sentence of the twentieth century was E.M. Forster’s — “only connect”. But we have created an environment and a culture that cut us off from connection, or offer only the parody of it offered by the Internet. The rise of addiction is a symptom of a deeper sickness in the way we live — constantly directing our gaze towards the next shiny object we should buy, rather than the human beings all around us.
The writer George Monbiot has called this “the age of loneliness“. We have created human societies where it is easier for people to become cut off from all human connections than ever before. Bruce Alexander — the creator of Rat Park — told me that for too long, we have talked exclusively about individual recovery from addiction. We need now to talk about social recovery — how we all recover, together, from the sickness of isolation that is sinking on us like a thick fog.
But this new evidence isn’t just a challenge to us politically. It doesn’t just force us to change our minds. It forces us to change our hearts.
Loving an addict is really hard. When I looked at the addicts I love, it was always tempting to follow the tough love advice doled out by reality shows like Intervention — tell the addict to shape up, or cut them off. Their message is that an addict who won’t stop should be shunned. It’s the logic of the drug war, imported into our private lives. But in fact, I learned, that will only deepen their addiction — and you may lose them altogether. I came home determined to tie the addicts in my life closer to me than ever — to let them know I love them unconditionally, whether they stop, or whether they can’t.
When I returned from my long journey, I looked at my ex-boyfriend, in withdrawal, trembling on my spare bed, and I thought about him differently. For a century now, we have been singing war songs about addicts. It occurred to me as I wiped his brow, we should have been singing love songs to them all along.

3 Habits That Keep You Anxious & Unhappy

In a world filled with quick fixes and simple solutions, it's easy to get accustomed to the commonality of just "getting by."
For years I was guilty of the same. In an attempt to deal with the mounting stress following my generalized anxiety and panic disorder diagnosis, I found relief in smoking, drinking and taking pills.
I had an ever evolving dependence to anti-anxiety medication, which eventually spiraled into a two and a half year addiction. My life was simply about surviving and trying to make it through the day.
Things changed for me on the fateful day that I accidentally overdosed. However, it seemed to be the wake up call that I desperately needed. It shook me up quite a bit, and I realized how fortunate I was to have survived. Since then, I committed myself to living a healthier, more sustainable lifestyle.
After much trial and error and years of research, I discovered a system that ultimately saved my life. I started juicing daily, developed a morning meditation ritual and started a regular yoga practice. This "trinity of wellness" changed my life forever. It started me on a new path and has already helped countless people around the world, who I work with daily.
Nonetheless, in spite of the incredible progress I've made over the last few years I realize that growth is a constantly evolving process. As long as we continue to set our sights on new targets, there will always be room for improvement.
Throughout my journey, I uncovered a few things about myself that were holding me back from becoming the person I needed to be. I realized that in order to continue growing, I needed to change some of my natural tendencies.
Here are the three habits I had to break in order to stop surviving and start living:
1. Finding comfort in complacency
It's human nature to linger wherever we find comfort and familiarity. We naturally gravitate toward places of pleasure and enjoyment. Unfortunately, contentment can be an unfavorable characteristic that prohibits our ability to grow.
Addiction was my place of complacency. It was my escape from my anxiety and the stresses of adulthood. No matter the dangerous implications, I was satisfied knowing that I had a way out. I found comfort in knowing that I didn't have to face my problems if I didn't want to.
I was afraid to experience what my life would be like if I allowed myself to be exposed to a reality that I couldn't accept. When I was taking meds, I didn't feel anything. I was cut off from all emotion and compassion. I found solace in my ability to remain numb to life. But it was the comfort of my complacency that nearly killed me.
I realize now that there's nothing wrong with being comfortable, however. If we are to continue advancing and growing, we must find comfort in discomfort. We need to challenge ourselves beyond our perceived limits, or remain stagnant in all of our pursuits.
Only by our own discontent do we deny evolution. Complacency, just like fear, is one of the main contributors to failure. So don't let comfort hold you back!
2. The fear of being wrong
It seems as if being wrong is often the most undesirable outcome of any situation. We're generally willing to argue tirelessly, project hostility and possibly tarnish relationships, in order to vindicate our position.
This is simply due to prideful indifference.
By willingly accepting fault, we can simply empower ourselves to utilize useful information in the pursuit of happiness. On the other hand, by fearing the idea of being wrong, we are evading the opportunity to discover such happiness, relying solely on what we know, not what's left to learn.
Despite being misguided by my physician, I was wrong to accept medication as my only treatment option. I was wrong to trust someone else's opinion more than I trusted my own instincts. But I've learned through recovery that being wrong is essential in the hunt for prosperity. I discovered a healthier way to manage my disorder, simply because I learned from the mistake of being wrong.
Instead of denying your mistaken truths, we should use them to break free of our infirmities. Being wrong inspired me to changed my life, so just imagine what it can do for you, too
3. Caring about the opinions of others
When we get wrapped up in the opinions of others, we begin to lose sight of our own identity. We start following the path other people expect us to travel, completely negating our true purpose, uniqueness and happiness.
All my life I've been judged by others. I was criticized for dropping out of college, talked bad about for sharing my experiences with addiction, and was even chastised by my peers for my dietary choices. No one took any consideration into the ideas behind my decisions, nor how each of them benefitted my life. But had I cared about any of those opinions, I wouldn't be where I am today.
Anxiety is the fear of possibility; the despair of the unknown. It's bred from the concerns of being faced with things we haven't prepared for. By leaving yourself open to possibility, we allow ourselves to welcome limitless opportunity.
Happiness is nothing more than a personal opinion. It's the acceptance of optimism in spite of the expectation of adversity. We are often the ones standing in our own way.
Letting go of these three habits will allow you to expand your horizons and let the universe conspire on your behalf.
Plant the seeds that will bear the fruit of positive reassurance. Don't limit yourself based on impractical understanding. Be free, be happy, be well!

20 Signs You're Unhappy (But Don't Even Realize It)

Our entire culture suffers from what the shamans call “soul loss,” a loss of meaning, direction, vitality, mission, purpose, identity, and genuine connection; a deep unhappiness that most of us have come to consider as simply ordinary.
The soul is our source of absolute uniqueness, a place within that connects you not only to your own value and essence, but to the value and essence of every other living being. What makes soul loss so subtle and dangerous is that very few people have realized that it has happened. Most of us do not know that we have disconnected from our soul and have come to accept as normal a numbness and lack of meaning in our lives.
Because we all belong to this culture, we all suffer from soul loss. It's epidemic and blinds us from seeing the potential for joy and wholeness in ordinary life. When you heal from soul loss, you see familiar things in new ways so you can increase your joy in what you already have.
Not sure if you’re suffering from soul loss? Here are 20 diagnostic signs that signal soul loss:
  1. You feel like you’re not as good as other people.
  2. You yearn to be of service, but you have no idea what you have to contribute and why it matters.
  3. You find yourself striving in vain for an impossible-to-achieve standard of perfection.
  4. Your fears keep you from living large.
  5. You’re frequently worried that you’re not good enough, smart enough, thin enough, young enough, [fill in the blank] enough.
  6. You feel like a victim of circumstances that are beyond your control.
  7. You feel like your daily life is meaningless and task-driven.
  8. You often feel helpless, hopeless, or pessimistic.
  9. You protect your heart with steel walls.
  10. You often feel you don’t really matter and your love doesn’t make a difference.
  11. You’re always trying to fit in and belong, but rarely feel like you do.
  12. You feel beaten down by the challenges you face in your life.
  13. You suffer from a variety of vague, hard to treat physical symptoms, such as fatigue, chronic pain, weight gain or loss, insomnia, skin disorders, or gastrointestinal symptoms.
  14. You struggle with being able to accept love and nurturing.
  15. You feel depressed, anxious, or chronically worried.
  16. You feel like you’re not appreciated enough.
  17. You find yourself judging others.
  18. You frequently numb yourself with alcohol, drugs, sex, television, or excessive busyness.
  19. You feel disappointed with life.
  20. You’ve forgotten how to dream.
How soul loss shows up at the doctor’s office
As a physician, I’ve had years of experience diagnosing soul loss in my patients, but Western medicine has no framework for this kind of diagnosis, and as doctors, we’re not taught to treat this kind of suffering, so we wind up mistreating it.
What people suffering from soul loss need is the deep medicine of reconnection with the soul, but in our culture, we tend to treat soul loss too superficially. We treat the chronic pain with pain medication. We treat the insomnia with sleeping pills. We treat the weight issues with diet and exercise. And most damagingly, we may label soul loss as mental illness, such as depression, and cover up the symptoms with psychiatric medications that may make things worse by slapping a Band-aid on a wound that’s not healing underneath the bandage.
The treatment you really need
Sometimes the soul needs space in order to heal, and this may require the courage to make some external changes in your life. Perhaps you need to switch careers in order to give the soul more room to breathe. Perhaps an unhealthy relationship is constricting the soul, and it’s time to get into therapy, set boundaries, or even end things. Perhaps you need to find more people to love or relocate to a place that helps your soul come alive.
Perhaps you need to give your soul permission to engage in more creative activities. Such eternal changes may be part of the prescription the inner doctor of your soul writes. But very often, those kinds of major life overhauls are NOT NECESSARY! Reconnecting to the soul allows you to find peace and happiness right where you are in ways that are much simpler and more profound than you might think. It can be astounding to discover that you’ve had what you needed all along and have been looking in all the wrong places. Perhaps all that is needed is to see the life you’re already living in a different way.
10 ways your soul guides you in daily life
If you’re suffering from soul loss, what can you do about it? The first step to healing from soul loss is learning to reconnect to the guidance of your soul. In order to help you, Kitchen Table Wisdom author Rachel Naomi Remen and I are offering a free 
We’ll be teaching you one surprising vehicle the soul uses to speak to you loud and clear, how to interpret not only the green lights that affirm your path, but the red lights that redirect you, a way to ensure that the people you surround yourself with reflect back to you the voice of your soul and not the voice of your fear, a tool for interpreting how your soul speaks to you via the body, the one feeling that is always your soul talking, and more ...
We hope you’ll join, but even if you don’t, remember: your soul is always with you. You are always being guided. You don’t need anything outside of you to heal from soul loss. You already have all that you need to heal yourself.

The 3 Decisions That Will Change Your Financial Life


There’s nothing worse than a rich person who’s chronically angry or unhappy. There’s really no excuse for it, yet I see this phenomenon every day. It results from an extremely unbalanced life, one with too much expectation and not enough appreciation for what’s there.
Without gratitude and appreciation for what you already have, you’ll never know true fulfilment. But how do you cultivate balance in life? What’s the point of achievement if your life has no balance?
For nearly four decades, I’ve had the privilege of coaching people from every walk of life, including some of the most powerful men and women on the planet. I’ve worked with presidents of the United States as well as owners of small businesses.   
Across the board, I’ve found that virtually every moment people make three key decisions that dictate the quality of their lives.
If you make these decisions unconsciously, you'll end up like majority of people who tend to be out of shape physically, exhausted emotionally and often financially stressed. But if you make these decisions consciously, you can literally change the course of your life today. 

Decision 1: Carefully choose what to focus on.


At every moment, millions of things compete for your attention. You can focus on things that are happening right here and now or on what you want to create in the future. Or you can focus on the past.
Where focus goes, energy flows. What you focus on and your pattern for doing so shapes your entire life. 
Which area do you tend to focus on more: what you have or what’s missing from your life?
I’m sure you think about both sides of this coin. But if you examine your habitual thoughts, what do you tend to spend most of your time dwelling on? 
Rather than focusing on what you don’t have and begrudging those who are better off than you financially, perhaps you should acknowledge that you have much to be grateful for and some of it has nothing to do with money. You can be grateful for your health, family, friends, opportunities and mind.
Developing a habit of appreciating what you have can create a new level of emotional well-being and wealth. But the real question is, do you take time to deeply feel grateful with your mind, body, heart and soul? That’s where the joy, happiness and fulfillment can be found. 
Consider a second pattern of focus that affects the quality of your life: Do you tend to focus more on what you can control or what you can’t?
If you focus on what you can’t control, you’ll have more stress in life. You can influence many aspects of your life but you usually can’t control them. 
When you adopt this pattern of focus, your brain has to make another decision:  

Decision 2: Figure out, What does this all mean?

Ultimately, how you feel about your life has nothing to do with the events in it or with your financial condition or what has (or hasn't) happened to you. The quality of your life is controlled by the meaning you give these things.
Most of the time you may be unaware of the effect of your unconscious mind in assigning meaning to life’s events. 
When something happens that disrupts your life (a car accident, a health issue, a job loss), do you tend to think that this is the end or the beginning?
If someone confronts you, is that person insulting you, coaching you or truly caring for you?
Does a devastating problem mean that God is punishing you or challenging you? Or is it possible that this problem is a gift from God? 
Your life takes on whatever meaning you give it. With each meaning comes a unique feeling or emotion and the quality of your life involves where you live emotionally. 
I always ask during my seminars, “How many of you know someone who is on antidepressants and still depressed?” Typically 85 percent to 90 percent of those assembled raise their hands.
How is this possible? The drugs should make people feel better. It's true that antidepressants do come with labels warning that suicidal thoughts are a possible side effect.
But no matter how much a person drugs himself, if he constantly focuses on what he can’t control in life and what’s missing, he won't find it hard to despair. If he adds to that a meaning like “life is not worth living,” that's an emotional cocktail that no antidepressant can consistently overcome. 
Yet if that same person can arrive at a new meaning, a reason to live or a belief that all this was meant to be, then he will be stronger than anything that ever happened to him.
When people shift their habitual focus and meanings, there’s no limit on what life can become. A change of focus and a shift in meaning can literally alter someone's biochemistry in minutes. 
So take control and always remember: Meaning equals emotion and emotion equals lifeChoose consciously and wisely. Find an empowering meaning in any event, and wealth in its deepest sense will be yours today. 
Once you create a meaning in your mind, it creates an emotion, and that emotion leads to a state for making your third decision:

Decision 3: What will you do?  

The actions you take are powerfully shaped by the emotional state you're in. If you're angry, you're going to behave quite differently than if you're feeling playful or outrageous. 
If you want to shape your actions, the fastest way is to change what you focus on and shift the meaning to be something more empowering.
Two people who are angry will behave differently. Some pull back. Others push through.
Some individuals express anger quietly. Others do so loudly or violently. Yet others suppress it only to look for a passive-aggressive opportunity to regain the upper hand or even exact revenge.  
Where do these patterns come from? People tend to model their behavior on those they respect, enjoy and love.
The people who frustrated or angered you? You often reject their approaches.
Yet far too often you may find yourself falling back into patterns you witnessed over and over again in your youth and were displeased by. 
It’s very useful for you to become aware of your patterns when you are frustrated, angry or sad or feel lonely. You can’t change your patterns if you’re not aware of them.
Now that you’re aware of the power of these three decisions, start looking for role models who are experiencing what you want out of life. I promise you that those who have passionate relationships have a totally different focus and arrive at totally different meanings for the challenges in relationships than people who are constantly bickering or fighting. 
It’s not rocket science. If you become aware of the differences in how people approach these three decisions, you’ll have a pathway to help you create a permanent positive change in any area of life. 
This piece was adapted from Tony Robbins' new book, Money Master the Game: 7 Simple Steps to Financial Freedom.

10 Destructive Habits That Unhappy People Have




It is said that happiness is a state of mind and to a certain extent, that’s true. But I believe that whether we are happy or unhappy is more about the habits we have.
It’s a sad fact, We live in a land filled to the brim with opportunity where anyone can choose to live the life they want.
But they don’t.
Instead we see unhappiness at every corner. From the impatient person standing behind you at the grocery store, to the teller at the bank who looks like she would rather be anywhere else at that moment, to your neighbors across the street, who never look up and say, “Hello.”
The only difference between the person you see happily walking down the street seemingly without a care in the world and the person next to them consumed in misery is the choices they make each and every day.
And of course each choice repeated becomes a habit. Habits dictate everything from our experiences to our outcomes and everything in between.
Below are 10 destructive habits that unhappy people have:
  1. You live to please other people. This is a devastating habit to possess because you choose to live your life trying to make everyone happy and in turn, fail to make yourself happy. One of the best things you can do for yourself is to figure out what really drives you on a deep emotional level and then do it.
  2. You have an overwhelming fear of criticism. From his book, Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill stated that a fear of criticism robs man of his initiative, destroys his power of imagination, limits his individuality, takes away his self-reliance, and does him damage in a hundred other ways. Most people spend their days worrying about what others think about them and will go to great lengths to look good or save face. The ironic part is that those same people are so consumed worrying about what you think of them, that they aren’t actually thinking about.
  3. You engage in negative self-talk. All actions derive from what we tell ourselves on a daily basis. Unhappy people have the habit of telling themselves things like “I don’t know how”, “It’s too hard”, and “I can’t do it”. The key to change is to begin rephrasing these into positive thoughts. It takes practice and you’ll catch yourself being negative many times, but if you want to be a happier person, you have to start making those changes.
  4. You are a glass half empty person. Being a pessimist is the result of negative habits developed over a number of years. This habit is very hard to kick because it becomes so ingrained in your mind, that its second nature. In any situation, your first thought or reaction is a negative one. Becoming an optimist will require you to develop new mental skills and retrain your entire thought process to see opportunity instead of struggle. This can be done gradually by consciously looking at your attitude and choosing to see opportunity instead of difficulty.
  5. You let the past dictate your future. If you happen to have a past riddled with negativity and bad experiences, chances are your personality mirrors this. You can’t change your past and allowing yourself to stay attached to it will only drag you down. Learn to let go of things out of your control and focus on today. What can you accomplish today?
  6. You are sedentary. It’s a fact that people who exercise regularly are happier than those who don’t. Sitting at a desk all day only to follow it with sitting on your couch is not conducive to being happy. Get up, move around, go outside, take the stairs, take a walk, join the gym, ride your bike. The endorphins released during activity play a big role in your mood, so if you’re not active, get active!
  7. You are a worry wart. Worrying is a choice like everything else. Most of you are familiar with the worry wart and many of you probably grew up with one in your household. Worry is such a waste of time yet causes so much unhappiness. Worry is nothing but fear and fear is nothing but a bulls**t excuse not to embrace something. Do not waste another minute of your life worrying about things you have no control over. For example, worrying about your plane crashing is an unjustified fear. Statistics show the likelihood of that happening is smaller than being hit by lightning. In either case, you are sacrificing your ability to relax and be happy for something extraneous and out of your control.
  8. You cannot forgive and forget. Harboring ill feelings towards someone or something is like carrying a 10-pound weight in your pocket. We all have had bad experiences that have left a sour taste in our mouth. Forgiveness is the solution and is an incredibly powerful concept. Maybe you have been wronged or made a terrible decision in your life. Learn from it and move on.
  9. You are a perfectionist. We all know someone who considers themselves a perfectionist. Maybe it’s even you! Trying to pursue perfection in all that you do may sound like a good thing, but taken too far, can be highly detrimental to your emotional health. Perfectionism can lead to a host of mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and chronic unhappiness. Remember that everything can be done better by either you or someone else, but it’s OK if it’s not. Your goal shouldn’t be perfection, but rather improvement and personal growth.
  10. You define yourself by your job. It’s a fact that more than 70% of us don’t like our jobs. In a society where we tend to view ourselves by what we do for a living rather than who we actually are, it’s a fundamental problem and leads to the inability to separate ourselves from our professions.
Happiness is a choice, but we must first choose to adopt good habits and rid ourselves of bad ones. This takes practice and time, especially if you are a lifelong cynic. If you find yourself guilty of any of the preceding habits, take a hard look at the quality of your life.
You just might want to make a change and choose happiness.