Trauma and Unworthiness: How to Work with the Shutdown Response to Trauma

You Are Not Broken Nor Do You Need Fixing, Just More Self Love And Acceptance

Undergoing A Process Of Renewal

You are not broken and don't need fixing.

What you need is self-love and self-acceptance to heal your fractured parts, so they are made whole again.

What you're experiencing is an opportunity to grow which may appear as being broken. In fact, you're shedding your old self to make room for the real you to emerge.

You don't need more articles like this to convince you of your worthiness. Whilst they offer reassurance, they are only a guide because your true essence will emerge when you discard your former self.

Author and speaker Mike Dooley writes: "You do not need fixing or self-help so much as you need self-love and acceptance. When you show yourself unconditional love and compassion, old unhelpful patterns of thought and behaviour naturally begin to fade away."

The heartache, pain and disappointment you experienced served a purpose; to awaken you to your greatest self. Regrettably, many people perceive this as being broken, when it is life leaving the door ajar so as to light the way for your transformation.

"Everything in your life-especially your challenges-is tailor-made to help you see your stories of struggle. Whatever is in the way is the way!" writes Mary O'Malley in: What's in the Way Is the Way: A Practical Guide for Waking Up to Life.

You might think: why do I need to be transformed if I am not broken?

This is so you can experience the completeness of your being, which includes: awakening to your greater potential, giving and receiving love and discovering the essence of your true self.

You were never broken to begin with, but undergoing a process of renewal. Sometimes, it may look as though the pieces have fallen apart because you are yet to see the entire picture. It is akin to looking at the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, oblivious to how it will come together.

You have unrealised potential waiting to emerge. You need only take the next step and trust you are being guided to merge with your greater self.

Be Compassionate With Yourself

Don't be discouraged if life appears chaotic at times. This happens when you shift your attention to the fragmented parts instead of seeing how they will come together to form the whole.

You are comprised of light and dark, for each compliments the other in a sea of duality.

If you focus on the unintegrated parts, you are likely to perceive yourself as broken. Yet, when light and dark merge, they become one like the Yin Yang symbol, representing contrary forces that are complementary and interconnected.

Matt Kahn explains in Whatever Arises, Love That: A Love Revolution That Begins with You: "By loving what arises, you unearth the deepest understanding of the Universe in the most heart-centred way. As your heart opens, you are able to see how every circumstance and detail of life has been created only to help you grow on a spiritual level."

Similarly, it was the French philosopher Pierre Teilhard de Chardin who said: "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience."

You are likely to make mistakes, some of which you will regret. However, I invite you not to dwell upon your regrets but to be compassionate with yourself, so you continue to grow and evolve.

The human spirit seeks to evolve, otherwise you remain stuck and stagnant. This is what many experience around midlife when they lose their identity.

Some people spend a lifetime trying to fix themselves to become perfect to appeal to others. Yet, if they are not received in the manner they expect, they believe there's something wrong with them.

I liken it to scrubbing rust off metal hoping it will reveal the beautiful chrome finish beneath. However, in scrubbing you realise the rust is a natural part of the metal. By embracing it, you come to appreciate it as a unique feature instead of something to be polished away.

"Some of us can accept others right where they are a lot more easily than we can accept ourselves. We feel that compassion is reserved for someone else, and it never occurs to us to feel it for ourselves," states the Buddhist nun Pema Chodron in: When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times.

You are not broken but breaking through your shell to reveal your best self.

By accepting yourself as you are, you let go of the self-hatred and disempowering thoughts that obscure your true essence.

As a writer and speaker, I have noted the same themes come up in my writing and speaking over the past decade. That is: suffering results when you resist what is.

This idea is nothing new but something the Buddha touched on centuries ago. When we let go of resistance and accept the conditions of our life, what remains is peace and harmony.

Mary O'Malley says: "It is important to understand that you turn your pain into suffering when you resist it."

Struggle Precedes Pain And Suffering

Allow me to highlight this idea of releasing resistance through an example that occurred recently.

We experienced a terrible flu season in Australia this year, with many people falling ill, some requiring hospitalisation and sadly several people passed away. My family members and I succumbed to the flu, yet they took longer to recover because they resisted their symptoms.

I, on the other hand surrendered completely and remained in bed for three days without medication. I slept through the entire ordeal and allowed my body to sweat the fever. Within three days, I had regained my strength and was feeling considerably better.

I recall my naturopath saying at the time that illness helps the immune system practice its resistance to bacteria and virus. In doing so, it kills off weaker cells that atrophy and are purged from the body. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

The lesson here is: resistance leads to struggle.

Struggle always precedes pain and suffering.

To allow the energy of life to flow through you, let go of your resistance and accept the conditions of life.

You are not broken, so love yourself exactly as you are, allowing the next chapter of your life to unfold.

Psychotherapist David Richo outlines in The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them: "Our limits on self-acceptance are equal to the limits on our power to activate ourselves. The more we believe in our competence to reconstitute our broken state, the less we feel the fear that keeps us that way. Any event held in both hands combines reality with hope for renewal. That is what handling something means."

Every new encounter is a catalyst for growth. The past is there for a reason and should not be carried into the present moment, because it discolours your present moment experience.

Surrender and trust that life has a plan for you, akin to the natural flow of water which finds its own level. Eventually, your personal growth will guide you to a wonderful place if you follow the current upstream instead of resisting it.

The key is to have faith in the process because the universe will not desert you. Sometimes it may look that way when you're absorbed in pain and suffering. However, this is temporary and will eventually recede.

Allow life to heal your fragmented parts without dwelling on them more than you need to.

When the healing and transformation has occurred, you will have merged into the person that was there all along; your authentic self.

https://ezinearticles.com/?You-Are-Not-Broken-Nor-Do-You-Need-Fixing,-Just-More-Self-Love-And-Acceptance&id=9845266

Abraham Hicks - Asking Yourself This Question Will Make You Feel The Vibration Of Allowing It.

How To React To A Verbal Attack

Everything in your life will change to become positive when you can take every word of apparent criticism as an objective statement of fact without emotion and not feel hurt or attacked.

When you do this, you will not get emotionally distraught. Rather, you will take any comment about your personality and character in the same way as if someone said you are tall, or short, or thin, or you have no hair, or a big nose. Those are statements of fact even though they are that persons relative opinion.

When you make the comments personal, you become emotional and go into a self-destructive imaginary world. Likewise, if you have a lower IQ, no education or limited skills, to have that pointed out is the same as pointing out your height or something about your body.

When you can take everything that objectively, you will never feel hurt again because objective means it is either true or it's not.

If you have a PhD and someone says you are uneducated, you cannot be insulted because you take it as an objective statement which is totally false. So there is no emotional value.

By the same principle, if you are uneducated and lived your life in a little remote village, and someone says you are uneducated and know nothing about the world, that is also true, it's simply a statement of fact and has nothing to do with your worthiness as a person.

When it does become personal, is when someone says they do not like you because you are uneducated or unskilled. Now it is an attack against you personally, and frankly if someone dislikes you for how tall or short you are, or how well you are educated, then they are not really worth being your friend anyway.

Even when it is an attack against your personality or you personally, rather than something physical and objective, you can still remain balanced and not get emotionally distraught because the statement becomes irrelevant due to the person making the statement being a shallow idiot who is unworthy of respect.

When you react emotionally to someone, that means you respect them. So if you respect them, then take what they say objectively and do something about it instead of just crying and wallowing in self-pity.

Take full responsibility for everything, including your emotions. If it's true, then do something about it. If it's not true, then just ignore the arrogant idiot who does not know the truth and thinks he does.

https://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-React-To-A-Verbal-Attack&id=9728667

7 Ways To Boost Your Self-Esteem Fast

Not everyone is self-confident, self-trusting or self-loving.

One of the major reasons is because they have not fully developed or nurtured their self-esteem.

Today, let me give you 7 easy tips on how you can boost your self-esteem fast!

Tip #1 Understand What Self-Esteem Is

Self-esteem is nothing more than having a clear understanding of your own strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes and being able to move your life forward with this level of self-knowledge.

It's about accepting your flaws and loving yourself anyway.

It's about focusing on things you can control, instead of things outside your influence.

It's about living in the present and being hopeful for the future, instead of dwelling on the past that cannot be undone.

Tip #2 The Major Cause of Poor Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem occurs when you attach too much of your personal value to the external materialistic things like money, fame, status, cars, mansions etc.

These things are nice to have, but never measure your own self of worthiness against these kinds of Hollywood-portrayed lifestyle.

Other things like health, skills, interpersonal relationships, life experiences, love and passion are also crucial to your well-being.

Tip #3 Remind Yourself What You're Already Good At

You're likely to already have 5, 10 or 20 years of solid experience where you've learnt some major life lessons.

Take 10-15 minutes to write down everything you know how to do. Do not judge whatever you write.

It can be things like playing piano, climbing trees, fishing, playing as the basketball captain in high school, repairing the toilet well etc.

It might sound silly, but remind yourself of the instructions, the stories and the lessons that had strengthened you as a human being.

Tip #4 Daily Night Journaling

Every night before you sleep, you should take just 5 minutes to write down the Top 3-5 Wins of the day.

You need to develop a habit of reminding yourself the mini achievements so that you know you're making progress every day.

Tip #5 Plan Your Tomorrow The Night Before

At the same time, you should plan your next day while doing your night-journaling.

List out your Big 3 things you must dominate in order to make your tomorrow awesome, so that you wake up automatically productive and know exactly what to execute on.

Tip #6 Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

Never compare your hard, boring, tough back stage of work with other people's glamorous, successful, enjoyable front stage of victory.

It's plainly unfair to both of you.

You don't know the complete story of rags-to-riches. You didn't witness the excruciating times of theirs. You had no idea how much they had gone through.

What you see is just a snapshot of their peak winning moment. Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat are creating a false image of ideal reality that does not exist.

Stop comparing and start focusing on making consistent daily improvements of your own life.

Tip #7 Be Grateful

No matter what happens, understand that everything happens for a reason and it serves you.

Your life is exactly where you should be. Trust the process and trust that the dots will somehow connect in the future.

Sit down, close your eyes, and remind yourself what 5 things you STILL have in life that you're grateful for.

Smile at them and keep going.

http://ezinearticles.com/?7-Ways-To-Boost-Your-Self-Esteem-Fast&id=9516505

Have a Mind of Your Own

It takes consistent personal effort and that moment of lining up with that decision to eliminate things, tasks, people, that consume and drain you to no-end. Or else, there isn't really much change to your current pattern of thoughts and the way you carry yourself in your day-to-day life. You're always tired and emotionally drained and a chore to be with, always dumping your problems and issues onto other people. Or vice-versa, having people do that to you.

What goes around, comes around. That's what a vicious cycle is. You get back the exact same thing you put out there for others. That - is the balance of nature. It circles right back to you. You are still giving away what you don't have, I call it having your emotions "in deficit".

Whether you harbor a great insecurity and fear for aging, for your weight, your finances, your relationships, any single one of that (individually) is considered being emotionally tied down, as trivial as it may seem. As long as you carry stress and negative habit of thoughts about any single aspect of your life, you are not completely "free". If it pops up in your head constantly and lingers around, you are not free. Most people just grow accustomed to all these negative feelings over a period that it eventually feels "normal" to have it stick around in their life experience.

When was the last time you said or heard, "someone said the other day... someone told me last week... I heard from someone... " over your conversations? If that "someone" isn't YOU, keep it to yourself and don't pass it on to anyone. Even if that someone is your mother. Especially if it is your mother. If you've never tasted it, tried it, felt it your-self, don't tell someone what "someone else" said. That's like trying to feed a per-son food that your own pet dog wouldn't even steal a sniff. If you haven't even tasted it, don't offer it to someone else.

Don't blindly believe everything you see and hear without experiencing it for yourself to see that it truly serves you well too, and don't doubt anything you've never seen or heard before, at first chance without trying and simply write it off without thinking twice. In short, have a mind of your own. A strong and sturdy one that will tide you through the harshest of conditions. Making the shift (learning how to) to make the decision to follow your own heart (& own mind) lays the foundation to customize yourself a belief system that serves YOU well. Permanently.

Self-love & worthiness is validated not by the compliments people pay you, but from your own acceptance to love and honor yourself completely. Each time you feel the need to hear a praise to feel good about yourself, you shoot yourself in the foot and when you constantly need someone's approval to appreciate your very own self, you will never ever feel free for the rest of your life.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Have-a-Mind-of-Your-Own&id=9493756

7 Destructive Needs Keeping You From True Happiness

We all have needs: We need food. We need shelter. We need to feel loved.

But many of us walk around with needs that don’t serve us — needs that negatively influence our thoughts, words, and actions. Unlike food and shelter, these are not true needs. These fake needs make life more difficult, and they distract us from the good things we already have.

They're like road bumps hindering us from experiencing the smooth ride we desire and, unless removed, they’ll completely jolt our respective journeys. It’s time to drop the following seven needs and see them for what they really are: illusions.

Perfectionism doesn’t protect us from the world — it keeps us from finding our place in it.

1. The need to prove your worthiness

A dog doesn’t question whether it deserves a walk, a nap, or some cuddle time. It just knows it’s worthy. Unfortunately, many of us have falsely learned that our sense of worth is connected to our success. So, to demonstrate our worthiness to ourselves and others, we might try to prove it with a career or a relationship.

But your worthiness doesn't come with terms and conditions. It isn’t determined by your monthly income, relationship status, or number of Facebook friends. Free yourself from unnecessary suffering by recognizing your own inherent self-worth. In those moments when you feel unworthy, separate yourself from that nagging voice inside your head and remember that it's not you talking. Calm it by saying, “Thanks for watching out for me, but you don’t need to worry. Everything’s all right.”

2. The need to fit in

We all have a desire to fit in and belong. We bend to conform because nobody likes to be the odd one out, right? But … we’re not all the same. We don’t have the same set of skills, talents, and interests, and that’s a good thing.

Dare to be the misfit, the rebel, or the weird one. Go ahead and wear those leopard pants, admits that you’re a spiritual fanatic, and post that lovey-dovey message on Facebook if you feel like it. Happiness is a natural side effect when one chooses to embrace his or her true self.

3. The need to put others first

There's a reason we're instructed to put those airplane oxygen masks on ourselves before helping those around us. We can’t give what we don’t have.

Tend to your own needs, wants, and desires, and then, when you’re filled up, pass that care on to others. Next time you’re urged to tend to someone else, practice giving yourself at least 60 seconds first. Breathe, read an inspirational quote, or do something else that lifts your spirit.

4. The need to be perfect

Perfectionism doesn’t protect us from the world — it keeps us from finding our place in it. No one is perfect. Instead of trying to be something you’re not, embrace every aspect of that imperfect you.

Silence your inner perfectionist by taking small risks you normally wouldn’t: Hand in something that’s 90 percent finished and ask for input, pose that question you think sounds stupid, or admit that you don’t have all the answers.

Don’t work hard — work smart.

5. The need to complain

We tend to whine and complain about the aspects of our life that aren't going as planned, but grumbling doesn't change anything — it just keeps us stuck.

Whether you’re unhappy with your finances, your relationship, or your self-esteem, you can either accept what is or take action to fix it. If you desire change, remember that it often starts with small steps. These steps may involve making a simple budget, planning a date night, or listing three things you love about yourself before going to bed. Just remember that no step is too small.

6. The need to work hard

My mind used to tell me that I was lazy and useless if I wasn't working hard. But ironically, once I stopped forcing myself into action, I started to perform much better. I was suddenly pulled by inspiration instead of pushed by pressure.

It's important to take breaks, ask for help, and give yourself time to recharge. Don’t work hard — work smart. Allow for a constant flow of inspiration to strike you by reading as much as you write, learning as much as you teach, and listening as much as you speak.

7. The need to be in control

Trying to maintain influence over things outside our control isn’t only exhausting — it’s impossible. While we might think we can shape other people, events and circumstances, we often can't. Trying to do so usually just leaves us feeling disappointed and frustrated.

Rather than working to make things happen, simply allow them to happen. Surrender to what is and focus your attention on the present moment. Hold your tongue when you feel the urge to control someone or something. Distract yourself, meditate, or take deep breaths until you’re grounded, and then take action from a calm and rational place.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-22633/7-destructive-needs-keeping-you-from-true-happiness.html