Effective Personal Relationship Motivation Advice

For a number of reasons I've been thinking about motivation quite a lot recently. As noted and explained within many journals before, human scientists have studied three particular motivators in greater detail than any others. These are the motivation for power, achievement, and affiliation.

Individuals motivated by power want to direct and influence others. Individuals motivated by achievement want to accomplish tasks, to get things done, to achieve. Finally, individuals motivated by affiliation want to be part of a group, they want to be liked and respected.

In some previous articles, other authors wrote about noticing the motivational pattern of a partner or potential partner. Experience tells us that dramatic differences in motivational patterns causes friction and too much friction leads to a relationship ending. In other words, someone motivated by power may be a good match only if you have similar motivation or are comfortable with being directed.

Looking at personal motivation a little closer reveals that the need for affiliation has two sub-components and one of them predicts successful adjustment over time.

The sub-components of affiliation are 1) fear of rejection and 2) seeking intimacy. It turns out that some people wanted to be liked by avoiding conflict and dissension, because they are afraid of rejection. Others want to be liked because they are seeking intimacy. So, the need for affiliation is a mixture of a need for acceptance by others (not to be thrown out of the group) and a need for intimacy.

Numerous studies have also shown that the need for intimacy is a better predictor of successful adjustment (satisfaction, happiness, etc.) over time, than the overall need for affiliation (fear of rejection) or the need for power.

Now how can you possibly tell if someone is avoiding rejection or seeking intimacy? This seems pretty easy because those seeking intimacy tend to:

a) Feel highly connected with others even when separated

b) View interpersonal relationships as a source of positive feelings and seek relationships for the feelings alone (not for wanting to get something done together, or wanting to have a successful relationship, or to avoid being alone, or to increase status),

c) Are able to accept others as they are.

d) Feel an overwhelming sense of commitment and concern for others that is not motivated by obligation or guilt, and

e) Feel in harmony and at peace with others

Furthermore, individuals who are motivated to seek personal intimacy are viewed by others as natural and not straining to be intimate, warm, sincere, honest, appreciative, and loving. They are also not seen as dominant and self-centered.

Perhaps needless to say, people who seek intimacy make better partners than those motivated by power, achievement, or not being rejected. Look for the characteristics of an intimacy seeker in a partner or potential partner and you certainly cannot go wrong.

Finally, a person's capacity for intimacy is highly evident in the quality of all of his or her relationships. It is more a matter of attitude than technique. In addition and especially when this affinity for personal intimacy is inherent, an observer will be easily attracted to this type of human being.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Effective-Personal-Relationship-Motivation-Advice&id=9436630

Renewing Your Character Daily

If we were born selfless and centered, strong and virtuous character would be perfectly natural for us. We wouldn't have to think about it at all. But we were born just the opposite - selfish and self-centered. Strength and virtue will have to be acquired and developed over time and tribulation. The more stubborn and lazy we are the longer it takes, and the more we suffer guilt, regret and injured or failed relationships. The laziness refers to an aspect of human nature that's loathe to do the maintenance part of the work. Everyone "wants" to build character and integrity but few want to do the required maintenance.

Doing something that's against your ego or self-centered nature requires diligent attention. You can't just do it once and forget it. That's because your self-centeredness is still operating. And until that's overcome, you have to remain in maintenance mode indefinitely. It's like an alcoholic who can't heal his disease or change his genetic makeup - but he can stop drinking!

How frequently must this "renewal maintenance" be practiced? Every New Year? We all know that doesn't work. How about every new month - perhaps to coincide with the full moon? No. The full moon has too mystical a connotation. You may be a little eccentric but you're not loony! How about at the beginning of every new week? No. That's too infrequent to work. But at least we have the new part right.

How about starting your life anew every new day? Now thats doable - and most effective. A new day is always so full of promise and anticipation. Wipe the slate clean daily. Start fresh with the rising of each new sun. Yesterday is in the history books. Recreate or reinvent yourself every day in the image of your ideal.

Made a mistake? Said or did the wrong thing or in the wrong way or at the wrong time? No problem. Think nothing of it. Tomorrow you can correct it and it's like it never happened. That's the magic of living one day at a time. If the person you offended continues judgment against you beyond the day, that's his or her failing. Not yours. You move on to do the next right thing in the next present moment, while the "offended" person remains indefinitely stuck in his misery.

All you have to do is be aware of the error in the present moment. Once you clearly recognize the flaw or shortcoming in what you think, say or do, it's much easier to not do it again. Mistakes are not the problem, but repeating them due to lack of detached awareness is the problem, is the sin. Simply notice your denial when you're in denial. Notice your procrastination while procrastinating, your complacency, your fear, insecurity, resentment, anger, impatience, and so on - while you're in that mode.

Asking is key to getting. The first thing you do each morning is get on your knees - literally or figuratively, and ask your higher self or higher power - which is located in the subconscious part of your mind, to remove that particular defect of character by name. And depending on your degree of sincerity, humility and gratitude - it will and must do so. It's amazing! Remember that a person of character and integrity doesn't do what he wants to do; he does what he has to do. And daily renewal is what you have to do!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Renewing-Your-Character-Daily&id=9447741

Please Excuse My Self Confidence

If I could describe the notion of self confidence in one sentence, I would say:

Self confidence is the greatest tool you can ever utilize.

I work in a very dog-eat-dog industry; someone will always have a better idea than yours and there will always be someone out to get you and shut you down. The key to surviving this is by having a very high self confidence, which is why most advertisement professionals, filmmakers, writers, artists and creatives are so adamant about their beliefs. Trust me, we don't want to come off as douchebags, but sometimes it is the only way to make it through a cut throat world.

However, I discovered the importance of this characteristic way before I entered the working world. I'm not sure exactly when, but I must have been about 16 or so - past my awkward and not so pretty pubescent phase.

Don't get me wrong; I am still as awkward as they come. The only difference now is that I flaunt it. I may continue to say weird things or act in odd ways, but I do it with a 'if you don't like it then deal with it' attitude.

Now, let's not confuse self confidence with having an oversized ego. The two are very different.

Firstly, our egos are the identities we construct; it is a combination of the beliefs we have of our talents, abilities, personality and looks. These notions are always false. It is a very active part of who we are and what we do and plays a big role in creating emotional drama in our everyday lives.

Have you ever caught yourself saying "Nobody likes me", "The mole on my chin is so ugly" or "I am so smart"? The I's and the me's are our egos talking.

Secondly, having a very active or a large ego has negative consequences more often than not; a person may become more self, self centered and self indulged as they seek constant recognition and validation of their notions. I knew nobody liked me because my friend didn't text me back. I knew my mole was hideous because the cute guy completely ignored me.

Self confidence, on the other hand, is an assessment of our self-worth; are we of any value to ourselves and those around us? It does not rely on other peoples judgements or our interactions with them; instead, it comes from a place deep within ourselves.

Deepak Chopra, one of the century's most influential people, beautifully described the idea of self confidence. He said that "... true self esteem is based on direct experiences of your core consciousness, your higher self, which lies beyond your ego... It cannot feel embarrassed, resentful, humiliated, or proud. The esteem of the higher self is simply a recognition of pure awareness."

There is a very fine line between the two, one that can become blurry at times. The trick is to redirect our focus on ourselves and our own ideas and not what others may think about us. Acknowledge and accept your weaknesses along with your strengths and don't dwell on either, because once you do that your ego comes into play.

I was not always aware of the importance of being confident until I realized what a hurdle being insecure was. I wasn't able to enjoy the simplest things nor did I have the courage to venture out of my comfort zone.

Here I am now, a few tough lessons later, doing things I never imagined doing and being comfortable doing them, too. I've come in terms with who I am, my skills, my talents and my flaws, and I strive to improve my ways on a daily basis.

It's not as scary or difficult as it sounds. In fact, it is totally worth it. The benefits have cultivated into my relationships, my career and my whole life, really. It has also become the greatest accessory I can ever wear. It has kept the spark alive in my life because I am no longer held back by fear or shame.

But it's a never ending journey; we must strive to accept who we are and improve our ways so that we can reach the ultimate level of self awareness, and ultimately, enlightenment.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Please-Excuse-My-Self-Confidence&id=9314900