Sometimes You've Just Got to Say 'No'

Many people find that it's their automatic default to say 'yes' whenever something is asked of them. They may have learned to respond without even thinking about it, maybe regard others' needs as more important than their own or don't want to cause disappointment, offence or appear 'difficult' by declining.

Saying 'yes' can be a positive trait that opens new doors and experiences. It can be a significant investment in our relationships, but used too often or without due consideration can also lead to overwhelm, frustration and resentment.

Let's look at why sometimes you've just got to say 'no';

- At times it can become apparent that we need to re-define the boundaries of our relationships and remind/reinstate the parameters of what's appropriate and acceptable. Over time we may have ended up doing things out of habit or by default. That's not always the best or most respectful way to live. From now let's decide to be clearer about our roles and check whether the things we accept or agree to are still okay for us. Saying 'no' can be an important part of reclaiming our self-respect.

- Personal time and space is integral to good self-care. Don't underestimate the role of some me-time. Just because you're free and don't have an important task or commitment at the moment means you should feel guilty or allow others to encroach on that time. If you had an appointment with an important client it's hard to imagine that you'd let something distract you from honouring it. So, put yourself in your diary and say 'no' to cancelling, unless a real emergency crops up. Commit to regular time for yourself.

- Sometimes saying 'no' can be a way of letting others know how much you do, what else you've got on, that you're too busy to take on any more. They perhaps don't appreciate the extent of your responsibilities and commitments, how time-consuming they are and may well back off once you've explained firmly and politely. If you always say 'yes' they may think you don't mind, are happy to be the 'go to guy'. And it may be that it's only upon reflection, that you start to appreciate how much you actually do, automatically, without a second thought.

- Don't forget too that boredom is often underrated. We may feel obligated to fill every moment with meaningful activity, with chores, catching up with people, self-improvement. There's often a list of things we could/should/ought to be doing, but doing nothing is fine occasionally. It lets our minds and bodies calm down and be still. It teaches us about the importance of silence and inactivity, about switching off our 'I'm ready, bring it on' adrenalin. Children often learn a lot when they're bored. All too often they have technology, films and adults desperate to provide constant stimulus and amusement, but children, when left to their own devices, are often ingenious at using their imaginations and amusing themselves. That skill needs to be encouraged.

- Find acceptable ways of saying 'no', that you're comfortable with. Anger and outrage can flare if we feel we're under pressure to do more, always say 'yes', but that extreme reaction is often unnecessary. Saying, 'it's not a good time for me', or 'I'm busy, already doing x and y' may be enough to placate the situation, inform others of things you're already doing and encourage them to respect you and your time more.

- Then there are those of us who say 'yes' so frequently to invitations that we forget which concerts, events, parties we've actually been to! Saying 'yes' too often can turn special moments into a half-remembered blur. A bit like testing too many perfumes, we become numb and unable to fully appreciate each experience.

Saying 'yes' is important. It gets us out of our comfort zone, keeps us alert and receptive to new experiences and opportunities. And often when we say 'yes' and commit to seemingly impossible opportunities or agree to things we don't want to do, we can be pleasantly surprised at how well they turn out. But equally, we need to be ready to say 'no' if we feel overloaded, trapped, taken for granted or not properly equipped to do a good job. Used well, both yes and no can serve positive roles in our lives.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Sometimes-Youve-Just-Got-to-Say-No&id=10209451

The Addictive Personality Part Three

Deep down inside people with addictions know that what they are doing is wrong. They know that their behaviors, choices, and actions are hurting them and their loved ones. But the need to feed their addiction supersedes everything else in their life.

To perpetuate their addiction they must deny that the substance, compulsion, or habit has anything to do with what is going wrong around them. That is why they become very defensive when confronted with their behavior. There are a variety of defense mechanisms used by those with active addictions.

Denial

Denial is a defense mechanism in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true. The ability to deny that he or she has such a strong emotional attachment to his or her addiction of choice is largely what enables an addict to continue the addiction despite overwhelming evidence. The more severe the problem, the more denial there usually is.

Repression

Repression is the conscious mechanism those with addictions use to completely tune out the fact that they have a problem. They simply stop acknowledging the addiction to themselves and others.

Minimizing

With minimizing, those with addictions will acknowledge that something is wrong but not want to make a big deal out of it. When confronted by others they rationalize that others are placing too much emphasis on the problem; that it's not nearly as bad as others are making it out to be.

Toxic Shame

Toxic shame is used by those with addictions to avoid taking responsibility for their problem. They see themselves as flawed and never measuring up; like their whole life has been a mistake. They believe they are victims of their past. Because they feel defective, they seek something that will make them feel better, but it is a hole they can never fill.

Blaming and Shifting Blame

Blaming is similar to toxic shame in that those with addictions avoid taking responsibility for the problem. They may accept some of the responsibility for their problem but believe that others are more to blame for it. They may act like victims, shifting the blame for their addiction onto the situation they are in or the people they are with. They don't look at how they contribute to the problem. This gives them a sense of entitlement to use their substance since they are not to blame for doing it.

Rationalizing

Rationalization is used to explain away the consequences of their addictive behavior or choices. They rationalize that whatever happened would have happened regardless of their addiction. For example: The factors that led to the car accident would have caused it to happen whether he or she was intoxicated or not.

Deflection

When confronted about their addiction addicts may use deflection to take the focus off of themselves. They do this by bringing up the other person's shortcomings, similar activities that the person may partake in, or behavior the person may have exhibited in the past. For example, alcoholics might remind people that they have no room to criticize their drinking because they drink too.

Normalizing

Wanting to feel normal, since they feel so shameful for their behavior, they surround themselves with others who abuse the same substance and have the same level of addiction.

Grandiosity

Most people with addictions suffer from low-self-esteem. Aware and shameful that they are messing up their lives, they use "Grandiosity," the unrealistic inflation of their sense of self, as a defense mechanism to hide their feelings of vulnerability and low of self-worth. They may have low self-esteem yet still believe they are better than other people.

Compartmentalizing

By compartmentalizing their addiction they are able to display the behaviors expected of them for windows of time. This fools them and others into thinking that they have control over their lives.

Controlling

Those with addictions try to control everything and everyone around them, believing it will get them what they want. When others don't cooperate they become even more controlling. It is delusional; they believe that what they are doing is going to work even though it rarely does.

Undoing

People with addictions will demonstrate destructive behavior and then try to "undo" it by apologizing, offering gifts, or promising that they'll never do it again. They do this to distract others from the real problem; from the fact that they have an addiction.

If you recognize signs of an addictive personality in yourself there are steps you can take to prevent it from spiraling out of control.

1. You must admit that there is a problem. Take responsibility for your thoughts and actions. Be honest and objective in your assessment of it. Surround yourself with a good support system.
2. Learn to face your feelings whether good or bad. Don't put them on the back burner, stuff them inside, ignore them, or medicate them. Allow yourself to experience whatever emotions come up.
3. Arm yourself with knowledge; research your problem so you will not have to fear it.
4. If you can discontinue the addictive behavior without needing medical intervention, begin weaning yourself off of it. Cigarette smoking and overeating both fall into this category. If you are addicted to a substance such as drugs or alcohol, get professional help immediately. You cannot stop these habits without medical supervision.
5. Join a support group with people who share your particular addiction. It helps to know that you are not the only one dealing with it. If you would like to try attending a twelve-step meeting, find out where and when they meet in your area. There are 12-step support groups for every kind of addiction imaginable. To find one search "List of Twelve Step Programs."

Be kind to yourself. Replace negative or destructive behaviors with positive ones. Set goals and reward yourself for reaching them. Find healthy ways to be happy whatever they may be. Take a class in a hobby or something that interests you. Surround yourself with positive people; weed toxic people out of your life. Learn how to reduce stress in your life in ways that are beneficial to your overall well-being. Learn how to meditate. Take long relaxing baths. Take a yoga class or learn how to practice it on your own. Take walks. Go to the gym.

If you want to head in the right direction, all you have to do is keep walking forward.

Learn the steps you can take to prevent your addiction from spiraling out of control.

https://ezinearticles.com/?The-Addictive-Personality-Part-Three&id=10040078

The Addictive Personality, Part One

How do you envision someone with an addictive personality? Do you picture an alcoholic, someone strung out on drugs, a chain smoker, or a gambler down on his luck?

Addictive behaviors are commonly thought of as behaviors that impair a person's ability to function. Often they do but not all addictive behaviors have that effect. Some addictive behaviors do not negatively influence or impact the person's life.

Many people are unaware that they even have the tendency because their behavior doesn't fit the image they have in their mind of those who do. Someone with an addictive personality can turn a positive activity, such as exercising, into an obsession. As one mental health expert put it, healthy people plan exercise around their life. Addicts plan their life around exercise.

Those with addictive personalities have urges other people don't have that can impede their ability to make good decisions. They have the tendency to do things that are fine in moderation, things that those without addictive personalities do with no problem, and become addicted to them. They are prone to becoming dependent on substances, activities, and other people-just about anything. And they are especially at high at risk of becoming addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling, food, pornography, exercise, work, and codependency.

It is theorized that 15% of American people have a predisposition to addiction. Doctors and clinicians still debate whether or not the addictive personality exists. The National Institute on Drug Abuse calls it a brain disease. Though addictive personality has not been classified as a personality disorder by the American Psychological Association, there are common traits that those with the tendency have-certain characteristics that make them more susceptible to physical or psychological dependencies that may negatively impact their quality of life. Not everyone demonstrating these characteristic will develop an addiction.

A common characteristic of the addictive personality is poor stress management skills. Without the benefit of healthy coping skills they are prone to using substances, activities, or other people as a way to manage their emotional discomfort and alleviate stress. They have the tendency to self-medicate, believing they are only using it symptomatically, but in fact are using it as a way to cope with life. Some have social anxiety or have trouble letting their guard down. Substances help them let go and have fun.

Many with addictive personalities suffer from insecurity or are excessive approval seekers. They may use substances such as drugs and alcohol to provide a temporary sense of worth, a pseudo-identity. Though they are aware that the sense of worth achieved that way is false, they like the way it feels and crave it more and more. They may turn to addictive substances in order to deal with insecurity, or they may ultimately feel powerless to stop an addiction once it starts.

Another marker of the addictive personality is the lack of ability to get in touch with feelings. The feelings are there but they may be too painful to look at. Feeling makes them feel vulnerable and out of control. This causes someone to focus outward, searching for anything that makes them feel good inside and comforts them.

Those with addictive personalities often have the need for instant gratification. They crave the quick, powerful feeling that makes them feel good in ways nothing else can. The euphoric feeling is short-lived so they are constantly seeking more. This sometimes occurs with those who have obsessive or compulsive personalities, and those who are perfectionists.

The inability to form emotional attachments with other people is another characteristic of those with addictive personalities. Many of these people are unable to make relationship commitments. Some alienate themselves from others believing that trusting relationships are unattainable. Some have brief, superficial relationships filled with emotional turmoil, and often with those who also have addictive personalities or are abusive. Substances such as drugs or alcohol become substitutes for the bond they lack with others.

https://ezinearticles.com/?The-Addictive-Personality,-Part-One&id=10040063

How The Mind/Body Connection Works To Prevent Stress

Are you stressfully caught up in the world or wisely above it all? Stress indicates a lack of understanding of how your mind works. It indicates an incorrect relationship with whatever you're thinking, feeling, sensing or doing. -- All the faculties of your unique personality. The problem is that everyone else in the world is just as unique as you, and sometimes your uniqueness clashes or conflicts with theirs! What to do?

Well you could simply kill anyone who disagrees with you -- but we've learned from Forensic Files that it's not that simple. Short of murder, there are many ways to resolve conflict but most are short lived because they deal with the stress symptom rather than the cause. Medicine and psychiatry are of little help. If a pill or surgery doesn't fix it -- they are lost. You're going to have to do it yourself -- and it's an inside job.

Here's the knowledge and method: The first and last thing to understand about stress is that it's caused by your taking life personally! You're erroneously experiencing life from a personally-biased perspective instead of a neutral one. Your uniqueness can make you a very interesting personality -- but you are more than just a personality. That's just the "body" part of you.

You also have a "mind" part. The mind part is your aware or "spiritual" part. The part that's aware and in control of what your personality is thinking, feeling, sensing and doing while it's doing them. --Two separate and distinct entities working together as one. And here's the key: To the degree those two entities are kept separate from each other, stress is not possible!

Here's how the relationship works when it's working correctly: Your body self is personal; your aware self is impersonal. Your aware self relates to your personal self as if the personal self were totally separate from the world. Your aware self is as if totally oblivious to the fact that you're in the world at all.

Your aware self treats mental, emotional, sensual and physical activity as if they were totally autonomous. It treats them solely in and of themselves - without any external or further context at all. Thoughts are just thoughts. Feelings are just feelings. Sensations, just sensations. Movement, just movement.

There are no whys or wherefores. No reasoning, evaluation, opinion or commentary at all. No "personal" considerations whatsoever. The awareness knows things simply and exactly as they are! Period. The method and mindset, then, is to simply keep a mirror-like distance from all you see, hear, think, feel and do -- all the time, to the best of your ability. It's amazing!

https://ezinearticles.com/?How-The-Mind/Body-Connection-Works-To-Prevent-Stress&id=9649212

Without Ego

When reading philosophical teachings and writings, I often wonder why the body and the ego are seen so negatively, as if they somehow are antithetical to spirituality. Although ego, body and mind are not all we are, each is part, an expression of the whole self, included in our precious gifts from God, the Universe, Life, Spirit. It would be as sensible to hate or degrade a mathematical problem given me by a teacher for learning purposes. Of course I can be frustrated in my efforts to solve a difficult problem; that is merely an expression of myeagerness to achieve. How much easier on me, however, to enjoy the puzzle, to marvel at my reasoning processes and their growth and development as I draw nearer, bit by bit, to the solution. Even so, frustrated or not, I learn.

There are those of us who love school, and those who hate it. Nevertheless, we are all in school. And the ego, the mind and the body are our major learning tools. Through them, we learn the concepts of attachment/detachment, freedom/responsibility, joy/pain, wisdom/ignorance. These concepts, once grasped and mastered, are our prerequisites for the next level of learning in which we are (perhaps) freed of body/ego and introduced to new tools.

If I reject my body, my ego, or my so-called negative emotions, I am rejecting myself. If I reject myself, I am rejecting a holy creation and gift. If I reject or denigrate integral parts of my self, then I am split, dysfunctional, not whole, and not comfortable in my body and with my sense of self. How much more joyful it is to regard my life as the finest Montessori School of all time, where the sandbox and mudpuddles offer learning experiences equally as rich and essential as do the books of poetry and lofty philosophy.

Without body:

We couldn't enjoy the many sensory and sensual experiences of this life

We wouldn't learn the invaluable lessons of getting obsessive about those experiences, and learning the self-control they teach us.

We would miss out on learning to love and cherish our brief moments on this planet, the fleeting nature of which is reflected back to us by the body's aging process.

We wouldn't be able to interact on a cellular level with the air, food, minerals, water, and the other beings, literally becoming one with the planet on a daily basis.

We would miss the powerful lessons we're learning right now, that if we pollute our environment, we pollute ourselves - physically, emotionally and spiritually.

We would not have the viceral (gut) experiences of the physical components of our emotion - the hormonally driven ecstasy and agony of emotional joy and pain.

We'd miss out on so much of artistic expression - dance, the musical beat that originally was born of heartbeat, sound, light, color, poetry, theater and all the rest of that exuberance.

Without ego:

We'd have no control over our emotions, and be battered around by them, like a ship in a stormy sea with no rudder.

We wouldn't be able to protect ourselves against others' emotions and feelings, and every little thing others said and did would cut us to the quick.

We wouldn't be able to make plans and follow through to reach goals

We couldn't keep ourselves going in a productive direction when obstacles come along

We'd have no sense of who we are, how we are the same or different from others, and we'd never learn the lessons of shared humanity.

As a psychologist, I seek to help people integrate all the components of ego, body, emotions, mind and spirit until they all work together in a healthy human way. Perfection is not the goal - healthy living is. When your body (with all its human flaws and imperfections) functions well, all its many cells, organs, hormones, fluids, muscles, bones, nerves and sinews cooperate and work together to help you experience and express your life. When your body, mind, spirit, emotions - and yes, your ego -- work together, spirit doesn't have to work against ego, ego doesn't have to work against spirit, and there's no internal fight - no struggle for supremacy, no inner denial or right/wrong battle. Each component does its part, and all work together to help you become the most shining example of who you are. That's what the old gospel song about "this little light of mine" and "inner light" or "inner spirit" means - when all of who we are works together, we are free to be the best of who we were born to be.

When I think of my body with all its billion miracles and exquisitely effective methods of expression both conscious and unconscious; with all its components of which I approve and those for which I have enough self-denial to disapprove - I am suddenly reminded to regard my whole self (body, mind, spirit, emotions, and ego ) with the awe,gratitude, and gentleness I deserve. I know I can count on all my component parts to help me through my lessons for when my body, my ego, or my feelings you insist I focus my attention I cannot deny them.

My Ego has a sharply focused viewpoint; boundless pride; a fine-tuned sensitivity to others' egos; and the ability to keep me focused: on my uniqueness (often auto-interpreted as weirdness); my responsibility to me; and my essential human aloneness. It is a precious, irreplaceable tool. When I can manage to see myself, not as a disparate collection of separate parts, but as an amazing, cohesive design of interconnected, finely designed components working smoothly together, I am filled with awe at the miracle of each one of us, myself included. When I stop trying to resist, resent, overpower, deny or ignore parts of myself, and instead seek to help the whole human package be the best I can be, I find myself as peaceful and joyful as I have ever been.

I sense that when the time cones to exchange my body/ego for new tools, I will feel bereaved. Let me not waste a moment of this opportunity to learn with such companions as I may not know again, my ego, my emotions, and my body!

https://ezinearticles.com/?Without-Ego&id=9863239

Why Healing Your Inner Child, Helps You Discover Your True Self

Unconscious To Our Wounds

I'd like you to take a journey into yourself, as you read this article. Hopefully, in that time, you will gain a glimpse of why healing your inner child is not only essential but important to overcoming our problems as adults. Many people grow up in less than optimal family environments. Even if our childhood was ideal, we are likely to inherit trauma from generations before us. That is why alcoholics face an unfair disadvantage, since they inherit the genes of their alcoholic parents. We all have wounds to confront and the journey of becoming an adult involves retracing our childhood and making peace with our early life. Can you identify with this narrative? Did you grow up in a stable family environment or did you experience any childhood trauma?

The journey of becoming our true selves requires revisiting our childhood wounds and seeing them through the lens of compassion and forgiveness. It involves attending to our vulnerable parts that we have neglected. So why is this important for self-transformation and self-improvement? Many of our problems stem from our early development, according to developmental psychologists. Depending on our attachment style, this will figure dominantly in adulthood, if we haven't healed our inner child. This shows up when we are triggered in relationships and recall past hurts. Because we are unconscious to our wounds, we believe the pain is occurring now.

For example, if you are emotionally triggered and cannot control it, it may be a triggered event instead of a reaction to something taking place now. This sentiment is echoed by author Liz Mullinar in her book Heal For Life: How to Heal Yourself from the Pain of Childhood Trauma where she explains: "Remembering that a majority of all emotion comes from childhood, it is a really good idea to check whenever you are angry if it is about what is happening right now or is it reminding you of someone or something from your childhood." For instance, I had a strained relationship with my father growing up, owing to his stern disciplining. As an adult, I experienced anger I couldn't control and traced it back to my childhood. However, I ignored it until it affected my relationships.

Release The Negativity And Hurt From The Past

Have you experienced something similar whether it was anger, anxiety, shame or guilt? Often, we will carry the programming of our parents or caregivers into adulthood, if we haven't healed these aspects of ourselves. The trauma we experience in childhood is being triggered in the present moment. Psychologists believe trauma is located in the right hemisphere of the brain, in the unconscious centre. Therefore, to heal and transform our wounds, requires going to the source instead of using logic and reason. In my case, my childhood wounds were associated with fear, which shaped my anger as an adult. It required attending to my fears and transforming my beliefs as a child such as: "I am unsafe" and "It is not safe to be me." These days, my adult self knows I am safe; however, my inner child was still playing the tapes of fear, guilt and shame.

Most of our difficult emotions stem from our childhood. When we experience these emotions, we must notice whether we are being triggered by a childhood experience or something in the present moment. It is beyond this article to explain how to heal and transform our childhood wounds. Moreover, I invite you to work with a trained therapist or counsellor, if you identify with this message. It may be difficult working through our childhood wounds on our own because we are likely to re-traumatise ourselves and remain stuck in our wounds. The key is to take the journey into ourselves, knowing what we experience may be unpleasant, but in doing so, we release the negativity and hurt from the past. By healing our inner child, we discover our true self hidden behind a facade of the wounded self.

This wounded self masquerades as an archetype in the form of: victim, soldier, hero, etc. We will carry these archetypal wounds throughout life without knowing who we really are, since we have identified with our trauma for so long. It becomes our new identity, and healing can be difficult without a shift in awareness. We must learn to become who we really are and not the characters we play. Are you beginning to get a sense that who you are is an intricate web of personas buried within your unconscious mind? It can take a lifetime to discover our true self and we ought to be kind and compassionate with ourselves throughout the healing journey. If this is something you identify with, I recommend journaling and observing your emotions regularly. Note your predominant mood and the situations that affect you. Consider your difficult emotions, as signposts pointing you to heal your inner child. It is once we undertake the journey into our inner child, that we discover the essence of our true self, beneath the concealed self.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Why-Healing-Your-Inner-Child,-Helps-You-Discover-Your-True-Self&id=10296124

You Are A Gift

Each of us is individual, special and different for a reason: You are a gift to the planet.

Anthropology tells us we are different because we survive better that way-the recombining of genes in sexual reproduction makes us a stronger species than cloning would.

However, that doesn't account for the beauty of our differences. Each of us is a special package, a gift to the planet. If you're looking for a reason for your life, look into your gifts. The whole point is to discover what you have to give, and to give it as effectively as possible.

I believe I came into this planet to heal: First, to heal myself and learn to value who I am, then to help heal the planet, one person at a time.

Healing is an art; not just a science or a technology. It's not enough to throw the latest scientific discovery or medical advance at the problem -you have to get into all the messy, bleeding, hurting parts, sort out the problem, and clear the blocks so the healing can begin.

All my experience, personal and professional, verifies that this is the only way it can be done. There are many different paths that can be used to get into the healing mode, and they all lead to the same place-love. Healing only takes place in an atmosphere of love. My clients heal as they learn to love themselves, and demonstrating love to those around you will create a healing atmosphere. But what is love?

Love is a confusing word. We use it to mean obligation: "If you love me you'll... " We use it for dependency: "I love you, I can't live without you." We use it for ownership: "Weíre in love, we belong to each other." We use it for charity: "I do this for you because I love you."

I want to see love freed. I think the world exists on love, and that it is love which binds us together.

Science has not yet understood the mysterious force which holds the tiny particles of the atom together, and thus holds everything in our physical world together. Pretend with me that the binding force is love: If that were true, then weíd each be an expression of love and surrounded by love. The phrase"God is love" would take on new dimensions.

We would be free and able to let our partners be free, because we would not have to do anything to be bonded. And we would not have to prove to ourselves that we love-it would be obvious to all around us. We could let our partners be different without being scared-just as protons and neutrons are different and express themselves differently, yet remain bonded.

So, I talk frequently about love, and as much as possible, walk my talk. I want my life to be about freeing love. I believe love grows out of freedom, that free beings are open to loving and being loved. It is not possible to push or force people into loving. The only thing that works is leaving enough room for love to grow.

The more free people there are, the more love will be freed in the world. I invite you to join me in creating as much non-demanding, non-possessive love as we can in the world.

https://ezinearticles.com/?You-Are-A-Gift&id=10290244

It Could Have Been Me (By Dave Harm)

He who is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her - John 8:7

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? - Matthew 7:3-5

I make some extra money working in the security field at a major transportation hub in the United Kingdom. As such I meet people from all sorts of life. And many of these lives I have lived. I can walk down the road from one location to another and see a dozen homeless people. Holding a cup begging for loose change.

It is hard not to look and see the loss of a will to live. Eyes that are dead. Bodies that are well underweight. Faces that are sunk in. Workers at homeless shelters say it is not wise to give these folks money because it keeps their lifestyle going. If they don't receive any money than they may go to a shelter to get the help they need.

I can't judge these folks. I have been homeless. I was homeless because I lost a job. Why did I lose a job? Because I was a drunk and an addict. When you get to that point it is hard to get away from it. I'm not sure what the answer is but giving them your pennies is not the answer.

In the city of Manchester (England) they have started a charity to raise funds for the homeless. This is a start. If the majority of the money is used for the sheltering, feeding, medical care, and helping these folks become part of society again then it is well worth it. Time will tell.

Another group of people I see a lot. Are women of the night. Prostitutes. Like it or not it is a profession. It is a service. I am on a talking basis with a couple of these ladies. Most of the time, I see them late at night - after their work is done. I see them carrying their backpacks with what I assume is their "work uniforms." They are dressed in plain clothes, jeans and a loose top just wanting to get home. We see each other and say hello and then I wish them a good day, which always rewards me with a smile and a thank you.

It wasn't until just recently I saw one of these ladies on her way to work. She had on her outfit, which left little to the imagination. Just by looking at her and our very light conversations, I believe she isn't an addict or an alcoholic. She is a lady who is trying to earn money. Whether it is right or wrong doesn't matter. She is working, she is earning a living. She isn't stealing from anyone. She is not robbing some store for money.

What I found sad about it was seeing her basically with nothing on. She was all business, as in she didn't try to cover anything up, nor did she break eye contact with me. Without saying a word, she was telling me that she was still the same person that I say hi too. The same person whose chest and ass was exposed for any customer to see, is the same person I chat with who wears jeans and plain trainers.

When I started this job, I was told that I can't be nice with "them" or they will walk all over me. I never really separated them from me. Who are "them"? I can't judge. I have been homeless and there is no doubt in my mind that if I could have made money selling my body I would have done that as well. The only difference between me and these ladies that I have met is that they are doing it to keep a roof over their heads, while I would have done it to feed my addiction.

https://ezinearticles.com/?It-Could-Have-Been-Me&id=9814290

Life Is Like A Game Of Chess

I'm not a chess player but over the years I have watched many of my friends play the game. But I can play checkers - not that it matters. Recently as I was watching a couple of friends play the thought occurred to me that chess is a lot like life - it's uncertainty, it's adventure, it's exhilaration and yes, it's a disappointment. Watching caused me to consider three life areas;

-Why do we make the moves we do?

Every day we all make decisions - some small ones, some insignificant ones and often some major ones. Do we take this move now or wait? Do we let go of this or hold on?

Do we say yes or no to this opportunity? Do I take a new route or play it safe and take the one I always do? Do I share these thoughts or keep them to myself? Hundreds of not thousands of routine choices and decisions every day. Some easy and some more difficult but in the end, we have a choice - do it or don't, make it or don't, try it or don't, say it or don't.

Every choice, action, and decision we make has a consequence - some are potentially positive and some negative, some are short term and some may take a while to come to fruition and often a few can be either a disaster or amazing.

I'm not going to dig into the weeds in this article about the best decision approaches to take as I have written several articles dedicated to this topic - all I want to do with this one is to make sure that you grasp the concept of reality and relationship between what you want, what is and how the relationship between these two approaches ultimately determines the outcomes you end up with.

In chess, every move matters, and yes some can be more crucial than others depending on how your opponent (life) reacts or responds to your moves. We can't control how our opponent chooses to pay their next move, all we can do is try and react as best we can given our options based on their (life's - starting to see the relationship here) previous move.

If their (life's) move puts us in a corner limiting our options, well, do we cave in and just let them (life) win and just quit or do we keep looking for a different or better strategy or approach to try and regain our control of the game and its potential ending?

Life will never stop sending us challenges, opportunities, options, dead ends, problems and chances and for us to - change, grow, improve or mature or to default back to what is comfortable regardless of whether it works or not or improves things or not. Life is relentless and no matter what choices we make or challenges we overcome, there are always others waiting just around the corner to keep us focused on improving vs. settling or quitting.

-In hindsight do we wish we had made different movers?

Regardless of your knowledge, experience, education, and wisdom, you can never know what is waiting in the wings that will cross your path tomorrow whether you are ready or not or how the decisions, choices, and options you have today will turn out tomorrow. I can move my chess piece, but I have no idea how you will respond, I just have to wait and see and them move accordingly.

Trying to outsmart life is stupid - what it wants us to learn to do is make the best moves possible given our resources, faith, courage, and wisdom. Plans are great if you could control life. Knowing is great if things never changed. The future is within your understanding if it always performed according to history and rules. Your life would be easy if you always made the right decisions - the problem is that the right decision or choice made today could in the future turn out to have been a wrong decision in the past and why? It's called "life" folks.

-What do we learn regardless of whether we win or lose?

Learning is an interesting concept when you think about it.

You learn a new skill, hobby or process after spending time evaluating, practicing and repeating the tactics until they are mastered. A question - have you ever learned anything in your life in the past from (parents, schools, seminars, books or just plain experience) that for any reason is not still true or relevant today? If your answer is no - it's for one of two reasons - 1) you have been living in a cabin in the mountains with no human contact of any kind for your entire life or 2) you are the smartest person who has ever lived in the history of humanity.

So, the rest of us are given new learning options every day of our lives and we can choose to embrace these opportunities or resist or reject them. But, one thing life has taught me over the years is that when I refuse to learn a lesson it wants to teach me and it believes I need to learn, it will keep coming back again and again from - a different person, different source or different situation. It will be relentless.

In the end, learning is not the end of anything it is simply the willingness and ability to let go of conventional wisdom, existing attitudes or opinions and skills or approaches that are just no longer working, effective or useful.

Think about it - do you still sell, market, read, cook, travel, garden, communicate exercise etc. today the way you did last week, last year, ten years ago or even fifty years ago? If you are - Checkmate!

https://ezinearticles.com/?Life-Is-Like-A-Game-Of-Chess&id=10079764

A Positive Attitude Is So Important

Our culture of criticism and cynicism in which we live seems to be very destructive to our self-esteem and self-confidence. But what is more, it can cause a lot of us to develop a negative view of ourselves.

The cynicism that we experience is everywhere around us in the political arenas that we inhabit, in our world of competitive marketing and even in our homes because of all the distractedness that we constantly feel as human beings.

Despite our negative culture however, we can cultivate a positive mindset. Here are a few concrete tips to help you out:

1. Trust yourself. Don't keep second-guessing what you are doing all the time. This can be hard to do initially. But you should trust that whatever you're doing is the best you can at this moment.

2. Enjoy every moment of your life. If it is to be enjoyed and cherished, you will be much more positive than if you don't enjoy your life. Your life can be so much fun! It can give you a chance to realms that you normally wouldn't if you allow yourself to be authentic.

3. Try to be as positive as possible when you wake up in the morning. If you are negative, take the time to silence these negative voices inside of you. When start your day, and during the day try to keep those negative statements. Set up a ritual to do so.

4. Know and plan what you will do each day ahead of time, preferably the day before. This will take the guess work out of what you should do and if you are having a bad day, you will be all ready to work.

5. Create a list of long and short-term life goals and follow-through on them as much as possible. We all need to have goals to measure that we are moving forward every day or just going through the same motions every day.

6. Keep that negative voice inside of you at bay as much as possible. If you catch yourself saying negative things, say STOP! You can say that out loud if you are in a private place or say it silently to yourself. Keep saying STOP until you stop saying negative things to yourself over and over.

7. Celebrate your accomplishments no matter how small. This will help you realize your abilities. I will say more about this below.

By taking these steps, you'll become much more positive and this will help you to feel better about yourself. Cultivate a positive mindset. This will remove self-doubt.

By removing self-doubt, you will not only be developing a positive mindset but self-confidence too. This will help you to become a happier and fulfilled person.

https://ezinearticles.com/?A-Positive-Attitude-Is-So-Important&id=9973267

When Things Go Wrong In Life, Don't Follow Your Problems

Don't Go With The Problem

Many people are experiencing difficulties in their lives than ever before, given the Coronavirus pandemic and economic uncertainty surrounding it. Problems are inevitable and hoping they go away is only wishful thinking. Challenges are sewn into the fabric of life and there are two ways to view them. We can see them as serving no point in our life, or conversely, that they contain the seeds of opportunities for our personal growth. How about you? What do you believe is the reason for problems in your life? What is your mindset when things go wrong? Do you stay stuck in your difficulties or do you try to find a solution?

I admit, when problems arise in my life, my initial reaction was one of anxiety and worry. I felt I had little control over the situation and found it difficult to deal with. However, I've come to distance myself from the drama nowadays, instead of overreacting. By distancing ourselves from a situation, we create a space between the problem, so we don't ruminate on it. We must also allow the passage of time to reveal more information about what we're experiencing. When I encounter a major problem, it seems that weeks and months later, it has evolved to something completely differently. I had this conversation with a coaching client recently, who experienced the same negative emotions. I invited her to mentally distance herself from the drama, otherwise she was likely to stay stuck in her negative emotions without finding a solution.

Are you happy with the idea that we needn't bring negative emotions to the table each time life doesn't go according to plan? Sometimes, what appears as a problem can be a stroke of luck, if we withhold our beliefs about it. Our problems are similar to horses tethered to a chariot. Given the opportunity, they will run wild and we're unable to keep them from taking off. Things will always go wrong in life and our task is to overcome it as best we can. The key message here is that when things go wrong, don't go with your problems; focus on the solution. We must become solution orientated instead of allowing problems to pull us into a pit of despair.

Problems Are Nourishment For Your Soul

When difficulties emerge, we are inclined to believe life is unfair. I've met many resilient leaders over the years who don't allow their problems to overwhelm them but seek to understand the lessons contained within them. These people have experienced many challenges throughout their life without getting caught up in the drama. You've heard it said that problems are opportunities for growth, but that means minor comfort when we face challenges bigger than us.

For example, think of a recent challenge you overcame? What lessons did you learn from it? What actions did you take to deal with the problem? If we believe difficulties are bigger than us, we remain helpless and stuck, instead of trying to overcome it. I assure you; the most trying experiences contain a solution and sometimes it requires digging deep within ourselves to find it. We may encounter frustration, anger and disappointment, but don't despair when you experience these emotions. It's means you are toiling away in the trenches to find a way out.

What I'm suggesting is; the more problems you face, the better you become at dealing with them. The bigger the problem, the greater your level of growth. Our personal growth is associated with our self-esteem and character, which are indicative of living intentionally and purposefully. We cannot avoid problems because there is always one waiting on the next corner. The problems that frustrate me most are ones that emerge when I least expect it. But I've learned that the universe will test my resolve to see whether I am growing to deal with the challenges.

So, going back to the problem you experienced recently, what is the lesson you're invited to learn from it? What qualities is the universe trying to develop within you? When we resist an experience, we resist the growth associated with it. It is like receiving a present on your birthday, but refusing to open it. You've no doubt experienced enough birthdays to know that a present is a gift to cherish. And so of our problems. The universe rarely gives us an experience packaged beautifully, with a bow on it. They are clothed in pain, disappointment and difficulties. So, when things go wrong, don't follow your problems and create greater worries for yourself. Instead, see the lessons as a gift and your problems will become nourishment for your soul.

https://ezinearticles.com/?When-Things-Go-Wrong-In-Life,-Dont-Follow-Your-Problems&id=10330399

Why Someone's Opinion Of You Doesn't Determine Who You Are

Everyone Is Painting Their Own Masterpiece

What other people think of you needn't determine who you are because your sense of self shouldn't be affected by their opinion of you. From an impressionable age, we regard the opinions of others because we want to be accepted and fit in. But as we mature and develop self-esteem, it shouldn't matter what others think of us. Let me be clear by saying it is important for our peers to accept us, but we mustn't place our self-esteem in their hands. Acceptance of oneself helps to connect with our core-self and gives us feedback on who we are as individuals. But it needn't dictate our self-worth because who we are is far greater than the opinions of others.

What are your impressions? Do you agree, what others think of you doesn't determine your reality, unless you allow it? Regrettably, many people are influenced by the opinions of those closest to them, such as family, friends and work colleagues. Most notably, family has the greatest influence in our lives and may undermine our self-worth. I know people from diverse cultures where the parents play a significant role in deciding the career path of their children. Whilst their intentions are honourable, it is shameful to the family name if the child doesn't pursue a noble profession such as a doctor, a lawyer. Is this something you can relate to in your family or culture? If so, how did you deal with it and did it impact your self-worth?

Nowadays, everyone has an opinion on how others should live their life, but rarely do these people examine their own lives. In my work as a speaker and coach, I'm yet to come across someone who has all their affairs in order. I mean that in the best way, insofar as our life is a work in progress and we may never reach our full potential. It is why we mustn't judge others because everyone is painting their own masterpiece as best they can. During my early adulthood, I would worry about the opinions of others, which impacted my self-worth and self-confidence. Who they thought I should be was not something I could live up to, and it hurt me trying to be that person.

Eventually, these relationships dissolved because I wasn't willing to minimise my self-worth to appease them. I lived according to my core values, even if it meant making my own mistakes. It was important I find my way, instead of living up to someone's opinion of me. Regrettably, not many people know how you should live your life. They may claim to know what's best for you, but mostly it's an impression of what is good for you. We must walk our own path since that is how we learn and grow as individuals. And yes, it is difficult to see a loved one make unnecessary mistakes, but they might be necessary for their personal evolution.

We Discover Our True Potential In Our Darkest Moments

Our task is not to remove their difficulties but to empower them with support and encouragement to get through it. This can be hard, especially if the individual is addicted to alcohol or experimenting with drugs and we may not want to see them suffer this way. I'm not claiming to have the answers, but I know emotional support is the best way we help people work through their difficulties. How are you feeling about this so far? I'm sure you have lots of questions and opinions on what you've read so far. I encourage you to journal your thoughts and sit with them for a few days, to see what surfaces.

We mustn't allow other people's opinions of us to determine who we are because their opinion is not fact. Naturally, our life path will evolve as we mature, and we will experience many highs and lows where it might seem our life is spinning out of control. But this is part of the journey to discover our authentic self, buried amongst the ruins of failure, dead-ends and despair. It is part of becoming lost and experiencing desperation throughout of our circumstances. I know, because I've been there and know how uncomfortable it is to be an outsider in your own life. However, in the months that followed, I experienced an expansion of consciousness that led to breakthroughs in my life. I experienced new insights about my life during those moments of despair. Sometimes, pain and suffering will force us to evolve, so life can take us where it needs to.

We mustn't resist these moments but lean in to our problems with full conviction. We alone determine our sense of self. It may require going in one direction and hitting bottom ground, so we discover our true potential in those darkest moments. So, whether you are experiencing difficulties and challenges or guiding loved ones through their problems, note where they are leading you. Don't get caught up in the suffering because it is temporary and will eventually recede, as long as you continue in genuine faith. If we believe the opinions of others determine who we are, we are less likely to live an authentic life. Ultimately, the greatest tragedy is to follow in the footsteps of someone whose opinion of us matters little.

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Hope Is In The Air

Addiction has been termed a "soul sickness." Doctors deal with the physical symptoms and ease the turmoil of withdrawal. Some insist the drinker go through it without helpful meds to "teach the alcoholic a lesson."

With alcohol, withdrawal can be fatal and should only be done under medical care. Alcohol cannot erase negative emotions, it suppresses them. When liquor is removed, all those feelings rise to the surface. One drinker described stopping as "slamming the breaks on a car full of emotional baggage."

With one in ten at risk and 88,000 Americans dying each year from "alcohol use disorder," doctors are finally looking at new ways to treat the addict while the government approves new forms of therapies. Trauma, auto accidents and organ failure are claiming so many lives. Relapse rates and multiple trips to rehabilitation clinics show that current methods need to be re-invented.

Ten percent of the population is too many to write off as "morally weak." As an alcoholic who couldn't stop, I didn't want to stay here any longer. I found life harsh and unrelenting. The greed, selfishness and indifference I found in some people took the wind out of my sails. A drinking lifestyle became an irritant to my soul.

New treatment options saved me. Eight years in AA provided some sobriety and a wonderful support system but I was an alcoholic that needed more. MAT-medication assisted therapy-allowed me to overcome the cravings and maintain long-term success.

Carl Jung said "Spiritum Contra Spiritus," which translates to "fight fire with fire." I begged God over and over to remove my desire to drink, all the cravings and any residual feeling of "turning to the bottle" to cope.

Up until recently, the first line of treatment for an addict seeking help was a list of nearby 12-step meetings. Alcoholics Anonymous had the corner on the recovery market because it was the only option offered. Today, some physicians understand the need for unique programs that directly meet the needs of the user.

No one woke up and decided to become addicted. Until the chemical hooks are deeply embedded, most don't know that they are hooked until stopping is attempted. Multiple 'serious' tries to get and remain clean are usually part of every addict's path.

Drugs, alcohol, illness, stress: all distort vision like a bad pair of glasses so one can't "see" what the right thing to do is. New ways are on the horizon and some are just beginning to enter the treatment world. Attitudes are shifting and fewer people damn the addict for self-medicating. Life itself brings the hope to heal.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Hope-Is-In-The-Air&id=9752343

Alternative Medicine and Self Improvement With Technical Resources

Alternative medicine is essentially under the auspices of World Health Organization, and is a preferred treatment modality that supports the healthcare needs of 65% of the world. It is also known as CAM, or Complementary and Alternative medicine. It is based on clinical process similar to mainstream medicine that uses drugs and surgery.

World Health Organization is arranged to several departments concerning preventive medicine, public health, vaccinations to eradicate serious epidemics, and drugless therapies based on ancient traditions, as with acupuncture, tuina, shiatsu, herbalism, massage, aromatherapy, laser therapy, sports massage, neuromuscular massage and related.

The scientific nature, origin and background of each drugless therapy may be differentiated by its boards, regulators, clinical researchers, competency requirements, SOAP and plan of care. Low level laser is used and managed by mainstream practitioners, dermatologists, lymphologists, physical therapists, dentists and related.

Shiatsu, tuina, acupuncture and zen range in industry value from different levels, spas, clinics, yoga centers, hospitals or traditional practitioners. They are all based on sacred scriptures that have been monitored by WHO into practical technical documentation.

The spa industry is relatively recent, but applications based on massage may used the most in aesthetic environments, landscapes and luxurious rituals. These are very inviting but may cost a fortune. In healthcare centers, costs are high and insurance is not available.

The need arises for technical training or self improvement through courses and books. These courses and certificates must be affordable, well recognized in their brand and regulated. They must conform to international guidelines of understanding, of safety, of description, of competency listings, of consultation or checklisting, of monitoring progress, and of comfortable, convenient usage.

Such books for the layman have been relatively simple so far. The Standards boards cost high sums to exhibit their core work and process, at ministry level.

They are compatible with legal systems, technical systems, competency systems, audit systems, learner support systems and so on. The qualifications are understood globally and practitioners worldwide speak with the same understanding.

These processes have been somewhat converted for individuals to update their skills and knowledge quotient. Awareness is always useful. A reader with a severe back pain may prefer to buy his own laser and threat himself, rather than spend a fortune on a single session or a series of them. The reader must know the most suitable laser and technical process for his injury. In case he is not able to find adequate support in a book, he can enroll for a certified course.

With so much handy reading available, readers can change their lives, health and self improvement with compliance to technical process and quality training that is available. Now this brings in Zen for self discovery and internal balance, acupuncture or shiatsu for energy and equilibrium in core health, yoga for physical and spiritual exercise, sports massage and professional quality stretches for muscle balancing or lengthening, and fast recovery in the sports arena. Laser brings in scope for pain management, lymphatic drainage, acupuncture and more.

The Alternative medicine books are presentable with technical support to manage compliance based form filling, check points, after treatment evaluations, and recommendations for progress.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Alternative-Medicine-and-Self-Improvement-With-Technical-Resources&id=9650751

HOW TO BE MAGNETIC AF // Manifest a Specific Person

How To Unlock Your Personality and Be Yourself 100% | Marisa Peer

The Keys To Getting What You Want (By Mark Huddleston)

I would like to let you know what qualifies me to mentor you. My name is Dr. Mark L. Huddleston. I started my exciting journey April 14th, 1998. I experience a quantum shift in paradigms. I went from disbelieving to believing. I went from being a pessimist to an optimist. Instead of seeing the glass half empty, I began to see the glass half full and opportunity all around me. I will never forget that day as long as I live. I remember waking up in a total panic. I remember that I was totally broke. I was bringing home $7,000 a month and my rent on my apartment was only $800 a month. After all my bills were paid I had over $5,000 to myself to spend, so why was I broke?

I had to do some soul searching. I had to try to make sense of what was happening in my life before it was too late. My health was failing me, and my mental state of mind was dwindling also. The only difference between me and millions of people from around the world was that I was facing my demons and trying to make sense out of doing so.

During my soul searching, I recognized that all people were given the number one power ever given to any animal on this planet. That power, is the power to choose. Even if you choose not to choose, you have made a choice to choose.

I found out in a few hours that I had no clue to what I wanted out of life. I also found out that I was supporting a bunch of freeloaders that lived in my apartment complex. I found that I was buying my so-called friends. I also found that I was the one initiating the contact all the time with those so-called friends. The only time they ever seemed to come around was then they wanted something. They never seemed to come around when they had money or anything of value. This was a wake-up call for me. I realized that I did not have any friends at all. Even the members of my family were scum. I recognized that I always initiated the contact with them also.

From that sunny day in April on, I would never be the same person that I presently was. I made a vow with God that I would change and be the best that I could possibly be in anything that I ventured into. From that sunny day in April I swore to become engaged in personal self-development.

I realize on that sunny in April that I lived in the greatest country on the planet and there was no reason why I should be in the predicament that I was in. I knew that there was something holding me back from my purpose on earth.

The first thing I did was to sit down and set some attainable goals. Then I had to come up with a list of things I wanted out of life. I concluded that if I wanted anything out of life I first had to know what I wanted. Not knowing what you want is like starting out on a trip without knowing your destination and what direction to travel in. Your chance of reaching an unknown destination in an unknown direction by driving on an unknown road for an unknown length of time is just plain absurd.

What is needed is you to have a destination in life. This would be your life goal. You need a target to aim at. How can you hit your target if you don't first take aim at it? That's like a blind man entering a skeet shooting contest and expecting to win. The reason why people fail is that they do not know what they truly want. So, they wander aimlessly through life looking for something that never materializes. They go around in circles, chasing their own tail, only to come back to where they first started. They think they're going up, when they're really sinking down.

So, the first thing you want to do is, find out what you want to do and make a plan to accomplish it. What is your end-game? Are you looking for happiness? Are you looking for love? Are you wanting to be successful? Do you want to be wealthy? What is it that you want? Just know, that you can have anything you desire, but you first have to know what you want before you can obtain it.

I found out that getting what you want in life can be as simple as making the right choices. You must decide what, when, and how you will go about getting what you want. Consciously or subconsciously, your mind is continuously confronted by the necessity of making choices. You must decide if you will do something or not. There is no such thing as not deciding. Even if you choose not to choose, you have made a choice. Choosing to do nothing is a choice which may well determine whether or not you get what you want, just ask anyone that has dropped out of school!

Always know that you cannot avoid the necessity of constantly making choices. If you try to avoid or delay making a choice, you are choosing to do nothing and that is a choice which can affect your life as much, or perhaps more, than deciding to do something. If you do nothing you are guaranteed to be nothing. If you do something, you are guaranteeing yourself the possibility of getting what you want. You must choose which action to take, which group to join, which cause to advocate, which job to take, which city to live in, and which life style you choose to live.

This article cannot make these decisions for you because these choices will have to be your own personal choices to make. This article gives you the knowledge to make you aware of your choices you make and the consequences that come along with the choices you make.

The last key to getting what you want would be self-development. You need to learn how to get what you want. If you don't know how to get what you want, you will never obtain it. I began to pick up every book I could get my hands on that interest me. I wanted more out of life, so I began to absorb anything and everything that I came in contact with.

I began getting mentored by some of the greatest minds in the world today. People like, Brian Tracy, Tony Robbins, Zig Ziglar, Les Brown, Jim Rohn, Robert Kiyosaki, Steven Covey, and Jack Canfield, just to name a few. Can you imagine being mentored by people like this? If you seek, you will find. Just know, when the student shows up, the teacher will appear.

I learned what the law of attraction can do for a person. I learned what you put out is what you receive back on most cases. This law stands true to this day. There are several elements that you may want to apply to your daily routine.

1. You will want to use the power of positivity to propel you into successful action and enable you to motivate others to act in your behalf to help you get what you want. Positive attitude is what ignites the soul and gives you the personal power to turn others on! Positive attitude will give you the lift you need to get what you want.

2. The methods shared with you in this article taught me about personal development which is the easiest, fastest, way to improve the quality of your life. Your friends, family, and the people that you know that you want to impress will noticed the positive change within you once you begin your personal improvement journey. Only through self-development can you earn, deserve and get what you want in life. Know that your rewards in life are in direct proportion to the services you provide.

3. Understand, that you cannot obtain the help and win the required cooperation of others by pressure or by force. Pressure creates resistance. Force creates enemies. And resistance and enemies are things you don't need in your life if you want to get what you want in life.

You can obtain the enthusiastic cooperation of others by using the power of self-development and the power of attraction to get others to do what you want them to do. So, right now you will want to get started. It is up to you and you only to create a positive boldness in your life. Once this begins to happen you will begin to radiate an enthusiastic aura from your being. You will begin to look like a success! You will begin to act like a success! You will begin to be successful by undertaking in the many things you will learn by investing in yourself.

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Who Is Your Master?

You're a slave and don't even know it.

According to Websters dictionary a slave has two prominent definitions. The first states the following: "A person held in servitude as the chattel of another. The second definitions goes even deeper. It states the following: " One that is completely subservient to a dominating influence."

Addiction does just that. It becomes your task master and you become its slave. Addiction requires that. Complete unadulterated devotion, worship, and servitude. It requires great sacrifice and even then it is not satisfied. It says that you must do everything and anything to feed its appetite. It's cravings are more fierce than the largest grizzly bear, or the mighty lion. Because of our servitude we abide by whatever addiction asks.

We never count the cost. We never think of what we are losing in order to feed this domineering force. I have seen mothers forsake their children and sacrifice that righteous bond for a needle in their arm. I have seen fathers sell everything they own including their very soul to keep the high for just a little longer. Addiction does not care. It says that there is nothing above it. It is no respecter of person. It wants to kill everyone the same. It holds you in its clutches until it takes your life. Even then it wants more. It will carry on to someone else seeking their souls as well.

Wow we are slaves and don't even know it! We don't see the condition that we are truly in. We have become N.U.M.B. This acronym stands for Not Understanding My Behavior. When we are locked into the grips of addiction we become desensitized by it. We don't understand what our behavior is doing to ourselves, or those around us. The drugs create a box that keeps just it and ourselves locked in and chained together. To begin the process of healing we need to come to terms with our condition. We need to own it. "Look at what my life has become, look at what I have done." When we recognize it, and own it, we can begin to change it.

Yet how do we get to that point of cognitively recognizing our condition? When do we become aware or awake. I have seen parents lose their children to the system. Even that would not trigger that light bulb of self-realization. That look at my world. Look at the reality I have created. I have made a mess of things. That didn't do it. I have seen several people overdose and thanks to the life saving Narcan administered by a police officer lived to see another day. Even then that would not do it. So what does? What brings a person to that point of self realization and the yearning to change? It takes brokenness.

Brokenness comes when you become sick and tired of being sick and tired. The unfortunate reality is that some never get that opportunity. My own uncle died from a drug overdose in 2015. He was only 39 at the time. According to toxicology he had tried Fentanyl for the first time that night he died. It was determined that he died from a toxic mixture of Morphin and Fentanyl. Since that time there has been thousands who have died nation wide from drug overdoses. Thousands who never found the victory that comes in brokenness. See when we are broken, it does not show that we are defeated. It shows that we are set for a comeback.

Everyone loves a good comeback story. A tale of someone beating the odds. Someone who has overcome adversity to find victory just on the other side. That can happen even when your locked in the bonds of slavery to addiction.

In 1831 there was the Nat Turner Rebellion. It was a slave rebellion that took place in Southampton County, Virginia. During this revolt the slaves led by Nat Turner turned on their masters and eventually killed from 55 to 65 people. The slaves had become tired of their condition and treatment and rose up against their masters. We must come to that point as well. See there is a righteous anger to be found within the arena of brokenness. It is that anger that motivates us to make the necessary changes to begin recovery. We can't just recognize the problem and leave it to sit and become like cancer. Malignant and continuing to spread. We must become equally as aggressive to beat our master as we were to serve him. It is important for us to remember to use our anger in positive and creative ways to overcome the task master of addiction. It is not an easy path to take but it is one that leads to absolute victory.

When we realize that our life has become unmanageable we have taken the great first step to lasting recovery and complete healing. Now you have called out your enemy. You see him for the first time clearly. Now it is time to break free, and say I'm not going back. Addiction though does not let go quietly. It puts up a fight. It runs after you. It stalks you around every corner waiting for just one moment of weakness. It is important to find those you can lean on while on the path to recovery.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Who-Is-Your-Master?&id=9693174

Feeling Stuck? Raise Your Vibration Step Two-Finding Joyful Flow

This article is part two of a three-part series on raising your vibration, so you can live with more energy, health, love, joy, wisdom, and abundance-so you can be a powerful, positive, transforming presence in our world. In part one, we explored Step One, increasing your energetic charge, increasing the amount of energy you have. If you are tired and depleted, you have little energy to give and no energy to cultivate a higher frequency of being in this world.

Step Two is to recognize and release the tensions which interfere with the smooth and joyful flow of this energy.

Life is Movement, Renewal, and Change

Life is movement, renewal, and change. Nothing stays the same. All things arise, grow, linger, and fade. When we stop moving, renewing, and changing, our bodies die. Each moment is new and you are new each moment. Every cell in your body replaces itself every 7-10 year-and some renew much faster than this.

Yet, when events happen that scare us, we want to stop the flow of life. We want to shut things down. We freeze or retreat. We seek refuge from the storm of emotions and try to stop them from flowing.

We try to define things in ways that make them less scary, such as "Life is safe if I just stick to what I know, who I know, and the places I know, instead of venturing beyond." We try to define ourselves in ways that keep us safe, such as "I am just not good at that, so I won't try." We define comfort zones of thinking, acting, and relating-and defend them against change. We try to keep things just the way they are.

Then, we attach to these tightly defined boundaries of self, relationships, and events as if our lives depend upon them. This creates tension in our bodies and minds. These tensions harden-and we harden to life. We lose our receptivity to change and diversity, in ourselves and others, and our capacities for growth, healing, and renewal. We lose our capacity to "go with the flow."

Let's explore how to recognize and release these tensions, so we can regain our ability to gracefully and compassionately flow with life. This is the second step to raising our vibration.

The Primary Flows in Your Body

To better understand the importance of flow, let's use the analogy of blood flow. The flow of blood through our bodies is essential to life. Blood flow brings oxygen and nutrients to all our cells and clears toxins away from our cells. Without blood flow our bodies die within minutes.

Yet, there are several events which inhibit blood flow. These include stress and trauma which restricts natural full breathing leading to the constriction of blood vessels. Chronic stress, as well as toxins and certain foods and drinks, increase inflammation which damages the walls of blood vessels leading them to scar, build up plaque, and become less flexible. Emotions such as fear, worry, and anxiety create muscular and connective tissue tension which inhibits blood flow to muscles and internal organs. When this happens, they don't receive oxygen and nutrients and can't release toxins. These cells starve and become toxic. They are no longer able to renew and begin a slow death.

So, life in our bodies requires the free flow of blood, as well as the free flow of lymph fluid, nerve signals, and physical movement. Smooth flow is the essence of life-and tension restricts this flow. To improve flow, it's necessary to recognize and release tension, so these natural flows return. Our bodies signal us when and where there is tension, so, if we're paying attention, we can take action to recognize and release these tensions.

However, for most of us, these tensions become so normal we don't even realize they are there. Fortunately, we can learn to recognize them by their symptoms.

Recognizing Tension

You can recognize inner tension by these symptoms:

• Muscle pain and stiffness

• Restricted movement

• Difficulty breathing

• Chronic Fatigue

• Headache

• Congestion

• Indigestion

• Chronic illness

• Emotional overwhelm

• Brain fog and confusion

• Anxiety and worry

• Angry outbursts, agitation, irritation

• Harsh judgments of self and others

• Depression

• Feeling stuck

• Addictions

• Repeated poor results in your life, finances, and relationships...

You might look at this list and say, "That covers just about every problem I could have. Can these all be related to tension?"

The answer is "Yes."

Tensions in your body, mind, and emotions inhibit the smooth flow of blood, lymph, nerve signals, and life energy through your system and this contributes to all the above.

So, how do you recognize and release tension?

Here is a simple but powerful process you can use.

Steps to Recognize and Release Inner Tensions

1. Pause when you notice any of the above, any sign of tension, distress, irritation, or discomfort.

For a moment, let go of fear surrounding this. For a moment, see if you can let go of catastrophizing it and making it bigger. For a moment, let go of any stories your mind wants to tell about where these symptoms will lead.

2. Mindfully pay attention to the sensations inside your body, with curiosity and non-judgement. Notice the felt qualities. Is the discomfort located anywhere specific in your body? Does this area have a size, shape, color, texture, intensity?...

3. Allow a sense of space to surround the area. Allow this space to expand in all directions, so the space feels large and the area of tension feels small. Imagine this space radiates compassion.

4. From your point of view within the spacious area, ask the tense area if it has anything to tell you.

See if you can just float this question, listen, and feel without rushing to have an answer. Notice anything that arises, whether it's a thought, feeling, image, sensation...

5. Gently allow the compassionate spaciousness surrounding the tense area to embrace, infuse, and soothe the tense area. As you inhale, imagine and feel as if you are breathing love and compassion into the tense area. As you exhale, imagine and feel you are releasing the tension out of your body.

Continue breathing in this way until you have insight, feel relaxation, and/or notice a shift in what is happening.

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These steps initiate a healing process that works over time. You may need to repeat this process many times with the same area or issue, especially if the tension is longstanding or relates to a dominant thought/feeling/belief that you've held for a long time.

Consider implementing this practice as part of your daily routine, so you gradually release layers of tension that have stored up over the course of your life. This way of checking in with your body fits well with a morning or evening prayer/meditation practice, as well as being effective as a time-out in the midst of challenging moments during the day.

As you use these steps consistently over time, your body will begin to feel looser, lighter, and freer. You'll feel more joyful, inspired, and alive! Your energy and awareness will rise. You'll find yourself flowing with life, supported and guided by the current, and able to adapt to changes fluidly and gracefully. You will begin to live from a higher frequency of presence, love, and wisdom for the benefit of all beings and our whole planet.

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