Criticism Nourishes A Man's Growth Without Destroying His Roots

Criticism is really negative. It can be so easy to judge people by their faults. When we condemn another person, we are actually casting judgment. Normally, the reason why we criticize others is that we don't want them to be the first one to look at our faults.

However, if criticism is taken objectively, we can turn it into an inspiration. When someone criticizes us, it means they want to give us feedback on what we're doing. It means providing a room for an opportunity to learn more.Take a moment to think before you respond to what they're saying.

It helps us become stronger. If we always think we're right but don't get feedback from anyone else, then it doesn't mean that what we're doing is good. Honest opinions will tell us exactly how to get away from those bad practices towards the good ones. Easier said than done, right? This can be particularly difficult when we're deeply involved but, if we can take a step back, we might see how to improve ourselves and avoid any negative impact.

The right kind of criticism can give you an advantage. Do not react harshly or resort to violence. Use positive language to arrive a win-win solution. The language you use in responding to a criticism is important. Try to avoid getting into an argument. Instead, turn the exchange into a discussion about how to resolve the problem. Turn your words into action to show that you can listen to feedback, respond in the correct way and still be productive.

Don't take it personally if someone doesn't immediately like us or even our work. Even if we feel we're being criticized unfairly, don't retaliate with an extreme reaction or else you cannot repair the damage. It can also harm our reputation. The best we can do is to learn from them. This might give us an avenue to change. But never do it to please other people but do it for ourselves.

There are times that the criticism is already too personal and below the belt. More likely than not, other just want to destroy our resolve. People are by nature subject to commit mistakes and it's important to remember to not be offended by someone's remarks. Take a criticism on board and not respond as though it's a personal attack. Make it work to our advantage or, if all else fails, leave with our reputation intact.

Good criticism is rare. It can take a long time to find people who know how to provide useful feedback, instead of simply telling what's wrong with you.

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I'm Not Angry, It's You, It's Your Fault!

I'm guessing that many of us will have, at some time, been in the presence of someone who seems angry, even hostile, for no apparent reason. They may even claim not to be angry; it's your fault, you who's imagining it, who's projecting your own issues and emotions into the situation. We may even find ourselves wondering what happened, could it really be our fault? We may be unclear as to how to proceed.

Some people have a tendency to blow up at the slightest opportunity, for the most trivial of reasons and then claim that they were not angry, that we provoked them, it's our fault and we're to blame! They may twist our words and actions, manipulate situations, 'gas light' us.

When we know there's no obvious reason for such an outburst we may wish to dig deeper and find clues to help us address the underlying issues behind such anger. If we can't simply walk away from the relationship how do we persuade a person to acknowledge the inappropriateness of their behaviour or help them accept that there are issues that need resolving?

What do you do if you suspect you're becoming that person?

- Notice if other people are starting to back away from you. Everyone can't be wrong! A big clue that you're the angry one who's behaving unreasonably is when you realise that people have stopped discussing sensitive matters with you. A shrug and a 'there's no point discussing it, you never listen', may be fine at busy or stressful times, but gradually others may start to form closer relationships whilst you become relegated to the role of outsider. Noticing this can provoke an increase of anger and frustration, but it can be the cue to start taking more responsibility for your alienating behaviour.

- Do people claim that you're not interested or don't understand? Relationships are not all about you and are meant to be a two-way exchange, even if you don't like or agree with the other person's point of view. Practise constructive listening. This means calmly reflecting back what you've heard so that the speaker is reassured that you've understood. It can be tough at first to resist the temptation to be mentally preparing your response before they've even finished speaking, but giving others respect and understanding will help to improve your relationships.

- A victim mentality can result in angry responses to any perceived criticism or rejection. This may be caused by unresolved issues, sometimes going back many years. That sneaking suspicion that we're not good enough, that we've succeeded by accident, that we'll be found out at any moment can cause defensive, angry responses in a bid to fend off further comments or investigation.

- 'Stop telling me what to do' is a common expression in households where young people are growing up and starting to flex their wings. Over time though, some people may seem incapable of phrasing requests in an acceptable way and so are seen as bossy, ego-driven and dominant, whereas others may be resistant to taking instruction well. This can be problematical in work-related situations. Learning to discuss matters respectfully can help avoid an escalation of tensions.

- Unresolved issues may be caused through an inability to properly communicate our feelings, ask for help or discuss what's going on. We may have learned to keep quiet and not express ourselves well or expect others to be psychic and intuit our true thoughts and feelings. Maybe we hate risking feeling vulnerable and anticipate that others won't understand. All these are our own issues that can prompt an angry response. It may be that a few counselling and hypnotherapy sessions can help us work through any unhelpful patterns of behaviour.

- Too much going on, where we're loathe to decline requests and continually accept more commitments can result in a stress overload and burnout. We may agree to requests out of concern or fear, perhaps of missing out, of appearing that we're not coping, that we're not up to the job. However, it's often better to explain what else is going on in our lives, to ask for extra training and discuss our situation. Sometimes other people issue requests without fully realising what other commitments we have.

- Counselling and hypnotherapy can help in resolving underlying issues of rejection, low self-esteem and confidence. It can be important to appreciate that perspective has a significant role too in our experience of anger. How we look at things, how we interpret what's going on is frequently done from how they impact on us and our lives. Getting to grips with the fact that others may be better than us in some areas, right in what they're saying, entitled to their point of view, can make a massive difference to the way we react to experiences. Accepting that we have to 'get over ourselves' can be a big step in the right direction.

- Learn to laugh at yourself when you see how uptight, foolish or wrong you're being. Self-awareness can deliver a much more relaxed, less stressed way of responding to things that happen and can enable everyone to ease up too and be more creative and supportive of each other.

- Finding a code word or effective way of recognising and calling 'time out' can be a valuable way of intercepting tense situations before they escalate. All parties need to agree in advance, but taking a break before anger erupts can give time to calm, recognise the triggers and maybe discuss them before too much harm is caused.

And don't forget, once said, things cannot be unsaid. They may be understood, excused, even forgiven, but it's less easy to forget harsh words spoken in anger.

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What Can You Learn From Gossip and Criticism?

Do you have a friend who is constantly gossiping and criticizing other people? And have you noticed that your friend is usually guilty of the same things that he is criticizing? Why then is he going constantly on and on about so and so's bad manners, lack of financial skills and poor taste in clothes, and getting really worked up about it?

The answer is simple - your gossiping friend criticizes the parts of himself that he doesn't like and that he keeps seeing in other people. It may be that he is completely unaware of what he is doing. Or it may be that he already knows his own faults and by talking to you about these same faults in other people, he hopes (partly consciously and partly subconsciously) that he can divert the attention away from his own negatives. But ultimately he achieves exactly the opposite. Your light bulbs go immediately and you think "Wow, my friend is delusional. What is he thinking? He is doing exactly the same things that he keeps critisizing in other people!"

But is your friend simply delusional? Or is there something else at play? Sure, if he is completely unaware of what is going on, then yes maybe he is indeed delusional. But he must also be scared, separated and disconnected. He doesn't know how to experience love and how to feel part of everyone and everything and that must be what is driving the negativism and the constant criticism that he is directing at the world.

The surest way to transform a negative person who constantly criticizes and gossips is to help them understand unconditional love and connectedness. When we feel love, when we feel connected, then we focus on the similarities between people, not on the differences between them. This opens the door to compassion, self-reflection, and healing. Your friend notices that someone has bad manners and loves them for that and looks for the same thing in himself, because he knows in his heart that we are all the same.

So how do you offer your friend a path from Separation to Universal love? There are many healing therapies that work on the level of the consciousness and that can bring us closer to experiencing love and connectedness. And by the way, if you know a friend who needs a therapy like along those lines, then you certainly need it yourself because we are all the same!

http://ezinearticles.com/?What-Can-You-Learn-From-Gossip-and-Criticism?&id=9696957

Criticism Nourishes A Man's Growth Without Destroying His Roots

Criticism is really negative. It can be so easy to judge people by their faults. When we condemn another person, we are actually casting judgment. Normally, the reason why we criticize others is that we don't want them to be the first one to look at our faults.

However, if criticism is taken objectively, we can turn it into an inspiration. When someone criticizes us, it means they want to give us feedback on what we're doing. It means providing a room for an opportunity to learn more.Take a moment to think before you respond to what they're saying.

It helps us become stronger. If we always think we're right but don't get feedback from anyone else, then it doesn't mean that what we're doing is good. Honest opinions will tell us exactly how to get away from those bad practices towards the good ones. Easier said than done, right? This can be particularly difficult when we're deeply involved but, if we can take a step back, we might see how to improve ourselves and avoid any negative impact.

The right kind of criticism can give you an advantage. Do not react harshly or resort to violence. Use positive language to arrive a win-win solution. The language you use in responding to a criticism is important. Try to avoid getting into an argument. Instead, turn the exchange into a discussion about how to resolve the problem. Turn your words into action to show that you can listen to feedback, respond in the correct way and still be productive.

Don't take it personally if someone doesn't immediately like us or even our work. Even if we feel we're being criticized unfairly, don't retaliate with an extreme reaction or else you cannot repair the damage. It can also harm our reputation. The best we can do is to learn from them. This might give us an avenue to change. But never do it to please other people but do it for ourselves.

There are times that the criticism is already too personal and below the belt. More likely than not, other just want to destroy our resolve. People are by nature subject to commit mistakes and it's important to remember to not be offended by someone's remarks. Take a criticism on board and not respond as though it's a personal attack. Make it work to our advantage or, if all else fails, leave with our reputation intact.

Good criticism is rare. It can take a long time to find people who know how to provide useful feedback, instead of simply telling what's wrong with you.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Criticism-Nourishes-A-Mans-Growth-Without-Destroying-His-Roots&id=9774783

Great Feedback Depends On Encouragement

Author, Ted Engstrom, wrote a story that happened many years ago at the University of Wisconsin to a group of extraordinary young men who had the "ability to put the English language to its best use." These students were essayists, novelists, and poets. They "met regularly to read and critique each other's work."

Engstrom said, they "were merciless dissecting the most minute literary expression into a hundred pieces. They were heartless, tough, even mean in their criticism." They "called themselves the Stranglers." They strangled all the hopes and dreams they each had.

The young women at the university with literary talent decided to begin their own club calling it the "Wranglers". "They read their works to one another but criticism was much softer, more positive, more encouraging. Sometimes, there was almost no criticism at all. Every effort, even the most feeble one, was encouraged."

Study Done 20 Years Later:

An alumnus from the university, twenty years later, did a "study of his classmates' careers". He noticed " not one" of the Stranglers made any "literary accomplishment".

On the other hand, "from the Wranglers had come six or more successful writers, some of national renown such as Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings, who wrote The Yearling."

In both groups the education and talent were equal. Ted Engstrom "concluded, the Stranglers strangled, while the Wranglers highlighted the best, not the worst."

What was the difference between the Stranglers and the Wranglers evaluations?

The Stranglers demoralized their members sucking out all their creativity by criticizing everything they did wrong. They beat each other down. Left no one standing!

The Wranglers on the other hand, built on the strengths of their members. They encouraged, inspired, motivated and helped their members to continue developing and creating their writing projects. Honest sincere compliments lift others up encouraging them to want to continue the work they are doing.

At Toastmasters positive evaluations are given:

As a Toastmaster member since 2009, we learn to help other members improve their communication, public speaking and leadership skills. At Toastmasters constructive feedback is given on prepared manual speeches. Constructive feedback is given in a positive friendly atmosphere. Evaluators listen carefully to the speaker they are evaluating and tell them what they have done well to build the speakers confidence, and then make one suggestion that they can improve. Every person needs positive encouragement to motivate and inspire them to the next level of their journey.

Successful Leaders Are Wranglers:

Mary Kay Ash, founder of Mary Kay cosmetics said, "Never giving criticism without praise is a strict rule for me. No matter what you are criticizing, you must find something good to say... Criticize the act, not the person."

Harvey Mackay, businessman and author, says, "Successful leaders.. understand that results reflect their management skills. Constantly belittling or blaming means that either the employee isn't a good fit or that the criticism isn't being delivered effectively... Positive results start with a positive environment in which employees know that they will be treated with respect even when they make mistakes."

Words have power:

The words you say to others are powerful. Think before you say them!

What 5 ways can you encourage and empower others to be good wranglers/ good finders to family, friends, and fellow employees?

1) Show them you care about them and want to learn about them. Ask them about their families, their hopes, challenges, and dreams.

2) Matt McWilliams, online marketing expert, says "Use the four magic words: I believe in you. Take the time to tell your team, your friends, your family, and your followers that you believe in your abilities and that you are confident that they will succeed."

3) Written words of praise last a lifetime!

When did you last thank someone who helped you in some way? (Your mentor, parent, grandparent, coach, teacher, boss.) Did you write them a note of thanks, or send them a text to tell them thank them? If they are no longer with you on earth, write a blog on the net memorializing their work with you.

President Abraham Lincoln when he died had 8 newspaper clippings in his pocket on the positive things written about him during his re-election campaign. He had read and re-read these newspaper clippings many times, to remind him of the nice things they had written about him. During his presidency he was maligned many times by the newspapers.

When Mark Eklund, a young soldier, died in Vietnam, he had two well -worn sheets of paper in his pocket that he had read and re-read many times. On the two sheets were "all the good things" his classmates had written about him when he was in the eighth grade. ("All the Good Things" by Sister Helen P. Mrosla.) Written words of praise last a lifetime!

4) When you speak about your employees, your children, your spouse or sibling in public, praise them to others. When you are speaking to a team member at work and are talking about another team member say something positive about them. Build others up by building on their strengths.

5) Chris Martin, Author Development Specialist at LifeWay Christian Resources, say, "Listen to others' concerns and ask how you can help. One of the best ways to earn the ears of others is by learning to use your own. When you use your ears and listen to the concerns of others, you tell them that what preoccupies them matters to you, and even if you can't do anything about it you care." So stop talking and listen to others.

Leaders are wranglers and good finders who build on the strengths of their employee/ team members, family, and friends. They show respect, increase the self-esteem of others by helping them develop through their strengths, and building on them. Just like Toastmasters, - leaders who are wranglers/ good finder begin with, what their team member/employee did well, and explain, and demonstrate how to correct something that has been done incorrectly.

The "Wranglers" built on the strengths of their members. They encouraged, inspired, motivated and helped their members to continue developing and creating their writing projects.

In all of life, people need praise and encouragement to improve, to be inspired, to learn, and grow. When President Lincoln and Mark Eklund, a young soldier died, they had with them well-worn "treasured" sheets with " words of praise" to them.

Words of praise last a lifetime!

Begin today to be a "Wrangler Good Finder Leader " who encourages and inspires their people to success.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Great-Feedback-Depends-On-Encouragement&id=9752160

Find Your Motivation

What motivates you?

It's an answer you have to find out for yourself. There are so many things that can make you feel motivated, but to choose just one of them may be the hardest part.

Get negative people out of your life for starters. Criticism is always going to happen. Constructive criticism is a good thing and helps growth, but negative criticism isn't beneficial. I found that when I was being told that my writing wasn't all that good (on a regular basis) I started to believe it myself. Remove yourself from negative environments and surround yourself with positive people. Smile and think happy thoughts.

Ask yourself questions like-

• What goals do I want to achieve?

• Why am I doing this?

• How soon do I want to see these goals reached?

Have visual goals. Make whatever you're working towards a visual. Maybe it's something material like a car, or a vacation you have been looking forward to for the longest time. Take or cut out a picture of it and post it in your environment where you will see it most often. These visuals can be looked at when motivation lacks, and the feeling of continuing towards your goal seems pointless. Picture yourself obtaining that goal and tell yourself you are capable of reaching it.

Draw up a to-do-list. Research has shown that people who write down to-do-lists tend to achieve their goals. Break down the activity into small doable steps instead of having just the final goal. As you achieve each of the smaller tasks, it will help build your confidence that you are indeed on the right path. As your confidence builds, so will your motivation. You will feel encouraged to continue and reach your ultimate goal.

Read books and literature that will help to inspire you. Reading stories about other peoples success can boost motivation levels. Not only will you learn from others peoples' experiences, but it will also be beneficial in motivating you to keep following the path to reaching your goal.

Find forums and communities within your interest and join up. Talking to other members can be one of the biggest motivational kicks. Social Media sites like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram have groups where you can discuss ideas, get tips from other members to help you get back on track.

Positive statements on Post-It notes around your environment, can also help boost motivation.

MAKE THINGS HAPPEN! Keep on aiming high and go for it!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Find-Your-Motivation&id=9374493

Are You Addicted to Complaining As A Form of Control? (By Margaret Paul, Ph.D)

Complaining is a way of life for some people. It was certainly a way of life for my mother. I don't remember a day going by without her complaining, endlessly. I don't think I ever heard a word of gratitude out of my mother's mouth. No matter how good things were, she would manage to find something wrong. No matter how perfect I was - and God knows I tried to be perfect! - she always found something wrong with me, as well as with my father.

Over the years of counseling others, I've noticed that some people start every session with a complaint. They can't seem to help it. Like my mother, they are addicted to complaining.

Why do people complain? What is it they want or hope for when they complain?

People who complain are generally people who have not done the emotional and spiritual work of developing a loving, compassionate inner adult self. They are operating as a wounded child in need of love, attention and compassion. Because they have not learned to give themselves the attention and compassion they need, they seek to get these needs met by others. Complaining is a way they have learned to attempt to get this. They use complaining as a form of control, hoping to guilt others into giving them the attention, caring and compassion they seek.

Complaining is a "pull" on other people. Energetically, complainers are pulling on others for caring and understanding because they have emotionally abandoned themselves. They are like demanding little children. The problem is that most people dislike being pulled on and demanded of. Most people don't want emotional responsibility for another person and will withdraw in the face of another's complaints.

This is what my father did. He withdrew. He shut down and he was emotionally unavailable to my mother as a way to protect himself from being controlled by her complaints. Of course, he didn't just do this in response to my mother. He had learned to withdraw as a child in response to his own mother's complaints and criticism. He entered the marriage ready to withdraw in the face of my mother's pull, while she entered the marriage ready to make my father emotionally responsible for her. A perfect match!

My father's withdrawal, of course, only served to exacerbate my mother's complaining, and she constantly complained about my father's lack of caring about her. Likewise, my mother's complaining served to exacerbate my father's already withdrawn way of being. This vicious circle started early and continued unabated for the 60 years of their marriage, until my mother died.

While my parents loved each other, their ability to express their love got buried beneath the dysfunctional system they created. Unfortunately, this is all too common in relationships. The most common relationship system I work with is where one partner is pulling - with complaints, anger, judgment and other forms of control - and the other is withdrawing.

A person addicted to complaining will not be able to stop complaining until he or she does the inner bonding work of developing a loving adult part of themselves capable of giving themselves the love, caring, understanding and compassion they need. As long as they believe that it is another's responsibility to be the adult for them and fill them with love, they will not take on this responsibility for themselves.

Our inner child - the feeling part of us - needs attention, approval and caring. If we don't learn to give this to ourselves, then this wounded child part of ourselves will either seek to get it from others, or learn to numb out with substance and process addictions, such as food, alcohol, drugs, TV, work, gambling and so on. If, as a child, a person saw others get attention through complaining - as my mother did with my grandmother - and if complaining worked for the child to get what he or she wanted, then it can become an addiction. Like all addictions, it may work for the moment, but it will never fill the deep inner need for love. Only we can fill this need for ourselves, by opening our hearts to our Source of love. Only we can do the inner bonding work of developing a loving adult capable of opening to the love of Spirit and bringing that love to the child within. People stop complaining when they learn to love themselves and fill themselves with love.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Are-You-Addicted-to-Complaining-As-A-Form-of-Control?&id=9381596

How To Refute Irrational Ideas That Stress You Out

Have you ever noticed that sometimes the same event is stressful and sometimes it's not? Or maybe there's something that just drives you crazy, while your spouse, friend, or co-worker seems unaffected-or even thinks it's funny?

What is it that makes something stressful for you or not? Is there some variable that makes all the difference?

In the 1960s, psychologist Albert Ellis developed "Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy" when he recognized the strong link between how we interpret events and the emotions and behaviors that result.

Most significantly, he noticed that "Between the event and the emotion is realistic or unrealistic self-talk. The self-talk produces the emotions. Your own thoughts, directed and controlled by you, are what create anxiety, anger, and depression." (p.136, "The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook," by Martha Davis, Ph.D., Elizabeth Robbins Eshelman, MSW, and Matthew McKay, Ph.D.)

Taking it one step further to complete the chain, your emotions then determine your actions.

So, the causal chain goes like this: activating events, interpretation (thoughts, self-talk), emotions, and behavior. This becomes a feedback loop in which all of the above (event, thought, feeling, behavior) are linked together. Once this pattern is encoded in your body and brain it becomes easy to trigger.

For example, you might be faced with a challenging task at work or in a family relationship which you interpret through the lens of a past failure in a similar situation. This makes you feel hopeless, so you withdraw from the situation to avoid feeling bad again.

Ellis identified 10 common irrational beliefs that launch us into stressful feelings which result in poor coping behaviors.

10 Irrational Beliefs

1. It's essential to have love and approval for me to feel good.

2. I must be unfailingly competent, successful, and perfect to deserve good things.

3. Certain people are evil and should be punished.

4. It's horrible when things don't turn out the way I want them to.

5. External events cause human suffering.

6. The unknown is dangerous and scary.

7. It's easier to avoid difficulties than face them head on.

8. I need a higher authority to validate my judgments and actions.

9. The past determines the present.

10. Happiness comes from endless leisure and relaxation.

These are just a sampling of the irrational ideas that produce crippling feelings and behaviors. It's not that there is no truth in them. It's how we use them against ourselves that is decisive.

At the heart of these beliefs is the assumption that "things are done to me" or that "I am a victim of circumstances beyond my control." That disempowered way of thinking lies at the core of the stress we feel.

Ellis discovered that, if you can refute your irrational ideas, you can interrupt the chain of reaction, and create a new outcome. If you reframe your thinking, you will feel and act differently. By doing this, you become stress resistant and stress resilient.

Ellis suggested five steps:

5 Steps to Refute Irrational Ideas

1. Write down the objective facts at the time you become upset. Try to describe "what happened" without writing a big story around it. For example, "Bob criticized my report and I walked out of the meeting."

2. Write down any self-talk about the event. This is the story you are telling about what happened, including any value judgments, beliefs, predictions about what it means for you, and worries, such as "I'll never be good at this," "I don't deserve a raise, unless I'm perfect," or "If they don't like me, I'll lose my job."

3. Write down your dominant emotional response, such as "I feel angry, afraid, anxious, sad, depressed, worthless, and so on.

4. Dispute the irrational ideas identified in Step 2. Do this one idea at a time. First, identify the idea or belief in your inner self-talk, such as "I'll never be good at this." 

Then, ask yourself what evidence supports that belief. For example, remember times when you failed in the past in similar situations.

Next, ask yourself what evidence is against this belief? Find exceptions or remember times when the opposite was true.

In this example, you could find evidence for the opposite idea that "I can get good at this." Remember times when you used criticism as constructive feedback that helped you improve what you were doing.

Seeing both sides of an irrational belief supports the insight that there are alternative interpretations you can choose from. Which leads to the final step.

5. Substitute alternative self-talk that is more realistic, positive, empowering, and productive.

For example, "I can use this criticism as feedback to get better at what I am doing. This person did me a favor by pointing out shortcomings in what I was doing. Without that feedback, I wouldn't have known how to improve. This is the best thing that could have happened."

Can you see the transformative power in this process?

I've used this strategy many times with great success. However, in my experience, there's one preliminary step missing here-a step can make all the difference!

Sometimes you are so wound up in your stress that you just can't seem to step back and go through this kind of rational process. You need to first take the edge off the stress you feel. You need to activate your body's natural relaxation response.

So, what helps you release stress in the heat of the moment? Is it taking a walk, a few deep breaths, a little meditation, or a workout at the gym?

Once you've done that, you can revisit the situation from a much clearer state. Then, you can use the steps above and truly change how you are relating to that situation.

Enjoy your practice!

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Refute-Irrational-Ideas-That-Stress-You-Out&id=9477713

How To Use Criticism To Improve Your Life

It is just a matter of looking at things a little different.

• "Are there any honest people in the world?"
• "Are there any people who will tell you the truth no matter how good or bad?"
• "If everyone is beating me down, what can I do?"
• "I've failed so many times, I can't think of anything else to do to solve this problem."

These words reflect the views and mindset of an individual who has given up on themselves.

It is sad to see how many people have done so.

These individuals don't view criticism as anything more than a personal attack. They don't see it as useful and may view it in a negative light. This negativity is failing to help them to build self-esteem or improve their lives in any way.

Criticism is often interpreted as a negative proponent. The fact is, it is a valuable tool for self-analysis. Nothing more.

Did you know that psychics use criticism to gain valuable insights?

Think about that statement for one minute. It makes sense. If you remain negative and advert criticism, how will you change? It is not hard for someone to determine your future.

Criticism is only advice you do not want to hear!

It does help and it should never effect you in a negative way.

I know some people are bad at delivering it, but stop listening for the how and listen for the why. Just because someone is not good at speaking, it does not mean that what they have to say is not valid.

It can be important and helpful.

Criticism makes people weary of doing this such as solving problems and contributing.

When you begin to accept criticism for what it is, nothing more than advice, you will begin to see its true value. It can be an effective tool for helping to improve your life.

You will never hold back a good idea for fear of it.

This can change the world. Creativity is the mother of all new things.

You will see the positive aspects of other advice given to you.

Sometimes a bad review is a good thing, it pushes you to do your best. This can result in a better outcome. Even better than you ever imagined.

You can focus only on the things that you need to change.

People who see criticism as nothing but a personal attack sometimes feel overwhelmed. They begin to question themselves and then low self-esteem ensues.

Remember, no one is perfect. Everyone needs a little talking to once in a while.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Use-Criticism-To-Improve-Your-Life&id=9513013

7 Criticisms You Need to Crush If You Are Looking to Live The High Life

"Know Thyself."

In one way or another, many of the greats have passed on the above message. Whilst many look outward for the answers to their problems, the wise look within.

However, having gotten over the fact that one has to look within for the answers to life, there are still a number of factors dragging people down, stopping them from really ever fulfilling their dreams and aspirations.

What are they? Well, I call them the 7 Critical Killers.

As we go through them, see if anything rings true with you. Could it be that any of the 7 Critical Killers has gotten hold of you and doesn't want to let you go? If you agree to that, this article could be one of the most important you would have read to date.

So let's get right into them. Here are the 7 critical killers:

1. Criticism of self

2. Age

3. Income

4. Education

5. Experience

6. Personality

7. Other People's opinions 

Now, this list is by no means exhaustive. No doubt there are a number of other criticisms people face. But, for this article, we'll go with the seven that are listed.

1. Criticism of Self

Let's face it - all other criticisms pale in significance when compared to this one. Self doubt, poor self-esteem, and a weak self-image all lead to an internal dialogue which would shock many, if the outside world were to eavesdrop on it.

What or who is that inner dialogue with? It's with our own inner personal gremlin, the voice that stops us from everything that's great. It's the dampener of spirit, the killer of dreams. It's the very frightened part of us trying to make sure that we play life safe.

Think back. Have you ever wanted to really do something, attend something, or learn something, but got thrown out of the game because you already gave yourself reasons as to why it just "simply can't be done"?

This is the inner critic. If you don't pay regular and daily attention to it, it will muscle in on your life and squeeze you out of all your dreams, hopes and aspirations.

2. Age

I suppose it's in the way someone says it, right? I mean, if they say it like, "how old did you say you were?" Or, "do you think you should be doing that at your age?" Or even, "What, they're 10-20 years younger than you! You'll end up looking like a fool!"

Think of what's better: the person who has a number of years on their side resigned to the fact that they are aging, or a person that says, "yes, I've picked up a lot of experience during my years and am looking to see what I can learn next!"

Can you see how easy it is to get psyched and phased out from mere simple statements? And how one can live a powerful and contributing life by knowing how to interpret the statement for personal gain?

Life really does hang in the balance based on how we're able to deflect the bad, and focus on the positive and good.

3. Income

"How much do you earn?" "You've been at this business opportunity thing for a long time now. How much are you bringing in?" "Shouldn't you be independently wealthy now?" "What, you haven't even got a private pension? What are you going to do when things really take a dive in your later life?"

If any of the above statements make you squirm a little uncomfortably, you can be sure there's a defense system that's just raised its head. And look, society has an insatiable appetite in wanting to know who earns what, who's bought what, whose kids go to what private school, what's the latest car they're driving, and what have you.

And, it's here to stay. If any of it makes you that uncomfortable, then congratulations! Because you're in exactly the right place to turn things around if you truly desire it.

4. Education

If there was one area people have a hang up about, it's in the area of education. They feel it a personal criticism that they couldn't attend the best of schools or universities. That they didn't have the opportunities to excel in their studies when at an earlier age.

Now, what's also true is that those who do emerge from the educational and institutional system are dissatisfied in carrying out their chosen discipline in the wider world.

Quire frankly, there's a whole industry in home study systems, vocational programmes, learning institutions who are aiming to fill the void many people feel they have, as well as catering to those looking to master a new set of skills.

5. Having No Experience

I've seen the self criticism and the critical arrows of others when it comes to learning something anew. And yes, there's a huge yawning gap as the wide as the Grand Canyon in the minds of those who feel they do not have the adequate experience when tackling something for the first time.

It's as if people feel they can't learn what it takes to make up this missing ingredient. Experience comes from doing, from interaction, from being able to take constructive help and acting on the feedback.

6. Personality

When you see someone who has just the most natural of personalities, the most attractive persona, the most flawless character, it's almost inevitable that we start comparing and finding faults in how we measure up. Our own critical antennae start flickering.

If we were to go back into the playground, it's probably true to say that the more attractive our personalities, as well as how we appeared to others, the more friends we had. And for many, this scenario is played out in their lives to the present day.

Statements like "you're too shy", "that's just the way you are", "he doesn't speak that much", "she's gone into her shell", "he's too outspoken", "who'd want to hang around with you", and other such things are all designed to pigeonhole a person. Eventually, these people are then known by these personal characteristics, which are then taken as criticisms.

7. Other People's Opinions

We look to our parents, our educators, the government, society, television, religious institutions, the press, other people in authority to give us the ideals in how we're supposed to live. And, for the most part, we lap everything up - hook, line and sinker.

However, when the time comes for any of those we hold in high esteem to tell us we're no good, we're not living well, we're sinners, we're fat, we're uncultured, or we're uneducated, we take their criticisms to heart. We truly believe that in some way, we're bad.

Sadly, that's just the way most of the world wants us to believe. But, we don't have to play their game!

As you've just read, there's a lot to contend with as we move through life. Criticism seems to be the normal way of things. However, what doesn't have to stay the same is the way we deal with and treat criticism.

We can either be reactionary to it all, or we can take the proactive approach and step in front of criticism before it reaches our senses and deal with it like we would deal with something unwanted. We can send the gift of criticism back to its originator, without so much as a negative thought. Just like an unwanted letter, we can return to sender in our own mind before criticism has a chance to strike.

It's not the way most people choose to live. However, if you're looking to live life at the top, it's essential to deal with criticism in a swift and efficient manner.

http://ezinearticles.com/?7-Criticisms-You-Need-to-Crush-If-You-Are-Looking-to-Live-The-High-Life&id=9345315

5 Ways to Survive Criticism From Family Members

You're worthy of unconditional love, and have the right to ask for it.

With the holiday season in full swing, people are preparing themselves—financially, mentally, and emotionally—to spend significant amounts of time with their family. For some, these extended periods with family are the highlight of the year. For others, they’re like standing in front of a firing squad.

If you’re steeling yourself for an onslaught of family criticism this season, know that you’re not necessarily facing a losing battle. And you don’t need to avoid gatherings altogether to gain some relief from the verbal jabs.

The following five strategies for surviving family criticism are valid at any time of the year, but especially during the holidays:

1. Start viewing criticism as misguided caring.

Many people grow up with the notion that if you care about someone, you worry about them. But while worrying about someone’s well-being is well-intentioned, it’s a slippery slope into finding fault with their actions or deeds.

In other words, when a family member expresses disapproval of your actions—or directly criticizes you—they may be doing it because they deeply care about what happens to you. Family members (especially parents and children) often worry about one another because they care. Remind yourself that the criticism that springs from worry may actually be misguided caring. 

2. Speak up! Let relatives know how they can better express that they care.

Reminding yourself that caring and criticism are often related helps, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re dealing with harsh words from someone you love. To stop the harsh words, it helps to educate the relative about a better way to express their caring.

Take a few minutes with the critical person to describe ways he or she could express an opinion that would be more helpful and less hurtful to you. For example, if your sister is always on your case about your low-paying job, tell her that it would be more helpful if she forwarded job opportunities to you instead of criticizing your current situation. Often, all people need is an outlet; they want and to feel like they are doing something. Provide them with an alternative outlet that works better for you.

3. Encourage prioritization.

Let’s say your dad constantly nags you and your spouse about having a baby and moving back to your hometown. Ask him, “If we could only do one of those things—have a baby or move back home—which would you pick?” Prioritizing the critical person’s concerns in this way helps narrow the focus of the criticism. You may continue to endure nagging about their “top priority” concern, but the lesser concerns will likely fall by the wayside. This may even help the criticizer gain better clarity about what he or she actually wants from you. 

4. Give gentle reminders that you are worthy of unconditional love.

Criticism from family can be deeply painful. Even when you know intellectually that it comes from a place of love, it doesn’t feel very loving. That’s because criticism conflates one’s actions and circumstances with who they are as a person. When someone attacks your actions or circumstances, it can feel like he or she is attacking your character.

If someone in your family insists on conflating your worth as a person with a list of tasks he or she would like to see you accomplish, it’s time to remind that person that you are deserving of unconditional love. You are bigger than your spending choices, your rental history, your career path, or your childlessness. You know that, and your family should, too.

5. Understand that purposeless negativity is just that—purposeless negativity.

The previous tips give your family members a certain benefit of the doubt: They assume that your relatives are reasonable people with good intentions who, through upbringing or conditioning, have developed some poor communication habits.

This tip is for a family member who’s just mean: He or she doesn’t particularly care about you, your future, or your feelings. This relative is just critical because putting others down makes them feel good. He or she is a bully, deeply insecure, or both. Such a person doesn’t deserve your attention just because they hold the title of "family member.” Their criticism can and should be dismissed as nothing more than purposeless negativity.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-art-closeness/201511/5-ways-survive-criticism-family-members

4 Ways to Deal With Criticism So It Doesn’t Get You Down

“The final proof of greatness lies in being able to endure criticism without resentment.” ~Elbert Hubbard

Are you afraid of receiving criticism?

Even if it’s minor or well-meaning, criticism can feel like a punch in the gut.

And if you let it, criticism can leave you feeling down and resentful for days or weeks after.

As the music director at my church, I occasionally receive negative feedback from members of the community.

After services one Sunday, a congregant came up to offer some critique of my music selections. At first it felt like a full-on attack. I didn’t even have a chance to get up from the organ bench before she began.

I wish I could say that I responded perfectly, but I didn’t. I immediately became defensive. My breath shortened. I interrupted her before she could complete her thoughts. But at some point in the midst of the barrage, I regained my composure and listened.

It was hard and painful to just listen without being defensive. On reflection, I realized that my pain had little to do with her criticism. It came from my own fear of being judged. Once I became aware of this, it was much easier for me to recover emotionally and move on.

If you struggle with the fear of being criticized, here are some things to keep in mind:

1. Criticism will not kill you.

The mere possibility of being criticized can fill you with dread.

When I was being criticized, my fight or flight response was automatically triggered. Though I was in no real physical danger, my mind started to immediately generate thoughts such as: “What if she starts a campaign to get me fired?” and “How will I find work to support my family?”

In hindsight, it’s easy to see that the leap from criticism to catastrophe was a gross distortion of reality. But in the moment, the thoughts can feel very real.

Over time I’ve learned to regain control of my thoughts by asking questions, such as: “Are my disastrous scenarios likely to happen?” or “Will this kill me?” I’ve found the answer is often no.

Criticism can hurt, but it cannot maim or kill. If you struggle with the fear of criticism, know that you too have the resources to get through it and move on.

2. Giving criticism can be as hard as receiving it. 

It’s hard for people to say what’s truly on their minds. Most would prefer speak ill of you behind your back or let resentment build rather than risk conflict.

As I struggled to hear the woman’s criticism, I noticed that she was visibly shaking. It dawned on me that this person, rather than simply grumbling to other parishioners or the pastor, had summoned the courage to speak directly to me.

In that moment, I was able to empathize with her. This profoundly changed my experience of being criticized. My attitude shifted from that of fear to compassion, even gratitude. I no longer perceived her as a threat and my own fears were calmed.

If you’re facing criticism, try to see the situation from the other person’s point of view.

3. Not all criticism is created equal.

Think of the last time you were criticized. Did you find yourself over-analyzing everything the person said?

In the struggle to articulate their feelings, people often say useless or hurtful things. Somewhere in there is the main concern they are trying to communicate. It’s tempting to let negative comments, often arising out of frustration, get the best of us.

In my own situation, I chose to address the genuine concern and discard the rest.

You too can challenge your own tendency to focus on the negative by asking yourself: “What’s is the focus of their complaint?” If the purpose of the criticism is simply to antagonize, give yourself permission to discard it all.

4. Criticism can fuel your personal growth.

When we’re in defensive mode, it’s practically impossible to be self-reflective. But once the defenses drop, allow this question to come to the surface:

Is there any truth to the criticism?

Entertaining this question will be the starting point of your personal growth.

Once I’d processed the valid concerns of the criticism, I began taking practical steps to incorporate the feedback into my work and attitude. I also began to process my own fears and general defensiveness. Finally, I worked to drop my resentment toward the person who criticized me.

How can you effectively incorporate useful criticism into your life? Focus on using the criticism to improve yourself rather than please or appease the person. This will help you let go any lingering resentment toward them.

Kick Your Fear of Criticism to the Curb 

As long as you are breathing, leading, or doing something that matters, you will be criticized.

Don’t let your deep, dark fears of being criticized hold you back.

Instead of trying to avoid it at all costs, expect it—even welcome it.

You’ll learn to conquer your fears and increase your confidence.

So next time you’re staring criticism in the face, take a deep breath, smile, and say to yourself, “Let’s do this.”

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/4-ways-to-deal-with-criticism-so-it-doesnt-get-you-down/?utm_source=hootsuite

Tim Ferriss: 7 Great Principles for Dealing with Haters

Dealing with negativity online can be tough, which was why we were all ears when Tim Ferriss, author of The Four Hour Work Week, took the stage at The Next Web '10 event in Amsterdam to discuss how to learn to love haters. 

While Mashable recently offered you advice on how to deal with negative feedback specifically in the social media realm, Ferriss takes the concept a step further with advice on how to contend with — and benefit from — criticism across all platforms. 

We caught up with Ferriss backstage at the event to find out more about his seven principles for dealing with haters. 

Read on for some interesting ideas and let us know which work for you — as well as your own strategies — in the comments below. 

1. It doesn't matter how many people don't get it. What matters is how many people do.

"It's critical in social media, as in life, to have a clear objective and not to lose sight of that," Ferriss says. He argues that if your objective is to do the greatest good for the greatest number of people or to change the world in some small way (be it through a product or service), you only need to pick your first 1,000 fans — and carefully. "As long as you're accomplishing your objectives, that 1,000 will lead to a cascading effect," Ferriss explains. "The 10 million that don't get it don't matter." 

2. 10% of people will find a way to take anything personally. Expect it.

"People are least productive in reactive mode," Ferriss states, before explaining that if you are expecting resistance and attackers, you can choose your response in advance, as opposed to reacting inappropriately. This, Ferriss says, will only multiply the problem. "Online I see people committing 'social media suicide' all the time by one of two ways. Firstly by responding to all criticism, meaning you're never going to find time to complete important milestones of your own, and by responding to things that don't warrant a response." This, says Ferriss, lends more credibility by driving traffic. 

3. "Trying to get everyone to like you is a sign of mediocrity." (Colin Powell)

"If you treat everyone the same and respond to everyone by apologizing or agreeing, you're not going to be recognizing the best performers, and you're not going to be improving the worst performers," Ferriss says. "That guarantees you'll get more behavior you don't want and less you do." That doesn't mean never respond, Ferriss goes on to say, but be "tactical and strategic" when you do. 

4. "If you are really effective at what you do, 95% of the things said about you will be negative." (Scott Boras)

"This principle goes hand-in-hand with number two," Ferriss says. "I actually keep this quote in my wallet because it is a reminder that the best people in almost any field are almost always the people who get the most criticism." The bigger your impact, explains Ferriss (whose book is a New York Times, WSJ and BusinessWeek bestseller), and the larger the ambition and scale of your project, the more negativity you'll encounter. Ferriss jokes he has haters "in about 35 languages."

5. "If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." (Epictetus)

"Another way to phrase this is through a more recent quote from Elbert Hubbard," Ferriss says. "'To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing." Ferriss, who holds a Guinness World Record for the most consecutive tango spins, says he has learned to enjoy criticism over the years. Ferriss, using Roman philosophy to expand on his point, says: "Cato, who Seneca believed to be the perfect stoic, practiced this by wearing darker robes than was customary and by wearing no tunic. He expected to be ridiculed and he was, he did this to train himself to only be ashamed of those things that are truly worth being ashamed of. To do anything remotely interesting you need to train yourself to be effective at dealing with, responding to, even enjoying criticism... In fact, I would take the quote a step further and encourage people to actively pursue being thought foolish and stupid." 

6. "Living well is the best revenge." (George Herbert)

"The best way to counter-attack a hater is to make it blatantly obvious that their attack has had no impact on you," Ferriss advises. "That, and [show] how much fun you're having!" Ferriss goes on to say that the best revenge is letting haters continue to live with their own resentment and anger, which most of the time has nothing to do with you in particular. "If a vessel contains acid and you pour some on an object, it's still the vessel that sustains the most damage," Ferriss says. "Don't get angry, don't get even — focus on living well and that will eat at them more than anything you can do."

7. Keep calm and carry on.

The slogan "Keep Calm and Carry On" was originally produced by the British government during the Second World War as a propaganda message to comfort people in the face of Nazi invasion. Ferriss takes the message and applies it to today's world. "Focus on impact, not approval. If you believe you can change the world, which I hope you do, do what you believe is right and expect resistance and expect attackers," Ferriss concludes. "Keep calm and carry on!"

http://mashable.com/2010/04/29/deal-with-haters-tim-ferriss/#BZo1i9dPP8qP