Keep Moving Forward Anyway

There are times like now when I wonder how to respond. When there's no explanation for what has taken place. I'm left wondering, without answers, not even knowing the right questions to ask. Situations like these are littered throughout life.

At some point we must ask, 'What is the point?'

What is the point of despair? What is the point of it, Lord? To keep moving hopefully forward anyway. 'What point is there, son, to stay in the place of powerlessness or pity? I can do more in you as you bear your pain hopefully, choosing to trust I am still, and always, in control,' says my Lord, 'Keep moving forward, anyway.'

The pain won't kill you...

but it will help you to grow...

if you keep moving forward.

What about betrayal? 'Well,' says God, 'You've done it too, haven't you? Do you not all have the capacity to let people down?' Why, yes, Lord, is the sound of my response. I have certainly betrayed others. You mean they felt like I do now. It never felt nice. 'So,' says God, 'can you just keep moving forward anyway? I'll forgive your lapses into feeling hurt, as long as you'll endeavour to come back to the peace you can only get from me.' God, you're so good.

Disappointment and rejection, well they're just the pits. And yet, in this world there will be times we don't get our way, so many we should expect them to occur. Why are we so shocked? 'Son, why do you expect everything to work out well in this fallen world? Plan for the best, but expect the worst, and you'll be ready, come what may,' says God.

If disappointment can't knock you off course...

and rejection doesn't reset your identity...

you will recover, and you will endure.

What about these addictive traits of mine, Lord, will You ever heal them? 'Oh, my son, as you trust in feeling your pain, in the truth I've given you from eternity, you will overcome,' says God, 'and continue being honest, for in honesty is healing, and in healing is hope.'

'Do you get the idea yet, my son? Keep moving forward, and you'll get My work done.'

There is a purpose beyond the pain, a justice beyond the travesty, a love beyond the fear, and we will see all these and more, if we just keep moving forward.

This is all about taking the Lord's side and remembering that in taking our own side we choose wrong.

It seems counterintuitive to go against ourselves, but to bear the pain of reality whilst we keep moving forward is the greatest wisdom.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Keep-Moving-Forward-Anyway&id=9999696

The Day I Was Declined A Job Because I Was Passionate About It (By Suzanne Zacharia)

The day I was declined a job for which I was very passionate was one day when my self-esteem plummeted to a new low. Don't let it happen to you. Different bosses look for different qualities, often based upon their own flaws and insecurities.

That boss was not ready for my answer when he asked why I would make the best salesperson in his team. I simply said that as a single mother of two young children in a nationwide recession, I was passionate about earning money for my children and passionate about giving them a good life, and so I was passionate about selling for the company and would not stop till I exceeded my targets.

I overlooked a few factors which now are screaming out their visibility to me. I look at them now smiling, my own boss for 15 years, as well as having done EFT tapping to let go of the trauma. So, what did I miss? Well, for starters, the only females in the whole company were the receptionist and the low-paid lady who typed up stuff for the salesmen. The most obvious factor was when the would-be boss asked me in the interview whether I was single and planned to have more children. Of course, these days it is illegal to ask such a discriminatory question. However, I did answer that I was sterilised and had no desire to increase the burden on providing for my children and every desire to give them the best life I could, which is why I was at this interview.

The interview was for a salesperson. I could sell because I thought first and foremost of my children and their needs. I had not as yet learned the technique where you find out what the buyer wants and then sell it to them. But that was an easy technique to learn, and that would-be boss could have taught it to me in half a day's training, just like the one after him did, where I became world famous for my sales. I was not number 1 but consistently number 2 or 3 salesperson in a large sales organisation, so I guess I was pretty good. The only thing that stopped me for beating Mr Number 1 was conscience. We sold advertising that hardly anyone got to see to very small businesses, and my conscience would not allow me to take from a business by deceit what the small business owner could not afford to lose.

It took about 6 sessions of self-EFT to get over that job rejection. I wish I had learned EFT before going to that interview. EFT, short for Emotional Freedom Techniques, does just that, using a mixture of easy self-acupressure and releasing wording. Then I would have gotten up and told the would-be boss that he was a sexist thing that could not be described as a pig, because pigs can be nice, and then walked away with my self-esteem intact. There was no way he would have employed me anyway, He only employed male salespeople.

As a result of the plummeting self-esteem thing, I ended up taking a job which paid considerably less. I now run my own business and only take on passionate people who can convince me why they are passionate about the work and my company. The rest is down to the job of being a boss, part of which is good training.

https://ezinearticles.com/?The-Day-I-Was-Declined-A-Job-Because-I-Was-Passionate-About-It&id=9771171

Where Does Anger Come From?

Many people ask: where does anger come from? The answer is not as complicated as the complexities involved in managing anger.

Anger comes from our natural and instinctive desire to protect ourselves. When we get angry, we are usually responding to fear or a perceived lack of control. Anger is a basic defense mechanism and it usually shows up when we are being rejected, attacked, threatened or faced with something for which we are not prepared.

Different things trigger anger for different people. What makes you angry might not make your neighbor angry. That's because you are impacted by a different set of threats than your neighbor.

Knowing that anger is the body and the psyche's way of protecting itself will help you identify particular triggers for your own anger.

Rejection

Getting rejected is an obvious trigger for anger. If you are wondering where does anger come from, think about how you felt the last time you didn't get a job you thought you interviewed well for.

Think about a relationship that didn't work out, or a divorce or any other time that you felt excluded or left out. Feeling angry over any of those scenarios is natural. The anger can cover up other emotional responses, such as insecurity or a loss of self esteem.

Anyone would prefer to feel angry instead of unloved or undesired. When you start to feel angry after a rejection, acknowledge those feelings and immediately try to do something that makes you feel supported and loved.

Hang out with old friends, visit a parent who always has a kind word or do something you know you're good at.

Attack

Getting attacked physically will often inspire an immediate defensive reaction, as well as anger. If someone hurts you for no apparent reason, you are expected to get mad and your initial response might be to strike back.

The anger that flares up as soon as someone tries to do you harm is there for your own protection. When your physical safety is at risk, you need a little extra adrenaline to fuel your emotional response.

Even if the attack is not physical, you will feel angry. If someone attacks your idea or unfairly criticizes something you've done, you will feel angry and want to fight back. Standing up for yourself is a natural and appropriate way to express yourself.

It's a good way to respond to anger. Fighting back in excessive ways will not help you feel any better, however. Use your anger to defend yourself when you need to, but don't let that anger swell and lead you to unnecessary physical aggression.

Lack of Control

Everyone likes to feel some sort of control over their lives, so when that control is absent, anger might show up.

Something simple that you cannot control such as a canceled flight might make you mad, as will a major life event such as a serious illness in your family or the loss of a job.

Your anger might lead you to yelling, blaming others and acting out in ways that are less than productive. Since you know where the anger comes from, take a moment to step back from it and realize that getting mad is not going to give you any additional control over an already challenging situation.

There are other emotional responses you can call upon that are more positive than anger. First, try acceptance.

Acknowledge that you have been threatened or rejected. Accept that you do not have control over everything that happens to you; only over how you respond to those events.

You can choose to talk through the causes of your anger or express your anger through writing, painting, running or re-decorating your house. Find something that makes you feel better, and your anger will eventually leave you.

Now you know the answer to "where does anger come from," so it's up to you to use that knowledge. Understanding that you feel anger in order to protect yourself and defend yourself against a perceived threat will help you deal with your anger better.

You can identify what triggers your angry response and utilize all of your skills, talents and knowledge to express and release that anger in ways that will not cause further harm

https://ezinearticles.com/?Where-Does-Anger-Come-From?&id=7799393

Fear Doesn't Get to Win, and Pain Is Only Temporary (By Julie Martino)

Let me start by saying I've been called psycho or crazy for my radical beliefs all my life. So, if you feel you need to join the ranks of those who say such things, good for you - but they aren't going to upset or affect me. My words are for those who understand and need to hear what I'm saying.

I've lived through basically everything. In one form or another, I've experienced it all. I've been the misfit in the back of the room hoping no one notices me. I've been the popular leader feeling the pressure of everyone counting on me. I've led teams, and I've been the laborer.

I've endure abuse, verbal and emotional strain, loss, rejection, despair, depression, hope and fear.

I've experienced the loss of a child, through a still birth. Divorce through a broken alcoholic filled marriage. And raising numerous children through less than stellar circumstances.

I've known financial windfalls and deep down falls. I've carried my own house, paid for private schools, and also known the welfare line and food pantries.

And I'm here to tell you - it's ALL survivable!

Whatever you are going through today. Whatever wall seems to be looming in front of you. Whatever 'impossible' thing you feel you are enduring - you'll make it through!

Television, newspapers, people, politicians, every day people focus on fear and how hard things are - there's no way - it's impossible - it's gonna hurt - it's gonna be hard.

Yeah, it will be. And you'll sweat. And you'll cry. And you'll hurt.

But you WILL survive!!

And you will be STRONGER!

And you will LEARN!

You'll get past this and discover a strength in yourself you never knew you had, but better than that - you'll LEARN about yourself and life and choices so that you can do better from here on out.

This really will pass - and you will triumph in life! Keep going! Don't EVER give up on YOU!!!

Told you I was radical. But it's what you needed to hear. In the midst of all the daily stress and pressures of life, someone needs to be the voice in the crowd crying out - It'll be OK!

And that's me. Your personal cheerleader. I know you hurt. I know it feels too heavy. I know you've been here before and you hate it and you wish it would all just stop. You're gonna make it. You can do this. I BELIEVE IN YOU!! You're tougher than you think you are and you can endure.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Fear-Doesnt-Get-to-Win,-and-Pain-Is-Only-Temporary&id=8408040

Whose Champion Are You?

When you think of being a champion, what comes to mind? Do you think of winning a competition or earning a title? Do you imagine being awarded a trophy or title and receiving the accolades of an adoring crowd? Let's add two more words and see how the image of champion changes. When you think of being a champion for someone, what comes to mind? Where does the focus go? Who notices? What is the "win"?

At a recent workshop with educators, the focus of our discussions turned to the need of every child to have a champion who believes in them and provides the supports they need until they can believe in themselves. Many kids and teens have been so hurt by their experiences in the world that they react with anger and resist the efforts of those who try to help them. These young people seem to be determined to recreate the abandonment, rejection, and disillusionment that have been their experience in the world. Teachers spoke of their emotional stress as they try to create meaningful connections with these hurting youths and continually experience defiance, hostile resistance, and even volatile eruptions.

Consider the unspoken message in the response of one young man to his teacher when she tried to reach through his anger to let him know how much she cared: "Why should I? You're just going to leave like all the others." His experience was that no one stayed. Teachers didn't stay. His parents were in jail. He had no one but his elderly grandma. When he pushed back against his teacher's attempts to connect with him, he was trying to recreate what he had previously experienced. He needed someone to see him beyond his anger, through the bristling protective shield he had erected, to the young man reacting from a place of emotional pain and needing to be loved, crying out for someone to believe in him no matter what. He needed her to be his champion - to believe in him and to love him unconditionally until he could begin to love and believe in himself.

Who do you know that needs a champion? Who has a gruff, keep-everyone-away layer on the outside that hides the tender being inside? Who reacts and acts out because their life experiences have hurt them so much? Who needs someone to see beneath the layers of hurt and fear to who they really are? There are those who use words to cry out for help; there are even more whose actions and ways of being in the world express their need to be loved and for someone to truly see and believe in them. From a surface view, their actions and ways of being push people away, but look closer to find the beautiful being hidden beneath layers of self-protective anger and hostility. Bristles on the outside speak of broken trust and lack of hope on the inside. Anger and attack speak of inner hurt and disillusionment. Beneath whose protective layers can you see?

There are also those who don't speak or act out to express their need for a champion. They suffer in quiet isolation. Don't assume that because someone is alone that solitude is their desired state of being or that because someone doesn't express their need that it doesn't exist. Everyone needs someone to care, to truly see them and believe in them until they can love and believe in themselves.

Who do you know that needs a champion? Whose inner being do you sense in spite of external appearances? How might you show that you recognize the hidden cry for recognition and affirmation? How might you show that you see and care, in spite of what appears to push away, attack, or be self-sufficient? Whose cry to be seen and loved do you see or hear?

Think back to the young man's words: "Why should I? You're just going to leave like all the others." His teacher tried to show she cared, and he reacted - not the way she hoped, but in a way that expressed his inner hurt. Can she recognize the underlying message and not give up? He will try to push away and recreate what he has experienced. Why should he trust? Why should he believe? But, if she holds onto her inner knowing about him and shows up every day to be his champion, in time, he will begin to let the protective walls down and let her in. In time, her belief in him will translate to his own ability to believe in himself. It won't happen overnight just as his hurt wasn't a one-time occurrence. He needs her to truly see him through the anger and hostility and to keep seeing him through the defences he has erected in self-protection. He needs her to be his champion until he can be his own.

If these words are resonating within you, you already know or sense someone who needs a champion. Will you be like so many others who have responded to what is visible on the outside and backed away, or will you be the one who can see through the outer expressions that seem to say "stay away" to the precious being who is crying out to truly be seen? Trust your inner knowing and be someone's champion. Who will notice? The one who truly matters - the one whom you see. What is the "win"? Something beyond measure by the standards of the outer world - the opening and blossoming of one who has been hiding behind walls of hurt.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Whose-Champion-Are-You?&id=9597381

How To Accept Rejection

We learn at an early age that we don't get everything we want. In other words, we have had to deal with rejection since childhood. This makes you think that people accept rejection easily. However, the exact opposite is usually true.

People start to develop an invisible shield against rejection. They may show anger or resentment to the people who are serving up the rejection. But, in many cases, it can show who is resilient and who is likely to continue until they get what they want.

No one likes to hear negative comments about themselves. People take it personally. However, knowing the reason for rejection can help change your direction. You can correct the aspects that made people reject you in the first place.

This won't work with everything. For instance, if a person you are attracted to does not return the favor, it may be difficult or impossible to turn this around. Then again, there are numerous stories of people who persevered even when they were rejected time and again, and won the love of their lives.

Another instance where you may face rejection is during a job interview. Many candidates will pass this off as incompetence on the part of the interviewer, and there are certainly cases where this is true. But, you should always try to evaluate the reasons why the interviewer did not choose you. You'd be surprised at how few people even ask for the reasons. Interviewers won't typically volunteer this information. Many will feel you don't care if you don't ask.

In many cases, rejection is not personal. You may not have the necessary skills when seeking a job, or you may not have enough experience, etc. In other cases, it may be somewhat personal, but it may be in your best interest to get rejected. For instance, if you don't have an aggressive personality, do you want to pursue a career that requires one? If you are in sales, you need to have this driving personality to succeed.

Finally, use rejection to your benefit. People who accept rejection and don't give up are usually the ones who eventually get that acceptance. Sometimes, the very fact that you are persevering is what turns the tables from rejection to acceptance. Who is to say that next opportunity is not the one that will accept you? You won't know unless you continue on your quest.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Accept-Rejection&id=9585849

Five Steps To Move Toward Your Dreams

A few years ago, I watched the movie CASTAWAY starring Tom Hanks. The movie was about a man named Chuck Noland, a FedEx systems engineer whose ruled-by-the-clock existence abruptly ended when a harrowing plane crash left him isolated on a remote Island, struggling to survive. It took Chuck four years to realize no one was coming to rescue him. One day he decided to build a boat and take a risk to get off the Island. It was do or die time for him. He realized if he remained on that Island he would eventually die. He also knew if he tried to leave, he could risk dying at sea. He took a chance. He decided to risk his life before he remained stranded.

Many of us have been castaway to an Island that we do not want to remain on. Yet, we are too afraid to leave because we do not know if we will succeed. Maybe that Island is a dead end job, a toxic relationship, friendship or habit.

For me, it was becoming an author. For years I wrote books, poems, and short stories, then I would let them collect dust. It was only after I recovered from an illness that I decided, like Chuck Noland, it was time to get off my Island.

Maybe you have a dream you want to fulfil but everyone is telling you that you're not qualified. Maybe you want to submit a manuscript to a publisher, go back to school, or start a business, but fear of failure, rejection, and criticism are impeding you. Whatever it may be, you can do it!

Here are five steps to get started.

1. First, realize that no one is coming to rescue you. If you want to achieve anything, YOU, will have to put in the hard work. The daydream that something or someone will save you from the hard work, or rescue you from your current situation is just that-a dream. No one can get you off of your island, but you.

2. Sketch out your boat. Write down your dreams. Outline what you need to do to achieve your goals.The purpose of this is to have a vision of what it is you want to do and achieve.

3. Gather your supplies and start building your boat. Place your goals in short and long term categories. Doing so will help you not to become overwhelmed, and not take on things that may be unrealistic for now. Remember, rarely does things happen overnight. Sometimes, it's the thousands of tiny baby steps that will get you to the bigger goal. It is good to start small and conquer the short term goals. Short term goals are the things you can do now to begin pursuing your dream. If you feel clueless, do some research and get the facts. Do whatever you have to do in order to learn. Maybe you can read a book on something you are interested in. Maybe there is a class you can take. Maybe you can walk a half mile. Maybe you can write a chapter of a manuscript. Whatever, you decide- start small.

4. Continue to work on and perfect your boat. If you do not reach goals, don't give up and don't quit. Continue to revise your goals and move toward them.MOST IMPORTANTLY, lose the naysayers and find mentors and people who support you.

5. Use others success as motivation and inspiration, but never copy someone else. Copying someone else's brand is like taking a medicine that wasn't prescribe for you and expecting it to cure you. You have to follow your own authentic path and be who you are. You need to find your own voice. Being who you are is what brands you and makes you different.

Remember, the only failure is not trying at all. So what are you waiting on? Start building your boat today. A boat is your plans, goals, and steps you will take to get there. You have everything within you to get off of your Island and succeed!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Five-Steps-To-Move-Toward-Your-Dreams&id=9530478

6 Ways To Deal With Rejection Positively

It is pretty much a given that all of us will have to face a lot of rejection, criticism and even ridicule at different times in our lives. If it is constant and happens for a long time, eventually it will lead to a situation where we start doubting our worth and our capabilities.

For people with low self esteem this is an even more grave issue as they may stop believing in themselves much sooner and thereby harm their prospects in the future. Even for people who have reasonable self confidence, getting criticized and ridiculed over and over again will sooner or later dent their self worth.

So what can one do in order to keep marching on despite ridicule and rejection? Well here are six tips that can be immensely useful.

1) Realize that there is a difference between facts and opinions.

A lot of things people say are opinions rather than facts. The difference between the two is that facts are universal, they hold true no matter what the condition. While an opinion is subject, it differs from person to person.

For example – The Earth is round is a fact (Even if you are a flat Earther!) Whether a person is good looking or not is an opinion.

Earth being round is a fact and it will continue being so until it is destroyed.

On the other hand if someone thinks you are not good looking, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you aren’t. Maybe you are attractive to another person or in a different culture.

Most of the problems people will have with you will be based on opinions not facts. Don’t let them bog you down.

2) Try to understand why the other person thinks the way they think.

Sometimes we confuse our own opinions with facts. We think that just because something is right in our opinion, everyone else should agree with it. Not the case.

You have to be willing to see things from the point of view of the other person. Sometimes you have to realize you don’t fit in with the other person’s needs and you don’t have to take it personally.

Suppose you get rejected for an interview, try and get feedback. Also ask yourself whether you would truly hire someone like yourself. Do you truly fit in with the needs of the company? Most of the times you will realize there is a discrepancy between would be the company needs and what you are giving them.

But maybe a different company is looking for exactly what you are able to give them. Don’t take things personally, keep moving forward!

3) Remind yourself of all the things you are good at.

Einstein once said that if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will go through its entire life thinking its stupid.

The main cause of people suffering from low self confidence which lowers further with ridicule or criticism is that they are only focusing on things that are not their strengths. Look, the fact is you can’t be great at everything, in fact you will probably suck at most things. But that doesn’t mean you are a failure because there are always a few things in the world which you are supremely talented at.

There is always one thing where you are the Guru and even the Gurus of the other fields will look up to you when it comes to that thing. When you introspect and find out that thing at which you are amazing, you will realize how special you are. You are immensely blessed!

4) Ask people to clarify why they rejected you.

This is one of the best ways in order to differentiate between facts and opinions. If someone’s logic for saying no to you is not valid, it will be evident with the kind of reasoning they use. If all they are making is excuses, they will not have a single valid concrete reason for saying no. If their reasoning does not make sense, there is no point to feel bad about it because they are saying no based on opinions not facts

If they have a valid answer, it is actually useful to you. Sometimes the brutal honest answer may even end up hurting you, but if it’s based on facts, correct it. If not, reject it. If you improve yourself based on the facts you hear, it will be incredibly useful to you in the future, even if it is not particularly present to hear in the present!

5) Stop Over thinking!

Once you have understood the reality of the situation and differentiated between what is true and what is not, you need to move on. Do not keep thinking about it or focusing on it beyond the point where the situation was under control or you were receiving valuable feedback. The more you give unnecessary attention to it, the worse the cycle of rumination will get. You may even fall into a cycle of depression if you don’t snap out of it quickly enough.

If you can move on quickly without wasting time on over thinking, you can then focus on productive things that will actually pay off in the future. Remember, that getting feedback and then taking action to correct the problem may help solve it but over thinking only complicates problems, it never solves them. Refocus on something else and don’t waste your time dwelling on negativity.

6) Realize that one can make you feel horrible or depressed unless you give them the power to do so.

Anything said by someone else is simply an arrangement of words and words do not mean anything unless you decide you want to give importance to what is being said. When you allow meaningless words to get inside your brain and choose to give importance to them, it is only then they can start bothering you and make you feel depressed. However, you can also consciously choose to deflect them and move on with your life.

Some of the most influential personalities have been humiliated and rejected. Edison was called mentally inept. Oprah Winfrey was called unfit for television. Amitabh Bachchan, the famous Bollywood actor was told that his voice sucked. Today it is his distinct deep voice that sets him apart from everyone else. Arnold Schwarzenegger was told, his accent was too weird. But he gained much attention in popular culture because of the same accent.

All of these people turned the attacks into them into motivation to prove their critics wrong and succeed. And succeed amazingly they did!

Conclusion.

I hope you have gained some useful information for this piece. Analyze what’s said and if they seem to be true then use that as useful information and make a positive change.

If they are mere opinions with no basis in reality or could differ from person to person, then ignore them and move on in the right direction with a determination to prove your critics wrong.

Finally, if there is one thing you should always keep in mind is that the world remembers the doors, not the people who threw stones at them.

Use people’s stones to build your staircase to success. Let them do what they do best, while you do what you do best. They will waste their time going green with jealousy while you shine in your success.

They will be forgotten, while the rest of the world will begin to look up to you. Remember that  one can pull you down when you are truly determined to climb high!

So what are you waiting for? Go create your  history!

http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/six-ways-to-deal-with-rejection-positively/

3 Common Causes of Insecurity and How to Beat Them

15 tools to help you bounce back when you're feeling down about yourself.

Do you find yourself feeling filled with self-doubt and short on confidence? Despite your accomplishments, do you feel like a fraud destined to be exposed? Do you feel that you don’t deserve lasting love and that partners will inevitably leave you? Do you stay at home, afraid to venture out and meet new people because you don’t feel you have enough to offer? Do you feel overweight, boring, stupid, guilty, or ugly?

Most of us feel insecure sometimes, but some of us feel insecure most of the time. The kind of childhood you had, past traumas, recent experiences of failure or rejection, loneliness, social anxiety, negative beliefs about yourself, perfectionism, or having a critical parent or partner can all contribute to insecurity. Following are the 3 most common forms—and how to begin to cope with them.

Type 1: Insecurity Based on Recent Failure or Rejection

Recent events in our lives can greatly affect both our mood and the way we feel about ourselves. Research on happiness suggests that up to 40% of our “happiness quotient” is based on recent life events. The biggest negative contributor to happiness is the ending of a relationship, followed by the death of a spouse, job loss, and negative health events. Since unhappiness also influences your self-esteem, failure and rejection can deliver a double whammy to your confidence. In his book Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure and Other Everyday Hurts, Psychology Today blogger Guy Winch states that rejection inevitably leads us to see both ourselves and other people more negatively, at least for a time. And those of us who have lower self-esteem to begin with are more reactive to failure. It’s as if an experience like losing your job grabs old negative beliefs about your self-worth and activates them. It may help to understand that failure is a nearly ubiquitous experience: Before becoming president, Abraham Lincoln lost his job, was defeated for nomination to Congress, and failed at least twice in Senate bids. Persevering despite setbacks can lead to eventual successes—which raise your self-esteem.

Below are some tools you can use to overcome failure- or rejection-based insecurity:

1. Give yourself time to heal and adapt to the new normal.
2. Get out and engage with life, following your interests and curiosity.
3. Reach out to friends and family for distraction and comfort.
4. Get feedback from people you trust.
5. Persevere and keep moving towards your goals.
6. Be willing to try a different strategy if necessary.

Type 2: Lack of Confidence Because of Social Anxiety

Many of us experience a lack of confidence in social situations like parties, family gatherings, interviews, and dates. The fear of being evaluated by others—and found to be lacking—can lead you to feel anxious and self-conscious. As a result, you may avoid social situations, experience anxiety when you anticipate social events, or feel self-conscious and uncomfortable during them. Past experience can feed your sense of not belonging, not feeling important or interesting, or just not being good enough. Many of my clients describe how being bullied or excluded from a group of friends in middle school or high school continues to negatively affect their confidence as adults. If you grew up with critical parents, or parents who pressured you to be popular and successful, you may also be over-sensitized to how others perceive you. This type of insecurity is generally based on distorted beliefs about your self-worth—and about the extent to which other people are evaluating you. Most of the time, people are more focused on how they are coming across than on judging others. Those who do judge and exclude are often covering up insecurities of their own and so their opinions may be less than accurate; they may value superficial attributes instead of character and integrity.

Below are some tools to combat insecurity in social situations:

1. Talk back to your inner critic. Remind yourself of all the reasons that you can be interesting and fun or would be a good friend or partner.
2. Prepare in advance. Think of some things you can talk about—current events, movies you’ve seen, hobbies, your job, or your family.
3. Avoiding social situation just makes things worse. So go to a party or on a date even if you're nervous. Your anxiety should decrease once you get engaged with others—if not the first or second time, then once you get used to showing up.
4. Set yourself a limited, realistic goal like talking to two new people or finding out more about one person’s work and hobbies.  
5. Deliberately focus on others to combat intense self-focus. Put on your observer hat and notice what other people seem to be feeling and doing. Do you notice any similarities or skills you can learn from them?

Type 3: Insecurity Driven by Perfectionism

Some of us have very high standards for everything we do. You may want the highest grades, the best job, the perfect figure, the most beautifully decorated apartment or house, neat and polite kids, or the ideal partner. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always turn out exactly the way we want, even if we work extra hard. There is a piece of the outcome that is at least to some degree out of our control. Bosses may be critical, jobs may be scarce, partners may resist commitment, or you may have genes that make it difficult to be skinny. If you are constantly disappointed and blaming yourself for being anything less than perfect, you will start to feel insecure and unworthy. While trying your best and working hard can give you an advantage, other aspects of perfectionism that are unhealthy. Beating up on yourself and constantly worrying about not being good enough can lead to depression and anxiety, eating disorders, or chronic fatigue.

Below are some ways to combat perfectionism:

1. Try to evaluate yourself based on how much effort you put in, which is controllable, rather than on the outcome, which is dependent on external factors.  
2. Think about how much difference it would actually make if your work were 10 percent better. Would the time and energy spent in checking and re-checking or answering every email really be worth it?
3. Perfectionism is often based on all- or nothing thinking, so try to find the grey areas. Is there a more compassionate or understanding way to view a situation? Are you taking your circumstances into account when you evaluate yourself? Is there something you learned or achieved even if the end result wasn’t perfect?
4. Perfectionists often have conditional self-esteem: They like themselves when they are on top and dislike themselves when things don't go their way. Can you learn to like yourself even when you are not doing well? Focus on inner qualities like your character, sincerity, or good values, rather than just on what grades you get, how much you get paid, or how many people like you. 
    www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201512/3-common-causes-insecurity-and-how-beat-them

WHY REJECTION HURTS SO MUCH — AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

Rejections are the most common emotional wounds we sustain in daily life. Our risk of rejection used to be limited by the size of our immediate social circle or dating pools. Today, thanks to electronic communications, social media platforms and dating apps, each of us is connected to thousands of people, any of whom might ignore our posts, chats, texts, or dating profiles, and leave us feeling rejected as a result.

In addition to these kinds of minor rejections, we are still vulnerable to serious and more devastating rejections as well. When our spouse leaves us, when we get fired from our jobs, snubbed by our friends, or ostracized by our families and communities for our lifestyle choices, the pain we feel can be absolutely paralyzing.

Whether the rejection we experience is large or small, one thing remains constant — it always hurts, and it usually hurts more than we expect it to.

The question is, why? Why are we so bothered by a good friend failing to “like” the family holiday picture we posted on Facebook? Why does it ruin our mood? Why would something so seemingly insignificant make us feel angry at our friend, moody, and bad about ourselves?

The answer is — our brains are wired to respond that way. When scientists placed people in functional MRI machines and asked them to recall a recent rejection, they discovered something amazing. The same areas of our brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain. That’s why even small rejections hurt more than we think they should, because they elicit literal (albeit, emotional) pain.

But why is our brain wired this way?

Evolutionary psychologists believe it all started when we were hunter gatherers who lived in tribes. Since we could not survive alone, being ostracized from our tribe was basically a death sentence. As a result, we developed an early warning mechanism to alert us when we were at danger of being “kicked off the island” by our tribe-mates — and that was rejection. People who experienced rejection as more painful were more likely to change their behavior, remain in the tribe, and pass along their genes.

Of course, emotional pain is only one of the ways rejections impact our well-being. Rejections also damage our mood and our self-esteem, they elicit swells of anger and aggression, and they destabilize our need to “belong.”

Unfortunately, the greatest damage rejection causes is usually self-inflicted. Indeed, our natural response to being dumped by a dating partner or getting picked last for a team is not just to lick our wounds but to become intensely self-critical. We call ourselves names, lament our shortcomings, and feel disgusted with ourselves. In other words, just when our self-esteem is hurting most, we go and damage it even further. Doing so is emotionally unhealthy and psychologically self-destructive yet every single one of us has done it at one time or another.

The good news is there are better and healthier ways to respond to rejection, things we can do to curb the unhealthy responses, soothe our emotional pain and rebuild our self-esteem. Here are just some of them:

Have Zero Tolerance for Self-Criticism

Tempting as it might be to list all your faults in the aftermath of a rejection, and natural as it might seem to chastise yourself for what you did “wrong” — don’t! By all means review what happened and consider what you should do differently in the future, but there is absolutely no good reason to be punitive and self-critical while doing so. Thinking, “I should probably avoid talking about my ex on my next first date,” is fine. Thinking, “I’m such a loser!” is not.

Another common mistake we make is to assume a rejection is personal when it’s not. Most rejections, whether romantic, professional, and even social, are due to “fit” and circumstance. Going through an exhaustive search of your own deficiencies in an effort to understand why it didn’t “work out” is not only unnecessarily but misleading.

Revive Your Self-Worth

When your self-esteem takes a hit it’s important to remind yourself of what you have to offer (as opposed to listing your shortcomings). The best way to boost feelings of self-worth after a rejection is to affirm aspects of yourself you know are valuable. Make a list of five qualities you have that are important or meaningful — things that make you a good relationship prospect (e.g., you are supportive or emotionally available), a good friend (e.g., you are loyal or a good listener), or a good employee (e.g., you are responsible or have a strong work ethic). Then choose one of them and write a quick paragraph or two (write, don’t just do it in your head) about why the quality matters to others, and how you would express it in the relevant situation. Applying emotional first aid in this way will boost your self-esteem, reduce your emotional pain and build your confidence going forward.

Boost Feelings of Social Connection

As social animals, we need to feel wanted and valued by the various social groups with which we are affiliated. Rejection destabilizes our need to belong, leaving us feeling unsettled and socially untethered. Therefore, we need to remind ourselves that we’re appreciated and loved so we can feel more connected and grounded. If your work colleagues didn’t invite you to lunch, grab a drink with members of your softball team instead. If your kid gets rejected by a friend, make a plan for them to meet a different friend instead and as soon as possible. And when a first date doesn’t return your texts, call your grandparents and remind yourself that your voice alone brings joy to others.

Rejection is never easy but knowing how to limit the psychological damage it inflicts, and how to rebuild your self-esteem when it happens, will help you recover sooner and move on with confidence when it is time for your next date or social event.

http://ideas.ted.com/why-rejection-hurts-so-much-and-what-to-do-about-it/

THE 

3 Ways to Keep Moving Through Hell

Many times, when we start to chase after our goals and desires, we inevitably face challenges in the form of rejection and failure. For example, in your quest to find a job, that special someone, or a dream, you might find yourself failing many, many times.

When all you have faced so far is failure along your journey, and all you have seen is an unending stream of disappointments, it is very easy to expect failure at your next try. As a result, you may even stop trying altogether, throwing up your hands in despair and quitting.

As Viktor Frankl said, despair is suffering without meaning. Give meaning to your suffering and remove despair from the equation.

Challenges Are Just Opportunities

You will constantly encounter barriers and challenges along your journey. Rather than fret and stress over each challenge, treat them as opportunities for learning something new. That way, when you don’t get what you wanted, it will feel less like rejection and failure. Every opportunity is a chance to improve upon yourself and increase your chances of success the next go-around.

Astute readers will notice that I just suggested reframing the situation to be positive. For example, instead of looking at the next challenge as a cruel joke from Fate, reframe the situation to say that it is a chance for you to work on freeing yourself of the victim mentality. After all, you are ultimately responsible for the situation, even if it is seemingly out of your hands. It’s always easier to blame the situation or person for your current stake in life. Instead of rallying against what is impossible or unfair, focus your time and energy on what you can change. You will find that you start to see things free of your ego, objectively instead of subjectively in the third-person, that you are more able to dispassionately judge the situation and make decisions on what could be wrong so as to provide a solution.

Now, that’s what I call turning a negative into a positive!

Take a Break

You really can try too hard sometimes and end up embittered and sore from the whole experience, especially after weeks and months of constantly racking up losses with little, if any, wins to show for it. It’s time to get away from it all for a little while. Take a mini vacation out of town for the weekend and forget about your problems. Treat yourself to something nice, like a gourmet meal or a massage. Buy yourself that toy or outfit you’ve been eying for months.

In other words, relax your body and your mind! If you have been pondering about a situation, the answers will often come when you least expect them. If you have been trying to get a job or find a significant other, it’s time to release that stress, desperation, bitterness, and anger that may have gripped you, subconsciously leaking out during your interviews and interactions.

Preventative care is often the best medicine. After all, you only have so much willpower in reserve. You only can take so much rejection and failure before it breaks you. The trick then is to find your own breaking point and stop before you ever reach it. It takes time and experience to recognize the signs. When you start to see the signs, it’s time to step back, take a break, and relax a little bit.

Be Outcome Independent

Part of chasing after your dreams and going after what you want is to accept that failure is a part of the equation. Failure is just another way for you to learn and provides many of life’s valuable lessons. While it does often hurt, we come out of it stronger and better for it. The thin line that separates those who find success from those who do not are how they view and recover from failures.

Wayne Gretskey famously noted that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. So, take a chance! Tell yourself that there is no certainty, only opportunity. Think of it this way: Every accomplishment in your life began with a decision to try.

A successful person has oftentimes failed much more than the person who gives up easily. That person learns that failure is part of the road to success and learns how to learn from those rejections and those failures. He or she also rebounds faster from the latest setbacks and keeps moving onto the next attempt.

In Closing

The next time you are feeling down and out, remind yourself that you deserve what you are chasing. You are worthy of living your dreams and having a fulfilled life. You have to first believe with overwhelming faith that it will be (rather than likely or possible, believe that it will happen!) before you can start to manifest it. Kindly remind yourself that challenges are just opportunities, to take a break, and finally to be outcome independent.

http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/motivation-tips/