Why the Idea of "Perfection" Is BS

How many times have you looked at the cover of any men's magazine and thought, "My God, Carmen Electra's just perfect!" - only to immediately deem her out of your league? (Substitute for any model of your choice, if you will.)

Or, if you're a girl, that your body could never be anywhere near as perfect?

I know, right?

Perfection is, pretty much by definition, something unattainable. So why do people keep striving for it?

While everyone may not literally be striving for perfection, we sure do tend to act like it's a real thing, - and then ultimately feel bad about how it's beyond our reach.

I'm willing to bet that 100% of anyone reading this has, at some point in their lives, compared themselves or something they did to someone or something else that they considered perfectly flawless, only, then, to feel imperfect - and, in turn, inferior.

To a certain extent, this is what made me quit playing the guitar. I thought that I could never possibly be as outerwordly gifted as Dimebag Darrell. - And when I tried pushing myself towards his levels of speed, all I got was beginning signs of tenosynovitis!

When we do this to ourselves, we're unconsciously being self-destructive. By holding ourselves to preposterously unfair standards, we fixate ourselves in a sense of inferiority. We get used to thinking of ourselves as being of lesser worth.

What makes this type of thought and behavior downright dangerous is that it's self-affirming: The lesser we think of ourselves, the more we will tend to see perfection anywhere but ourselves, thereby effectively downward-spiraling deeper still into low self-esteem and depression.

"Well, damn. Then what's the good news?" Glad you asked:

The notion of perfection - flawlessness; precise accuracy etc. - doesn't even apply to our daily lives!

Unless you're dealing with geometry or mathematical concepts (even which, for all intents and purposes, are merely principal human constructions), there is no such thing as "perfection".

Now say it with me:

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS "PERFECTION"!

One man's masterpiece is another man's garbage. Even my favorite books, movies, and albums could be improved upon one way or another. Hell, even Carmen Electra probably has some sort of cosmetic flaw or irregularity (of which I wish to remain blissfully unaware).

By and large, "perfection" is an infinity-multiplied notion of one or more positive qualities. - An idealized matter of personal opinion. Which, for the record, does not equal "truth".

However, that doesn't mean that the idea of perfection is utterly useless. On the contrary, we can use perfection as a means of motivation.

When used right, perfection should be considered nothing but a principal ideal to pursue - not to ultimately attain. If we aim for perfection, we can't help but improve a little all the time. It's when we expect perfection that we set ourselves up for failure.

As the saying goes, "Strive for progress, not perfection". Or, as another saying goes, "Aim for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars".

(Whichever you prefer).

Or, as my personal favorite goes:

I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect. I say let's evolve.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Why-the-Idea-of-Perfection-Is-BS&id=9684465

4 Ways to Deal with Obnoxious People

Research-based tips to help you keep your cool, even when you're offended.

You're enjoying a social gathering when someone makes an unwanted comment that causes offense. Is it okay to call the person "obnoxious"?

Psychologists hesitate to use the term because it has no theoretical basis. Terms like that label a person, not a behaviour. For our purposes here, however, we will consider any person or behaviour "obnoxious" when it is deliberately offensive and makes others feel uncomfortable.

People engaging in this behaviour do not self-regulate and so they may blurt out their inner feelings, regardless of the occasion. Here are some other typical examples:

• Someone continually plays pranks on friends, family, and co-workers, and it’s starting to get old. You no longer feel like laughing, nor does anyone else.
• A joker interrupts meetings, family gatherings, or casual conversations with friends to make a stream of witticisms, causing annoyance.
• A person frequently expresses racist, sexist, or ageist opinions in a public setting. Even if no one from the targeted category is present, the remarks offend others.

The University of Arizona’s Elizabeth Focella and colleagues (2015) examined methods to address and correct a biased individual who expresses opinions that offend both those present and the target of the prejudice. By applying some psychology to the situation, you can use the team's findings to foster more harmonious and fulfilling interactions. 

Here, then, are 4 ways to respond to obnoxious people:

1. Understand the source of your annoyance. 
   Consider whether your offense is realistic based on the gravity of the obnoxious behaviour or a response to deep-seated insecurity that you have. Often, we experience "counter transference," used in psycho-dynamic psychotherapy, which distorts our perceptions of others due to our own insecurities. For example, you become enraged at a co-worker who pokes fun at the vacation photo you just put on your desk. The remark was not really that hostile, but it reminds you of your childhood feelings when your brother taunted you.
   
2. Ignore the person or behaviour.
   People are more likely to act in ways that bring them some type of reinforcement. For people who behave in obnoxious ways, that reinforcement may be any form of attention. Is the person just wanting to elicit a reaction from others? Then make a pact with the other people in your group to refrain from laughing or paying any attention to the unwanted comments or actions. Without the desired response, the behaviour may diminish on its own.
   
3. Confront the person.
   Focella and her team noted that direct confrontation can be effective in reducing someone else’s bias. However, for the confrontation to be effective in making the individual back off, we know that it should come from a person other than the target of that bias. For example, you’re a working woman at a group lunch where a man refuses to acknowledge that working women might be good mothers. As a working woman, if you point out the already compelling and still-mounting counter-evidence, you will engender that person’s dislike, extending and perhaps even exacerbating the "debate," and the unpleasantness for all, instead of quelling it. Strictly for the purpose of quieting the offending party, it would potentially be more effective for a non-working mother, or a man, to speak up.
   
4. Preserve the individual’s self-esteem.
   According to Focella and her fellow researchers, people are more likely to change their prejudice if they first feel good about themselves. The Focella team recommends asking “self-affirming” questions of a person who you’re trying to "de-prejudice." For example, in the course of the conversation about working women, give the offending individual the opportunity to talk about what he perceives to be his greatest personal accomplishments. Bumping up an "obnoxious" individual's self-esteem may help him feel less threatened and he may alter his opinion, or at least drop the offending argument, so that everyone can move on.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201505/4-ways-deal-obnoxious-people