ARE YOU CHASING THEM WITH YOUR ENERGY!? Accidental sabotage / Manifest a Specific Person

How To Increase Confidence In Men

Confidence is the key to dating success. As strange as it might seem to guys, what you do for a living, what your interests are and even how you look are all secondary considerations for women. What women really want is a man who is comfortable in his own skin, a man who's happy, capable and self-assured. Self-confidence is extremely sexy to a woman. So how do you show a woman that you're confident?

Don't show off:

Nothing turns a woman off faster than a man gloating about how much money he makes. Bragging about things you own; cars, houses, clothes, and so on, will make you seem self-conscious.

Clean yourself up:

You don't want to be stressed out about body odor when you're talking to a woman. Try out different body washes, antiperspirants and body sprays until you find the right combination that works for you.

Research has backed up the notion that simply smelling great can make men "look" more attractive to women.

Don't talk too much:

Stop trying to top everyone all the time. Instead, ask a lot of questions. This allows you to remain in control and steer the conversation. Needing to dominate every conversation or present oneself as the authority on every subject is a clear sign of insecurity.

Compliment others:

A lot of guys think projecting confidence means drawing attention to themselves and away from others. complimenting others on their appearance, not only indicates that you're a gentleman, but it also subtly communicates that you are in a position to evaluate others.

Maintain eye contact:

When meeting a new person, your eyes say at least as much as your mouth.

Looking someone in the eye comes naturally when you're feeling comfortable and confident,.

Speak clearly:

Don't talk over people or interrupt them, but whenever you're speaking, speak a little louder than you normally would.

Don't be mean:

The first positive thing people typically say after meeting a new person is, "He seems nice. Nice is the first checkpoint you have to pass on the road to friendship, partnership or romance.

Have a sense of humour:

A great sense of humor is the most instant, obvious, magnetic force that makes a woman sense a man's confidence, and therefore feel the first sparks of attraction for him.

By focusing on these steps, the kind of women you want to meet will start sensing that you just might be "Mr. Right."

https://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Increase-Confidence-In-Men&id=9453189

7 Keys to Intimacy - How to Enhance Intimacy in Your Relationship

A relationship is not complete without intimacy. Intimacy is defined as "seeing into me" and it is a very important factor to have a happy and healthy relationship. To build a strong and long-lasting relationship is to understand each others' needs. Here are seven keys for improving intimacy:

Listen to Your Partner

Anna and John just got married and they both listen to each other about everything. They discovered that they still have so much to learn from one another and this gives a thrill in their relationship. Active listening means to focus, and not thinking about what you are going to say next. Look at your partner in the eye and be silent and focus while he or she is talking. Listening to your partner will help strengthen your relationship.

Have a Date

Dating can help bring back intimacy in a lot of ways. It helps in reviving intimacy and helps in going out of each others 'comfort zones. Ask your partner for a date sometime. Get dressed up and spend time with one another. Dating brings back laughter and lets you reminisce the good times. A date can be fun and romantic and it can simply be watching a romantic movie or going out to a nice restaurant. This helps your relationship have another spark and passion.

Massage Your Partner

Massage is a wonderful therapy in bringing intimacy. Fill the room with aromatic candles to set up a relaxing mood and use scented oil in massaging your partner. A nice massage relaxes the mind and muscles and gives a refreshing feel. Touch is vital in improving intimacy and a massage can be truly revitalizing.

Individual growth

When you grow individually, you will find that you have something new to bring into the relationship. Individual growth can help broaden your ways of thinking, believing, and taking responsibility in living a happy and independent life together. This makes your relationship more intimate.

Be Spiritual Together

Being spiritually intimate can help your relationship by giving a great sense of connection and higher purpose in your togetherness. Your relationship can grow stronger and as individuals, you get to give your partner a positive sense of life. Being spiritual together makes a lasting relationship and gives a sense of fulfilment.

Be Supportive

There are four different types of support and these are physical and emotional support, offering self-esteem support, advice-giving support, and tangible support that offer assistance in problem solving and responsibilities. Relationships can grow when these kinds of support are given to their partners. One morning, Mary was nervous as she prepared for her project proposal with the Board of Directors in her workplace. Alex was there to give her emotional support by hugging her and wishing her good luck to boost her confidence. Providing support is one way to increase intimacy in your relationship.

Make Time for Romance

Romance is important in intimacy and there are many ways to have a romantic time together. Lighting aromatic candles never fail to set the mood romantically and sharing a glass or two of wine while talking to each other is great. Share a kiss and have a delightful talk too as all of these can lead to a wonderful time together and it can be a fun and satisfying moment.

http://ezinearticles.com/?7-Keys-to-Intimacy---How-to-Enhance-Intimacy-in-Your-Relationship&id=9365781

Parenting and Divorce

Divorce. For some this transition is the easiest thing in life. Some people have waited for the day they were finally divorced from their spouse. For others, it's the most difficult thing they will ever endure. Divorce is a change, a huge change for everyone no matter if it's a happy occasion or a sad one for the spouses, when children are involved it can get very messy.

Many parents are guilty of one thing, talking crap about the other parent in front of the children. Stop it. Your children are one half of the other person. You might hate the person you have divorced, but respect the fact that your children still love that person. "Love your child more than you hate your ex-spouse". No matter how awful your divorce might have been, or even your marriage, repeat this to yourself often. It's very difficult to be the bigger person, but it's necessary for your child. You as the parents divorced for a reason. Even if the divorce wasn't mutual, or was for a horrible reason, there was likely conflict involved. Likely the children were a part of the divorce discussion. Likely you divorced so you as people could have a better life. Give your children that gift. Do not put them in the middle of constant conflict between the two of you.

If you must have conflict, don't do it in front of the kids. Choose a time when the kids are in bed and do not scream and yell. If you two can not get along for the sake of parenting your children and you need to have a discussion, do so in a text or an email. Sometimes tone of voice is the main reason for an argument. Sometimes just hearing your ex spouses voice is enough to make your skin crawl. You don't have to love your ex spouse, you don't even have to like them. You do have to be a good parent though. Both ex spouses have an obligation to their children to successfully raise them into adulthood.

Do not meddle in your ex spouses life. Quite frankly unless their new partner is a meth addict and cooking meth in his or her basement, it's none of your business who they are dating. While you might not think much of the person they've picked, unless the courts find them unfit, there's nothing you can do about it. Just accept that this person is now going to be in your child's life. If you talk badly about that person, and your child likes them, your child will grow to resent you. Maybe they don't parent the same as you, but that doesn't make them a bad person. They are not trying to replace you, nor will your child replace you with that person. Just be the best parent you can be when your child is with you. Just because dad's girlfriend fixes your daughter's hair, doesn't mean you should fight with them. Be thankful this person actually enjoys spending time with your child. At least your child is being cared for. Same goes for dads who get mad at mom's new boyfriend, so what if he takes your son fishing, at least your son is being cared for. You do not have to be best friends with the other person, just be civil.

Do not have your children call the new person in your life, "mom or dad". This is only OK if the child is very little and your ex spouse has basically abandoned them. If your new partner has raised this child from the time they were six months old, and your child is now 10, that person has become their honorary parent for the most part. If the step-parent is comfortable with this, as well as your child, by all means, go ahead. Otherwise you're just doing it to spite the other parent. This is not okay. Spite has no place in successful co-parenting relationships.

Work with one another. If dad wants to take your child to a baseball game on one of your days, and you want to take the child to a party on a certain day, switch. Don't keep the child from a fun time because you want to be spiteful. Perhaps dad can afford an activity you can't at the moment. Perhaps it's something your child really wants to do. Let the child go if it doesn't interfere with something important you already have planned. Maybe mom's family has a holiday party on one of your scheduled visitation days and she would like the child to attend. Work with her on this. If you don't already have plans, let the child go to the party, but only if mom lets you keep the child some extra hours to make up for the time spent away.

Don't look at the other parents gifts as a bad thing. What I mean by that is, one parent might out gift the other parent for holidays and birthdays. So what. Perhaps by consulting with the other parent on what they plan to buy for the child is actually a good thing. First off it's a great plan so you don't both buy the same things. Second of all, look forward to all the wonderful things your child will receive because you are a split family. Look at it as your child having a better holiday than if you were buying yourself. Your child will receive double the amount of holiday fun now. If your child comes home with a new expensive piece of clothing, simply say to them, "Oh I know you've really been wanting that, I'm glad you finally got it". Be happy for them.

Accept that not everything is in your control now. You both don't have to parent the same way. It's not the law. If your child is being cared for at both homes, don't turn petty things into huge issues. Perhaps your child eats canned food at dad's house and you feed only fresh organic food at your house. While you might think this is awful, at least your child is being fed. Maybe one parent sends the child in mismatched clothing, but clean clothing. At least that parent is providing a clean environment for the child. People aren't perfect. As long as a clean, safe, stable environment is being provided, don't sweat the small stuff.

Stop trying to save your image. Parenting is messy. No parent is a perfect parent. You might clean your entire home with bleach every day, your child might wear the best brands of clothing, there is still going to come a day when you mess up. Your child will forget their homework in their bedroom, or maybe even burn themselves on the stove, or even eat a booger when you aren't looking. No parent or child is perfect. Stop making the other parent feel awful when they aren't perfect either.

Children are going to try to turn you against the other parent. This is a famous defense mechanism for a child. They feel like they are in control in a crazy world when they do this. "Mom never plays with me", "Dad always goes out when I'm at his house". Stop buying into this. This ruins more co-parenting relationships than anything else. If you have deep concern, talk with the other parent. Even if they are doing something, they will likely deny it in fear of you flying off the handle. Honestly the only thing you really need to involve yourself in is if the child accuses the other parent of abuse, and there's evidence of this abuse. Even then remember, children can't always say what they mean to say. Perhaps your daughter comes home and says something to the effect of "dad hurt my butt". A sentence like that can make you jump to all sorts of conclusions. Perhaps the only thing that has happened is dad was holding your daughter, and she went to slip out of his arms, he caught her and it just happened to be he caught her by grabbing her rear. A perfectly innocent act has the potential to get a perfectly happy child removed from her dad. Or a really horrible set of investigations will happen, along with a lot of unwanted painful testing for the child. Just be careful what conclusions you draw from what your child is telling you.

Successful co-parenting relationships do not mean still loving or liking your ex spouse. They just mean you have to love your children. If successful interaction is impossible, do so through text or email. If you can't stand the sight of your ex spouse, choose a parent or relative to do child exchanges for you. When attending activities together, sit far apart. Still allow the other parent to give the child a hug and kiss or talk to the child at the activity. Children cannot thrive in stress. Being mean and nasty to the other parent creates stress for them. Always remember, "Love your child more than you hate your ex spouse".

http://ezinearticles.com/?Parenting-and-Divorce&id=9411543

Love After Divorce - Are You Ready?

How do you know when you are ready to find love after divorce? When a marriage breaks down, it is always a sad and difficult time, even if things haven't been great between you for some time. Whatever the circumstances you will still need to give yourself time to adjust to your new way of life before jumping into a new relationship.

You will be left with a huge space in your life and will most likely feel that you need to fill it as quickly as possible, but it could be a big mistake to look for love after divorce too soon, as your judgment may be seriously clouded. You could end up making bad choices and give yourself more pain and grief to deal with. It is never a good idea to meet someone on the rebound as you are likely to have issues that need dealing with first.

Time is a great healer, so it is important to give yourself time to grieve for your old relationship. Get over the anger and other emotional issues and allow yourself time to re-evaluate what you want out of life. It is unfair to start a new relationship when you are unable to move on from the previous one. Take time to nurture yourself, enjoy old interests or try some new ones, spend time with family and friends and enjoy just being you.

If children are involved, you also need to consider them and allow them time to grieve the loss of their old family life and adjust to a new way of life. This can take a long time as the decision to divorce was nothing to do with them. Introducing someone new into their lives at this stage can cause some very challenging behaviours, even for grown-up children, so for their sake, you must allow time.

Everyone is different in the way they deal with divorce and the issues that go with it, some people may be ready to move on and look for love after divorce within a year, others will take much longer, only you know how you feel. It is essential if you want your next relationship to be successful, that you have moved on and let go of the past. It is all too easy to carry old resentments forward and damage any future relationships.

When you feel ready to move on, it can be an exciting time embarking on the world of dating once again and signifies a new chapter in your life. Try and meet each date with an open mind and an open heart rather than comparing them to your ex. Remember nobody is perfect, we all have our good points and bad points, so judge each person on their own merits and give yourselves the chance to get to know each other. There is no rush to make a commitment, just concentrate on enjoying each others company and having fun together. Love after divorce will happen, but take your time and make sure you get to know your new partner inside out before making a commitment.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Love-After-Divorce---Are-You-Ready?&id=8962226

Save Your Marriage by Becoming a Detective on Yourself!

While dating, most couples try to look their best physically and try to get along and have a good time. Some couples love to talk about deep subjects and keep up mentally with one another and life. Does this description fit you?

As the relationship develops and you marry, you probably just naturally begin to take your partner for granted. It can be common for either of you to neglect your appearance. When that occurs, you may gain a lot of weight, become careless about personal care or hygiene, or otherwise not take care of yourself in healthy or attractive ways. Sometimes either of you may just excuse yourself because of your busy career or other life responsibilities.

These actions or lack of actions can be real turnoffs to your spouse as well as give the impression that you don't value your relationship very much. Neither response is desirable. One way you can check yourselves on these possibilities is to see whether or not you feel really confident about your appearance when you're around other people you respect and value.

Another common relational issue is that you may no longer be in touch with or have disconnected from some of the things you used to enjoy. You may need these activities to stay interested in life. I'm thinking of things such as pursuing hobbies, going for walks together, taking classes, getting together with friends, and, of course, having fun with children if you have them.

At this point, I am referring to the importance of each of you doing individual activities as well as together activities. Both are very important, as shown by research studies. Often, if you don't take the time to care for yourself, you begin to get "stale" and "boring" even to yourself. Naturally this state is not attractive to your spouse either.

Remember to stay engaged with life and interests! Creating a balance of together time, recharge alone time and time with family members or friends can be a challenge in our busyness. But it is very important to prioritize.

Frequently, as I have worked with hundreds of couples, I find that one or both of the spouses are no longer doing anything for fun or of interest. Each may have fallen into the go to work, sleep, and eat pattern-and then do it all over again. Usually at that point, each may be feeling depressed and trapped. Sometimes one or the other may even think a new relationship is needed when the problem may not even be about the relationship.

The arrival of children complicates self-care. While there are times when it seems impossible to get everything done, none of it will matter if you lose the foundation for your family by losing your marriage. It is the rock on which your family stands, not the children.

Becoming a Detective on Yourself Leads to Self-Awareness, Self-Care

Becoming a detective on yourself can be one major tool that leads you to take better care of both your relationship and yourself.

Much of the time when couples come to see me about their marriage, the concern is not just about the marriage but also about each of their "own stuff" that is impacting their marriage.

Sometimes when people say they want a divorce, they are at a juncture in their personal life. They are ready to make a major life change and don't believe they can do it and stay married too.

Amazingly, as we look together at the presumed future, often those who said they wanted a divorce have never shared their desires with their spouse. They just make the assumption that their spouse would never support them in their dreams.

Happily, numerous times we've discovered together that their spouse is relieved and happy to support their mate in their dreams. The good news is that these couples are then able to rebuild their marriage.

As mentioned earlier, in many other cases, it turns out that neither of them wants a divorce. Very often it turns out they just want the marriage pain to stop.

They are then able to move forward in creating a new marriage to the same person. I have still awed by being a part of these "miraculous" turnarounds again and again.

Another way to become a detective on yourself is by asking: "Where in my body do I store my stress?" Often wherever you store it is a lifelong habit.

Some people have stomachaches, headaches, tight muscles in their shoulders or neck, back pain, and so on.

One of the ways you can find out quickly is to practice deep breathing. As you discover where you store your stress, you can at the same time relieve or relax some of it by that deep breathing process.

Becoming Aware of Your Self-Talk

You can also become aware of what you are saying to yourself in your head. It is one of the best ways to take better care of yourself.

Many people are unaware of their self-talk. We all talk to ourselves; and unless we have worked on changing it, nearly 100 percent of our self-talk is very negative and sometimes even downright mean.

Take care of yourself through countering or replacing self-talk, and use the words you would use with a good friend going through the same situation.

You can check for yourself the power of your thoughts and self-talk. One way you can experiment is to simply think of a negative event and tune into your feelings and next thoughts. You will notice how almost instantly you can upset yourself and make yourself feel down.

The good news is that you can use that same power to bring yourself up by purposely saying the words to yourself that you would say to a good friend who is going through a hard time.

Deep Breathing is another way to take care of yourself when you are tired or stressed out. Most of us are totally unaware of how we automatically begin to take quick, short, and shallow breaths when stressed or tired.

Experiment with how deep breathing brings fresh oxygen to your brain and shortly helps you begin to feel better. You can start with counting to 5 as you take in as much air as you can, hold it for 5, and then let it out as slowly as possible on 5. If you do this several times, you will notice it helps.

If you can think of your stomach as a flat balloon you are blowing up by sucking in your breath. Next, you are holding it, and then you are letting it out very slowly, to the same count and think of turning yourself into a rag doll. Within the past year, technologists have been able to image the oxygen traveling up through a person's body to the brain! Pretty awesome!

Writing or Journaling is also an awesome tool. If you have not tried it for your marriage and are struggling with very strong reactions and nearly overpowering feelings, it is a valuable option.

Writing gets to thoughts and feelings that for some reason you can't seem to access by just thinking alone. Many clients' experiences, in addition to my own, have taught me the power of writing. It works much better than just having the thoughts whirling around and around in your brain in an unproductive circle, wearing a groove!

Some people do not want to start writing because they are worried someone will read what they write. I encourage people to use a shredder after getting their thoughts out if that is a concern.

I also encourage everyone to keep the "action part" or "what are my choices now" part of writing or journaling, which is how I encourage ending your entries.

It helps to take you from feeling like a "victim" of your situation or circumstances when you look at the choices you have. You will even see the baby steps that you can start taking right away to gradually lead you to the things you really want in your life.

There is another reason some people do not want to journal and they feel as if it will become a requirement. The good news is that there is no rule. You only write when you want to - when something extra good happens, or extra bad happens and you believe it might help you to write about it.

Writing or journaling is a great thought clarifier! You may see things in a way you never had before when you only thought about whatever was bothering you over and over again.

There are so many ways and styles of journaling, so you cannot journal wrong or incorrectly. Whatever helps you is the best way.

One simple way journaling can be done is to ask yourself:

What am I stressing or upsetting or depressing myself about now?

After free writing about that question for a time, often after a few pages, something may come out that you were not even aware was bothering you because it was outside your conscious awareness. This insight can be helpful as it may make you realize why you were feeling upsetting.

This next question will help you make an action plan:

What are my choices now?

Even though these action steps may not fully solve the problem, they will be positive actions you can begin taking the next day to move yourself in a positive direction.

Another approach to journaling that can be helpful is to think about all the feelings you had during that day. As you think about all your feelings, pick out your one or two strongest ones and write about them. Think about what had happened right before that feeling hit or what you were thinking about before that feeling came up for you.

This approach is another way to check yourself on how you may be upsetting yourself unnecessarily. In this manner, you can change your patterns to prevent yourself from saying hurtful things that lead toward either bringing yourself down or leading to the destruction of your relationship.

You can learn to nurture your relationships and yourself. You can do this by becoming aware of your own predictable patterns - your "dance steps," habits, or ruts - and how you automatically act or react to various situations.

Think about the things that have worked successfully for you in the past. Also, begin to use some new ways of communicating and the conversation tools and new actions you can take with your spouse.

Though no one should make big decisions according to feelings or emotions-the feelings we are experiencing can be clues to some of the needs we have. Stopping long enough to tune into them can assist you in staying in touch with what is happening inside you personally. It also can help you stay in touch with what is really happening in your relationship.

Giving yourself a "time out" is one of the communication tools you can use to prevent yourself from saying hurtful things that lead toward the destruction of your relationship.

Journaling about your disagreement is also is a great tool for use during the beginning of an argument between you two as a couple. As each of you learns to take a time out for yourselves before you get into the heat of a fight, you will discover you can often prevent it. Journaling is a great tool to help you clarify your thoughts and calm down, so you are ready to have a peaceful conversation together later.

Many times your anger has little or nothing to do with your spouse and can destroy your relationship if you don't stop yourself. If nothing else, you could possibly share your writing to explain yourself better later if you'd like.

How do you handle your own anger when it arises? Are you a slow burn until you erupt like a volcano? Are you an instant temper tantrum or a bulldozer?

Have you trained yourself to be responsible for your own anger responses?

Some blow-up types learn to take a "time out" for themselves before they blow. They take the time to examine what is really going on for them and gradually write about it or dispel their upset without taking it out on others.

In closing, I hope you will be willing to experiment with some of these practical ways to understand yourself and your spouse better and begin to experience a closer connection with and a deeper love for one another.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Save-Your-Marriage-by-Becoming-a-Detective-on-Yourself!&id=9397520

A Few Signs of Domestic Violence You Cannot Ignore

A few signs of domestic violence that cannot be ignored are criticism by one's significant other in front of family and friends, periods of silence by one's significant other and when he/she labels a room(s) in the house as off-limits.

You know, most of the time when we hear that someone we know was charged with a serious crime, we would either say, "I didn't see any signs that he/she would have done this or that or, yes, I'm not surprised because I saw the signs in him/her." Yes, consciously or unconsciously we are always looking for signs and usually, they are there for us to see and when it comes to domestic violence, there is no difference.

Domestic violence which is also referred to as domestic abuse, battering and family violence has touched many of us and DC Coalition Against Domestic Violence, in one of its pamphlet, defines it as a pattern of coercive behaviours, used by a batterer to gain or maintain power and control over another person with whom the batterer is in an intimate dating or family relationship.

Criticism in front of Loved Ones

The batterer's main aim is to dominate its victim and to get this done, he/she will speak unkindly to family members and friends about their victim. They will do so under the guise of love for their victim and the desire for him/her to do better. For example, he/she may say, "he/she is such an air-head when it comes to finances but I am trying to teach him/her how to handle it." Thereby helping to set the foundation for the batterer to completely control all the monies that pass between the two of them.

The batterer will say many more things that can help to cause division between family and friends and the person he/she is in a relationship with, so as to isolate his/her victim. While at the same time he/she is working to make him/herself look like the "good," sensible and loving one.

Periods of Silence

Another sign that cannot be ignored is when he/she stops talking with their victim for days and sometimes even weeks even though they see each other every day. Sometimes a reason, logical or not, is given but sometimes a reason is not given for this action.

Nevertheless, this is usually done with the intention of punishing the other person. Some victims cope well during this "silent treatment" and in fact, they look forward to it because this is the only time they do not have to hear their torturer's abusive words. On the other hand, some victims do not respond well to this because they are worried about what other torture he/she is planning during this time.

Off Limit Rooms

Today, we hear a lot about "man caves" and this should give us a moment of pausing and thinking and most of the time we do not because "man cave" is usually said in jesting and both parties in the relationship are usually in agreement with the arrangement. However if the abuser says that a room or rooms in the house is off-limits, this is another sign that should not be ignored. This is another tactic in domination. He/she is the king/queen and the victim is the subject. The subject is told when he/she can enter the room and this is usually when the batterer wants something that only the victim can provide.

If there are other family members in the house, the room(s) is also used to cause division within the home. The batterer will allow certain family members to enter the room as a special privilege while others are not allowed to do so.

Criticism in front of loved ones, periods of silence and off-limit rooms are signs of domestic violence that cannot be ignored because of the escalation in abuse that usually follows.

http://ezinearticles.com/?A-Few-Signs-of-Domestic-Violence-You-Cannot-Ignore&id=9381623

5 Tips for Dating Again After Divorce

Unless you want to join a convent and take a vow of abstinence after your divorce there will come a time when you're ready to re-enter the wonderful (or terrifying for some) world of dating.

The thing is... divorce is very rarely amicable so you may be carrying some trust issues or even doubts and fears about seeing someone again and starting a new relationship.

Don't worry too much about this, as it's perfectly normal, most divorced people to go through the pain barrier and build their confidence up again to enter the dating scene.

One of the main barriers can be trying to rush into a new relationship just to feel loved, but this can actually bring you more problems and confidence issues if you choose the wrong partner in desperation... so my advice is, take it easy.

There is life after divorce but you have to be prepared to go out and get it!

Tip 1 - Meet new people

Think of dating as an opportunity to meet lots of new people and take stock of what you really look for in a serious partner this time around. For example, if your ex-spouse was really untidy, are you seeking someone a bit more organized? Or if they had control issues are you looking for a mate who is more laid back?

Tip 2 - Take your time

Think about this... are you looking for some fun and entertainment or do you seek a more serious relationship? Rushing in too soon can cloud your view of the world... so take it easy and get to know yourself better before you start picking flaws in someone else.

Tip 3 - Build your confidence

You may even feel ashamed or embarrassed about the failure of your marriage... but you know that's the way life goes, many people are on their third or fourth marriage so no-one really cares as much as you think they do.

Tip 4 - Go with your gut feeling

Don't forget you have a LOT to offer don't sell yourself short and don't take any nonsense, go with your gut and take it slowly. As long as you take the necessary safety precautions then give that new date a chance to prove themselves.

Tip 5 - Take the pressure off

A good piece of advice for the first date is always meet during the day if possible and even for a coffee. This puts less pressure on the two of you having to make conversation for two or three hours over dinner (sometimes it can be two or three hours of painful silence if you don't have much in common).

Remember, you are rebuilding your life so take it slowly and you'll find your confidence will grow. I can't promise you'll meet your perfect partner right away - but if you don't try you won't ever find your Mr.Right.

http://ezinearticles.com/?5-Tips-for-Dating-Again-After-Divorce&id=9316682

Getting Out of Your Own Way: The 3-Step Wardrobe Plan to Have Him Forget the Other Woman

Do you feel like your man isn't noticing you anymore? Do you walk by him in the living room and his eyes never stray from the video game, Walking Dead episode, or Lakers game? Are you worried that maybe some other woman is catching his eye? You need a plan to get out of your own way and back into his line of sight. In fact, you need a three-step wardrobe plan, and here is it. Just remember your ABCs.

A = Act like you did when you first started dating. When you first started dating, do you remember how much thought you gave to what you wore? Your hair was always done, and you always smelled amazing. You need to start doing the things that attracted him in the first place. You have to start wearing dresses and skirts again and spritzing on the perfume and body spray.

B = Be noticeable. Even though we are the most evolved animals on the planet, we are still animals. And animals are drawn to bright colors, shiny things, and movement. We can't help but notice these things. As for bright colors, see if he doesn't start paying attention if you walk past him in a bright yellow dress. In the animal kingdom, that is why certain species are colorful - to attract the opposite sex. Shiny things like metallic earrings and other jewelry will draw attention. And last is movement. The fabric of a dress or skirt moves when you walk, and dangling earrings sway. These are all things that will catch is eye.

C = Carry yourself with confidence. You are looking good, smelling good, and getting noticed. You need to now act like other people are noticing you as well. You need to get out more often and carry yourself with confidence as you sashay out the door so that he looks at you and asks, "Where are you going?" He's noticing you more, and he knows other people will be noticing you more. When he asks that question, you will know that you have him right where you want him, and he may even ask if he can come with you.

This simple three-step plan of the ABCs will have him all shook up and taking notice. You'll also like this new sense of power you feel over yourself and over your relationship. That other woman is no match for you, girl

http://ezinearticles.com/?Getting-Out-of-Your-Own-Way:-The-3-Step-Wardrobe-Plan-to-Have-Him-Forget-the-Other-Woman&id=9413745

For The Women Out There----32 Surefire Ways To Keep A Man Interested

Men like an animal in the bedroom. Sneak into his room when he’s not around and leave a parrot in there.

1. Messaging back too quickly can seem desperate, so give it a few weeks or months before replying.

2. If you think you’ll find this hard, just throw your phone into a river. If he really wants to contact you, he’ll find a way.

3. Men enjoy the thrill of the chase, so run away from them mid-conversation.

4. Don’t ask too many questions, it will make him feel interrogated.

5. So leave out details like asking his name until the fourth or fifth date.

6. Similarly, you want to keep a bit of mystery, so avoid giving any details about your life, including your name and age.

7. If he presses for more details, simply give an alias. Once he does a quick Facebook check and can’t find you, it will only fuel his desire to get to know you more. 
8. Writing on his Facebook wall is very 2007, so write on the actual walls of his home. Painting over permanent marker is harder than clicking “delete” on a post.

9. Mirror him. Buy a dark-coloured morph suit and become his shadow.

10. Men like an animal in the bedroom. Sneak into his room when he’s not around and leave a parrot in there.

11. Men also love foxy women, so occasionally eat out of bins when you and your squeeze are together.

12. Maintain eye contact. Breaking it for even a moment is a sign of weakness, so aim for 90 seconds and upwards when looking at your beau.

13. A slither of flesh can be titillating. Cutting a hole in a long-sleeved top will give a cheeky flash of well-moisturised elbow.

14. Arching your back slightly will make him notice your chest, so crawl on to all fours and adopt the crab yoga stance.

15. Alternatively, “accidentally” smear pasta sauce over your chest during your dates to draw attention to your assets. 
16. If you’re not going to an Italian restaurant, simply bring a jar of it with you in your handbag.

17. Eat phallic foods. While a banana is all well and good, taking a bite out of an aubergine, the universally recognised emoji symbol for dick, is far sexier.

18. Casually stretch in front of him to show your body off to best effect. Five minutes of strenuous lunges while you both wait for the train should do the trick.

19. Leave a subtle, lingering reminder of your scent. When he leaves a room, writhe around on his sofa a bit.

20. A high-pitched voice can sound nagging. Nail a sexy, huskier tone by constantly mimicking Christian Bale’s Batman voice.

21. Leave him wanting more. Pause mid-sentence and hold it for an hour or two. The long wait will leave him desperate to hear your anecdote.

22. Men like a challenge. Answer every question with a question.

23. Alternatively, if your man likes a real challenge, don’t tell him where your next date is; instead, leave a series of mysterious clues littered around the town where he lives.

24. Pointing towards someone is a subtle sign that you’re interested, but pointing at them sends out a far stronger message.

25. An “in and out” motion can be very sexy, so repeatedly dip your finger into his drink when you’re having coffee together. He’ll know what you’re alluding to.

26. Give off a cool, even cocky vibe to show off your self-confidence. At a restaurant, start throwing your glass in the air. He’ll find your self-assurance sexy.

27. Gently touch your lips to draw attention to your mouth. To really nail this move, circle your mouth 12 times clockwise and 12 times counter-clockwise, then repeat for eight minutes.

28. Also, lick your lips frequently. If you feel like you’ll forget, smear a teaspoon of honey around your mouth. You’ll be licking it off all night.

29. He’ll feel reassured if he knows you’re relaxed around him, and nothing is sexier than being chilled out. So fall asleep when he’s talking, but remember to set an alarm so you only nod off in his presence for an hour or so at the most.

30. Moving your hips as you walk will capture his attention, so bring a hula hoop and make good use of it when you’re out together.

31. Accidentally brushing his knee is flirtatious, so bring your nicest hairbrush if you want to execute this move properly.

32. Lean over the table towards him so it’s clear you’re engaged in what he’s saying. Keep leaning until your entire upper body is sprawled out on the table. Then bring your legs up and lie down on it.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jasminnahar/ways-to-keep-a-man-interested#.vvbB5j51bn

8 Tips For A Good First Date

You met on a dating app. Bantered. Found out you share a love for Shawshank and Shiraz (#meanttobetogether!!). You decided to meet in person on Thursday (you made this decision on Monday, when you felt totally cool and confident). But now it’s Thursday afternoon and you can feel the anxiety settling in hard. A mix of nerves and excitement kept you up last night.

What if they don’t like me? Do I actually look like myself in my pictures? What should I wear?

By the time 3am rolled around, these thoughts got louder. I’m going to have dark circles under my eyes! I’m going to be so tired — I won’t be on my A-game!

So by now you’re on your fourth coffee of the day and are considering telling your date you think you’re “coming down with something.” Ultimately, it’s your call, but give these strategies a try before you send that text.

The best way to get over anxiety is to expose yourself to it.

DO:

1. Breathe

Our breath is a fabulous tool for working through anxiety. Studies show that when we welcome nice, deep belly breaths (known as diaphragmatic breathing), we send a signal to the brain that everything's OK. Try putting one hand on your stomach and one hand on your chest. Inhale for three counts, hold for one, and exhale for four counts. Repeat until you notice yourself start to feel a bit calmer. 

2. Visualize different outcomes, even the negative ones

Humans like to be able to predict and control — uncertainty breeds anxiety. Of course, most things in life (like the outcome of a date) are out of our control, so it can be helpful to visualize different possibilities. You could get stood up. You could be totally unattracted to them. You could fall for them on the first date. Spend a few minutes thinking about all the ways the date could go and you'll feel more prepared for any outcome.

3. Make space for anxiety — name it

Rather than trying to push the anxiety away, acknowledge that it’s your body’s way of trying to protect you from a situation that’s out of your comfort zone. Thank it for being there. Make space for it. Say something like, “It’s understandable I’m feeling anxious because I like this person so far and want the date to go well.” And, if you feel comfortable doing so, you might say to your date “I’m nervous! This is new territory for me!” If they react with judgment or criticism, it’s a sign they might not be the right person for you anyway. 

Also, consider how much of the anxiety is actually anxiety, and how much is anticipation and excitement. They affect us the same way, physiologically, yet we tend to attribute all of our feelings to anxiety and zero to excitement.

4. Have realistic expectations for yourself

You wouldn’t expect yourself to be an expert chess player if you’d never played before. Yet, we expect ourselves to be expert daters without having dated much. Experiential learning is the best kind of learning — and it's really the only kind when it comes to dating. Remind yourself that you are new (or rusty!) at this. Give yourself permission to be imperfect and have a dating experience — not necessarily a “good” or “great” dating experience, just a dating experience! When you have realistic expectations for yourself, there’s less room for disappointment.

Give yourself permission to be imperfect and have a dating experience.

DON'T:

1. Bail

As tempting as it can be to just say you're “not feeling well,” this is generally not the most serving choice. Ditching a date just reinforces self-sabotaging behavior, and it gets in the way of you being able to overcome date anxiety. The best way to get over anxiety is to expose yourself to it.

2. Drink away the anxiety

Once you drink, you turn off the feelings of anxiety and feel relieved. Drinking is a form of avoidance, really. It’s true that our performance can be improved in many areas after one or two drinks; however, that curve plummets very quickly. So, if you’re heading out for drinks with your date and you’ve already had one or two, disaster may be around the corner. Plus showing up with whisky on your breath is not a great first impression.

3. Try to act like someone you’re not

I know I sound like your mom here, but it’s solid advice. Even if you successfully portray your desired persona for the evening, sooner or later you’re going to have to be yourself. Plus, trying to act a certain way is exhausting and inauthentic. It makes vulnerability, intimacy and connection challenging.

4. Beat yourself up for feeling anxious

Oftentimes we think sternly telling ourselves to stop feeling anxious will turn off our anxiety, but that generally doesn’t work. In fact, it makes matters worse. Why? Beating ourselves up for our (expected) anxiety causes shame in addition to the anxiety we’re already feeling. Instead, practice self-compassion and allow some anxiety to be there.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-22960/8-tips-for-a-good-first-date.html

5 Biases You Probably Have (Even If You Think You Don't)

... including why we favor more attractive people.

In cognitive psychology, there is a concept known as the "better-than-average" effect.

The basic idea of an "average" implies that 50% of people will be below average, and 50% will be above. However, when you ask people if they're below or above average when it comes to any particular skill (e.g., driving, singing), far more people will rate themselves as above average than the 50% that you might expect.

Even when we know about such cognitive biases, we often think of ourselves as being immune to them: Other people might fall into that trap, we think, but I'm too smart for that.

To optimize your thinking, let's examine those cognitive biases to which you believe you are immune. Here are 4 more: 

1. Treating more attractive people better. 

Attractive people tend to get evaluated more positively than less attractive people. If you're in a position to hire a new employee or choose a realtor or doctor, this is a good bias to be aware of. Also, since weight stigma remains very prevalent in our culture, it's useful to be aware if you're attributing any negative judgments to someone who is overweight—e.g., thinking they might be lazy. Another example might be the stereotype that someone who has tattoos might be unreliable. 

The same principle applies to treating people who are more similar to you more favorably. Even when we're aware that this general bias exists, we often don't notice when it plays out in our lives—e.g., in a class, you might find study groups organizing themselves by ethnicity or age, or in your neighborhood, you might have a friendlier relationship with neighbors who are more similar to you than those who are different.

2. Thinking bad things won't happen to you.

You might know the statistics on how many people will get cancer during their lifetime, yet still think that your personal chance of contracting it is much lower. The key is recognizing your "average" vulnerability—to the extent that it's useful and motivates positive behaviors, such as getting a pap smear, carrying appropriate health insurance, wearing a seat belt, and using sun protection. Outside of the health sphere, similar examples include taking basic precautions to secure your home or prevent your stuff getting stolen. 

3. Vulnerability to marketing and sales techniques. 

Most of us know about the common sales and marketing techniques used by brands and salespeople. For example, "upsells" that get us to pay more for unneeded extras; credit cards and loyalty programs that use rewards and bonus offers to get people to spend more than they usually would; free trials that you don't get around to cancelling; and, in stores, putting the most expensive brands at eye level.

Which types of offers do you participate in but kid yourself that you're not getting influenced by sales and marketing techniques? There may be some strategies that don't cause you to change your thinking or behavior, but you need to be able to recognize when you are being influenced. 

3. Our bias toward sticking to doing the same thing. 

The more familiar something is, the more we tend to prefer it. When do you fail to recognize that you like something mostly because you're familiar with it—e.g., wearing black every day just because you're used to it.

4. Seeing people we're in love with through rose-tinted glasses. 

When you're in a committed relationship, it's generally useful to see the best in your spouse or partner. It helps keep us happy in the relationship by convincing us that we made a good choice of partner, and it allows us to give our partner a break when they screw up—e.g., they do something stupid but we continue to see them as generally smart.

However, there can be times where we fail to recognize our partner's shortcomings when it would be useful to do so—e.g., you might allow them to talk you into something financially risky or unethical.  

At the dating stage, love and lust can blind us as well, to the extent that we make a poor choice when a new partner's negative qualities come to the surface—e.g., your partner is a superficially charming narcissist. When would it be useful to you to recognize that your partner does have a weakness in a particular area—e.g., when they overestimate their driving abilities and drive too quickly when your entire family is in the car.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201512/5-biases-you-probably-have-even-if-you-think-you-dont

13 Dating Mistakes Everyone Makes & How To Avoid Them

Dating is rarely “easy,” but sometimes we make it harder than it needs to be. Here are 13 mistakes people make when looking for love:

1. We go into a date expecting it to turn into a relationship

Instead of looking at your date as a potential life partner right off the bat, try to look at them as someone you might want to see again. Do I enjoy hanging out with this person? Do I feel connected? If the answer is yes, hope to have another date, not a wedding. 

2. We wait “until,” before dating

We mistakenly think we ought to lose 10 pounds, finish school, become more confident, get a job, or get over a past relationship before we enter the dating world. But being OK with your imperfection is true confidence. There will probably always be another 10 pounds, a partially-healed heart, or an unfulfilled goal standing in your way. So if you keep “waiting until,” you may be waiting forever.

3. We date for the outcome, not the process

Instead of looking at dates that don’t turn into relationships as failures, try to view them as experiences. An “exhibition date” for future dates. Prep for a job interview. A great meal. A funny story. A lesson on uranium (true story). Try to take away something from the process of the date, not the outcome.

4. We only use one avenue — we think online OR in-person

A lot of my clients have told me, “Oh, I’d rather meet someone in person,” as if by going online they shut themselves off from the in-person dating world.Explore both options — you'll only be increasing your odds of finding a lasting connection. You can go to a party on Friday night and spend your rainy Saturday afternoon drinking hot cocoa and checking your matches.

Let your heart be your guide, but let your mind have a say as well.

5. We look for someone perfect on paper

We seek out the 6+ foot, Ivy League-educated business owner, and get disappointed when we realize they’re a psychopath. Instead of focusing on the boxes a date checks off, focus on how they make you feel.

6. We interpret rejection as a sign we’re undateable

Dating is a lot like applying for jobs. Sometimes, the job’s not right for you and sometimes you’re not right for it. If we were to assume that we’re not hirable because we didn’t get the first job we applied for, we’d never apply for a job again. Unfortunately, some people experience one dating rejection and end up starved for intimacy and connection for many years thereafter. Remind yourself that if you get rejected, it doesn’t mean you’re a reject. There are tons of other people out there just waiting to get to know you.

7. We envision a date as dinner at a fancy restaurant

Dating doesn’t have to look a certain way and it doesn't have to be intimidating: Grab a drink or some coffee. Meet them on your lunch break. Go for a walk, hike or bike ride.

8. We assume coming across as perfect is to our benefit

But if I seem flawed, they won’t like me, right?! Wrong. By trying to seem perfect, you’re not being authentic, which isn’t attractive. Not to mention, If your date likes this forced version of you, you basically have to keep up a façade for the rest of your life. Better to just be yourself and admit you’re between jobs/fumbling through the dating scene/don’t eat gluten right off the bat. 

9. We think people want us to talk about ourselves and entertain

If you feel like you have to do a stand-up routine on your date, that’s super stressful. It's much easier to ask your date questions, and following them up with more questions, like “Wow, what was like like?” or, “Can you tell me more about it?”

10. We let attachment issues determine to whom you’re attracted

Society often inundates us with confusing messaging. We’re told to listen to our heart, unless our heart is directing us towards the wrong person. Let your heart be your guide, but let your mind have a say as well. If you tend to be attracted to people who leave you feeling subordinated, judged, hurt, or invalidated, there’s probably an attachment issue at play. The good news is that you can work through it, but you might want to recruit the support of a counselor.

11. We drop life/hobbies/other relationships for a person

It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of a budding new relationship and make yourself available every night of the week. Yet this causes us to let other areas of fulfillment and meaning slide from our lives and can quell our interest, passion, and independence that likely drew the date to us in the first place. 

12. We don’t date multiple people

I might ruffle some feathers with this one, but hear me out. Even if you’re into a person after a date or two, I still encourage you to be open to other options while things are light. Not only will this prevent you from attaching to the idea of being with that person before you’re both on the same page, it will make you more attractive to the person you’re going out with. 

13. We wait for someone to come to us

We believe that the person of our dreams is going to move in next door or sit next to us on a ski lift. Hey, it happens, but it has a better chance of happening if you’re not totally passive about the dating process. You can’t win the lottery without buying a ticket first. The more tickets you buy, the better chance you have. And the great news? Finding the person of your dreams is a heck of a lot more plausible than winning the lottery!

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-22969/13-dating-mistakes-everyone-makes-how-to-avoid-them.html