Why You Must Get Rid Of False Expectations

A fulfilled life is a result of successive complete and fulfilled days. If you are going to have a fruitful day, it is important that you have the day properly outlined and planned out. Of the many things you need in the right place are expectations: expectations for a positive fruition for plans and objectives. These are expectations we impose on ourselves and are sometimes imposed on us by other people.

Expectations have had a great bearing on how much I have accomplished, they have been the core of my belief and trust that things will happen as desired. Because I have been able to live each day successfully and have accomplished each day according to expectation, life has been a bundle of joy.

However, it has been of utmost importance to define and distinguish between realistic and unrealistic expectations. These can also be termed as true and false expectations. It is worth mentioning that, although truthful expectations help yield positive results, false expectations are a constraint to fulfillment of any endeavor.

While brooding over positive expectations is fundamental, it is of equal importance that false expectations are gotten rid of if achievement is going to be attained. My experience and research has identified an inexhaustible number of false expectations, this helped me get rid of all such hopes. Here now are some common false expectations and why it was important that I get rid of them.

The expectation that everyone should like me.

The expectation that the world must be fair.

The expectation that all my days are supposed to be sunny, that is, a storm will never come.

The expectation of never being anxious or depressed.

The expectation of always being in the driving seat- always in control and always knowing what is going to happen next.

The expectation that people will be perfect.

False expectations made me take up a level of control that I really did not have in given circumstances. This led to considerable failures and disappointments along the way. This denied me the chance to learn from others because, in my mind, I was on top of things and yet was not. I did not let those who knew better control things. Nonetheless, those days are gone and I know better now. I now know only to control the things I can and to let other players act their roles.

Disappointments literally make the heart sick. False expectations when fully mature breed disappointments which in turn sicken the heart. Such emotions are never good for anything, worse still for success and fruition of goals. There is a predisposition in man to repeatedly feel disappointed when their hopes are not met.

False hopes are heavy loads to shoulder. It does not really matter if they are really personal or about others, they are simply heavy to carry. You may want to tone down those expectations because they place unrealistic demands on ourselves, colleagues, etc. A tendency to act as if others "should" just live and give in to our expectations is a common feature of false hopes. They "Should" just know what my desires are is bad for business.

Further, false expectations cause the hopeful individual to have some preconceived blueprint of how things should be without really considering others. People develop an "if- then" syndrome which dictates how things should be done. This is actually a very common erroneous assumption.

To hold on to false expectations is to obstruct the knack to pursue what matters most in life. For example, those who expect NEVER to make a mistake won't actually take any form of a risk in life. And since they will not take risks, it is impossible to step out and pursue the things they care for.

Unfortunately, some expectations are not feasible. They are simply not practical. Often, they might appear like reasonable and viable expectations but are in fact not. From a distance, they may even give the impression of being fair, realistic and reasonable but in reality, such prospects cannot truly be met. Worse still, such expectations only create additional problems, far worse than they solve. For instance, the expectation that young children should always be tip-top in terms of their behavior is far-fetched. A colleague of mine shared his experience, "I had set all the appropriate limits and rules, and for some time they were all fairly-behaved children. But in my efforts and quest to further enforce this expectation, I experienced disappointments, and only roused conflict with the kids besides other problems.

False expectations are always grounds for loss because they set you and other people up for disappointment. Reality is that, there is no life without expectations, however, I choose to hold on to realistic and measurable expectations.

What is true is that I cannot please everyone nor can I make everyone like me. It can't just happen, I will be naïve in trying to make it happen.

To even start wishing I could control all the aspects of my world in order to ensure things function consistently in the most harmonious way is like fighting the wind. The world cannot be all fair and I can only control so much. The rest is about accepting and moving on.

Well, false expectations almost made a stiff naked person out of me, I was becoming rigid to the opinions and inputs of others. I could leave no room for change for situations or let other have a go at matters.

All in all, to get rid of false expectations, it is imperative to arrest all unrealistic hopes, thoughtfully and with seriousness. It will be key to reflect on the potential effect of the expectation and practice consideration for others as they are built. Being flexible and allowing for external impact is the way to go for getting rid of false expectations.

False expectations are a menace and are unhealthy, they should be gotten rid of no matter how hard it may be. It is possible to create a whole set of beliefs, motivations, etc. that will assist you and others.

Until next time,

Your friend,

Felipe

Learn why getting rid of false expectations is fundamental if achievement is going to be attained.

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You Were Not Born to Be Ordinary, So Stand Out and Be EXTRAORDINARY!

Why do we spend so much time and energy out of our precious lives trying to fit the mold that other people try to put us in? We spend so much time trying to fit in when we were born to stand out. It is important to remain yourself and who you were born to be. The world would be so boring and uninteresting if we were all the same type of person doing the same type of thing. That would also hinder our purpose and creativity.

Living a happier and more fulfilled life for me began when I began to "break the rules," and what I mean by "break the rules" is going against the grain of what other people felt like I should be doing, and going with the grain of what I was being divinely led to do. I discovered that I was born to be unique. And by unique I mean creative and phenomenal. Now going against the grain doesn't mean that you never consider the advice of others, but it should be positive advice that is supportive of your uniqueness.

Many times we care too much about what other people are going to think about us, or what other people are going to say about us. So we stay in a "safe place" and never step out to be who we really are. When in reality why does what other people think about us or say about us even matter? Maybe those other people are so critical because they wish they had the courage to step out and allow their uniqueness to shine, but they don't have that courage, so instead they are critical of those who do.

Being true to yourself means that you are in alignment with who you were born to be and what you were called to do. You can create a lot of positive space in your life just by being yourself. And nobody wants to look back 20 years from now and realize that he or she lived their life according to the constraints and guidelines of others. And guess what? Those critical people are not going to have to live with the regret, only you are.

Here is the best way to live your life extraordinary... do what you are being divinely led to do! Even if it makes no sense to others, and it might not make sense to others since it is what you are being divinely led to do and not them. It is often hard for others to identify with things we are inspired to do. And sometimes they don't understand until the results manifest.

You might be surprised at how just going against "what's normal" can contribute to your success. People are drawn to things that are unique and stand out. If you just blend in the same with everyone else in life or in business, how will you stand out and make the impact you were truly born to make?

http://ezinearticles.com/?You-Were-Not-Born-to-Be-Ordinary,-So-Stand-Out-and-Be-EXTRAORDINARY!&id=9369021

Who Are You and Who Do You Want to Become?

Have you ever looked at yourself closely in the mirror and asked yourself who are you? It is a very self levelling activity and might surprise you when you get the answer.

Who are you is an open question. It demands more than one word answers so what will you say?

A client of mine once answered that she was a wife, a Mother, a daughter, a niece, Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny, a magician and mind reader - and a few others besides and she was right. Most of us have many facets. But does it really answer the question, or are we just attaching labels to ourselves?

Look inside and ask who are you.

To give a real insight into who we are we need to look deep within ourselves. We need to explore our reactions to situations. We need to understand why we react in that way, what was the determining factor or where did we learn that behaviour. We also need to evaluate our values as a person. What do we believe, why do we believe that and where does that belief originate?

Who we are is a mixture of all those things. We are complicated and complex. We are individual yet similar. We are unique yet still have traits and characteristics that are the same as other people. What distinguishes us from each other. What makes us like or not like anyone else?

Most of us spend our waking moments thinking either about the future, what it might hold and what we want to do and become, or about the past, how it has affected us and what might have been if only...

However much we might like it, the past cannot be re-lived and the future is impossible to experience. All we have is the present and to be able to lead happy and fulfilled lives we need to know and understand exactly who we are.

In my work, I find that coaching people on how to answer this question fully leads to my own life being examined. I have done it now many times but I still find something new about myself each time. I have discovered what I am good at and what I should probably not try again. I know for sure what I like, what I don't like and what I want to achieve.

Focus on yourself - you have permission

The first time this happened I felt a little guilty as it was the client who I was focussing on and my actions seemed self-indulgent. I now realise that I am a far better coach because I did do it, and furthermore continue to do it.

Some clients also feel a little awkward the first time they take part in this exercise. Many of us were taught as children that this sort of self indulgent activity was sinful or selfish. We should be concentrating on others not ourselves.

We are taught that we need to strive to become better people, to be more and do more in order that we may have more. Although there is nothing wrong with having dreams or ambitions, more often than not these have been borne out of a feeling that we are not good enough to begin with.

Not having a good understanding of who we are, or being confident about ourselves and abilities leads to problems in later life. Success and ability is judged in our society, not by ourselves, but by others. Parents, teachers, lecturers and bosses will all have given their opinions on your capabilities. It is difficult not to internalise these comments and make them reality.

Who do you want to become?

We are pre-programmed as a species to "fit in" or be accepted. This need can lead to behaviours such as passive people pleasing to the other extreme, becoming manipulative or abusive. Knowing yourself is no sin, and it certainly is not selfish. It should be encouraged as a platform for personal growth and a way of becoming a more selfless individual.

The consequence of not finding out who you are will likely be that you will stay the same person as you are now. This is a good thing if you are truly happy with yourself. If you are not happy though, you will never get to be who you want to become.

So, I have a little question that you might like to spend some quality time reflecting on today:

Just who are you?

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It's YOUR Time! So Get Ready to Soar

If you are like most people then you are probably always giving and giving without really taking time out for your self. It is wonderful that you have a heart to help others but don't forget about your own dreams and goals. Don't neglect the things that God has put on your heart to do. We were not born to just live life we were born to live a fulfilled life, to live an abundant life, and to thrive. And those are all of the things we should be experiencing, and if we are not then our life is of balance.

It is your time right now, not tomorrow, not next week, and not next year, but right now! Life is just too short for you to keep putting off until tomorrow what you deserve today! You have allowed fear, naysayers, pain, and your past to hold your dreams hostage for way too long. Your dreams need to be released.

Think about this, when we were younger we dreamed and we dreamed big. We didn't care how crazy our dreams sounded to others, we didn't allow fear to make us stay stagnant, and we didn't care about what happened in the past, we just believed that it could be done. We need to go back to that "childlike faith." Having "childlike faith" doesn't mean that you are being unrealistic, it means that you are allowing your faith to inspire you forward.

When you know "beyond a shadow of a doubt" that it is your time you are willing to up-level your mindset and your movement. In other words you are thinking differently and taking action differently. And it also means that you are refusing to let anything stop you. When it's your time then it's YOUR time! Now that doesn't mean that obstacles won't arise, what it does mean is that they can't stop you. The only way they can stop you is if you allow them to.

Where would you like to be in 3 months, 6 months or 12 months? Surely not in the same place you are at today. And that doesn't mean you are not satisfied with your life, it means that you are ready for growth. And it means that you are aware that there is more that you can do, be, and have. So now that you know it is your time, what steps are you going to take to manifest the amazing life that you dream about and deserve? You CAN do it!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Its-YOUR-Time!-So-Get-Ready-to-Soar&id=9863101

The Problem With Willpower

I'm addicted to learning and recently I've been enjoying a number of writing classes. Our stories have some common themes.

First, there's an unselfish goal. Our hero can't have any personal gain from their achievement. Second, several mighty obstacles to reaching that goal appear and defeat seems imminent. Finally, an enormous sacrifice made by our hero helps them reach their goal but at a huge personal price.

It makes for a great story, but in real life it's a recipe for misery. We're biologically programmed to self-preserve, to grow, to avoid pain and seek out pleasure. And unless we're sociopaths, we also get a nice hit of feel good chemicals when we do good in the world.

While our biology tells us to seek out pleasure, our stories tell us this is selfish and hedonistic.

Scott Adams has a great book called How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big: Kind of the Story of My Life and he's got an interesting theory on selfishness. I won't spoil the book for you, but it got me thinking. Suffice it to say that he suggests you look out for your own best interests without being a jerk. And that may be a good formula.

I think it's from our stories that we get the idea that if the journey is miserable, it makes reaching the goal sweeter. There's a puritanical belief that suffering is the only path to real achievement. But that doesn't make a lot of sense.

I believe that misery is an indicator. There may be moments of boredom or discomfort along our path, but the journey we choose to take should be enjoyable most of the time, punctuated by moments of excitement and driven by passion.

You would never prepare an entire meal with spices and ingredients you loathe in hopes of having a delicious meal. Yet, we do this with our goals all of the time. College students buckle down and power their way through classes they hate so they can get a degree in a field of work they think they'll love. People plug into willpower and endure jobs they hate so they can get a promotion in hopes that job will be better. We feel we can punish ourselves into a happy and fulfilled life. That's what the stories tell us, but it's not true.

Passion and the inevitable consistency that flows from it is far more important to success than willpower. Passion carries us through those brief boring or unpleasant bits we need to do so we can get to the fun stuff. But it should be interesting and fulfilling and fun along the way.

Think about the goals you're working on. Yes, it will be exciting when you achieve them, but are you enjoying the work you're doing to reach that goal? Do you feel passionate about each step? If not, do you have the right goals? Or do your steps need adjusting?

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Problem-With-Willpower&id=9875407

Message From the Universe: Your Journey in Life

"You know how everyone is always talking about life being a journey, not a destination? And that it's the journey that really counts? That from it, you'll find your purpose, meaning, and true happiness?

Well, this is it.

Soak it in,

The Universe"

This quote is obvious to many who understand the principle of life being a journey. The destination is actually death. Many might disagree as saying that destination is when you have lived a fulfilled life and taking advantage of your hard work to appreciate the finest thing. Just like education or learning should have no end to it, life has really no destination. When one goal is fulfilled, another one should appear in the horizon for you to accomplish it. Destination is where you need to go to complete your voyage but is it really completed? When you travel to a destination, either for pleasure or business, arriving there doesn't mean the end. You head there to either have a vacation or for business deal or whatever else responsibilities. Once completed, you head back for another journey to finally arrive to that new or old previous destination. So what is more exciting? The journey to get to vacation or arriving at that destination? For many, they feel that the plane ride or driving to destination is exciting, fulfilling because of anticipation. That doesn't mean that when they do arrive, they get depressed. The endorphins kicks in because of the anticipation, which renders lots more excitement than actually arriving there.

Since consciousness remains AFTER death of the physical body, we all wonder if our journey to the unknown continues because of this theory. Once we die, does our mind feels that excitement of the many journeys ahead of us? Is there a final journey or a final destination? Since our consciousness can travel at the speed of light and visit billions of galaxies in our vast universe, can we approach this theory as allowing us to see above and beyond what theoretical physicist have been trying to prove, for many years, the string theory and parallel universes? Because of the complex nature of this subject, it is evident to say that no one in the medical industry have been able to literally separate consciousness from the actual brain, which in return, allows the medical field to say that both are intrinsically related and when one dies, the other does as well (means when physical brain dies, consciousness will follow). Despite the many research to prove the doctors wrong, including NDE (Near Death Experience), OBE (Out of Body experience), and the many other spiritual experiences that humans have shared, we can admittedly and with confidence say that consciousness remains and journeys are what makes life worth living. Happiness is found from within, and not from without. You dictate how you want to live your life and whatever journey you come across, make sure it is traveled with a purpose, a meaning and lots of excitement.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-Your-Journey-in-Life&id=9674703

Tired Of Being A Doormat? Use These Ten Tips To Help You Stop Being A People-Pleaser

Risking Conflict By Speaking Your Truth

As a therapist and transformational life coach specializing in relationships and communication, and as a recovering people-pleaser and codependent myself, I know first-hand how difficult it can be to risk conflict in order to have your true thoughts, feelings, preferences, and needs heard and seen by others. However, it ultimately serves no-one when a relationship is dependent on one person hiding their true self in order to please another. Learn how people-pleasing may actually be harming you and your relationships and read my ten tips on how to start caring for yourself by being honest and assertive, beginning today.

What's A People-Pleaser?

People-pleasers (also referred to at times as 'codependents') seek validation from others that they are acceptable and worthy of being liked or loved, and can be so 'other' focused that they often have no idea what they really feel, think, want, or need. People-pleasers are typically individuals who learned early on in life that their true self expressions were not acceptable, and that their self-worth must be extracted from those around them in a never-ending quest to feel okay, accepted, liked, and loved.

Are You A People-Pleaser?

If you're a people-pleaser, you likely avoid conflict as much as possible, and will deny your own truth in an attempt to make those you are dependent on and/or care about comfortable. You'll do anything you can to 'keep the peace', even if that means betraying and abandoning yourself by repressing your own preferences and needs. In fact, you may be so focused on tending to the wants and needs of those around you that you have lost touch with who you really are at the most basic, fundamental level, to the point where you might be feeling depleted, angry, and exhausted much of the time without ever realizing it is because of your chronic people-pleasing ways.

Why People-Pleasing Serves No One In The End

Get ready for a good hard dose of reality: Subservient, ingratiating behavior serves no one, ever, no matter how much you'd like to believe it does. By surrendering control to others and abandoning yourself, you are allowing yourself to live a lie - And lies serve no one in the end. And remember, you also may be attempting to control others via your people-pleasing ways by making them dependent on you. A healthy adult relationship requires that the two people involved create a relational environment that is reciprocal, truthful, respectful, and interdependent. Hiding our true selves and pretending we are something other than what and who we actually are is ultimately dishonest and far more damaging to a relationship than voicing a truth that might result in heated discussion or out-and-out conflict.

Ten Tips To Help You Start Taking Care Of Yourself And Stop People-Pleasing Others

Although it takes courage to practice new behaviors, people-pleasers who learn to live authentically find that the freedom they experience in being themselves makes risking conflict worth it. Below are some tried and true methods to help you stop people-pleasing others so that you can live a happier, more emotionally honest and fulfilled life:

1. Recognize that you may have learned early in life that your self-worth depends on what others think of you (children who grew up in abusive environments are especially likely to believe this).

2. Acknowledge that your self-worth does not belong in the hands of others - Nobody should have that much power over what you think and how you feel about yourself.

3. Decide that you will no longer play the People-Pleasing Game; it will take time, dedication, and commitment, but it is possible to change.

4. Check in with yourself during interactions with others, especially when communicating with those that you tend to people-please the most. Focus on what feels true and right for you during these conversations, even if you are not yet ready to risk conflict by expressing a differing view, feeling, or need. Write your thoughts and feelings down in a journal after such difficult or uncomfortable interactions. Get to know yourself and become curious about what you really feel and think.

5. Determining your values, identifying your priorities, and defining your beliefs are three of the most effective ways to build a strong foundation from which to speak your truth when communicating with others. Take time to be with yourself and even write down your priorities in life and what is most important to you. This will help you to develop your ability to agree or disagree and say "no" or "yes" (and mean it), no matter what the situation is.

6. "My decision is final". Once you determine your values and better understand what is best and most right for you, plan on saying "My decision is final" if you anticipate that rejecting or denying a request will not be well received. Role-play with your significant other or a trusted friend, if needed, so you can get used to saying this one simple phrase. These four words will go a long way to ensure that any doors that might allow you to be manipulated by others, especially people who were able to take advantage of you in the past, are firmly closed and will save you much grief down the road.

7. Use empathic reflection when asserting yourself with others, including recognized 'authority figures'. Here's an example from my own life: I recently saw a doctor for a minor physical complaint. His recommended intervention was unacceptable to me for various reasons. My response was to say, "I understand why you might be recommending that, and if I were in your shoes I imagine I would too. But that route is not one I wish to go down. My decision is final." After saying this and dialoguing a bit more, we went on to find a remedy that we both felt comfortable with, and the treatment was ultimately successful.

8. Choose your battles: If you sense or suspect that your honest expressions are going to result in a conflict that you just don't feel ready or equipped to deal with, it's okay to acknowledge the truth to yourself and choose not to express it. Some things matter more than others. Talk to a trusted friend, journal your thoughts and feelings, or consider seeing a licensed Psychotherapist, Counselor, or Transformational Life Coach to help you sort out what really matters most to you and what doesn't. Remember, some people will not be able to hear or compassionately receive, much less respect, your truth if they find it personally or professionally inconvenient or threatening. Remember, not everyone is looking for honest, reciprocal relationships; such people may even attempt to judge, shame, or blame you for speaking your truth - Or even try to convince you that your truth is a lie.

9. Don't explain yourself in an attempt to justify your position. This is a real trap that people-pleasing types fall into repeatedly. You're entitled to have your own thoughts, feelings, experiences, needs, and preferences, just like everybody else. The fact that some people in your life don't agree with you or respect your truth doesn't make them right. Trust yourself and your perceptions. Sometimes our "gut feelings' can tell us far more about a person or a situation than anything that is being overtly presented to us.

10. Remember the power of choice: Adults who learned to people-please in childhood are often genuinely unaware that they have the ability to choose how they will conduct themselves in a relationship. If you are tired of being a door-mat, then maybe it is time to get up off of the floor.

It's Never Too Late To Cultivate Authentic Relationships And Start Caring For Yourself

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3 Choices That Make The Difference Between An Ordinary Life & An Extraordinary One

For more than half my life, happiness was something I saw only in movies. The only emotion I had was bitterness. I was constantly struggling with my relationship, my work, and my health.

After 12 years of living this way, I woke up. It took another three years to slowly implement changes that led to my eventual happiness. I almost gave up so many times, but struggling through it makes me appreciate the life I have now even more. Every day, I wake up thankful to be living the life of my dreams.

Happiness has a different meaning for each of us. It's a state of mind, but the decisions we make can help create a fulfilled (or unfulfilled) life. Life is short. Start making these decisions now. You are the only thing standing between yourself and true happiness.

1. Don't settle for good enough.

Gratefulness is often confused with complacency. Being grateful for what you have is wonderful, but don't confuse that with fear of trying harder — taking a risk when you could achieve more. Good is just a pit stop on the journey to great. Life is too short to settle. Time is too precious.

2. Don't apologize for living the life you want.

As adults, we sometimes realize life has more to offer than what we grew up with. Then we feel guilty about wanting more. Our friends and family might think or say we're forgetting our roots, or getting too big for our britches. But as we get more confidence and experience, we realize that taking the risk, wanting more, and trying harder was all worth it.

Don’t apologize. When you try to enter a sphere that those close to you may not be able to enter or be comfortable with, you'll get pushback. Just know that this is an issue that they have to work through. It does not reflect on you, and should not affect your decisions.

3. Live each day as if it were your last.

So many of us spend our lives in anticipation of a tomorrow that never comes. You might be waiting to really start living until you retire, or until you meet the love of your life, or until you get that next big raise. But none of us is guaranteed a tomorrow. You could plan the perfect future and never see it. All we have is right now.

Being fully present is difficult. But it's also achievable. It doesn't necessarily mean traveling to Uruguay or bungee jumping on the weekends. It means you spend your time and energy on the things that contribute to the life you want.

Don’t let self-limiting beliefs force you into a decision that won't make you happy.

It’s surreal to be able to wake up every day and do what I love, writing with a view of the Maui ocean. For a long time, I let my doubt, my fear, and the negative voices of others keep me from realizing my potential and following my path. I don’t know what your ideal life looks like for you, but I do know every choice you make will bring you closer to it or send you further away. That's up to you.

What does a happy life look like for you?

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-21739/3-choices-that-make-the-difference-between-an-ordinary-life-an-extraordinary-on.html