Why Healing Your Inner Child, Helps You Discover Your True Self

Unconscious To Our Wounds

I'd like you to take a journey into yourself, as you read this article. Hopefully, in that time, you will gain a glimpse of why healing your inner child is not only essential but important to overcoming our problems as adults. Many people grow up in less than optimal family environments. Even if our childhood was ideal, we are likely to inherit trauma from generations before us. That is why alcoholics face an unfair disadvantage, since they inherit the genes of their alcoholic parents. We all have wounds to confront and the journey of becoming an adult involves retracing our childhood and making peace with our early life. Can you identify with this narrative? Did you grow up in a stable family environment or did you experience any childhood trauma?

The journey of becoming our true selves requires revisiting our childhood wounds and seeing them through the lens of compassion and forgiveness. It involves attending to our vulnerable parts that we have neglected. So why is this important for self-transformation and self-improvement? Many of our problems stem from our early development, according to developmental psychologists. Depending on our attachment style, this will figure dominantly in adulthood, if we haven't healed our inner child. This shows up when we are triggered in relationships and recall past hurts. Because we are unconscious to our wounds, we believe the pain is occurring now.

For example, if you are emotionally triggered and cannot control it, it may be a triggered event instead of a reaction to something taking place now. This sentiment is echoed by author Liz Mullinar in her book Heal For Life: How to Heal Yourself from the Pain of Childhood Trauma where she explains: "Remembering that a majority of all emotion comes from childhood, it is a really good idea to check whenever you are angry if it is about what is happening right now or is it reminding you of someone or something from your childhood." For instance, I had a strained relationship with my father growing up, owing to his stern disciplining. As an adult, I experienced anger I couldn't control and traced it back to my childhood. However, I ignored it until it affected my relationships.

Release The Negativity And Hurt From The Past

Have you experienced something similar whether it was anger, anxiety, shame or guilt? Often, we will carry the programming of our parents or caregivers into adulthood, if we haven't healed these aspects of ourselves. The trauma we experience in childhood is being triggered in the present moment. Psychologists believe trauma is located in the right hemisphere of the brain, in the unconscious centre. Therefore, to heal and transform our wounds, requires going to the source instead of using logic and reason. In my case, my childhood wounds were associated with fear, which shaped my anger as an adult. It required attending to my fears and transforming my beliefs as a child such as: "I am unsafe" and "It is not safe to be me." These days, my adult self knows I am safe; however, my inner child was still playing the tapes of fear, guilt and shame.

Most of our difficult emotions stem from our childhood. When we experience these emotions, we must notice whether we are being triggered by a childhood experience or something in the present moment. It is beyond this article to explain how to heal and transform our childhood wounds. Moreover, I invite you to work with a trained therapist or counsellor, if you identify with this message. It may be difficult working through our childhood wounds on our own because we are likely to re-traumatise ourselves and remain stuck in our wounds. The key is to take the journey into ourselves, knowing what we experience may be unpleasant, but in doing so, we release the negativity and hurt from the past. By healing our inner child, we discover our true self hidden behind a facade of the wounded self.

This wounded self masquerades as an archetype in the form of: victim, soldier, hero, etc. We will carry these archetypal wounds throughout life without knowing who we really are, since we have identified with our trauma for so long. It becomes our new identity, and healing can be difficult without a shift in awareness. We must learn to become who we really are and not the characters we play. Are you beginning to get a sense that who you are is an intricate web of personas buried within your unconscious mind? It can take a lifetime to discover our true self and we ought to be kind and compassionate with ourselves throughout the healing journey. If this is something you identify with, I recommend journaling and observing your emotions regularly. Note your predominant mood and the situations that affect you. Consider your difficult emotions, as signposts pointing you to heal your inner child. It is once we undertake the journey into our inner child, that we discover the essence of our true self, beneath the concealed self.

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Why Those With A Troubled Past Find A Way To Create An Amazing Future

Understanding The Nature Of Pain

A troubled past is not a sentence for a deprived future. Our wounds can often be used to create a remarkable future if we perceive them through the lens of compassion and forgiveness.

Everybody has experienced pain and troubles in their life, however we mustn't stay mired in our problems but use them as insights to better understand ourselves. Our troubles do not mean we are flawed or lacking as many are led to believe. If we buy into this narrative, we are convinced what transpired is detrimental to our future. Our wounds are pivotal turning points which can reveal a greater depth of our human nature. They are helpful for better understanding pain and suffering so as to integrate them into our being.

I am drawn to Dr. Alex Lickerman's perspective who writes in The Undefeated Mind: On the Science of Constructing an Indestructible Self of the need to change the narrative of the past by witnessing it through the eyes of survivorship instead of victimhood: "Another way we might be able to improve our ability to manage pain is by retelling ourselves stories of previous painful experiences from a different perspective: not with a focus on the intensity of the pain we felt but on the fact we survived it. For if we survived a terrible episode of pain in the past, we can survive a similar episode of it in the present."

You are no more flawed by what took place than an oak tree that has weathered the storm over time. In fact, if you were to get up close you would realise how strong and resilient the tree is despite the forces of nature enacted upon it. Yet, it still stands tall because what doesn't break it allows it to grow in strength. The same principle is as apparent in our lives: what doesn't destroy us, advances us more than we realise. A troubled past can be a blessing that gives us clues to our purpose and destiny. Our scars are our battle wounds and should not be looked upon with shame but with courage knowing we faced our battles and emerged stronger. A troubled past is a gateway to strengthening our resolve and commitment to a better future.

Our Past Needn't Keep Us Stuck

I experienced difficulties in my youth. I rebelled against authority figures like my father, whose parenting style didn't suit me. I channelled my rebellious energy toward creative pursuits like painting murals on walls near train lines, so passengers travelling to work could see them. Thankfully, this phase of my life was short-lived and I grew out of it eventually. Upon reflection, this period served as a time to express my creativity, albeit in a nonconventional way. It was years later I was accepted into a Bachelor of Arts program to study Fashion Design at a prominent design school. Think about the periods of your own life where you may have rebelled. Do you look back and see how it now served you?

From my parent's viewpoint, I was a troubled youth partaking in dangerous and meaningless acts, while I considered it a period of self-expression. Decade's later here I am writing articles and books and helping people awaken their greatest potential because I dared to tap into my creative abilities. Whilst my story pales into insignificance compared to those who endured more troubling times, it shows how our past needn't keep us stuck but help advance us. Our wounds show we have danced with life and emerged victorious. Recall Dr. Lickerman's earlier quote where he invites us to see our troubles through the lens of a survivor instead of a victim? They are a reminder that life is continuously evolving and we mustn't hang our hats on what transpired but use it as a basis for better things to come.

Life can lead you in different directions and as the narrator and director you get to choose which path to follow. Leading on from my earlier question, how have your experiences shaped your present-day circumstances? Do you consider the past with regret and shame? Whilst this may be normal, if we're to appreciate the underlying lessons contained within our experiences, we can rewrite the future with a compelling narrative. We needn't anchor our boats to the past but allow it to sail into the open waters. Just as a boat creates a wake in its trail, it does so behind it not in front, which means our future is open to being written with a clean slate, if we will look upon our wounds with openness and compassion.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Why-Those-With-A-Troubled-Past-Find-A-Way-To-Create-An-Amazing-Future&id=9979987

Path to Happiness (Be Yourself)

Before I begin to share my knowledge and experience in this, I want to make it clear that I am not a highly learned individual, nor am I a reincarnation of such beings who has limitless wisdom throughout many lifetimes. This disclaimer is important, because the article is about the real you, and not someone who you'd want to be. In modern society, the scholars and pundits preach that, you should NEVER show your weakness or admit that you don't know. They consider it as a weakness and that you are setting yourself up for a failure from the beginning. But that's different in the philosophy that I practice. In my case, we were always taught to present yourself as inferior to the next person (perception is not reality), to show respect to all beings, to learn as much as you can to be better, so you can help limitless sentient beings. The danger of acting like you know everything, is that some in today's world will take it too far and stop learning. That's when it could become a tragedy. When reality sink in, and they realize that they are no better than the next person, or that they aren't well liked by others, then they resort to unimaginable things, which is a discussion for another topic. So we need to be honest with ourselves and be who we are, in order to find happiness.

So who am I and what is it that I'd like to share with you? I am a simple person just like your friends, who just happened to practice love, compassion, tolerance, un-attachment and contentment in my everyday life, to live a simple, happy, and a contented life. Over the past 40 years, I have learned to follow and practice those principles; while making mistakes, and correcting them. The goal is to become just a little smarter, happier, and more compassionate in my everyday life. I still make "unintentional" mistakes here and there, but doing my best to correct them, with remorse, and try not to repeat them again. It's like climbing a ladder of truth, without supervision. This is the foundation of seeking happiness. You need to be you, and you need to be honest with yourself. If you can't do that, then you need to be a good actor to deceive yourself, and people around you; and constantly be the person that you really aren't. That's an extremely difficult job. It's just a matter of time. Either you'll fail at it someday or someone will expose the real you and the real truth. Then instead of finding happiness, you create your own sorrow.

So what do you do, when pain and suffering strikes? How can you be you, and still tackle suffering and find happiness? How can you find happiness without pretending to be someone else? We know the easiest thing to do in such situation is to resolve to external things, beauty, and pleasure. But those are all temporary fixes to a non-temporary situation. Some advice others to renounce themselves, and take on another life, another name, and be someone else to find happiness. Some do it voluntarily to leave the self behind and become a completely different identity, with the hope that they'll leave the sorrow and pain behind as well. This is extremely dangerous. If my brother was having a difficult time in life, I wouldn't suggest him to change his name to Bill Gates, and act like Bill Gates, try to follow some religion or faith, and act like that is the savior. It's a very dangerous path that you lead someone into. Out of 1 million people who follow such advice, only 10 individuals may come out on the other side a little happier and more knowledgeable in dealing with suffering. Rest of the 999,990 will fail in such conversion and acting. This will lead to many devastating results. You may lose your family, friends, career and your precious time of your life pretending to be someone else. Worst case scenario, when you come back to the reality, would you be able to handle the reality of life again? Reality of life is Joy, Suffering, Happiness, and Pain. It's part of life. There's no escaping from that. All that glitters is not gold. You may see and envy people in power or people with money living an extravagant life. All you see is what's on the outside. You do not see their mental stress and problems. They go through the exact same joy, happiness, pain, and suffering in their life and their family's lives as we do. You need to understand that. So you can't be envious of other's glamour on Instagram or on TV. In most cases, this is exactly what they wanted you to see. Who in the world will showcase their family, business, and career problems on Instagram and TV? No one will do that. But everyone has these own issues in one form or the other. So there's no point in envying them, renouncing your life for someone else's. It won't bring you the eternal happiness.

So then how can you find the true happiness by being who you are? To practice this, you first need to come to terms with the reality of life. Reality of life is not all happiness and all fun, as mentioned before. It also has the negative side to it, which is pain and sorrow. After we accept the reality of life, then we need to find out how to avoid them, followed by how to deal with them as they come or arise. A lot of our problems are self-made. Of course those who cannot accept such statement will always find others to blame for the problems they "unintentionally" created in the first place. Let's take a simple example of stress in a business world. For a sales guy, stress in business is usually a result of not achieving the sales goals. Now the goals are set by us, humans. So you see where it's going? This is closely tied with our inability as a society to understand and practice contentment. In most cases, if you have made a decent profit in business, you shall celebrate. Now, due to our greed, we set high sales goals, and every day of our life, when we don't make that goal, we become sad and stressed. In all these days, the business is making profit, and can still function. But the only reason we are not satisfied is because of the high bar we created for ourselves. So such is a simple example of how our stress and problems are created. This is why I say that most of our stresses and issues are man-made or self-made. Now when such stress continue on a daily basis, the sales person will go home and show this unhappy attitude at home to wife and children as well. In process, he's making them all miserable. And is all caused by the human greed and not practicing contentment. There is a legitimate reason for us to feel sad, and that is when we don't succeed in business. This means, when the business is not making profit, then it's a legitimate cause for concern. In such problem, there are other solutions, which we can talk about another time. But in this example, the cause of our self-made stress is greed and our inability to practice contentment.

There are many more example of these problems that we create for ourselves in our daily lives, in many different professions. But today I just wanted to focus on finding happiness by being true to yourself and accepting the realities of life first. Always remember that the key to happiness is not located anywhere else in the world, but in your own heart. Sometimes we think money solves problems. No, trust me. Money brings temporary relief in some practical cases, but the problems of life will still be with us. So we need to be true to ourselves, in our abilities, and most importantly, we need to always find ways to better ourselves, so we can understand the true causes of our problems, and we strive to find solutions to each one of them.

May my observations and experiences help you in finding and identifying the causes of your various stresses and dealing with them in the most appropriate manner. Everything takes time. So learn by your mistake, and try not to make the same mistake again, which will eliminate one problem and stress at a time.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Path-to-Happiness-(Be-Yourself)&id=9925504

Are You Justifying Your Safety and Money Worries or Getting Free From Them?

These days on our planet, two primary worries run rampant-safety and money. You wonder if you can move about safely and get the resources you need and want.

Because of world events in the recent past, you might feel justified in feeling afraid for your safety, security, and well-being. News and politicians tell stories of who is to blame and who can be trusted-and you side with the stories you believe.

Yet what if these stories simply justify your worries rather than offering relief? Politics generally operates as a fear/guilt/blame game-which is an endless circle leading nowhere. You only see facts that support your current viewpoint and vehemently oppose those who see things otherwise. Nothing changes.

What we need is insight into what lies underneath our worries and how to heal them. Applying mindful attention to my own insecurities, I've discovered four helpful insights that create positive change.

1. Acknowledge the part you play in what is happening by the stories you tell

How are you participating in perpetuating the way things are? Do you have worries about safety and money? Because of these worries, how are you assigning guilt and blame? What stories are you participating in?

The stories you participate in hold you captive. They can keep you stuck in fear. To get free, you need to identify the stories that buy into fear as a basic orientation.

For example, do you buy the story that the world is filled with people who want to harm you? Do you buy the story that the economy is rigged for those who have against those who have not?

If you follow the news, it would be easy to buy into those stories. As a society, we are fascinated with trauma and drama-and somehow entertained by it-so, that's what the news provides. However, if you pay attention to your daily interactions, do these stories reflect the majority of your experiences with others?

If those worries were justified, most of the activities you take for granted would not be possible, such as driving safely to work, standing in an orderly line for checkout, and enjoying a night out for dinner or entertainment.

I'm not downplaying the fact that many people suffer horrendous acts of violence. This certainly happens. There are things we can do to work for peace, safety, and opportunity for all. But, supporting a mindset based on fear, guilt, and blame is not one of them.

There are close to seven billion people on the planet. How many are intentionally harming others? Conversely, how many are doing the best they can to live a good life and make a positive contribution?

What does your direct personal experience tell you about the majority of your interactions? Are the stories you habitually tell about the way things are justified when you look at a wider range of facts?

2. Insert a mindful pause and stop feeding fear

You perpetuate your worries by justifying them. When things don't go the way you want them to, out of all the facts available, you will likely choose those that support the stories of fear, guilt, and blame you are in the habit of telling.

What if you choose not to do this? After all, if you keep telling yourself the same stories using the same limited set of worn-out facts, you'll keep reliving the same experiences. What might happen if you pause more frequently before you enter the fear/guilt/blame game and decide not to dive in with your usual opinions?

3. Feel the emotional pain under fear and forgive

When you choose to mindfully pause instead of jumping into fear/guilt/blame, you open space to feel what is underneath your insecurities. Underneath fear is emotional pain.

All of us have a history of hurt we would like to forget. All of us have had moments that made us feel threatened or poor. When in the past have you felt unsafe? When have you not had what you needed and worried about how and if you would get it?

Perhaps your parents or grandparents lived through wars or the Great Depression and passed on stories of danger and poverty?

Perhaps you pick up on the stories you've heard on the news... And, you don't want to be one of those victims you've seen on the news!

When you face emotional pain, are present with it, non-judgmentally-and just feel it-something happens. You realize you can handle it-especially if you stop telling a big story about it. When you stay present with emotional pain, it shifts. It begins to dissipate, resolve, and heal. You gain insight into effective action to move forward.

One of the most effective actions to move forward is forgiveness.

Forgiveness frees you. It frees you from hanging onto the past and letting it determine your present and future. It frees you from repeating the same old stories of fear, guilt, and blame over and over again. It frees you to live in a fresh new moment. It frees you to see life in a whole new light, so you can make new choices.

Who, including yourself, is involved in your stories of pain, fear, guilt, and blame? Is it possible you and they were just doing the best that you could, given what you all knew at the time and what you'd all been through? That's not saying that what happened was O.K., good, right, or that you condone it. Just the opposite. Yet, what if hanging onto that pain perpetuates it?

Are you ready and willing to forgive yourself and others involved in your pain, so you can move forward?

You may or may not be ready to do that now.

When you are ready-and choose to forgive-you open space for different possibilities to emerge.

4. Have compassion for yourself and others

Once you identify stories of fear/guilt/blame, decide not to participate, feel the emotional pain underneath fear, and forgive yourself and others, you may be ready to do something new.

It can begin with simple appreciation for yourself and others in all your diversity of strengths and weaknesses. Once you've mindfully experienced the emotional pain underneath your fears, you are more sensitive to the pains others feel. Being in touch with the pain underneath fear, you naturally feel compassion, rather than fear, guilt, and blame.

You feel a natural desire to appreciate others for who they are and what they've been through. Instead of going through the day looking for reasons to worry, you look for opportunities to love. Love is courageous action. It dares to stare down fear and replace it with compassion.

The more we act from love and compassion instead of fear, guilt, and blame, the more our planet becomes a safe and abundant place to be.

Enjoy your practice!

https://ezinearticles.com/?Are-You-Justifying-Your-Safety-and-Money-Worries-or-Getting-Free-From-Them?&id=10004441

Be Authentic - Love Who You Are, Flaws and All

You are one of a kind! No two people in the entire world are the same. Both good and bad past life experiences have made you who you are today. The good times have helped you learn happiness, compassion and love. Even the difficult and grueling times in life have taught you strength and perseverance. Be authentic to you and honor your self as the unique being that you are, flaws and all.

So often, we tend to compare ourselves to others and this is so unfair. By comparing yourself to others, you do yourself a huge injustice because again, no two people are the same. Only you know the life you've lived and the lessons in life that you've learned. No other person on this earth has lived and learned, or are still learning to follow their path exactly the way you are today.

As an example, in the car dealership world, you can pick up a new car for the same price as everyone else. There's not much wiggle room when there are about a hundred of them on the lot with only one or two tiny differences. But if you're looking for a used car, you can be certain that your going to pay top dollar because there are no two used cars that are the same and the dealership know this. They play on that so that you love this car and when there are no others like it here or down the road, you'll pay more for it. You as a person are no different. Treasure yourself, your uniqueness and even your flaws, because they too, are what make you who you are.

Be authentic and accepting of yourself, flaws and all. If there's something you truly want to change, then do it, but love and accept yourself in the process. No one has lived what you lived, so you've earned it! Truly, each of us is our own worst critic and it certainly takes courage and self-respect to accept ourselves completely. See your value, take responsibility for who you are, the way you live, and your own happiness!

https://ezinearticles.com/?Be-Authentic---Love-Who-You-Are,-Flaws-and-All&id=9943762

An Ounce Of Help Is Better Than A Pound Of Preaching

It's very difficult to console someone who is down. Criticism won't help but a listening heart can. Feeling what someone else is going through is already a comfort. Understanding and empathy is better than a pound of preaching because of a mistake. Blaming won't help either. Though, it's easier to find fault with other people but it's different when your compassion is what they needed.

Acknowledge that you understand the person's feelings. Sometimes people want to seek advice or a solution to their problem. But as seen, they usually want to vent their feelings. This is especially true for women. So, just listen. Let that the other person to talk, so that they can sort their feelings themselves; they may not even be able to articulate why they're feeling down, unless you draw it out of them.

Never minimize their pain or try to cheer them up. When faced with tears, sometimes we insist that whatever they're upset about is no big deal. Don't trivialize their experience, but walk through it with them. Put yourself on their shoes so that you can easily understand what they've been through. Words may not be that trivial but the way you respond to a situation matters.

Sometimes people don't want to talk and just want to be held in silence. They also just want to feel that they are not alone. So, your presence is already enough to comfort them. Even if you won't offer consoling words, the mere fact that you stay with them is already a relief.

In such circumstance, the person typically feels better after having shared the burden in their heart, and the pain fades eventually. Having someone who is willing to listen and will never judge you despite your flaws is a gift. How on earth I survive life's struggle if I don't have a friend whom I can lean on especially when I am so down and depressed.

Money is nothing compared to a friend who can help you without extending any monetary budget to you. If a problem is not resolve yet, she can offer you a solution to improve the situation without pressuring you to do it. She always listens. Even if she also has problems of her own.

With someone who's sad not because of an isolated event, but because they suffer from disappointments, just talk to her and listen. Excess rumination is not only ineffective in alleviating depressed feelings, it can also worsen them.

Scolding and preaching won't help a person who is in pain. Just let the person know that you understand what they're going through, that you're sorry they're going through it, and that your shoulder is always available for them to cry one and that's enough.

https://ezinearticles.com/?An-Ounce-Of-Help-Is-Better-Than-A-Pound-Of-Preaching&id=9774780

Managing The Heartbreak of Not Being Seen or Heard

Take a few minutes right now and think back to your childhood. Do you remember a time when you felt deeply unseen, unheard, misunderstood?

How did you feel at that time? You likely felt crushed, shattered, heartbroken, lonely and helpless over your parent, caregiver, teacher, sibling or friend. But these are very big feelings - way too big for a child. What did you do? Did you shut down and numb your feelings in some way, or did you cry, get angry, seek revenge or go into resistance?

Do you remember a different time, when you felt deeply seen, heard and understood? Did you ever feel this, or do you have no memory of ever being fully received? Was there no one you could turn to for help, comfort and understanding?

Too many children grow up never being fully received - never feeling fully seen, valued, heard and understood - never feeling grokked. ('Grok' is a term coined by Robert Heinlein in his wonderful book "Stranger In a Strange Land." We feel 'grokked' when we are deeply seen, heard and understood.)

When we didn't feel grokked, we needed to protect ourselves from feeling the shattering pain of this, so we developed our many protections to avoid our feelings and attempt to have control over others seeing and hearing us. But the conundrum of this is that we will never be grokked when we are protecting ourselves with our various addictive controlling behaviors.

The challenge for all of us as adults is to learn to manage the intense heartbreak of not being seen or heard. Learning to manage the shattering feeling of heartbreak in our body can be very hard - especially if we experienced trauma from abuse.

Learning to Manage Heartbreak and Helplessness over Others

The very first skill you need to develop is learning to be kind to yourself and hopefully learn to feel compassion for yourself. Kindness and compassion for yourself lets your inner child know that YOU are seeing, hearing and understanding yourself - that you grok yourself. When you judge yourself for your painful feelings, you are letting your inner child know that you are not seeing and valuing yourself. This rejection of yourself causes even more pain.

Even if you can't yet tolerate the feelings of heartbreak, loneliness and helplessness from not being seen and valued, and even if you can't yet feel self-compassion, practice being very kind to all your feelings - even if you feel numb.

Compassion is not a feeling we generate in our own being. It's a feeling we open to and invite in. It is a gift of Spirit, and when you open to learning about loving yourself with your higher self, you can consciously invite compassion into your heart.

If you know that you were traumatized and perhaps suffer from PTSD, it's vitally important to receive trauma therapy. You can learn the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and the Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) online, and you can work with a facilitator with Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Somatic Experiencing (SE), or other very helpful and healing trauma therapies. The important thing is to heal your body enough so that you can tolerate feeling the heartbreak of not being grokked, and learn to manage it rather than avoid it.

Without being able to feel your feelings, you won't be able to see and hear yourself. You will continue to reject and abandon yourself as you were rejected and abandoned.

Deep healing comes when you learn to grok yourself - to see, hear and deeply value who you are and all that you feel. Often, this means that you first need to feel deeply seen and valued by another, which is what occurs in good therapy or facilitation.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Managing-The-Heartbreak-of-Not-Being-Seen-or-Heard&id=9403040

Deadpool's Lifelong Battle With Anxiety

He's crude.

He's funny.

He's zany.

He heals.

Deadpool is a former military officer, turned anti-hero after a cancer-treatment gone wrong - leaving him with healing powers.

But there's more than meets the eye with golden-globe nominated Deadpool actor, Ryan Reynolds. You'd never guess it but he struggles with anxiety. In fact, before every talk-show interview he fills with dread and gets sick to his stomach - sometimes convinced he might croak.

Even though Deadpool is not everyone's cup of cranberry juice. There's a barrel-full of lessons we can all take a swig from - especially when facing off against anxiety or crushing uncertainty.

Here we go:

Deadpool's Five Lessons From Wresting Anxiety

1. Channel Fear Into Something Constructive

When Reynolds did TV sitcoms, he would warm up the audience, which was mostly to set himself at ease and channel his panic into something constructive. Likewise, he uses the character of Deadpool in the same way (one reason he prefers doing TV interviews as the super-hero - not himself).

2. Takes Time to Heal Himself

Just like in the movie, when Deadpool is clobbered or knocked off a bridge he needs time to heal and regain his strength. In the same way, Reynolds takes time to recharge and rejuvenate by daily meditation.

3. Skills Emerge From Setbacks

Reynolds grew up under a strict and unpredictable father. He was tough on others. Tough on himself. And rarely open up:

"I always wanted that father that was like Wilford Brimley,

who would put me on his lap and just dispense incredible life

advice and guidance."

But that wasn't his Dad. Reynolds always tried to yank conversation out of him. But only got brief, knee-jerk responses. Never exposing much. Or sharing much. So he felt distanced from him.

The hardest part for me is that he was always kind of a mystery.

I just don't feel like I ever had a real conversation with him.

-Ryan Reynolds

But out of that pain, emerged a humor, compassion and skill for listening closely to others. And eventually he learned: "At some point, you just kinda gotta live and let go."

4. Knowing The Anxiety Will Float Away

Even when he's sweating bullets, jittery, or about to prance into interview there's one belief he's built over the years and that is "these feelings will pass"

5. Embracing Yourself Even Without A Mask

He used to get anxious at the thought of saying something that:

1. Revealed his ignorance about a subject

2. Could be misunderstood

So he'd crack jokes and handle conversations at a surface level - never diving any deeper. Over the years though, he's embraced that he's smart but he's also embraced that he can be an "idiot" too - and being okay with being both.

Key words:

"Being okay with being both"

Because sometimes we forget that we're allowed to be both.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Deadpools-Lifelong-Battle-With-Anxiety&id=9973960

Empowered Compassion Offers You a Path Straight to Time Success

                 

Genuine self-empowerment requires both realism and compassion. Only then can you develop the resilience to flex without giving yourself away. And as compassion becomes a way of life, you thrive by relating as a human, not a superhuman.

Any place you start exploring and experimenting with Empowered Compassion™ is fine. Just remember, any growthful change works best when you start small and work up.

These 7 tips will help you take your first steps.

TIP #1:

Empowered Compassion™ draws its strength from your embracing the responsibility to be all you can be.

When you truly care about yourself, you naturally want to assume full responsibility for your life. As you grow your autonomy, you provide for your own needs. Not only that, but you make use of the choices that don't work out, learning useful lessons from ALL of your experiences.

TIP #2:

Empowered Compassion™ is grounded in the present moment.

You focus on how you can stand in your power right now. You don't immobilize yourself with fears of the future. You don't torture yourself with past regrets. Instead, you fully exercise your power in the one moment that exists - this one!

TIP #3:

Empowered Compassion™ helps you put unresolved anger in perspective.

The more you develop your own power, the less energy you spend recycling old grievances. Self-reference consolidates your power in your own choices. Focusing on how you can help yourself in the present becomes the top priority. Not only that, but as you embrace your own humanity, you accept others' fallibility more readily, too.

TIP #4:

Empowered Compassion™ overcomes self-criticism.

Living from this place, you create a climate where there is no room for self-criticism. Self-criticism feeds on unrealistic standards and a fundamental lack of self-respect. Empowered Compassion™ is pragmatic, realistic and kind. The more you value autonomy, the more you naturally support your strength and success.

TIP #5:

Empowered Compassion™ promotes authenticity.

You are befriending who you really are. By relating with honesty and directness, you stand on firm ground and are able to give your all. This is a very powerful way to live! Each time you step out and risk more fully, you invalidate past messages that say you need to hide behind a mask. You effectively replace those distortions with powerful, concrete confirmations of the fact that you belong in the world.

TIP #6:

Empowered Compassion™ is easy to distinguish from self-pity.

Self-pity blames and defends. It protects whatever you did that didn't work. On the other hand, when you relate from a place of Empowered Compassion™, you don't waste time scrambling for excuses. Your interest is in figuring out what works, and you give yourself every opportunity to enjoy success as you move forward.

TIP #7:

Empowered Compassion™ is a step-by-step process.

Rather than view this as a lofty goal, think of it simply as a way of befriending yourself right now. Every small step you take to support yourself helps! A little bit at a time, you will grow in thoughtfulness and realism, and outworn patterns will gradually lose their hold over you.

Right here, right now is just the place to be!

https://ezinearticles.com/?Empowered-Compassion-Offers-You-a-Path-Straight-to-Time-Success&id=10125075

Are Anxious Thoughts Controlling You?

Anxiety is not an uncommon occurrence. However, it becomes a problem, when our anxious thoughts prevent us from performing routine tasks or keep us from pursuing our dreams and goals.

Feeling anxious, starts as a thought. The anxiety that a thought generates, can come on so quickly, that sometimes, we cannot discern which came first. Feelings are like a built-in GPS. They let us know when our thinking is on-track or off-track. Off-track feelings keep us revved up, angry, fearful and tense. We cannot think clearly and we shut-down. On-track thoughts energize us in a way that is focused, but not frenetic. When our thoughts are on-track, we feel peaceful, content, grateful, we have compassion for those around us, and we are more creative.

If something that happened in the past, is tormenting you or holding you hostage, I can imagine the stress you are feeling. I have experienced it myself. If you are tired of the limiting hold that a past experience has on your life, I hope you will open your mind to the possibility that the path to freedom lies within you.

The past is nothing more than shadows on a wall. It exists only in our thoughts. We get ourselves in trouble, when we drag a past event in to the present and treat it as if it were happening today. A painful memory that controls us to the point that we cannot leave our home, or do the things we want to do, indicates that we are focusing too much energy on something that is nothing more than a thought.

We misuse the wonderful gift of thought, when we use it to torture, scare and paralyze ourselves. We put ourselves into a state of distress, when we give too much attention to our thoughts, or take our thoughts too seriously. We berate ourselves for past mistakes and then wonder why we feel bad.

So, what can we do about thoughts that cause us distress? Should we replace them with positive thoughts? You try to do that, but I believe that is way too much work. Actually, troublesome thoughts will evaporate on their own, when we do not put our attention on them. When we stop giving so much attention to thoughts that scare us, our anxiety will subside, maybe even vanish. It's that easy.

You know as well as I do, that giving attention to anxiety producing thoughts, does not benefit you in any way. More than likely, focusing on those thoughts, has the opposite impact on your well-being. It is not a matter of letting go of unpleasant thoughts, as much as it is a matter of not grabbing on to them in the first place. I know it sounds too simple, but give it a try. You have nothing to lose, but your anxiety.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Are-Anxious-Thoughts-Controlling-You?&id=9896263

Be The Eye Of The Storm

To be the eye of the storm and remain calm during times of conflict, stress, or worry is not an easy task to perform but it is something that anyone can learn with a little discipline. As you have heard it before, life is ten percent of what happens to you and ninety percent on how you respond to it.

So, how do you come down and keep your cool? What can you do when life throws curve balls at you? In what way can you deal with stressful situations or people?

The eye of the storm is usually a period during a storm when things stay calm. However, this does not mean that it is over. Things may just get worse. No matter of what is happening around you and in your life, it is all relative to the way you perceive things and how you handle them.

You surely know that you are never at your best when you are stressed. As a matter of fact, your brain has evolved over hundreds of years to automatically release cortisol in any stressful circumstances, hindering rational and logical thinking.

It is created in such a way to potentially help you survive, say, in case of any danger you may encounter. When you are stressed, cortisol which is toxic is released, while in turn, stress raises your heart rate, modulates adrenaline levels and even clouds your thinking.

Therefore, it is not the best thing for our bodies or mental states to experience. So, to remain the eye of the storm in most stressful situations, there are a few ways you can learn to avoid making critical mistakes. When your thoughts become clouded, the idea is to think ahead to what those fiascos might be.

How Can You Begin Being the Eye of the Storm

Just like any ocean, sea, river, body of water or thunderstorm in this world, the surface is always susceptible to change. But if you go further in, such as in the deeper waters or the center, you can find calmness and the power you need to turn into the eye of the storm.

You need to learn the skill of separating what you perceive or feel in a situation from its reality. You have to understand that the things that happen around you are not meant to be directed only to you and do not matter nearly as much as you think they are.

Some people struggle their entire life and seem like they have nothing, yet they have so much love in their hearts and so much compassion that they want to give to the world. On the other hand, some individuals have everything, yet they are full of bitterness, sadness, and hate.

To begin being calm and become the eye of the storm, you have to realize and see that your feelings, emotions, opinions, thoughts, and perception are often completely independent of anything going on in the world around you.

Staying Calm in the Midst of the Storm

Most of us take things personally by believing that situations or others are intentionally provoking us. We have difficulties with peers, financial misfortunes, and get other frustrations that seem to drag us out of our zones of comfort. When it happens to us, it pushes us into a negative state of being we do not want to be in.

So, even when you are the eye of the storm, there will always be something, or someone, to annoy, bother, infuriate, upset, or burden you. The important thing here is that you have to stay calm in the midst of the storm. As you do, you feel a peace and harmony that exceeds all understanding.

Real peace is when you do not allow misfortune, trouble, struggle, conflict, and challenges all around you on the outside to get on the inside. So, do not let the storm overcome you. Rather, be the eye of the storm, which is a place of serenity and tranquility that you can go to in periods of stress.

Accessing the Eye of the Storm

You have to consider that you are conscious and aware. You are not the elements of what your perception or consciousness creates because those are your experiences. It is not you. Therefore, when it is time to cut off from the turmoil around you, you have to access the eye of the storm.

However, you need to be the eye of the storm at any moment, even when you have to take immediate action based on what is going on. Let me remind you that being the eye of the storm does not mean you are detached and disengaged but rather the exact opposite.

You and only you can access the focus, drive, intuition, gut instinct, inner guidance and lucidity to do exactly what needs to be done. But then, are there systems or things that you can learn and use that would prevent bad things from happening or could have the likelihood of minimizing catastrophes?

Connecting with the Eye of the Storm

You should remember that you are always in control of your internal world, no matter how helpless you feel in the face of the world around you. How? Well, simply because of your imagination. It is a system and place you can continuously go to form the reality you want and improve your experience.

Your imagination transforms your mental experience in real-time. It also sends out your intentions which are like planting seeds for what you desire to manifest in your physical experience. The more you connect with the eye of the storm by remaining calm and focus on the life you want to be living; the more doors will open for you in your physical reality. As you probably know, it is called the Law of Attraction.

At the current moment, your physical reality might feel like you are confined in a dungeon. However, there is an endless number of places you could imagine going. So, begin to access this high power!

Tips to Be the Eye of the Storm

You should look ahead and look at all the things that could go wrong, and then try to figure out what you can do to prevent those things from happening or to minimize the damage. There are obvious things you can do, while there are some which are not so obvious.

• When feeling stressed, imagine a place of peace such as the summit of a mountain, a boat on the ocean, a beach on an island, or an audience who is enjoying your performance.
• Get control of your self-talk because thoughts become things.
• Overwrite negative thoughts with positive ones if you want to be the eye of the storm.
• Use positive statements and repeat them over and over. Saying them out loud is more powerful.
• Practice box breathing. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4 and then hold again for 4. Do this a few times to cool down.
• In your house, designate a place for quiet moments you can go to if you need it anytime. Around your home, select a spot to put things that are consistently lost and be scrupulous about it. So that when you look for your car keys or your passport, it will always be there when you look for them.
• Take pictures of your travel documents, credit card, passport, and more and email it to yourself so that if things are lost or stolen, you can facilitate their replacement.

So now, realize that you can override anything you want. You do not have to argue about a matter that arises or let circumstances or anyone affect your emotions anymore. Remember that you can make a choice to debate, discuss, contest, get hurt, or be the eye of the storm by overlooking, forgiving, letting go, leaving, or changing what is occurring in your life. It is all up to you!

https://ezinearticles.com/?Be-The-Eye-Of-The-Storm&id=9796269

What If This Was Your Last Day?

If today was your last day on earth, how would you like to spend it? Would it be the same as a regular day or would you spend it differently? How different would it be?

Following is a list of stuff that I would like to do differently if this was my last day. Read on.

1. I would be full of compassion and act kind towards everyone I meet.
2. I would send greetings emails to my sisters who live abroad and call my brother late in the evening after he gets back home from work.
3. I would order something from Food Panda and share it with Mom.
4. I would write my will, saying how I would want my life savings to be split.
5. I would call my favorite aunt and have a chitchat with her.
6. I would open my personal Facebook account and see which of my friends are online and knock those I feel like at the moment and chat with them.
7. I would visit my Dad's grave and say a silent prayer.
8. I would pray a silent prayer for myself.
9. I would visit the nearest orphanage center and cancer hospital and talk to those orphans or sick people. I would donate generously to their funds.
10. I would walk in mother nature and get connected to the Divine Earth and experience joy. I would do it for a while until I have consumed enough energy. I would walk back home happily.
11. I would buy candies and chocolates abundantly and give them away to the children of my community. Watching the beautiful smiles on their faces, I would start smiling a lot myself.
12. I would keep some time for myself for self-care. I would shampoo my hair and shower. I would cut off my finger and toe nails. I would put powder on my face in the heated summer time. I would put lotion on my hands and feet. I would decorate my face and wear a perfume.
13. I would listen to the audio tracks of my favorite songs by John Denver and Abba. I would be in perfect spirit. The music will heal my fears and agonies.
14. I would like to have a light meal at the end of the day and go to pleasant sleep, a while later, thinking probably I would die in my sleep as the doctor said this was my last day. It would be an amazing miracle if I do open my eyes in the morning and prove to my doctor that he was wrong all along.

Summing up, this is how I would tackle my day if it were the last, facing everything courageously and jubilantly. How would you confront your day if this was the end of your journey on this mighty planet? Would you slump down and regret or pass time fruitfully and happily like me only to realize that you would live longer - much longer than your doctor ever anticipated?

https://ezinearticles.com/?What-If-This-Was-Your-Last-Day?&id=10180600

Compassion and Kindness

In our daily life we often experience emotions and sensitivity in our surroundings and beyond the physical boundaries. These feelings are either related to human beings or otherwise yet make us reflect and initiate actions to circumvent hurdles or explore the benefits that affects us in many ways. It is necessary to comprehend the structural meaning and context of compassion and kindness within and outside its conceptual boundaries.

The etymology of "compassion" is Latin, meaning "co-suffering." Compassion involves "feeling for another" and is a precursor to empathize, the "feeling as another" capacity for better person-centered acts of active compassion; in common parlance active compassion is the desire to alleviate another's suffering (ref: Wikipedia). One can notice that compassion is also closely related to physicians, a human factor. In other words, it is their attributes while practicing medical service.

The holy script in Quran emphasizes compassion and commences with these words, "Bismillah Ar-Rahman, Ar-Raheem," which means, 'In the name of Allah Who is Beneficent and Merciful.' If people recite rhetorically, then its impact becomes less effective, however, reciting with reflection will reveal its profoundness.

If you reflect on the past, say about more than a century ago, we can recollect the compassion as publicly displayed by people with all their sincerity. This has unequivocally and evidently established that most of the people have humanitarian values and less materialistic attachments. Therefore, the values have its profound effect when words described its meaning in the context in which it is used. On the contrary, peripheral meaning and a cursory glance over the words or sentences have either no effect or its impact is least effective. Hence, the cultural, social or political impact of words is directly proportional to its values it subscribed.

If we do critical analysis or objective assessment, then our aim should be to explore the values for which these expressions are used. The result will show the growth of people and their impact on the society.

William Wordsworth says: "That best portion of a good man's life is,

His little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love."

It is described that compassion and kindness played an analytical role when these words become debatable. Both are related to human values, yet critical analysis indicates that there is a difference between compassion and kindness. The former is a feeling of someone's suffering and the latter is to extend help others in need of help. Compassion is more productive in not only rendering timely help but also evolves, ways and means to avoid such recurrences. Whereas, kindness is a short-term help to fix the problem at that moment only.

When books were being written on the hero and hero-worship, it emphasized that a nation's character develops in the character of their hero. When heroes shape up the people's character, then a healthy society is evolved displaying their compassion and kindness. It does not matter most follow or minority carry the baton and become the beacon of light to the coming generation.

Here, it is important to caution and advice to younger generations or people who are involved head over heel in compassion or kindness. It may lead to compassion fatigue or stress. Charles Figley, a university professor, says this happens when an individual is heavily involved in excessive information of people's suffering. However, according to Tania Singer and Matthieu Ricard (a Director of social neuroscience and a writer and the Buddhist Monk respectively), lack of suitable stress tolerance which gets people fatigued in compassion activities. It is suggested that whatever may be the cause or reason, an individual or a group should adopt a median path so that optimum results are achieved. It will help them to maintain a healthy body and mind making the youngster to enjoy and get satisfaction.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Compassion-and-Kindness&id=9936970

How to Recognize Compassion Fatigue

Nurses are particularly vulnerable to compassion fatigue in the specialty areas of intensive care, mental health, pediatrics, and oncology because they enter lives of others during times of critical illness becoming partners as opposed to observers in their patient's health. It is essential that nurses are aware of work stressors and warning signs of compassion fatigue so that work-life balance can be maintained.

Compassion fatigue is not the same as burnout, although they are related. Compassion fatigue is the profound emotional and physical exhaustion that develops over a course of time. It is the gradual erosion of all the things that keep us connected to each other as caregivers. When compassion fatigue begins to set in, we see changes in our personal and professional lives. We can become bitter at work; we may add to the toxic work environment; we are more prone to medical errors; and we may violate client boundaries. At home, we may become short-tempered with out loved ones and feel a sense of guilt or resentment at the ongoing demands on our personal time. This is the "cost of caring".

Burnout is the physical and emotional exhaustion that you experience when you have low job satisfaction and feel powerless and overwhelmed at work. Burnout does not mean that our view of the world has been damaged or that we have lost the ability to feel compassion for others. Individuals who are non-helping professionals experience work-related burnout. Burnout can be easily resolved by changing jobs that provides immediate relief. This is not the case for compassion fatigue.

To develop your warning scale, you must increase your awareness of your own symptoms of compassion fatigue. Do you have any of the following symptoms?

Physical Signs of Compassion Fatigue

• Physical exhaustion - feeling depleted not just tired
• Insomnia or hypersomnia
• Headaches and migraines
• Increased susceptibility to illness
• Somatization and hypochondria

Behavioral Signs and Symptoms

• Increased use of alcohol and drugs
• Other addictions (shopping, workaholic, compulsive eating)
• Absenteeism from work
• Anger and irritability (two key symptoms of compassion fatigue)
• Exaggerated sense of responsibility
• Avoidance of clients (not responding timely)
• Impaired ability to make decisions
• Forgetfulness
• Problems in personal relationships
• Attrition (quitting or taking extended time off)
• Compromised care for clients

Psychological Signs and Symptoms

• Emotional exhaustion (the hallmark of compassion fatigue)
• Distancing; avoiding friends and family
• Negative self-image
• Depression
• Reduced ability to feel sympathy and empathy
• Cynicism and embitterment (not supporting new ideas; eye-rolling at a new nurse)
• Resentment
• Dread of working with certain clients
• Feeling professional helplessness
• Diminished sense of enjoyment/career
• Depersonalization
• Heightened anxiety or irrational fears
• Increased sense of personal vulnerability
• Inability to tolerate strong feelings
• Problems with intimacy
• Hypervigilance
• Hypersensitivity (crying over simple things)
• Insensitive to emotional content
• Loss of hope
• Difficulty separating personal and professional lives
• Failure to nurture and develop non-work-related aspects of life

Make it Personal - What are YOUR warning signs? Take some time to answer the following questions.

1. What S/S stand out most for me?
2. What S/S do I bring home with me most often?
3. What S/S do I experience at work?
4. What do I have to lose if I don't deal with the effects of this "occupational hazard"?
5. What do I stand to gain if I move toward improved self-care?
6. Who will be the biggest supporters of my self-care?

https://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Recognize-Compassion-Fatigue&id=9677010

What Burns Our Thirsty Souls

The soul is the place where the life force resides, from the first life breath that began our lifetime to the moment our last and final breath is expelled. This is the most sacred place in the human body; yet all too easily its existence is ignored as it thirsts for the best we can become to materialize. A thirsty soul is the result of ignoring and failing to cultivate the traits that set us apart from other life forms. Compassion, empathy, kindness, sympathy and even remorse for wrong actions all provide the nourishment that refreshes our soul. Our highest consciousness exists within our soul. Ignoring these traits effectively burns our soul, leaving a seared consciousness that has no conscience. No integrity, morality, principles or ethics exist in the person with a seared conscience; the very best any person could be becomes buried in the rubble of resistance to those higher traits.

It is against human nature to violate the behaviors that set us above the animal kingdom. Our instincts are to first survive and then to thrive in our environment. We were all born with the ability to dream bigger dreams, to believe in things we could not see and to achieve what appeared to be an impossible dream. Only when we have lost our way do we reach a state of seared conscience. If you think all is lost, take counsel; your cries are heard, passing through the darkness, filtered by the clouds they mingle with starlight and find their way to the touch of the Master's hand. Be at peace; be calm.

Though you have no memory of the hand that was placed on your soft brow as you inhaled your first breath of life, know that dreams and seeds of great hope accompanied that first breath. The child who was you was uncorrupted by failure and knew it was all possible. It was this which inspired you to lay your head on a soft field of grass, look into the fluffy clouds above you and see what no one else could. This was dreaming, the earliest from of seeing what could be.

Where did it all go, the grace that was your style, the agile figure, the precision of your movement, the clarity of your mind, the brilliance of your words? It was not a thief who stole these treasures from you but you and you alone who bartered them for something far less than you ever dreamed of. Doubt, fear anxiety and hate fill a life corrupted by failure; one that is filled with quick fixes, an easier path, greed and a thirst for power become the foundation for these losses that result in a thirsty soul. There is no room for those joyful memories where these emotions reside. This is a dark path filled with sorrow. The path back to your own personal greatness requires new choices.

Only when you are willing to relinquish these human traits of failure can you return to the dreams and promise that was instilled in your first breath. These learned habits, like every human habit, must be replaced with a healthy and joyful one to release the control they hold over you. It is a return to the light of your existence. Is it possible? Light always overcomes darkness. It is the reason a single candle light can be seen on the darkest night up to three miles away. We were created to see the light!

https://ezinearticles.com/?What-Burns-Our-Thirsty-Souls&id=10059611

Loving Yourself Can Heal Fear

"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do, provided he keeps doing them until he gets a record of successful experiences behind him." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

I know from my own experiences that what Eleanor Roosevelt said in the above quote is very true.

• I used to be scared to speak up for myself or speak my truth, and now I do it easily.
• I used to be afraid of public speaking or doing radio or TV shows, and now I do these easily.
• I used to be scared to be in my power, and now it's natural for me.
• I used to be afraid of confrontation and conflict, and now I welcome these experiences in order to learn from them.
• I used to be scared that if I opened to learning with my higher guidance, there would be nothing there, and now I know that I'm never alone and am always being guided.
• I used to be afraid of my deeper painful feelings, and now I embrace them with love and compassion and allow them to move through me. I now know that I can lovingly manage them and that they won't overwhelm me.
• I used to be afraid to write, and now writing flows easily.

We can't talk ourselves out of fear, which is what our ego wounded-self tries to do. When we choose to operate as a loving adult with a strong motivation to love ourselves, then we don't put our inner child out there alone to do something we are afraid of doing.

For example, when I first started public speaking and teaching - before Spirit brought us inner work - I was very scared of not knowing what to say or of forgetting what I wanted to say. I was scared that I would get so nervous that I wouldn't be able to talk. After I started to practice inner work, I realized that I had been putting my inner child out there to do the teaching. Of course she was scared! It was not a job for my inner child!

Now, before I speak or teach or do a radio or TV show, I make sure to tell my inner child that this isn't her job - that it's the job of my loving adult allowing my higher self to speak through me. Instead of trying to control what I say, I surrender to my higher guidance and allow her to be the speaker and teacher.

After doing this many times, the fear went away.

Healing Fear Through Loving Yourself

The more my inner child knows that I am here loving myself through fear, the safer she feels with things that used to feel very scary. Healing fear through loving myself means:

• Consistently showing up as a loving adult so that my inner child doesn't feel alone with scary things.
• Being willing to do the scary things over and over until the positive experiences become part of my neural pathways.
• Letting my inner child know that it's okay to make mistakes and to fail, and that my worth and lovability are not attached to outcomes.
• Valuing my willingness to try new and scary things so that my inner child feels valued for the effort rather than for the outcome.
• Being compassionate rather than critical with my feelings when things don't turn out the way I want.
• Letting go of having to know ahead of time whether or not something is best for me and being willing to trust what I want and the information I receive from my guidance regarding what is in my highest good - willing to go with the flow of life rather than trying to control it.

I encourage you to start doing what you want to do rather than allowing fear to stop you, and see what happens!

https://ezinearticles.com/?Loving-Yourself-Can-Heal-Fear&id=9674886

Accepting the Flow of the Universe

When we say "Yes!" to what life brings, we are living in the flow. Of course, this is much easier said than done. To focus our attention on the positive, loving aspects of our existence, and turn away from the irritating situations, is the key to feeling akin to the current of life rather than fighting life. Yet, how do we do this? How do we master our minds, which are sometimes fueled by self-righteousness and self-will, and become the humble participant in life who is here to contribute our best, rather than dwell in negativity?

The answer is to cultivate mindfulness, along with a powerful faith in the goodness of life. Many spiritual teachers who have gone before us have left their imprint on humanity. They shared with us a more transcendent way of living, one which can bring fulfillment. At the core of the values these teachers espoused was the concept of acceptance.

Consider the Tibetan monk, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, who lost his country through violence and is now teaching people worldwide about peace. His Holiness has stated that "compassion is the pillar of world peace." The Dalai Lama is showing us that humankind can overcome difficult obstacles through kindness. Although leaving his country of birth was not in his life's plan, he has made the best of the situation and has contributed greatly by surrendering to the flow of where life brought him.

Each of us is presented with situations that may seem too daunting or too difficult to handle with love. Yet, I know from experience that learning to rely on my faith in the infinite and divine universal source made all the difference between feeling like life's victim, and feeling empowered to go with the flow. After my mother's sudden death, I was horrified, angry, and overwhelmed with grief. And though I understood that acceptance was the only answer, I still needed to pray for forgiveness to fill my heart for the doctor and the nurses at the nursing home. I had to move forward in my life and turn my grief into something positive. For myself, it was giving to others, but there are many ways in which the divine universe tests us, and meeting those challenges is almost never easy.

Sometimes it is hard to see the lesson and gift in the circumstances that seem out of the flow, especially for those small, but annoying instances in life-the noisy neighbor, our always-late friend, the barking dog. These are the times, however, when we get to put into practice our hours of meditation and mindfulness practice, and accept with compassion this new presence in our lives. We must simply remind ourselves that we are all souls on a journey and that people are sometimes unconscious of their effect on others. When we refuse to personalize the disturbance the universe has brought into our world and instead seek to conquer the chaos in our minds, then we are rewarded with not only more peaceful lives, we can also rejoin the flowing life.

Life may not always bring roses and riches but by learning to say "Yes!" to what life offers, and by learning to apply the mantra of acceptance to life events both small and large, we open ourselves to the gift of living in the flow. In the gentle and wise words of the Dalai Lama, "we can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves."

https://ezinearticles.com/?Accepting-the-Flow-of-the-Universe&id=9619590

Transforming Negative Emotions Into Positive Feelings and Actions Part 3

Emotions and Relationships

The following basic operating principles are the foundation of good relationships:

1.) Acceptance/Non-Judgment

2.) Love and all its aspects including respect, kindness, caring, attention, understanding, generosity, forgiveness, honesty, integrity, attention.

3.) Open and Assertive Communication.

4.) Clear Boundaries

5.) Validation of the other person.

It's important to be aware that when people behave in negative ways, they are in pain of some kind. We all do that. Instead of reacting, we can ask them why they are in so much pain that they would act that way, and how we can help. Empathy and compassion have solved many problems. It's much more productive than an ego response of striking back or feeling hurt. It's also important not to take it personally; it's a reflection on them, not you. We have to decide the best course of action with a balance of boundaries and empathy. Both are needed.

Here are some ways to transform negative feelings in relationships:

1.) Ask yourself what is the purpose of each relationship you have. Are you fulfilling it? What can you do to improve it? What are you to give, to receive and to learn? Focused reflection can reveal solutions.

2.) What is the life lesson you are learning from this relationship? What are you learning about yourself? Is it self-esteem in the face of criticism? Speaking up for yourself? Changing to a more positive attitude? Being a better parent, friend or partner? Is it learning to take a risk? Be more generous? Learning compassion? Learning boundaries? Becoming non-judgmental? Taking action toward your dream?

3.) How are you treating others? Your true spirituality or need for growth are reflected in how you treat everyone you encounter.

4.) See the other person in a new light, a new understanding. Get inside their shoes in a deeper way. What are their strengths/weaknesses? What are they learning? How do they need to grow? What are their challenges and pressures? What are their hopes and dreams? What are the lessons they are navigating at the moment? These questions help us understand the negative behaviors of others and we can then be more tolerant and understanding.

5.) What are the positive qualities you are developing in this relationship? Love, strength, forgiveness, respect, tolerance of differences, faith, peace, service to others, confidence, kindness, honesty, unselfishness, empathy, boundaries, reliability, joy? Focus on developing these personal qualities, especially the ones that will help you solve your problem. Relationships are the ground for tremendous, if difficult, personal growth.

6.) Forgiveness allows us to be free of emotions that linger and fester. To forgive means to let go. We simply stop thinking about the incident for our own well- being and say goodbye to it. When we are rude or make a mistake, we hope that others will understand that we aren't proud of our behavior but were stressed or in pain. Everyone makes many mistakes; we need to let go and not carry a grudge to be able to continue growing and connecting to people. Even if we choose to sever a relationship for our well-being letting go of the emotional memory is important to keep us positive and moving forward, not stuck in the past emotions. Forgiving self when we say or do something we'd like to take back is essential too. Each day, clean yourself from negative feelings about self.

Negative Emotions about self. These can be false beliefs that we carry from childhood, things we've been taught, or things someone else believed about us or self-fulfilling prophecies. For example "I can't get my needs met", "There's never enough money", "I'll never be good enough", "I'm clumsy", "People don't like me."

Just as we can be in charge of our emotions, we can be in charge of our negative beliefs. In life, you get what you believe. This has been documented in Bruce Lipton's book "The Biology of Belief." What beliefs about yourself do you carry that are harmful? We can choose a new belief about ourselves just as we choose a new emotion after transforming the old one. Do the work. Visualize self as already having the quality or experience that you want. Creation begins in the mind. Practice daily just as you would if you wanted to win a figure skating contest. Visualize and feel yourself winning until you believe it and it will becomes a fact.

Additional Ways to overcome specific painful emotions

Sadness: Do one thing that brings you joy each day and one thing that brings someone else joy each day. Don't miss a day and you will heal.

Anger: In your mind, reverse roles with the person who made you angry. Be that person. What is their life like? Feel empathy and compassion for them. Blame is not productive or healing in any way. What weakness are you aware of in self right now? Do one action/ activity each day to correct it. Focus on your own growth rather than slights and hurts. Take positive action for yourself.

Jealousy Focus on getting your own goals met. Work, study, improve your situation with these activities instead of focusing on what you don't have.

Despair: Do a gratitude journal for at least 30 days. A new perspective is essential to pull out of despair. Get your mind off yourself. Think of others and do random acts of kindness often. Do volunteer work for those who are sick, impoverished or disadvantaged.

Make a clear decision to start anew in life with fresh goals and ask for help from others to begin accomplishing them.

Fear: Face it one step at a time. Take one action to overcome it each day. Fear will stop your dreams from coming true. One step at a time brings success. Success wipes out fear.

(If you're afraid for your safety, find immediate help. Trust your intuition and instincts.)

Hurt; People who don't respect themselves or have low self-esteem or who are angry do and say hurtful things to others. Respect yourself by not taking it personally. It reflects on them, not you. Release it and keep clear boundaries with the person. Use discernment and trust your feelings about people who are not your friends. If they do it once, they'll do it again.

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