The 4 Bad Habits That Could Ruin Your Relationship

Want to succeed? Do the opposite.

Your relationship with your significant other or life partner can simultaneously be the most difficult and rewarding thing in your life. However, a relationship is really more of a verb than a noun. Achieving and maintaining a healthy one requires us to constantly look in the mirror and evaluate what we can do better—how we can be better.

The path toward achieving a rewarding relationship requires starting new habits and contributing to our relationship in new and improved ways. But along with that, ceasing destructive habits can often be the best thing we can do for ourselves and our partners. Consider these four common destructive habits and take some time for honest reflection: Are any of these slowly ruining your relationship?

1. Giving the Cold Shoulder

Every relationship is different, but they all have something in common: None is perfect! No relationship is immune to an occasional disagreement, disappointment, or upset. People handle these difficult situations in many ways, and some do so better than others. One of the most destructive responses, however, can be to do nothing at all. A cold shoulder, or the silent treatment, is some people’s go-to reaction when they are angry or upset. This lack of communication, however, does not allow for any forward movement. Instead, it creates unhealthy stagnation which can breed misunderstanding and resentment—on top of the initial issue at hand. Next time you feel the urge to give your partner the cold shoulder, take a deep breath, collect your thoughts, and expose yourself to the vulnerability of honest communication.

2. Keeping Score

The saying, "Love is just a game,” is problematic on many fronts. Most importantly, equating love to a game means that there is a scoring system, winners and losers, and, worst of all, cheaters! Keeping score in relationships, even for simple things like who took out the trash last, can become a toxic habit that undermines your connection. It takes the focus away from maintaining a selfless partnership, instead directing your energy toward competition. It’s also crucial to realize that everyone, including your partner, may have a different “scoring system” for perceived acts of kindness, or relationship "deposits." Instead of keeping score of any kind, seek to understand your partner’s love language and to love them unconditionally.

3. Making Comparisons

Our society is primed for making comparisons. Social media sites represent a perfect platform to make us covet the lives of friends and acquaintances. In such a culture, it’s easy to get caught in the trap of comparing our relationships to other people’s that may be painted through perfect photos, sappy updates, and location tagging at the most romantic sites in town. The reality, however, is that it’s impossible to know the true depth and reality of any relationship solely through the prism of social media. Moreover, such a comparison study does no good for building and esteeming your own relationship. Next time you catch yourself social-media stalking another couple or coveting a friend’s relationship, reinvest that time and energy into putting a smile on your own partner’s face.

4. Taking Someone for Granted

It’s easy to get into a comfortable routine with a significant other—especially if you have been together for many years. There is a difference, however, between feeling comfortable with a person and taking them for granted. Simply put, taking someone for granted means that you do not appreciate or acknowledge how that person contributes to the quality of, and the happiness in, your life. To keep your relationship healthy and fulfilling, express gratitude and appreciation for the other person. Each day, find at least one thing your partner does for you, or one thing in particular you love about them, and express your gratitude.

Relationships are complex, and require constant nurturing. Avoiding the four issues above can prevent long-term stress and ensure a happy, healthy connection. However, if your relationship is experiencing significant turmoil, it may be necessary to seek professional help(link is external) to rebuild and restore it.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hope-relationships/201412/the-4-bad-habits-could-ruin-your-relationship

10 Destructive Habits That Unhappy People Have

It is said that happiness is a state of mind and to a certain extent, that’s true. But I believe that whether we are happy or unhappy is more about the habits we have.

It’s a sad fact, We live in a land filled to the brim with opportunity where anyone can choose to live the life they want.

But they don’t.

Instead we see unhappiness at every corner. From the impatient person standing behind you at the grocery store, to the teller at the bank who looks like she would rather be anywhere else at that moment, to your neighbors across the street, who never look up and say, “Hello.”

The only difference between the person you see happily walking down the street seemingly without a care in the world and the person next to them consumed in misery is the choices they make each and every day.

And of course each choice repeated becomes a habit. Habits dictate everything from our experiences to our outcomes and everything in between.

Below are 10 destructive habits that unhappy people have:

1. You live to please other people. This is a devastating habit to possess because you choose to live your life trying to make everyone happy and in turn, fail to make yourself happy. One of the best things you can do for yourself is to figure out what really drives you on a deep emotional level and then do it.
2. You have an overwhelming fear of criticism. From his book, Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill stated that a fear of criticism robs man of his initiative, destroys his power of imagination, limits his individuality, takes away his self-reliance, and does him damage in a hundred other ways. Most people spend their days worrying about what others think about them and will go to great lengths to look good or save face. The ironic part is that those same people are so consumed worrying about what you think of them, that they aren’t actually thinking about.
3. You engage in negative self-talk. All actions derive from what we tell ourselves on a daily basis. Unhappy people have the habit of telling themselves things like “I don’t know how”, “It’s too hard”, and “I can’t do it”. The key to change is to begin rephrasing these into positive thoughts. It takes practice and you’ll catch yourself being negative many times, but if you want to be a happier person, you have to start making those changes.
4. You are a glass half empty person. Being a pessimist is the result of negative habits developed over a number of years. This habit is very hard to kick because it becomes so ingrained in your mind, that its second nature. In any situation, your first thought or reaction is a negative one. Becoming an optimist will require you to develop new mental skills and retrain your entire thought process to see opportunity instead of struggle. This can be done gradually by consciously looking at your attitude and choosing to see opportunity instead of difficulty.
5. You let the past dictate your future. If you happen to have a past riddled with negativity and bad experiences, chances are your personality mirrors this. You can’t change your past and allowing yourself to stay attached to it will only drag you down. Learn to let go of things out of your control and focus on today. What can you accomplish today?
6. You are sedentary. It’s a fact that people who exercise regularly are happier than those who don’t. Sitting at a desk all day only to follow it with sitting on your couch is not conducive to being happy. Get up, move around, go outside, take the stairs, take a walk, join the gym, ride your bike. The endorphins released during activity play a big role in your mood, so if you’re not active, get active!
7. You are a worry wart. Worrying is a choice like everything else. Most of you are familiar with the worry wart and many of you probably grew up with one in your household. Worry is such a waste of time yet causes so much unhappiness. Worry is nothing but fear and fear is nothing but a bulls**t excuse not to embrace something. Do not waste another minute of your life worrying about things you have no control over. For example, worrying about your plane crashing is an unjustified fear. Statistics show the likelihood of that happening is smaller than being hit by lightning. In either case, you are sacrificing your ability to relax and be happy for something extraneous and out of your control.
8. You cannot forgive and forget. Harboring ill feelings towards someone or something is like carrying a 10-pound weight in your pocket. We all have had bad experiences that have left a sour taste in our mouth. Forgiveness is the solution and is an incredibly powerful concept. Maybe you have been wronged or made a terrible decision in your life. Learn from it and move on.
9. You are a perfectionist. We all know someone who considers themselves a perfectionist. Maybe it’s even you! Trying to pursue perfection in all that you do may sound like a good thing, but taken too far, can be highly detrimental to your emotional health. Perfectionism can lead to a host of mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and chronic unhappiness. Remember that everything can be done better by either you or someone else, but it’s OK if it’s not. Your goal shouldn’t be perfection, but rather improvement and personal growth.
10. You define yourself by your job. It’s a fact that more than 70% of us don’t like our jobs. In a society where we tend to view ourselves by what we do for a living rather than who we actually are, it’s a fundamental problem and leads to the inability to separate ourselves from our professions.

Happiness is a choice, but we must first choose to adopt good habits and rid ourselves of bad ones. This takes practice and time, especially if you are a lifelong cynic. If you find yourself guilty of any of the preceding habits, take a hard look at the quality of your life.

You just might want to make a change and choose happiness.

http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/10-destructive-habits-that-unhappy-people-have/