Are You Justifying Your Safety and Money Worries or Getting Free From Them?

These days on our planet, two primary worries run rampant-safety and money. You wonder if you can move about safely and get the resources you need and want.

Because of world events in the recent past, you might feel justified in feeling afraid for your safety, security, and well-being. News and politicians tell stories of who is to blame and who can be trusted-and you side with the stories you believe.

Yet what if these stories simply justify your worries rather than offering relief? Politics generally operates as a fear/guilt/blame game-which is an endless circle leading nowhere. You only see facts that support your current viewpoint and vehemently oppose those who see things otherwise. Nothing changes.

What we need is insight into what lies underneath our worries and how to heal them. Applying mindful attention to my own insecurities, I've discovered four helpful insights that create positive change.

1. Acknowledge the part you play in what is happening by the stories you tell

How are you participating in perpetuating the way things are? Do you have worries about safety and money? Because of these worries, how are you assigning guilt and blame? What stories are you participating in?

The stories you participate in hold you captive. They can keep you stuck in fear. To get free, you need to identify the stories that buy into fear as a basic orientation.

For example, do you buy the story that the world is filled with people who want to harm you? Do you buy the story that the economy is rigged for those who have against those who have not?

If you follow the news, it would be easy to buy into those stories. As a society, we are fascinated with trauma and drama-and somehow entertained by it-so, that's what the news provides. However, if you pay attention to your daily interactions, do these stories reflect the majority of your experiences with others?

If those worries were justified, most of the activities you take for granted would not be possible, such as driving safely to work, standing in an orderly line for checkout, and enjoying a night out for dinner or entertainment.

I'm not downplaying the fact that many people suffer horrendous acts of violence. This certainly happens. There are things we can do to work for peace, safety, and opportunity for all. But, supporting a mindset based on fear, guilt, and blame is not one of them.

There are close to seven billion people on the planet. How many are intentionally harming others? Conversely, how many are doing the best they can to live a good life and make a positive contribution?

What does your direct personal experience tell you about the majority of your interactions? Are the stories you habitually tell about the way things are justified when you look at a wider range of facts?

2. Insert a mindful pause and stop feeding fear

You perpetuate your worries by justifying them. When things don't go the way you want them to, out of all the facts available, you will likely choose those that support the stories of fear, guilt, and blame you are in the habit of telling.

What if you choose not to do this? After all, if you keep telling yourself the same stories using the same limited set of worn-out facts, you'll keep reliving the same experiences. What might happen if you pause more frequently before you enter the fear/guilt/blame game and decide not to dive in with your usual opinions?

3. Feel the emotional pain under fear and forgive

When you choose to mindfully pause instead of jumping into fear/guilt/blame, you open space to feel what is underneath your insecurities. Underneath fear is emotional pain.

All of us have a history of hurt we would like to forget. All of us have had moments that made us feel threatened or poor. When in the past have you felt unsafe? When have you not had what you needed and worried about how and if you would get it?

Perhaps your parents or grandparents lived through wars or the Great Depression and passed on stories of danger and poverty?

Perhaps you pick up on the stories you've heard on the news... And, you don't want to be one of those victims you've seen on the news!

When you face emotional pain, are present with it, non-judgmentally-and just feel it-something happens. You realize you can handle it-especially if you stop telling a big story about it. When you stay present with emotional pain, it shifts. It begins to dissipate, resolve, and heal. You gain insight into effective action to move forward.

One of the most effective actions to move forward is forgiveness.

Forgiveness frees you. It frees you from hanging onto the past and letting it determine your present and future. It frees you from repeating the same old stories of fear, guilt, and blame over and over again. It frees you to live in a fresh new moment. It frees you to see life in a whole new light, so you can make new choices.

Who, including yourself, is involved in your stories of pain, fear, guilt, and blame? Is it possible you and they were just doing the best that you could, given what you all knew at the time and what you'd all been through? That's not saying that what happened was O.K., good, right, or that you condone it. Just the opposite. Yet, what if hanging onto that pain perpetuates it?

Are you ready and willing to forgive yourself and others involved in your pain, so you can move forward?

You may or may not be ready to do that now.

When you are ready-and choose to forgive-you open space for different possibilities to emerge.

4. Have compassion for yourself and others

Once you identify stories of fear/guilt/blame, decide not to participate, feel the emotional pain underneath fear, and forgive yourself and others, you may be ready to do something new.

It can begin with simple appreciation for yourself and others in all your diversity of strengths and weaknesses. Once you've mindfully experienced the emotional pain underneath your fears, you are more sensitive to the pains others feel. Being in touch with the pain underneath fear, you naturally feel compassion, rather than fear, guilt, and blame.

You feel a natural desire to appreciate others for who they are and what they've been through. Instead of going through the day looking for reasons to worry, you look for opportunities to love. Love is courageous action. It dares to stare down fear and replace it with compassion.

The more we act from love and compassion instead of fear, guilt, and blame, the more our planet becomes a safe and abundant place to be.

Enjoy your practice!

https://ezinearticles.com/?Are-You-Justifying-Your-Safety-and-Money-Worries-or-Getting-Free-From-Them?&id=10004441

Is Your Life Running on Autopilot?

Ever get the feeling your life is somewhat running on autopilot?

That you're not really working on what you truly want, and that you're putting off certain necessary things because you feel a need for instant gratification?

And, in turn, do you ever think that you "really should be doing" X? That you really "ought to be doing" Y? But maybe you can't, because you "have to do" Z?

I know where you're at. It's not a good place.

Why would we allow ourselves to get there? Why would we allow ourselves to be running on autopilot like that?

As far as I can see, most people tend to let their lives run on autopilot to a certain extent. Not necessarily out of fear, but because they identify with what other ordinary people do, which is... Ordinary stuff.

Those who stand out are always the confident ones. Those who have the guts, the energy, and the resourcefulness to do what they want, and what's necessary to get to where they want.

The non-fident ones, on the other hand, tend to be full-out running on autopilot. They tend to do whatever they do, because they feel like they "should", or "have to".

And, since this is essentially an inhibitive way of living, they tend to overcompensate on activities of instant gratification, e.g. getting drunk every weekend or slouching in front of the TV when not at work. - Effectively creating a loop of guilt and emptiness without purpose.

Oh, I've been there.

Does anyone genuinely want to live like that? Of course not. But many people feel obliged to, simply because they don't know any better.

"What do you mean by "know any better"?? What exactly do I need to know then?"

Good question. And for that, you get the answer right here:

We "should" not do anything. We "ought" not do anything. In fact, we don't even "have" to do anything.

There is only what we want to do, and what is necessary to do.

"But then shouldn't we do what's necessary? Don't we HAVE to do that?"

Well, no. It'll probably have consequences if you don't. But really, we're entirely free to do whatever we want.

Confident people know this. Confident people act from a mindset of freedom and safety. Whereas non-fident people tend to act from a mindset of desperation and captivity.

"But what about paying my taxes? If I don't pay my taxes, I'll get punished somehow, right?"

Probably, yes. But that's not the point.

The point is, confident people do what they want AND what's necessary.

Not because they feel forced into doing what's necessary, but because they're proactive about not having bad consequences happen to them - and about doing what they want.

Non-fident people, then, tend to do what others want. Or at least what they think others want. And, hence, to be running on autopilot.

"I really ought to be doing my homework".

"I'm 30, I should be married by now".

"I have to get this report done on time".

I hear bells ringing all around.

I'm not saying that one's daily tasks and chores aren't at all necessary. For the major part, they ARE more or less important. But they're not necessarily essential to what we truly want to do.

ACTION ITEM:

This week, note your daily tasks by durance and importance. At the end of each day, and at the end of the week, add them all up.

How many hours a day do you spend on doing something you allegedly "have to", "need to", or "ought to"? How many hours a day do you spend on doing something you truly want to?

http://ezinearticles.com/?Is-Your-Life-Running-on-Autopilot?&id=9733410

5 Requirements for a Happy Relationship

Relationships are not easy, in fact sometimes they can be a lot of work. If you are being hurt by your partners actions, there is still love in the midst of it. When you stop caring and become indifferent, that is when the relationship or marriage is heading towards trouble. Our partner came in to our lives for a reason, to help make us a better person. It is the old saying that iron sharpens iron, we get to learn from what we experience.

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attentions so you can change your life.". - Elizabeth Gilbert

These are what we have found to be the main requirements for a happy relationship. We are partners because we fell in love and should still love each other enough to want them to be happy and treat them well.

1. Security and Safety

The most important thing in any relationship is safety and security. Not only in a physical sense but even more so in an emotional sense. Safety and predictability is crucial. We are creatures of habit and when you are living in a constant state of uncertainty as to who your partner will be each particular moment, it becomes frightening and throws us off balance. It can create a feeling of helplessness and fear. We all need consistency and predictability to feel safe and secure. Living with a Jekyll and Hyde destroys safety for your partner. When we are the same person consistently, we can allow our partner to relax and be a better partner for our loved one.

2. Respect

This is one of the top requirements for any relationship. If there is not respect, there can not be equality and peace. When name-calling, cursing and the verbal attacks begin, you are not being respected and it is hard for to give respect in return. It is also important to be respected for who you are and what you do. We should each be allowed to be your own person and make decisions (unless they are not in the best interest of the relationship). We have the right to set boundaries to protect those boundaries and ourselves should be respected without guilt and shame. Also, our privacy and personal things need to be respected. Going through someone's things is disrespectful and violates the other person. There should not be anything to hide between both partners and so respecting each others space should not be an issue.

3. Trust

Commitment and trust in a relationship are so important. We usually don't have reason not to trust unless we ourselves cannot be trusted. If there has been betrayal in a relationship, trust must be rebuilt. It will take time and patience and if you are the one that created that distrust, the best thing you can do for your partner is to be understanding when they are having doubts and questioning your actions. When you get defensive, it sends the message that you are hiding something. When you are constantly questioning your partner, it creates frustration and resentment. Nobody should ever have to sell his or her honesty and commitment. If there has been distrust, the offender must sincerely accept their wrong, apologize and change the behavior to rebuild that trust.

4. Independence

It is so important for you to honor and respect your partners independence. If there is trust, allowing the other person to be independent should not be an issue. The first three qualities are crucial to allow for independence in a relationship. We need to make sure that we are not completely dependent on our partner and that we have some interests of our own. We need to be inter-dependent. There must be a me, you, and we. We need to be allowed to have time to ourselves, time with family and friends and time for one another. If we don't have balance, we can become resentful and we end up swinging to the other side of the pendulum. The most important time you can spend away from your relationship is time nurturing yourself. Do something nice for yourself, get a massage, play sports, journal or go for a walk. This is your sanity. If you can't make sure your cup is full, you will have nothing to give your partner. It may just be the 40-minute drive in the car that recharges you or some girl /guy talk with a friend or just time alone. Whatever it is, you need to allow that for yourself and respect that your partner needs it also. When we get that we usually are able to come back into the relationship a happier more loving person.

5. Self - Actualization

If you are not growing, you are decaying, and this goes for every living thing. We are meant to continue to learn and grow as we age and the person we spend our life with is the one that we should be growing with. When one partner decides to stop growing on his or her own, and as a couple, it can create real havoc on a relationship. We are constantly faced with situations where we can learn and grow and when we step into an attitude of blame and are not willing to look at ourselves, and our role, we have begun the decaying process. When we live in a constant state of blaming and being a victim, we get stuck and left behind. We all have some responsibility in every conflict and it important to be able to self reflect and own our share. From this point, we can decide how we want to learn from it and grow. Our partners can certainly trigger us the best and those triggers really have nothing to do with the other person, but issues that lay deep within us. Make a decision to look at your stuff and figure out how you can grow from it.

http://ezinearticles.com/?5-Requirements-for-a-Happy-Relationship&id=9324821