The Secret to Making Positive Affirmations Work For You

Several years ago I was introduced to the use of affirmations as a way to overcome negative thoughts or behavior patterns. I learned that I was to write out positive statements stating how I wanted to be or what I wanted to accomplish; they were supposed to be written in the first person and in the present tense. I was then supposed to repeat these affirmations hundreds of times a day (or at least as often as possible) from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed. While repeating them I was supposed to feel and behave as if the statements I was making were already true.

If you're anything like me you know that this is easier said than done. Remembering to do the affirmations throughout the day was a challenge of its own, but actually feeling as if the affirmations were already true was the real kicker.

When using affirmations such as "I have all the money I want and need" or "I have an abundance of money at my disposal," acting as if they are already true does not come as easy as positive affirmation gurus make it sound, especially when your bank account is about to reach below zero temperatures, you are knee-deep in debt and are staring at a pile of bills, and your car is complaining that it doesn't feel good and may need a trip to the car doctor.

I thought that making those positive affirmations was supposed to help me feel better and help me manifest my fondest desires, but instead they left me feeling like a deluded pathological liar. Instead of raising my spirits they managed to heighten my awareness of my real situation, and this in turn made me feel angry, frustrated and hopeless.

I read and re-read the positive affirmation material to make sure I was doing it correctly. I watched and re-watched the videos showing people who had used positive affirmations successfully. Apparently I was doing everything right, yet this was not working for me for some reason. There were many times when I thought that something must be wrong with me, because no matter how much I did this positive affirmation stuff I was not feeling any better, let alone "manifesting my fondest desires" like the gurus claimed to do.

It wasn't until much later that I realized that I was, in fact, doing something wrong. The emotional jump that I was trying to make from feeling hopeless to feeling awesome was far too great. At first I thought I didn't have enough momentum to make that big of a jump from one emotional state to the other, but then I realized that the issue was not the momentum, but the gap.

Allow me to illustrate. Imagine that you are standing by a river and you want to get to the other side of it. The side that you are standing on represents a very low emotional state such as hopelessness, and other side represents the ideal emotional state that you want to get to, such as joy, excitement or exhilaration. The river is about 300 feet wide. So to get to the other side you decide that you are going to take a few steps back to gain momentum, run as fast as you can and attempt to make it across the river in one big jump. What do you think might happen?

Unless you have some form of secret superpower that allows you to make that big of a jump, you'll likely end up in the river. The distance between where you are and where you want to be is far too great and you'll likely not make it dry. That's the equivalent of trying to instantly transition between two emotions that are so far apart from each other.

So I decided to modify my approach a little bit. Instead of trying to get to the other side of the river by attempting a single jump, I decided to make multiple smaller jumps by using the protruding rocks across the river. Each of these rocks represents an emotion that is just slightly better than the emotion I'm currently standing on. So I would jump from hopelessness to sadness, for instance, and stand there long enough to regain my posture. This type of jump would certainly be a lot easier to make, and it wouldn't take a lot of effort.

"Wait a minute!" you might say. "There is nothing positive about sadness!" But you'd be wrong. Maybe in the big scheme of things sadness is not considered a positive emotion per se, but it certainly is less negative compared to hopelessness. And remember, we're not making sadness the ultimate goal. We're simply using it as a stepping stone (pun intended) to make it across the river to the emotion that we really want. We stand there just long enough to regain our posture and make sure we don't slip, and then we make the next jump.

So we go from hopelessness to sadness, and from that to the next emotion that is just slightly better than sadness, and so on and so on, stepping from rock to rock until we get to the other side of the river. You can see how this approach is much easier to implement and requires much less effort than trying to make it to the other side in a single jump.

I know what you may be thinking. Wouldn't moving from one negative emotion to another (even if it is less negative) only perpetuate those feelings? And the answer is, not if you do it in the way I stated. While it is true that you don't want to wallow in negative emotions, you also don't want to attempt to make a huge transition in one fell swoop because that is almost always guaranteed to fail, and then you will definitely continue to wallow in those negative emotions. The trick is to keep your affirmations kind of real, so that the resistance created in your mind is small to none. Rather than trying to deny how you really feel, you acknowledge the current emotion and play with your words just enough to move up to the next less negative emotion.

When I tried this approach, it made a world of difference. It did take me longer to get there than if I had been able to do it in a single jump. But the truth is that I never managed to do it in a single jump and I remained in that negative emotion longer; however, with this new approach, I was able to transition to my desired emotion every single time. So overall, the "longer route" was definitely a shortcut for me.

Positive affirmations do work but some of us need a more gradual approach, and that's perfectly okay. If you have struggled with positive affirmations the way that I have, don't give up just yet. Give this approach a try first and let me know how it goes. Also, if you have any suggestions of things that you've tried and have worked for you, please share in the comments below so other readers can benefit.

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Secret-to-Making-Positive-Affirmations-Work-For-You&id=9014528

Double Vision Filtering What We See

How clearly can you see people, events and situations? 'Crystal clear' most people will say' 'I was there, I know what I saw!' But do they, really? Why then are there so many interpretations of the same event by the same audience. When our eyes complete processing of any object it is transmitted to our brain, that amazing storage bank that houses every life experience, everything we have learned and even the memory of the emotions that were involved in what we learned. Suddenly what we 'saw' has been filtered through what we know or believe is true and even our emotions impacted what we saw and believed. Therein are the differences in what people see.

When we are unclear about what we see we do a comparison analysis of events, equating it to things we have witnessed or experienced in the past and what we believed was true about those things. A seasoned traveller will have an entirely different perspective than the person who has never left their city or state. One who has been exposed to abuse or dysfunctional behavior has been trained to deny what they see, to excuse the inexcusable in many cases. They see things differently than those who have been exposed to a loving balanced environment. In fact, most simply accept their environment as normal without question. We are at a far greater disadvantage when we are unaware that things are way off kilter, far more prone to interpret events that are dangerous or horrific with less emotion. We can't call a spade a spade because we don't see it as a spade; we imagine we are a survivor and act accordingly.

By the time most people say, 'that might not have been normal' they imagine it is too late to change and continue through life peering through broken lens. Every deduction is likely to be skewered; many spend a lifetime feeling misunderstood and rarely voice their opinion imagining it will be criticized. Others spend their life being angry because others just cannot see what they see. When we are caught up in these behavior patterns releasing them requires a retraining process to understand what we really see. Until we complete that process we must interrupt the normal progression of interpretation by not accepting the first response. Instead, we have to run the image back through again paying careful attention to the details in the images. It is much like converting a photo from color to black and white so as not to be distracted. This allows us to focus only on what is before us without emotion, without attachment to the outcome.

Practicing this on events and personal involvement with anyone or anything has an added bonus. You can kick your old companions named denial and delusion to the curb because you can correctly identify what you see! Doing so carries the promise of a brand new life.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Double-Vision-Filtering-What-We-See&id=9677298

When Forever Is Always Lost

Forever... endless, always, these are words filled with hope; is it really possible to believe in forever? Most people want to believe forever is a part of their life story but for some, forever is always lost. How is it possible that endless and always could escape from our reality; if it does, is it possible to halt this progression of lost opportunities?

Some behavior patterns create a rendezvous with a destiny we might rather avoid. Some are learned; others adopted as a defense to some perceived loss or deeply embedded pain in our life. The most typical of these habits are far more common than you might imagine. When we recognize the losses they guarantee it is far easier to break the habits.

1) Harboring anger and resentment allows bitterness to command our life. Once this pattern has set in it requires us to refuse contact with the person these emotions are directed at. This kind of deep-seated anger often rears its ugly head in families with sibling rivalry the leading cause. The smallest slights become unforgivable sins. Every emotion is amplified requiring any comment to be dissected and discussed endlessly with anyone who will listen and commiserate. Forgiveness is essential to heal this rift, requiring absolute honesty and a willingness to change the behavior patterns that caused the emotions behind the rift. In the absence of a real healing experience forever is lost as over and over again there are missed opportunities to build a lifetime relationship and memories you should have been able to depend on.

2) Becoming a zealot to any person or cause ensures that you have willfully given up your ability to see clearly, to be discerning and to act or react appropriately about any situation that revolves around the person or cause. You are blind-sighted and determined to remain so. Zealots are extremists who proselytize their beliefs while ignoring others right to hold a different opinion or position. They refuse to listen to and many times even associate with those who are not in agreement with them. Forever is always lost to them as they close one door after another to anyone who disagrees with them. They have lost the opportunity to have meaningful friendships or relationships that might have been very fulfilling.

3) Perhaps the most serious and crippling of all of these behavior patterns is the willingness to subjugate your own personal self-worth and foundation of your beliefs to any other person. This is typically a part of an abusive relationship with a partner, parents, a sibling or a friendship that becomes so important you lose yourself in the pursuit to become acceptable to another. The real horror in this habit is how little time it takes for the idea that you are unacceptable to become your new reality. You have lost you; sadly your forever's are always lost and may never be recovered. 

These are the most common causes, well worth recognizing and eliminating from our lives.

http://ezinearticles.com/?When-Forever-Is-Always-Lost&id=9654942

This Is How To Let Go Of Being Attached To Situations In Life

"I have no idea of what tomorrow will bring, so I wish to prepare for it."

"You fear tomorrow - not realizing that yesterday is just as dangerous."

The delightful short tale by Anthony de Mello underscores the fact that our attachments to the past can be equally harmful.

We must release our hold of yesterday's concerns and bring our awareness to the present moment, if we desire to seek contentment.

It's a given that most people want to experience happiness and joy. There are many ways to achieve it and while some attain it, others don't. However, it is no less a central desire to seek fulfillment in our everyday life.

We want happiness to fill the cup when pain overflows. Yet the irony is we experience more pain and suffering than joy allows.

We attach our desires to people and situations, holding on tighter than we should. We stress about matters that impose upon our happiness and become discouraged.

Things don't always go as planned. People let us down. The road ahead gets bumpy.

Buddhist author Lama Surya Das writes in The Big Questions: How to Find Your Own Answers to Life's Essential Mysteries: "As Mark Twain said, 'It's not what we don't know that gets us in trouble, but what we are sure we know'. We attach to one or more particular ways of seeing ourselves that, neither accurate nor helpful, entrap us in mind-forged manacles, self-limiting beliefs, and unfulfilling, misdirected behavior patterns and desires. We fall into living as we are not and lose who and what we actually are."

The Art of Detachment

Detachment means to disassociate yourself from intended outcomes. It requires letting go of fixed ideas how life should be.

If you commit yourself to getting what you want, you set yourself up for pain.

For example, if you base your day on your partner's mood or getting the next promotion at work, you allow outward conditions to dictate your feelings. You are trying to control your world instead of trusting the process of life.

"Normally we think we see reality, but what we see is our own subjective perceptions, filtered through all of our associations and desires, as well as through language and conditioning," states author Ezra Bayda in The Authentic Life: Zen Wisdom for Living Free from Complacency and Fear.

Let Go of Attachments

This requires practice, though it is possible to let go of attachments that no longer serve you.

You might ruminate on the past and hold on to things that don't matter anymore. What if you were to enjoy the richness of the present moment instead?

Make it a point to let go of anything that's not for your highest good, especially expectations.

Do you often worry about the future?

Do you base your feelings on whether you are moving forward in life?

Either way, make it a priority to let go of attachments by cherishing the depth of each moment. Move beyond your negative thoughts and allow life to be exactly as it is.

Letting go is grounded in the wakefulness of the present moment being perfect as it is. Whilst you expect things to be a certain way, detachment means to let go of these thoughts.

"When we see through our attachments by fully experiencing them, the result is freedom. When we can see and experience life without the filters of our judgments and demands, the result is appreciation and the quiet joy of being. When we see through our fears, the result is love," states Ezra Bayda.

Let Go of Expectations

Expectations set you up for disappointment. Whilst it's normal to receive respect and love from others, sometimes people don't return the respect or love you deserve. Happiness means acknowledging this, so you avoid hanging your hopes on people fulfilling your emotional needs.

If we are attached to life being a particular way, we are assured of being hurt when things do not follow as expected.

The solution, you ask?

Let go.

Consider psychotherapist David Richo's view in The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them: "We cannot take refuge in feeling good, because that cannot be sustained. What is sustained and sustaining is a yes to what is, 'taking the good with the bad'. This can only happen when we have no attachment to how things should be."

Let Go of Outcomes

Do you want to work toward your goals and dreams while letting go of outcomes?

Focus on pursuing what is meaningful and give it your undivided attention. People pursue what they consider will make them happy, yet remain miserable now.

To work towards a prosperous future, flow with the currents of life instead of being on a roller coaster ride of ups and downs.

Steady is the way.

Author Jan Frazier offers the following wisdom in The Freedom of Being: At Ease with What Is: "When you are free, you no longer experience attachment - to the roles you play, to possessions, to ideas, to the outcome of action, to the people you love. You are free of ferocious desire, of the driving 'need' to get (and keep) what you want."

Fulfillment Comes From Within

As much as we want to believe that success and happiness happen 'out there' - it simply isn't true.

Happiness and fulfillment emerge from within.

Ask those who are content what their secret is and many will tell you, they learned to simplify life and let go of attachments.

They loosened their grip and allowed life to serve them. They are grateful for the pleasant and unpleasant moments because both experiences contain the seeds of opportunity for growth.

They are unattached to how life should develop and trust every experience serves their highest good.

Think back to a time you released your attachments to something.

Maybe it was resentment or holding on to a particular point of view. As you let go, you no doubt felt relief and moved on.

That is the significance of letting go. You let go to move forward, instead of dragging the past behind with you.

"When you are unattached, you have inner freedom. You have no investment in a particular outcome, and so you do what is necessary in the moment. You explore every option and are receptive to all new information. You do all that you know to do, and then trust, because you have no attachment to either the result or how the result is produced," affirms authors Charlene Belitz and Meg Lundstrom in The Power of Flow: Practical Ways to Transform Your Life with Meaningful Coincidence.

So, release your hold on tomorrow. Do not blemish the present moment with your attachments of how it should be.

If you are anxious about a particular matter, simply let it go. Drop it as though I were handing you a hot piece of coal.

Keep letting go until you get to a place of nothingness and have released all attachments and suffering.

Only then will you know true peace and joy in its entirety.

http://ezinearticles.com/?This-Is-How-To-Let-Go-Of-Being-Attached-To-Situations-In-Life&id=9711468

9 Signs Of A High-Functioning Alcoholic

While alcoholism is a devastating disease that can destroy lives, some people who struggle with it manage to hold down stressful jobs and big responsibilities. From the outside, these so-called high-functioning alcoholics seem to have it all together. They can drive nice cars, live in great neighborhoods, and make a significant income.

However, just because they're high-functioning doesn’t mean that they're immune to the effects of alcohol. They're still at risk of hurting themselves and others around them. For example, a pilot nursing a hangover, a surgeon with shaky hands, or a banker handling large sums of money are each at-risk of causing terrible disasters if they stay on their dysfunctional path.

Here are some signs that can help in identifying these ticking time bombs:

1. They drink instead of eating.

Alcoholics will often replace meals with a few drinks, lose interest in food altogether, or use mealtime as an excuse to start drinking.

2. They can wake up without a hangover, even after several drinks.

Drinking alcohol regularly over a long period of time can cause the body to become dependent on alcohol. Often high-functioning alcoholics are able to drink a lot without the same hangover that plagues the occasional drinker.

3. Not drinking makes them irritable, nervous, or uncomfortable.

If an alcoholic is forced to abstain from drinking, his or her body often reacts negatively, as they are dependent on the sedative effects of alcohol. Abrupt withdrawal can cause anxiety, nervousness, sweating, a rapid heart rate, and even seizures.

4. Their behavior patterns change significantly while under the influence of booze.

Alcoholics may change significantly when they drink. For instance, a typically mild-mannered person may become aggressive, or make impulsive decisions.

5. They can't have just two drinks.

An alcoholic has a problem stopping, and may even finish others' drinks. Booze will never be left on the table, and there is always an excuse for “one more round.”

6. Periods of memory loss or “blacking out” are common.

Many alcoholics will take part in activities that they have no recollection of the following day. They may not seem extremely intoxicated at the time, but they're unable to remember events that took place.

7. Attempts to discuss drinking behavior are met with aggression and denial.

When confronted with issues surrounding their alcohol consumption, heavy users will typically regress to denial or aggression, making discussion difficult.

8. They always have a good explanation for why they drink.

If flat denial or aggression is not the chosen mode of avoidance, most alcoholics will have a seemingly rational explanation for their behavior. Stress at work, problems at home, or an abundance of social activities are common reasons to explain their detrimental behavior.

9. They hide their alcohol.

Many alcoholics will drink alone, or sneak drinks from a bottle in a desk or in their car. This type of hidden drinking is a tremendous red flag and there is no other explanation for this behavior other than alcoholism.

Let's keep our society productive, safe, and sober by keeping our eyes open for problematic behavior in order to get these troubled coworkers, family, and friends the help they need.

If you or someone you know has a problem with alcohol, consult with a trusted health care practitioner. Help is out there, and it's just a phone call or a click away.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-18440/9-signs-of-a-high-functioning-alcoholic.html