The Difference Between a Trait and a Habit

A "Habit" is a usual way of behaving. It is the starting point for all behaviors. All Traits, at conception, are habits. Habits are usually born out of necessity (we have to obtain a goal), or a desire (We wish to obtain a goal).

Most of the times, negative traits come as a result of necessity, not desire. Sometimes, however, using a negative trait when approaching a desire itself becomes a negative trait.

As we grow up, we encounter situations and circumstances that are new to us. Since we have no point of reference (information we gathered from past experience which helps us deal with these events), we are left with two basic choices.

Choice A- We seek advice. 

We turn to those around us for guidance. Preferably someone who encountered a similar situation and handled it before. Our goal at this point is to try to use their point of reference in order to handle our situation. When we decide to follow that advice, if successful, their point of reference becomes ours. After a while, a habit has been created. A way in which to handle future similar situations.

The one thing you have to keep in mind when using this option is the following quote...

"Insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." 

Albert Einstein

When this option is chosen, remember that you are, in essence, creating a habit that will, in time, become a trait. Make sure that your definition and the other person's definition of "success "is the same one. Your goal is to solve the situation. Not avoid it.

Choice B- We use Trial and Error method. 

This method involves searching and using different ways in order to handle the situation. There is, however, correct way and an incorrect way of using this option. The correct way to remain goal oriented. In Transformational Support, this method is commonly referred to as the "Focus, Research and Action" method (FRA).

What this enables you to do is to remain encouraged, focused and determined until the situation is resolved. The goal is not only to obtain a useful point of reference but also to keep you from creating negative habits such as.. 

A- Covering up the issue 

B-Pretending the issue will go away by itself 

C-Running away from the issue 

D-A combination of two or more of these.

These habits have a great potential of becoming negative habits (a usual way of behaving that results in a negative outcome). Shortly after that, they can become negative traits (A quality that separates a person from another person and usually has a negative outcome).

The specific type of habit we create (negative or Positive), will mature into a Negative or Positive Trait. Once this happens, and a trait is created, the trait has to be broken down to a habit first before replacing it with a better habit.

That being said, I must tell you that changing habits is faster and simpler than changing traits. However, most people seem to be under the impression that changing a trait is much more difficult than it actually is. Changing a habit or a trait is not easy but it is not that difficult either.

Of course, depending on the nature of the habit or the trait, the amount of time it takes to change it may vary. But not the amount of effort. In other words, what changes is your consistency (the amount of time you stay dedicate to changing a trait or habit), not how hard you work at it.

All traits are Habits at birth. Learning how to change them depends on how much we know about them.

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Great Feedback Depends On Encouragement

Author, Ted Engstrom, wrote a story that happened many years ago at the University of Wisconsin to a group of extraordinary young men who had the "ability to put the English language to its best use." These students were essayists, novelists, and poets. They "met regularly to read and critique each other's work."

Engstrom said, they "were merciless dissecting the most minute literary expression into a hundred pieces. They were heartless, tough, even mean in their criticism." They "called themselves the Stranglers." They strangled all the hopes and dreams they each had.

The young women at the university with literary talent decided to begin their own club calling it the "Wranglers". "They read their works to one another but criticism was much softer, more positive, more encouraging. Sometimes, there was almost no criticism at all. Every effort, even the most feeble one, was encouraged."

Study Done 20 Years Later:

An alumnus from the university, twenty years later, did a "study of his classmates' careers". He noticed " not one" of the Stranglers made any "literary accomplishment".

On the other hand, "from the Wranglers had come six or more successful writers, some of national renown such as Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings, who wrote The Yearling."

In both groups the education and talent were equal. Ted Engstrom "concluded, the Stranglers strangled, while the Wranglers highlighted the best, not the worst."

What was the difference between the Stranglers and the Wranglers evaluations?

The Stranglers demoralized their members sucking out all their creativity by criticizing everything they did wrong. They beat each other down. Left no one standing!

The Wranglers on the other hand, built on the strengths of their members. They encouraged, inspired, motivated and helped their members to continue developing and creating their writing projects. Honest sincere compliments lift others up encouraging them to want to continue the work they are doing.

At Toastmasters positive evaluations are given:

As a Toastmaster member since 2009, we learn to help other members improve their communication, public speaking and leadership skills. At Toastmasters constructive feedback is given on prepared manual speeches. Constructive feedback is given in a positive friendly atmosphere. Evaluators listen carefully to the speaker they are evaluating and tell them what they have done well to build the speakers confidence, and then make one suggestion that they can improve. Every person needs positive encouragement to motivate and inspire them to the next level of their journey.

Successful Leaders Are Wranglers:

Mary Kay Ash, founder of Mary Kay cosmetics said, "Never giving criticism without praise is a strict rule for me. No matter what you are criticizing, you must find something good to say... Criticize the act, not the person."

Harvey Mackay, businessman and author, says, "Successful leaders.. understand that results reflect their management skills. Constantly belittling or blaming means that either the employee isn't a good fit or that the criticism isn't being delivered effectively... Positive results start with a positive environment in which employees know that they will be treated with respect even when they make mistakes."

Words have power:

The words you say to others are powerful. Think before you say them!

What 5 ways can you encourage and empower others to be good wranglers/ good finders to family, friends, and fellow employees?

1) Show them you care about them and want to learn about them. Ask them about their families, their hopes, challenges, and dreams.

2) Matt McWilliams, online marketing expert, says "Use the four magic words: I believe in you. Take the time to tell your team, your friends, your family, and your followers that you believe in your abilities and that you are confident that they will succeed."

3) Written words of praise last a lifetime!

When did you last thank someone who helped you in some way? (Your mentor, parent, grandparent, coach, teacher, boss.) Did you write them a note of thanks, or send them a text to tell them thank them? If they are no longer with you on earth, write a blog on the net memorializing their work with you.

President Abraham Lincoln when he died had 8 newspaper clippings in his pocket on the positive things written about him during his re-election campaign. He had read and re-read these newspaper clippings many times, to remind him of the nice things they had written about him. During his presidency he was maligned many times by the newspapers.

When Mark Eklund, a young soldier, died in Vietnam, he had two well -worn sheets of paper in his pocket that he had read and re-read many times. On the two sheets were "all the good things" his classmates had written about him when he was in the eighth grade. ("All the Good Things" by Sister Helen P. Mrosla.) Written words of praise last a lifetime!

4) When you speak about your employees, your children, your spouse or sibling in public, praise them to others. When you are speaking to a team member at work and are talking about another team member say something positive about them. Build others up by building on their strengths.

5) Chris Martin, Author Development Specialist at LifeWay Christian Resources, say, "Listen to others' concerns and ask how you can help. One of the best ways to earn the ears of others is by learning to use your own. When you use your ears and listen to the concerns of others, you tell them that what preoccupies them matters to you, and even if you can't do anything about it you care." So stop talking and listen to others.

Leaders are wranglers and good finders who build on the strengths of their employee/ team members, family, and friends. They show respect, increase the self-esteem of others by helping them develop through their strengths, and building on them. Just like Toastmasters, - leaders who are wranglers/ good finder begin with, what their team member/employee did well, and explain, and demonstrate how to correct something that has been done incorrectly.

The "Wranglers" built on the strengths of their members. They encouraged, inspired, motivated and helped their members to continue developing and creating their writing projects.

In all of life, people need praise and encouragement to improve, to be inspired, to learn, and grow. When President Lincoln and Mark Eklund, a young soldier died, they had with them well-worn "treasured" sheets with " words of praise" to them.

Words of praise last a lifetime!

Begin today to be a "Wrangler Good Finder Leader " who encourages and inspires their people to success.

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Put One Foot In Front Of the Other

Sometimes in life, all you can do is to - Put One Foot In Front Of the Other-

When you embark on a new journey, you might have low energy or even think that you don't have any energy to reach your destination, but you do.

The best advice and perspective that I can give you about Life is to "Put One Foot In Front Of The Other" in Faith. Life in itself is a journey filled with a multitude of moments which become memories that we embark on from birth until the day we die. Cherish every moment.

I went on a 6 mile walk the other day and besides my excitement and enthusiasm, I felt tired after a couple of miles and regretted not driving. I gathered my thoughts and focused on my destination which was literally a magical place; there were also beautiful trees and true gifts of nature along the way that I knew I would enjoy, however, I realized that it was still far away.

My mind chatter kept "screaming out loud" that I could not go on any further, my body started failing me, my feet were on fire and I felt like I was going to faint of fatigue. I wanted to turn back and just drive instead.

I summoned all the courage that I had and with the vision of my destination in mind, I kept going. I decided that the best strategy for me was to just focus on the next stop light and [put one foot after the other.]

I rested when I needed to, drank some water when I felt thirsty, but didn't give up. I thought about calling a cab or jumping on the next bus but I was determined to reach my destination come hell or high water. So I kept going just putting one foot after the other.

When I finally arrived at my destination, I was exhausted and proud that I made it safely.

I rewarded myself with a strawberry kale smoothie and some cold water then I just sat there contemplating the beauty around me. What seemed like an impossible journey for me after a couple of miles, was achievable and I did it. Along the way, there was an internal battle going on, I "fought" with each negative story that my mind presented to me and just put one foot after the other. 

I rested when I felt like I couldn't go on then I got back up and kept going. When I arrived to my destination, my body was intact and whole; all the pain that I felt along the way was mostly internal. My mind didn't win.

I used the same strategy to return home. Somehow it felt easier to walk back home because I had a working strategy and knew exactly what to expect and what to do: I visualized my destination, saw myself relaxing at home sipping on a cold glass of water so I ignored my mind chatter, encouraged myself and most importantly put one foot after the other until ingot to my destination.

You can apply this to many life scenarios and achieve success because the principle is universal, only the circumstances are different.

To your Success,

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