Manifestation miracle
7 Tips to Help You Stay Sober
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If You Want To Be Happier, Raise Your EQ
Did you know that Emotional Intelligence (EQ) predicts your success and happiness far more than your IQ? In this post, you'll learn what Emotional Intelligence is, how you get cut off from it, and the first step to growing your EQ to be happier.
Most of us are familiar with measuring intelligence according to the well-known IQ rating of cognitive intelligence. In 1983, Dr. Howard Gardner of Harvard University proposed that this number is a partial measure at best. He proposed eight distinct types of intelligence: linguistic, logical-mathematical, spatial, bodily-kinesthetic, musical, interpersonal, intrapersonal, and nature intelligence. In other words, we can be intelligent in important ways beyond what I.Q. measures.
Since that time, the field of multiple intelligences has taken off. Recently, Emotional Intelligence (EQ) has come to the fore as the number one predictor of success and happiness in life-both professionally and personally.
Researchers Travis Bradberry and Jeane Greaves describe a set of
Four Essential Emotional Intelligence Skills:
1. Self-awareness: the ability to accurately understand your emotions and tendencies.
2. Self-management: the ability to use your emotional awareness to be flexible and direct your behavior positively.
3. Social awareness: the ability to pick up on the feelings of others and understand what is going on with them.
4. Relationship management: the ability to use your awareness of your own feelings and the feelings of others to manage interpersonal interactions well.
Fortunately, unlike I.Q., which appears to be innate and unchanging, EQ is something you can learn and get better at. Yet, a quick glance at the news reveals EQ is in short supply. As a result, we see highly-polarizing interactions that create division, conflict, anxiety, and mistrust. If Emotional Intelligence is so important and we can learn it, why does it seem to elude us?
Why Does Emotional Intelligence Elude Us?
We live in a society that doesn't understand the purpose of emotions and encourages us to set feelings aside in favor of "getting things done." Ironically, what keeps us from getting things done, knowing what is important to do, and working well with others are the very emotions we ignore.
Emotions give us feedback on what is really happening in our interactions with others. Handled skillfully they enable us to set boundaries, relate to others effectively, and connect to what is essential in our own lives. According to Karla McLaren (author of "The Language of Emotions"), each emotion serves a specific and indispensable function.
Yet, from our youngest years we're taught to be wary of being too emotional. We're taught there are good emotions and bad ones. In most situations, we're taught that it's best to "put on a happy face."
Only in special circumstances is it O.K. and justified to experience anger. We can be sad in certain instances, but not for too long. We should never focus on feelings of guilt or shame; we need to overcome fear and jealousy-and never ever feel hate. This is understandable, given the suffering that the unconscious and unskilled expression of these feelings has caused throughout human history.
We associate anger and hate with discrimination, abuse, and violence. We associate sadness with depression. We associate jealousy with interpersonal conflict. We associate fear with repression. We associate apathy with not caring. We associate negative feelings with unskilled expressions of these feelings and, therefore, we try to avoid them.
Curiously, not only is negative emotion to be avoided, but even positive over-exuberance is viewed as too much of a good thing. Except in certain situations where enthusiasm is encouraged, like at parties or sporting events, we are encouraged to be calm, cool, and collected, no matter how we're really feeling inside.
Because of uneasiness regarding emotions in general, and negative emotions in particular, we train ourselves to be experts at three activities that keep emotions at bay-distraction, avoidance, and addiction.
1. Distraction. You're taught to distract yourself from the time you are a baby. Who hasn't held up a cute stuffed animal and made silly sounds to distract a baby from crying? As an adult, you might distract yourself from acknowledging feelings with entertainment, work, or your "To Do List."
2. Avoidance is a more deliberate refusal to acknowledge your feelings. Instead, you repress them. When asked about an emotional reaction, you say, "I'm fine. It's nothing. I'm good." This habit eventually leads to emotional numbness and an inability to feel deeply except in extreme circumstances.
3. Addiction. You dissociate from a particular feeling by repeating a behavior that creates a different bio-chemical response. For example, you drink caffeine to dissociate from fatigue, shyness, or sadness; drink alcohol to numb feelings of grief, stress, anger, or pain; exercise excessively to replace depression with an endorphin high; or eat compulsively to stuff down feelings of emptiness. It's not that any of these activities are "bad" in themselves. It's how you use them that make them helpful or harmful.
Each of us have favorite dissociative activities-and they are sometimes necessary. Sometimes you need a break from intense feelings or just can't process an overwhelming event at a given time. However, when dissociation becomes a chronic habit and you fail to acknowledge and learn from your feelings, that's a problem.
When you consistently disregard the messages in your emotions, you cut off the main line of communication between the deeper currents of your life and your conscious awareness. You disconnect from inner guidance that can tell you how to be healthier, happier, more integrated, purposeful, and alive. Cutting yourself off from your own emotions also disconnects you from emotional communication with others, which is the basis for deeper, more loving relationships.
Growing Emotional Intelligence
So, what can you do about this? How can you turn this around and begin to grow your Emotional Intelligence?
A first step is to pay more attention to your emotions by noticing their sensations in your body. Before reaching for the TV remote, that sugary snack, caffeine, alcohol, or painkillers, notice the sensations of emotion.
Ask yourself, "If this feeling were located somewhere in my body where would that be?" Then, describe it as a physical sensation. Is it hot, cold? Is there tightness or pressure? Numbness? Tingling? Itching? Nausea? Expansion? Contraction? Rising? Sinking?
While noticing these sensations, especially if they feel uncomfortable, may seem like an odd thing to do to be happier, it's a first step toward connecting with emotional guidance. There's a deeper wisdom nudging you in these sensations. Paying attention to the sensations of emotions is a way to access them, observe them, and allow them to inform you.
Once you are in touch with the sensation, ask yourself, "What is the message in this emotion?" Just notice what comes to mind.
If you're hesitant to engage with emotions, it's important to keep in mind that emotions are transient. No feeling lasts forever. They arise with a purpose. While present, an emotion gives you information about what is going on inside you, around you, and with others-along with energy to do something about it. Once emotional guidance is heeded, it subsides.
In upcoming articles, I'll share key principles to help you navigate emotions without being overwhelmed by them, insights on what specific emotions are trying to tell you, and strategies to use emotions as a guide to happiness.
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Born to Be a Ten
Have you ever wondered what you think about who you are? So many of us have been taught that our entire self-worth is based on accomplishment and our value in life is due to the contributions we make to society. When we do well we are awesome; when that doesn't happen we are losers?
Is it any wonder an executive with a college education working in a high- rise building making a six- figure income feels like he is on top of the world and a homeless man who does not know where his next meal will come from is viewed by many as being worthless? Is our human value so tied into our accomplishments that when you fail to achieve you are considered a failure?
This mentality of "self-worth based on accomplishment". In the movie "Trading Places" with Dan Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy Dan plays a rich Wall Street Investment Specialist working on wall street and enjoying the best money can offer. A nice place to live, nice clothes, great job and society friends. His self-esteem is centered around his job and work accomplishments. Eddie Murphy plays a broke street hustler who is out there every day trying to find his next patsy for one of his schemes.
Their roles are reversed, and Eddie becomes the Wall Street hotshot and has all the advantages Dan once enjoyed. Meanwhile Dan is reduced to be a street bum and when he tries to reach out to people in his past life for help he finds that once he has lost his position and status at work he is no longer welcome in their world.
The movie depicts how tied into our roles we have all be conditioned to. Parents may ask children questions like "how did you so on your test at school today or did you make the basketball team" and the answers for the child dictate acceptance for succeeding or rejection for failure. Parents are not trying to make their children feel bad; they are just monitoring actions and results. This conditions children to associate accomplishment with achievement.
What if I told you that you are successful not because of what you do but because you are. You are a person with unlimited potential and endless opportunities to advance your dreams. You should do great things in your life, but you don't have to do great things to be a great person. When you were first born you were "fearfully and wonderfully made" and this entitles you to the benefits of being alive in this world. Being a success is not what you do; it's who you are.
On this journey to success keep in mind that success is not really a journey or a destination. Success is more a state of being. Create within your mind that you are already successful because you are here. All the world gets to see is an extension of what that success means.
Remember "Why"
"He who has a why to live can bear with almost any how" -Friedrich Nietzsche
Have you ever been in a situation where you carry on with your life, perhaps you have a job, you get up every morning go to work, come back to your family and carry this on for a year or two and all of a sudden one day on a lonely day or a quite day you feel empty and ask yourself "Why, What and Who?" Why do you do the things you do? What do you live for? Who are you? and what do you really what to accomplish. Such a feeling of emptiness and questioning yourself is usually a self-reflection point in your life. Life can get routinal and at times we live on autopilot every day and forget the purpose regarding our lives. This in a long term or even short term can leave us feeling empty without hope.
I would like to remind you to be purposeful about the intent of your life. Remember why you are where you are and you do what you do. Why you have your spouse as a life partner, remember the reasons you had that made you feel that they are suitable to live life with you, why you feel important about your children and what you would like them to accomplish in life and what you would like to teach them. The most important person is you, what is your purpose, how would you like to be remembered in this life, what would you like to contribute. Having this form of self-reflection can help you live life with a sense of purpose and more intentfully. This will help you live happier and fulfilled. When you feel happier and fulfilled you are more likely to pursue and achieve your life goals.
Get up each day remembering why you do the things you do. Take time to meditate on your life, this will give you energy and the enthusiasm to pursue your dreams. Without remembering "why" you risk living a life that at times can feel purposeless. Without purpose, as human beings we are doomed to give up on everything and feel unhappier. Find your why, reach your goals and live a fulfilling life.The best time to start is not an hour later or tomorrow, start now.
Remember to remain inspired, to move all obstacles standing in your way of success and do not dare give up on yourself or your dreams.
