Miserable Together But Can't Afford To Leave?

Listening to a friend recently who was totally miserable, married to a man who neither loved or respected her I found myself wondering why they were still together.

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, when a marriage ends, the woman is the one who files for divorce two-thirds of the time.

So why doesn't my friend leave her husband?

For a man, his main reason is:

• Lack of physical intimacy.
• Meeting another woman.
• He's no longer no.1 (especially when children come along).
• For her and many like her, the reasons are not always clear, women leave for very different reasons.

Lack of, or no emotional connection. For a woman, there needs to be an emotional intimacy before a physical one. If there is no emotional intimacy sex is unlikely to follow. A husband needs to know what she's thinking and how she is feeling, not always an easy thing to figure out!

Miss matched Finances. Usually, the couple is going in different directions when it comes to money. One maybe a spend thrift the other cannot save. One may be a risk taker the other very conservative when it comes to investments. Either way, it spells disaster if not sorted especially if the man holds the purse strings.

Spending time with family. Whilst women like to engage with wider family members, men are more reluctant to spend time with their mother in law. Discipline and child welfare usually comes under the woman's domain and when the men do step in it's usually not of the same opinion of the wife. Whilst many men still perceive themselves as the breadwinners women resent the fact that they work full-time and still have full-time childcare.

Conflict solving. People rarely agree 100% of the time, finding the common ground can make for a better relationship but if one person always has to back down then resentment will build. Never argue in front of children and always have a common approach to child welfare and discipline.

Controlling or abusive behaviour is never acceptable on either part, man or woman. When it starts it will rarely stop and in many cases, emotional abuse will turn physical.

And the upshot of all this is that woman feel happier, relieved and have a certainty that they were right to end their marriage (despite evidence that divorce may harm their children)

In order for a relationship to work there has to be an investment from both the husband and wife.

We put our time, energy and money into a marriage but more importantly we invest passion, intimacy, and affection... sometimes, just sometimes when we've given all we've got to give there is nothing left.

When this happens we have to say "enough is enough" and walk away.

5 ways to support yourself if you separate...

1. Talk to local advisory services about divorce - find out who you need to inform and why.
2. Seek legal advice before you leave - many solicitors will offer free legal services (30mins sessions).
3. There are many money advice services on the internet who give information regarding the Benefits system and what you may be entitled to.
4. Family and friends are an invaluable support network, swallow your pride and ask for help, don't try to do it alone. There is a huge social media network online to offer advice and support.
5. If you are in danger always contact the police first, don't hesitate, look after yourself.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Miserable-Together-But-Cant-Afford-To-Leave?&id=9426958

My Tips To Manage Stress In The Workplace (By Brenda Lee Mitchell)

I have some tips that I share with my team at stressful times to help them to manage anxiety. The first step is to decide what is actually stressing you. Is it a lack of time, not enough training or just too much to do?

Then you need to speak with your supervisor, a colleague or a friend to help you to deal with the stress. Here are some ways that we work through stress in my office:

1. Write your thoughts in a diary, keep a log in your task section or just a note-book. You do not need to share this with anyone. Give it a little bit of time, say a week, and look for reoccurring themes. Usually without realising, you will be noting something repetitively.

2. Give yourself a way to finish your day. A lot of us leave the office but don't officially finish our work day. We replay things in our mind and talk about work with our loved ones and even dream about it. Make a ritual for your after work health. My husband and I have a 30-minute rule. We have 30 minutes to get everything out and then we don't talk about work anymore for the evening.

3. Practice yoga, meditation, go for walks or hit the gym. Give your body and mind something healthy to focus on. I love to meditate in the morning so that my mind is clear and stress free before I start and I can think clearly. I prefer to exercise, in some form at night. You can try all different things in different orders until you find what works for you.

4. Watch what you put in your mouth, drinks and food make a difference to how you feel. Try to eat healthy food with lots of water as bad food will make you feel even worse.

5. When you are calm, go through your list of stress points with your team leader or manager and see what can be done to make it easier. Perhaps they have a way that they deal with the same item in a calm way. This is not about handing over your work, rather finding a way to deal with what you must do.

6. Take your breaks regularly. I was getting told constantly by my team that they were too busy for breaks, but it is just not productive. By taking that short afternoon tea break or having a break away from your desk you are actually giving your mind and body the time to repair. Your best work will flow when you are rested.

Stress can be different for everyone. Find what works for you and remember that your team is there to support each other. They may be feeling the same, so take the time to speak with each other and your leader.

http://ezinearticles.com/?My-Tips-To-Manage-Stress-In-The-Workplace&id=9358275

Your Heart Got Hijacked? Take It Back

When a man got the "Dear John" treatment from his girlfriend recently, his Fitbit tracked his heartbreak, a dramatic and oh-so-21st century snapshot of what happens to your physical heart when your emotional heart gets trashed.

Indeed, not only do your emotions suffer when you get bad news, or are for whatever reason distressed, angry, fearful-your heart, your cardiovascular system, feels the hurt. Literally. Something scientists have proven repeatedly, study after study.

But here's the thing: when your heart gets hijacked by something bad happening-usually unexpected, you can get it back into a healthier place, and in the process, soothe yourself into a better place.

Why does this matter? Because over time, letting negative feelings yank your heart rate around damages your cardiovascular system. It's not good for your physical well-being for your heart to perform in "fight or flight" mode-which is what it does when you get angry, upset or frightened-over long periods of time. In a sense, it wears your heart down, which impacts all sorts of other bodily functions, as well as your potential longevity.

Not to mention the toll it's taking on your everyday happiness quotient.

Get your heart back! All it takes is a dose of appreciation. I know, that sounds like so much hooey! And certainly, I don't mean appreciate the heartbreak... puh-leeze.

Appreciate that you have friends or family you can talk to, people in your life who value and love you, and who are there to support you through whatever. That you have a cat/dog/iguana/canary who loves you regardless of what your Heartbreaking Other thinks of you. That there are "broken hearts" resources all over the web, in addition to counselors, pastors and others who can be powerful supports.

Appreciate whatever it is that you can learn from this experience. Believe me, there's always something to learn. Whether it's to set better boundaries, get better at asking for what you want and need, becoming a better listener-there's always "better" to be had.

And what about the little things? The daily hassles such as the driver who cut you off. The fifteen times you had to drive around the parking lot to find a space. The alarm that failed to go off and made you late for that oh-so-important appointment. Your boss passing you over for that promotion you know you deserve. The 1000th time you had that same argument with your mother/spouse/child. Need I go on?

Your irritation, frustration and annoyance won't hijack your heart like the big things, but the little things wear on you too. Recent research shows that the more you react negatively to everyday stuff, the more likely you are to have a psychological disorder a decade later. Yikes! And with that, there's increased potential for your physical well-being to be impacted as well.

Be good to yourself. Work on appreciating whatever you can in the situation: the driver cut you off, but all is well, no accident. You had to park far: walking is good for you. The alarm failed: appreciate that you can re-schedule the appointment, and can get a new alarm so that doesn't happen again. You didn't get the promotion: appreciate the opportunity to learn why and can take measures accordingly. That argument? Appreciate that you can learn new communication skills and resolve your argument once and for all.

Yes, it takes some effort, and I agree, the pity-party can be oh-so-satisfying. But in the long run, learning to appreciate, release and let go as soon as you can, will benefit both your physical and emotional heart.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Your-Heart-Got-Hijacked?-Take-It-Back&id=9363117

3 Simple Ways To Relax and Calm Down

Do you find yourself running around and running out of time? Is there never enough time in the day? Do you find it hard to relax? If this is you then try these simple ways to relax and bring a sense of calm to your body and mind:

1. Breathing

You can change the way you feel by simply breathing more deeply. Try this simple exercise:

Close your eyes (if it's safe to do so), take a deep breath in and hold for as long as is comfortable. Let your breath out slowly and as you do so relax your whole body. Breathe in for a 2nd time and hold, then slowly breathe out, relaxing your whole body even more. Repeat this breathing pattern until you begin to notice a positive change in your body and you start to feel more relaxed and energised.

2. Letting Go

If you have a spare 5 minutes, find a seat and sit down. Close your eyes. Become aware of any negative feelings coming up in your body. How do they make you feel? Where do you feel them in your body? What sensations are you experiencing?

As you sit, begin to allow these feelings to come to the fore. Don't try to suppress them, allow them to come to the surface and just be with the sensations that arise from the thoughts and feelings. Focus on them fully. If you begin to feel sensations such as heat, sweaty palms and an increased heart rate, deepen your breathing, focus on the sensations and repeat to yourself the words "Let go, let go, let go... " Allow the sensations to flow up and through you, remaining with them until they begin to subside.

By repeating this simple exercise many times, over time you'll begin to let go of negative thoughts and feelings. The sensations that go with them will become less and less intense, and your body will become more relaxed.

3. Slowing Your Pace

One way of bringing a sense of relaxation to your day when you feel you don't have time to do any calming exercises, is to bring a sense of peace to whatever you're doing. If, for example, you are typing, slow your pace down as far as possible and simultaneously increase your focus.

Look deeply at every letter that you type and in so doing allow your increased focus to occupy your mind completely such that everything else is pushed out. Continue this exercise for as long as you can or until you are interrupted. This will not only give you a sense of control, but will also increase your concentration levels.

http://ezinearticles.com/?3-Simple-Ways-To-Relax-and-Calm-Down&id=9372489

With Much Anticipation

With our busy lifestyles we sometimes tend to rush things just to squeeze everything into our busy day. I dropped off the kids at school and made it to work for our important meeting. When I returned home I proceeded to get dinner started, throw laundry in, helped with homework and was finally able to meet with a friend over dinner.

My entire day was busy, spent running and getting as much accomplished as I could. As I wind down at night, as with most nights, I wonder, "Where did the day go?" Time just goes by too fast when you are busy.

Sometimes we rush things, sometimes when we want something we lose our ability to let things happen naturally. Sure, we get all of our business handled but there are times when we wish we could have given a little bit more time or attention than we did. Sometimes when we want something we are in a hurry to get it. We tend to try to speed up the process, but life has a way of teaching us patience.

Have you ever met with a friend and have to leave in a half hour or an hour because you have a full agenda. Sure, you are so happy to have the chance to relax and catch up on things, but you sure wish you did this more often and for a longer period of time.

The thing is, having children is a full time job. Running a household is very time consuming and having a job is very demanding as well. But you have to set time aside for you, no matter how long or short that time may be.

Unplanned events will happen. You are on your way to an important meeting and you get a flat tire. You are on your way to your son's game and he forgot his gear, even after reminding him countless times. Take it all in stride, you'll get through this.

Life has a way of changing things. Our bodies tell us when we need more rest; if we don't get it our body will become ill. That illness will make us rest. Do the things you can, while you can. Don't put off the things you want to do for another day. Make up a list of things that you want to do. It may be a trip that you always wanted to take, it might be taking a class or a certain activity, make the time and do it.

When you are young you think that you are invisible, that you have all the time in the world to do what you want. The truth is, our life span comes into prospective when someone close to us gets ill or passes away. This is when you think of all the things that you want to accomplish in your lifetime. But with time and daily living, this feeling passes and responsibility takes over.

If your lifestyle is busy and stressful, slow down and life will become more meaningful. Your body will appreciate it. Check for the signs of a heart attack and schedule your physical. Just because you feel fine does not mean that your body is. Stress does take a toll on your body. As you do this, remember to relax your mind as well. There are various ways to do this; meditate, listen to music, draw, sing and dance to name a few.

Our lifestyle makes us in a hurry; it is when we slowdown that we realize all the things we missed. Slow down because you want to, not because life forces you to.

Wishing you good health, long life and prosperity.

http://ezinearticles.com/?With-Much-Anticipation&id=9390617

Stress Management Tips at Your Rescue

Stress is the "wear and tear" our bodies experience as we adjust to our continually changing environment. In other words, it refers to the effect on a person when he does not have adequate resources to meet the challenges of life. It is the way your mind and body responds to the various demands made by life. Different people can tolerate different levels of stress.

Is stress always bad?

1. The stress you experience is not necessarily harmful.
2. Mild forms of stress can act as a motivator and energizer.
3. However, if your stress level is too high, problems can result.

These sources of stress are called stressors. Knowing what factors are most stressful to you and how you respond to this stress is very important, because awareness is 90% of the solution.

The symptoms of stress largely fall under 4 categories:

1. Feelings: Examples of the following are either feeling anxious, scared, irritable, or moody.

2. Thoughts: Examples of the same are experiencing low self-esteem, fear of failure, inability to concentrate, worrying about the future, preoccupation with thoughts/tasks or forgetfulness.

3. Behaviour: Examples of the following would be stuttering and other speech difficulties, crying for no apparent reason, acting impulsively, startling easily, grinding your teeth, increasing smoking / drugs / alcohol, losing your appetite or overeating.

4. Physiology/Body Reactions: Examples would be having butterflies in stomach, headaches, pain in the neck and or lower back, susceptibility to illness and so forth.

Stress and Personality:

While stressors are present in everyone's life, not all of us get stressed by them, or to the same extent. Some of us possess certain personality traits that can predispose us toward stress:

1. Tension
2. Guilt Proneness
3. Sensitivity
4. Excitability

Individuals who possess these or a combination of these traits are more likely to experience stress.

How can stress be combated?

Many stresses can be changed, eliminated, or minimized. The right coping methods can help you. Stress Management is the ability to maintain control when situations, people, and events make excessive demands.

1. Focus on task-oriented methods: Task oriented responses would include:

• Behaviour directed primarily at dealing with the stressor.
• Appraise situation objectively, work out alternative solutions, decide on strategy, take action and evaluate feedback.
• Involves making changes in oneself, one's surroundings or both.

2. Confront the problem rather than brood about it!

3. Seek support: from family, friends, and other important people in your life.

4. Become aware of your own reactions to stress.

5. Reinforce positive self-statements.

6. Focus on your good qualities and accomplishments.

7. Avoid unnecessary competition.

8. Develop assertive behaviours.

9. Recognize and accept your limits. Remember that everyone is unique and different.

10 Get a hobby or two. Relax and have fun.

Benefits of managing stress effectively:

1. Critical Life Skill: Good stress management will impact every sphere of your life:

• Academic
• Professional
• Personal Relationships
• Health
• Life Satisfaction

2. Enable you to deal with anxiety-provoking situations in a calm and controlled manner.

3. Enable you to keep your perspective and not buckle under stress.

4. Give every challenging situation your best and make full use of your resources in meeting that challenge head on.

5. Learn stress buster techniques like yoga or meditation.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Stress-Management-Tips-at-Your-Rescue&id=9404177

The Ticket to a Simpler Life

Do you dream of leading a simpler life? Are you worn out, frustrated, or unhappy with where you live or what you do? I've talked about living in paradise before, but I wanted to share a few more thoughts on the subject.

There isn't anything wrong with having a "paradise dream" (dreams are encouraged!), but if we live our lives waiting until we can move on to greener pastures, we'll miss out on what life has to offer right now.

We all have ideas on what we think a simpler life means. Some of us think retiring and moving to the woods is the ticket. Others want to move to somewhere tropical. Most of the time retiring and moving are key components for what we think is a happier, stress-reduced life.

Oh, the error of our ways...

The thing is, simplifying life doesn't have to mean moving to the middle of nowhere. Oftentimes, doing just that actually complicates things a bit. Just think about all the things you have to do to survive if you take off and move into the woods. If you don't have electricity, you have to get firewood (even if you live in the south - doesn't it get chilly there, too?). If you don't have a job or a ton of money in savings, you can't just buy the wood. That means you have to gather and cut the wood yourself. What it takes to live off the land and survive is a lot more than one would expect. And in many cases, it's a full-time job.

Our ideas of a simpler life aren't always accurate. We think if we can just move into the woods, life will be simpler. Or we think if we can just quit our jobs, life will be simpler. Sometimes it really is simpler, especially if there is drama in the workplace, but what are we going to do after that? How are we going to pay the bills?

Even if we live off the grid and grow our own food, we still have expenses. Whether we like it or not, we still need an income or a major reserve of funds to get by. It isn't as easy as one might think.

Also, in our world today, we have become spoiled with technology. We can whip out our smartphones and find out just about any information we need or want. We can order products, even food, online and have it delivered to our front door. We can watch movies online and dial a phone number simply by speaking a few words into the phone.

Many of us aren't ready to say goodbye to the internet. And if we want high-speed internet (trust me, satellite internet doesn't cut it), well, we'll need to be in a location where the service is available.

See, we have these grand ideas that if we take off into the woods, life will get easier. But the issue comes when our true calling doesn't actually support our dreams of living in the woods. In that case, moving to the woods makes our lives much harder. Internet will be slower, if it works at all, and getting supplies will take longer.

What I'm trying to get across is this: it doesn't matter where we live. We can still find ways to simplify our lives without taking off and saying goodbye to the world.

Many of us think if we just move to somewhere tropical, life will be easy. But does it align with our calling? If it does, great! If not, moving to that paradise location will make our lives miserable. We can have the best view in the world, but if it makes doing our work more difficult, we may find ourselves frustrated.

So, what are some ways we can make the most of where we are right now?

• Remember our goals. 
• Remember our purpose (we weren't meant to be hermits). 
• Work toward our dreams. 
• Focus on positive things and limit the complaints. 
• Recognize the blessings. 
• Learn from all experiences. 
• Remember that life is a journey. 
• Find an activity to enjoy. 
• Believe that paradise can be achieved right now. 
• Listen to the things that God is placing on our hearts.

The grass on our side can be just as green as it appears on the other side. It just takes a little work to see things clearly. It isn't about the location or the work; it's about the journey and what we can learn each step of the way.

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Ticket-to-a-Simpler-Life&id=9409292