Love Is Forever (By Kathy Wilson)

My magical cat, Silver, came to me in a dream. And then he brought Jezibel to me.

When my previous cat, Miss Winters, had transitioned I grieved deeply. Friends kept calling me to tell me they knew of a cat that needed a home, but I knew I wasn't ready for another one. Had I taken on another cat before I was done grieving for Winter I would have been comparing the new cat to her. That just wouldn't be fair to the new cat.

A couple of years after Winter had died, I had a dream about a gray cat. It was as if I was laying on the floor and the cat was walking toward me. That's it. About 15 seconds of a dream, but it stayed with me all that day and the next.

Three days after the gray cat dream, a woman I knew who worked at my vet's office called me. "We have a cat in here from the shelter who's ready to be adopted and I think you should take a look at him. His name is Silver Cloud."

When she said his name I was stunned. My first thought was, "He's here already! The gray cat in my dream is here... and I don't even have any cat food or a litter box!" I made arrangements to come look at him the next day.

On my way to the vet's office I stopped to pick up a friend who wanted to go with me and see this dream cat I'd told her about. When we arrived at the vet's office, we went in and were taken to a room with huge cages. The vet's assistant pulled Silver out of one cage and gave him to me to hold. He was so excited he could hardly hold still, and kept moving from my left shoulder to my right and back again and then he'd flop backwards and look at me, almost as if he couldn't believe I was really there.

As this was going on, my friend was telling the vet and her assistant about a little black female cat she'd had but gave up because she got married and her husband hated cats. She still missed the cat deeply. The vet's assistant turned and pulled a little black cat out of another cage and handed her to my friend, probably hoping she'd fall in love with the cat and adopt it.

Before anyone could say a word, Silver spotted the little girl cat, threw himself backwards in my arms, stretched his arm out and around the little girl cat's neck and drew her toward him. He began licking her face as if he was plastering kisses all over her.

Both the vet and her assistant were stunned. "Those two cats have never seen each other," the vet finally said.

We watched the love fest for a while and finally I told them I'd take Silver and would be back the next day to pick him up, after I'd gotten cat food and other essentials.

The next day I arrived to pick up the cat of my dream, but I had a surprise coming. "We let Silver and Jezibel, the little black girl cat, stay out of their cages in the room and they played together, ate together, slept together, and basically were unseparable... and you have to take both of them," the vet announced.

"No. I only want one cat," I replied.

Well, this discussion went on for a while until finally she said, "You take both of them or you'll not get Silver. I won't even charge you for Jezibel."

And that's how I ended up with two cats.

It's been fifteen years since that day and every day I've been so grateful that the vet made me take both cats. They have loved each other as much every day since as they did that first day. They still sleep near or next to each other, eat together, have lick fests, and basically just love the dickens out of each other.

Or they did, until yesterday. Recently, Jezibel had been getting weaker, eating less and less, and beginning to have difficulty breathing. It soon got so bad that she couldn't walk across the room without having to stop to catch her breath. So I took her to the vet yesterday and the determination was that she had a tumor which was causing fluid to overfill the area around her heart and lungs, making it difficult for her to breathe. There was nothing that could be done to make her better. So my husband and I made the most difficult decision to allow the vet to put her to sleep.

I'm so very sad that I won't be able to enjoy Jezibel and the special connection we had. Still, I'm grateful that I was allowed to enjoy her for so many years. And I'm even more grateful that I could witness the deep, abiding love that she and Silver had for one another.

I believe that Silver and she had a communication toward the last about her leaving this plane. At one point he just sat next to her quietly while they looked into each other's eyes. He's not seeming to miss her - not looking for her or anything like that. I believe that when beloved pets transition, their spirit remains for a period of time. It's almost as if the pet wants to continue sharing their love for a while to help those left behind adjust to their loss. I think that Silver senses her spirit is still here... and so do I.

Remember... love is forever

As I was writing this article I was reminded of another one I wrote years ago after a dear friend had died. One day I was talking with a wise friend about my reaction and deep grief to my other friend's death. I mused upon the fact that either we're coming from love or from fear, and since this grief didn't feel like love, it must be fear of some kind. But fear of what?

She didn't disappoint and instantly gave me the wisdom I was looking for. "Grief," she said, "is the fear of lack of love."

Makes perfect sense. When someone, or some thing such as a dear pet that we love, dies then we fear that the love we shared with them dies, too. But here's the truth: Once energy is created it exists for eternity. Love, like all emotions, is energy. This means that when you lose someone or something you loved, the energy of that love still exists. And you can tap into it any time you want so you can enjoy it again.

It's easy. All you have to do is remember an instance or event with that person or thing that created the feeling of love within you. And you'll feel it again in an instant, whenever you want. And the best part is that you can never, ever lose a memory that creates the energy of love for you.

So if you feel yourself beginning to sink into the sadness of grief, remember that it's a signal to you that you're afraid you've lost love. Know that you can never lose love because it's eternal. And then recall a moment or an experience that brought you the feeling of love. As you do so, you'll feel that love energy once again.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Love-Is-Forever&id=10444438

Conquer The Bandits That Rob Your Willpower

Probably everyone wishes, at one time or another, for more willpower.

With consistent willpower, we can banish our worst habits. We can finally ignore what we once regarded as temptations luring us toward the promise of pleasure, distraction, or relief, only to discover that they slam us with guilt and regret when we give in. With sufficient willpower we can develop habits that make us stronger, healthier, smarter, wealthier, or more attractive, depending on our goals.

The source of willpower is found in the brain's prefrontal lobe, home of the "executive function." The prefrontal lobe gives us the ability to execute the actions that lead to accomplishing our goals. Like an executive or a business manager, it decides what gets done or not done. The prefrontal lobe gives us the capacity for:

• Decision-making

• Evaluating options

• Directing attention

• Delaying gratification

• Following rules

The brain's reward circuit creates habits through the release of a neuro-chemical called dopamine. The reward circuit encourages us to remember substances and experiences that initially bestow "rewards" - feelings of excitement, pleasure, or relief - and remember what we did to obtain those rewards. Dopamine urges us to pay attention to cues that signal when those substances and experiences are available, encouraging us to "do it again," setting up an expectation of more rewards. The reward circuit can put our brains in a constant struggle between succumbing to bad habits or following the dictates of our more virtuous executive function.

When we give in to the urgings of the brain's reward circuitry, we are more likely to watch television instead of taking a walk, choose the cookies instead of the apple, play video games instead of doing homework. The problem with dopamine is that it overrides rational judgment and good intentions. It can decommission the prefrontal lobe so that we engage in destructive habits over and over again. By strengthening willpower, we get a stronger prefrontal lobe.

In this article, I'll discuss six factors that weaken willpower, and not surprisingly, there is a remedy for each. These six factors prompt us to pursue our vices. When you become aware of these willpower "bandits" you'll be better prepared to avoid them and make better choices.

Bandit #1 - Social Influence

Marlene Dietrich once said "The weak are more likely to make the strong weak than the strong are likely to make the weak strong." The people you hang out with can exert amazing influence over whether you follow healthy or unhealthy behaviors. Friends and family members often introduce us to the very habits that ensnare us. We tend to congregate with people like ourselves. So we have drinking buddies, smoking pals, and we know just who to call to join us in that jaunt to the Baskin Robbins for the triple scoop special!

Mirror neurons in the brain make us want to mimic the behaviors of those around us. By going along with others, we get social reinforcement and a feeling of belonging. So if you want to stop an unwanted habit, stop associating with people who share your weakness. They may be your friends, but they might also sabotage your success; something I wrote about in this article. If you still want to spend time with them, then do it away from the bar, the casino, the ice cream shop, or whatever environment might be your downfall.

If you plan to take up a new habit, find ways to spend time with people who are also engaged in that new behavior. Going to the gym may be more fun than exercising at home just because you'll be in the presence of others who are exercising. Join a club, or a meet-up group, or a support group and put those mirror neurons to work!

Even if your new habit is a private, solitary activity, you can still get support from others through website forums and from websites where you can chart your progress along with others working on similar goals. You could also hire a life coach to hold you accountable, discuss your progress, help you problem-solve, and teach you motivate yourself.

Bandit #2 - Fatigue

It's obvious that we give in to temptation when we feel tired. The three main causes of fatigue are overwork, inadequate sleep, and low blood sugar. To combat fatigue, find a way to balance your work time and your personal time. You may need to negotiate with your supervisor and/or coworkers to modify your schedule, the number of hours you work, or the range of your responsibilities. Perhaps you need to delegate. Perhaps you need to get to bed earlier so that your work day is more productive. Perhaps you need to eat foods that give you more stamina and energy.

Inadequate sleep will undermine your resolve to stop a bad habit or start a new one. Inadequate sleep has been shown to reduce energy, lower productivity, compromise immunity, and cause weight gain. The National Center for Sleep Disorders Research estimates that 70 million people suffer from sleep problems. Many people take over-the-counter sleeping pills or prescription drugs for sleep disorders such as insomnia. You can do better by learning to manage stress (see below) more effectively. Also, consider hypnotherapy for insomnia.

Low blood sugar is often a result of what you eat. Sugars, fats, starches, many processed foods, and alcohol break down quickly in the digestive system, converting to sugar. These foods are high in empty calories and low in nutritional value. They raise blood sugar levels, causing the pancreas to pump out more insulin to bring down sugar levels. As blood sugar levels drop, the result is fatigue, poor concentration, and cravings for more of those foods. You'll have more staying power if you get off the sugar/fat/starch cycle and start eating foods high in fiber and protein that are digested more slowly.

Bandit #3 - Focusing on What You Don't Want

Focusing on what you don't want isn't a well-formed outcome. It's better to say "I want to achieve a healthy weight," than to say, "I don't want to be so fat" A positively stated goal or outcome focuses attention on the solution, not the problem.

The problem is that when people grapple with habits and temptations on a daily basis they tend to focus on what to avoid. They say something like, "When I am at the party tonight I will resist the urge to eat the cookies and cakes." So, at the party, where does the attention go? It goes right to those forbidden goodies. Now, the dopamine in your brain insists that you must have as many as you can consume! Your executive function has been high-jacked and your willpower seems to have escaped out the nearest window.

The remedy is to focus your attention on what you will do instead: "When I go to the party tonight I will nibble on munchies from the vegetable tray." Here's another pitfall to be aware of, however. For many people, doing something "good" (i.e., eating the veggies) gives them permission to do something "bad" as a reward (i.e., eating the cake). If you define your habit as an indulgence for being "good" and you think that that being "bad" is a reward for being "good," then you'll remain mired in the habit that causes your misery. Read more about this in Kelly McGonigal's book, The Willpower Instinct.

Bandit #4 - Negative Self-talk

Many people honestly believe that by criticizing and chastising themselves, they will turn to better behavior. That's usually wrong! How would you feel if another person scolded you or belittled you on a daily basis? You would hate it. Negative self-talk often triggers the brain's alarm system - bringing anxiety. So the brain decides the best way to alleviate that anxiety is to demand relief - and your reward system will insist you must have that drink, that chocolate, or that bag of potato chips.

There are many ways to change negative self-talk, especially with Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). You can dismantle it, invalidate it, reframe it, and replace it. Contact an NLP practitioner and read more about it in Steve Andreas' nifty book, Transforming Negative Self-talk.

Bandit #5 - Perfectionist Strivings

Many people get stalled out on starting a new, desired habit because they insist it must be done perfectly, and if it isn't perfect, then they will have failed. So they procrastinate, stewing in fear-of-failure anxiety. Moreover, many people begin a new, desired habit only to quit at the first sign of difficulty. A goal based on perfection is not achievable.

Whoever said "Anything worth doing is worth doing right," and "If you can't do something right, don't do it at all," did not understand how humans learn. We learn most anything that is difficult through trial and error. In many undertakings we must start out as beginners, making mistakes and correcting them until we achieve consistency and competence. Stop relying on the idea that you must be perfect. Jump in and learn as you go, expecting to have mistakes and lapses along the way. Remember, life is messy - so get on with it.

Bandit #6 - Stress

You probably know that stress can sap your willpower in a hurry. That's because stress activates the sympathetic nervous system and sets off activity in the brain's limbic region, the seat of worry and anxiety. When the limbic system is getting the brain's energy, there is little left over for the prefrontal lobe. It's as though your brain's executive has been scared off by an unruly mob of neurotransmitters screaming that everything is going wrong. You'll regain some control when you see stress as a signal to apply coping mechanisms.

Stop The Bandits!

So look at your daily life and identify your willpower bandits. Ask yourself:

• Do I hang out with people who have healthy habits, or with people who have unhealthy habits?

• Do I get enough sleep - or is there some way I could improve my sleep habits?

• Do I focus too much on what I don't want, when I should be focusing on what I want instead?

• Do I have negative self-talk going on in my head that undermines my willpower?

• Do I sabotage my good intentions with perfectionist strivings?

• Am I handling the stress in my life effectively, or do I need better stress management skills?

Answer these questions honestly and you might get some clues about how to empower and ramp up your executive function so that you muster the will power to conquer bad habits and start good ones!

References

Andreas, S. 2012. Transforming Negative Self-talk. New York: W. W. Norton

McGonigal, K. 2011. The Willpower Instinct. New York: Avery

https://ezinearticles.com/?Conquer-The-Bandits-That-Rob-Your-Willpower&id=9882430

How to Let Go Of Resistance So Your Desires Can Manifest

Do you ever find yourself thinking, "I'm way too emotional about this. I shouldn't want it so much"? Especially if you've been hurt before... burned deeply by a desire that you desired. You wonder if you've set the bar too high, or if you simply want something too much.

Social media marketer Kim Orlando felt this way. She was worried about being too emotional about her success. Had she gone overboard... desiring success too much instead of sailing through a take-it-or-leave-it (non-resistant) attitude? It created a contradiction; making her wonder if she was too attached to what she wanted.

When we have a really strong desire, we often have somewhere within us an exact opposite energy... some kind of fear. It's the nature of duality. Part of us wants this, and part of us wants that. (Or part of us wants this, but not if that will hurt us.)

If we aren't feeling any emotion (good or bad)... if we're feeling indifference... then our desire isn't big enough. So how much desire is too much desire?

This is a favorite game of our Ego. It's a game of cat-and-mouse at its best. If Ego can make us look at impending disaster, then it can summon resistance. It tingles with delight when we start looking at potential problems. This is why we sometimes need discipline to train ourselves to not look at the problems, but to look only at the desired outcome. Yes, there's that word "desire" again!

Kim knew this was her hidden power, to look only at her desired outcome. She knew the easiest way to let go of resistance was to look ONLY at her desires, and we can do the same. So go ahead... let's feel free to sprinkle positive energies all over our desires. In changing our perspective from potential problems to desired outcomes, it changes our vibration and invites success.

Helpful tip: When you're feeling stuck, it's never the situation that has you stuck... it's your energy that's become stuck, by the trigger of negative emotions that can come from past situations or events.

In other words, it isn't the pain of the situation; it's the pain of not being connected in the natural energy of who you really are... of being connected to that magical part of you that's a creative vibrational being who can use positive energies to create what you want and bring it into physical manifestation. Part of this process is to allow your manifestations to materialize, and not get stuck in the negative vibrations that block them.

https://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Let-Go-Of-Resistance-So-Your-Desires-Can-Manifest&id=9973243

Things Will Start Happening Today - First Quietly Then Crazy | Abraham Hicks [GREAT]

We All Encounter Setbacks In Life, Yet We Mustn't Allow Ourselves To Ever Be Defeated

We Mustn't Give Up Hope Of A Better Future

If you let your defeats conquer you, they will penetrate your psyche and erode your character. Setbacks are unavoidable in this journey called life and none of us are immune to them. If you are reading this now, you no doubt live in the Western world and have access to technology which makes you more privileged than millions of others living in poverty. I mention this because life in the Western world comes with its privileges and its downsides.

Defeat is sewn into the fabric of our existence and it accompanies us our entire life whether it be our: health, relationships, career or financial. Every one of us has a story where defeat gained a foothold into our minds. Some people recoil from the pain while others rise to the challenge and overcome their barriers to defeat. Can you identify with this narrative? Have there been moments in your life when you experienced setbacks and thought you wouldn't bounce back, yet you did? We are all tested in some form or another, some more than others and whilst it may not be fair, this doesn't mean life is unjust. Those who overcome defeat learn quickly that to judge life based on fairness does not award them any more power than the next person.

Unfortunate things happen to good people and one need only turn on the news to see the situation in Greece with the fires and the earthquake in Indonesia where the death toll continues to rise into the hundreds. Challenges are everywhere, but we mustn't give up hope of a better future. We mustn't believe we are powerless in the face of our defeats. Sometimes it may feel life imposes itself upon us in a cruel and unjust way. We may want to retreat until we feel ready to emerge again. This isn't necessarily a bad plan though we mustn't stay down or else our self-esteem and character will be compromised if we don't confront our challenges.

Make The Best Of Our Hardships

When speaking in front of audiences or coaching clients, I often ask people to think back to a time in their life that shaped their character. Similarly, I invite you to reflect on moments when you experienced hardship or defeat yet overcame it? What lessons did you learn and what skills or qualities did you develop? People often say they didn't think they had the inner strength and the resiliency to overcome their setbacks and this reaffirms why we must face our challenges with an open mind and a soft heart. We can't allow life to extinguish our inner light because once it goes out it will be difficult to rekindle the promise of hope, faith and enthusiasm.

I can't explain why unpleasant things happen to us, nor would I want the burden of trying to figure it out. I've come to the realisation it is a waste of time and energy trying to understand why unfortunate things happen. If I look for the meaning in life's events, I become mired in the problem and move further away from a solution. However, if I accept it and rise again to shake the fragments of defeat off my shoulder, I realise life isn't a tale about being knocked down, but it's about how many times we rise that makes the difference. Similarly, it's of little use to justify life being fair or unfair since this is not beneficial and relieves us of our power to respond affirmatively. If we can summon our inner power and make the best of our hardships, we can sail into smoother waters knowing there will be times when the sea of life will be rough, yet when the storm passes it will be smooth sailing once again. It is what the acclaimed Brazilian author of The Alchemist Paulo Coelho refers to in a recent tweet when he said: "The more violent the storm, the quicker it passes."

I'd like for you to walk away after reading this article and get a sense that setbacks are part of the human condition, though we mustn't be defeated by them. If we do, we risk losing ourselves to what the late holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl reiterated through his writing and teachings; our ability to choose our attitude. Frankl's passage from Man's Search for Meaning underscores that our attitude is the last remaining hope after everything is taken away from us, as was the case when he lost his family in the concentration camps of Nazi Germany: "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms-to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." You are not the product of your defeats because they are teaching points from which to cultivate your greatest strength, should you rise above them. For in overcoming our impediments, we discover the depth of our character and an abiding spirit of resiliency that follows us throughout life ever more.

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You Are The Average Of Who You Meet & Keep In Life (By Dash Trembley)

This morning, while I was working out in the gym, I overheard a very interesting conversation that reminded me of the very wise old saying that, "you're the average of the 5 people you hang out with." So there's this man in my local gym who's always taking up one machine for long blocks of time, and I often see him on my workout days. He saw his "Gym buddy" coming over from the other end of the room and started a "conversation" with him. He complained about how much he drank the day before, and how he still feels like throwing up and that's why he's not doing his squats today. He went on incessantly.

Then "Gym buddy" joined in on complaining even more about his own current work and life on top of the man's drinking escapades yesterday. The man cut "Gym buddy" off in the middle of the conversation, realising he's not talking about him anymore and he wasn't ready to listen or provide his two cents so he invited him to go outside to take a "smoke break" instead. "Gym buddy" said to him, "I'm actually trying to quit smoking. I started yesterday." Then the man looked at him with a long disbelieving pause that was half-filled with genuine shock but I can tell he really wanted him to join him for a smoke. So "Gym buddy" made another feeble attempt to convince him once more, but this time in a much weaker tone, and he said again, "I'm serious. I'm really trying to quit." The man asked him "Why?" like it was a bad decision and foolish thing to do.

So this man started to tell him his own story about how he tried to quit for 4 (short) weeks suffering from all the most horrible withdrawal symptoms and then went back to smoking again. Even though there was no real moral or value to his story, he continued to justify and lay out all his reasons for quitting in great enthusiasm. Then "Gym buddy" turned to asked him, "Then what happened?" He simply said to him, "Nothing. I just went back to square one." "Gym buddy" paused for a split second and then said, "Fuck it, let's go." And they both started discussing about the brand of cigarettes they smoke and suggested to share and split it.

In just less than 2 minutes of sharing his experience of how he tried to quit and fail (in just 4 weeks) he has influenced and convinced someone else to give up their goal and intention in just less than 24 hours. The scary thing is, that was just an acquaintance he probably meet once a month at the gym. There was a period of time I actually preferred my customized workouts from home just so I didn't let in any chance to even come in contact with any energy that was negative. I became a "vibrational-snob".

I remember when I started my outdoor runs, (and by that, I mean my short sprints) strangers would just give me all sorts of funny looks like I lost my marbles. A few even came up to me and told me to slow down. "Don't run so fast." Perhaps it did come with good intentions, but sometimes, people who're offering you the most "opinions and advices" are the ones who're nowhere close to being happy, healthy, or abundant, to even be offering their two cents. They're usually the ones who're out of shape, emotionally, and mentally bankrupt. Can you imagine if that person was a friend or even a family member, which usually is the case, who's constantly talking you out of change? The good kind of change? Is someone in your life holding you back from becoming the best version of yourself?

https://ezinearticles.com/?You-Are-The-Average-Of-Who-You-Meet-and-Keep-In-Life&id=10115595

One Decision to Make Change Exciting

Imagine you're in a comfortable groove playing nice in the sandbox... and then everything changes.? Change is inevitable.? Things are always changing and we get off balance.

In my upcoming book, Workplace Sandbox Strategies, Resolving Conflict from the Inside Out, I draw attention to the parallels of business and our youthful years in sandbox play. Do you recall the intrigue that we felt for continuously building because when we play with sand, we accept impermanence. Everything was always changing, and even today, nothing is ever set in sand.

When we're squeezed out of our comfort zone, into the unknown, we feel fear and frustration, and we begin to pass judgement.? But... what if we could decide to change those feelings into something more productive and peaceful.

Fear ⇒ Excitement?

Frustration ⇒ Courage?

Judgement ⇒ Curiosity?

As I work with different people and organizations, I notice that some people have decided to be excited, courageous and curious about the potential that this CoVid pandemic will provide, and others have decided to be stuck in fear and frustration. Either way is not right or wrong... it just is what it is.

Each has been given the same set of circumstances, and the same options to decide from.???

• If you could choose between fear and excitement, which would you choose? And why??
• If you could choose between frustration and courage, which would you rather? And why??
• If you could choose between judgement and curiosity, which would you prefer? And why??

The reason I end each of these questions with 'why?' is because you can't change what you don't acknowledge.? You can dig deep here and really get honest with yourself as to why your deciding to be in with or against the circumstances.?

If you're standing in excitement, courage and curiosity, congratulations.? You're very proactive and influential, and your team needs you.? The greatest leaders can't lead without the commitment of those who follow.? Great decision! But it's not easy.? Your influential muscles area getting a workout and becoming stronger.? The world needs more people who think like you.???

If you're standing in fear and frustration, know that you're in charge, this is your sandbox and you get to shift the grains of sand however you decide.? Either decision will cost you energy and effort, the real question becomes, what outcome do you want????

If you're leading a change, empathize with how people are thinking and feeling about the change, and how you might change their emotional response to one of excitement, courage and curiosity.? A first step would be to acknowledge what has been lost.? Don't miss this step.? The greatest need of the human spirit is the need to FEEL understood, so that empathy is very critical, and very valuable.?

Embrace change because the high cost of fear is avoidable, and profits can be used for better things.

https://ezinearticles.com/?One-Decision-to-Make-Change-Exciting&id=10306537