People just keep on hurrying along. From one project to the next, to a new house, a new relationship, a new job, another vacation; to 'something different'. People are forever busy organizing, planning, making sure that everything keeps going well. This juggling act continues day-in, day-out... and again, another season, another year has passed. Many people have long since activated next year's calendar. The next summer vacation has already been booked! People quite often don't talk about their hurried lifestyles. It just keeps piling up and their calendar gets filled to overflowing. The very young are especially prone to having full activity planners. There is definitely a need to express oneself, to just talk, open up to someone and unwind, but there doesn't seem be any time for that.
Do you still have time for a talk? There is always something, an activity, in other words, a reason why that's not possible... busy, busy. Fortunately, it will soon be Christmas again, 'good times'!
People talk to me about their experiences: "When I talk about 'it', I have lost, or will lose, my balance. Then I will no longer be able to control myself and lose my grip."
Or: 'I have given off all kinds of signals but I'm not being heard. I did actually say it, but it wasn't heard. Nobody listens to me. I probably haven't been clear enough. These feelings tend to grow over time and come to control me, which turns these feelings into fixed images and so appear to become exclusive. It's like a barrier is being thrown up and then I don't know how to break through anymore. It is a weird vicious circle that somehow or other I do know, also from experience, can be broken, but right now I don't know how or when. It is becoming a pattern in my life. I really would want to be invited for it, or that someone creates a circumstance, a climate. There should be somebody there who listens to me. Who listens in a way that makes me speak. Because there are always reasons not to express myself, not to approach, call or mail the other person, or (I know, really old-fashioned) to simply write a letter." Many people find it much easier to deliver a positive message, to just casually remark that you have experienced, bought or done something nice, funny, or enjoyable, rather than to give voice to a sad or impressive feeling.
When you are not satisfied about how you experience yourself there is often something that holds you back. Something that throws you back on your individuality, on yourself, into your own environment, into isolation. It would appear like you don't feel the need for other people and you begin to withdraw into yourself. Shutting yourself in, turning inward, while the need to be 'together' is actually quite strong. This need, however, is dismissed as 'Oh well, the seasons are changing, it's a period in which I'm vulnerable and sensitive.' Or: 'Leave me be, this is just the way I am.' Or 'just take me as I am.'
It is precisely the people who say that, who make these statements, who don't want to be left alone. They want to sit quietly together and somebody to 'really' listen to them. They want to think and talk together about their experiences without the need to solve absolutely anything. Just reflection in moments of cherishing, realisation and silence.
Strange, isn't it, to speak in silence!
Many, many people speak in silence. Just listen to yourself. You hold many, long conversations with yourself in your 'internal language', in your musings. The conversation with yourself is worthy of being shared with others. With people who really and sincerely want to be with you. With those people who want to talk with you without imposing themselves or wanting to shoulder your thoughts. There are people who really take an interest.
These conversations are often moments of insight and growth. Really personal, intimate and precious moments. Experiences that you later look back on and feel warmly about. Those kinds of evenings that seem to fly past; "is it this late already... ?'
Then you will find the words, know why and when, and it will make no difference what is being said. Then it will come from within and it will feel just right. Everything that comes spontaneously from within yourself is good, is of value. Then it will come naturally. To not yet fully know but still, somehow, know inside. The other person fosters that knowledge through listening and the conversation, which gives you space. Space to speak and be heard at multiple levels. Then you will automatically speak your own language. This also applies to entrepreneurs, managers and executives. But also to doctors and relief workers. That is the language that many others would also like to hear from you. Real words are self-explanatory.
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