We can say that "change" is truly one of the few certainties of our life.
We change us and everything around us, at times in a hurry, other times more slowly, sometimes more obviously, other times in a more subtle way, but inexorably.
Change is a small death, we have to leave something behind, something that for us was a reference, to look toward a future that seems uncertain and sometimes threatening, especially if it is a change that makes us feel fear or we define as 'negative'.
However, change is a natural and healthy process, change is inextricably linked to growth: without change there is no, physical, emotional or spiritual growth. Change is at the very foundation of our evolution, it is the factor of evolution. A life without change is in fact already a death.
Sometimes changes bring rivers of tears, feelings of helplessness and despair, but paradoxically, it is precisely in the transition that we build our power and our happiness. Not a power and a happiness 'external' and therefore fragile, but 'internal', deep and stable.
It is important to recognise that there is nothing dangerous or evil in change, except our interpretation of it, the negative judgment that we attach to it. What makes a painful transition is not so much what happens - the facts as such- but our way of interpreting them.
When something changes, we are in a hurry to label the new situation as 'good' or 'bad', 'right' or 'unjust', 'luck' or 'tough luck', while if we were truly honest with ourselves we should admit that we do not really know anything about the consequences of that change!
How many times has something that we have judged at first sight as catastrophic is later then detected as a blessing?
But, let's get back to that part of us which brakes, kicks and punches in the face of transition. This part is the control. In each of us resides a "controller" that will not rest. It is full of expectations, and the first expectation is precisely that the situations remain fixed and immutable.
Our marriage and our relationship must remain fixed and unchanged... if it changes it means that there is something wrong (preferably in the other); our working situation must remain fixed and immutable... if it changes we live it as a disaster. Not to mention the economic situation...
Security (understood as non-change) has always been only an illusion. The only constant on which we can make a real expectation and that we have the possibility to completely dominate is "trust". Have confidence in life and in every change that it proposes us. Even those that appear more tragic to us: tragic is our vision, not the change in itself.
Learning to follow the flow of life is essential to finding our inner harmony. When we reject a change (and we reject every time that we suffer for something) we are swimming against the current, and since we need lots of energy to swim against the current, we feel exhausted.
The way to avoid this is to not judge, remain open to every possibility and say a full and unconditional YES to any situation life proposes us, learning to leave behind with love what has been and what is no longer.
This is not diminishing the cycle of loss, which is a fundamental personal journey, and suggesting that the process of surrendering and accepting will conclude in one week. Those losses will always be part of our life... we just need to acknowledge them, accept the transition and find the strengths to launch forth into your new situation!
So now grab a pen and a sheet of paper... a useful, simple and practical suggestion to facilitate a change that scares us and to harness the power of your transition is that of focusing on the emotional and practical implications that are behind your resistance: on the paper draw a vertical line to divide it into two vertical columns, in the left column list all the advantages of remaining in the current situation always and in the right column the benefits which would result from changing the situation. Or, in the left column, write how miserable you perceive your current life and in the right column, write what you can do to slowly bring some light on it.
This is the first step to help change your attitude and mindset toward any kind of Life Transition.
Transition is that difficult process of letting go of your old situation, suffering in your present confusion before launching forth into your new situation.