For many years, I blamed my parents for most of what went wrong in my life. "If they would have done it differently, my life would have been so much nicer". "My friends parents were so cool, why couldn't mine be". "I had such a rotten childhood that messed up my life". And so on, and so forth.
I realized later that I was causing a lot of problems in my life because of this way of thinking.
First, if I allowed the past to govern who I was and would ever be, that meant that I would never have a chance to have a better life. The past can only govern the future if we let it. We can create any future we want. In the future, the past is the present now. If we change our present; if the future, looking back we will see a glorious past.
Also, in order to build a better life, I understood that I needed to take full responsibility for it. That meant no more blaming others for the crap that I thought they caused. Maybe, it felt easier those days to think of myself as a helpless victim that has no control and lives from one bad luck to the next. Actually, I regained full control and went from miracle to miracle.
The next step was that I realized that, no matter how bad I thought my parents behaved with me; I was not alone. Most people go to shrinks and complain about the mistakes their parents have done. Many kids were as traumatised as me or even more. Most kids think that the parents of their friends are so much cooler. I understood that my condition, that used to feel like a way to be unique in my misery was a common thread that linked most of us.
So I finished dwelling on the past and never went back. Some of the negativity that was anchored in my brain comes out once in a while in negative thoughts "such as you never succeed, or you are stupid". Slowly, I have learned to turn the volume down on those negative thoughts and don't let them rule my positive thoughts. I repeat positive affirmations about my true self and you can do this as well.
But that is not forgiveness yet. This was only the first part of the healing.
Are you still angry at your parents? Do you think they messed up your life?
Take a moment and think of the potential you have of creating your future. What ever you blame them for, remember, you are the only one that gives power to their past action to influence your future. They have no control over that. And your future can be extraordinary.