Suffering through the trauma of a miscarriage can be extremely heart-wrenching. It will take you on a plethora of emotions. Sometimes those emotions will carry you as high as Mount Everest or as low as hell. Those emotions usually come back to back carrying you on waves. You will feel as if you are going crazy and sometimes you will feel as if you have completely lost it. The best I can tell you is to ride it out. Yes, just like actual waves, you have got to ride out those emotions. Of course, I will not recommend that you ride it out alone. Before I continue, please do not blame yourself for the loss. It was not your fault and even if you did do something that caused the loss, it is still not your fault. Do not blame yourself under any circumstances.
Because I know that you will blame yourself, please seek help and professional, qualified help is always best. Feel justified in changing Therapists if you are not receiving the support that you need. Please note that your friends and close family, no matter how well-meaning, they are not equipped to handle what you are going through. Especially more so if they have suffered a similar loss, they may not have dealt with their pain and instead have opted to bury the pain and expect you to do the same. So they may not understand what you are going on about.
When you get that kind of insensitive response, understand that you have to put your well-being first and step away from that relationship. You may have to sever that relationship which will add to the pain you are already going through. As a result you may now feel bitterness towards that person because now you have to deal with more pain, but it is better to see the truth about that friendship now. Hopefully, your partner will be there for you. But if not, it is even more important for you to seek professional help. Whatever your situation maybe, do not go it alone. You need support.
Support can also be in the form of books written on the topic of miscarriage written by women who have gone through that heart-breaking, heart-wrenching, soul-gutting experience. Find support groups online or off-line that will give you the forum to be open, to cry, to vent, to be angry, to heal and to even offer support to others who are in the beginning stages of their pain. Within those groups you will find healing, you will find purpose, you will find strength.
As you step into healing, you will start to find ways that you can honour the child that you lost. I call it, "Celebrating the Life You Lost". Just like everything else in life, using that life to serve a purpose may or can help you to heal stronger. Of course, there is nothing that can replace that precious life and nothing will make that loss feel better. However, you can name that child, give him/her an identity.
You can start a Healing Center for Women who do not have the resources to help them through the process of the loss. They may not have the medical resources and or the finances to afford those medical resources. You can use that experience to help you to reach out to other women who are at a loss on how to deal with the waves upon waves of pain that they are bound to feel. You may have not received the support you needed, but now you know what is needed and you can now use your time and life to give that to other women.
When you can find a purpose born out of that loss it will make that loss not feel in vain. You will be able to find added strength and be able to infuse that strength and love into other women and even the fathers who are also suffering the loss. Help those fathers feel okay in feeling and showing their emotions and help them through the fear of having that situation happen all over again.
Celebrate the life you lost in whatever way that feels true, healing and authentic for you. You will never get over that loss, but you can and will get to a point where the pain is not suffocating and overwhelming you. Every birthday, every anniversary of the loss will be a reminder, but if you celebrate that life and use that beautiful life to serve a purpose in helping others get through their loss, then it won't feel like a loss anymore. It will simple feel like a celebration of life.