Our brains are wired to connect with each other. According to studies, we as human beings possess a unique system in our brain called "Default Network". This system is being activated every time we rest on our couch, or when we are driving on our way home. In general the Default Network takes place in the absence of any cognitive, motor or visual task. The main task of this specific network is the capacity to thing about other people and ourselves, the neuroscientists call it social cognition. In other words we the default network turn on in our free time. For further information check out the book "Social" by Matthew D. Lieberman.
Using unconsciously the default network, we choose who to be friends with, who to work with and even who is right for us to build a relationship. The way that our social circle can influence us for better or for worse, is astonishing. As human beings we can be influenced pretty easily, I once read in the book "Everything is Obvious", that consumers in wine stores are more likely to buy German wine when German music is playing in the background, and French wine when French music is playing. Can you imagine the magnitude of influence your friends, your family have over you? That said we all must be very careful about who we are investing in.
A majority of people strongly believe that emotional investment goes hand in hand with emotional suppression. They are willing to sacrifice their core beliefs in order to "preserve" a relationship. At the end, they wonder "what went wrong", while their integrity has been thrown to elimination.
Can you count the "small" lies you tell on a daily basis to your friend, or your parents, in order to avoid a fight, for example?
You feel through your body and heart that you should express your honest opinion about an issue or a certain behavior that you cannot tolerate anymore, but still you hesitate. You rationalize your "non-taking-action" attitude, and go on with your life.
There is a very simple practice when you catch yourself compromising. STOP! Control your breath and express how you actually feel, offer to your friend, husband or wife your perspective and they will respect you for it. Of course there are times that you don't even know that you are lacking integrity. But through your journey of creating yourself, it will come to you.
According to Nathaniel Branden nature gives us an extraordinary option. To seek awareness or not bother at all. Take responsibility for your actions, even if you have to fight with your loved one. Choose awareness, choose responsibility.
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