Jesus said, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." Matthew 22:37(a). Jesus said, "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." John 15:12.
When we respond to our significant other with anger or sarcasm, or short and choppy replies out of frustration, we are sending harsh and fighting signals to them. It is unusual for a couple to never have conflicts, misunderstandings or disagreements. However, our response - that is attitude as well as words - is the very spark that either inflames the situation or triggers the calm toward resolution. Fellas, how do we respond?
Here is a better way to solving a problem in your relationship. First, take a deep intentional breath. Next, what do you understand the problem to be that has your stress level rising? Then, before speaking convince yourself that your girlfriend/wife did not intend to irritate or touch your rawness. Now, you may respond with calm and a loving attitude in order to prevent the anger from getting higher and more dangerous. With a loving approach you may enjoy the result of having stopped what could have been a serious argument from happening at all.
When you honestly want to have a successful marriage or relationship and keep your love life fresh and ongoing, you want to understand your partner from a different perspective. The below list contains the core issues or main issues that couples face in an ongoing relationship. This list is not all of the issues you have or may face, but it is the list of those which couples have reported that are most common.
The most frequent cause of broken relationships is a failure to openly and honestly communicate. Silence, when a few calm words would be appropriate, can destroy a relationship. Do not dread communication with your loved one. Just sprinkling a little bit of love on them is a good thing and, shows no fear.
Their day was a hard day's work or maybe just a bad day. You can take the pain away by using calm and loving communication. In this way, you change from being the selfish taker to being the care giver which your loved one needs and deserves from you.
Sometimes the communication gap has been there for so long it can be difficult to break the ice. If you are in a this situation, then consider one or more of the following suggestions:
First of all, do you have regularly scheduled dates? If not, this may be the beginning of reviving the romance for both of you. Turn the TV off and sit down with your loved one and ask "what day this week would you like to go out?" Set a specific date to go out with your loved one. The next question to ask is what would they like to do best? Movie, dinner, or dancing or getting a baby sitter and just sit at home talking or playing your favorite game. Whatever is decided, you take the initiative and immediately arrange all the details. Do not ask your loved one to make the arrangements [if they offer to do so, then consider that as different]. Remember, spending time at home and having a really loving time of healthy talk is a great way to reconnect. But if you do not set a specific time and date, your special evening may never happen.
If you live together, take special precautions to limit your TV watching time. Generally, if you're focused on watching a TV show, you are not bonding with your partner. [NOTE: this is also true with your children.]
Stop the interruptions. When you are spending time with your loved one, turn your phones off so that nothing interrupts your time together. No one that important is going to call or text.
If you have children, then be sure to make arrangements for them. Either wait until after they are put to bed to begin the evening together or schedule a sitter or take them to a friend's or relative's house to watch them.
Each of us must learn and remember that raised voices and words spoken in anger have a lasting effect on children who witness the unpleasantness. Children have love and affection for both parents. So long as one parent is not abusing the children by forcing them to choose one parent over the other, they will only be very confused, embarrassed, and stressed when parents yell and speak angrily to one another. Use reasoned good sense. If you have a difficult matter or one that is more likely to degenerate into a loud argument, plan accordingly. Would a public place be more appropriate?
Always be intentional in keeping quiet until your partner has finished talking. DO NOT INTERRUPT THEM. If both of you are frequently guilty of interrupting each other, then it is time for both of you to establish some rules to follow so that things change.
When you are fidgeting (one foot then the other or twirling your fingers) while your partner is talking, you are communicating your disinterest in what they are saying. DO NOT FIDGET. Be attentive and look into your partner's eyes while they talk. Your body language tells your partner whether or not you are truly interested in what they are saying.
Tips to solve problems
Be truthful, always. No exception. Be honest about everything that is going on with you. Relationships are formed on impressions and expectations or assumptions. However, they only last as the two people become truthful with each other which results in trusting one another. When your loved one's trust in you is broken, it is nearly impossible to re-establish that lost trust. When this occurs, the relationship is more likely to permanently fall apart.
Money and financial issues are the most common cause of conflict in your relationship. No one is automatically trained and disciplined in keeping financial matters from becoming serious indebtedness. You must be willing to learn the art of record keeping and budgeting. No one can live on hopeful expectations. Whether you share bills and expenditures with each other or only one has the lions share of income and responsibility, it is vital that both of you know and understand the financial details. When something happens that causes a shortage of money to become a problem, both must be prepared and willing to solve. It doesn't have to be a bad thing to share your money with your partner.
Understand that being in a relationship means being there for one another. Real love is being there in good times or bad. When issues arise between you - and they will - know that "what you choose to do in face of the difficult issue" is more important than the issue. Love will take away all pain when each of you show love in good times or bad. When you show love wherever possible, your relationship will bloom like a beautiful, healthy flower.