The Wisdom of Letting Go of Control

We are living in a complex world. The more we strive to solve our problems, the more problems we create for ourselves in the process. Where do our problems come from? They come from the human mind, which creates individual problems for each and every one of us. Instead of solving our own problems, which are often insoluble, we sometimes even strive to solve the problems of others around us, deluding ourselves into believing that solving the problems of others will somehow solve those of our own. Nothing could be further from the truth. Solving others' problems, or even those of our own, is no more than "controlling" what happens in our lives. We are living in an ever-changing world, and any change will create new problems. Therefore, solving our current problems does not mean that there will not be more problems to come. After all, perception of problems is always in the mind, and it is always mind over matter.

Control is basic human instinct. Out of fear of the unknown, our ancestors living as early as in the Stone Age strove to control their environment in order to survive, and thus developing the fight-or-flight human instinct.

As humans, we often want to control everything in our own lives. The irony of control is that the more we strive to control, the more stress we create for ourselves. The anticipation of stress, for example, often puts us in an alert system, producing stress hormones. We then have to make some life choices--choosing this and avoiding that, often leading to regret and disappointment. Expectation of the anticipated result further intensifies the stress, often making us do more than what is necessary to guarantee the expected result. Over-doing is stressful in itself.

Human life journey is challenging with its many problems that are often beyond human control: such as loss of physical health, vision, mobility, and memory; material loss, such as loss of property from natural disaster, downsizing or moving to a nursing home; loss of loved ones, such as separation, death and bereavement. The problem is that we have too many attachments to the past and the present in the physical world that we are reluctant to let go of. Control is synonymous with holding on. Attachment is your emotional dependence on things and people that define your identity or ego-self, around which you wrap your happiness and even your survival. To maintain and sustain that ego-self, you want to exert control over everything and everyone around you. Control is a sign of fear and insecurity--something you must learn to let go of, just as the best-selling author Thich Nhat Hanh once said: "Letting go gives us freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness." Let go of control to let God take over; after all, He controls everything and everyone in this world. Give yourself that freedom to live your life as if everything is a miracle.

The bottom line: when confronted by any problem in life, do what you can with what you have, and let go of control to let God do the rest. Embrace anything that happens in your life--be it good or bad; pleasant or unpleasant--and be either a student or a teacher in that learning experience.

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