I feel like I have become one of the best representations of someone who had suffered from a midlife crisis. The truth is, I am a 30-year old wife and mother with a stable job but still lacking financially, living paycheck to paycheck, in debts, and with many frustrations relating to career and, not surprisingly, money. I often found myself envious of most of my friends who, if not married to wealthy men, have successfully started their own businesses and are currently climbing to their chosen industries' top. This is not to say that I am unhappy with my husband; on the contrary, my friends and family have looked up to us as a couple because we have one of the strongest partnerships you might ever chance upon. But somehow, I was unable to help all the "what-ifs" no matter how I fought them off when friends of mine left the country to pursue grander opportunities abroad, or when coworkers submitted their resignation letters to try their luck in another industry. "What if I was not married yet or I did not have my daughter to take care of? Maybe I would have tried for the cruise ship job that my friend is enjoying now." Welcoming these thoughts made me feel like I were dishonoring my young family, and especially since I knew that I would not have traded my husband and my daughter for anything else in the world.
So what brought about these feelings of melancholy, confusion and neediness? Why did I seem discontented when in truth, all I really wanted was a family and a home with a white picket fence? I have been enjoying both of these, but whenever I would learn of a friend who's enjoying her 3rd business venture all in a span of one month, I would always feel like I'm being left behind. I felt that I needed to work on several aspects of my personal growth, but I was too preoccupied by the goings-on in my friends' lives that I seemingly did not know how to develop myself anymore.
My husband knows all about my fleeting emotions and thoughts. The patience and understanding that he has continued to generously extend to me have always been enough to drown my neediness away whenever I feel it wanting to expose itself. I felt ashamed every time I would tell my husband about my envy and my perpetual "what ifs" because I knew that I hurt him with the things I have shared with him, and I ended up always sounding so much like complaining.
For some time now, my husband and I have been practicing some exercises to help me regain my focus on my personal growth. I realize that I have been distracted too much by the pomp and wealth shown by other people, that I have forgotten to be grateful for our own personal riches that are abundantly being showered upon my young family. I have allowed my self-esteem to take a nosedive, all because I had wanted the extra comforts of other people. I needed to redevelop my healthy self-esteem and remember the satisfying life I have always enjoyed.
Every morning, my husband and I would recognize at least 5 things that we were grateful for. It allows us to focus on the good things that we already have, no matter how simple they may be. Close confidantes have reassured me over and over how immensely blessed I am with my loving husband and my beautiful daughter, and that I should always be grateful as there are a lot of women who would do anything to be in my position. No amount of money can ever replace the happiness that family relationships provide. I am also constantly reminded that if things are not going the way I have planned, maybe God is telling me that I do not need for those things to happen now; I am where I need to be and I have everything that I need at the moment. I am comforted and spiritually empowered by that thought to push through with everyday and enjoy my blessings.
I am constantly in search of ways to enrich and support my personal growth. Though the path may be long and winding, I have to remind myself that it is perfectly normal to be led to some detours. It may teach you things you did not know you were capable of being, and it may allow you to discover what it is you really want out of your life.
If you feel stuck like I most often do and are in need of someone to help in pushing yourself, in reaching your goals and recognizing what you are actually capable of becoming, the "Afformations Method" is the help that you have been looking for.
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